Reading Reviews for Sanguini, the Vampire
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CassiePotter The Vampire Monologues

25th May 2014:
Hi teh!
I'm back for another wonderful story of yours! This story was really interesting, and I love how much thought you put into Sanguini's (or David's) character! He's not someone that jumped out at me when I read about him in HBP, so I love that you made him so complicated! His relationship with Eldred was wonderfully written, and I found it really intriguing! Also, your descriptions were beautiful! This section was my favorite, and it really stuck out to me-
Vampirism is a perpetuity of the body, a madness of the mind, a gradual separation of the the two; one ages and one stagnates. I've alternated between beast and being, between control and being lost to my own instinct.
That is some gorgeous writing on your part. Really, this whole story was fascinating. Wonderful work, as per usual! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello again, Cassie! ♥

Thank you so much for leaving me yet another fabulous review! This really means a lot to me, especially as this wasn't a short easy piece to read, and I'm glad you stuck with it to the end! Yeah, Sanguini wasn't much of a character in HBP...but whenever we write peripheral characters as protagonists in our own fic, they're gonna get pretty complicated, right? :P

It's been some time since I wrote this, and the relationship between David and Eldred isn't the healthiest. Sometimes I want to just sit back and write some fluffy, loving and healthy relationship, but I don't seem to be able to do so.

Anyway, I'm glad you like the descriptive bits. I had a lot of fun with descriptive writing in this story! I let the prose run a little wild in some places.

Thanks for such a wonderful review, Cassie! ♥

-teh


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Review #2, by Pixileanin The Vampire Monologues

12th January 2014:
First off, I really, really like the tone of this piece. It's intriguing. It peaks my curiosity. The way that he draws in his, shall we say, prey, in an almost uninterested way is very alluring.

The most impressive thing about this piece for me is the idea that this vampire has been alive for such a long time that he has started losing his memories. I supposed that could happen. I find it to be highly plausible, given the long existence of this creature. (I was going to say "realistic", but well, you know... )

The whole story has a lulling quality to it. I said "alluring", because I feel lured in. Sanguini didn't just tell his story, he revealed his weaknesses, his doubts, his fears. It's a very intimate story. I didn't expect him to be so forthcoming to a virtual stranger in a pub about the details. It all felt squeamishly intimate.

I almost feel like he's hypnotized his listener by the way that he describes the state of him, and then the reveal of who the listener is, it brings the whole story back into focus for me.

I never read Twilight, but I am familiar with a bunch of other vampire legends. The details of his life fit very well with a vampire story, I thought. I accepted all of your vapiric ideas head on, with no questions. Nothing felt wrong or out of place, or too much.

I really bought into the idea that Eldred shaped Sanguini's public face, and that he felt indebted to the man for so long. I could fully understand in the end, through your fantastic descriptions, how Sanguini just couldn't take his presence any longer. People change, and for someone who doesn't, well, there simply isn't any other option than to move one.

Or they could suck them dry and leave them for dead in a heap on the floor, and then feel sorry for themselves.

That scene told me so much about Sanguini's character, what he was capable of, what he craved, and how far his loyalties really went, which made it more chilling when you revealed his latest interest. I pictured the whole thing happening all over again with this younger, unaware poor thing. Like a cycle continuing, until he has nothing in his mind left. I loved that you showed his ultimate fate, and that he knew where his existence was ultimately heading.

"And I am fine with this."

I thought that was the best way to put it. I understood the first part of the story so much better at that point.

This was a genuine pleasure to read. I loved everything about it, the lilting voice, the compelling descriptions, the characters that you managed to bring to life in a monologue, for goodness sake! It was fantastic!

Author's Response: Hey, hey, Pix! :D

Wow! This is such an amazing and detailed review! Thank you so, so much for taking the time to read the story (which isn't a particularly short and concise one...unfortch) and for leaving me so many wonderful comments. GAH, YOUR COMPLIMENTS ♥

Vampires are everywhere these days. So, naturally, I had to jump onto the bloodsucker bandwagon and write my own version of vampires. I must say I really enjoyed this exercise. I did indeed try to fit my version into the Potterverse, and hopefully I succeeded to some extent. I had this idea of limiting the effects of vampirism to the body, and letting the mind stay the same, rather human, and hence, Sanguini's mind decays over time. His fate is kind of sealed. I was also influenced by a small footnote in 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them' about vampires, and the protest by centaurs that those creatures are even categorised under the 'Being Division' as opposed to, I'm not sure, the Beast or Spirit Divisions. Thus was born the idea of vampires slowly losing their minds to their physical needs. Body over mind. Instinct over civilisation. Nature over culture, and so on and so forth with the binaries. :P

Somehow, I must confess that I'm surprised that some reviewers including you have found Sanguini's narration alluring or hypnotic; I can't quite remember what effect I was going for when I was writing this, but your comments really flatter me, and I'm glad you found that the prose had a sort of pull to it.

Never mind Twilight! :P I was just poking a bit of fun at vampires in general. I should have had a bit more discipline with this fic, but I didn't feel like it; I sort of just wanted to let go and write for the heck of it.

Thank you for your perceptive analysis on Sanguini/Eldred's relationship, and of that penultimate scene, where Sanguini realises his awful fate, but accepts it. He's resigned; I wish he weren't so resigned, somehow...but I'm so glad that this part shed a different light on the beginning, and helped you understand the story better; this is what I sometimes love to do with my endings: to include some moment, some epiphany or anti-epiphany that will change the whole story somehow,that opens up different levels of interpretation in the narrative.

Thank you for this amazing review, Pix! I'm honestly blown away by your wonderful comments. You're awesome. ♥

-teh


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Review #3, by magnolia_magic The Vampire Monologues

10th December 2013:
So I saw that this story is featured this month in the CR. And I was like, "I HAVE to check this out. Because it's teh and of course I'm going to love it!" And this story did not disappoint, rest assured. I was mesmerized from start to finish.

The thing I love best about your work is how imaginative you are with word choice. You don't even have to deliberately set out to describe a scene or a mood; you just make it so vivid through the words you choose.

"I can smell you, the different layers of your body: the sweat beading on your skin, the oil glands leaking into your subcutaneous tissue, the salt in the capillaries irrigating the flesh."

^What an intense, rich way to describe life, especially from the point of view of someone who can't remember what it feel like to be human. This is my favorite passage in the entire piece, but there are so many others that I loved as well. I found myself going back and rereading some lines a couple more times, just to absorb the tidal wave of imagery. Fantastic job!

Sanguini (or David, as I should probably call him) surprised me. He seems so...mild-mannered. Not sinister or evil at all. Definitely not what I imagined from him. His sentimentality about names struck a chord with me, and made him a much more sympathetic character. Even though he would probably deny that he was sentimental. His voice says otherwise, though. He's detached, but not as detached as he seems outwardly.

But as soon as I started feeling sympathetic toward him, he kills Eldred. I guess it was inevitable and I was kidding myself to think he wouldn't do it eventually. I was surprised and not surprised when he did it, and I still don't know what to think about it. Haha, I'm sorting it out in my mind; it might take a while :)

I feel like you were hinting at a deeper sinister nature about Eldred, without really saying it. At one point Sanguini "really looked at him, and detested him." And Eldred would make these little comments here and there that just didn't sit well. AND he treated Sanguini like a character rather than an actual being, using him to feed his own ego. All this sort of prickled in my mind, and I never liked anything about Eldred as I read this piece. But you never came out and actually said, "Hey y'all, Eldred is kind of a sleaze." You let his actions and words speak for him, through Sanguini's mind. I admire this so, so much; you painted his character so strongly and never had to hold the reader's hand in guiding us to our realizations about him. I don't even know how to express my thoughts coherently right now on this subject, but just know that I'm in awe of your ability to "show and not tell." Absolutely in awe. It makes each tiny nuance of movement and speech so much more powerful.

There was only one line that didn't sit well with me. It's in the next-to-last section, when Sanguini says, "And I am fine with this." Is he really? Can he really be fine with the prospect of losing himself completely? Granted, it does seem like Sanguini doesn't have much of a sense of self anyway. But I just found it difficult to believe that he wouldn't dread the dead end his life is headed for, at least a little bit. He shows enough emotion throughout the piece, especially toward Eldred and the memory of his own name, that I can't see him being quite so apathetic about that dismal future. If it were me, I might just take that line out and leave the paragraph before as the closing statement of that section. I think that would add the perfect touch of wistful regret, while still retaining the shrugging, cest-la-vie Sanguini voice you've established throughout the piece.

Anyway. I LOVED this, and I'm so glad it was featured this month! Your talent is huge, teh. I love reading your work, and I'm so glad I was able to find some time to give you a nice long review :) Congrats and keep it up!

--Maggie

Author's Response: AHH MAGGIE! !!?! ♥

I've actually been responding to my reviews, and I finished the last one, went 'Muaha, I'm done!' and then refreshed the page, and there was your lovely review!! Thank you so, SO much for taking the time to drop by and read this fic...and it isn't a short fic either, so I'm honestly so flattered and humbled. ♥

Word choice is my life, haha. I had a lot of fun with imagery and diction in this fic; I pretty much didn't try to limit myself /too/ much. When I was writing this monologue-thing, I decided to simply have fun with it. Usually my other stories have far less, and the prose is a bit more tightly controlled.

Your compliments on the characterisation! ♥ I do, indeed, have a greater preference for 'showing' in my own writing; I like readers to think a bit, to dwell on what characters say and do, and imagine them in their own ways. And I'm glad this has come across to you, and that you are able to appreciate the nuances in characterisation a lot more.

Eldred is not the most noble of characters; he's certainly very flawed, but then again, so is Sanguini. They're both rather self-centred, and it was probably quite obvious that their relationship was not going to turn out well. I'm still pondering whether Eldred being dead (even if it was more of an impulse rather than a premeditated thing) is a good idea. Whether I should remove it and the drama that comes with it. Perhaps David should just walk away...but there's a differnet side of Eldred that surfaced when Sanguini tried to, the first time...hmmm. (sorry, going off on a tangent here...)

My intention with writing the 'and I am fine with this' was to show how resigned he is to his fate. Identity and the meaningfulness of his prolonged existence is something that has plagued him for years and years and years (I suppose this is quite a common theme for vampire texts), and I thought that he /had/ to have some sort of moment of acceptance, some sort of mild defeat where he realises that whatever is going to happen is inevitable, and that once he accepts the inevitable, he becomes a little bit more at peace with himself...it isn't going to be so simple all the time, however. My belief is that he will continue to struggle with this fate, but other times he will be resigned, possibly rather cynical. (And other times he'll be completely not-aware of anything... :( ). I will definitely look through that section again, to make these things clearer/ Thank you so much on the feedback for that bit, Maggie! ♥

And thanks again for this AMAZING detailed review, Maggie! ♥ Your compliments and feedback are just wonderful, and I loved hearing your thoughts about this!

-teh


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Review #4, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Vampire Monologues

6th December 2013:
OH wow. Just... wow! Teh, you have once again just completely blown my mind!! You really never cease to amaze me!

I absolutely LOVED the monologue. And your description, as always, was spot-on... sooo believable, so detailed, so realistic, so just... GAH! Words can't even describe it! I know I've probably said this a billion times, but you REALLY need to be published, my dear!

I really liked how you changed different aspects about the Vampire myths/legends/lore. I'm a bit of a vampire aficionado myself, and reading this was very, very refreshing.

I loved the twist you put on Eldred and Sanguini's relationship, and the ending was certainly a shocker!! All in all, this is just another OUTSTANDING piece of work, and I definitely see why it won Story of the Month! GREAT job!

Out of 10, this gets a 1,000,000,000!

Author's Response: JAYDE!!! ♡ ♡ ♡

ERH THANK YOU FOR THIS REVIEW! WHERE DO I EVEN...

Thank you SO much; your comments, just askjdhlcu I can't even say anything coherent. It really means SO MUCH to me, your review, especially since you said you're a vampire afficionado. I don't know a lot about vampire lore, so I'm glad you found this refreshing! And glad you loved the monologue style and the description and the sad relationship between Eldred/Sanguini. :(

THANK YOU AGAIN JAYDE! I'll get down to answering your questions ASAP! Thanks again, lovely!

♡ teh


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Review #5, by Penelope Inkwell The Vampire Monologues

30th November 2013:
Oh my gosh, teh. That was...

Entrancing.

Itís the only word I can really think for it. Thereís a sort of hypnotic quality. Every word is so perfectly chosen. Itís really just...beautiful.

Normally I do favorite quotes, but I donít even know *what* to quote. I couldnít possibly pick. Youíd look in your reviews and find your whole story pasted in here. And the wandering nature of the thoughts--even before he explains the slow erosion of his mind, itís there for you to see. Itís constant, and sort of subtle, but the fact that his mind is going is just *there* in the back of it all, in how his words flow, and itís amazing. The whole thing is just...incredible. I really donít know how you did it, but I need to come back to this every time Iím looking to create a beautiful, dark, mysterious tone and hope that maybe some of it will come to me through osmosis. I think I have goosebumps. Yep. I do. That was just...wow.

Iím usually a bit more coherent, but thereís nothing else I can say about this. You have rendered me speechless, incapable of further comment, aside from informing you, once again, that this is beautifully--gorgeously--written.

Thank you for the story.

--Penny

Author's Response: PENNY! ♥

Oh my gosh, thank /YOU/ for this phenomenal review! And such an unexpected one, too! Ah, my entire weekend (and the rest of my life) has been made! Your comments really mean so much to me, especially coming from such a talented writer like you!

Aww, I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! Yeah, Sanguini's narration is looong and rambly at points, and he does digress a bit; glad you picked up on that! He's been alive for such a long time, and while he remains unchanged, physically, untouched by time, the same cannot be said for his mental state. Sigh, living forever does have its price. And it really gratifies me to hear that the tone left such an impact on you; I did want this to have a slightly darker tone, without being too angsty. But maybe it is angsty, I dunno. Hmmm...

Thank you once again for this amazing review, Penny! ♥ ♥

-teh


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Review #6, by patronus_charm The Vampire Monologues

17th November 2013:
Hey teh! Here for the review exchange! All I can really think right now is sdofijweofn. This piece seriously blew my mind it was just so amazing/awe worthy/inspiring/awesome, gah, you really are such a fantastic writer and every time I read something of yours I think nah it canít top what I last read by her but it always does! I donít even know where to start so if this seems like aimless ramblings Iím sorry!

The Twilight references made me cry with laughter, they were just brilliant! At first I sort of noticed but I just thought it was a coincidence but the way you made David/Sanguini a Diggory is really what did it for me, poor old Cedric though, he never seemed happy as a vampire. Then the introduction of Selena Mayflower and how she enjoyed stealing vampire stories especially the one of the girl jumping off the cliff was another brilliant addition. I think the fact that you also weaved them in quite a subtle is what was really good because they all snuck up on me.

Davidís (Iíll stick with that as he prefers it) narration was really good too, with the way we changed the time period shortly after starting then returning to the end after gave me a full and complete sense of his life. Seriously, next time I read the Half-Blood Prince I will forever view his couple of pages appearance in a different way.

His love story with Eldred was just so cute, adorable and a whole pile of ♥ ♡ They were really suited to one another because they had this selfish element to them because even though they loved one another there were things they both wanted which essentially made their relationship such as the blood, sex and the facts for the books. But then they had this weird understanding of them breaking this taboo of mixed species relationships and the whole element of that was great.

I was sad to see how they both changed throughout with Eldred trying to get David to change his whole name and persona, and then Eldred becoming more desperate for Davidís affection and David for the blood and Eldred looking young. The great thing about it was that it had this comedic element to it too so even though it was really sad to see their relationship decaying it still gave me a chance to giggle at Davidís descriptions of Eldred.

I have to admit, I thought David was going to kill Eldred at the end for going all old and flobbery. When he approached the neck and was going to bite from it I was pretty close to yelling at my laptop for him to back away but luckily he didnít. One small note about that, I really liked how you showed that Eldredís personality aged with him no longer being care free and chilled out but old and frantic but David was still like how he was before suggesting that their personality doesnít age either.

When David met his creator it gave me a whole number of feels. Perhaps itís a sign of what heís about to come now that heís left human civilisation and will end up being like those wild vampires such as Victoria from Twilight. Itís really interesting to ponder that and also cough a chance for a sequel cough.

Ah a Creevey turns up in another story! Ah! I did not expect that at all, and it was a great plot twist! Is this the new Eldred for Sanguini? If so pretty please can we have a sequel? Anyhow teh, this was just a fantastic one-shot and gah, Iím so jealous of your writing talents as theyíre so brilliantly amazing. ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! ♥

ahlsjkdhsasd your review alsdlhkjs

Right I'll do my best to answer this as sanely as possibly. :P

TWILIGHT. YES. Oh dear, I can NEVER be fully serious when writing vampires anymore! Not when there's so much Twilight floating around in pop culture! I ♥ TWILIGHT, by the way. Bahaha! Oh, I think you're the only reviewer who got all the Twilight references, from the Diggory bit *snicker* to the girl jumping off the cliff. I just...honestly, I couldn't help it. I tried to be more serious, but TWILIGHT. Oh my life. CEDRIC DIGGORY'S ANCESTOR IS A VAMPIRE YAY.

Glad you picked up on the selfish elements of the David/Eldred relationship! It's not the best of relationships, and I initially wanted to write something a little nicer, a little fluffier with a happier ending, but then...I thought of Twilight and went nah. Vampires can't have everything so easy; I refuse to allow it :P And yay, black humour! I'm so glad you found elements of their relationship comedic!

Yeah, it was probably quite obvious that the relationship was going to go wrong at some point. I'm a little surprised myself at how long Sanguini chose to stay with Eldred. David's age along with his looks are meant to be somewhat ambiguous in this fic (although OK, not anymore, since I used a Twilight vampire on my banner...couldn't resist. I would have used Edward Cullen but it would just have looked like Cedric Diggory.)

AHAHAHA Dennis. I have to confess...I /do/ have a oneshot sequel floating in my brain, actually :P But if I ever do get down to writing it, it will be from Dennis' POV. I think I've written enough of Sanguini's voice in first person for the time being. I dunno, his fate is somewhat sealed, isn't it? At least to me. :(

Thank you for this brilliant review, Kiana! Absolutely made my day! ♥ ♥

teh


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Review #7, by Lululuna The Vampire Monologues

14th November 2013:
Hello teh! :) I'm here to review your entry to my challenge, thank you so much for entering! And wow, where can I start with this lovely work of art?!

Okay, at the beginning. I love the format of Sanguini addressing the boy he meets at the bar and how it turns out to be Dennis (but I'll get to that later). The direct address to the reader as Dennis was really powerful and drew me into the story right away. Already at the beginning the story is full of contrasts, like noticing the pictures of medieval scenes which are decorations in the pub but, for Sanguini, possibly a reflection of things he has actually seen in his long life.

The setting of the scene in the pub was so powerful in establishing Sanguini as this eloquent, mysterious and slightly dangerous character- the way he approaches Dennis is almost like a hunter, though also with this internalized need to be liked and to tell his story. The narrative device of the character wanting to express what has happened to them is one that I love in novels and would love to see more of in FF as it's very intimate and poetic.

I'm not sure if you chose the rather ordinary name David deliberately or not, but I thought it was an excellent choice that could be read to fit in well with the theme of the mind deteriorating and reason coming and going in favour of instinct while the body remains stagnant. In the traditional source of the name David, as in David and Goliath, David defeats the stronger and more beastly Goliath using reason, and this battle is sort of like the internal struggle Sanguini faces as his mind ages and he comes closer to being more like the vampire who turned him. Anyway, this was slightly off-topic but since I've already typed this strange reading of the name I'll leave it here (forgive me, I've been analyzing poetry all day, okay? :P)

Anyway, back to Sanguini himself. I was really impressed with how you tied in canon and wizarding lore here. I was quite excited when you chose Sanguini for the challenge to see how you would integrate him and he seemed to fit into canon really smoothly. The idea of him and Eldred being lovers and Eldred was so creative and poetic and tragic, and fit with Eldred writing about him at Slughorn's party. Dennis was a great subject to receive the story since we don't know much about him other than that he was quite like Colin and would have been quite saddened after his death, which fit him in well. I liked the description of Dennis' skinny elbow a lot too.

It was really interesting seeing Eldred age over the years and I feel like he was such a well-rounded, realistic character to me and provided an interesting contrast with Sanguini's cool commentary. Eldred's humanity is so tangible: his sweat and disheveled appearance when they first meet, his smell and age and deterioration when he's older, even the slightly pompous and controlling attitude. I felt quite sad for both parties when Sanguini killed him, though I was sort of expecting some accident to happen eventually.

Sanguini's quest for identity here is very poignant: how Eldred creates an identify for him, how he turns into this sort of wandering vagabond longing to tell his own story and have a true sense of self and bearing his obsession with names. Despite his inevitable violence, I think Sanguini was an enthralling character here: his politeness and sense of being a guest when thanking Eldred, his desire to find out about the vampire who turned him. This scene was very unique as well: his desire to know about who turned him was sort of like a child looking for its birth parents. Instead, seeing the vampire is like a reflection of what he could become, not a reconciliation or truth about himself- that was so clever.

I enjoyed how vampires weren't invincible in this. Stories where vampires are overly powerful seem a little irrational to me since if that was the case and vampires were real, why wouldn't they just eat and control all the humans and have done with it? Here they were a lot more believable in the context of the wizarding world and a refreshing take on the fictional vampire. :)

You have a lot of beautiful imagery and language here and I would quote some back but the remaining characters are dangerously low. I really loved this story and think it fit my challenge perfectly, and gave some beautiful insight to a character who I never would have questioned, giving him a story and a voice like he so craves in this narrative. Lovely job with this! :D

Author's Response: Hello Jenna!!

First, thank you so much for awarding me second place in your awesome challenge; I'm truly honoured that you thought so highly of this story of mine, which had been sitting in my head for a good many months, clamouring to be written. And thanks for holding the challenge, because I finally got all my ideas out onto paper (or a computer screen!)

Thank you for this amazing detailed and ever so perceptive review! ♥

I am so glad you picked up on the predatory manner that Sanguini approached Dennis! The ending of this story is left open; some readers think that Dennis and Sanguini /may/ start a relationship, but there are possibly more sinister implications judging by Sanguini's selfishness among other things...maybe.

That is a VERY good analysis of the name David! You're NOT off-topic at all, because in the longer and unedited version of this fic, I did include an allusion to the David/Goliath story, and I'm so, so pleased that you made the connection, even though I erased that bit (it was a bit extraneous to the rest of the story and I was trying to shorten things). But apart from that, I did deliberately choose such a common name as David on purpose. It's a very unvampiric name, but it is a lot more realistic name than...I dunno...Sanguini. :P

I'm glad you found Eldred a well-rounded and realistic character! I was a little worried about him; I'm usually worried about the minor characters in my stories, whether they're getting enough development, whether they're convincing enough etc. So thanks for that lovely comment on Eldred! I was really torn about Eldred being killed off. If I was going to rewrite this fic, I wouldn't have him killed at all; I would just have Sanguini walk away and no more drama - don't know how that will turn out, though.

Yeah, the identity of the vampire is one of the things I wanted to convey with this fic. There are references to other vampire narratives / portrayals in popular media; when I was writing about vampires, I felt that I couldn't ignore all the history of their depictions, and so I set out to write my own interpretation of the vampire. Many vampire narratives actually do this: debunk certain myths and confirm others. I decided to strip away all the glamour (OK pun intended) of contemporary vampire portrayals (*cough Twilight), and really think about the implications of 'immortality' and the possible effects on a human mind. The physical body (of vampire and human) is also quite a significant motif.

And I'm SO glad you thought my vampire version fit into the context of the wizarding world!!

Yay! Thank you once again for this amazing review, Jenna! i really enjoyed participating in your challenge! ♥ ♥

-teh


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Review #8, by Rumpelstiltskin The Vampire Monologues

12th November 2013:
I am here from the review tag forum.

One of the things that I love most about review tag is that it enables me to invest time in some very interesting stories. It is no secret that I am a fan your style of writing so it is a pleasure to have the opportunity to read another one of your fics.

The first thing that caught my attention was the perspective. Obviously the story is in a first person point of view but it almost seems as though you are using this to introduce a more limited second-person perspective in the beginning (and directly at the end). The use of the word "you" is assisting in making the story more personal and less neutral.

This stood out to me for a number of reasons. The first is that this is the first story where the first-person narrative is not speaking directly to the reader or addressing nobody in particular. Instead the narrative is addressing this second person but not with the use of "he" or "she" but rather with the use of the word "you". The second reason is that, for once, the "you" that is being used has a clear disconnection from the reader. What I mean is that the reader does not feel as they are being targeted here as the "you" is clearly a second person, identified as such. Finally, I have seen many second-person perspectives fail BECAUSE they target the reader. As I have said, the detachment allows for a rather impersonal and unbiased relationship between reader and second person ("you"/Dennis). I found your ability to do all of this is quite brilliant (and Rumpel is very jealous).

Another think I found noticeable also involved the perspective. Typically, in a first-person narrative, the use of colloquialism is an indicator of the character's personality, speech-patterns, or scale of emotions. You have introduced hints of colloquialism into some very strong formal writing. Often I have found other people's attempts at this (including my own) conclude in flaccid writing that usually results in disorderly, not methodical portrayals of characters. This regularly causes the character's attributes to become uncertain to the reader and the insertion of the informal terms often comes across as unnatural and interrupts flow. The effectiveness of how you melded the two together, however, was masterful. It takes great skill to do this, in my opinion, and it really assisted the revelation of Sanguini's personality.

There are just so many beautiful lines, so many wonderfully executed devices, and so many fantastically written events/moments/scenes that I can comment on that it is impossible to pick just a few :(. Decidedly I will just make a quick synopsis of the plot before moving on to my favorite (which is equally impossible to decide, mind you).

Okay, the plot. Wow, where do I begin? You take us through Sanguini's history with some beautiful pieces of imagery. I mean, "entombed in bedrock...blind dark things of subsoil" is a line that is just too pretty. Actually, among others, the entire paragraph there is quite breathtaking with its descriptors.

Furthermore, the ability to create such sensuality in just a few sentences is outstanding. You STILL maintain your main point of describing the nature of vampires in that scene between Sanguini and Eldred, though I may have been a bit caught up in the actions of the scene :). The passion associated with drinking blood had been noted in many of the mythological and fantastical tales of vampires, but never have I seen anything quite so...hot. This line especially, "drag is moist mouth...arch of his body" gave me chills. What is more striking is that the scene is, just as I said, sensual. It's tasteful, slightly morbid (which I loved) and didn't make me blush furiously under silly double entendres. You never crossed that line into slightly uncomfortable. It was just, well, hot (and I apologize for not being able to move passed that word, but that is the best description I can find for it). That being said, I just want to mention that I found Sanguini and Eldred's relationship lovely and it was written exquisitely.

I'd better move on before I get all caught up in that scene...it's probably for everybody's benefit :).

Okay, my favorite. Instead of wading though all of the fabulous possibilities, making my decision extremely difficult, I decided to pick the line that made me laugh. Here is is "'You need a more striking name than David,' Eldred told me. 'I canít go around introducing you as David.'" The idea of a vampire named David was extremely humorous to me. It reminded me of a part in M.T. Anderson's "Thirsty" where the main character receives a guide, of sorts, to help him through his vamprism. The guide's name was a pattern of thought that could not be perceived by the main character. Thus he was known as Chet, the celestial being. So, that really appealed to me. I'm not sure why I find David, the Vampire, so funny, but I did.

I've spent a long time pacing, re-reading, writing and erasing to try and give you a review deserving of this story. I know that I did not succeed but hopefully this made some difference. This story was amazing.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello Rumpel!! ♥

LOL LOL! Feel free to continue being 'all caught up in /that/ scene'!!! It gave me a great deal of amusement, reading your comments about /that/ scene; also, it made me cry with joy that someone likes my sex-scene writing. OK, to be honest, I found that bit extremely difficult to write because I can never keep a straight face with writing anything that warrants a Scenes of a Sexual Nature warning. But it had to be done for this story, and so I'm only glad that I was able to pull myself together and try to be a bit more serious. (It always feels wrong for me to write about my characters' sex lives; I dunno, it feels like I'm getting too personal with them - though this isn't necessarily a bad thing, I guess - but it /had/ to be done in this fic, it had to be, it had...). Actually, OMG, I myself am getting all caught up in that scene.

Let's move on.

Have I thanked you for this absolutely smashing review that left me flabbbergasted? THANK YOU SO MUCH ♥ I'm glad you like the POV of this; it's actually simple first person, but it's a monologue addressing Dennis Creevey, and I was hoping it would work, and so far I've received some positive feedback on the POV, so I'm quite happy. And I'm glad and ever so relieved to hear that Sanguini's voice is consistent. I was considering making his speech completely formal, but it just...didn't sound right to me. He sounded too stilted, and it's not like he's some elegant Renaissance vampire or something...I mean, he probably is, seeing as he was born in the 1700s or so, but he's led a cave-like existence instead of one immersed in all the arts and culture of society etc. etc. etc. Anyway, I just wanted him to speak with a realistic voice; he would have picked up some 21st century phrases and such. I'm glad you thought the colloquial and the formal parts of his narration worked well together!

Yes, David is the most ridiculous name for a vampire! I AGREE. I still can't think of him as David, which is what confirmed my decision to name him as such. The incongruity of it! But it's a far more realistic name than...say...Sanguini. :P

Thank you once again, Rumpel! The thought that you re-read this story in order to give such a wonderful review is just so amazing and I love you for that. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. ♥

-teh


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Review #9, by MissesWeasley123 The Vampire Monologues

2nd November 2013:
Uhm, teh, can you like pls not?
stahp the perfection.
or teachh meeeh.

Seriously ♥ I love it. LURRRVE IT. Your writing is so worth of envy and praise and just - awe. It's perfect, the way you write is absolutely like words in motion. When you write, they dance and just show such beauty.

Next Dobbies I am so nominating this. Giving you a heads up.

This was literal poetry. Some parts even rhymed! Haha, but seriously, teach me how to write like this.

Now I don't want to finish my entry because you've won, teh, you've won. I will hunt Jenna down if she doesn't declare this as the winner.

Now let me quote some awesomeness:

Firewhiskey? It's as bland as ditchwater to me -- Such perfection. As soon as I read this in the beginning, I just knew this was going to be amazing.

I suppose you haven't been listening. You've hardly moved, even though your face is slack and you're really putting your weight on that elbow of yours. But you're strong, you're resilient, you're beyond caring. I wonder why I'm telling you so much - truth or not. I suppose it is precisely because I know you aren't listening; you can't, not in this state.

The style you wrote this entire piece in, and that part specifically, was so unique. I just loved this piece so much.

Sanguini was superb. Superb. The idea was so amazing. You played with his name and just wielded him in such a mesmerizing way, I loved it. And Dennis! ♥

Eldred's inclusion was such a subtle nod to canon, and I loved it teh. What can I say? This piece is like no other.

Keep on writing wonderfully ♥

P.S. You better teach me.
P.P.S. I'm favouriting this.

Author's Response: NADIA!! ♥

FLAILING at your amazing review here! *sobs* Thank you!! It's amazing to see that my writitng has elicited such a strong positive response from you. Ugh, I don't even know how to thank you for your amazing amazing comments. (I didn't realise that some parts of this story rhymed! They were probably unintentional, though, unfortunately :P )

I'm really happy with my placing in the challenge and I'm glad the others liked this piece as well; it's just something I've wanted to write since forever - exploring vampires in the HP-verse through the character of Sanguini, and really, I'm so glad that you enjoyed this and favourited! *hugssquishesglomps*

I'm glad you quoted that second set of lines toward the end of the fic; I really enjoyed writing them, too, and I'm quite proud of them! And I'm glad you liked the way I played around with his name...because, seriously, a vampire named /Sanguini/? I just had to! :P

AHAHAH DENNIS LOL. The things I put him through. And yet I'm still far from through with him.

Awww, Nadia, thank you! You're a fantastic writer in your own right, so I'm so pleased you liked this so much! ♥ ♥

-teh


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Review #10, by marauderfan The Vampire Monologues

2nd November 2013:
Teh! Wow, this is really great! What a perfect Halloween story. (And I can't believe I'm even attempting to compete with something this good in the unexpected voice challenge :p )

I love the chapter title. The Vampire Monologues- fabulous. :p But I really like the way you wrote it as a monologue directly to the reader, or as we find out, Dennis! (Aw, Dennis! I love how you incorporate him in so many stories - I feel like you've given him such a personality and I think he's a great character the way you write him! But I'm getting sidetracked.)

One of the best things about this piece is the way you incorporated the imagery - there were so many blood or body-themed descriptions that set the tone so well - like "a jaundiced glow over the trees", or "clean as picked bones". It's perfect. Not only is it easy to imagine and see it vividly, but it also fits in with the narrator's experience and view of the world.

Also, congrats on writing a new type of vampire, I really like the way you interpreted their mythology! My only experience of vampire stories is the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which has superpower vampires that aren't in control of their desire to kill. And the vampires in your story are forgetful, static, apathetic. It's such a contrast and yet it works so well! Now that I think about it, I honestly don't know how superpowers could last 400 years, and the idea of the mentally deteriorating vampire seems more logical, in a way! Anyway, cool interpretation.

I also thought it was interesting what you did with Sanguini/David's relationship with Eldred Worple, and how that changed over time. The more Eldred embellished Sanguini's character, the less Sanguini cared about anything, until he became a nobody in the woods again, content to be a forgetful recluse. Poor vampires.

P.S. I happened to notice that "Selenia Mayflower" has the same initials as another vampire/human romance novelist, coincidence? :P I appreciated that subtle jab at Twilight :D

Great work on this, teh!

Author's Response: KRISTIN!! ♥

Gaaah, thank you for this phenomenal review! Honestly, it just made my day - all your lovely compliments and your sharp commentary on the narrative! (I will also have to stop by and read your Reg Cattermole story; congrats on doing so well in the challenge, by the way!)

Ah. It appears that you're the only reviewer who got the reference in the chapter title. :P I've actually not seen/heard the play I took the title from (I'm not sure I can say the title...is it 12+???), but ah well, couldn't resist! :P AHAHAHA DENNIS!! That's me...being stupid. Also, I can't resist making Dennis suffer; he's just asking for it. Muaha. Now that I think about it, I think you're the only reviewer who has read all my stories containing Dennis Creevey in it; there aren't many, but more are probably on the way :P

Thank you for pointing out the body-themed descriptions! You're right on target! I made a big deal about the physical body in this story, especially the differences between the vampire and the human body, without referring too much to how the characters actually looked like; it's one of the aspects of vampirism that I decided to explore. Contemporary vampires are all about good looks and superspeed and amazing bodies/body modifications. So I wanted to expand on that a bit. Certainly, Sanguini's vampire body is durable; it is the one thing that grants him immortality, and he too pays close attention to bodies, especially to Eldred's changing physicality. Though of course, I can't say the same for their mental conditions. Somehow I thought it would be funny if you could live forever physically, but your mind wouldn't be able to take it...so you just go mad. Poor vampires? Hmmm...maybe. :P

MUAHAHA SELENIA MAYFLOWER. YES. (It was not a subtle jab at all. I don't suppose you're familiar with the Twilight stuff since you only mentioned Buffy, but if you were, you might be able to pick up a few other things here and there.)

THANK YOU, KRISTIN! ♥ *hugs*

-teh


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Review #11, by milominderbinder The Vampire Monologues

2nd November 2013:
Ho. Ly. Wow.

I mean. Just. Wow. This was incredible. I am genuinely honoured to have this as an entry to my challenge. Your writing is sublime. This is somehow exactly the kind of story I most love.

I have so many favourite lines, but here's a few:

No? Let me give you a hint. Look. These are my teeth. The incisors and the molars you've seen before. But the cuspids, oh, you're surprised by them. Thin spikes. My dentition is iconic, mythic. For perforating skin and flesh and tapping into the listless vein bobbing in the necks of living things, for drawing out the fluid within.

^This honestly sounds like a Sylvia Plath poem in and of itself.

I'm of the nocturnal persuasion, you see. During the day, I prefer to sleep in the cool ground, entombed in the bedrock along with all the blind dark things of the subsoil, away from the sunlit world.

^This is just incredibly beautiful imagery, and I also love the flow of Sanguini's speech in that first sentence of it, he sounds so teasing, I can just picture him drawing out all the syllables and raising an eyebrow.

The years have worn my thoughts thin, sometimes I lose any sense of awareness. I flicker in and out of conscious existence, of the madness of being.

^This is such an incredibly fresh take on the vampire myth, and I adore it. Vampires are always portrayed as such superhuman creatures, and I love what you said in your author's note and in this part, about making a kind of vampire that's essentially more useless, de-romanticising them in a way. Even if your writing wasn't as beautiful as it is, that original portrayal of vampires would still make this a pleasure to read.

Shall we begin, at last?

^Short and sweet, this is the perfect transition between sections, readying the audience for him to tell his story. I love the juxtaposition of concepts; beginning and end, at last, it's incredibly powerful.

What is the night to you? It is a raw, living thing.

^Again, this honestly sounds like something Sylvia Plath would write. The personification of night, the idea that Sanguini sees it as something different to regular people. I love it, and it also says a lot about him.

All of you prefer to wrap yourself with those tedious, excessively histrionic and completely unrealistic vampire mythologies fabricated by your own kind. Well, things aren't as exciting, I'm afraid. Most vampires register with the Being Division at the Ministry to gain access to the blood banks.

^Again, an original and fresh take on life for a vampire, and a debunking and de-romanticising of the typical vampire myth. I love it.

I liked my name. I still do; it's one of the less contrived things about myself.

^I love how self aware Sanguini is. He's not so pretentious, even though he comes across like it in the public eye because of Eldred. He's once again really challenging the vampire stereotype with being humble and not entertaining delusions of grandeur simply because of his age.

And in the sky, the moon, splinter-thin like a smile. It is young. As are you and I, for now.

^Wow. What an amazing last line. A fantastic way to link to the Sylvia Plath quote I gave you, because again, it sounds almost like something she would write. I love how it ends on an ambiguous note, looking forwards and showing that this isn't the end of Sanguini's story, at all, he's still got a long way to go. Just like the moon.

Wow, okay, that was so many quotes and this review is getting too long so I can't say everything I really want to. Some other quick things then: I adore the use of direct address, it makes this whole thing feel incredibly intense as he is talking directly at the reader, engaging them in the story. I love how you portrayed his relationships. I loved the dynamic between him and Eldred, that strange sense of each of them slightly controlling the other. I love how at the end the person he was talking to turned out to be Dennis Creevey - it's not something I was expecting at all but it was a great way of tying the story into the canon universe even more, plus everything you wrote about Dennis really lines up with how I'm sure he'd be after his brother's death. I wish we could know more about the relationship between Dennis and Sanguini, what happens with it and where it goes!

Basically, just know that this story is incredible. I thought you really incorporated the tone and style of the quote without being restricted by taking its meaning at face value, which is what I was really encouraging people do with my challenge. This is also by far the best entry I have read for the Unexpected Voice challenge, in my opinion! I'm entered in that challenge too and I would be honored to lose to this.

I am favoriting this and will definitely be reading it again! Good luck with both challenges, and well done :)

~Maia

Author's Response: Maia!

So I STILL don't know how to respond to this review; I've tried to do so several times, but just gave up and delayed responding and now it's the end of November and I have no excuse.

First, thank you, thank you and thank you! :D ♥ I'm honestly so flattered that you enjoyed this story so much; I had this idea of writing Sanguini for many many months, and I wasn't actually sure if many people would enjoy reading this sort of vampire story. I did try to deviate from the usual depiction of vampires in YA urban fantasy and such, and OK, I had lots of fun with Twilight because I can't think of vampires without some reference to Twilight. I've never particularly liked all the superpowers modern vampires seem to have: superspeed, super good looks, glamour, ability to I dunno influence dreams etc. Not to mention immortality. I've deliberately kept Sanguini's appearance quite vague, and his age as well; I don't /think/ there are parts in this story where I'm specific about those aspects of him.

I'm just so glad you found my portrayal of vampires original! There are just so many depictions of them in contemporary media, and they just seem to be getting increasingly popular. So naturally, when I started writing Sanguini, it just made sense to address other vampire narratives/depictions in pop culture, and to try and situate the figure of the vampire within the Harry Potter world.

I LOVE how you picked out your favourite quotes from the story...always love it when reviewers do that! It's extremely gratifying, and it also helps me identify which parts of my own writing are more successful than others, which are the bits which resonate, leave an impact etc. I'm also glad you found parts of the language similar to Sylvia Plath's writing; it's been years and years since I read any of her work, though I did read the poem 'Edge' just to get a better sense of the quote you assigned me with.

The Eldred/Sanguini is certainly not the best of relationships :P There is certainly a power dynamic between them both, which shifts with the course of their relationship, and it is associated very closely with the physical body.

As for Dennis Creevey lol, that's just me being silly. Dennis Creevey pops up a bit in some of my stories; I'm just fond of including him here and there. I might consider writing a companion piece to this through Dennis' POV, though of course it will be markedly different from this story, in terms of style.

Thank you once again for your fabulous review, Maia! Thanks for holding such an awesome challenge; I'm really honoured to receive such compliments and I'm glad you enjoyed this. ♥

-teh


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Review #12, by fanda The Vampire Monologues

1st November 2013:
excellent. really, really excellent. hope ya win the challenge or whatever if, you can win (idk)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! ♥

-teh


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