Reading Reviews for Love and Loyalty
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheGirlOnFire Chapter 8: Green

14th March 2014:
Hello, this is for the blackout bingo:)

Firstly, I would like to say that you've captured what a new person would feel moving into Hogwarts for the first time. Also, I feel like you say Nicole a lot. I feel like saying her name once a paragraph is enough to let us know who is talking, the constant repetition of her name is too much, don't be afraid to use 'she'. There is this scene of which Nicole is talking to Avery and he says "You're starting in September?" This is confusing as she's already in Hogwarts. It's properly a typo, you should fix it. The last think is that the end was slightly confusing to me, her uncle and Snape came out of no where and they where talking about voldermort. Other than that this was good start.


Author's Response: Thanks for the review. There's actually some chapters before this one posted which explains some of the confusion. The first seven chapters are posted under the same title and author. I would love to keep hearing your thoughts.

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