Reading Reviews for Under a Dementor's Cloak
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MissesWeasley123 The End

6th January 2014:
Hello there Cannons! This is for day 11 of the 12 Days of reviewing!

This is definitely one of your darker pieces! I think the reason why the mood came across so well is because of the use of first person. You really managed to get into Alecto's head, which is a very dark place.

Dumbledore was so interesting, which was nice. He's a very hard character to write but you got him down to the very last detail! I thoroughly enjoyed him in this. He was both frustrating but just so, so brilliant and a pleasure to read.

The whole pensieve thing was very well written as well :)

Anyways, really excellent work. This is some of your later work, right? I can see that you're getting better by the day. That's amazing, and is honestly all that matters.

Thanks for another great piece! It's always a pleasure reading your stuff :)

Author's Response: Hey,

sorry it has taken me so long to respond to this awesome review :D

I'm pleased that you thought it worked well in first person, I found it much easier then third when writing this one shot.

Haha so happy that you thought I wrote Dumbledore ok because I have to admit, I was a little worried about that.

Yeah, thanks for noticing! :D I like improvement so I hope it keeps up.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #2, by BLONDEbehaviour The End

22nd December 2013:
Hey Cannons! I am here with your review for the challenge :D

This was definitely an interesting read, a bit of a difference in writing style from the other stories I have read of yours. I like in particular how you have decided to write first person in this story. I think for the style and the character, who we know little about, it works well. It gives us a great insight into her ideas and opinions firsthand instead of a onlookers approach.

Which brings me on to my next squee, your portrayal of Alecto. I think it's excellent. I was dubious about putting Alecto and her brother in my challenge, because they are some of the death eaters that we know absolutely nothing of, apart from their love for pain. But you did a great job in taking what little you knew of her and creating not only a story about that character, but a story based wholly on that characters past.

The idea of creating a sociopath at such a young age shows the corruption of a young mind and the situation in which they grew up and the lifelong consequences that can have on one person. You made it perfectly clear in this story, with Alecto not feeling anywhere near as much remorse for her actions as one should feel. Slicing a house elfs leg while commanding it to stay and killing a baby. shows a whole different stage of evil doesn't it? Truly horrific.

I think you also made Dumbedore an interesting character. The idea of having him as a gateholder to the next world, a Wizard St. Peter if you will was quite a neat twist. And the use of the dementors as punishment, I think that was a great idea.. how did you come up with that!? It was quite an interesting concept to think about once I had read it, and made me wonder if that is really true? It definitely would make a lot of sense for that to happen. Hopefully after 500 years Alecto sees the error of her ways, though I do not think that would ever happen.

My only CC, which is purely for suggestive purposes as I do not think it NEEDS to be included, is perhaps a bit of a memory based on Alecto's parents? Perhaps to see if some of her behavior and personality is based off their influence?

A great story, I enjoyed it alot. I think it was written well and was gripping in a way that really makes you understand the madness of a Death Eater and what it must take to be in that situation. I thank you so much for entering my competition, and wish you the best of the luck for when the results are released! :D

Grace :D

Author's Response: Hi Grace! Sorry this has taken me so long to get too. This was such a fun challenge and I'm so pleased that I came second :D I totally didn't expect it.

I thought first person worked well for the initial idea I had and I went from there, I think the fact that we don't know much about Alecto worked in my favour as I was able to sculpt her past a little.

Going back and reading it now, it seems defiantly darker and more intense then when I was writing it. Especially the part with the house elf.

The idea of using the dementors as a punishment just came to me as I was writing it which was pretty lucky :D The only thing I don't like about it is the 500 years, I should have put more thought in to the numbers.

I love your CC and I can't believe I didn't think of something like that.

Thanks so much for your inspiring challenge and this review. I loved them both!

Cannons!



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Review #3, by ReeBee The End

4th December 2013:
Hi! ReeBee here with the requested review!! I'm sorry it took so long! Hopefully the reasonably long review will make up for it :)

Firstly, Oh my god! Honestly, this was amazing! I normally don't read dark/horror or any death eater stories, but this was worth it! I don't know how u did it, the idea of the dementor punishment, Alecto's memories and everything else was an amazing figment of your imagination! Like, legit, I'm so jealous!

Your characterisation was very well done! I don't like it when people introduce the protagonist in long paragraphs that immediately give out every single bit of information about the main character, and this didn't do that! Gah! You introduced her personality perfectly; through small "I normally didn't do this…" types of sentences. Good work :)

The description was immaculate! Like seriously, I could imagine everything, this maybe due to the fact that I've watched the movies, but the parts that aren't from the movies, I can imagine those perfectly :D

And don't worry about believability at all. It was fine. The only CC I have is Dumbledore altering her memories sounds a bit off to me. But, it helps your story progress, so don't worry about that :) And the only other thing was Dumbledore seemed to enjoy her reminiscing a bit too much with the grins, I would just imagine a wise smile or something like that. But, that doesn't affect anything else, so its not a big problem, either.

The only CC I've got about flow is that her thoughts were a bit abrupt. Like when she found herself almost regretting the things she did at certain points. I think that u could have included a bit more conflicting views. Like how much she enjoyed it, and a little part of her saying that it was wrong, then again thinking about why she thought it was wrong. If that makes sense… I know u explained the abruptness with the spell, but that too could have been a bit more descriptive; the exact things that the spell does.

I also want to congratulate u on the title! It's amazing! Total fore shadowing that u don't realise until the end! Awesome job! I really liked this one shot! Good job!

Feel free to rerequest with anything else :)

-ReeBee

Author's Response: Hi ReeBee!

Hope your good!

Don't worry about it taking a bit, I know how it is and you got here in the end, so all's well!

Ok I seriously don't know how to respond to your first paragraph. I'm speechless. Seriously you thought it was amazing? Wow that is such a boost to my ego :D (what ego... -.- ) Nahh, I'm only messing. Thanks very much, I'm pleased you liked the idea behind the Dementor.

Thank you for saying I did the characterisation well. I really wasn't sure how people would view Alecto and if she was acting believably or not.

:o more compliments I could get used to this...why thank you!

Thank you for all your CC, it is very helpful. I know what you mean about Dumledore enjoying it to much.

That's a great point you make, although I wanted her thoughts not to come across to well thought out and clear since she doesn't really have a clue what's going on, but I can defiantly go back and see what I can edit to improve it!

I was worried that it was going to be totally obvious what was going to happen from the title so it's good to see that you only understand the title in the end!

Thanks so much for the review, if I come across acting weirdly it's because I have no idea how to respond to praise. Your CC was also helpful so thanks.

Cannons


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Review #4, by Rose Wilts The End

29th November 2013:
Hello there! It's Rose Wilts here (obviously haha).

I think the premise of this story is just so interesting, so well done! You had me intrigued right from the start. I'm not sure if it's what you were intending, but I love the notion that Dumbledore may now be some sort of guide between one world and the other. Either way, whatever was happening was interesting!

As for your characterisation of Dumbledore, I think you did a really great job. He's a tricky character to write - making him the right amount of fruity and wise is hard, but I think you were well in tune with his peculiarities and speech patterns. One thing to be wary of is repeating lines that work well too often, for example "ok then, we can continue". The first time I read it, I was really impressed by the Dumbledore-ness of the line, but second time round it seems like you've become stumped. Other than that, great work with Dumbledore!

Wow, is this how dementors are 'born'? Because if so, that's such an amazing idea. I think the ending is certainly believable, though for it to seem even more plausible, the whole story could be fleshed out a little more. You have so much to explore; Alecto's remorse, Dumbledore's ability to use magic, how he came to be there, the dementor backstory. But really, not fleshing that out hasn't effected things much. I think it's such an interesting idea and you've delivered it really well! GREAT JOB x

Author's Response: Hey Rose, that made me laugh...obviously :P

I'm pleased you liked the idea for the story. I did want Dumbledore to come across as a guide between one world and another. :D

I did a great job with Dumbledore? wow. I'll have a look at that repeated line, it was unintentional :)

I don't think we know how dementors are 'born' but I really liked this idea :P I would love to know the real version though!

Thanks for the review anyway, you've been very helpful!


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Review #5, by toomanycurls The End

27th November 2013:
Hello!!

Oh wow, I quite like the premise for this story. :D

Dumbledore is the wizarding St. Peter - that's quite awesome.

The way you write Alecto trying to understand her surroundings is incredible. She's confusing and trying to fiegure out exactly what's going on. I like her attempt to assess reality by wondering if she's really herself. Man, what a trip.

Are the suffering people all the witches and wizards she's killed? That would be a horrific thing to meet at her death.

Dumbledore is awesome in this. He's just the perfect combination of frustrating and brilliant.

I'm quite surprised Alecto is flinching at her own memories. They were quite dark and I imagine it's not fun to watch the worst moments of her life.

O.o the scene with the house elf is just so violent and twisted. My real reaction that involved a few words i can't type in a review. I do like how you use the common sign of a person becoming a sociopath of harming a defenseless creature in their youth to start off on Alecto's crazed life.

The muggle child bit was just as bad for me. You include just the right details for me to feel horrified but not so much that I can't read on.

Ah, altering her mind did make sense. I mean, she didn't recognize her own reactions and thoughts at the beginning. That was quite a smart move. I'm sure otherwise the memories would have been a treat.

Woah. I never thought about where demenetors come from before and this is such an incredibly horrific and yet awesome explanation.

I really admire your writing. Each story I read of yours shows such vast improvement in narrative ability and how you weild words. You have such a strong voice and anything you write hits me quite hard.

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi Rose, how are you :P

Dumbledore is awesome! I'm glad you liked the premise for the story. I wasn't as confident with this so it's great to here compliments.

It's great that you tuned in to Alecto :P I don't know if they were the people that she killed/tortured but you are right that would be horrific. I wish that was what I had meant !

I was expecting to get moaned at for the way I wrote Dumbledore!

I know I felt for the house elf when I went back and read it :( Hermione wouldn't be happy with Alecto..or me for htat matter!

I didn't want to make it to gruesome, but I wanted to make an impact on the reader.

I was so pleased when I thought of that idea, I know, I know I sound way to smug for my own good :P

Your reviews are awesome and I love reading them, hopefully my writing will continue to improve...hopefully...

Cannons!


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Review #6, by 800 words of heaven The End

6th November 2013:
Hello! Here with your requested review!

You asked if this was boring or not, and to be honest, I don't think it is. There are bits and pieces in here which were really interesting. First of all, your portrayal of Dumbledore is a little... creepy. He's high-handed and manipulative, which is just a little scary to read, especially as I'm used to seeing him more as a sneaky, yet benevolent man.

I also adore the punishment that Alecto receives, and my inner science geek just screamed at the line "time is relative"! It is a very interesting concept and its vagueness is one of its most endearing points.

In terms of other stuff, I did feel as if there were issues of flow here. For example, when we first enter the pensieve, I was a little disorientated. There were just other bits here and there, which were a little confusing as well.

Another, very small, CC is that to me, there were places where Dumbledore's speech felt a little off. The part where he was explaining Alecto's sentence was good, but when he's conversational with her, I think when he's describing the whole pensieve thing, his speech felt a little too... modern.

In terms of Alecto's characterisation, I think she has a lot of potential. You can tell that she's crazy and loves it! I just had a little trouble connecting with her at times. She seemed to self-aware, I think. It was if she was telling us who she was, rather than showing.

I just re-read my review, and it sounds really negative. Don't get me wrong - I did enjoy this story! If you have more questions, or would like more specific opinions on stuff, feel free to shoot me a PM! I promise I don't bite! :)

Author's Response: Hello.Hello.Hello.Hello.

I had so much trouble with Dumbledore it's unbelievable so I understand where you are coming from. That is an interesting point about Alecto being self-aware so I'll back and read through it again and no doubt I'll spot the bits you mentioned. :)

Don't worry it doesn't sound that negative, just helpful and honest.

Thanks for taking the time to review this and I'm pleased it didn't totally bore you.

:)


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Review #7, by GingeredTea The End

5th November 2013:
Oh man, loving LOVING this. Your writing is really great here and I appreciate that you chose a Death Eater we don't know much about. I've managed to make it quite a bit in before noticing this typo: "He hasn't taken his eyes of[F] me since I woke up, it really is unnerving."

I did notice that when you have a character yell a question, you make it a statement instead, which is kinda just bugs me...it's a little thing that probably doesn't bother anyone else, but I thought I'd point it out. Like here: "You did what!" A question should always have a question mark. The fact that you said he leered, or shouted, or what not, lets us know his words were intense and thus you don't need the "!" at the end.

I really really enjoyed this story, especially the end. :D

Thanks for a great read.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, thanks for pointing out both these points especially the latter.

Cannons


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Review #8, by APerkins The End

5th November 2013:
Hi from Review tag!
Firstly, what a great story! I really like the idea of the dementors actually being a form of - what punishment? retribution? Reformation?
I do question whether 500 years as a dementor would actually help on the path towards redemption - or whether it would just encourage bitterness and resentment to fester!

I found the flashbacks gruesome. the poor house elf! thats horrible!

It was a bit odd to have Dumbledore amused at someone else's expense. I see that it was a great plot device to make Alecto uncomfortable but it seemed so callous that he could laugh. Even if it wasn't AT those terrible things, it was while they were being witnessed.



I think the creepiness from this comes from the detachment Alecto uses as she describes her experiences. Overall, I really really enjoyed reading it!

Author's Response: hey thanks for the review!

I'm glad you like the dementors idea. It is actually a mixture of all 3 of those but mainly punishment.

The 500 years is for punishment, there is usually not much hope for them to change.

He didn't laugh, he was just amused how someone so cruel and 'strong' in life could be so weak and a coward in death.

thanks for the review!

:)


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Review #9, by Rumpelstiltskin The End

2nd November 2013:
I am here from review tag!

Will you ever cease to amaze me? This is why you are one of my FAs :)! Though I feel bed that I am here under the pretense of review tag, Rumpel is here nonetheless.

The Carrow twins have actually been the subject of my curiosity for a while now, so it excites me to see a story featuring Alecto.

The idea of the pensive was fabulous and well executed. The detachment Alecto is feeling along with her remorse (as altered by Dumbledore) made her reactions and thoughts very interesting to read. I also was fond of Dumbledore being a guide in Alecto's reflection of herself.

Some of the memories were gruesome, made more so only by your lovely discriptions. You actually made me wince. It's a fantastic feat to cause your readers to have a physical reaction to your writing.

And then her punishment? Amazing! That has to be one of the most well thought of, original ending that I have ever read. It was fantastic.

*Squee!*

-Rumpel

Author's Response: HEY RUMPEL!

I'm glad you reviewed, review tag or otherwise. Your way to kind to me :D

I hate the Carrows, like seriously with a passion. They have got to be up there with Umbridge! I was sort of intimidated when I got Alecto for the challenge so I hope I did an alright job.

I'm glad you like the idea of the pensieve, I had a lot of fun coming up with that idea and as you can see, it's quite a big part of the plot.

I'm so happy that I got a physical reaction from someone at my writing, it certainly feels fantastic. :)

But seriously. I re-read you last sentence like. so. many. times. 'most well thought of original ending that I have ever read' are you serious! thanks so much :D I thought it was a pretty cool idea so I'm glad you agree.

Oh btw it means so much that you've listed me as a FA. *hug*

:D :D


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Review #10, by Bellatrixlestrange123 The End

2nd November 2013:
Hi there!

I'm here for the review swap!

OK, so to begin, I loved the opening of the one shot. I really enjoyed the element of surprise when Alecto is talking about a 'man'and even though we figure it out to be Dumbledore soon enough, the descriptions leading up to it were very vivid and painted a lovely picture. And then of course, us readers realize a lot before Alecto does that she is indeed, dead.

When I was reading it, I found myself thinking 'why is Alecto in the same place Harry goes, Alecto's evil, she deserves to be in a horrid horrid place' and then obviously I realized that the whole element of purity and redemption are a big catalyst for the end and that is brilliant! I think it was very symbolic how you included the bit about her being naked; it really accentuates the fact that maybe in death, she is more purer and naked with her emotions and personality than she was when she was alive.

Dumbledore's patience and grace were very nice to read and everything that you wrote about him and for him fit his canon personality perfectly, so well done!

Reading Alecto's memories was equally haunting as they were disturbing. I think you did such a good job in writing them and writing them in a very twisted way no less. She's plain evil and now we know that she always has been.

Lastly, The way you ended the story is the best I have seen in such a long time when it comes to one shots. Wow, I was not expecting that, even after seeing the title. It made me get little chills to learn of Alecto's fate. But hey, that's what she gets for being a little snot rag eh :)

All the best with the challange and keep up the good work!

Bella x

Author's Response: hey Bella :)

Thanks for the lovely review, I'm really pleased that you knew it was Dumbledore and it was the place where Harry was because otherwise it just wouldn't have worked. I felt sure that my characterization of Dumbledore was going to get pulled up but so far it hasn't which I'm pleased about.

I really wanted them to come across as disturbing as she is seriously disturbed imo!

I am so happy about your comment about the ending! such a compliment! :)

:D thanks for the review :D

Cannons!



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Review #11, by theblacksisters The End

2nd November 2013:
I think it's a great idea of what's under the dementor's hood-it never occured to me before!

Author's Response: hey!

thanks for the review! especially as it is practically the first review I didn't request. :)



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