18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by randomwriter The Bathroom

13th May 2014:
Hello :) I'm here and it didn't take as long as I thought it might :p

I chose to read this story because I really feel like Myrtle has a lot of potential in fanfiction, and yet, we hardly find any stories about her. She can be written in so many genres,, but I find that she lends herself well to angst. I know you've read my story on Myrtle, so I guess you'll understand why I was really drawn to this.

Your characterisation of Myrtle is definitely very interesting. I love, love, LOVE your take on her and how you went about describing her thoughts. This was a really intriguing character study of a very un-loved character. I personally don't like her, but I love writing and reading about her in fanfiction. Here, you make her come alive, really because of how you've made her think. She looks at the world as if it could really affect her even though nothing can ever really have a palpable effect on her.

You are a master of the second person POV. I remember telling you this after reading 'Time Marches On', and once again, you've managed to make me feel the same sentiment. I think that if you need to bust out of that writer's block, you could try writing from this POV again. It seems to come naturally to you.

I was impressed by how you chose to end this. There was so much grief and despair in this situation. She's a ghost who's doomed to lead this life for an eternity and Dumbledore has just died, leaving everyone broken. Yet, inspite of everything that's happened, you ended this on a hopeful and positive note. It left me feeling a bubble of hope, literally; and I think it was a great and unique choice on your part.

I also love how detailed and descriptive you've been here. This is one of those stories which rely on character and not plot and with absolutely no dialogue, it was really important for you to nail the description aspect of this. That being said, I think you've covered an interesting range of word choices here, but at the same time, it feels like you've rushed about trying to push in as much as possible. It seems a little forced, if you don't mind me saying. I feel like you should flesh this out a little, use some simple language interspersed with all these lovely words. That way, it has a more powerful effect on the reader. Also, I would consider shuffling some of these about. I think your choice of words is pretty great, but your phrasing could use an edit here and there because there are some words that would do better in a different sentence. Also, some of the phrasing was incomplete and slightly confusing. You also have a tendency to get repetitive at times. I hope this made sense, if not, feel free to shoot me a PM.

Also, initially, I love how you started with the description of the sunlight and it's battle with the shadows. In this case too, I might consider fleshing it out a little. Writing it like an actual battle, maybe? (Just a suggestion)

I also spotted a couple of grammatical errors. I'll point out a couple:
'suns eager rays merely go through your translucent shel l of a body' Here, suns should be sun's and it's 'shell' :)
Also, 'gives of a shimmering prismatic quality'. Here it isn't 'of', it's 'off'.

So, to sum up the CC, work on your phrasing and flesh it out a little. Experiment with description. Use some simple language well along with the powerful description to create a contrast. Flesh out your story and fix minor mistakes :) These are my suggestions. I hope they didn't seem too harsh.

Despite everything I've mentioned, the part that I loved the most was this- The message hidden is that nobody really wins, although it may seem as if they have at the time, nobody wins. Light may have won just after sunrise, but all too soon sunset come again, bringing with it the vicious darkness that has vowed to fight back.
^This part was so philosophical and it really made me think. It shows how important it is for both sides to work in harmony for there to be balance in this world and there's no better way you could have said this better than by comparing it to the motions of sunrise and sunset. I also loved the chess reference.

I hope this review conveys how much I enjoyed your story. It really is a very interesting take on Myrtle and the I struck by both its hopeful note and its philosophical undertone. I hope this review helped you, and don't hesitate to ask me for help if you ever need it :)

Author's Response: Hi, I am finally responding to this review. After all this time. wow.

Seriously though this was a fantastic review that you kind of scared me away from replying to it! It was so long and detailed that I felt way to intimidated to even begin to write a response to it. So yeah, this is all your fault! ;)

I actually remember writing this and I remember I just went way overboard with the description to try and experiment with a different style of writing. One that wasn't so much focused on action or friendship but one that zoned in on thoughts and feelings. Emotion.

So not sure if I like it much reading through it again.

I really do love writing from second person POV, it is a much easier way to stir emotion up. Unlike in first or third in which I have to try much harder to do and actually have a plot, usually anyway. But, MASTER? I think NOT! (thanks though, it is lovely to hear!) :D

I can only take so much angst, but Mrytle has had enough angst for a lifetime, so I just decided to give her a morning of hope but in my head I defiantly don't expect this new Mrytle to last long.

I defiantly get where you are coming from with it being forced since it was as I kind of took the biscuit with the descriptive language. :)

I hadn't thought of writing an actual battle, but that would work well.

'Of' and 'Off' - I ALWAYS struggle with these. *sigh* How embarrassing.

I remember I asked you to review something to give me some motivation to write, at least that's how I remember it? So I want to THANK YOU SO MUCH, for taking the time out to review something of mine. Especially such a lovely and helpful review as this.

:)

Fin




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Review #2, by adluvshp The Bathroom

14th March 2014:
Blackout Battle 10/20

The title and summary of this story immediately caught my eye because I love reading stories from unique people's point of views, particularly minor characters, and Moaning Myrtle is certainly one of them. After reading this, I can happily say that this didn't disappoint at all =)

I absolutely loved your descriptions throughout. Without the use of dialogue, just with the power of thoughts, you managed to convey a very strong and powerful insight into the war. The way you portrayed Myrtle also had me sympathising with her - something I thought I'd never do. Her reflections also had me thinking a lot. I especially liked how this ended with Myrtle finding some optimism and light at last.

This flowed beautifully and I was completely into the story while reading. You also managed to pull of second-person narrative in an impressive manner. All in all, I really liked this.

--AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi thanks for reviewing my story, i loved reading your review :)

Stories about minor characters are some of my favourite aswell so this was fun to write. I'm so pleased you weren't disappointed.

I really tried to add a lot of description in and maybe it was to much at times however it's good that it worked in your opinion!

I'm so happy that you enjoyed it, it really does mean a lot.



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Review #3, by MyMyMiss The Bathroom

7th March 2014:
oh wow hun, this one was just as great as time marches on!

You really have a natural talent for writing without having to use speech - I know there is a proper word for this but my mind is blank at the moment. lol

anyway, I have read a few Mrytle one shots, but never have I seen one written in the perspective that you have chosen, the wording and the detail that you put into this shows great writing skills! I never got bored, the consistency was great threw out the whole story, and the pace wasn't too fast nor too slow - it was just right.

Great story hun, Keep up the great work!! (:

~mmm

-blackout battle round 2.

Author's Response: Hey! Another review! I'm getting spoiled now :P

Thanks, I'd never looked at it like that but now that I think about it, speech is a bit of the pain for me!

I'm pleased that you didn't get bored, I was experimenting with my writing style for this so it was quite interesting to write, and challenging.

Thanks for the review :)

Cannons



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Review #4, by Maelody The Bathroom

2nd March 2014:
The ongoing battle between light and dark... wow, what a powerful moment right there.

The sun comes, but so does the moon. It never ends, and eventually, one will lose out to the other. That's just so beautiful! And for it to be Myrtle of all people to realize it! That's great!

The grown up she was robbed of being.

How she is smart, or was smart, because she was picked on.

How Dumbledore came to visit her so often, and comforted her in not being ashamed.

These little details made this all the more beautiful, and I really want to write a Myrtle fic now!

Really, you did a great job! I'm really impressed with the detail and description, like her ribless body, and the rainbow of colors... I'm just emotionally speechless! You made an unlikable character for me, likable! And for her to not let death defeat her anymore should inspire everyone to live life as they can!

Great job!

10/10 reviews on a Gryffindor story for Slytherin vs. Gryffindor bingo blackout

Author's Response: Hi there, thanks for reviewing!

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this and you should totally write a Mrytle fic if you haven't already because it was honestly a ton of fun.

Your to kind : P


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Review #5, by True Author The Bathroom

28th February 2014:
Hi!

So I don't usually go for minor character stories, but I read a Peter Pettigrew story earlier today and it was absolutely wonderful so I decided to give this a go. And I'm glad I did! :D

I loved your descriptions more than anything else. Such a lovely way of describing! It was so deep and thoughtful but scary type at the same time. I really liked it!

Moaning Myrtle is one of my least favourite characters but you really made me sympathise. I never thought she would have so deep feelings but now I realise that she must have had them. :P

Lovely use of words and phrases! I would especially like to point out a few sentences, but here are some I particularly enjoyed. :)

- Light may have won just after sunrise, but all too soon sunset come again, bringing with it the vicious darkness that has vowed to fight back.
- For you cannot feel the warmth of the sun on your body anymore, the suns eager rays merely go through your translucent shel l of a body and hit the walls behind you.
And many more but great job! :)

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for your review.

Haha I am glad I managed to change your opinion of her a tiny bit and that you liked my description.

Thanks again for the review and sorry that it took me a while to reply


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Review #6, by Secret Santa The Bathroom

23rd December 2013:
Ho Ho Ho- Secret Santa here!

First off, let me comment on your first sentence- "A narrow strip of glimmering light starts to creep through the ancient windows set high up in the decaying walls." This was an amazing opening sentence. It definitely caught my attention and attracted me to the rest of the story. The imagery in it made me feel as though I was there, in that bathroom.

I also liked your lines about the war between shadows and light. It was a great metaphor and fit in perfectly with the style of this piece. The fact that this story was in 2nd person made it all that more interesting. You don't read many stories in 2nd person, which I think is because it's rather difficult, getting the flow and language in there- but you did well with that. It made this story really unique- so great job!

I loved how Myrtle was reflecting back on her decision to become a ghost, and how she's been spending her time since then. How she resolves to be the mature adult she never got to be. The feelings you put into this story were great, and very real.

Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for the awesome review, I'm happy the first sentence drew you in and set the scene, it was what I was going for :)

I really like writing in second person so this was fun to write, the metaphor between the shadows and light was really the main motivation behind this.

Thanks for the review and I hope you had a good Christmas :D


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Review #7, by Courtney Dark The Bathroom

3rd December 2013:
Tag!

Wow, what an interesting one-shot! I have certainly not read anything like this before!

I have never even considered before that Myrtle would take Dumbledore's death so hard, but this line: 'You would tell them that he came in to your bathroom once or twice to have a chat' just sounded so much like Dumbledore that it was amazing! I can totally imagine him going into a bathroom to have a chat with a whiny ghost.

The imagery at the beginning was beautiful as well. Sorry to quote again, but I especially liked this bit: 'This is normally the time where you start to float away from the windows, keeping pace with the dying darkness, trying to stay in the shadows and away from the incandescent beacon like rays that you are sure are mocking you.' I can definitely imagine Myrtle lurking in the shadows - not in an evil way, more in a 'Why does my life suck so much?' kinda way.

Anyway, awesome story!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Thank you :D

Dumbledore has time for everyone, even ghosts ;)

I feel that she is a little depressive so she would probably think that :L

thanks for reviewing!


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Review #8, by marauderfan The Bathroom

1st December 2013:
Hi there! I'm finally here with my review.

I really love stories about minor characters, and there aren't a lot of Myrtle stories out there so this was a pleasure to read. I think what I liked most about it was you brought Myrtle out of her sad mopey shell and really added life to her character (lol, even though she's dead.)

I think it's really fitting that Dumbledore talked to Myrtle - he really notices everyone and she wouldn't be an exception. I also liked the way you approached the topic of death. She has been moping all this time about being dead, but when someone else dies who is important to her, Myrtle sees that maybe she should make the most of her situation and start living because she still can. It's believable - a reaction even living people have sometimes - and I think it was so well done here, with Myrtle's view switch from seeing ghosts as dead and then to eternally living. This line in particular was really good:
today you are going to act like the adult you were robbed of being.

This also flows so nicely, it's quite a beautiful piece of writing with the sunlight descriptions, the tone is very ethereal and airy. (very fitting for a ghost.) There's not a lot of detail and it's all pretty vague, but I think it works best that way, to be honest. And I applaud your use of second person. That's not common and is often hard to pull off, but it works spectacularly in the POV of a sort of detached ghost.

There are a couple of really small, insignificant typos which if you go back to edit, you should be able to catch with a quick read through (stuff like a missing letter, etc)

Overall you did a really wonderful job on this! Thanks for requesting, it was a great read.

Author's Response: hi marauderfan!

Haha you managed to give me a compliment and insert a pun, well played :D I feel that there is a lot more to Mrytle then just moping. I like to think she has her ups and her downs but she is never in the middle :)

I'm happy that you thought going to speak to Mrytle would be something he would do, because everything revolves around that.

I like writing in second person, I find it so much fun.

Thanks for your review :)


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Review #9, by AlexFan The Bathroom

19th November 2013:
I've come to find that I really like stories told in second person point of view because I feel like I'm in the story and that the character and I are one person.

I spent quite a few minutes thinking about this and whether it worked or not, especially the beginning. At first, I thought that the beginning didn't really have much to do with the end of the one-shot but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that the beginning did work. It set everything up for the end and how Myrtle realises that she can make a difference even if she is dead.

I definitely think that everything that happened with Myrtle worked. It seemed logical that she would be affected by Dumbledore's death since most people were. And I like how you shows exactly why his death affected her so much and how Dumbledore was a friend to her.

The description in this was beautiful, it was almost poetic and I really enjoyed that. It set up the setting of the story and it really helped me connect with Myrtle. I could picture in my head everything that was going on.

The ending, where Myrtle walks into the light, that put a smile on my face because after all of these years of being miserable, Myrtle finally got to rest and be a little bit happy.

Great job on this one-shot, I really enjoyed it!
-Grace

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing this!

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this and the fact that you thought the beginning worked after initially thinking it didn't is brilliant! :D I defiantly enjoyed writing/reading second person stories just because they add a different dimension to a situation and point out things that you may have missed originally.

Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #10, by GingeredTea The Bathroom

16th November 2013:
This is a marvelous one-shot. I really loved what you have done with the sun/moon day/night metaphor. I especially liked this:

...and you are sure that this is the universeís way to apologise to the good side for taking away the most important chess piece.

You took a character we don't get to know very well in the books and really made me feel like she had a role to play. Bravo. I really enjoyed reading this little gem. :)

Author's Response: hey, thanks for reviewing this. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #11, by Lady Asphodel The Bathroom

8th November 2013:
Hey there! :D I'm from the review thread! :)


So, I have to say you did a really great job into getting in Moaning Myrtle's head. And I feel truly sorry for her in terms of her hard-days being at Hogwarts and then end up murdered.

I'm glad that, even though sad, that Professor Dumbledore's death has gotten to her in a beneficial way.

It makes me wonder... now that I've read this piece here, that would she move on from being a ghost because... she found what she needed... or... let's say after Voldemort was defeated, would she have moved on too because he was the one who killed her anyway, so with being defeated, justice has been served. :^]


Sorry.. my mind wandering off... bringing back to Earth.


Any who, this was really enjoyable to read and different because there aren't many fics, at least to my knowledge, about Moaning Myrtle. If there is then I'll zip my lips on this subject. :P


Happy writing!


- Asphodel

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing :)

Thanks for saying that I got in her head, I'm glad it was only for under 1000 words though, I wouldn't be able to cope being in her head for long!

I'm pleased you enjoyed it and thanks again !


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Review #12, by Illuminate The Bathroom

4th November 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

This is a really good oneshot! I like the descriptions you give, they are very eloquent- I really like the word aureate, which I've never heard before but painted a nice picture once I'd figured out what it means xD

I like that this is a very deep picture of Myrtle's psyche, and how this seems like a very mature version of her but still seems quite Myrtle-ish.

This is also a good use of the second person! I haven't seen it around very much but I like that you used it!

Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

Thanks a lot, I didn't really know what it meant as well I looked it up, but I think it works! ;)

I do feel Mrytle would be very indecisive and have massive mood swings and that she might often feel like she did in this.

I like second person! ;)


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Review #13, by 800 words of heaven The Bathroom

27th October 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

O. M. G.

I didn't really know what to expect when I clicked on this. Myrtle stories tend to be sad and depressing, so I sort of avoid them. However, I am glad that this surprised me!

The story does start out sad, but it's also beautiful, because you use such an everyday sort of thing to illustrate Myrtle's feelings and philosophy on life (death? Afterlife?). The description here is pretty awesome, and using the dichomoty of light and dark, night and day, was really cool.

But this story is just really nice, because she gets hope, and out of something that has caused so many people to lose hope, which I think is wonderful. I don't know what it really says about Myrtle, but it's the thought that counts, right?

I don't see second person being used so much, and I know because it's really difficult to write, but you've done really well with it! Is this your first foray into it?

Wonderful writing!

Author's Response: O.M.G

This review! :)

I tried to go for something different!

My description was 'pretty awesome' *reads again to make sure* wow, what a compliment!

I'm pleased you enjoyed it, I was a little apprehensive when posting this so :D

I've written two one shots in second person, but before that nothing.

Thanks for the awesome review!


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Review #14, by Rumpelstiltskin The Bathroom

26th October 2013:
Hello there!

You've done a spectacular job on the imagery here. It's subtlety peppered in so that the story flows along lovely while still able to maintain the key delicate descriptors that hold readers captivation.

Now I have yet to read a story told from this second person perspective. I found it quite brilliant and well-executed. It definitely allowed for a different kind of connection to be created between reader and story.

This was fantastic! I loved every minute of it. I've also never read a story featuring Myrtle before so that was quite interesting! I really enjoy your writing style, so it's nice to read the different kinds of stories that you create :).

-Rumpel

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi Rumpel! I'm not sure if I requested this review or not, but if your just stopping by, thanks so much!

I'm really happy that you think I did a good job on the imagery because it felt like I was going a bit overboard so it's nice to hear that it worked.

I like writing in second person for some reason, I think that it is quite uncommon as well as I haven't to many others do it.

I'm pleased that you enjoyed it as this was something I wasn't that confident with! and you like my writing style!? *high 5*

thanks Rumpel! :D :)


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Review #15, by Lululuna The Bathroom

25th October 2013:
Hi there! Thanks for entering my challenge! :)

Honestly I was so excited that somebody got Myrtle as there are very few stories on here which mention her and especially which give her any kind of voice. I think you did a really impressive job here with taking this slightly ridiculous character and giving her depth beyond being a toilet-flooding, whining ghost.

First of all I think the use of second person was a really effective choice and did a good job of putting the reader right into Myrtle's head. I think second person in general is a really rare and challenging choice in stories, but it worked really smoothly here. I'm curious, did you always intend to write the story this way or did it just turn into a second person story? Either way, I think it worked very nicely and helped me connect with Myrtle.

The perspective of Myrtle reflecting on Dumbledore's death and deciding to let this event change her positively is brilliant and very original. It gave the story a hopeful tone, yet also reminded me how miserable her afterlife has been: all she's done, for fifty or so years, is sit around in a bathroom, which is very saddening and depressing when you think about it. In a way, she's been a prisoner of her own self-pity and grief, and that's very tragic.

I never thought about it before, but it makes a lot of sense that Dumbledore would take the time to visit Myrtle in the bathroom. He's never one to forsake the hopeless, and I like the idea that he would try and support her.

"No, today you are going to act like the adult you were robbed of being."

This line is amazing, my favourite in the whole piece. It's both bitter and resigned, yet also powerful. It reminds the reader in a heartbreaking way the reality of Myrtle's situation and what could have been had she not been in the wrong place at the wrong time all those years ago.

There's some truly beautiful imagery here. The light shining through Myrtle's body is both literally and symbolically meaningful and lovely, and I could really picture this warm light entering the mundane setting of the bathroom.

I'm not really sure exactly what Myrtle is going to do to change, but as long as she's leaving that toilet and restoring some agency in her life, there's a world full of possibility. This was a really great little story - you should be proud of it! Thanks for writing this, it was truly lovely. :)

Author's Response: hey lululuna, your challenge was a fun one and only the second one I have entered(but the first to make it onto my archive!)

I found her really hard to write and was stuck for a while. There must be more to her, she can't literally have spent the last 50 years moping and crying, there must have been some good times. As I have already mentioned in another response I feel her character was a bit unbalanced in the sense that she would probably make the decision to change today, and change her mind the next day.

I think second person is the easiest to write in for me, which is a bit worrying. I used it for 'Time Marches On' and people seemed to think I did ok with it. I was trying to think of an idea for this challenge that wasn't clich√ɬÉ√ā¬© or the obvious choice and I came up with this. I think the Dumbledore bit is believable and I was trying to be more descriptive in this so I am pleased you thought there was some beautiful imagery in there.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, I am proud of it!

I can't wait to read everyone else's entries.

Thanks for reviewing this!





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Review #16, by toomanycurls The Bathroom

25th October 2013:
I've never read a story featuring Moaning Myrtle before. I think you've tackled her very well. You do a great job making her ghost state come to life and feel real. Your prose in this story are quite beautiful and haunting (which works wonderfully for a ghost-based story). I quite like the details you've thrown in about Myrtle being teased and her dramatic behavior.

I really love how you describe Myrtle's reaction to Dumbledore's death. It says a lot about how many people Dumbledore touched in his life. To think that someone he barely interacted with was so moved by him that she'd want to make something of her afterlife is really a really powerful statement.

Ending with her resolution to do more and be useful are quite resounding.

Quite wonderful story here.

Author's Response: hey thanks for the review as always.

I'm pleased that you thought I did a good job with her as I honestly struggled with her and felt a bit overwhelmed so that's nice to hear. :)

I honestly feel there was much more to Mrytle then we see in cannon, I mean she can't have spent the last 50 years moping she must have had some good times. I think I see her as someone who would make a decision today and the change it tomorrow, so very indecisive.

Dumbledore's death touched everyone ;)

thanks for the review! :D


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Review #17, by milominderbinder The Bathroom

24th October 2013:
Hiya! Here from review tag, and also because you always leave the sweetest reviews on my stories :P

First of all, I LOVED the use of 2nd person here. It's rare to see that in fic, even rarer to see it done this well, and it made this really interesting and unique to read. Your plot was also super unique - I can see how most people who got Myrtle in a challenge like this might just write about her life before she died, or about her death, but you picked a super unique and therefore really interesting thing to explore with her, which honestly made this a pleasure to read.

I loved what you said about Dumbledore and Myrtle's relationship. Dumbledore would definitely be the type to go and have a chat with the Hogwarts ghosts now and then!

My favourite line was by far:

The only thing that is certain in battle is death and destruction; nobody really wins in the end. Life is the on-going battle, the world a playing field for ancient rivalries and two opposing forces continually clashing together.

So beautiful! Though I'm a bit of a cynic so I might be biased to like lines like that ;)

This was basically just a really amazing fic, and I loved reading it! Myrtle's such an interesting character and you really captured her here, as well as adding a lot to what we know about her in canon, in a really believable and pleasing way.

Good luck with the challenge!

~Maia :)

Author's Response: hey thanks for the awesome review :)

aha second person is like my new favourite go to thing when I'm struggling with an idea or something. I'm going to have to be careful not to overuse it :L

soo happy that you thought I used it to good effect here!

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

and good luck to you...although you won't need it ;)



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Review #18, by bellatrixlestrange123 The Bathroom

24th October 2013:
Hi! Sorry this is a tad late *frown*

Okay so I loved the whole idea behind this fic. A lot of it felt like it up open to readers interpretation and that's all ways a good thing! Waiting allows you to have a poetic license but leaving things to the readers imagination is sometimes important in order to make a story interesting.

My take on this was that myrtle along with so many others always saw Dumbledore as a very invincible person, so his death shatters a lot of people's hope and expectations and I guess that explains the title really well.

This was quite a short fic but it was definitely full of quality! The ending line really felt like myrtle finally had everything she needed to 'move on'

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: hey, dw!

short and sweet! I'm happy you thought it was full of quality!

thanks :D


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