7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna Let the Games Begin

22nd February 2014:
Hello! :) Sorry for taking so long with this review, gah!

I really loved this. I have a soft spot for Arthur stories and you wrote him so perfectly here! I love his curious way of viewing the world and how cheerful and friendly he is. His compassion when speaking with Teddy and even his willingness to do things that others might not - like try addressing the bear - is just so perfect. I'm really in awe of how you've brought Arthur to life here.

The background to the story is great as well, and I like Harry's cameo and how Arthur asks him to call him by his first name. The idea that the Ministry would be a little chaotic after the war makes sense and was rationalized really well.

Something I really liked about this story were the little details and descriptions which went into the setting. I felt like I could really see the house and especially the treehouse. It was great how Arthur commented on little things like the toaster - of course he would, hehe - and that he was pleased at how quaint the house was. Arthur just seems like one of those people who appreciates the little things and I really enjoyed it. The amount of detail did remind me a little of reading or watching a mystery and how important the setting is as the detective takes note of it, so that fit quite well with the Sherlock theme.

Hmm, I'm a little suspicious about Teddy. He seems sweet, but he did cause harm to Buddy - whether accidentally or not! - and Arthur does say in the books not to trust something if you can't see where it keep its brain or where its mind is coming from. So I'll have to stay suspicious and see.

This was a wonderful read and I thoroughly enjoyed it - I'll be keeping an eye out for the next chapter! :) Thanks for swapping with me! :D

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm in love with the whole Weasley clan, and it doesn't seem like anyone does Arthur! So while I was reading the new Sherlock Holmes book, I thought about if Arthur ever read Sherlock Holmes and viola! I'm glad you liked the detail. Dialogue is normally the bread and butter of my stories, but since this is a mystery, I did try and make it a bit more setting based. The toaster bit! I love the toaster bit. There will surely be more of those to come. +] I'm glad you're suspicious of Teddy. That's what I was hoping for. +] I'm glad you liked it! And no probs on the taking awhile. Not a problem. Lol.

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Review #2, by LittleLionGirl Let the Games Begin

25th January 2014:
A talking bear?!?! Mind blown! I wonder how he became enchanted... I have a feeling Arthur will be late for dinner. I quite enjoyed the sewing shop with Gideon and Brenda.

You did a really amazing job. The way you described everything was lovely and very detailed. The dialogue was lovely and sounds very natural. All and all this is a great first chapter and I cant wait to see the following one!

XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad that you liked it. +] I love Arthur, he's really fun to write, and yes... he will be late for dinner. Lol. I'm pounding out the next chapter now! Or at least, I'm procrastinating pounding it out... lol

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Review #3, by toomanycurls Let the Games Begin

5th December 2013:
hello!! Sorry it's taken me ages to get to your requested review.

Your flow throughout this is pretty good. The main suggestion I have is to make the memo stand out from the narrative through either a font change or a line between it the preceeding/following stuff.

This does capture my interest even if the main action of the story hasn't happened yet. I'm a bit curious why Mr. Weasley is working late rather than going home especially as there aren't pressing work matters to resolve. It makes me think there's something at home he's avoiding. Showing Harry and Arthur's relationship also makes it interesting to read! I love Harry's struggle to be casual with Arthur despite his close relationship with the entire family. I can imagine it's a hard line for him to negotiate.

I was almost confused at having the shopowner be named Gideon - only because my brain wanted to think that Molly's brother Gideon was secretly alive. :D That's probably just a me thing though.

An enchanted teddy bear would kind of creep me out. Similar to having the shopkeeper have a name of another HP character, having the bear named Teddy made me think that Teddy Lupin was somehow a child's teddy bear.

I quite like the tenderness and magical prowess Arthur shows when looking for the bear. He seems quite able to handle himself (which is nice as he's a bit of a fuddy duddy in the books).

You've managed to make quite an interesting chapter here! I think it definitely does a good job at engaging the reader and having enough interesting plot points to make it a good read.

-Rose

Author's Response: I'm glad the flow is good. I'm not very good at the formatting on the site yet, still learning, but I'll play around with off-setting it. Thanks for the tip!

You're very perceptive! There is something at home Arthur is avoiding. +] I thought the addition of Harry and Ron interacting with him would be a nice little nostalgic bit, and I attempted to make it seem genuine. It's the first time I ever wrote anything to do with Harry, and I was very nervous. Lol. I'm glad I pulled it off though.

I completely forgot about Molly's brother being named Gideon! Totally an accident! I know the Teddy vs Teddy Bear would be a little confusing, but I couldn't think of a better name for him. I actually have a bit planned out for it. +]

I figured if Arthur was able to create a magic flying car with invisibility and whatnot, not to mention getting a job at the ministry, he couldn't be a complete dolt. Not to mention, his only partner is ancient, so he would end up with a lot of the field work, and would be able to take care of himself.

Thank you for all of your advice!

rhj


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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 Let the Games Begin

4th December 2013:
Hello! I'm here from the Blue vs. Bronze review battle. Go Team Bronze! :D

Okay, so this first chapter is absolutely PERFECT. I have zero constructive comments, because you've got all of your ducks in a row! Characterization, there. Grammar, there. Spelling, spot on! I hope that you update this soon, because it's really interesting!

I love Arthur's characterization, and the fact that he's fascinated with Sherlock Holmes. His relationship with Harry is very well-written, and in only a small interaction! How do you do that?! I also enjoyed the brief glimpse of Ron that I got. It's good to know that he still doesn't like corned beef, and the moment when he said that Molly would always have a plate waiting for Arthur was really cute. :)

On a darker note: Teddy creeps me out. When I read the summary, I thought, "Oh yeah, Teddy Lupin, cool." NOPE!! You squashed that hope when you introduced the CREEPY teddy bear, and now I'm going to have nightmares! *takes on a sarcastic tone* Thanks a lot for that. *sarcastic tone is dropped* But really, AWESOME description/characterization, even though this THING is supposed to be inanimate. Then again, if he were to behave as a normal teddy bear does, then we wouldn't have a plot. So, kudos to you, for creeping me out!

Great beginning! I can't wait to see more!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you. This is the best review I have ever gotten. I'm glad that you enjoy it, and I did work very hard on getting everything just right. +] I'm glad the whole suspense with Teddy worked out, and that you are creep-ified by him. It's what I was going for! I do have the whole thing planned out, so keep stopping by to check it out! I have a few challenge pieces get through, but then I'll be focusing on this and Ginny's Sixth Year. Thank you so much! (and I hope you're with team bronze. lol)

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Review #5, by Penelope Inkwell Let the Games Begin

23rd November 2013:
Can I just talk for a second about all the things I really liked about this?

First off, the tone just sits right with me. It sounds like a detective story--the sort Iíd have read when I was younger. I like imagining Arthur Weasley as a sort of amateur detective. Iíve never thought about it before, but thatís basically just what his job entailed. So thereís going to be some Sherlock Holmes crossover? However did you come up with the idea? I like it a lot!

Secondly, your description is just wonderful. You really set the scene, in detail, of every bit of the story. I can see it all. You really do a lovely job with that.

I also like that youíve set this just directly after the war. I havenít seen much from that time period, and the idea of writing something set during the reconstruction of wizarding Britain always struck me as a bit daunting, so I love that youíve tackled that. Getting to see Harry and Ron was an unexpected delight, as well.

I really think youíve done a good job capturing Arthur, as well. His thoughts and words in this story sound true to the books.

Oh, and the toaster bit? That was perfect. It was just an entirely perfect paragraph, in of itself. So Arthur. So well done.

In the way of constructive criticism, Iíll add some. I donít know how you are, but as much as I love gushy reviews, I usually appreciate the nice things reviewers say if I know they were reading critically as well, so I like reviews that add a little CC:

That said, with your story, Iíve not got too much to speak of, really, outside of the nitpicky, which is great!

There was this quote: "He would never tell Molly, but Brenda could give her a run for her money in the kitchen, not that either of them had it to gamble with.Ē That last bit, about having it to gamble with, I donít know that phrase, and it confused me a bit. Probably thatís just my own ignorance, though, or itís just a phrase not often used in my region. Iím not really suggesting that you change it. Iím just curious to learn what it means.

ďSpecialus revelioĒ ought to be spelled ďSpecialisĒ, but thatís not exactly pressing. I have a weird mind when it comes to spelling, but I honestly doubt anyone else would notice.

The only other thing I can think to suggest is that you maybe vary your sentence structure a bit. The chapter is *very* well-written and beautifully detailed, but the structure seemed mostly straight-forward. Just switching things ever so often from, something like ĎArthur held his breath as he pulled himself up the higher rungs of the ladderí to ĎHolding his breath, Arthur pulled himself up the higher rungs of the ladderí, might mix things up a bit. But that really is being rather picky. Your writing is very, very good as is.


I am really intrigued about where this story is going?. What is the deal with this bear? What happened to Buddy? Thereís that hint of the creepy here that underlies all good mysteries. Iíll have to mark this so that I remember to check for the next update. Iím very interested to find out what happens next. Thanks for the chapter--I enjoyed it and look forward to the next one :D

--Penny

Author's Response: Sorry it took me so long to respond! I'm in the middle of moving very very far away, but I'll try to pop on and leave you a review as well! I scoped one out that I wanted to read earlier, just haven't gotten around to it!

I'm glad that you liked it! This is my first go at a mystery, so I'm glad that the underlying creepiness is palpable. It's not really a Sherlock Holmes crossover, but **if you don't mind spoilers** he's going to become obsessed with the Sherlock Holmes novels, and upon meeting and recruiting Dr. Watson, decides to impersonate the infamous muggle detective. I got the idea to do a mystery from a challenge I ended up not doing because my idea wasn't really fit for it. Lol. +]

I'm in America, a run for your money refers back to betting on horse races, it's like playing poker. I'm still getting used to what phrases are recognized globally and what isn't. My fault!! +]

YES! I love nitpicking. Thanks for the tip on the spell. Sentence structure diversity! I hadn't even thought about it. I've been focusing on trying to use a more active voice, and hadn't given a thought to syntax. I'll keep that in mind as I write the next chapter. Thanks!!

I do hope you keep reading.


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Review #6, by Lady Asphodel Let the Games Begin

21st November 2013:
Hahaha, wow! This was amazing! :D

Your story-telling is so magnificent! The plot of the story has definitely captured the essence of my attention as it did when you mentioned that you were going to write this in your status! ^_^


And of course, I love Mr. Weasley as well. :D You have nailed his personality to the wood and the interaction with the teddy bear was marvelous!

I look forward to what you have planned for Arthur. ♥


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad it lived up to your expectations! I'll update next time I have a chapter up. I've got a few challenges going on, and my Ginny thing to update, but after that I'm focusing on this. +]

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Review #7, by maraudertimes Let the Games Begin

20th November 2013:
Hey hey hey!
Here with your requested review!

This is super cool! It's really nice how you managed to make this seem like an extension of HP immediately after the war. It's also super cool to see a fic from Arthur Weasley's point of view! I almost died at the toaster bit!

As for your concerns about it dragging in the beginning, don't be. Worried, that is. It doesn't drag in the least and it's really intriguing. You did indeed keep my attention and the little quips here and there, such as the corned beef sandwich, and the fact that Molly always saves Arthur a plate, made my heart go all fuzzy.

But not like the warlock from Beedle the Bard's tale. Definitely not like that.

But yes, this was a very good beginning and I'm intrigued about the rest. You've set up great flow, characters, and a plot that seems, for the time being, completely fresh, original, and amazing!

Kudos to you for such an amazing job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! The toaster bit took some tweaking, but I like the way it ended up. I have an odd sense of humor, so I hoped that people liked it. That and the "deathly still" pictures on the wall. +] I tried to set the mood with things that were familiar so that the readers would feel more comfortable with the uncommon point of view.

Yay! I'd like to keep requesting reviews from you, but I'll be posting up the next chapter of Ginny's Sixth Year before working more on this one.

rhj +]


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