Reading Reviews for Play the Devil
  
73 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore Richard

19th July 2014:
Hi again, Jenna!

*takes a moment to appreciate the chapter image of Richard*

Yay, another chapter set entirely in the past! I loved the way that this focused more on Richard and his version of events because it's really interesting to see how he perceives Rose, especially since he's from this era and because of that his standards and expectations would be completely different. I think it's really impressive that you'd even attempt to tackle something like that and you did it so well here!

I really enjoyed the first part of this chapter when Richard was thinking back to the fairy lady that he'd met when he was younger! I liked the fact that even though he was trying to forget about Rose and the meeting with her, but he just couldn't stop thinking about her. The way that you wove in some of his past was great too, because although I've read a lot about him, it helps a lot of people who haven't find out more. The idea that Rose's arrival when Richard was a child (so I suppose that wasn't really his first meeting with her) became a cherished memory for him and something that he's thought back to a lot when he's been growing up. That was so amazing!

Eep, that meeting was so great! I love the contrasts between the characters of Rose and Richard that we can already see, because she's trying her best to conform in some way to the society that Richard belongs to, but even though she tries to fit in there are some things that she can't manage. Her views on things are obviously so different to his, especially on things like women and equality and all those sorts of things. She's still much bolder than the sort of woman he'd normally encounter, and even though she's adjusted her clothes and her appearance, she's still addressing him as she would anyone nowadays.

It was great to find out more of Rose's history through this as well! I wondered what had happened between her and Scorpius and I suppose that it's kind of a mark of how close she and Richard will become that she confided that history in him, even if some of it was altered. (I really liked the way that she was altering some of her words to hide the way she lives in the future and the fact that she's a witch, too.) Was she actually engaged to Scorpius in the modern day, or was that an embellishment on the story to make it easier for Richard to understand? But I thought that he must have cheated on her, or tried to at least, so I can understand why Rose is feeling so angry with him and wants to get away from everything that's been happening in her life there. It sets everything up beautifully for motivating her to escape into the past with Richard and start a relationship with him soon.

And Rose is going to go live with Richard in the castle! That's really exciting, I wonder how much longer she'll stay around though, and what will happen to their relationship if she suddenly disappears and then reappears later on. Anyway, this was great and I'll be back for more soon!

Sian :)

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Review #2, by nott theodore Hedgewitch

19th July 2014:
Hi, Jenna!

Yay, I finally made it back to this story! I've been missing your writing so much but now I'm back into reviewing again I'm determined to catch up so I can read and review these updates when they're actually posted!

This was such a great chapter to come back to! I loved the way that the whole chapter was set in the past, and it feels like this time Rose spent more time in the past that she did the first time that she visited. I wonder if that pattern's going to carry on, and she'll end up aging as she spends time in the past, but since time doesn't seem to be carrying on in the present, I wonder if she'll age ahead of her time? (Does that even make sense? It did in my head but I'm not sure if it did here :P)

Anyway, moving on from the incoherent musings... I liked the way that you took us back to Rose's arrival in the past, since we saw it from Richard's perspective in the last chapter. I thought you did a really great job of immersing us in the period straight away, and also tackling Agnes's speech, because not only does it sound older but she's using a certain amount of dialect too, which she would have done in those times, so it was great to see that you'd actually made the effort to include something like that. It helped to make it a lot more believable.

I really liked reading about Rose's reactions and thoughts as she arrived. She was unsure because it was a completely different place that she'd arrived in this time, but I wonder whether it's because this time, Rose didn't have any specific destination in mind when she tried to apparate? Her confusion was really believable and I liked the way that you described Agnes, that she seemed a bit scary by today's standards but Rose could see past that and see the kindness there.

Aw, I felt so sorry for Rose when Richard dismissed her, even though I'd already read about it in the last chapter. But it was sweet that she was so hopeful, even though she really barely knew Richard, and that she's already feeling that connection with him. It's going to be really interesting because now we've seen the first time that both of them have met the other, and I can't wait to see how the relationship develops from here!

I absolutely loved the detail and thought that you've put into creating this world, and the way that the magical world integrated with the world at this point in history. I sympathised with Rose when she was trying to work out how Richard fitted in with all the kings, because they definitely are confusing (even though I'm British :P). But I absolutely loved Agnes's character and the way that you used her to explore the situation for wizards at this point in time. It's so interesting to think that the lower classes would only have been able to afford to go to Hogwarts for a few years, and the subjects that they learnt there would be tailored to their futures. And then the way that they had to hide their magic, so Agnes and all her family members had returned to normal life and acted as the village wise woman. All of that detail was just so interesting to read about and made the chapter so rich to read!

I love the fact that Agnes is a witch though and understands Rose's abilities but also has that connection to Richard, because I think that makes a lot more sense when it comes to the two of them starting a relationship together. I can't wait to see how this continues!

Sian :)

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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell The Joust

10th July 2014:
For the House Cup 2014 Review

Although I was going to review this anyways! That’s just an added bonus :)

I’m back! Sorry that it’s been so long. I was very busy with school for a while, and then I was traveling, but I’ve been wanting to read the next chapters for AGES! By the way, I recently visited the Tower of London and got to hear about Richard’s rumored nefarious doings, and I thought of what Rose might have to say about those allegations :)

So, a joust! How fun. Although I must say, it does not sound like the ideal post-hangover activity. Poor Rose! And no water! I guess there’s always the "hair ‘o the dog that bit ye” method. Yikes.

I love that Rose gets into jousting. It does make sense, since she’s a fan of Quidditch. I mean, of course she’s concerned when people are injured, but she is used to a game where people hit bludgers at each other and try to knock players out of the sky, which *is* probably worse than even falling off Apollo would be. I think I, personally, would want to enjoy it, but spend half the time in a panic. Rose taking to it more easily makes sense, and the concern she does show speaks well for her character.

I also like that Rose is really thinking about how she ought to act. She’s not paranoid about it--as she says, she’ll only be there for a while--but she is taking things seriously, which I think may be good for her character growth, long-term.

And Sir Nicholas! He’s a wizard?! Ooh! I didn’t see that coming, but I like it. I’m looking forward to seeing how that might play out. Also, having Salazar Slytherin be the “knave" of snakes? I love that! Brilliant touch. It all goes so perfectly: crowns for Rowena’s diadem, cups like the Cup of Hufflepuff, and swords like the sword of Gryffindor. It does all fit wonderfully as a deck of cards. How very clever!

Also, is Scorpius coming to Fotheringay? Oh my!

CC:

Really all I’ve got here is teeny, nit-picky things.

"They were armed in full silver armor, which reminded me quite strongly of the suits of armor which decorated Hogwarts and were prone to going for unexpected strolls.”
--Armed in armor which reminds her of suits of armor is a lot of “arm” in one sentence. Maybe “outfitted” in full silver armor might break it up a bit? But that really is quite picky. I love the bit about comparing it to the Hogwarts armor, though, and how those suits will just get up and walk on their own.

"I wondered why he was so sure about keeping his voice down.”
--“insistent” might be a better word than “sure” here. Or something like that.

But that’s it. You’re writing is so good that, if I’m to critique anything at all, it pretty much always has to be the teeny tiny details.

Another great chapter, as always! I’m so excited to be reading this story again! :D

--Penny

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Review #4, by marauderfan A Proposal and a Tumble

9th July 2014:
I have surfaced from the void of internet-less-ness and am so happy to see a new(ish) chapter on this story! Hurrah!

This was a cool chapter! I loved the shift in POV to read about things from Richard's perspective. It's interesting to read his changing opinions of Rose, who at first was this fantastical fairy woman, and now it seems that the most alluring thing about her is how human she is, all her faults and sloppy manners making her seem otherworldly to him in a way. I wonder what his friends will tell him about the baron Ronald, and whether they will actually find a baron named Ronald and what he is like, haha.

Because this really wouldn't be a proper review if I didn't get distracted and off topic at least once, I'm going to point out how much I love your attention to historical detail again, and the point about how they only bathed once a year, makes me very glad to live in modern times rather than the Middle Ages because when I go backpacking and don't shower for a week, it's unpleasant. I can't imagine a whole YEAR. Though I guess that in the Middle Ages everyone was too drunk to care about being smelly, as they had wine for all occasions.

Annie Lovell is a great character! I like how forward and crafty she is, though I feel like this isn't the end of her craftiness regarding Richard. She seems like a stubborn type who is used to getting what she wants. She has noticed Richard's attraction to Rose, and yet still seems to be very friendly with Rose - but I wonder if that's about to change. The way you've woven actual historical figures into this story is just so cool, and the blend of history and HP characters is such a rich and clever blend.

I would have Nicholas’ head for this. -- Hahahaha, the wording of this. So fabulous. I am eagerly awaiting when Rose finds out that Sir Nicholas is indeed Nearly Headless Nick.

Uh oh, falling off a horse. That isn't good. It sounds like she has a broken ankle - but on the bright side, it doesn't sound like the horse stepped on her or anything, so at least she's better off than she could have been. But I can't imagine that fixing broken bones was an easy process in the 1400s.

This was a great chapter and the story continues to be amazing! I noticed a bit of 'old Rose lamenting her past self' in there, when she mentions something about being young and fanciful then - it reminds me of the great mystery alluded to at the beginning, of what happened to her back in time, whether she aged a lot while she was there, or something else befell her... but either way I'm excited to read on and awaiting the next chapter!

House Cup Review 2014

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Review #5, by patronus_charm A Proposal and a Tumble

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Hi Jenna!

I really loved Richard’s thoughts at the beginning of this chapter there were so romantic and lovely and I really loved seeing him fall in love with Rose. He really has watched every move of hers and analysed her from every angle so that is a clear sign, and I felt as if I could sense some jealously and protection creeping in as he mentioned other people. I can’t help but wonder what might happen if his search for Baron Ron yields something as it would be rather funny if it did :P

I liked learning more about Annie and Sir Francis as I can place the two of them into context now. Aha, so there was something going on between Annie and Richard though, well in a way, I was glad that he put her straight and made it sort of clear that his heart lay elsewhere. I really liked their old-fashioned speech which was a really cool thing to add in! I have a feeling that his rejection of Annie won’t go down so well though and I’m worried she might do in revenge!

There were some really lovely moments when Rose was out riding with Richard ♥ I have a feeling that Nicholas might be an eventual rival for Richard though as he and Rose have the magical connection which is really cool but we’ll have to see. The ending with Daisy galloping off was dramatic!! I wonder if Rose is going to bump into any more historical figures now.

Great chapter!

-Kiana

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Review #6, by patronus_charm The Joust

18th May 2014:
Today seems to be a catch up on Jenna’s stories day :P

Yay we get to see Scorpius again! I liked how he was open and accepting of the Weasley family even if he felt a little awkward being there, I almost felt a little story for him actually. Ooh, as for him and Lucy I’m not too sure, and I have a feeling Lucy might be after him. That might just be my headcanon though as I’ve always imagined her to be a very sneaky Slytherin though. So he found the magical potion thing! Ooh, this could get interesting because with the way you left it, it seemed certain he was going to drink it.

I loved the discussion of water. I don’t even know why because it’s just water, but it was interesting to see how much had differed in the time periods. I would definitely avoid it though because water contaminated by a dead body doesn’t sound all that appealing in my opinion. No wonder Rose is feeling ill if she’s just drinking alcohol all the time, or perhaps this is the side effects of time travel beginning to show?

Aw, Rose’s thoughts about Richard! I love how she’s beginning to get jealous of Annie, as it shows that something must be developing here. Though I have to say this is one of the strangest relationships I’ve read thanks to the time travel because depending on when they meet up one of them is more in love than the other and that must get really confusing. She really does seem to understand his character though with the cold and unforgiving edge, and that’s an ominous reminder of what he may have done to his nephews.

Ahahah, I have so many thoughts from that last section I don’t know what to say/do. Ok, I loved how you included all the little historical things such as the hierarchy in society and how that strictly what you said and did. Then the jousting match was really cool and how they had all their little things such as asking for tokens. Ha, Richard was obviously jealous when Rose gave her token to Nicholas and I was just like oh yeah maybe you should be paying her more attention and it was a really cool fangirl moment.

Then the jousting was really cool too, except when Nicholas fell and I was like ah, Rose run and save him. I’m getting so confused over whether I want those two together or Rose and Richard. The next part was really cool though because I had been wondering earlier on whether there were any secret magical people, and when Nicholas revealed the cards it was great. I wonder how this will affect future events, and whether the Hogwarts houses caused a deeper split in society.

This was such a great chapter and I really hope the next is up soon! :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello Kiana! :)

Eep, I just looked at the date of this review and the last one and it was May 18th!! I don't know how I let the responses get this out of hand - well, traveling and going out and bad wifi - but still, I'm so sorry!

I'm glad you felt sorry for him! I think he would be justified feeling a bit awkward in this situation, definitely. Hmm, interesting thoughts about the potion! There is something up there.

I agree! Things like water and sewage and food would have been a huge part of daily life in these times and I wanted to get those details across as in some time travel stories they seem to be glossed over a little. I think it's a bit of both really, I mean drinking alcohol all the time would be a huge and awful change, I'm cringing just thinking about it.

Agh, I know! This relationship is so messed up and confusing, and it was a little tricky for me to write their characters in different emotional states and remembering how much one knows about the other. Richard does have a colder side which Rose is beginning to see, but like all people he's quite multi-faceted.

Thank you! I loved writing all those historical moments and scenes, haha. Yay for fangirling! I was hoping people might feel a little indignant for Rose and how Richard was ignoring her.

Ooh, so you're shipping Rose/Nicholas eh? Interesting... :P Its definitely possible, and I really love exploring how the wizarding world might impact society too.

Thank you so much for another wonderful review, Kiana! :D


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Review #7, by marauderfan The Joust

6th May 2014:
Ooh, some deets on what Scorpius did. Did he cheat on Rose? cause that's what it sounds like. (And Rose's mention of infidelity following her, later) But I have a feeling you're just trying to make it sound that way, and he did something else entirely :P Or maybe that's what you want me to think, that you're misleading me. It's like a game of rock-paper-scissors trying to out-guess the other person. :p

NO IT DOES NOT SMELL DELICIOUS. NO HE DID NOT. Did he follow her?!?!?! :O

You make such a good point about the water. I can't imagine how everyone just drank wine for all occasions back then. Seriously, was everyone in the Middle Ages just drunk all the time? haha

As I read the jousting scene, the song "We Will Rock You" is playing in my head because I associate jousting with A Knight's Tale hahah. Oh, and the man she nicknames Crosses haha, with a "twice broken nose that had never properly healed" - I'm pretty sure that's a description JKR uses to describe Dumbledore at one point. (either that or I have a bad memory. Which is very possible) Therefore Dumbledore is actually 600 years old. (oh and someday I will try to leave you a review that does not consist of just getting wildly off topic.)

I like your continued characterization of Not-Yet-Headless Nick, I could so see him being involved in jousting (badly) and getting injured because he's too reckless! What a Gryffindor :p Speaking of Gryffindor, the cards he hands Rose at the end seem rather interesting, with lions and snakes? Are there missing cards that have eagles and badgers? Just wondering. Omg but they totally are, because the queen of crowns (crown as in diadem?) is going to have an eagle, and queen of cups is Hufflepuff and ahaha you are way too sneaky with this, Jenna. Love it. I still have no idea what the cards are for, though! :p

Awesome chapter and I loved reading about the joust! You do really well writing these action scenes!

Author's Response: Hi Kristin!:) This is a phone response so will probably be awful but I'm waiting for a bus and will give it a chance :P traveling is really cutting into my internet time sadly which I know you can relate to!!

Aha I love this review and how you think I'm so devious! :D I really didn't mean to make their breakup this dramatic but Scorpius wanted to be more of a character and so this happened, and yeah, the potion... Well time will tell but this does put a bit of a spin on things.

I bet they were drunk all the time! Poor Rose haha, I would not be able to go without water and drink alcohol constantly especially as it probably would have not been as tasty back in the day. It's fun putting her through all the uncomfortable stuff although I would never want to deal with all that, Rose and I both like our modern conveniences.

I loved writing the jousting (argh that just autocorrected to Houston whyyy) and I'm glad you liked it and even had a soundtrack going with it, haha. Now I totally have that song stuck in my head. Poor Crosses, I have to admit he is not Dumbledore but he's definitely quite battered and bruised from jousting and battle and all that good stuff.

I'm glad you're liking Nick and recognized him, hehe. I had this moment of epiphany when planing the story that he would have been around now and couldn't resist, and he really grew to be a bigger character as well. He's one of the people I couldn't convert if I turned this into OF so I really was excited to get these chapters out. Hehe the cards are really just playing cards but magical ones, but yes, they are all cool and related to the founders! Haha I loves reading your reactions to that.

Thanks so so much for the amazing review and all the reviews, I appreciate it so much :D. You and a couple others really keep my interest in this story/my other WIPs alive -you're awesome!!


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Review #8, by GingeredTea Hedgewitch

12th April 2014:
She is really a brilliant combination of Ronald and Hermione - rash and up for an adventure, but somehow more steady on her feet than Ron ever was. She isn't nervous at first. Her first thought is of what an adventure this could be.

Oh yeah, hello. I'm back. :) Missed this story!!!

I loved the way you introduced Agnes and the world of magic here. The idea that not all children would experience the same education makes sense even as it is baffling. Your portrayal added real depth to the story. But we're not there yet, so I regress.

I also loved how you managed to express this different timeline with Richard. I mean that in two senses: they are from different times/cultures/etc., but also in the sense that she has had more of a 'relationship' with him than him with her - she has been kissed by him, whereas his experience with her is from a child's innocent outlook.

She steps on her own feet like Ron would have, not keeping these facts in mind, but knows them afterwards with the depth Hermione might have and Ron could never have hoped to figure out (boys!).

Brilliant chapter! :D

Author's Response: Tory! I miss you and your stories so much - this past month has left me no time for forums and review fun times. :( But exams are over in a few days so will have more time then! Thanks so much for dropping by with this review, I really loved it! :D

I'm so glad you like Rose - she is, she's both impulsive but also able to keep her head. I think I'd be like that too in a time travel situation, hopefully. She doesn't really realize what she's getting herself into.

I'm pleased you liked Agnes as well, and how the nobles' children might get a better education than the peasants. It fit with the class divisions of the time, and I'm glad you thought it added depth - one of the best parts of writing this story is integrating magic in with the medieval world.

The timelines of their relationship are so confusing to me sometimes! :P Haha, but I'm really glad you're liking it and how they meet each other at different times in their lives. It's quite fun to play with, and it sort of gives one of them the "edge" or the "power of knowledge" each separate time they meet. Right now, he sees her as this sort of mythical figure, but as he begins to see the more human side to her, he can grow more towards the relationship they might have in the future.

I really love your analysis of how Rose is like Ron and Hermione! You've just described her perfectly. She's both blundering and thoughtful, and somehow makes those things work.

Thank you so much for this amazing review, it really made my day! ♥



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Review #9, by patronus_charm The Feast

9th April 2014:
Ahahah, this chapter was so cool!

First of all, I loved seeing Rose get dressed it just made me laugh so much how you just cling onto that one random thing no matter what just to feel some comfort in a strange and for her that was her underwear. I can see why the others must of thought it was weird, and it was just such a great moment. I felt for her so much again when she stumbled into the hall late and everyone was staring at her, but it seemed to be in typical Rose style really.

This chapter was so cool with all the historical cameos from people and yeah it was fab! I think the small historical touches were really great with Rose forgetting that you had to address people with their titles such as your grace, and then all of the meat. The vegetarian inside of me was feeling very sick and I really hope time travel doesn’t actually exist because I don’t know what I would eat if I was sent there :P

I loved how we were getting deeper into the politics of the time such as the Lovells making an appearance, and then the hints to the old civil war with Edward and then the future one with Henry and Richard. Gah, all those times Richard was referred to as a loyal as a dog, I was just like uhuh he stole the crown from his nephew, not so loyal. I really can’t wait to see what happens with that aspect of the story and the battle of Bosworth. Maybe his death is what finally stops Rose going back in time.

The ending with Anne Lovell running after Richard was really interesting as I can’t remember them ever having an affair, but then it seemed like it there. But I really hope it isn’t true as he and Rose had such cute little moments in this chapter which were so sweet and yeah.

This review felt very rambly so hopefully it makes some sense to you!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :) Ahh, I'm so sorry for taking ages to respond to this, once again. This week has been crazy. :(

I'm so glad you liked this chapter! I love how I'm finally posting the chapters which happen in the past, it's quite exciting. And yes! I feel like simple things like that would be such a big adjustment when going to a time when things were less...comfortable. And haha, yes, typical Rose. :P She has the worst luck and she's quite awkward, but I do love her for it.

I'm glad you liked the historical cameos! I can only imagine what it would be like to adjust to all the etiquette rules but I'm sure it would be difficult to adjust to. Hahaha, from what I've read it seems like the rich would just feast on meat, I'm sorry if it made you feel sick! I think the lower classes would probably eat more broth and porridge type stuff but the nobles would enjoy their hearty meals. I'm a bit of a carnivore but thinking about eating the pig was a little excessive.

Yes! I felt like that would be really important and politics would always be on everybody's mind. And yup! I'm quite excited to get to that part way down the line as it's one of the most interesting things about his character and shows how evil he acts in the future. It's so exciting to pull in all these historical details in the story.

Anne is up to something, for sure. :) Hehe, I'm excited for readers to see more of Annie as she's quite a contentious character in my mind.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, I loved it! :) ♥


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Review #10, by marauderfan The Feast

8th April 2014:
Hello! I apologise as this is going to be another short review but this was a great chapter! So, Sir Nicholas... he seemed a bit evasive when talking about his "education" far away, as in probably Hogwarts. And based on the time period of this story, I presume that he is none other than Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, the not-yet-nearly-headless Nick. Ooh, and I just looked back at that section and he is even wearing a ruff. Very clever, Jenna :D

I also have a suspicion that "Annie" is Anne Boleyn, but I would have to refresh on my medieval hhistory to make sure.

Great use of historical (and HP canon) figures in here, it was an excellent chapter! I think if I knew more about this time period, I would know what's going on there with the symbolism behind the card game, but at the moment I'm wondering as much as Rose. Btw, I like that Rose isn't super into history so she figures stuff out along with the reader, it's more of an adventure of figuring things out.

Awesome job!

Author's Response: Hello! :) Hey, never apologize for a review being long or short - I'm always just excited to hear your thoughts!

Muahaha. I have been so excited to post this chapter for so long and to see if anybody would recognize him! :D My mom (who I send the chapters to as I write them) took a little longer to figure it out, but then again she isn't quite as knowledgeable about HP as we are over here at HPFF. :P I figured the ruff would be a good signature style for him - ruffs never go out of vogue for Sir Nick. :P

Anne Boleyn comes a little later, in the 1500s with Henry VIII. However this Anne is pretty conniving as well, to be honest, and is quite similar to how I would write Anne Boleyn. So maybe I had some unconscious inspiration here? "Annie" Lovell was a real person, though her personality is of course made up.

Thank you! :) Hmm, I'm toying a bit with how much historical context to include here, or to let the readers find out as Rose does. Basically, there's a lot of betrayal going on and getting charged with treason could be as simple as having an offensive card game. :P I really do just make a lot of stuff up while writing though, to be fair.

Thank you so much for the brilliant review, Kristin! ♥


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Review #11, by Aphoride Mysteries

3rd April 2014:
Hey there! When you posted, I had to stop by for more of this story - I really, really can't get enough of it! :)

Okay, so I love how you've characterised Louis. I like how he's gorgeous and clever, but kinda boring, haha :P It's such a lovely and unique way to portray him - I've honestly never seen it before, but I really love it! His mate Archie is great too - I like how he tells Rose about the Time Turner and the experimentation the Department of Mysteries have been doing, even though he's not meant to. It's such a realistic thing, you know - people always want to tell secrets, if they have them. Well, most people, at least.

Rose, as always, is brilliant. I love how curious she is - how it's an almost academic curiosity which leads her to it, rather than anything else - and the way she hangs around with her cousins, and isn't very respectful towards her bosses, and wants excitement and all that. It's such a great characterisation - but then you know that already! ;)

So, yeah, all your characterisation is great.

I'm so impossibly curious about what she stole from the Department is! A potion of some kind... hm... interesting. Will it let her get to the device or let her go back in time? Curious, very curious... I'm so desperate to know - hopefully we'll swap again soon so I can come back! :)

Your details in this are beautiful. They're so detailed and full and rich and amazing. I love them so much, and your writing is gorgeous. They really fill it out. Your writing is so lovely, as always - it flows so beautifully, it's easy to read and lovely... yeah, it's just great.

I'm so excited to read more of this, and really hope I'll be able to come back soon to read more. It's such an exciting, fast-paced story, so I can't wait to get to the bit where Rose goes back in time and meets Richard! :)

Thank you so much for the swap - I always love swapping with you! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so excited that you're liking this story! :) It really is my baby so it's so lovely to get positive feedback.

Louis is a little boring - I love that. :P Louis is such a great cousin to Rose but he likes to keep things quiet and calm. And Archie is quite interesting as well, and he's not very good at not speaking for an Unspeakable. :P

Thank you, I'm so pleased you like Rose! She is quite curious in a way that she likes gathering knowledge and knowing everything about everybody. I find her quite similar to myself in some ways as in many situations I just imagined what I would do - it helps in keeping her character consistent, anyway. :P

Hehe, well the potion is sort of explained... eventually... it's all quite confusing!

I'm really glad you liked the details. I'm sometimes a little wary of over-writing with the details and background, but I really enjoy tying in all these little things. Wow, thank you so much - you really do flatter me! ♥

I hope you can come back soon too - we'll definitely have to swap in the near future as I love having the chance to review your stories! I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Richard and Rose's interactions! :D

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :)


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Review #12, by nott theodore The Burrow (Part II)

31st March 2014:
Hello again!

I really loved seeing Albus and Louis's reactions to Rose and her reception of the news that Scorpius was there. The fact that Albus was running away from 'girl' talk made me laugh, because it felt so in character with what we've seen of him so far. I like the fact that Louis was much more comfortable with it, which makes sense with having two sisters and the fact that he seems to get on better with his female cousins than his male ones too. I felt for Albus here - being stuck between friends (and family, in this case) when a relationship ends is not a pleasant experience, and it's clear that he's struggled a bit with that.

Louis is really perceptive, and I like the fact that there's a male character here who does take notice of things, because I think they're not common enough in fanfiction and that's not really a fair portrayal. He and Rose seem to share that quality to some extent, although Louis seems quieter and less confident than his cousin. I felt even more sorry for Albus when I read about him having trouble with James; he has all the bad luck! But having an older sibling making fun of the younger one is definitely believable, even with their ages, because I think siblings are sometimes more competitive than anyone else.

It was great to hear that Rose and Scorpius's relationship wasn't all sunshine and daisies before the June incident (I'm guessing that Scorpius cheated on her, from what's been said so far), because it's a refreshing change. Rose seems to want to portray herself as the innocent victim but she knows her family members know otherwise and it's interesting to see that the relationship was going badly before any incident.

I feel for Rose as a fellow tall(ish) person! Short people like Molly are not helpful for our self esteem!

I loved the family dynamics in this chapter before the meal, as well. You wrote the amount of people there really well, focusing at the right time on the right people so that it wasn't overwhelming to read about the sheer amount of them! I suspect that a few more people in her family knew about her and Scorpius than she initially thought she was telling - in a family like that, I don't imagine all secrets stay secret for very long :P

The conversation between Rose and Albus was lovely, and I think you captured the dynamic between them really well. They've grown up together and know each other really well, and the joking and reactions at different comments helped to show that, too. I still don't trust Scorpius, though.

At the beginning, I think you're missing a word in this sentence: "but and shuffled his sorry feet inside".

Things seemed to escalate quickly with the Quidditch match, but I thought the build-up was very believable as a cause for what happened at the end of the chapter. I love the fact that Ginny and Harry are so perceptive and trying to make sure that Rose is okay, and Ron's defensive attitude of his daughter coming out in the way he refuses to throw Scorpius the Quaffle - it seems like a very Ron thing to do :P

Ah, Weasley is our king/queen! I loved the way that was built up through that section and that the verses changed to reflect what was happening in the game - I suspect Ron might have been very influential in ensuring the survival of that song! It made me laugh that he could be more confident with all of the younger ones as well, you just seem to have his character captured perfectly in this story!

I don't blame Rose for trying to hit Scorpius in this chapter... if you give someone a bat and tell them they can aim things at anyone on the pitch, I'm sure the ex-boyfriend is going to be a favourite target! Although whoever handed her the bat might have made a bad decision. I felt really sorry for poor Matt here - what an introduction to the family!

Rose's overprotectiveness over her purse was understandable, too (although as a slight Brit-pick, I think you might be referring to what we normally call a bag, as purses are normally just for money), because everything that's happened in the day has been getting her riled up and she's stretched to a point where she can't stand it anymore. All of that build up makes her decision to take the potion again, knowing what would happen this time, more believable.

The switch in point of view to Richard was a change that felt very fitting and appropriate for the narrative. It's interesting that he's about sixteen here (if I've remembered right) because he's carrying himself with such authority and that would be unusual for our time. This was actually the part I was most excited for (I've come to this story straight after finishing TKD, so more Richard is much appreciated!) and I loved the way that he arrived for a more relaxing time and I suspect that it won't be that for him!

The way he referred to Agnes was great, since there are vague suspicions of her being a witch but he'd rather not know - quite a sensible decision really, but I'm really intrigued about what his reaction to Rose being a witch will be. Then his reaction to Rose - this is presumably the first time he meets her, and her appearance must have been really shocking for someone who was so used to the strict codes of conduct at the time, and the way that women should behave, as well as the way people should address him. She's very different to anything he's ever known and I'm so intrigued to see how things will develop between them from here!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hola! :)

You are so amazing for leaving me this crazy long and detailed review, thank you so much love! :D

I'm really glad you liked Albus' reactions and how he didn't want to deal with the girl talk. :P In this story Louis is far more passive and understanding while Albus doesn't like having to listen to or deal with conflict. And Albus is in a pretty unfair situation - he kind of has to stay on Rose's good side because she's his cousin, but he knows that Scorpius isn't the only bad guy in the situation.

I agree! Louis is quite sensitive and observant, and I'm really pleased you picked that out and like that about him. James seems to turn out pretty erratic and all over the place in a lot of my stories, based off of how the brothers were in the prologue. I can certainly imagine James giving Albus a hard time and feeling competitive with one another.

Yes, exactly! There will be more on their relationship, but as the story is from Rose's POV it is a little bias for now.

Typo has been fixed! :D

Okay good, I'm really pleased you thought the Quidditch match made sense. It was quite fun to write and felt like a really Weasley thing to do instead of having to talk to each other. :P I agree, I feel like Ron would hold a grudge no matter what, and Ginny especially would try to be understanding but loyal. It's quite fun to write them as adults. I'm really glad you like how I write Ron, he's just hilarious through Rose's POV, and I especially enjoyed Weasley is our King. :P I really couldn't resist it.

Exactly! Hitting him wouldn't be socially acceptable in any other situation, but what's a girl to do? :P Poor Matt, I did find that quite ironic. He'll be more scared to come back the next time than he already was.

Interesting - I've changed it to bag as well. :) Exactly, she's just pushed to the breaking point. She really wants the adventure now, and she's acting spontaneously.

I know, he's so young! Of course, the times were different and forty was considered old age, especially for girls. :P There's lots and lots of fifteenth century and Richard coming back, which I just really love writing. :)

Yes - I felt that Richard has some knowledge of real-world witchcraft, but in the grand scheme of things he has other things to worry about. He does find Rose quite intriguing, though there is more to his understanding of her. Richard cuts her some slack because of this too, but he's certainly got suspicions.

Thanks so much for the amazing review! I loved it! :D ♥


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Review #13, by nott theodore The Burrow (Part I)

31st March 2014:
*snuggles Play the Devil* I've missed this story so much, can I just have a job reading your stories please?!

The detail and thought that you've put into planning and writing this story never ceases to amaze me - I'm sure you'll get bored of me saying that but you've done such a brilliant job of including tiny details in this story that really make the wizarding world come alive, and you're extremely conscious of the changes that have happened between the period of the books and the time of this story, with the next generation of kids growing up.

I love the fact that Molly was the one who has magically fortified the Burrow and has been the one to make sure it still stands - it's a testament to her power as a witch, I think, which isn't shown often enough. And I loved your description of the Burrow as well.

You can definitely tell that Rose is the older sibling - I like the way that she bribed Hugo with Cauldron Cakes (that makes him sound like his father, thinking with his stomach :P) to do something that she didn't want to, but to make sure she got her own way. The details about Floo travel being more expensive - and the later details about the Wizarding European Union (love this!) and the difficulties of international travel - were really brilliant. I love the fact that even though they've got magic, they don't have a solution for everything and there is an effect from the markets on who can afford certain things.

The mentions of Arthur with the beginning effects of dementia were really sad, and they reminded me of your story Grizzled; the fact that you're not ignoring the effects that age can have is really moving, and it's something I don't often see in stories that include older characters - everyone seems to age as well as Dumbledore. It's really heart-breaking to think of Arthur deteriorating like that, and I think the idea of Angelina, Harry and Hermione being the ones to confront and accept the issue is believable since it isn't their father they have to think of - they can be more objective. I liked the humour that you included as well, with the sneaky nod to Draco and Hermione :P

The competition between all the different cousins (or some of them, anyway) makes sense to me - I think with the personalities as you've described them, and the closeness in ages and things like that, they're likely to feel some competition between the different cousins. Another aspect which is great is the fact that different cousins have different relationships with each other, and some are closer than others.

It was great getting the background on them all; Slytherin Lucy sounded sneaky even before I got to the end of this chapter! And I can't wait to meet Dom and Steak - that's such an hilarious name! She sounds like a really funny character.

I really like the relationship between Louis and Rose and their easy friendship, as well as Albus coming in and being afraid to tell Rose the bad news about what had happened. Roxy seemed like a really vivacious girl, and I'm impressed with how brave she was to travel alone like that when she's still quite young. I imagine that she might have some adventures in the future!

The background about the Malfoys was really interesting, too, and it was good to find out more about how Rose and Scorpius ended up coming together, in spite of all the enmity between the two families. It makes sense to me that the families weren't friends but had to some extent agreed to live peacefully and generally stayed out of each other's way - the point about Ron disliking Malfoy more for his slurs on Hermione than anything else rings really true for me.

I'm so curious about the incident in June with Scorpius and I hope we get to find out what happened soon. I'm also intrigued about why on earth he's turned up to the Burrow to crash the family gathering (not cool at all, Scorpius!) - and with Lucy... And we get to see Richard again!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so excited about these reviews, thank you! :D I always love hearing your thoughts on this story.

I'm so pleased to hear you like the little details and background - I do love writing those parts so it's great to hear you notice it all. :) I find the development of the wizarding world so interesting and really enjoy writing about it.

Yes! I love Molly, and feel like she and Arthur were a formidable team who worked really hard in building their home. I was really excited to write a scene at the Burrow because the whole clan is just so fun.

Haha, Rose drags Hugo into her schemes quite often, and they definitely have one another's back. And that's just how I feel about things like Floo and Apparating - it's just way too easy, and I feel obliged in stories like this to make that more complicated, and Floo being expensive is one way that can work.

Dementia is a theme which shows up in a lot of my stories, and I like to include some mention of eldercare and the challenges of having an ageing family member as it's something which is very familiar to me. I'm really pleased you liked that part and thought it was interesting. I agree - I felt like Ron especially would refuse to accept the fact that his parents weren't young and healthy anymore. Hehe, I just couldn't resist the Dramione mention.

I agree about the cousins, and it's way more fun to write with some conflict between the family members. I feel like the Weasley cousins would be exposed to one another more than some families because they did all go to the same school, so there would be bound to be some drama.

Dominique and Steak are worming their way into my other stories as well! They're just hilarious. :P

I'm really glad you like Rose's relationships with the guys. And yes, Roxy in this story is very brave and confident - just a lovely person really.

I'm glad you like all the information about the Malfoys - it dragged on a little, but I felt like it was important to explain the context of Rose and Scorpius getting together. Aw, I'm so glad you liked that detail about Ron defending Hermione - Ron's such a defensive person, and I felt he really adored Hermione and would get angry when somebody turned against her - even though he's not always the nicest to her.

I promise to reveal the story... someday. :P It's definitely written, though might not be posted for a little while. Yeah, he's sort of shoving his way in right now. And Richard! More of him coming, yay! :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review, dear! ♥


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Review #14, by Aphoride Rose

29th March 2014:
Hey there - ah, I'm so excited to come back to this story! I was torn between this one and your Pied Piper story, but I chose this one in the end, since I'd already started reading/reviewing it :P

I love the information about her job and how she didn't do as well as expected in exams and feels so much pressure to live up to her mother - at least, that's what I got from it. It's so easy, I think, to forget that they'd have grown up with their parents' reputations over their heads, and that it's a lot to bear as a kid. It's an interesting characterisation of Rose, too - and not one I've seen very often so I like it! :)

Mahaha, yeah summer jobs aren't usually great! Poor Rose... though, ooh, the time turner article in the newspaper... how she goes back in time? And the skull, I'm guessing, is Richard? Aww, love at first sight - not! :P

Hermione and Ron are just so brilliantly characterised, as well. I love how Ron's content to work a fairly boring, low-level Auror job, because it's a change after the war, whereas Hermione likes to be busy and has a high-flying career and all. It's so typical, and really nice to see Ron not quite Harry's second-in-command and things. It works so well with their characters! And Ron blowing up the coffee maker was hilarious!

I loved the last scene so much - with Richard. I love how you explained his character, and didn't tell us who he was immediately, but let us work it out and gradually come to realise his identity. It was such a clever way to do it! I love the details you've put in here, too - with mentioning his brothers, and English legends he was told as a child and things, because they're such great period details! So far, he seems like a pretty nice guy :P And I like how you haven't portrayed him as openly evil or ugly or anything like that... it's interesting and I'm so curious to see how he develops through this.

Speaking of details, all your details, really, in this are beautiful. There's so much in this, but it doesn't overwhelm the plot or the pace or bog it down, you know - somehow you manage to find that perfect balance! :)

I'm so excited with this story - I've missed it, strangely - and I really, really want to read on! Hopefully I'll be back soon! ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah, well I'm glad you chose this one! :D I really love getting your feedback on it!

I'm so glad you liked the portrayal of Rose as a bit of an underachiever and not living up to what her mother wants for her. Rose is very much her own person and not a copy of either of her parents, and she makes a lot of mistakes sometimes. Also, she is only eighteen and to enter the workforce and find a career at that age would be quite a lot to ask, and Rose isn't quite as ambitious as her mother would like - this only makes me like her more, however. :P

Haha, agreed! Hmm, interesting guess - it certainly has something to do with her adventures. I love reading people's reactions to the skull, it's so creepy but kind of cool at the same time. She definitely wasn't bowled over by his good looks this first time around! :P

Okay, it's so nice to hear you like how I wrote the parents. They intimidate me, and I don't think I could do them justice in Hogwarts-era. Hermione especially is based on my own mum since they have very similar personalities in some ways. I never imagined Ron or Harry for that matter being particularly ambitious or dedicated to boring work in the way Hermione is, so I'm glad you like him here. :)

Richard! Thank you, I'm pleased you liked how he was introduced. I really like working on the period details and how superstitious the people would have been. I'm excited for you to see him grow and change - he's one of those characters I just love to explore and see how people react to him.

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that - I sometimes get a bit too heavy-handed with detail and description so it's lovely to get such positive feedback.

Thank you so much for the amazing review! :D


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Review #15, by Penelope Inkwell The Burrow (Part II)

20th March 2014:
“Albus looked uncomfortable: he and Scorpius had actually been quite chummy during the year and a half we were together, and the pair had often spent time on their own when I wasn’t around.“
--Poor Albus. Oh, the awkwardness when we make friends with our family/friends’ significant others, only to be in really uncomfortable straits when they break up.

Louis is very observant. I like how you really built that trait in him up over several chapters, though, before just announcing it here and then adding in mentions of his observant-ness from here on out. I felt like I’ve noticed it about him before. What I’m saying is, a lot of writers use these moments as a sort of crutch to describe the key characteristics of their characters, but you didn’t. It was already there. And that’s good writing.

“But don’t you think you’d prefer to be polite, and calm and relaxed, and not let him ruin this glorious night with your beloved extended family?”
--Excellent advice, Louis darling, but why do I have a feeling that it isn’t exactly going to work out that way?

“He had opinions about the break-up which I refused to hear about: opinions that maybe Scorpius had dealt the final blow, but that we had been fighting and acting immature for months; that I wasn’t always the nicest girlfriend either. But Scorpius had lost his right to pity after what he did, and my cousins – well, at least these two cousins – were obligated to see my side and my side alone.”
--I’m assuming that he cheated? That seems the direction that this is all going. But I like that, deep down, she knows that even though what he did was worse, the problems in their relationship were a two-way street. It’s a nice change-up from the “spotless victim” coming out of a breakup.

“Part of my irritation towards Molly was that she was so bloody short: being around short people made me feel hulking and awkward.”
--Hahaha, Rose, the teller of the truths we never want to admit! I’m not even tall. Probably slightly below average height. But I know that when I’m with my tinier friends, I feel like I’m some sort of behemoth, so I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be truly tall and feel that all the time. And then, taller people make me feel 5 years old. We just can’t win--none of us, huh?

“The rest of George’s siblings had been called into the kitchen to help Nan prepare supper: apparently, she didn’t trust her fifth son around hot things or around other people’s meals. “
--Another detail that I love. Smart woman, that Molly Weasley.

-“Albus stared at my enviously. “I wish I could do that.”
-“What? Be an expert in classes you aren’t even enrolled in?”
-He scowled. “No. Raise one eyebrow at a time.”

--Hahahaha. Love this exchange. I spent years trying to learn how to raise one eyebrow because my older brother can do it so well. That’s probably the most exercised muscle in my entire body, just from all the time I spent as a child trying to get it right ;) Sigh. He’s still way better at it.

I really like Rose and Al’s dynamic. They’re snarky and sassy and it’s cute.

Yay! Quidditch! And good work with the songs. They made me smile, especially Rose’s.

Oh, poor Rose. Of course, she did handle that poorly, but I think I can understand why. I mean, if you gave me a stick and told me I could hit projectiles in the direction of an ex-boyfriend who had hurt me like that, could I resist? Probably not. In fact, my family would probably be shocked at my sudden development of athletic prowess. At least she didn’t put Scorpius in traction at St. Mungo’s right? Poor Matt, though. Welcome to the fam!

And yay! Run from your problems by escaping into the past, which is probably illegal per both the government and the laws of space and time! But it’s so romantic.
...perhaps...I should not be giving Rose this advice. But I really want her to see Richard again! A little bending of the laws of space and time never hurt anyone. Or, at least, it was never proven to.

Oh, poor Richard, too. He’s been through such awful things. It’s nice to see his devotion to the king (his cousin, right?). But his brother sounds like he could be a bit of a problem. My War of the Roses knowledge is a little bit rusty, and I don’t want to go and look it up, because spoilers. Really, really old spoilers!

Woah, how did Rose met that old woman? Is she a witch, too? She’s got “strange powers” and all. 

Richard! Ugh. Poor choice. You’d better be back, mister. When someone travels across hundreds of years to pay you a visit, you owe them some courtesy, sir!

Well, I suppose he has just been on a rather long journey. I get tired when I travel, too, and I don’t usually do it by horse. So there’s that. Still, I’m hoping to get a bit more Richard-Rose togetherness time in the next chapter!


CC:
“At the mention of self-esteem I saw Al take a little step back as if it was too much for him to handle.”
--Not sure I totally get this statement? It’s not, like, tampons. Why is a self-esteem discussion something that makes Al want to scurry?


“But I was first accosted by Auntie Angelina, who was lovely at the worst of times and wanted to hear all about my job and how I was getting on with Hazlehurst, who she said she’d known at school with an amused grin on her face. “
--You might consider rearranging this sentence and not putting the “with an amused grin on her face” at the tail end, just because it kind of makes the sentence’s meaning murkier. Does that make sense? It’s not like it’s unclear what it means, but I did have to read it twice. However, once again, we’re getting into super picky territory. I’m always in super picky territory with your stories, because they’re so well-written.


Another excellent chapter. SO excited to see what awaits these two! I must gain this knowledge, posthaste! Love it love it love it!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Ah, I know! Especially since they were in the same year, I imagined things would get quite awkward. And also, while Rose villian-izes (no idea if that's actually a word, oh well :P) Scorpius, he's definitely not the only one at fault here, and Albus is sort of aware of that.

Thank you! :) I'm so glad you noticed that, and it's certainly a trait that Louis and Rose share. I imagine Louis as being usually rather perceptive as well, though he didn't really catch on to what was going on between Rose and Archie. And haha, despite this it doesn't mean Rose will take his advice of course. :P

Yes! Even though Rose acts like Scorpius is the bad guy, so to speak, she's not entirely innocent either. It gets revealed a little more in future chapters, but I did try to put in more hints about how Rose wasn't always the nicest to Scorpius either. My philosophy on this is that people like them don't do bad things completely out of the blue.

None of us can win! :P That was a little insensitive of Rose to say, but it's the kind of thing she would worry about and that I think a lot of us tall-ish folk have to think about. But yes, being short would have its effects as well!

Haha, I imagine that George as an adult wouldn't be too different from George as a young man. :P

Haha! I totally agree, I wish I could raise one eyebrow flawlessly. It's a wicked skill. I can sort of do it if I concentrate really hard, but I agree, it's the sort of thing which is very enviable.

I'm glad you like Al and Rose! I imagine them being best friends from the cradle and having an almost brother-sister relationship as well as being best friends. The Quidditch songs were so fun to write - I wasn't sure if they really fit the chapter but honestly couldn't resist. I will never forgive that they weren't in the movies - though there might have been a deleted scene, hmm.

I agree! And the bad thing about being a Beater is that you're supposed to be hitting Bludgers at the other team, so she can get away with it for a little while. And hahaha, the Matt moment sort of made me cringe to be honest. The poor guy - he's actually pretty nice!

Hehe, well I needed to get her back into the past somehow, and it's the sort of impulsive decision she makes when she's annoyed and upset and not really thinking. :) I'm glad you're rooting for her to get there, despite it being illegal! And well... it's only the beginning, so if there are consequences, Rose won't realize them for a long time.

Can I just say I love how you don't want to look up history because history is spoilers? :P Hehe. I'll just explain that part quickly in case you didn't look it up though - he has two brothers, his eldest one is the current king and the one he seems to rather worship. :) His other brother is also older but is a bit of a troublemaker. :)

I agree, traveling from London on horseback would be exhausting! To be fair, he does have to do that all the time so he really shouldn't be complaining that much. Right now he's sort of being a jerk and assuming that she's a peasant and he doesn't need to waste time on her - people were just lovely back in those days! But he might come around, we'll see. :P

Thanks so much for pointing those out, I've just gone and clarified/fixed them.:)

Thanks so much for the lovely reviews, darling! :) I really appreciate each of them and you're always so thoughtful and detailed. Thank you! ♥


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Review #16, by Penelope Inkwell The Burrow (Part I)

20th March 2014:
"Floo powder used to travel to other locations was quite pricey and Mum insisted we only use it in emergencies, grumbling about inflation and unnecessary spending. “
--You’ve really thought through a lot of details of wizarding government and economics, haven’t you? I’ve never really thought about the price of Floo powder, though it does make sense that it would be pricey. Then again, these people don’t have to pay for gasoline. Don’t come crying to me, wizards with your easy, emission-free transportation. But there was a bit about housing stuff in the last chapter. How did you become interested in thinking out all those details? How fascinating.

Glad to hear that Dudley’s children apparently turned out alright!

How very sad about Mr. Weasley. I’ve a good bit of experience with dementia, and it’s really one of the worst challenges that can face a family. It makes me sad to think of him that way, but I do like how very real you’ve made this family. They face the same sort of problems that we all do. Magic doesn’t always mean a quick fix, and that helps Rose to be more of a sympathetic character. Sure, there are wonders in her life, but she’s also a pretty normal girl.

"Dominique was a wild-card: nobody knew when she would show up and with which beard-sporting, guitar-case carrying boyfriend in tow with odd names like Sven and Jangles and Steak. Yes, “Steak.”
--Oh my gosh, dying. These details--these are the ones that kill me! Now that I think on it, it’s a miracle that no one in my family married someone named along those same lines. I’m pretty sure some of them came close.

“Oh, lau it,”
--Haven’t heard that one. Where does that come from?

LOVE the little details in this, like Nearly Headless Nick lying for Rose’s sake (that seems very him), and that Hagrid’s next dog was named Molar (please tell me his litter included a “Canine" and “Incisor”?) And IS HE CHEWING ON THE TRANSFIGURED BODY OF BARTY CROUCH SR.?!

Scorpius, you do NOT crash your ex-girlfriend’s family party at her family’s house. It just isn’t done. Isn’t there some sort of wizarding Emily Post to warn you off of these situations? You should know better.


CC:

I don’t have anything specific, like misspellings or words in the wrong place. If I had to give something, it would be that this chapter is a little bit slow. There’s a lot of background information, much of which is necessary, and I liked learning what the family was up to. But, just for pacing, it might be worth considering to cut out a short anecdote or two. Maybe cutting down the Malfoys background section, for instance? This whole critique is getting quite picky, of course, because the chapter is well-written. But if you WANT to be really picky, that would be my best suggestion to improve this chapter.

It was fun to hear all the background, though. Perhaps instead of cutting things, a few little descriptions/anecdotes could just be moved to different parts of the story, instead of having a whole chapter that is basically devoted to exposition.

Once again, it’s a good chapter. This is just the whole, “If I had to find one thing to polish, this would be it,” sort of thing. I had a lot of fun reading it, and I’m really impressed with how much detail you’ve given the backstory here. You’ve really thought through everyone in the family, which is, like, super impressive, because there are 10 million and 2 people in the Weasley family. Your ability to keep all that straight and introduce it in an organized fashion is impressive :D

Looking forward to Rose time traveling soon, since Richard is going to have a strange visitor!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hello! :) Ah, sorry for taking so long in replying to your amazing review - life has been crazy. :(

I'm so happy that you noticed that and liked it! In scenes like this I end up venting my concerns about how easy it is to be a wizard with transportation and possibly not having to pay Muggle taxes and things, so I try to make it as difficult for them as possible. :P If Floo powder was that easy and cheap, then why would they even bother using a car ever, so it makes sense to give some disadvantages to it and Apparition. And yeah, they don't have to deal with petrol, that is so true!

Aw, yeah! I'd love to read/write a story about how the next generation of Dursleys turned out sometime.

I'm pleased you found Arthur's dementia something which felt realistic in the family. I have experience with it on both sides of my family and it really affects so many people, and I think it adds a more serious dimension into the family. Rose is quite normal, and I'm glad you think so!

Hahaha, after writing this I decided I love Dominique and Steak so much that they leaked into my Louis-centered story as well! :P Which isn't otherwise connected... ah well.

When I lived in England a few years ago they would say "lau it" as sort of meaning "oh, forget it" or "nevermind." I'm not sure if they say it in other regions but I thought it was a good way of expressing themselves - sometimes I'll throw it into conversation here in Canada, but the Canadians are just confused.

Yes, Nick was quite fond of Rose... :). And Molar! Hahah, those are excellent names for adorable little boarhound puppies. Now I can't stop thinking of weird dog names to do with teeth. And ew about the Barty's bone thing, well... presumably it might still be there... :P

Scorpius... yeah, occasional recklessness is something he shares with Rose. :P

That's such a good point about these chapters, I definitely got a bit carried away with the background. Description and context is my Achilles heel. :P Hmm, it might be a bit late for this chapter but I'll see what I can do, and keep that in mind. I know that Chapter 21 has a big chunk of backstory, but it's sort of relevant, but I'll see what I can do. :) Thanks so much for pointing that out!

Thank you for the awesome review! :D


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Review #17, by Penelope Inkwell Barnard Castle

20th March 2014:
Jeeennna! I love this story! Sorry if it’s slow going, but I’m going to review every chapter if it kills me. Hah!


" Once again, he began to quietly hate cursed magic, which haunted the nightmares of his childhood. The witch. He loathed magic for bringing him Rose and taking her away from him. Like a knight and faerie lady in a romance of King Arthur, they could never belong to the same world, be entirely as one. Magic brought him peace, yet snatched it away with the fleeting sweet smell of her hair lingering upon his skin.”
--this is beautiful. Well, really, all your sections of this type are lovely, but I love how careful the balance of your word choice is here. I can really feel the tension: how grateful he is to know Rose, and how much he curses his fate for giving her to him only to take her away. He seems to be struggling with the whole, “better to have loved and lost” thing here, and the way you do it is lovely, I think.

I like the way you depict Rose’s reaction to what’s happened. For a moment, I was like, “Doesn’t she want to go home? Sort things out? Why stay where she’s going to have to put on an act?” But then, when I thought about it, it seemed like such a very human response. She doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t want to have to sort it out yet. It’s terrifying, and she wants to put off questioning it and be with people that make her feel safe. And I think that makes a lot of sense.

Maude seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I can see why she’s a crucial part of their little group. I’ve heard so much about her that I’m quite happy to finally meet her. Also, am I picking up that she’s gay? Good on you for writing diverse characters. That’s the one thing about HP. There is Dumbledore, of course, which is alluded to, and of course there ARE PoC characters (the Patels, Shacklebolt, Dean Thomas, Angelina), but they play very peripheral roles. And in fanfic we have a bit more freedom, I suppose, so it’s good to see all sorts of people being represented!

Cecelia is really growing on me, too. I feel like things could never be all that boring, so long as you were friends with her. But the poor girl really does attract some...interesting characters.

Cecelia and Atticus Voltaire Smith are CRACKING ME UP! You paint him so perfectly, I can just see it now. I’ve never known anyone just like that, but I FEEL like I have. Also, making his last name “Smith” and the whole “PaPA’s yearly salary” bit? Bahaha. He’s so horrible and hilarious at the same time.

What is Richard going to do? Oh my gosh! The waiting is going to drive me mad, isn’t it? Richard, don’t do it!


No CC for you this time. It’s another great chapter, and while I throw it in there as a rule, there’s no point searching up problems when I didn’t notice any. Good work! Loving this story!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny! :)

Ah, you spoil me! Please don't feel you have to review every chapter! I've really enjoyed hearing your thoughts on the story, no matter when they arrive. :)

Thank you! I really love writing Richard's thought patterns and the way he sees the world at this point. Yes! He is just like that, and part of his problem is that he usually sees the world in quite binary terms of right and wrong, loyalty and disloyalty. So his conflicted feelings for Rose are all the more difficult to negotiate.

Yes, I imagined that Rose is a little confused and shocked, and being around her friends helps both distract her from it and give her time to process what was going on. I think, too, that she's a little afraid to be alone at a time like this - I would be, at least. :)

I'm really glad you liked Maude! :) She's the more level-headed one of the three but definitely has a mischievous side as well. She is gay! I've been trying to include at least one main or secondary character in a lot of my stories who is gay or part of a minority as it just feels more realistic. And I agree about HP, it's too bad that at least one main character who represents a different group, but what can you do.

Haha, I agree about Cecelia! She's fun, but can be a little overwhelming. And Atticus Voltaire, hahaha. I honestly googled "pretentious names" or something and that was the name which came up and I fell in love. Characters like that are so fun even if real people like that aren't so much. :P He is a bit of a caricature but he'll be popping in and out every so often.

Hehe, this is the thing about time travel, evil author can make the readers wait forever to fill in the pieces. :P

Thanks so much for the amazing reviews! ♥ I really appreciate your thoughts and feedback on this story, and I'm very excited that you're enjoying it! :)


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Review #18, by marauderfan Fotheringay

18th March 2014:
Great chapter! So there wasn't a lot of action but you more than made up for it with the amount of detail in building this historical world. Seriously, I love your descriptions and attention to detail, it makes this story so rich.

I love that you didn't shy away from describing the poor hygeine of the 1400s and Rose's kind of uncomfortsble reaction to it,as she's used to the much cleaner 21st century. Haha... Agnes.

Omg. I love Hermione's views on Christianity. The bit about Rose sitting in church while her knees hurt as she kneels at mass, and imagines Jesus judging her for inappropriate thoughts and wondering if the people next to her know. I was giggling. I'm glad I'm not the only person who inexplicably wonders if people around me can read my mind when I'm thinking inappropriate things.. lol. (Though you may want to fix the wording of that sentence, it has a couple extra words in it: Often, I found find quite inappropriate thoughts float into my head,  )

The baron… the baron Ronald, who lives in some obscure land to the south which is rarely visited by anyone and which is a very unpleasant place to live- I wouldn’t recommend investigating further.”  -- WHAT LOL. DYING. XD Good one Rose, really subtle.How did he fall for that?

The scene with Ellyn was cute, its nice they were able to have some girl talk, though sad that Ellyn's lot in life probably won't amount to much as she's a woman in the serving class. :(

I love the angry monk story, btw. Ooh,I'm excited to see how this banquet goes. Given Rose's really non-suspicious lying so far... I think it won't go super well. Awesome chapter!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so glad you liked this and all the descriptions! This was another one of those chapters which just didn't want to end, haha.

Yes! Haha, I've read some time travel stories which just don't touch on hygiene and privacy standards at all, but if I were Rose that would really be on my mind. Hahaha...

I'm really happy you liked the religion references! Hehe, I totally relate to that as well, especially in such a quiet place. :P And then thinking about people reading my mind makes me think inappropriate things that I wouldn't have been thinking if I weren't paranoid... it's a vicious cycle. Thank god Legilimency isn't real. :P

Aha, I shall go and fix it once I'm done responding. :)

Richard is being way too non-suspicious of Rose because he likes her, though in those days there was no Internet of course and since they're in a rural area she can trick him a little.

Aw, I know. :( Poor Ellyn, she really doesn't have much of a chance. Rose's interactions with her were quite interesting to write as they're so different yet Rose finds that she can talk to Ellyn in ways that she can't with others in the 15th century.

Angry monks! I re-read that when I was posting this and was just laughing so hard that I'd actually put it in, I'm glad you liked it. :P Thanks so much for the awesome review, and I can't wait to post the next chapter!! :)


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Review #19, by patronus_charm Fotheringay

17th March 2014:
I loved how Rose could still be so calm and normal about the situation, especially in regards to the toilet, because if it was me I would be freaking out big time! I really liked how you included all those thoughts about her friends as it drew her closer to me as a reader and made me understand what she was missing by being in the past with Richard. You also captured this lovely spirit about her with the way she sort of bounded around and had all of this energy and I really loved that.

The aspect of religion was explored really well here and I really enjoyed reading it. It was so funny seeing a modern person going through all these elaborate rituals because to the people in those times, but just seeing Rose there highlighted how arduous it all was and how much times have changed. Then Hermione’s standpoint made me laugh at lot because it just seemed so her with the way she always looked for logical and never something more, it was just nice to see her characterisation shine through there.

Aw, Rose’s conversation with Richard was so awkward yet so adorable at the same time. He’s so considerate and sweet, in fact, when I think of their relationship I imagine it to be like what he had with Elizabeth of York, this sort of forbidden love you can’t but have. I loved how Rose just made up a title for herself and made Ron a baron, I bet he would love to that! Gah, I have so many questions if the Earl of Warwick is going to feature in this, is Richard going to marry Anne? Then his thing with Elizabeth, what’s happening with that? I’m hoping nothing is the answer because he and Rose are so sweet!

I loved her sort of heart to heart with Ellyn, it’s really nice to see that she’s beginning to have some friends there (now I feel as if I’m Rose’s mother :P). Aw, and she has a crush of George, I guess he always had that bad boy feel for him so I could see why she would. I really can’t wait to see how the banquet goes because I’m feeling something big might be about to happen!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Me too! Rose is used to luxury - anything is more luxurious than this, to be honest - but I decided that she had to sort of accept it or else blow her cover and make a big scene. :P Haha I'm really glad you liked hearing about her friends and her thoughts about being there. She's so much fun to write and in this chapter she's sort of sneaking around and biting her tongue and holding back while going slightly crazy with confusion and the need to brush her teeth, so it was quite fun to write. :P

Thank you! Talking about religion and superstition and how it would appear to somebody like Rose was one of the things I was most excited for with this story. I agree with her, it would feel so pointless if she wasn't getting anything out of all the praying. Haha, Hermione here is in most ways a reincarnation of my own mom, and that is just something my mom would say. :P

Yes! He is really nice to her, in his way. He really has no idea how to interact with women especially mysterious ones like Rose - he knows there is something suspicious about her but is ignoring it for now. Ron would totally love to be a baron! Hehe, well you'll just have to wait and find out - it is as much as possible going to follow historical canon (or fact?). The Anne thing and the Elizabeth of York thing are a little problematic in terms of TOS but I have a plan to work around it, sort of. :)

Haha! Aw, yeah I really like Ellyn, she's so sweet and innocent. Yes, the George thing might pose some problems for her. There is something big which happens at the banquet, though it is a little subtle and I'm quite excited to see if people notice it! :D And that's all I can say for now but I'm really excited to put the next chapter up.

Thanks so much for the amazing review! :D


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Review #20, by marauderfan Richard

11th March 2014:
Hi Jenna! Ah, I'm sorry it's taken me ages to get here and read this marvellous chapter. But anyway. Yay! I love the background on Richard in this one, from his perspective, and all the information about the kingdoms and his brother - I just love the attention to history and the wonderful spin you put on it. Your style of writing, with your vivid descriptions and wonderful characters, really makes history come to life.

So she lost the potion. That's definitely going to cause some problems later. I have a feeling she'll be around in the past for a while this time...

I loved the discussion between Rose and Richard in the field. Rose is able to get away with quite a lot, in terms of her colloquial speaking, being very forward and free! It might cause problems ifshe decides to stay at the castle, no matter how hard she tries not to embarrass him. But I think she's in for a rude awakening when she finds out what life is like for most women in that century (especially given her history with Scorpius, and what Richard said - or rather didn't say - about gender roles  in the 1400s). I don't think Rose will like it. I certainly wouldn't!

Ooh, and I'm really curious to know the story with Scorpius. Something tells me it's much more than she let on. I hope we find out soon. Speaking of things I want to find out and still haven't forgotten about, I am still curious about the pigeon incident! :p

This was another fantastic chapter - keep up the great work. :)

Author's Response: Hi Kristin! :)

Not at all! I'm just glad you're still reading this story, it makes me so happy to get your lovely thoughts on it. I'm pleased you liked hearing from Richard - it's funny, when I first starting writing this I had no idea I was going to slip into his point of view so frequently, but it's quite fun. Wow, thank you! :) I'm so pleased you think history is being brought to life! :D

Haha yes, more about the potion later! :P And she's definitely here for longer than a few hours this time.

Yes! Rose is going to get into trouble, and she's very differently minded from the people in the past. And she's going to have some difficulty reconciling herself to the treatment of women as well. Richard is quite fascinated by her, so she gets away with it a little, but he has his darker, masochist side too, inevitably. I wouldn't like it either!

Hehe, I promise to tell more about Scorpius (in fact, there's a whole half-a-chapter dedicated to their saga!). And the pigeon incident! Gah, there's never the perfect time to introduce it. I promise not to hold out forever however. :P

Thanks so much for the lovely review! ♥ I just put the next chapter into the queue - this story is just so fun to write and update. :)


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Review #21, by ShadowRose Prologue

7th March 2014:
Hello, I'm here for Blackout Bingo!

I was scrolling through your Author's Page, and the phrase "War of the Roses" caught my eye, and the history nerd in me positively died. I've read far too many books on that time period, so I was really excited to see a fanfiction story that centers around that era.

I could go on for days and days about how much I adore your writing style, and all its eloquence, but that's probably a waste of space, and I know you probably already know how amazing your description and voice is throughout your work. I absolutely adore the changes in perspective here - particularly the part at the beginning, where you've personified time, and show how the story plays out through meddling with time, and how Time extracts its revenge. The quilt metaphor was absolutely brilliant as well, and I loved reading that part.

It's really powerful that Rose is basically dying as a punishment for her meddling in time, yet, she doesn't regret it. Clearly, there's some strong attachment between her and Richard, because she's willing to die for the time she spent with him. On the other hand, I think you've also showed that with Richard as well. His wife definitely has that overbearing, superior attitude, and I can see why he might have gone after Rose despite being married - their marriage certainly isn't a happy one. I'm actually really excited to see how you play with his character, because Richard's often thought of as the villain, so it'll be interesting to see how you adapt his character here.

Gah, I'm only like 2500 words in and I'm obsessed. From the start, you've woven such an intricate and powerful story and I really can't wait to read more whenever I get the chance.

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hi Taylor! :)

Yay for history nerds! :D I'm always excited when somebody who loves history stumbles upon this story and gives me their opinion. It's such a fascinating time and a lot of fun to write in.

Aw, thank you! :) You're so sweet, I really appreciate all your lovely comments. I'm glad you liked the changes - I played around with this chapter quite a bit and there was this whole other scene which just got cut completely, so it's great to get positive feedback. I'm pleased you liked the quilt metaphor as well, it was a fun way to think about time.

Yes! It's quite complicated, but she is basically being punished and things have gone very wrong. She's also really not in her right mind at the moment due to the sickness and her desperation. I'm glad you weren't a big fan of his wife as well - she is a bit of a villain but never really stands a chance against Rose. I'm glad you're excited to see him change from villain to more anti-hero, I think, as he keeps some of his dark history.

I'm so pleased you liked this, this review was just beautiful! ♥ Thank you so much!


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Review #22, by Penelope Inkwell Hunt

3rd March 2014:
So, I loved this chapter. Unsurprising. First interaction between Rose and Richard! And it was so heart-rendingly short! That’s the last time he saw her? My heart!

I ship them so hard already, and I’ve seen them together for like 20 seconds.

You do a lovely job with working in the speech differences. Richard is understandable, but obviously from a different time, so good job with that! I feel like it’d be hard to get it just right, but you’ve done it.

Have I mentioned how much I like this incarnation of Rose? She grows on me more and more every chapter. I like how you’ve made her a sort of every-girl. And I don’t mean that like the dreaded “Mary Sue” term. I just mean that, despite her famous family and brilliant mother and all, she’s fairly normal. Endearingly flawed. It’s a different depiction from what I usually see, and I like how you’ve done it.


CC:
Really, it’s all just little spelling/word choice details. I have nothing to critique in terms of content. :)

"it’s comforting and familiar weight”
--“it’s" ought to be "its”

"for it dug its long heels into the ground.”
--I read “long heels” and think of a rabbit or a hare. It doesn’t seem like a very horse-like movement/description. Maybe, “dug its hooves into the ground,”?

"How now, Rose, how I am supposed to proceed to quite uncertain.”
--I didn’t quite understand that sentence. But maybe that’s just me.

"Some of them I was perfectly fine pushing away, especially if their breath tasted of sick or whiskey (indeed, the latter was likely to induce the second on my own part)”
--This sentence structure seems a little wonky. Specifically, “The latter was likely to produce the second on my own part”. Following back, that would be, “[Whiskey] was likely to produce [whiskey] on my own part,” or at least that’s how it seemed to me. I thought you were maybe saying that if their breath tasted of sick, Rose might end up sick herself (a very relatable sentiment!), but I had some trouble understanding the sentence.

"was missing a tooth fan back in his mouth,”
--Is “fan” supposed to be “far”?

Anyway, so that’s all the nitpicky little things. But yeah, this chapter was excellent. I want more Richard and Rose! When can that be a thing that happens? Also, nice job creating chemistry between people who, from our perspective at this point...don’t know each other. That was a well written kiss, especially between strangers (I know that he knows her, but you know what I mean? Usually, by the time characters kiss, the audience has been waiting for it so long, it’s automatically a good scene. Since we haven’t been waiting in the same way, you had to work harder, and I think you pulled it off excellently! It was romantic and smoldery without being too much, considering the strangers thing). I read this chapter this morning and have been looking forward to getting back and reading more all day. I’m definitely hooked, and this story has officially been added to my Favorites list!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hola! :)

Yay, I'm so glad you liked it! And yes, it is the first and last interaction in the past in a way, haha. It made me sad to write about it too, poor Richard! Hehe, I'm glad you're shipping them!

The speech differences are so tricky! I've been playing around with them quite a bit throughout the story so I'm really excited you thought they were well done. It's not quite authentic, but hopefully enough to show how they would sound differently to one another.

I'm really glad you like Rose! She's quite fun to write and her character feels very real to me, so I'm glad you feel that way. She has a lot of flaws, of course, but who doesn't?

Thanks so much, I've gone through and fixed those. :D I really should get a beta for this. :P

I'm glad you like them, and it will be a thing... eventually. :P I'm pleased you liked the way the kiss was written as well as it can be hard to write a good one! The timeline of this story is all messed up, which does make things like that more challenging so I'm really excited you liked the romanticness and strangeness. :)

Thanks so much for the amazing review, dear! ♥ It really means a lot that you're liking the story and taking the time to leave these lovely comments!


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Review #23, by patronus_charm Richard

28th February 2014:
*slides in pretending it hasn’t taken her an age to get here*

Ah, I adored this chapter – it was so cute and so many feels. I think it was the fact that this was from Richard’s POV which made me enjoy it so much because though we have seen him in bits, we really got to know him and his character here and how he could end up with Rose. I loved learning more about his family, because it was fun seeing these characters in somewhere other than PG’s books. I think my favourite bit was how Richard thought about Edward talking about Elizabeth because I guess Rose is his version of her as they have this ethereal quality and they’re rather different. I really want the two of them to meet so badly!

We got to know more about his childhood too with the softer mentions with his sister Margaret and how his whole family affected him and it was nice to see some positive points about them for once :P The thoughts about the stories from Agnes were especially lovely as we can see how much she affected him and I can’t wait to see the two of them interact some more.

Hehe I loved all the talk about Rose’s station and Richard wanting to know more about her background as it can only lead to good things, namely more developments on the romance side of things for the pair of them. I think the fact that he was glad that Rose had run away from her betrothed was the most squee worthy piece out of the entire chapter because it was so cute and yeah I can’t wait for them to be together even if they sort have been in the future of the past :P

Ooh one another small thing, I loved how you hinted at possible tension between Rose and Scorpius and how they had history and I can’t wait to find out more about the cause and reason for that. Well even if you hinted at a possible cheating going there I just want to know more. Also, Richard’s comments about infidelity made me laugh a lot because it’s nice to know that the respect for women has grown over the years!

Such a great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :D

Not at all! I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, I've been so busy with the battle. :P

Thank you! :) I'm really glad you liked it as I was a little uncertain about it. I started writing this chapter from Rose's perspective, but really wanted to get into Richard's head a little, and I'm glad you like him. I hope you like my interpretations of them! I'm trying to steer clear of PG's portrayals and base them off historical information, but of course that's what she did as well so it is a little difficult. And maybe they will meet in the future! :) Hehe.

Haha yes! I imagined that at this stage in his life and being home, he would have all these memories. I love writing about Agnes and Richard's childhood, and of course it's quite important to the story, so I'm really glad you liked that.

Richard definitely has a little crush... or whatever he might call it in those days. :P He's very intrigued by Rose and I'm glad you liked the betrothal story, hehe. This gives Rose a chance to think on her feet and Richard to be blinded from logic a little in believing her, to be honest. :)

I promise to tell you guys all about Rose and Scorpius... well, some day! :P There's a big reveal and explanation in a later chapter which I've written already and am quite pleased about. And yes, this period was really not the best time to be a woman, as Rose might discover!

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, Kiana! ♥ I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the story! :D


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Review #24, by Penelope Inkwell Rose

20th February 2014:
Hola!


So, I’ve been looking forward to reading more of this story. The past week has been madness, and this is the first chance I’ve had to get some reading done, and, lo and behold, who do I see posting for a review swap? I immediately knew what I had to go read (though, honestly, I would’ve read it anyway).

“I like it when I can see your eyes, Rose.” Haha, this is just such a mom line! In high school I was on the color guard, and our parent sponsor (sweet, sweet lady) was always ordering me to, “Get your hair out of your pretty face!” I totally feel Rose’s pain.

I remember that article! I love that that’s how you begin this whole adventure--with an allusion to a newspaper article about the person she’ll soon be meeting. What’s even cooler is that it really was a famous article, not just made up for plot convenience. It makes me feel sort of in on it, if that makes any sense at all?

The bit between Ron and Hermione about how to properly wave a wand is so great. Takes me right back to the days of “Levi-OH-sah”. :D

This exchange is all that is adorable in this world”

“‘I’m not old,” Dad pouted, sitting down and dropping his wand rather clumsily on the table in front of him. “Though it’s sometimes hard to believe I have a daughter old enough to have a paying position at the Ministry.

‘Don’t worry, you don’t look a day over twenty-seven,” I reassured him, patting his arm amicably. “And I don’t get paid much.’”

Haha, as bosses go, I think Hazelhurst might not be so bad as a boss. There would, at least, always be plenty of entertainment. I love that even your smaller characters are so fleshed out. Within a few lines of description and dialogue, I already feel as though I know them, have worked with them for years.

Cecelia sounds like one of those friends. You know the ones? They’re actually fantastic, and you couldn’t do without them, but when you try to describe them to someone else, they don’t like them until they meet them.

Poor Rose, with her NEWT results. I mean, that could totally happen. Come to think of it, the wizarding system of employment is kind of awful, isn’t it? It all depends on standardized testing. Yikes! So much pressure! The SAT was bad enough.

I adore this part: “As a boy, his nurse had told him tales of Faerieland, where nymphs and sprites danced until the dawn tickled them, where fairies drank mead from acorn cups and reveled, drawing mortals into their bowers and dens. He had thought sometimes, as a small child, looking at his elder sisters, famous beauties, and his elder brothers, strong and strong-hearted golden young men, that he himself was a changeling child, a fairy child, dark-haired and sallow and small and weak of limb, brought from Faerieland while his mother’s own babe, golden and mighty like his brothers, had been spirited away to join the revels and be a pet to the Faerie queen.”
--first off, the phrasing is just gorgeous! Second, it immediately makes Richard so relatable. You feel for him. The Faerie bit you wove in, with the notes of being a changeling/outsider, and Faerieland (a place where all was happy) not existing, and Rose being his Faery lady, was a stroke of genius!

I am so eager to see them meet each other. Everything about this chapter is brilliant. I didn’t actually find anything to give CC on, which pretty much never happens. Rose strikes me as a bit young and lazy, but that’s actually a realistic portrayal of a normal person. It makes gives her lots of room to grow, and makes her a bit more normal, so to speak. I like the versions where she seems so much “Hermione’s daughter”, too, but it’s really nice to see a version of Rose that is more like Ron (and, let’s face it, all of us mere mortals). 

I love this. And I will definitely be reading on! Thanks for the swap!


--Penny

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad to see you back! :D

Hehe, I'm glad you liked that line! It really is SUCH a mom line and was inspired by the kind of thing my mom says all the time. I'm happy you can relate!

I'm so excited that you know about the article and how this was big news - that's so cool! Yay, it's lovely to know how you like how it tied in and that the reader is in on the story. I love that!

Haha, that was my intention! I imagine Hermione nagging Ron and Ron being silly all throughout their marriage. I love writing them as adults - I'd be terrified to write them as children! :P

I'm glad you found it adorable! And yes, Hazlehurst really isn't bad at all, even if Rose's job is quite boring and unfulfilling.

That's exactly Cecelia! She's a lot more likable when she gets a little more screen time, I think. :P

Ah, I know! I would hate to be a wizard going into the wizarding world of employment, it's even scarier than the Muggle one I'm facing at the moment. :P Rose is a little lazy and had some bad luck with the exams, but that only makes me like her more to be honest. :P

I'm so happy you liked that section. I loved tying in the faerie mythology and what people might have thought in those times. The changeling thing just fit perfectly with my idea of Richard. I'm glad you're excited for them to meet!

Yay, I'm really glad you liked the chapter, and find Rose to be normal! She gets a lot better, and at the moment she's in a bit of a rut and doesn't let anybody forget about it. :P

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, I really love hearing your thoughts! :D


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Review #25, by GingeredTea The Burrow (Part II)

19th February 2014:
It is really striking how impulsive this girl is. I think I'd find it hard to write such a spunky character, so I applaud you for not just trying but pulling it off fantastically. Rose is so...bold/bright/cooky/happy(but not really) that it makes her just jump off the page!


...We already know this is mostly going to be full of gushing, right?...

Actually, you manage to capture that whole "Weasley" feeling so perfectly that I could just see it happening in my head. I loved the song (what a tradition Ron must have started - LOL) and Rose's reaction to them. And then how it just spirals out of control for her - that seems so much her dad that it made me laugh a bit. She has Hermione's brains, but she got all her dad's impulsiveness! Yet, she does actually appear capable of thinking and planning and I get the sense that she is just so BORED and wants to make things happen - wants/needs or doesn't know how to not be chaotic.

No one is actually about to discover her purse, but there is that impulsivity again! It was brilliantly orchestrated. If it's difficult to find a logical (I use the term for your writing, not actually for her actions which would be very logical to a level headed sort of girl) reason for drinking the potion, then it is a hundred times harder to present a situation that will seem realistic the next time - now she KNEW. Yet, here I am, amazed that you have pulled it off again - made it just HAPPEN - made me believe it, made me feel it along with her. Brilliant.

Then we switch to Richard and what a change - in place and time but also in character. Richard is thoughtful and careful and doesn't seem naturally predisposed to any kind of impulsivity. It is Rose who seems (or will) bring this impulsivity to him. That he will be the man who kisses her beneath the tree, seems so at odds with the man you present to us here.

The ending was nail-biting worthy! Oh man, I already known what will happen next but I was still feeling like I had to keep going! :D :D

LOVING this story! I check back often to see if it is updated (and yes, I just made a very undignified childish squeal when I noticed there was a new chapter). :D

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah! She is so impulsive. I didn't really plan her that way, but she sort of turned out as being this person who tends to defy rationality. Rose is funny though, how she's very bold and sassy in front of people she's comfortable with but can get shy and awkward in front of people she doesn't know. She's changeable and so much fun to play with and put in difficult situations, hehe. :)

Oh, nothing at all wrong with gushing. ♥

Wow thank you! :) I'm so glad, I just couldn't resist writing next gen with a bit Weasley gathering. The song! That couldn't be resisted either haha. I'm glad you find her like her dad, that was how I imagined her. She gets upset quickly and doesn't always think before acting... she's very unpredictable but that's what makes her interesting.

Haha you're right! She's way too paranoid here, she gets herself into unnecessary danger. I'm so glad you found that logical in terms of the story! I really wanted her decision to seem a little realistic and understandable. Thanks so much! This review is just golden and making me so happy.

Yes! Richard at this point is very loyal and stoic. He's very young and used to both obeying but being wary. I love how you can see the changes in his character and predict how he will evolve.

I'm so glad! :D Hearing the ending was suspenseful and exciting is just such wonderful praise.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and I hope you enjoy the new chapter as well! :D


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