Reading Reviews for Everything's Okay
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyLou The Lake

16th January 2014:
Hello, here for my challenge!

Sorry for not reading this sooner-- it slipped my mind *grins sheepishly* but don't worry, I loved this! It was adorable, really! Super cute.

The way you wrote them interacting was so great, and entirely them. How she 'hates him for making her like him'. Oh, that's so great! I loved it.

-Janelle

Author's Response: Don't worry about it:) I'm so glad you liked the story and thanks for the review!

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Review #2, by heartjily4ever The Lake

13th November 2013:
Hey, so I got round to doing the reviews finally, so sorry it took this long. School being mean and all that. But I've finally gotten around to doing it!

Overall I think this is a really cute fluffy romance piece. I always love Jily romances and this one is just so cute, and all coupley.

I think the characterization is pretty good. James seems really good - doing a little mischief just to get her attention. I think Lily could maybe have been a bit colder, at least at first. She did hate him for most of their life. But they seems good together, good jokey conversation.And the little bit at the end - just aww.

Your grammar seems pretty good - I didn't notice anything outstanding that was bad or wrong. It flowed really well too, from the start to finish. Especially the bit where James comes into it - joking and with that cocky little smile of his. I'd be interested in more development into this relationship side, but maybe not in this one shot. It seems good as it is. I did like it though, well done :D

~Frances

Author's Response: No problem!

Aww, thank you :) I tried to make it cutesy/fluffy so I'm glad it worked. Thanks for the review! I might add a couple short stories to continue it a bit:0


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Review #3, by patronus_charm The Lake

10th November 2013:
You might just want to check your links next time as it led me to my review thread for some reason :P It was no problem for me, itís just it might land you into trouble if you rate it but itís the incorrect rating :)

I feel as if there were quite a few cases where the description could have been really great but wasnít due to lack of development. One example of this was describing Lilyís favourite book and spot to sit, as these are her favourite things, one would assume that she would be gushing with things to say about them, thus expressing why it was like that so that could be one place to include. Then others include it being springtime and her dislike for James as they were stated quite powerfully but werenít backed up with description which made it not as awesome as it could be, but with just a sprinkle of it, it could be miles better!

The attention to detail in this one-shot was great from making the plot concordant to start to finish and then the way you changed Jamesís dialogue when he was eating a biscuit. Just those little things, that attention to detail essentially, is what raised the story from what it could have been and itís something hard to come across at times.

I thought you handled their relationship well too. I liked the way Lily was still trying to deny her liking him at the beginning but when he brought out the cooking she couldnít resist like any other girl and it was just so cute. My favourite part was watching her battle with the mention about him wanting to marry her as that made me chuckle as I really didnít know what her answer was going to be.

This line was like cute heave ĎLily could still taste the sugary tea on his lips. Ď

I did feel the ending was bordering on a little too over the top, so perhaps instead of James picking her up and kissing her passionately as theyíve only just got over their hate for one another, they have just kiss on the lips nothing more as that will make the story even more concordant.

Your grammar was good on the whole, there were just a few cases of your dialogue related grammar being a bit off, which is fine as itís so hard to grapple with! One thing I would advise for that is either look at the tutorials on the forums for it as they are really good or visit the quick betas section and get someone there to look it over as they can help you with a lot more detail than I can.

This one-shot really did cheer me up though!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Sorry about the link, don't know what happened there:/

Thank you so much for this review, it's really helpful! I agree with you: detail isn't exactly a strength of mine so I'll just work harder on that. As for the ending, I definitely thing you're right and I will edit that in a bit.

Thanks again!:)


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Review #4, by academica The Lake

5th November 2013:
Hi there, here with your requested review!

This was a cute Jily piece. I liked how you showed them bonding over a "date" that, for all intended purposes, went horribly wrong :) I really enjoyed watching them transform the situation into a humorous one by tossing the cakes into the lake and laughing about it. It was also refreshing to see Lily mildly annoyed by James and James being willing to take a hint from Lily--it's different from the usual exchange of loud insults that I see in too many Jily stories.

I do feel like the ending was a little over the top and went into a bit of a melodramatic zone. You avoided talk of hatred and passionate kisses for so much of the story that this ending seems like it's too fast--like it would be more suited for ten more "dates" beyond this point. If you wanted to experiment more with Jily, you could always extend this into a short story collection. However, as is, I'd recommend altering the end to fit the mood of the rest of the story a bit more.

I liked your peaceful imagery, particularly the way you described the scene by the lake before the buzzing started. The dialogue between Lily and James was also nice, easy and pleasant. I did notice a few problems with dialogue tags; there is a great tutorial under Writer's Resources on the forums that I have used in the past for the same issue, and I would recommend taking a look.

Nice work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this awesome review! I'm glad you pointed out the over-the-topness, I hadn't thought of that before and I will definitely use your advice :) Sorry this response is so late!

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Review #5, by 800 words of heaven The Lake

2nd November 2013:
Hello! I promised that I would drop in to review when this was up, so here I am :D

I actually also dropped in because I'm a HUGE Jily fan, but I don't really have the time to read longer stories, but I try to catch all the new one-shots!

This was absolutely adorable! I liked how they got together in such a quiet way. It wasn't like a huge deal (except for them) in front of a giant crowd or anything. Just some terrible tea and biscuits!

Your James is absolutely adorable! I loved how he was so bad at cooking. I don't pretend to be any sort of cooking virtuoso, but even I can't stuff up tea. It was very sweet of Lily to attempt to drink it anyway.

I actually really liked the way you wrote Lily here, as well. She was quiet and reserved, and I liked how she let James of gently, yet spoke her mind. Also, it was very sweet when she realised she was willing to give James a go!

Wonderful story! I'd be interested to read on if you ever thought about expanding this - or writing another Marauders story :)

Author's Response: Hello!:) Thanks for your awesome review! I really like Jily too and since I've never wrote any before, I wanted to try. I'm glad you think the characterization of both of them is accurate:) I'm actually writing a Mauraders novel for NaNo so I'll probably start posting it in December. Thanks again for reviewing this for me, and I'll have yours up soon!

-LumosWeasley


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