Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for What Was Missing
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jayna Broken Jugs

23rd June 2015:
Hello again! I can't believe you added four whole chapters! Congrats! It's been a while since I read the first two chapters, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself.

Firstly, I have to say that squib stories are so rare that whenever one pops up it's always interesting. I liked how Albus used the perks of being Harry Potter's son. It's incredibly realistic, and adds to your characterization of Albus. I liked how Eve reacted to Albus's questions (that would totally be me). I also liked how in the second to last line Eve's sentence got cut off because it made the dialogue feel more real.

Ok, it's suggestions time. The typos and mistakes weren't so big this time. I noticed them, but it didn't distract too much from the reading. Firstly, you use apostrophes ( ' ) instead of quotations ( " ). To fix that, anywhere you see a apostrophe, change to it a quotation mark. Secondly, you didn't capitalize Harry Potter. Lastly I don't know how to explain this in a review, but I'll give you an example of your mistake.

'Albus, it just not a thing I tell people.'I spoke solemnly. Here I was, lying about myself again.

Should be

"Albus, it just not a thing I tell people," I spoke solemnly. Here I was, lying about myself again.

Notice the comma instead of a period. Anyway, I think you have one or two more mistakes like that. I think spell check or grammar check would clear it up for you, and I could beta read for you if you'd like.

Overall, an interesting update full of characterization for both Eve and Albus.

-Jayna

 Report Review

Review #2, by May Wings With Wind

14th June 2015:
I think albus would not mind her being unable to do magic

 Report Review

Review #3, by May Not Quite Enough Time

23rd May 2015:
I hope you continue with eve I would like to know what happens to her and albus I like this story it's a bit different from the others

Author's Response: Thankyou very much! i will try as much as i can to continue writing! :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by May Running From Sweets

23rd May 2015:
I like that eve as a friend I think squibs should be excepted they most probably will have magical children

 Report Review

Review #5, by May Broken Jugs

23rd May 2015:
I hope she tells him that she is a squib

 Report Review

Review #6, by May Isolation

23rd May 2015:
Poor eve I really wished she could be magic I hope she makes friends

Author's Response: hehehe, we will see! thankyou for reviewing! :)

 Report Review

Review #7, by Jayna Isolation

16th April 2015:
Hi again!

This was a nice bit of history to add to the story and I think this was a perfect place to add it. The Squib Support Society was an interesting touch. Overall, far fewer mistakes compared to the last chapter, but still a fair amount. One thing I caught:
"curled in a foetus position." I believe you meant a fetal position.

-Jayna

Author's Response: haha! your right! foetus position wow, how did i miss that? thankyou!

 Report Review

Review #8, by Jayna The Boy With Green Eyes

12th April 2015:
Hey! First, it's always interesting to read about squibs. There aren't a whole lot of fanfics dedicated to them and making Eve the niece of a minor canon character was a nice touch. I also liked how Rose was portrayed as very observant and clever.

However, there were huge amounts of typos, spelling and grammar errors. For example,

‘Your Late!’ Madam Rosmerta shouted as I open the tingling door of the pub.

should be

"You're late!" Madam Rosmesrta shouted as I opened the tingling door of the pub.

There are also a lot of capitalization mistakes. I would suggest getting a beta reader or at least reading through it again. Overall, I love the idea and am excited to see what happens next.

-Jayna

Author's Response: Thankyou so much! my computer has been very frustrating recently with word documents, but i got a new laptop today so i'm hoping that helps! i am really bad with spelling :p. ThankyouThankyouThankyou!!!

 Report Review

Review #9, by Dangos The Boy With Green Eyes

8th November 2013:
Hi! I really liked this chapter, it's a good start and very interesting :) I really liked how you ended it and am excited to see what happens next. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'll upload more as soon as i can :)

 Report Review

Review #10, by Sharvi The Boy With Green Eyes

4th November 2013:
Wow, I really want to know how this story proceeds. A few notes would be to pay a little more attention to grammar and capitalisation of names (you've written Rose as rose and Albus as albus) I'm also left wondering where the rest of the Weasley/Potter are because I would have thought that they would have made an appearance. Anyhow, it doesn't really matter and I really can't wait to read more!!

Author's Response: Thanks Heaps:). Im am planning to write more about the Potters and Weasleys in future chapters. Thanks for the grammar tip, i will try get working on the next chapter ASAP :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login