Reading Reviews for Once More We Fight
22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Flynn Rider Prologue

28th May 2015:
Hello again! I've managed to find some more time to stop by again. Rapunzel and I finally managed to make it to the festival and she's currently having her hair braided by some girls, so I figured I'd stop by again.

Wow, this whole story is amazing. Is there really only one chapter posted?? But I need to know what happened! I was on the edge of my (figurative) seat the entire time. You did an amazing job at creating tension and suspense with everything that you've done here. I found myself actually yelling out loud a few times, which gained me a quite a number of odd stares. But in a good way, most definitely.

So I asked that friend I mentioned earlier about who all these people are and after knowing all of that, it seems even more creepy and suspenseful. This Harry Potter guy seems pretty important and from what my friend here has told me, nothing good really ever follows him around. And then his godson (right? I'm still fuzzy on who everyone is here) of all people shows up? Talk about a coincidence. Or maybe it's not. Either way, I'm interested in why he was there.

And then Maggie Bagshot seems really creepy and let me tell you, I know creepy. Apparently there was another Bagshot that was also involved in some weird stuff in her day. Could they possibly be connected?

Oh, I gotta go. Blondie here has gotten a bit distracted. Sorry for cutting the review short, hopefully I'll be able to be back and give a better one later.

Until next time,

Flynn Rider

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Review #2, by TreacleTart-Double Round 6/7 Prologue

12th April 2015:
Once More We Fight
Hi Adi,

Iím here for the Gryffindor Capture The Flag Battle Double Round 6/7.

The opening section immediately caught my attention! I wonder what it was that they saw that terrified them so. I have a really bad feeling about this. Wait, why is there two random dead bodies laying in the snow? Is this what Williamson and Gerard were just running from?

That old lady was super creepy and now thereís a young boy walking up to her house. My initial thought was that it was Tom Riddle and Bathilda Bagshot, but instead it turned out to be Teddy and Maggie. How interesting? I wonder why Teddy thought something had happened that evening?

To be quite honest, I found this a bit confusing. The suspense was there, but I never really understood what happened or why Teddy was questioning Maggie. Was Teddy investigating the murders? Did he think Maggie mightíve witnessed part of it? I just found it a bit hard to follow for some reason.

As always, your descriptions of things were on point. I could imagine the snow covered graveyard as the characters walked through it. The sentences seemed a lot less poetic in comparison to your other stories, but I think thatís a good thing for this story because it adds to the suspense.

Nice work!


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Review #3, by Deeds/hey-its-a/capture the flag round 7 Prologue

12th April 2015:

Snow, like a deceptive veil, hid all the graying stones with teary epitaphs; it masked death in its beauty and obscured the vision of decaying bones beneath the earth.

I really liked this sentence itís kind of spooky. You know what the opening is pretty nice too because Iím a little on edge. Itís a cemetery, they creep me out, but also the snow aspect. Snow is always seen as such a positive thing. Itís light and beautiful but itís also bitter as heck. I get a sense that snow is a semi-evil scene setter over here.

Williamson rushed forward and fought back the urge to throw up the contents of his stomach when he saw what was lying in front of them

Was it a body? A dead animal? Oo! Something magical? A mark of the Death Eaters? I need to know!

The young man visibly gulped as a chill ran up his spine.

A chill just ran up my spine too. Creepy story! Great imagery.

What is going on? I need to know what the men saw. Also, Teddy! Of all people. Maybe something horrible happened to Harry or someone in the family. What could it be? My mind is spinning. I think it has something to do with a mark of some sort. Maybe a new evil is coming up or maybe it was a werewolf attack or something? I donít know! You just gave me one of the most suspenseful chapters Iíve read in quite some time.

That woman was creepy. Listen to the wind, ay cramaba. And something always happens because Harry lives up there.

Harry is essentially a bad omen.



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Review #4, by Super Mega Foxy Awesome Hot Prologue

12th May 2014:
Brilliant start! I'd love to see where this story goes.. Update soon?

Author's Response: Thanks! :) I will update soon. Hope you like it.

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Review #5, by TidalDragon Prologue

15th April 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by from the review thread in the CR!

From just the brief summary I thought this was going to be an excellent choice going in and your writing absolutely vindicated that in this chapter. You showcased a real talent for description and language in this chapter.

In terms of descriptions I particularly liked the opening sequence where you set the scene, describing the lighting carefully and casting a pure tone over the beginning that ended up fading to darkness much as the chapter did from beginning to middle. I liked what you were going for with the detailed focus on the blood too. I thought you maybe just crossed the line with the number of comparisons there, but regardless the idea was good.

Your word choice throughout was also largely impeccable as I mentioned. You used stronger words, particularly adjectives than I find from many authors and you didn't allow yourself to fall into the trap of commonplace synonyms either. The way you personified various elements in the story, like the snow and the wind was also a nice touch that enhanced your already strong descriptions of the setting.

I also enjoyed the characterization of the lady in the windows (Maggie Bagshot?). While she didn't speak much, you showed us a lot about her through the style of her observations, the things she noticed, and how she commented upon them. I don't know if there will be more of her later in the story, but regardless, this type of characterization via internal thoughts was great and I hope you keep it up as you go forward.

The only things I noticed that you might look at if you decided to edit at all were both minor. When Teddy appears at the window, you end two sentences in a row with the same word (window) and it just sounded a little off as I read it. I think it jumped out at me because your word choice throughout had been so excellent that it made this aberration more noticeable. The other was in your comparison of the drops of blood to rubies. You broke up the initial comparison and the enhancement "like sick, splintered rubies" and it just seemed more natural to me to fuse them. Still, since that's all that really caught my attention you should know that I was really impressed.

This was a great start to what I think could definitely be a great story! I'm adding it to my reading list immediately!

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Review #6, by adluvshp Prologue

14th March 2014:
Blackout Battle 9/20

Hey! You're certainly a very talented writer. I absolutely loved the way you wrote this chapter. It had the air of suspense throughout and the descriptions were so intense that I was hooked.

I love the plot of the mystery too. The way we saw it from three different angles was a nice and interesting touch. I am very curious to see how the story progresses. The prologue definitely served its purpose =)

The only CC I'd say is that in some places, things are a little confusing, and the dialogue somewhat awkward to read, but apart from that this chapter was pretty much perfect. I'd say a thorough re-read could help you fix and smooth over the chapter.

Great writing otherwise! I really enjoyed this, and it sets a very promising tone for the rest of the story.


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Review #7, by Lululuna Prologue

6th March 2014:
Hi Adi! :)

Wow, I love this so much! There's so much eerie mystery and beautiful writing and gah. I'm so confused and curious about what's going on, and I can't wait to find out more.

First of all, I like how you began the story with the two Muggle men. It was a very JKR-ish move in that I don't think they are characters in the story beyond that scene, but they set up the atmosphere and the danger immediately.

Snow, like a deceptive veil, hid all the graying stones with teary epitaphs; it masked death in its beauty and obscured the vision of decaying bones beneath the earth.This line, like all the images describing the graveyard, was gorgeous. I have this image of a poetic narrator stepping back and whispering this story in my ear and making all these things become vivid and illuminated. The ominous stillness of the graveyard, the blanket of snow, the chill and danger in the air... beautiful writing.

It's very interesting that the men didn't want to speak of it again, that what they saw frightened them so. That makes me think that the two bodies have something extra sinister about them, as the men don't call the police or speak of it or anything. I wonder who the people are - right now I'm a little worried they might be Harry and Ginny, going to visit Harry's parents' graves, but I'm not sure! Who could the knife belong to, and why not a wand? Hmm.

The two bodies neither looked like friends, nor enemies. This was such a unique description to make and took me a little farther away from thinking they were Harry and Ginny. But I suppose that could be the nature of death - the dead are never friends or enemies, they are just dead.

Maggie Bagshot poking her head out her window intrigues me. I wonder if she is perhaps Bathilda's illegitimate daughter, or some sort of manifestation or ghost? Either way, she seems very chilling. I suspect her. :P Your descriptions of her were beautiful as well, with the image of the window, and how lonely she is and how she misses her husband, along with the spooky idea of him being in the graveyard. Everything comes back to the graveyard, doesn't it?

This is an amazing start, Adi! I can't wait to read on when you update, I'll be keeping an eye out! :) ♥

Gry/Sly Battle Round 2 - Review 7 of 15

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 Prologue

6th January 2014:
Hi! For the Eleventh Day of the Twelve Days of Reviewing, I'm reviewing mystery stories.

Oh no... Are Harry and Ginny DEAD?! From what I gathered--Teddy visiting the old woman and asking if something had happened, the man and woman side by side in the snow... It all seems to fit. If I am right (which hopefully, I'm not!), then who killed them? Why were they killed? Was it the work of ex-Death Eaters? This is such a curious beginning. I want to know more!

The old woman was a Bagshot--that's a nice touch! From that and the statue of Harry and his parents, I can gather very well that they're in Godric's Hollow, the place where another Bagshot woman died. This seems significant to me--it seems that a lot of bad things happen in Godric's Hollow: two Dumbledores dead, two Potters dead, one Bagshot dead, and a Potter and a Granger attacked by a snake. Now it would seem that there are more deaths. Does the madness ever stop?!

Great beginning! I hope that you update soon so that I can find out what happens next!


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Review #9, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Prologue

19th November 2013:
Hey Adi!!

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to come and review this! I'm so excited to see it up here!!

Your descriptions at the start paint a lovely and very vivid picture. You already start building an atmosphere too which is great. When reading I instantly have a feeling of dread almost. I'm definitely preparing myself for the worst. The suspense leading up to the bone chilling scream though is done very well and I both do and don't want to know what the men have seen to cause such strong reactions.

We find out though and it's not a pretty sight. Again, I love you descriptions here. Especially the part about the blood mingling with the crushed icicles making rubies. Beautiful imagery there, even though the topic isn't beautiful! I'm also left with a burning curiosity at the end of this little section. Who are these people and why are they dead? Why are they together in the graveyard. So many questions and so few answers... I want to know more!

We then move to the last section and I find I'm left with more questions than answers! Teddy obviously knows something has happened, and so does Maggie. Murder is far more common and Maggie just seems to talk in riddles. I liked her as a character though and I hope we see more of her and get some explanation as to why she is that way.

In this first chapter you most definitely grab a readers attention!! Great imagery and descriptions and you've done an awesome job of building the suspense.

Oh and thank you for the thank you my dear! I'm honoured to beta this for you! I'm really enjoying every second and I can't wait for the next chapters!

Lauren :)

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Review #10, by nott theodore Prologue

13th November 2013:
Adi! I'm so glad that you requested this review because I've been so short on time recently, and it means I finally got to read more of your brilliant writing! (By the way, you don't need to re-request, just poke me constantly when you put the next chapter up until I review). I've been so excited for this story and you've surpassed my expectations with this prologue!

The way you started this off was so fitting for this story, I think. Your description at the beginning was so lovely, almost lyrical, and the sort of atmosphere it built up was calm and serene. The way that you then went on to shatter that illusion through the story was so effective. If anything, I think your descriptions actually improved as you went further through the chapter - at the beginning they were lovely but later on you used more original description and it created a lot of tension and fear as you intended it to.

With regards to whether or not this works as a suspense builder, I'd say definitely. This is such a good opening to a mystery that I'm a little jealous I haven't written it myself :P The structure and writing style flows well but at the same time is kind of fractured (I'm not sure if that makes any sense) which really helps to build up the idea that something is going to happen. Starting the story focusing on the Muggle characters helped introduce the mystery element immediately by providing us with unfamiliar characters. From the point where they entered the graveyard I was constantly asking questions, constantly trying to work out what was going on, and the suspense didn't let up at all. I want to know what happened to the two people in the graveyard, who they were, why it happened, whether or not magic is involved...

I have a few little points of CC for you. My first is about the formatting, which makes it a bit more difficult to read, because there are massive spaces around the line breaks. I'd also just watch out for a couple of other things: at one point you say that he wants to empty his intestines - I'm pretty sure that should be stomach. Then there was also "distributaries of a river" - I think you mean 'tributaries' here.

The character I'm most intrigued about so far is definitely Maggie Bagshot. As I read the descriptions of her, I was actually thinking that she reminded me of the way that Bathilda had been described in the books, but since this is a Next Gen story it wouldn't have made any sense. There's something almost sinister about her, not necessarily quite to the same degree as Bathilda in the books, but it's quite unnerving. She seems to be this omniscient sort of character and I want to know why and how she knows all of these things, and why she's choosing not to share them. In a short chapter, you've constructed a great character already there, and I'm really impressed.

I love the idea of Teddy investigating what's going on, and I'm really interested to see how that will develop. The fact that we found out all of this is actually taking place in Godric's Hollow and that there could be some connection to Harry makes me really curious. One thing I do wonder is why Teddy would have gone to a stranger's house first if Harry lived just up the road - or perhaps he isn't in touch with Harry any more, since he seemed not to know that detail?

I can't wait to see where you go next with this story, Adi, and I hope that maybe I'll have hints of answers at least in the next chapter!

Sian :)

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Review #11, by CambAngst Prologue

7th November 2013:
Tagging you from Review Tag!

I thought this was a great start to a mysterious story. You created an amazing atmosphere of uncertainty and danger and an ominous sort of vibe. I felt like you included just enough information to whet my appetite. I have a sense of when the story is happening and where, but not much in the way of what. The who is also sketchy and I haven't a clue as to the why. It really makes me want to read more. You are going to write more, aren't you? ;)

Your descriptions of the characters surroundings was beautifully done. You definitely have a gift for painting lovely, detailed landscapes for your story. Not only the visual details, but also the auditory and tactile. I absolutely loved it!

Starting the story off with the two unfamiliar muggle characters was a nice touch, I thought. It helped to preserve the sense of mystery by not starting us off with anything familiar. The story was also much more tense when told through their eyes.

I liked the way that you not only told us that Maggie Bagshot was old, you demonstrated it in every little detail about her and her reactions. Some relation of Bathilda's, I would imagine?

And then finally you started to slip in some of the real meat of the story. This is all taking place in Godric's Hollow, and Teddy Lupin is there to investigate whatever is happening. Lastly the scream helped to cement the two distinct scenes together in time.

One thing I saw that I wasn't sure about was the very first sentence: A single slanted line of yellow light connected the dark gray night clouds to the white expanse on the Earth below, signaling the end of another night. Did you mean to say "another day"? Everything else about the scene feels like things are getting darker, not lighter.

Brilliant job! This is a fantastic beginning and my hat is off to you and Lauren for excellent editing! I hope there is much more to come.

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Review #12, by Cavell Prologue

5th November 2013:
Hi! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review, finally :p To start, can I just say that from what I've read so far, your descriptions are beautifuuul. You feel like you're really there with them, and it's only the start of the chapter, so well done with that! While the dialogue is at times difficult to understand, it did flow rather naturally, as did the whole chapter. You make the reader curious about Gerard and Williamson from the very beginning of the chapter, especially about the incident and why they ran away and what they were doing there in the first place (the last, by the way, wasn't explained and I would have quite liked an explanation). I just can't with your description, it's actually lovely. It's not too much so as to overwhelm the reader, but enough for them to picture it very vividly. Considering I'm awful at description myself, I'm really impressed with this.

The spacing, by the way, gets a little odd when you use the line breaks, but that should be an easy enough fix if you get a chance to edit this. Your grammar and spelling is rather good as well, and I found no mistakes, though there is something I want to point out -- you use a single apostrophe for your dialogue, and while that is generally acceptable, sometimes it simply looks odd with your writing, but that's probably just me being picky, so don't mind it if you want to.

All in all, this was honestly a lovely read and very intriguing and I would love to read more when you get a new chapter up! The prologue itself was very mysterious in every sense of the word, and I loved the addition of a familiar face in Teddy, and he himself seemed quite in character, though I can't say that for sure since we get such a brief glimpse of him. The suspense element works very well and your writing is just really nice and easy to read, so well done! Thanks for requesting, and feel free to re-request on another story if you want. See you around the forums!


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Review #13, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Prologue

25th October 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I love the premise that you establish in the story summary: evil is afoot a generation after Voldemort's downfall. :)

You develop a dark and creepy tone from the very beginning of the prolog, and keep the suspense up through to the very end.

There were a couple of vocabulary issues that jumped out at me. The first is, "Williamson rushed forward and fought back the urge to throw up the contents of his intestines when he saw what was lying in front of them." I think "intestines" should be "stomach," because I don't think you can actually throw up your intestinal contents.

The other one I noticed is, "They formed trails in the snow and branched out like distributaries of a river;" I think you mean "tributaries," here.

Also, I thought this line here was a little repetitious, and didn't fit the overall tone as well: "Like sick, splintered pink rubies."

The old woman who Teddy Lupin encounters at the end is especially spooky. I think she provides the best chill in the prolog. I love your vivid description of her voice here, "her throat opening up in a croaky, uneven whisper. She had been accustomed to silence and her voice had been stored away in her larynx, like an old music box in a dust coated attic."

This is also very creepy: "'Maggie Bagshot.' Her whisper clashed with the sound of the closing window, but the winds carried her words up to Teddy Lupin's ears..." :)

I'm left with many questions at the end of this chapter, which I assume is by design. Is she related to Bathilda Bagshot? Is she alive or a ghost? And what did she see, exactly? Does she know who the bodies were?

The story is very intriguing so far! :)

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Review #14, by marauderfan Prologue

21st October 2013:
Hello there my friend! It's marauderfan here with your requested review. :)

Ok, first of all, the first paragraph: beautiful. I love the imagery there. I can picture it perfectly in my mind, and it's nice and dark which sets the tone for the whole prologue.

You asked how you handled the prologue. I definitely think there is an element of suspense in there, and that you wove the suspense in and mystery in very well. Your vivid imagery throughout is also really wonderful, it adds so much to the story and sets the scene well. And I like the way you illustrated three different scenes in order to show the mystery from a couple of angles, which will all be tied together later.

In the beginning section there's an area you might want to take a look at again: Williamson rushed forward and fought back the urge to throw up the contents of his intestines when he saw what was lying in front of them. His companion's face was white and his eyes, the size of saucers. His mouth stayed open, as if in mid-scream

When I read that, I assumed that Gerard was dead, based on the way the sentences flow into one another - it sounds like what was lying in front of Williamson was his companion. (In the rest of the paragraph that's cleared up, but I think it would eliminate confusion to just fix it up a little so it's clear that they are both alive and shocked at seeing what is lying on the ground before them.

Overall, this is a promising start, and a really effective hook, I'm eager to read more! Lovely work on this chapter. :)

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Review #15, by kristyhes Prologue

21st October 2013:
Review request from forum :)

So I think that you're a very talented writer.. I could see it from the way you wrote this chapter.. Your description of the scenery and every little thing was so detailed that I could easily picture it in my head..

As for the element of suspense you don't have to worry because it's present throughout the whole chapter.. For a prologue I think that you did great because it makes the reader want to know more about the story..

Well I will surely be waiting to read more about it. So hopefully I'll be reviewing in once more very soon..


Author's Response: Hi there :)

Woah. thank you so much! That is high praise indeed. I'm really glad that you liked my descriptions. I was certainly trying to paint a vivid picture with all this imagery!

I'm happy that the tone of suspense rang through well enough. I'll be u[dating this in June, and I hope to be fairly regular from then on.

Thanks for the review, and I hope to see you back here as well ;)

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Review #16, by MissesWeasley123 Prologue

19th October 2013:

I am oozing in jealousy right now. Absolutely oozing. THIS IS NOT FAIR, WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH TALENT. AGH.

First of all, this is literal beauty. Your descriptions are something worth envy m'dear. These lines took my breath away:

The world around them was tinted blue as the light, still breaking through the cloud, graced only selected patches of snow. It was an ethereal sight. -- Your vocabulary is amazing. So good.

Snow, like a deceptive veil, hid all the graying stones with teary epitaphs; it masked death in its beauty and obscured the vision of decaying bones beneath the earth. -- That scene you painted was so vivid and clever, my mind was utterly blown away by it. So chilling, just like the winter.

Gerard is such a fabulous name, WHY can't I come up with names like that?! Seriously, you must give me lessons. His and Williamson's death was so well described, I shivered at the end. WAH.

Your writing's so much more different from Knew It All Along... It's so much more improved, if you don't mind me saying. You were amazing to begin with, and so seeing you even better than that is so amazing and inspiring.

Teddy! MWUAH! Haven't read him in a while, I like your characterization of him... Any chance Victoire's going to get mysteriously killed...? I can have him then. Yep.

Maggie Bagshot's character is very mysterious. I think she could be Bathilda's sister perhaps, or niece... hm.. questions questions..

This was perfect. Nothing else I can say. I love it!

Nadia ♥

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Review #17, by Violet Gryfindor Prologue

19th October 2013:
This introduction to your story is intriguing. Very intriguing. There's a lot of mystery here, bringing to mind something like the Potteverse version of the X-Files or Sleepy Hollow - weird, macabre crimes tinged with supernatural elements. It's not at all what I was expected based on the banner and summary - I like it much better because of the dark, suspenseful atmosphere that you construct in this first chapter. It's a fantastic way to begin because of the way it captures the reader's attention. There's a lot of potential here, and it's exciting to think of where you could take this next.

One major point you should consider working on in your writing are the descriptions because, while you're clearly trying to make them affecting and poetic, you are mixing metaphors and dangerously approaching purple prose. This purpleness especially comes through in the lines like "the fading light kissed the snow delicately" - it's a sadly overused image, so unless you're writing parody, it's something to avoid. Those first two paragraphs are overloaded with different kind of images and metaphors - there's light, colour, personification - and as a result, it's actually difficult to imagine the scene. What's going on in the first paragraph doesn't wholly match up with the second. Your descriptions improve a lot by the time you get to the final section - the image of Maggie Bagshot in the doorway was striking. There, you included just enough description and it made her feel very real throughout that scene.

My second point of criticism is very nit-picky, but when you say that Williamson wants to throw up, he can't actually do so from his intestines. It's only when the food is in his stomach and esophagus that he can regurgitate it. Similarly, in the last section, Maggie first says that Harry Potter lives down the road, then she says that he lives up the road - it's just one of those funny details that are easy to fix. :)

I'm definitely going to keep my eye out for more of this story because you've piqued my curiosity. If these strange occurrences are building toward the return of Voldemort, then what do they mean? Why would Voldemort use weapons instead of spells? Has he lost his magic? Or is there something else attacking people, perhaps a werewolf or some other magical creature? You've got a great idea for a story here - please update soon! :D

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Review #18, by patronus_charm Prologue

19th October 2013:
Here for the review swap!

Yay for Coldplay lyrics! I thought I recognised them, so I went to the bottom of the page and I was glad to be proved correct. Plus, listening to Violet Hill while reading this made it connect to me a lot more. A small OCD time of mine so feel free to ignore it, but there was a lot of blank space at the beginning of the chapter and purely for presentation reasons it might be a good idea to minimise. :)

On with the review though!

This, ĎA single slanted line of yellow lightí and this, ĎThe fading light kissed the snow delicatelyí was some really lovely description! In fact, there were lots of lovely pieces of it throughout the story and it really showed how far youíve come since I last read your work and itís exciting to think about how far you could go!

The horror of Gerard and Williamson was written really well. It had me on tenterhooks and the way you kept the suspense up with waiting until the next section was a great idea, as it made even more eager as to why Gerard felt like his intestine was like that. The description of their death was really horrible, and I mean that in a good way with how it gave me shivers! I can just picture their bodies, the blood and the knife so clearly in my mind that I might have to do something about it before I sleep.

Your dialogue was really fitting in this story with the way you adapted it for characters. It really showed the divide between characters and their social standing and added a lot of freshness to the story.

The link to Canon was great! I like the idea of Teddy being an investigator now as it keeps him attached to what Tonks did. Maggie Bagshot characterisation was also really good and Iím eager to see what relation she is of Bathilda. Then the Potters just living down the street! It certainly is looking a little suspicious.

A really good first chapter, and thanks for the swap!


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Review #19, by maraudertimes Prologue

18th October 2013:
I'm here with your requested review!

This is very intense!

Your descriptions are very well thought out and all the details are very precise.

The POV was a little scattered, but I realize that it's part of your story! :)

The tone is very creepy, mysterious, and scary, but overall, very intriguing!

Now some CCs:

When you were trying to describe how long it took for the old woman to reply, maybe just put why she was taking so long to do so? Also, stretch that part out because it's supposed to take a while. Describe menial things like the way the woman saw Teddy, the scenery behind him, etc. Anything to make that time stretch out for the readers.

I would have liked to know what the two dead people were going to add to the story. And why Maggie Bagshot is so strangely knowledgeable about those things.

But, with all that said and done, this is really cool and interesting and I hope you keep writing this. I really enjoyed it! :)

Lo :)

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Review #20, by Rumpelstiltskin Prologue

16th October 2013:
Review tagging from the forums!

This is the first Next Generation story that I have ever read. I've been a tad frightened by this era to be quite honest. I am not disappointed, however!

The imagery that you have created her is hauntingly beautiful. Actually one of my favorite pieces of imagery is the last line of the first paragraph ("The fading light.") The personification was expertly executed and this is particularly what drew my curiosity to the rest of the chapter.

What I often look for in writing is eloquence and sharpness. You have captured both here! I especially loved this brilliant example, "the pristine expanse of plain white." There are many other phrases like this in your story that are well written and words that are very crisp.

The rhythmic pattern pattern of your story (stressed verses unstressed terms) does not follow any typical method that I have seen but is wondrously present. This assists the flow greatly. The particular uniqueness of this struck me as absolute genius (whether it was deliberate or not). The suspense created thusly is just fantastic!

If I were to pick any Next Generation character to read, it would be Teddy Lupin. I am very interested to see where you are going to take him.

At any rate, this was a fantastic start and I am looking forward to seeing more!


Author's Response: Hi there Rumpel! Sorry for the extremely late response.

I am proud to have given you your very first nextgen. I hope it warmed you up to the era, and made you crave for more.

Phew. I'm glad to hear the the description worked in creating those hauntingly beautiful scenes in the reader's mind. I was really nervous about it. It was to set the tone of this novel. I'm glad to hear that it worked.

I'm also pleased to hear that you liked my writing style :) It really boosts my confidence.

I was going for that feel, so it is quite deliberate *sheepish grin* Thank you!

Teddy Lupin is a minor character in my story. But you will see him enough :)

Thank you for taking the time out to review. It's really lovely, and has left a huge grin on my face!

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Review #21, by bellatrixlestrange123 Prologue

16th October 2013:
I'm here for our review swap!

Ok, so, First impressions: wow! you had me completely hooked from the beginning right up to the very end. The intricate details at the start of the chapter were very remarkable written. There was almost a cloud over my eyes as I read the chapter. So much mystery but that is what made the chapter so thought provoking.

Your description of the old woman was so creepy and life like. your writing holds a very haunting quality and it's very good that you didn't make any revelations until the very end of the chapter.

Very well done and good luck with the challenge!

Bella :)

Author's Response: Hello :)

I'm so glad you liked the writing and the mystery element. I really haven't tried my hand in this genre before, so I'm glad to have gotten such a positive response.

Thank you for your lovely praise :) This review made me very happy, and I hope to update this soon of you'd like to keep a look out :p (shameless, but self-publicity hurt no one. :p)

Thanks for your review :) and I'm sorry for taking so long to respond :(

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Review #22, by Cannons Prologue

16th October 2013:
Hi again, here with your requested review!

YAY! First review! ( I hope, wouldn't it be embarrassing if I wasn't and someone had just got in before me!)

Anyway, I thought this was a really special start to this story. It was just the right length for a prologue, enough to build up the suspense you were going for and at the same time not giving too much away, whilst reeling in the interest of the reader. So great job.

I have to say that your description throughout was amazing, so detailed and I think this was a great help in building up the suspense. It reminded me a bit of 'Lee Child's' style. (I hope you've heard of him)

One of my favourite lines was 'They formed trails in the snow and branched out like distributaries of a river' That was such a powerful image, another one 'Snow, like a deceptive veil, hid all the graying stones with teary epitaphs; it masked death in its beauty and obscured the vision of decaying bones beneath the earth.'

I'll stop there because I would just quote the whole thing other wise, but yeah your detail defiantly sets the scene.

For some reason before you said that it was Teddy, I was like 'no don't open the window, it's Tom Riddle!' stupid me! and another great image here 'His eyes were painted in the shade of dawn's golden light ' but yeah I'll stop quoting now, otherwise I'll have the whole thing here.

I am horrible with grammar but I think I noticed a grammar thing but you had a beta so ignore me if this is wrong -

'she was in no position recount the story with precision' - I think there should be a 'to' in there, or the sentence needs to changed maybe I don't know..

LOL, at my attempt with grammar, anyways I really enjoyed reading this, the detail was amazing. You really left me with so many questions like 'Do the muggles have anymore to do with it' and ' what does she mean when she says ''Something always happens on this road, because Harry Potter lives down this road' and who killed the muggles and why and more.. so I hope you continue with this ( I don't know if you are because you mentioned a challenge ) but I hope you do.

Great work!


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