Reading Reviews for As Starling Fades
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp Rumour Number 1

7th March 2014:
Blackout Battle 4/15

This was a very interesting first chapter to start the story.
I liked your characterisation of Starling. She seems nice.
It was also amusing how Rita Skeeter is still spreading tales in the next-gen period.
James' personality is also cool as he seems so unconcerned about the rumours while Starlet is reacting differently.
Your dialogue was engaging to read and narrative was smooth. I didn't notice any grammar errors either. All in all, this made for a good read and set the plot for an interesting direction =)

Good job
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hello again Aditi!

Yay! I'm glad you liked it! And I'm so glad you liked Starling! She's a sweetie! And yes, Rita Skeeter never lets up. James! Oh he's a darling. I'm just so happy you liked it!

Yay! No typos! Thank you so much for this wonderful review! It's made me so happy to read! :)

Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #2, by LilyLou Rumour Number 1

11th January 2014:
Hello, here for our review swap!

This is a neat first chapter, and I'm interested to see where it would go. I like how the girls are talking. Perfect gossipers, if you ask me!

I also like how you make Starling so concerned and upset over the rumours, yet James has that 'Ehh, whatever' kind of attitude. It suits him perfectly. That's just how I'd expect James Sirius Potter to act.

This was really cool. I do hope you update this soon!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you liked it! And yes, I took the idea of them from the girls who gossip in the bathrooms at school.

And yay! I'm glad I caught the essence of James Sirius Potter!

Honestly, I hope I update soon... :P

Thank you so much Janelle, this review made me very happy!
Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #3, by Secret Santa :) Rumour Number 1

30th December 2013:
Hi!

Another interesting story! It took me awhile to figure out which James Potter it was. :)

Poor Starling! Having to deal with Rita Skeeter! Though I would be curious to know why the rumors have lately started to get to her more.

That was also very discrete of the clerk to ask her privately about the card. :) I could well imagine what the reaction would have been had she been revealed.

Good job!
Secret Santa!

Author's Response: Hello!

Oops! Should've added 'Sirius' between James and Potter, right? And oh, Starling! Rita Skeeter is a menace! And yes, the clerk is a very nice man.

Thank you so much!
Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #4, by APerkins Rumour Number 1

13th December 2013:
Argh! So I have no idea whether this was the story you were planning on entering with but I really hope it is!
This is fantastic!

Well done on getting such a great start to the story.
If it were for the challenge I would complement you on the "overhearing" technique of getting information - that type of thing is exactly what I was looking for.
I like the slow development of Starlings character. And James's easy attitude.
I am intrigued by her pulling out of society.. What is going on"?

Sigh...With a title like "as starling fades" I dont think I am going to like where it heads, because I really like happy endings and disney endings, and I suspect you are heading towards bittersweet, or enjoying her last moments on earth.. or.. destructive disease that will destroy her vocal chords forever..
or something jsut as depressing and miserable, when all I really want is for all my characters to live happily ever after!
Lol, cant have everything I want I guess...(ignore my whinging, I am only joking about moaning) so I hope you write the rest of it so I get to find out!


I think everything about this was great though, please continue!

And yeah, did I mention really really like this one!

Great work

anthea

Author's Response: Hi!

Aha, actually this was not the one I was thinking of entering, it was actually Primadonna.

But I'm glad you like this one! And while this wasn't for the challenge, I'm glad that you liked her little eavesdropping! That was fun to write!

And I love Starling and James. In my mind they are so cute!

And the reason for Starling's unsociability as of late shall be brought up in later chapters.

And no, I don't think you will like here it heads. And no, I promise no destructed vocal chords! But I am sorry for no happy ending, but I seem to like writing those...

And don't worry, I can't read these sorts of stories either, I just love writing them! And don't worry, I think I only have to write two or three more chapters, so you'll know soon enough!

And thank you so much, this meant a lot and I will be sure to continue!

And no, I don't think you mentioned that you liked this. Perhaps you could again?

TOTALLY JOKING! You did and this entire thing made me very happy! Thank you so so so much!

Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #5, by MrsKatieGrint Rumour Number 1

1st December 2013:
Hey there!

First off, I apologize for the delay! I've been studying for finals and a crazy week.

Anywho, I think this is a lovely start. Starling is such a realistic character, and I love the way she just is. Obviously, I'm not a celebrity, but I think you did a great job capturing that personality and the challenges they face.

Also, I love how this Next Gen is set past Hogwarts. I love that they're all grown up and I little more mature. Its just a good time period you have the characters set in.

I think your characterization, and the plot theme you have going on is great. The dialogue is really well, and It just flows so nicely. I think you have just the right amount of mystery going on to keep the readers hooked.

I personally don't see why you couldn't continue, I think this was a strong start. I think your insecurities should be minuscule, because this really was a great chapter!

Feel better about this, because like you said, you have a good idea, and I'm sure others would love to read this too!(:

Author's Response: Hi!
And it's no trouble!
Real life gets in the way sometimes - I would know!

I'm so glad you like the start of this! And that Starling is realistic! And yay! I'm glad I could really capture her!

And yes, I'm currently writing two (I think?) Next Gen stories during Hogwarts, so I tried to do something different than what I'm used to, so I'm glad it worked!

And I'm super glad that everything that I have so far flows nicely and that I have that air of mystery!

And thank you so much! This really means a lot and perhaps I can get started on the next chapter soon.

Thank you so much, as I said before this means so much!
Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #6, by patronus_charm Rumour Number 1

27th November 2013:
Hey there! Sorry it took a while to get to this, school hates me :P

I didnít feel that Starling was too sad, so donít worry about that. Naturally, she was upset about the comments those girls said about her but then that reaction is natural and it would have been rather odd if she hadnít of reacted like that. One thing to perhaps bear in mind about her characterisation is to not make her too perfect and too Mary-Suey. At the moment she is straying close to that territory with her being a singer and married to James whoís a Quidditch player, but you can still steer her away with introducing some more normal traits into her which bring her back down to earth.

I was actually quite a fan of the dialogue here, so nothing to worry about with that. The lack of dialogue tags and expressions with the dialogue itself was really great as it represented the whole feel of Starling listening into them really well. I can just imagine her hiding behind the shelves while trying not to appear suspicious, so the way you did it here was great for that purpose.

As for the plot it was good on the whole as you set a good basis for Starling and James and what they do. Also the introduction of tension with the whole Skeeter writing articles about them was really interesting too and it will be nice to see how it progresses. The only thing which was a little off to me was Jamesís last line about things getting worse and worse. Perhaps at the beginning add in a line or two about why they had begun to get worse so we have a better idea of how these events are adding to previous ones.

As for technical things, I didnít spot any major grammars and I think one very minor typo somewhere which I wouldnít worry about too much. On the whole, I thought it was a good start and not at all confusing, so donít worry about that!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi!

Mary-Sueness! I will try and counteract that in later characters with some normal traits in later chapters where her big flaws are noticeable, so hopefully I can pull that off.

Dialogue was well executed? Yes! Good, I was a little worried without a lot of dialogue tags, so I'm very glad you think it was good!

Yay! Plot! The two lines at the beginning idea was stellar, so I will keep that in mind as I edit it! Thank you for pointing that out! :)

Okay, I will look over it again for typos, and thank you so much! This was really helpful and I appreciate it tremendously!

Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #7, by bellatrixlestrange123 Rumour Number 1

24th November 2013:
Hi there!

I'm here for the review swap! Ok, so I wasn't sure what you wanted reviewing and you have such a wonderful collections of stories but I clicked on here since it seemed brand new and I guessed you'd want me to give it some love.

To start with, I reaaally enjoyed your idea of making the main character a celebrity, I've hardly er read fics like that and it worked so well! I really like your style of writing too; it's very concise and to the point yet detailed also. So well done!

I think you did a very good job in turning modern day celebritism and how the lives of other people is such a big aspect of other people's lives and molded it perfectly into the world of harry potter!

I can't wait to read your other stories! Keep it up!

Bella x

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you liked this! And yay for celebrity status! And thank you, I'm blushing (I am, I swear!)!

And it worked with the magical world? YAY! Thank you for saying that, I'm so happy!

Thank you so much for this and I'm excited to read some of your other stories as well!
Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #8, by marauderfan Rumour Number 1

24th November 2013:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review from the forums.

So first off. I really like the idea of this story so far. Most Next Gen's that I've seen take place at Hogwarts, so it's refreshing to read one that is post-Hogwarts when they're a little older and have jobs and real lives.

To answer your questions - I didn't see anything confusing or wrong about this chapter, I quite like the way it started out. Starling doesn't seem too sad to me - she just seems like a young woman who's struggling with the burden of fame. The only thing I was wondering was why the three weeks had been different for her and why she was trying to be ordinary, why the fame thing had been so much harder recently. Maybe a little clarification as to why she had been doing things differently for three weeks, would be a helpful addition. (Unless that's going to be revealed in subsequent chapters of course)

The dialogue is great. You've captured the gossipy teenage girls really well, and Starling and James' conversation at the end is pretty normal - they're just talking about their day and having a laugh about the irritating things that come with being famous. They seem to have a pretty solid relationship (too bad for Carla and Rebekah, huh :p )

Starling is interesting. She doesn't seem to like the bad aspects of fame (like having Rita Skeeter write false stories about you), but she seems to take full advantage of the nicer aspects, like not needing ID when she goes into the store.

This is a good start! I'd say you have a lot to work with here, so keep on writing! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm really glad you like the premise of this, and I think it's cool that I was able to pull off post-Hogwarts next Gen!

As for the three weeks, it will be revealed later, but I will definitely try and clear stuff up involving those three weeks in some sort of no-information-given-yet-some-information-given (if that makes sense)!

Yay for dialogue! I'm glad that came across well!

And thank you! I will definitely keep writing!
Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #9, by rozen_maiden Rumour Number 1

23rd November 2013:
First, I love your OC, Starling. The fact that she is famous, yet so normal, makes her a really easy character to relate to (I actually laughed a little when she took James's bank card - I do that to my own boyfriend all the time haha). You have introduced her so well - that opening paragraph was just perfect. I'm curious as to why she is hiding away from the media. Obviously the constant attention would get tiring, but I have a feeling that there is more too it.
And Rita Skeeter! Ugh, it's nice to see that some things don't change, I guess! It would be just horrible to hear women talking about you and your husband with you there; I love that Starling showed strength though, and didn't just turn around and give them one haha.

As for the writing itself, it was easy to read and keep up with. Your writing flows really well, and every paragraph was perfectly sized - I never felt it getting too clunky or cluttered. You're obviously a very talented writer: you made this a lot of fun to read. I could only find one thing to pick out:

"And today, she had decided to do some so ordinary she had not done it in years."
Should some be something?

Anyway, I'm so glad I came to check this out! I never really read stories like this, but this was honestly a lovely read :) Awesome job!

- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hello!

Yay! I'm glad you like Starling! I had (and kind of still have) reservations about this fic, so that was really glad to hear!

And yes, I guess Starling is kind of tired with people talking about her, so she just tries to ignore it so as not to make a scene.

I'm so glad that you think my writing flows well (it really means a lot to me!). And yay for talent (?)!

And ooh! Darn those typos! But I'm glad you liked it, this was extremely helpful and I can't thank you enough!
Lo:)


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login