Reading Reviews for Unrequited
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by St. Brigid. Unrequited

28th March 2015:
Love the part about him being in search of something rarer and more precious.

Oooh, that part about the diadem is a little cold.

I like the mention of the flash of the knife. It reminds us of the violence the man is capable of.

I wonder why she retains so much anger at her mother.

His unwillingness to take no for an answer is disturbing, especially when he seems shocked she calls him "friend", even though she has already said repeatedly that she feels not more than friendship for him. It is as if he takes it as a personal insult that she does not love him.

You portray the Baron's logic very well here, the way his behaviour makes sense in his mind. Really good story about an intriguing event.

Author's Response: Hello, St Brigid! Sorry for the lateness in my reply!

I'm glad you liked this, the Baron and Helena's story has always interested me so it was great to explore it a little more and add my own headcanon to it.

Thanks for the lovely review :D


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Review #2, by xinkheartedx Unrequited

22nd February 2015:
Oh my gosh you are so talented!! I am sat on a bus bawling my eyes out, people are looking at me like I need mental help, because of this! You should write something else like this it's amazing!

Author's Response: Eeeep! This is such a lovely review! Thank you so much, I'm sorry I made you cry ♥

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Review #3, by likeness_of_a_seabird Unrequited

5th January 2015:
Hufflepuff Hot Seat Review, round two!

This story was at the same time both beautiful and sad! I loved the way you described Baronís surroundings when he first enters the forest; I could picture the dark forest vividly in my mind and hear the sounds of the unseen creatures around him. That part was very well written!

I donít recall it was ever stated in the books why Helena fled to Albania of all places, and I like the explanation youíve given here: itís the only place outside of Hogawarts and Hogsmeade sheís ever travelled to. It makes sense to go to a place youíre at least a little familiar of. I have to wonder, though, if Helena really did think no one would guess where she had gone; it wouldnít surprise me at all if that really had been the case. To me, Helena seems a little arrogant and convinced of her own cleverness.

The ending was so sad! I could really feel Baronís rage when Helena refused to leave with him and marry him. The line ďIf I canít have her, then no-one ever willĒ spoke such volumes of the level of his anger. After he kills Helena I can feel his anger giving away to grief and guilt and I felt really sorry for him as he laid there dying.

Another thing I really liked was the way Baron and Helena speak. It enhances the feeling that this story takes place in the past. The way they speak also makes it clear that both of them are of high birth and well educated. I occasionally see Founders fics were the characters use language that is too modern for my tastes, but here, the language was suitably old-fashioned and realistic. Well done!

Thank you for writing this beautiful story!

- Emmi

Author's Response: Hi, Emmi! Please forgive me for the incredible lateness of this response, I am truly terrible.

Helena definitely stuck me as being arrogant in her living days, I think she regretted stealing the diadem in death but at the time I'd imagine she felt awfully smug.

The speech thing was my main concern with this story, I worried so much that it wouldn't be authentic enough so your comments really came as a big relief. Thank you so much ♥


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Review #4, by K-9 Claus Unrequited

31st December 2014:
Greetings Mistress! I am K-9, the Doctor's faithful friend. I am on loan from the Doctor for a very special mission: to give gifts by scanning random imaginative documentation for thorough creative analysis. Let us begin.

"INITIATING SCAN"...eyes blink a soft red and small radar-like ears move a little from side to side. He then nods several times..."SCAN COMPLETE."

Documentation is an interesting piece in which is of a largely unexplored story. Factors of importance: history, hope, love, sadness, and tragedy. Initial scan shows K-9 all these things quite clearly. Descriptions and visuals are clear, word usage is clever and with colorful variety.

Initial scan of the male concludes an obsessive, possessive, hopeful and fearful nature. Love for the female is his existence. Failure of female to return affection leads to loss of restraint, resulting in the termination of the female. Subject appears to be hopeful in his own termination to rejoin the female, which one could see as the subject both punishing
and rewarding himself simultaneously.

Initial scan of the female concludes description of a great beauty who is haughty, proud, stubborn, confident and defiant. A
deeper analysis shows true love for the mother, sorrow and lonliness. Lastly there is the inability to understand why the male does not have the word 'no'in his vocabulary.

The setting is very dark and hence, goes well with the themes of the narrative. K-9 is impressed with Mistress' skill at the
written word and her exceptional ability of bringing such scenes to life.


REASON FOR SELECTION: This story was selected due to my friend's love for a good and dark story, much like how they enjoy stories involving a 'Tom Riddle'.


-


It is K-9's hope that Mistress is pleased with her gift. I will be back soon to do another for you.

And finally my friend also wishes Mistress a wonderful turning of time into its' 2,015th cycle (Happy New Year)!

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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57 Unrequited

12th July 2014:
Well darn. High drama is the stuff that I eat for breakfast. :)

The Baron is so scary and dangerous. I knew as soon as he flashed the knife at the innkeeper that he was going to use it again... (Also, canon says that he does, but let's overlook that for the purpose of this story.) :) You described the scenes--of Rowena asking him to go, and of his rejection and murder and death--so vividly and with such dramatic language. The Baron is obviously one very messed up dude, and Helena is right to refuse him. However, it's not such a good thing for her, is it?

I like the parallels between his italicized thoughts at the end. She doesn't want him, so no one can have her, and he can't have her, so he doesn't want anyone. And he stabbed them both in the heart. Broken hearts--literally. That's some serious stuff!

You did a brilliant job with this. I enjoyed reading it!

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the delayed response, I need to get better at answering my reviews, especially lovely ones like this!

This was my first attempt at founders era stuff so I'm always really pleased when people like it :) I do think that the Baron was ultimately a spoilt brat about his feelings towards Helena.

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #6, by remembertoturnonthelight Unrequited

2nd March 2014:
Whilst waiting for "Seized" to be updated, I decided to look at some of your other stuff, and I absolutely LOVE this.

Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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Review #7, by pigmypuff13 Unrequited

9th January 2014:
That was a really interesting and cool read! I loved the way you portrayed the Helena, and the ending was perfectly surprising! Oh, and if you feel like reading something, check out the first chapter if my story that was recently validated, called The Perks of Being a Riddle! It would be so amazing if you would R&R! Thanks a billion!
-pigmypuff13

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. And thanks for the recommendation :)

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Review #8, by SilentConfession Unrequited

20th December 2013:
Hey Dee! Sorry for the lateness of this review! I was trying to write both my writers duel and a new chapter of Orchard (which is nearly done, by the way!) Thank you for your patience.

Right, i'm no Founders expert. There is a reason I've never attempted to write a story on it yet because I don't think I could ever get the tone of the story right. I think, generally, you did a good job with word choice and making the story feel like it was in era. I think what might have helped even more is in your description. What makes the world you're writing about look different from the world we know now? That would help set it back in time for me. Your dialogue was good, I think you did well keeping their words a little more formal and archaic. If you could also have that reflect in some of his thought processes as well, it would make it seem more connected.

I think the darkness you've introduced to this story is really lovely. How he's fighting it immediately as the story begins. It sets a darker theme to your story which is exactly what you want. I like how you focus on the the wolves, the rustling of the underbrush of unknown creatures, and his journey for something even more dangerous than what the woods have to offer. That really helps set the tone for a darker piece. You set that up really nice. I think that as the story went on, if there had been a little more imagery you'd have captured the horror of the story better. I think what would have helped was a stronger lead up to him pulling the knife on her. It felt quite sudden and it sort of jarred me from the story. If you included a little bit more where the anger flashed across him, and he found himself losing his reason it would have made the end where he took the life of the woman he loved stronger. Also, maybe if we sensed more of the repercussions of his actions (more thought process perhaps before he kills himself as well) would help us feel the horror of the situation. As it is, that moment, which is the most horrifying bit of the story, happens quite quickly compared to the lead up. It felt a bit unbalanced to me. Don't get me wrong, I think what you have here is a good piece, especially if it isn't your usual genre. It's just my opinion that if the end bit was tightened up a bit, you could make this even better.

I like how you added some of the backstory into this as well. We got a small sense of why Helena left, perhaps she felt little love from her mother. Perhaps she wanted to gain the wit that her mother had. It made me wonder why she took the diadem in the first place, but those are questions that I don't think need to be answered in this, it just gives me a sense that there is a bigger story out there and we're only show a short blurb. I think that is an excellent tactic for one-shots to be honest :). I also really liked the contrast between the rational Baron and how he went about finding her, and to the moment where he lost control. That really helped crete horror because it seemed like the opposite of what a character like him would do. It was well done. You're writing style is really easy to read as well and makes reading this incredibly smooth.

Thank you so much for requesting from me Dee! This was a pleasure to read!

Author's Response: Hi Zayne!I'm sorry back for the lateness of the reply :P

I'm not a founders expert either, I've read some amazing founders fics so the idea of writitng this was a little daunting.

Description is something I'm really awful at, though I'm working on it. I always start with it in mind and then as the story goes on I get myself so lost in plot that I forget about it, and this story is no different.

I definitely want to come back to this and tweak it so all of your comments are really helpful. Having read this again, I completely agree about the build up to him killing Helena and using his thought processes more.

Reading DH again gave me the idea for this, the brief talk Harry has with Helena leads to a million questions and a whole story in itself, it's one of the things I love most about JKR's writing, that she has created hundreds of stories that all link with Harry's in some way. You're completely right about the bigger story, if I was better at Founders era writing maybe I would have attempted it haha.

Thank you so much for all of the lovely compliments and the helpful advice, I'll definitely come back to this in the new year :)


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Review #9, by marauderfan Unrequited

17th November 2013:
Hello there Dee :) I was just randomly stalking your author page so I thought I'd leave a review for you! :p

This was a great account of the Bloody Baron's tale. His story is a sad and twisted one, and I think you portrayed that very well, what with the contrast between the side of him that is very loving, but also the selfish and impulsive side when he snaps. I also like the way you wrote the relationship between Helena and her mother, I think it's very fitting to both characters.

It was also cool that you included some background on why Helena chose Albania as the place to flee to, and how the Baron didn't have much of an issue finding her as he knew where to look. Your description of the Albanian forest is really vivid as well.

Also, you did an excellent job with the dialogue, it sounded appropriately archaic. That's something I personally struggle with when I'm writing Founders era so I notice and appreciate it when others can do it properly! :p

Lovely work on this! ♡

Author's Response: Hi Kristin! What a lovely surprise!

I know you're somewhat of a fan of the marauder era (see what I did there?) so I am thrilled that you liked my first attempt at it!

The Bloody Baron has always been an interesting character for me, the fact that he was obviously a really violent man but still loved Helena is something I've always found fascinating. I really wanted to know more about their story when I read Deathly Hallows so writing my own headcanon was fun :)

I'm so pleased you mentioned the dialogue, it was my biggest worry when I wrote this, I ended up changing it a LOT before posting to try and get it 'old' enough.

Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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Review #10, by LillyRoseanne Unrequited

28th October 2013:
I like your first two sentences, they really give a good description of oppressive darkness, however, your third sentence in that paragraph just seems a little jarring in comparison. I think for me at least, that the word 'tread' is what causes this. But anyway.

I like that even the Baron considers that Rowena may care more for her diadem than she did for her daughter, making me wonder, that for all her wisdom how she didn't see it coming. Which I think, had you intended for this to be more than just a one shot, would have been an interesting idea to explore. In this as it stands though, it gives us a teasing hint as to Helena's motivation for running away.

I also like how the Baron seems to be so calm and in control to start with, methodically going about finding her, bribing the wizard to tell him how to find her. Then all of a sudden he sees red and turns into this jealous murderer, and your use of italics to show this internal thought pattern and his memories was really clever and well executed. Then the red fades and he's left to deal, or not, with what he's done. I think the Baron really does show true Slytherin cowardice in that moment, nice.

Overall I really enjoyed it... Well done
LR
x

Author's Response: It's taken me far too long to reply to this review, I blame NaNo!

I always found the story of the Baron and Helena really interesting so it was nice to be able to explore my own headcanon of it. Personally, I think that Rowena would have been a little arrogant about the wit that she had because of the diadem and the idea that someone could be clever enough to steal it from her would be preposterous which was ultimately her downfall.

The Baron is certainly an interesting character to write. We know he was capable of love because he was in love with Helena so I wanted to show that side of him but obviously he had a flip side to his character and I wanted to write a good balance of both.

I'm really pleased you enjoyed it and I'll take a look at that sentence again, thank you :)

Dee x


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