12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kenpo Let the Games Begin

3rd June 2014:
Hey!! BvB battle!! You ninjaed me, but I'm actually glad because I like reading your stories, so now I am!!!

Awww! I love that Arthur reads! That's cute. The line about Molly taking it away from his was good for both of their characterisations.

Oh my god is this an evil teddy bear? Is this going to be really creepy? oh my god. Do I need to be scared right now? I need a Calming Draught.

Okay. So it's not immediately evil. But it thinks for itself and I can't see where it keep its brain, so I don't trust it.

Is it possessed? What is it? He pushed the kid out of a treehouse?!? Or did I misread? Why didn't Arthur kill it with fire? WITH FIRE.

Did the bear send the notice?!? Is this an evil mastermind bear?!!?

Wait. I didn't bother to look what genre this is. Humor! Okay, so this thing probably isn't too evil. This has lots of potential. The bear could be super evil or he and Arthur could go off and become crimefighting partners.

Okay. I've rambled enough about speculation/freakout about the bear.

Your writing is beautiful here. Absolutely.

WAIT. IS TEDDY TEDDY? WHAT YEAR IS THIS? IS TEDDY TEDDY LUPIN?

Probably not. Sorry.

But yeah, your writing was gorgeous. Your descriptions gave me vivid pictures of the scenes without bogging down the prose and making it the type of writing that I had to dredge through.

You have a really great balance between dialogue, action, and description. You just... you write really well. The flow and pacing is fantastic.

I also liked how you showed his relationships with Ron and Harry. That was really nice.

Great chapter!! Remind me to come back for the next one!!!

Thanks for ninja-ing me (I'm not being sarcastic, I'm being serious because I'm glad that I read this)

-Georgia

Author's Response: Bahahaha! I LOVE hearing your reaction to the "Teddy" bear. It was very nice to see that kind of emotional response. +]

Yay! Balancing description and dialogue is something I'm trying to get better at, so it's good to hear that I'm doing better! Thank you so much!

Awh, you're so sweet. *hearts*

Until next time!


 Report Review

Review #2, by Lady Asphodel Ring a Ring of Roses

21st May 2014:
It's so adorable how Teddy is acting like a child. And Arthur being a loving father to an animate toy is just so enjoyable to read. I found the part where the two were arguing for a name to call Teddy. :P

Of course, your writing of Molly is spot on and I am finding myself chuckling at her suspicion with Arthur.

The dinner with the family was great to read as well! I love your idea of the "Potter" move - catching the snitch with their mouth -- that's brilliant! I really love the idea a lot! :D


Glad to see George tagging in too -- and I'm happy that the memorial service has made George feel a bit better. :) (I don't like him being depressed...) It's funny to see Arthur telling George not to tell Molly about the talking bear - it's like the roles of father-son reverse *lol*


Lol - and the muggle woman behind the register desk is something isn't she. :P


Reading this gives me Toy Story feels. ♥


I look forward to the meeting with Buddy and just the next chapter period!


Hope you update soon! ^_^


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Haha. Yay for being in canon! That's always something I strive for.

You comparing this to Toy Story absolutely makes my day. +]

I'm glad you liked it and plan to come back! hopefully the next chapter will be a bit bigger. I never know these days. I was worried people would forget about it, so thank you for reviewing!!

Until next time



 Report Review

Review #3, by Veritaserum27 Let the Games Begin

15th May 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the review swap. I've been meaning to read one of your stories and I was so excited to see that you posted a review swap - so here I am.

I really liked this beginning. I love Sherlock Holmes stories - I read most of them a while back, but I always liked the way Sir Arthur Conan Doyle put a twist to the ending, so I am very excited to see how this plays out.

This was so original. I do not know how you could have come up with an animated bear! He seems a bit suspicious to me - so I am going to hold judgement on whether he is good or evil just yet. Maybe he pushed Buddy out of the treehouse...

I am also suspicious of why Arthur likes to stay at work. It almost seemed like he was making excuses not to go home and be with Molly. He even chose to take on this extra assignment rather readily snatching it up from Harry. And why did Harry get the incident report? Was that planted for him to find? Perhaps there is more going on there (or maybe I am reading too much into it).

I also liked how you nicely set up the other characters from the story. We know that Harry, Ron, Ginny and Molly will be a part of this somehow and you did it by telling us a little about each one, without being choppy or confusing. Nice job with that.

Overall, I thought this was a great first chapter, I'm interested to know what happens next!

Thanks for the review swap!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

Author's Response: I figured that Arthur would be a Sherlock fan with us. Lol!

Teddy is probably the most original thing I've ever come up with. Haha. He's certainly interesting. +]

I'm glad it all flowed well. Thank you so much for swap!

Until nexg time!


 Report Review

Review #4, by Rumpelstiltskin Let the Games Begin

15th May 2014:
Plot/plot arch: One of the things that I love most about this is the playful and fun essence that the story promises. Arthur is a fantastic character, and I think that moving him into this plot -- which promises him adventure and (most likely) misadventure -- is very exciting. I think you did a lovely job with this introduction. Immediately, you've established Arthur's interest in mysteries (while maintaining his canon characteristics, including his love of all-things-Muggle) with his longing to read "Holmes". Then, we're taken gently through his unsettled feeling of wanting to help, wanting to DO something until he stumbles across the case of the enchanted Teddy (who may or may not have caused harm to a muggle child). I think that this small adventure will be perfect for Arthur, and this story is promising a ton of fun.

Characterization: I think that you've pretty much nailed Arthur's canon, which I think is fantastic. It seems like Arthur needs a bit of adventure to spice up his daily routine, though, which is where the plot comes into play.

Detail: This story doesn't call for an enormous amount of imagery, and thus you've weaved in some detail and descriptions that are relevant without mucking up pace and flow. Sublety works for you here, and I think you're doing a fantastic job with it.

Style: You have a well-established introduction that tells all aspects of setting (Post-war, Misistry, etc.) without going into extravagant detail that would take focus away from your plot. The typical linear progression is fantastic for this, so, great job!

Notes/other: This was a really interesting read, and it definitely left me wanting more. I need to know what sort of happenings that Arthur and Teddy are going to be getting into! I hope to come back soon to find out!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Your reviews are always so detailed! I love it!

I'm glad that you like the style and characterization of the story. It's something I worry about a lot, as I think everyone does when stepping out of their comfort zone. +]

I hope you come back soon! The next chapter is a little more exposition, but the third should move the plot along nicely. +]


 Report Review

Review #5, by momotwins Ring a Ring of Roses

15th May 2014:
I'm really enjoying this story so far. I loved George finding out about the bear, that was a great scene. Really well-written! I like your characterizations of the Weasleys too, I think they're very good.

Small note: shine becomes shining, not shinning. That goes with shin. I just taught my kids this rule: the double consonant that a one-syllable short-vowel-sound word takes when forming an -ed or -ing ending is there to keep the short vowel sound. In this case, we want to keep the long vowel sound so we drop the silent e and add -ing. ;)

Aside from that - and it jumped out at me because I just taught it to my kids last week - I didn't notice any grammatical errors, so excellent job! The pace is great on this story. I can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you came back to read. It took me awhile to update.

Thanks for the tip, I'll try and remember.

Wonderful! This chapter didn't do too much for plot, but the next chapter should make up for it.


 Report Review

Review #6, by Lululuna Let the Games Begin

22nd February 2014:
Hello! :) Sorry for taking so long with this review, gah!

I really loved this. I have a soft spot for Arthur stories and you wrote him so perfectly here! I love his curious way of viewing the world and how cheerful and friendly he is. His compassion when speaking with Teddy and even his willingness to do things that others might not - like try addressing the bear - is just so perfect. I'm really in awe of how you've brought Arthur to life here.

The background to the story is great as well, and I like Harry's cameo and how Arthur asks him to call him by his first name. The idea that the Ministry would be a little chaotic after the war makes sense and was rationalized really well.

Something I really liked about this story were the little details and descriptions which went into the setting. I felt like I could really see the house and especially the treehouse. It was great how Arthur commented on little things like the toaster - of course he would, hehe - and that he was pleased at how quaint the house was. Arthur just seems like one of those people who appreciates the little things and I really enjoyed it. The amount of detail did remind me a little of reading or watching a mystery and how important the setting is as the detective takes note of it, so that fit quite well with the Sherlock theme.

Hmm, I'm a little suspicious about Teddy. He seems sweet, but he did cause harm to Buddy - whether accidentally or not! - and Arthur does say in the books not to trust something if you can't see where it keep its brain or where its mind is coming from. So I'll have to stay suspicious and see.

This was a wonderful read and I thoroughly enjoyed it - I'll be keeping an eye out for the next chapter! :) Thanks for swapping with me! :D

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm in love with the whole Weasley clan, and it doesn't seem like anyone does Arthur! So while I was reading the new Sherlock Holmes book, I thought about if Arthur ever read Sherlock Holmes and viola! I'm glad you liked the detail. Dialogue is normally the bread and butter of my stories, but since this is a mystery, I did try and make it a bit more setting based. The toaster bit! I love the toaster bit. There will surely be more of those to come. +] I'm glad you're suspicious of Teddy. That's what I was hoping for. +] I'm glad you liked it! And no probs on the taking awhile. Not a problem. Lol.

 Report Review

Review #7, by LittleLionGirl Let the Games Begin

25th January 2014:
A talking bear?!?! Mind blown! I wonder how he became enchanted... I have a feeling Arthur will be late for dinner. I quite enjoyed the sewing shop with Gideon and Brenda.

You did a really amazing job. The way you described everything was lovely and very detailed. The dialogue was lovely and sounds very natural. All and all this is a great first chapter and I cant wait to see the following one!

XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad that you liked it. +] I love Arthur, he's really fun to write, and yes... he will be late for dinner. Lol. I'm pounding out the next chapter now! Or at least, I'm procrastinating pounding it out... lol

 Report Review

Review #8, by toomanycurls Let the Games Begin

5th December 2013:
hello!! Sorry it's taken me ages to get to your requested review.

Your flow throughout this is pretty good. The main suggestion I have is to make the memo stand out from the narrative through either a font change or a line between it the preceeding/following stuff.

This does capture my interest even if the main action of the story hasn't happened yet. I'm a bit curious why Mr. Weasley is working late rather than going home especially as there aren't pressing work matters to resolve. It makes me think there's something at home he's avoiding. Showing Harry and Arthur's relationship also makes it interesting to read! I love Harry's struggle to be casual with Arthur despite his close relationship with the entire family. I can imagine it's a hard line for him to negotiate.

I was almost confused at having the shopowner be named Gideon - only because my brain wanted to think that Molly's brother Gideon was secretly alive. :D That's probably just a me thing though.

An enchanted teddy bear would kind of creep me out. Similar to having the shopkeeper have a name of another HP character, having the bear named Teddy made me think that Teddy Lupin was somehow a child's teddy bear.

I quite like the tenderness and magical prowess Arthur shows when looking for the bear. He seems quite able to handle himself (which is nice as he's a bit of a fuddy duddy in the books).

You've managed to make quite an interesting chapter here! I think it definitely does a good job at engaging the reader and having enough interesting plot points to make it a good read.

-Rose

Author's Response: I'm glad the flow is good. I'm not very good at the formatting on the site yet, still learning, but I'll play around with off-setting it. Thanks for the tip!

You're very perceptive! There is something at home Arthur is avoiding. +] I thought the addition of Harry and Ron interacting with him would be a nice little nostalgic bit, and I attempted to make it seem genuine. It's the first time I ever wrote anything to do with Harry, and I was very nervous. Lol. I'm glad I pulled it off though.

I completely forgot about Molly's brother being named Gideon! Totally an accident! I know the Teddy vs Teddy Bear would be a little confusing, but I couldn't think of a better name for him. I actually have a bit planned out for it. +]

I figured if Arthur was able to create a magic flying car with invisibility and whatnot, not to mention getting a job at the ministry, he couldn't be a complete dolt. Not to mention, his only partner is ancient, so he would end up with a lot of the field work, and would be able to take care of himself.

Thank you for all of your advice!

rhj


 Report Review

Review #9, by UnluckyStar57 Let the Games Begin

4th December 2013:
Hello! I'm here from the Blue vs. Bronze review battle. Go Team Bronze! :D

Okay, so this first chapter is absolutely PERFECT. I have zero constructive comments, because you've got all of your ducks in a row! Characterization, there. Grammar, there. Spelling, spot on! I hope that you update this soon, because it's really interesting!

I love Arthur's characterization, and the fact that he's fascinated with Sherlock Holmes. His relationship with Harry is very well-written, and in only a small interaction! How do you do that?! I also enjoyed the brief glimpse of Ron that I got. It's good to know that he still doesn't like corned beef, and the moment when he said that Molly would always have a plate waiting for Arthur was really cute. :)

On a darker note: Teddy creeps me out. When I read the summary, I thought, "Oh yeah, Teddy Lupin, cool." NOPE!! You squashed that hope when you introduced the CREEPY teddy bear, and now I'm going to have nightmares! *takes on a sarcastic tone* Thanks a lot for that. *sarcastic tone is dropped* But really, AWESOME description/characterization, even though this THING is supposed to be inanimate. Then again, if he were to behave as a normal teddy bear does, then we wouldn't have a plot. So, kudos to you, for creeping me out!

Great beginning! I can't wait to see more!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you. This is the best review I have ever gotten. I'm glad that you enjoy it, and I did work very hard on getting everything just right. +] I'm glad the whole suspense with Teddy worked out, and that you are creep-ified by him. It's what I was going for! I do have the whole thing planned out, so keep stopping by to check it out! I have a few challenge pieces get through, but then I'll be focusing on this and Ginny's Sixth Year. Thank you so much! (and I hope you're with team bronze. lol)

 Report Review

Review #10, by Penelope Inkwell Let the Games Begin

23rd November 2013:
Can I just talk for a second about all the things I really liked about this?

First off, the tone just sits right with me. It sounds like a detective story--the sort Iíd have read when I was younger. I like imagining Arthur Weasley as a sort of amateur detective. Iíve never thought about it before, but thatís basically just what his job entailed. So thereís going to be some Sherlock Holmes crossover? However did you come up with the idea? I like it a lot!

Secondly, your description is just wonderful. You really set the scene, in detail, of every bit of the story. I can see it all. You really do a lovely job with that.

I also like that youíve set this just directly after the war. I havenít seen much from that time period, and the idea of writing something set during the reconstruction of wizarding Britain always struck me as a bit daunting, so I love that youíve tackled that. Getting to see Harry and Ron was an unexpected delight, as well.

I really think youíve done a good job capturing Arthur, as well. His thoughts and words in this story sound true to the books.

Oh, and the toaster bit? That was perfect. It was just an entirely perfect paragraph, in of itself. So Arthur. So well done.

In the way of constructive criticism, Iíll add some. I donít know how you are, but as much as I love gushy reviews, I usually appreciate the nice things reviewers say if I know they were reading critically as well, so I like reviews that add a little CC:

That said, with your story, Iíve not got too much to speak of, really, outside of the nitpicky, which is great!

There was this quote: "He would never tell Molly, but Brenda could give her a run for her money in the kitchen, not that either of them had it to gamble with.Ē That last bit, about having it to gamble with, I donít know that phrase, and it confused me a bit. Probably thatís just my own ignorance, though, or itís just a phrase not often used in my region. Iím not really suggesting that you change it. Iím just curious to learn what it means.

ďSpecialus revelioĒ ought to be spelled ďSpecialisĒ, but thatís not exactly pressing. I have a weird mind when it comes to spelling, but I honestly doubt anyone else would notice.

The only other thing I can think to suggest is that you maybe vary your sentence structure a bit. The chapter is *very* well-written and beautifully detailed, but the structure seemed mostly straight-forward. Just switching things ever so often from, something like ĎArthur held his breath as he pulled himself up the higher rungs of the ladderí to ĎHolding his breath, Arthur pulled himself up the higher rungs of the ladderí, might mix things up a bit. But that really is being rather picky. Your writing is very, very good as is.


I am really intrigued about where this story is going?. What is the deal with this bear? What happened to Buddy? Thereís that hint of the creepy here that underlies all good mysteries. Iíll have to mark this so that I remember to check for the next update. Iím very interested to find out what happens next. Thanks for the chapter--I enjoyed it and look forward to the next one :D

--Penny

Author's Response: Sorry it took me so long to respond! I'm in the middle of moving very very far away, but I'll try to pop on and leave you a review as well! I scoped one out that I wanted to read earlier, just haven't gotten around to it!

I'm glad that you liked it! This is my first go at a mystery, so I'm glad that the underlying creepiness is palpable. It's not really a Sherlock Holmes crossover, but **if you don't mind spoilers** he's going to become obsessed with the Sherlock Holmes novels, and upon meeting and recruiting Dr. Watson, decides to impersonate the infamous muggle detective. I got the idea to do a mystery from a challenge I ended up not doing because my idea wasn't really fit for it. Lol. +]

I'm in America, a run for your money refers back to betting on horse races, it's like playing poker. I'm still getting used to what phrases are recognized globally and what isn't. My fault!! +]

YES! I love nitpicking. Thanks for the tip on the spell. Sentence structure diversity! I hadn't even thought about it. I've been focusing on trying to use a more active voice, and hadn't given a thought to syntax. I'll keep that in mind as I write the next chapter. Thanks!!

I do hope you keep reading.


 Report Review

Review #11, by Lady Asphodel Let the Games Begin

21st November 2013:
Hahaha, wow! This was amazing! :D

Your story-telling is so magnificent! The plot of the story has definitely captured the essence of my attention as it did when you mentioned that you were going to write this in your status! ^_^


And of course, I love Mr. Weasley as well. :D You have nailed his personality to the wood and the interaction with the teddy bear was marvelous!

I look forward to what you have planned for Arthur. ♥


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad it lived up to your expectations! I'll update next time I have a chapter up. I've got a few challenges going on, and my Ginny thing to update, but after that I'm focusing on this. +]

 Report Review

Review #12, by maraudertimes Let the Games Begin

20th November 2013:
Hey hey hey!
Here with your requested review!

This is super cool! It's really nice how you managed to make this seem like an extension of HP immediately after the war. It's also super cool to see a fic from Arthur Weasley's point of view! I almost died at the toaster bit!

As for your concerns about it dragging in the beginning, don't be. Worried, that is. It doesn't drag in the least and it's really intriguing. You did indeed keep my attention and the little quips here and there, such as the corned beef sandwich, and the fact that Molly always saves Arthur a plate, made my heart go all fuzzy.

But not like the warlock from Beedle the Bard's tale. Definitely not like that.

But yes, this was a very good beginning and I'm intrigued about the rest. You've set up great flow, characters, and a plot that seems, for the time being, completely fresh, original, and amazing!

Kudos to you for such an amazing job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! The toaster bit took some tweaking, but I like the way it ended up. I have an odd sense of humor, so I hoped that people liked it. That and the "deathly still" pictures on the wall. +] I tried to set the mood with things that were familiar so that the readers would feel more comfortable with the uncommon point of view.

Yay! I'd like to keep requesting reviews from you, but I'll be posting up the next chapter of Ginny's Sixth Year before working more on this one.

rhj +]


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login