5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by emia23 One.

1st March 2014:
Just found your story and I like this beginning a lot. I love Draco/Astoria, why would he have to "steel" Ron's girl when he can (and obviously did) have his own. I like them both here and will love to see how the whole thing devealops between them. Please give us more soon!

 Report Review

Review #2, by 800 words of heaven One.

25th November 2013:

It's almost one in the morning here, and I've just stumbled onto an author whose page I should have discovered long ago, and find a new story on one of my favourite pairings, and I find that I am asking myself through a sleepy fog, "Why didn't I find this sooner? Like during the daytime where I could actually put together a review that does this writing justice?"

All gushing (the above paragraph was all gushing, by the way) aside, this is such a fantastic start to a story. I love your writing style. It's clear and concise - just what I need at this ungodly hour - and yet you are not stingy with the description or literary awesomeness (technical term). That opening paragraph had me feeling complete awe and jealousy in turns.

Draco's characterisation is fantastic so far. He's obviously a changed man, but still the same. It's really obvious that you understand him and seem to have a clear idea of where he's headed. I loved that there's these wonderful feelings (for us, not him) of guilt, and pride, and weariness, and haughtiness. So complex. So fun. I'm so looking forward to seeing where you take him.

I also love that your Astoria is so different from the ones that I usually read (and my personal headcanon). She appears so ordinary and antisocial and I'm so excited to see how she grows as a character and what she'll make of poor Draco (I hope there's pain involved for him - in the nicest possible way).

May I ask a question about your choice of tense here? Feel free not to answer. I'm trying to get a better handle on tenses, and I'm curious to know why you've chosen to write this in the present tense. Is it part of your writing style? Was it a choice particular to this story? What does it add to your story in terms of voice and personality? Do you just really like present tense? Sorry for the weird fixation - like I said, no need to answer if you don't want to!

This is such a wonderful beginning and I'm on tenterhooks for the next chapter! I hope to see you soon here!

Author's Response: *attempts to pick jaw off the ground* Okay... okay... I'm trying - and failing, obviously - to find words to explain how much this review actually means to me. After a long day, this is just so wonderful to come home to. I honestly could not thank you enough! I could write a thousand thank you's, but they would not do your review justice at all.
Draco and Astoria are probably my two favourite characters to write. Astoria, because she is versatile, and Draco, because ... I don't really know why, but I have always enjoyed his character, a lot. It makes me insanely happy to hear someone compliment on my understanding of him. It's taken me a while, but I think I finally have nailed down his canon :) As for Astoria ... I have a few different ideas on what she could be, but they always come back to this - normal. So normal, it's almost boring. And I don't know why! Granted, as this story and my others have gone on, Astoria does really come into her own, eventually. The next chapter will be focused on her, so I hope you enjoy that one as well.
Now the questions! I'm actually excited about answering these - no one has really asked me such a unique thing before! Whenever I start to write a story I constantly experiment with the characters, settings and tense (especially) to make sure each one compliments the other. I don't usually write in present tense - actually, I'm almost always a past tense writer. But I do like challenging myself, and present tense, third person is really difficult, as it's not just a simple matter of 'swapping' tense ('took' to 'takes', 'said' to 'says', etc). If you write present tense like that, you get an ugly story that won't flow at all. I find that present tense only really works well if your narrative is character focused, instead of plot focused. Present tense with a character focused story reaches out to readers, as they are experiencing the emotions and dialogue with the characters, as it happens. Whereas past tense lacks that connection, but works really well for recounting a tale or adventure with the characters and plot side-by-side.
For example, there are some things that you can’t describe in past tense, that present accommodates, like: "His forehead is sweating, but he remains eerily calm. He is always calm." The sentence 'He is always calm' could not be addressed so bluntly in past tense. 'He was always calm' creates a time gap for readers - suddenly the characters are completely separate from our world, whether they be dead or in another universe, simply because of the word 'was'. Whereas 'He is always calm' is like opening a new book - why is he? What is he thinking, right now? You're there, and the character is there with you.
I hope that kinda-sorta answered your questions. It was really fun to sit down and think on - I've never thought so deeply as to why I write the way I do. Also, I'm not expert, but I hope it helped you understand tense a little better as well. You should give it a go and play around with tense - present tense is a lot of fun, especially in third person. Challenging, but fun :)
And again, thank you so, so, so very much for this gorgeous review. You'll be my inspiration for the rest of the year, now. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, once I eventually get around to uploading it :P

- Mahalia

 Report Review

Review #3, by quixotic One.

16th November 2013:
Here's my final review! What fun this has been :)

Wow, this was one intense chapter. You introduce Draco, someone who hasn't been on the better side of the war and has taken a brave decision in going back to school. I really admire that. If I were him, I'd probably want to curl up under my blankets and never face humanity again. I felt a pang of pity for how he seems to fit it nowhere. His old friends call him a traitor and the rest cannot stand him. All he has is Pansy. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not ;)

Astoria seems, er, rather unimpressive. There is nothing about her that truly stands out and I quite like that about a character. She's just a normal, slightly introverted girl who doesn't talk much. It makes me even more curious to know what's going on in her mind. She's very mysterious.

Draco has obviously changed since the war and I can feel his weariness oozing through the words. The story flows really well, weaving through Draco's thoughts, his past and the present. I'm quite curious to know what is going to happen next!

Author's Response: Hello again! I'm so happy to hear you had fun reading my bizarre variations in stories :)
This story is ... very different for me. It's more of a character exploration than a story - a spin-off from the characters and their relationships in my other recent story, 'Kamikaze'. It is a lot of fun to write and work with, and I'm happy to hear it reads okay :)
"All he has is Pansy". Hmm, yes, this is definitely not a good thing, and will be addressed in the coming chapters. Poor Drakie. Shouldn't have followed in his father's footsteps ;)
And Astoria unimpressive! Funnily enough, this was exactly what I was going for. I wanted to have a normal, realistic character to work with, as I feel like there are never enough. Astoria is plain enough now, but in coming chapters she will evolve and adapt to be her own person. That is why I love her character so much in this story :)
Thank you so much for this review, and all your others! This one in particular is just lovely :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by toomanycurls One.

25th October 2013:
Hi! Review tag!!!

Draco's interaction with Narcissa is really well done. His distance and her concern is believable and moving. I got a good sense of how Draco changed over the war and Voldemort's defeat.

Astoria seems awfully cold. I wonder how they ended up together. ^_^

I really like the flashback for Draco's Occlumency lesson with Bellatrix. It gives a good idea as to how he had to grow up fast.

It sounds like Hogwarts is quite overwhelming to Draco after the war. I like his hesitancy at seeing his friends. There was so much they all went through and they're trying to put back together a normal life.

Astoria seems quite haunting through this. She seems to really get past his wall without saying or doing much. This has been quite an interesting read!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, toomanycurls! This story was really just an experiment on character and character interactions. Everything you have commented on was all purposefully written to explore the canon (and I guess, not so canon in Astoria's case) characters. I'm happy that you got all the right feelings and relationships that I was trying to touch on in this chapter - especially the Occulmency lesson. Draco and Bella's family relationship really interests me, and I'm hoping to talk a bit of it in this story.
Anyway, I'm so happy you found this interesting. Thank you so much again for the lovely review!
- Mahalia :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by ZenaShaw2101 One.

18th October 2013:
I think this is great! bit confused as to who the main girl is but I'm sure I'll find out soon, please do more I love the idea :) x

Author's Response: I'm sorry, I just re-read the chapter and I can definitely see where it got confusing. I'll fix that as soon as I can, thank you for pointing it out. The girl is actually meant to be Astoria.
Thank you for taking the time to review though! I'm actually writing this as a break from my 'serious' novel, so I will certainly be continuing it. It's lovely to hear that you like it :) Thanks again!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login