16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by xoxo The Official Viewing

14th July 2014:
hello there

the rose/scorp pregnancy came out of no where i think. and if she was 4 months she'd have stopped having morning sickness by then. plus she'd have other symptoms too.

in the last chapter you kept saying 'they' for the baby, so unless there is two i would pick another word

you have a gender scan when you are 20 weeks which is 4 months pregnant, not five. in a prevcious chapter lily called ginny momma and you used the word sonogram - both of these are american so it would mummy or mumma and ultrasound. four months pregnant isn't even that big, nor five months, google some pictures to besure

agaon morning sickness eases off at 12 weeks, it's very unsual to have it through out the rest of the pregnancy - look up on pregnancy to make it more believeable

the first lot of chapters you put A LOT of things in brackets, just take the time to describe and explain things. Same with the first chapter THAT WAS A LOT of information to take in at once. you also swap from writing things such as fifth year but then when it comes to times you write 9, to keep it flowing stick with just the words. i kind of feel the pace is extremly quick, like it went from first year to third then fifth and then suddenly seventh, it was a tad confusing, the same with roses pregnancy she was 4 months, then suddenlt 5 then she had two months to go meaning she was 7 months.

the last summary for the epilogue was a spoiler, i was excited to find out but I read that and saw 'she' so it spoilt it for me.

try seperating large blocks or writing up, it can be hard on the eye and the flow. just because the other potter-weasley's (i hate the term wotters) are not at hogwarts doesnt mean they have to be described or in big scenes, plus the baby shower should have taken place at the three broomsticks as i doubt McGonagall would allow it (idea for you) and she would obviously have to talk to rose and scorp about the situation. When molly weasley (senior) had the stroke in their fifth year i was quote doubtful that they would have four days off, it just didn't seem real.

"Yeah! Nana Mione (Hermione) " - in front of mione you need ' as it is a shorted version, i wouldn't bother with the breackets its pretty exlplantory who she is on about.

try and cut down on the nicknames, like there were A LOT. especially for teddy and victoire (vidy??) it doesn't make sense and if you hadnt read previous chapters it was confusing. there was probably no need to shorten molly to moll or lucy to luce. i didnt see how clayer was a shortend version of clemece for victoire and teddy's second child, and it seemed a little off to have such a fancy name for her whilst their son noah has a plain name, but i guess its personal taste. it may have been better to explain how the other potter-weasley next gen kids were at maia's birthday party rather than just throw the vast infortmation out there. maybe not all of them would be pregnant/have kids?

the thing about hayley thomas being the other godmother, came out of the blue. like there had been no previous mention of the girl and boom she's suddenly godmother, it seemed a little off dear.

i highly reccomend you look over on the forums and get a beta, it has potential but there is just so many little things which add up. in my last review i mentioned the " marks things and descriptions. i think there needs to be a bit more character development and exploration for her, like you mentioned her dad wasn't around but the way it was said sounded like he died rather than left them? if that's the case then you should elaborated more on livy and her backstory. i also kind of feel that there could have been more chapters explaining things. and that maybe the layour could have been different, like you started with a sentence from chapter 28 in the first chapter before going into their first year, i feel like you could have had livy in that moment think about reminiscing back to her time at hogwarts, hence that chapters and the following would be about how she survived her years there.

OKAY SO I LOVE THE ENDING THAT SHE WROTE ALL OF THIS IN LETTERS, I feel the start of the story in chapter one didn't really reflect that? and it was in 1st person rather than 3rd, so maybe adjust it so it does, for example like i said above maybe have livy writing those lines from chapter 28 and then have her sti back in the chair and look out the window as her mind wanders and voila it goes into chapter 1?

hope you dont think this is too harsh but it does need tweaking. i'm off to read the sequel now x

xoxo

Author's Response: Hey xoxo,

(First off, it seems I forgot to answer a question from a different review. Maia is 6 at the moment! But her birthday is in the next month coming up, August, in the book).

Yeah, it would have stopped but Rose hadn't seen Madame P for a long time. Therefore she automatically wanted to know.

Another person raised this and I simply used 'they' to ensure no-one knew if it was a boy or a girl! But I will consider changing it.

I'm pretty sure it's between 4 and 5 weeks? But I may be wrong.
I placed in the American words to make it more realistic. I know everyone nowadays is starting to become more Americanised, therefore in 2028 I imagine it to be much worse than today!
I'd say that there would at least be a significant difference compared to the stick thin Rose that wasn't pregnant!

Yeah, you're absoutley right, I seriously need to re-think this entire story to be honest, and I know that, but with my other stories it's hard to find time but I will one day!

I understand where you are coming from and I will look into getting a beta reader because I know I need one!

I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVED THAT BIT! It's my favourite bit of the whole thing. She just wanted her dad to be remembered (seeing as he's dead).

It's all good. I understand!

Thanks for leaving the review!

ScoroseOTP
Emz xxx


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Review #2, by xoxo The Epilogue

13th July 2014:
whislt this is good i feel there are not enough descriptions and that its all dialogue, especially when you scroll down and on the left hand side alll you can see " marks. same with the sequel.

i would also suggest putting your banner above the summary rather than under it, same goes for the other banners.

Author's Response: Hey!
I know exactly what you mean, I really need to go back and update this one. It was my first ever shot at writing and admittedly, I don't think it's that great!
With the sequel, I am trying to get a lot better, so my descriptions, I think, are getting more and more. Which I hope is coming through.

I have done! Thanks for the tip!

ScoroseOTP
Emz xxx


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Review #3, by Brightest Witch The Epilogue

16th June 2014:
Just read your story! I love it! And the way you wrote Livvy was downright amazing.

Author's Response: Hey!
YAY! I'm glad you loved it! I loved writing it to be honest!
Thank you so much for taking the time to review! It honestly means the world and puts a huge smile on my face especially when you say such nice things!
THANK YOU! I love Livy so much, I'm glad you think she's amazing!

ScoroseOTP
Emz xxx


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Review #4, by Hara Chaarag The Epilogue

7th May 2014:
Hi! Well, I'd just like to say that this is an amazing work. It's really fun to read. I'll be honest and point out the tiny glitch that the grammatical errors were. But they were less in number. I personally LOVED the character of Livy. She's so lively and bubbly. And the bits with Albus were so heartwarming! Love your work!

Author's Response: Hi!
THANK YOU!
Thank you also for the cristism, this was my first story and having read it over myself again- I've found the same thing. So, once I've finished the stories I'm currently writing I'm going to edit this story completely!
Thank you so so much! I love Livy too! And Al for that matter!
Thanks again!

ScoroseOTP
Emz xxx


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Review #5, by British obsessed The Finished Sentence, The Wotter's Issue and The Many Letters

2nd March 2014:
I will now always mention that a banana might not be a fruit when i am in a tense moment.

Author's Response: Yep!
That's always my escape plan in those situations. Most people focus on the random thing that you've just said!
One of my best friends once used it a couple years ago and it's stuck ever since. I don't think I'll ever forget it!
I hope you don't either!
Thanks for leaving the review!
ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #6, by Doc The Official Viewing

14th February 2014:
Umm there isn't three godparents there's two

Author's Response: I've got three godparents,
and so does everyone else I know...
If you have a girl, you usually have 2 women and 1 men
And if you have a boy, it's usually 2 men and 1 woman


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Review #7, by E. Grant The Confessions and The Return of the Awful Nicknames

13th February 2014:
I'm thoroughly enjoying your story! The only problem I'm having is that the server won't respond to me trying to get to the next chapter. Is there any way you'd email a perfect stranger a PDF copy? If so email me at egrant 596 (at) gmail (dot) com. If you aren't comfortable please let me know how I can finish the story you've written. I absolutely love reading fan fiction almost as much as I love writing it. Yours has become one I haven't been able to stop reading since I started. I really hope I can finish it! Livy and Albus were in Herbology when I left them.

Author's Response: Thank you!
Ah. That's not good. I would be happy to, but I don't have PDF, so how about if I send it you with a word document?
I feel exactly the same,I love fan fictions so much, that's what inspired me to write!
That means the world, honestly, it does. Thank you so much!
Try and find a way to reply because I'd love to help!
ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #8, by magicalmayhem The Epilogue

8th February 2014:
I came across this story because I saw the sequel. I'm notorious for reading all available before reviewing. I loved the plot as well as watching you grow as a writer. It worked well with this as it reflected to the changes in the characters ages throughout. And even more impressive was that you grew with any real advice or at least from the review stand point. Congratulations on a job well done and now I'm off to the sequel.

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you came across me no matter how you did!
And that's perfectly fine, a review at the end is much better than non at all!
Thank you so much! It's really great the way that worked out isn't it? How the ages and my skills developed simultaneously, it made for a better story than I ever could have imagined!
The more I wrote the better I became. To anyone who is worried about developing as a writer shouldn't worry, it comes with practice!
I see you've read 'My Brothers and I' but I'm also writing a sequel called 'Teeth Are Always In Style' so please stay tuned for that? And maybe even keep me update each chapter on that one, it's a bit of a work in process? (I'm quite afraid of messing up... Seeing as I'm carrying on further with it)
So, once more, THANK YOU. It means the world that you'd review!
ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #9, by AshOwl25224 The Epilogue

28th January 2014:
All right, I saw that your story sadly doesn't have a lot of reviews, and since I read (and enjoyed, by the way) each and every chapter, I might as well change that :)

First of all, I really like the lay-out and how nicely everything wraps up.
I also think you did a great job capturing all seven years at Hogwarts in one story without leaving out anything important.
Moreover, I have to say that, even though I didn't like the idea of Rose being pregnant at first (like Teddy, I thought she was too bright), it really has grown on me and now I think it's actually quite cute, and it's nice to see they still got to live the lives they imagined. -You see, I care deeply about fictional characters. But I digress.
In addition to that, I also liked the occasional narrator change; it allows you to identify with the different characters without losing focus on Livy as the main character.

All in all, a great story!

Author's Response: Yeah... it is quite sad... but thank you anyway. A review at the end is better than none at all!
Thank you! It was important for me to do that for Livy, even if it was just a tiny bit from each year!
I know what you mean. I'm so seriously attached to fictional characters as well. So, Rose's condition was difficult for me too. But honestly, that's the reason why they got to live happily ever after and do what they wanted!
I thought that was necessary to do that sometimes, a different point of view is always nice I feel!
Thank you so so much! I really appreciate it!
ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #10, by Tris  The Epilogue

27th January 2014:
Ok so as a whole... First off, I am so glad you were always so quick to update. Even though I couldn't read the whole story all at once, it was still awesome to come back after 1 week and find that the rest of the story was up. I really did like the story, it was charming and cute. I would have liked to see a little more conflict, and a little more charachtor development. Livy it seems was not given enough of a chance I think, she was accepted too much too quickly, but at the same time there was kind of an odd dynamic between her and the Wotters. I really liked the epilogue and thought it was perfect. I loved the name (I wish lily was the second godmother ) and I am excited to see what you write next!

Author's Response: I always get annoyed when people are slow to update, so I did try to keep it as fast as possible!
Awww, thanks so much!
That's fair enough!
I found that while writing Livy just seemed to be able to adapt herself quickly and deal with most things all on her own, so it was very easy for her to be accepted. Or at least that's what I tried to do and create!
I liked the strange relationship she had with them! It's like she was their odd 2nd cousin or something that they didn't see for ages but clicked with instantly!
THANK YOU SO MUCH! That means so, so much! I can't believe you said it was perfect! (Is it strange for me to say I love you?)
It took me ages to think of Maia's name, stars for names is quite difficult!
I was very tempted to make the second godmother Lily but I decided against it because she was already related to Maia, (although that didn't stop me with Al- but part of me only did him because she was going to stay with Livy forever and ever, so he deserved it really!)
ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #11, by Tris  The Telling of Everything and Everyone Gets There Say

27th January 2014:
I love the comment, "I couldn't kill a fly, let alone my own baby" I think that really captured the feelings or rose well. I do wish we got to see the conversation between rosť and scorp though when they were making up. Also you keep saying "they" when you refer to the babies. Idk if that is a typo, or just something you are hiding... I will keep reading to figure it out I guess haha

Author's Response: Thank you! I could just imagine Rose saying that too!
Okay, well, I didn't put it in because I figured it was more important that they'd made up to how they did. But that is a fair point. I may add it when I edit the story later on!
I used "they" because I wanted to keep it a secret the sex of the baby, so it was a surprise at the end.
Thanks for reading though! It means a heck of a lot when people leave reviews!
ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #12, by ihate coming up with usernames The Epilogue

25th January 2014:
Loveed it! It was so amazing! And I love that it was all in a letter!

Author's Response: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! It means so much it's unreal!
Yeah, it took some time to think that bit up actually, I needed a good way to end it, and that was what I came up with!
I literally love you though for saying such nice things!
So, THANK YOU SWEETCHEEKS!


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Review #13, by ihate coming up with usernames The End of Hogwarts

25th January 2014:
Such a brilliant story. I have been here from the beginning and I am so glad I stuck with it till the end.

Author's Response: Thank you so so much! :D
I love you! (Sorry if that's a bit strange... but honestly... My first review of the whole story/the end!).
I'm so glad you like it! :)
I loved writing it and so glad you loved Livy's story and stuck with us until the end, it means a lot. (If you hadn't already gathered)
ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #14, by Iellwen The Meeting and Sorting

20th January 2014:
Are you sure all the information you bombard your reader with is entirely necessary to the story?
It's a bit important, of course, to know how your characters look like but you don't necessarily have to list all of their traits at the same time - you can add details bits by bits in the narration or even dialogs for example.

Reading this chapter felt a bit like having a high-pitched blabbermouth spilling her entire life (under 5 minutes and without breathing) sitting right next to me.
I'm not saying this to be mean - this is a tip I've been given: just try reading what you wrote out loud to yourself or somebody else. It really helps. :)

This story has a cute and (very) energetic feel to it and I'll definitely read a few more chapters :D

Did you know: You can apply for a beta-reader and/or reviews (constructive criticism, opinions etc) in the forums right here - it's really useful and helps you get some feedback on a rather regular basis.

:)

Author's Response: Thank you! It's really great to get some feedback, especially if you're trying to help me out. It's great! So, thank you. I'm currently writing the end chapters and then am going to visit the rest and edit it all. So that's a great tip! :)
I promise, this is my first ever fanfiction and as I went along the story it got better... so if you could read on that'd be amazing, it is much better as we continue (if I do say so myself)
Hope you enjoyed it though, Livy was a very energetic child but I feel she calms down slightly, although is very excitable! So, I suppose this is meant to come through, or at least I tried too!
:) :D ScoroseOTP xxx


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Review #15, by Gwen The Two Of Us Need Help

14th January 2014:
I really like the plot I think it is clever. I am enjoying it I think maybe a little darker drama woul add to your story, and make it more interesting. I only wish it was finished so I could keep reading!!! Also the dr Seuss connection is interesting, I am waiting to see where the title ties in.

Author's Response: Thank you! Wait and see, I'm currently writing chapter 29 and not done yet so there's so much more to come! Thanks again, Dr Seuss is great!
SPOILER ALERT!
You'll have to wait until chapter 23... Sorry it's taking so long but it's on it's way I promise!
Thank you so much for reading and leaving a review! It means so much! :) :D xxx


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Review #16, by Dangos Our Protective Boys and Jealousy

15th December 2013:
Hey! This is turning out well. :) I like their relationships and that bit about Al being interested in muggle stuff from the last chapter. He's often portrayed so much like Harry, so, it was nice to see some Weasley. Rose was interesting and Livy's sweet. Keep up the good work :) !

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much! My first official review! Congrats!
Good! I'm so very glad you like it. I've always thought Al would be more like Ginny but have his Dad's looks and somewhat quietness.
I will indeed keep going! But again, thanks so so much for reviewing, don't be afraid to drop in another, if you have any queries about their ages etc. Just ask!
:) xxx


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