Reading Reviews for Branded
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by emia23 Chapter Two: Good for Nothing

20th March 2014:
I'm really looking forward to see where you will take this story. Draco/Astoria is one of my favorite couples and I like the way you write both of them, so I will definatly follow your story! Thanks for writing it.

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Review #2, by Cannons Chapter One: Oil Blood

16th December 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review!

Ok, this was a neat piece of writing. I enjoy reading about Draco after the war and seeing people's interpretations on how he has changed so I found this interesting and believable for the most part.

Draco is particularly fascinating in my opinion because we get the argument, was he raised to be how he was? or does he have to take some responsibility for what he has done?

I think you have got his characterisation and mannerisms down quite well, the only line I have a problem with is this one - ' I agreed with Snape—he is a perfectly adequate wizard. Perhaps above average in DADA and flying, but other than that I could easily curse circles around him.' - I just cant see Draco complementing Harry, even in a backhand, insulting way, but this is after Hogwarts and the battle so it is believable that he has grown I guess.

This line was brilliant. - ' Did their blood beat faster? Mine felt like thick oil pumping mechanically through a machine, turning from one cog to the next. ' - All his life Draco has been obsessed, and has been surrounded by people who are obsessed with 'blood', so I found it absolutely brilliant that he finds himself comparing his blood to other peoples, wondering who has the better deal. I don't know if that was on purpose but I enjoyed it.

At the beginning you have made Draco sarcastic and resigned to his fate which is what I imagine he would react like to the situation.

'Now, with his receding hairline, paper skin and powerless stance, commands from him embarrassed me. ' - Another fantastic line, this really shows how much Draco has grown since the war. I also found it fitting the Lucius was being extremely hypercritical by telling Draco to get a job.

You have a good pace throughout, and a consistent style of writing. I think if you wanted to improve it a little more you could add to the length and flesh it out even more with description. Your description is really good, for instance, - 'The Magical Games and Sports area was the opposite of traditional Malfoy décor, trademarked by clean lines, neutrals, and cold textured surfaces. The floors were a thick red carpet and team flags hung from every wall with cartoon colors and moving mascots. Once my eyes adjusted, I noticed the small wooden desk perched among the chaos.' - but the are some instances where I feel some description is would add to the atmosphere.

This chapter is well written and I enjoyed reviewing it.


Author's Response: Wow this was a really awesome review! Thank you for taking the time to do this.
You're the second person to talk about that line about Harry; I never meant it to read as a compliment. My friend said it did as well. I'll have to check out that wording and see what I really think about changing it.
I'm glad you picked up on the blood reference :) I was inspired by the Sylvia Plath quote, but then thought it was very fitting given the blood statuses.
I'm glad you find Draco's characterization overall believable! That's wonderful and good to hear!
Ah yes, I struggle with adding lots of description. I thrive on dialogue and internal dialogue but definitely need to be reminded to describe things, so I will make sure I'm keeping that in mind as I'm now working on the next chapter.
Thank you again!
xx Lizzie

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Review #3, by milominderbinder Chapter Two: Good for Nothing

14th December 2013:
Hiya hon! Wow, it's really taken me a long time to get around to reviewing this second chapter - sorry about that!

Once again, I really enjoyed your characterisation of Draco here. I haven't read a ton of fic about him so I can't really compare it to much, but you really write him as I would picture a post-war Draco, and it's great to read. He's not the same cocky boy he was at Hogwarts, he's kind of bitter, a little subdued, a little depressed. You write all those aspects of him really well while keeping him true to his character from canon.

I really love Astoria too! Even though we only find out a little more about her in this section than we did in the last chapter, it's all really interesting, and I can already tell she's developing into a well rounded character. She also definitely seems to be a match for Draco - well done!

My favourite section was by far this one:

I wanted nothing more than to Apparate home to my bed and spend my day memorizing each curve of the snake and skull forever printed on my skin. If I looked hard enough I could see the pores, seeing exactly which ones were claimed by the darkness and which were still white as diamonds.

But, the pores were so tiny it was maddening. Every time I thought I counted them all I lost track, or forgot which ones I had already accounted for.

Draco's fascination with and connection to his mark is perfect. I loved this idea, truly. It really showed his connection to his past without glorifying it, and almost contrastingly shows how DISCONNECTED he feels from his time in the Death Eaters, because in a way it's like the mark isn't even part of him anymore. Yet it is, and he knows that.

Anyway, another great chapter - well done! The challenge results will be up in the next few days so keep an eye out!


Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I'm really glad you're liking my characterization of Draco, it's intimidating writing him! And I'm glad my weird fascination I'm making him have with his dark mark is making sense to you :D
Astoria is fun too! And your comments last chapter helped me and inspired me for this one, so thank you very much!!! I'll be checking out for the winners! Can't wait!
xx LIzzie

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Review #4, by weaselredhair Chapter Two: Good for Nothing

30th November 2013:
I really do like how you've portrayed Draco's character I would like to see him a bit more depressed though, but I guess that's just me. I do love post Draco stories he is a very interesting character to see. I do love interesting characters. You never get to see many of them either so thanks for writting this one. And I really hope you keep going I love Draco/Astoria fics they're so cute.!!!

Author's Response: Thank you for your feedback! I think when I'm writing him I picture him more depressed but I should work on portraying that a bit more. Yeah we have a couple more chapters yet to go!

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Review #5, by theblacksisters Chapter Two: Good for Nothing

25th November 2013:
Interested to see how this turns out-update soon!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying this so far! Thank you for taking the time to read and review!

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Review #6, by milominderbinder Chapter One: Oil Blood

16th November 2013:
Hiya! Maia from the Sylvia Plath challenge here :) Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to this review, but here we go!

So, I've never actually read much fic about Draco before, which makes this immediately interesting to me. Especially since you picked what I think is the most fascinating section of his life, the post war period in which he is finding himself, trying to decide how much of his parents attitudes he wants to adopt etc. You get to decide how much he's been affected by the war and how it's changed him, and I think you explored that all perfectly through his characterisation here! You managed to make him similar enough to the Draco in the books that it was believable, but at the same time showing his growth from Hogwarts Draco.

Some of my favourite lines were:

"Think I can put 'attempted murder of Albus Dumbledore' on my resume?" I muttered darkly.

^This line really captures the resentment Draco must feel for how hindered his life has been by the things he was forced into doing when he was a child, and also shows how bitter his personality has become (not that he was ever exactly cheerful, haha). For some reason this line just captures a lot of character development for me, especially as its directed at his father, it really emphasises the end of the idolisation and dependency Draco had for Lucius in the series, which is very powerful. It shows the war has really made Draco grow up.

Flashbacks of my own Wizengmot trial popped in front of my eyes like camera bulbs. I think I'd pass.

^I've never really thought about Draco having a trial before, so this line was really fascinating and made me think about it and wonder what happened at his trial. Whatever happened I can definitely imagine why that particular department would bring back memories of a really bad period of his life, so I totally understand him not wanting to work there!

I really loved how you worked in the quote, especially in this line:

Did their blood beat faster? Mine felt like thick oil pumping mechanically through a machine, turning from one cog to the next. I bet their blood poured like juice, smooth and full of sugar. Behind my rhythmic thudding all I could hear was my pulse mocking I am, I am, I am.

^That's so beautifully written and perfectly blended with the tone of the quote, well done!

I also like your introduction of Astoria so far! I like how you had already set up Draco's character and only had her come in at the end of the chapter, it makes it more interesting and suspenseful, as well as more solid characterisation wise as it's obvious that Draco is already different with her than he was in the rest of the chapter. I loved the subtle changes in him when he was talking to her, and her few lines make her seem like a fun character already, and I'm interested to know more about her! Is she really an innocent doe or is there more beneath the surface?

I loved this, overall, and can't wait to see where you go with it. Make sure to shoot me a message on the forums when the next chapter is up so I can come and review that too!


Author's Response: This was so incredibly nice and helpful! Thank you so so much! I will definitely keep you in the loop about posting the next chapter.
Your feedback about Draco is wonderful to hear, I'm always terrified to touch JKRowling's characters, so I really appreciate that you think I'm doing him justice!
Thank you for giving me this awesome quote to work with! I was inspired by The Bell Jar, which I just read, for Draco's stream of thought a bit.

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Review #7, by SkyEcho Chapter One: Oil Blood

4th November 2013:
Really enjoyed your first chapter! I think you've written Draco quite well. Looking forward to reading more :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review.

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