Reading Reviews for Eterno - Timeless
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by toomanycurls 1. The special cheer-up drink

10th November 2013:
Just from looking at the characters and ships, I can tell this is going to be quite the interesting ride. I'm led to believe that Becky will end up writing about or reliving parts of these people's lives. That's quite an exciting prospect!!

I like that you open up with a lively scene without a ton of preamble. It's instantly engaging. I can totally relate with the feeling of not having anything cool to brag about with classmates - that's a lot of pressure especially after getting fired.

I love the idea of a Ravenclaw club but ex-Ravenclaw sounds like they all dropped out. "Beloved by Ravenclaw alumni" might fit better (I mean, my alumni associate doesn't call us ex-Huskies.) Though, that's a pretty minor thing.

You do a great job showing how well Liz knows Becky (and how close they are) by having her show up to make Becky leave and by bringing clothes for her to wear. She had Becky pegged as a possible no show.

It's quite interesting that Harry kicked Becky out. I'm quite curious why he did that (I mean, what what the action that got that snide/Snape-like comment from him?). I hope that gets mentioned in a future chapter.

I feel bad for Becky with her friends scrutinizing her career/non-career. Though, it does fit with what I'd expect Claws to do.

John the bartender - what's his game? I do think there was something special in that drink based on the dream she gets later on. I've never thought about wizards pursuiing muggle careers. That's quite the interesting notion!

I can relate to Becky loving a book character (but not for being devoted to one like she it)

I thought her dress was green? I might have mis-read that part though.

The dream sequence is quite intense. My gut reaction is that she's dreaming as Tonks trying to get to Remus. As I mentioned above, I think it had to do with the drink.

Saved by Liz! I'm so glad she didn't have to wade through that emotional bog alone.

This seems quite interesting so far!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi :-)
Thank you for the lovely review.

I'm happy to hear it sounds interessting, because I was really worried about the first chapter. The story takes about three chapters to hit the core so, I'm glad the start is worth a read ^^

There will definitly be more about the Harry conflict later. Youre right. Its a very Snapelike comment, but it felt right in ther situation.
Overall it's always nice to know how others expect the story to turn and this definitly got me some thinking to do :-)

Thanks for the awesome review!

Love,
T.


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Review #2, by Bellatrixlestrange123  2. Dreams and wishes?

28th October 2013:
Hi there!

I remember reading and reviewing chapter one so I'm glad you agreed to the review swap so I could read chapter two! OK, so I'm very envious about your style of writing in this chapter *evil face* You form such smooth sentence that flow together to make just smooth paragraphs. Your writing style is effortless and I envy your ability to make dialogue so convincing. The humour in the dialogue and Rebecca's obvious emotion is so clear and easy to understand but it's delivered through detail so well done!

I think you have a wonderful story start here and I wish you all the best with the rest of if! Just watch out for the pesky grammer here and there even though there was virtually no grammer, punctuation or spelling mistakes!

Keep up the good work and thank you so much for the lovely review you left on my story :)

Bella x

Author's Response: Thanks so much!
I'm always quite worried if the dialoges are convincing and real, so it means the world to me to read your review :-)
Seriously made my day ^^

Thanks so much!


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Review #3, by Cannons 1. The special cheer-up drink

21st October 2013:
Hi here with your requested review!

I think this is a very promising start to a story, as always the first chapter lets the reader decide if they would like to read on.

I liked how you explored the Ravenclaw traits and how she felt her friends would be worried for her because she had got sacked. You wrote the section well in the club where they are quizzing her, there is always one who is overly persistent and won't let it go, even when its uncomfortable.

There are a few things which I feel could be improved, I recommend that you get a beta to read through it and correct it for you and at the beginning you switch from third person to first person so you might want to change that. There were some really good lines in there but there were also lines and phrases that were a bit off. So I recommend getting a beta just to smooth things over and they can explain it to you as well. I think I read that you said that English wasn't your first language so I'm very impressed that you've produced this.

A promising start, keep writing!

Cannons!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :-)
I'm glad you liked it.
I thought about getting a beta, so yeah, I really should to that. I know I tend switch a little.

Love,
T.


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Review #4, by bellatrixlestrange123 1. The special cheer-up drink

16th October 2013:
Hey there! I'm here for our review swap!

Okay so I liked this a lot! the mood was great from the start, very uplifting and relaxing. I liked the way it was kind of abstract too and your way of portraying the relationship of two best friends was very good!
I like the way you write Becky, very detailed descriptions of her thoughts and the way she is feeling, especially after her dream towards the end.

With most reviews come a teeny weeny bit of criticism as well (just a small bit). Firstly, there was just some minor tense problems at the start: You started off in the third person 'Rebecca was sitting in front of her desk' but then soon after switched to the first person for the rest of the chapter. Don't worry, I make silly mistakes like that al of the time! Secondly, this isn't criticism but I think your chapter would flow better if you rearrange some of your paragraphs or add some more things to them so they are more embedded within each other and easier to read.

Overall, this was a very nice fic to read! Very refreashing so well done and good luck with this story!

Bella :)

Author's Response: Hi :-)
Thanks for the rewview. I'm glad you liked it overall.
Arent we all here for the critism? Isn't it why we crave reviews? I'm always happy and needy for some feedback, as I am not a native speaker, so anything is always welcome =) so Thanks!

Love,
T.


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