Reading Reviews for Corbeau
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna Raven

30th October 2013:
Hello! :) I'm here for your requested review!

I love the use of the song, especially since I have some knowledge of French. It's very lovely and poignant, and I listened to it while reading the piece. It gave the moment of Cedric's death for Cho a feeling of time moving slow, and shock and grief, which I thought was great.

One idea I had (and feel free to ignore this, it's just a thought! :)) would be to include allusions to the lyrics in the actual text of the story. So after a section where the lyrics say she can't be free like Cedric, you could add a few words or ideas to reinforce the lyrics themselves. I feel like this is such a lovely and creative piece, but you could even go a little farther and really relate the lyrics and sentiment a little more. Maybe she even sees a raven fly by, and is reminded of death? :)

(Also: speaking of ravens, that banner is stunning! :))

I like how you chose to write about Cho and Cedric as I haven't seen many stories about them. It's sad that here she pined for him for so long, though it would make sense that she would harbour guilt and grief for a long time. I think the grief and passion really came through nicely.

"Life can be cruel. No, not life. Life can beautiful and bitter. Itís the people in it that can be cruel. " - I like this line a lot, it's very raw and pretty. :)

One thing I would have liked a little more of would be details specifically relating this story of grief to Cho and Cedric. It felt a little bare in terms of their individual relationship, and the moments where Cho's memories of Cedric were described was really effective in situating the story, in my opinion. Does she see things that remind her of him? Does she have a picture of him she hides under her pillow? Does she remember a time he made her laugh, or the first time they kissed? Does her family try t comfort her? Moments like this, even just hinted at, would help in putting the story into the context of this specific tragedy in my opinion. :) Again, just a suggestion, so feel free to ignore it!

I like how the whole piece read a little like a love letter, and how Cho seemed to sign it at the end. It's like a memoir she had addressed to him throughout different stages in her life which I really liked.

Good job with this, and I hope my comments are at least a little helpful! :)

Author's Response: Hello, thanks so much for your review! I'm so glad you like the song and think it fits with the story:) You're right about the details, they definitely would add more to the depth. I'm happy you like the fact that it's written like a love letter:)

Thanks again for your awesome review!
-LumosWeasley


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Review #2, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Raven

28th October 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

Your insight into Cho's view of Cedric's death is poignant and gripping. This line, especially, pulled me in to her state of mind: "To them, you're gone. But I can't believe it. I won't. This isn't real. It's only a nightmare."

I really like how you use present tense to make readers feel like they there are in each moment with Cho. I did find some occasional conflicts between the verb tenses you use, as here: "Then, my feet are moving without knowing where they are taking me; my voice screaming louder than I ever have in my life, yet I was unaware of the piercing shriek escaping my lungs." In this case "I was unaware" doesn't quite fit; you might change it to "I'm unaware."

Here is one other verb tense conflict: "Memories burst through my mind like water flowing through the cracks of a dam that was about to give way." Here, I might just change "was" to "is."

I love Cho's wise words, here: "Life can be cruel. No, not life. Life can beautiful and bitter. It's the people in it that can be cruel." :)

There was one other thing that I might change: "Slowly, years later, I'm starting to escape that creature with such strong hold in my heart." - The statement "Slowly, years later" doesn't quite fit with the feeling of immediacy of the rest of the piece. Perhaps you could begin the sentence with "I'm starting," and let the details in your writing signal to the reader that time has passed.

I got the sense early on in this piece that this could be a letter from Cho to Cedric, and so I was very pleased at the way that she signs it at the end. :)

I was unfamiliar with the lovely song you based this story on before reading it, and was inspired to seek it out and listen to it as a result. Thank you for including the translation of the lyrics in your note!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your helpful review! I will definitely go back and fix those issues. I'm glad you're much better at grammar than I am:P That song is so pretty and I'm happy that people are discovering it:)

Thanks again for your lovely review!
-LumosWeasley


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Review #3, by 800 words of heaven Raven

28th October 2013:
Hello, here with your review swap!

Okay, I know you said that you have a Jily one-shot coming up soon, and it's not up yet, so I chose to read this instead. I promise to be back in the next couple of days to take a look, though, because I adore Jily and one-shots are cool.

I haven't seen a song fic in so long, and I think I've really missed them. They can be so awesome when they're done right - which this one is. I was so happy that I didn't have to use your translations as much as I thought I would (yay high school French!), but that's neither here nor there.

I love the way you've structured this! It's actually gorgeous to look at on my screen. I adore italics when done right, and this is just fantastic.

In the second section, your last paragraph is absolutely gorgeous! I love the description! It reminds me of a Dementor attack, and I think that is just so fitting. Rowling wrote Dementors to represent depression as well, and keeping that in mind, Cho's grief is just so much more intense and vivid.

It breaks my heart to read of Cho's grief. And I love how it's still about her. She's talking to Cedric, but she never really talks about Cedric. I think it's great the way you've shown how focussed she is on herself, and it just adds another dimension to her character design.

This is just such a wonderful and emotive piece! I'm really glad to have found it!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, it's lovely! I'll have yours up in just a bit:)

I'm actually surprised that so many people on here know French, most reviewers said that they understood the lyrics. *happy dance* I was hoping that her emotions came through well, so I'm glad you think so! This was a really fun piece to write because I love emotional one-shots and characters that are overlooked. I hope you check out the Jily one when it's finally validated:)

Thanks again!
-Lumos


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Review #4, by shez Raven

23rd October 2013:
SO I've been taking French for five years and was thrilled to find how you've incorporated it into this fic. It gives the story a very poetic element, which in conjunction with your sparse prose, was refreshing to read. What I don't understand, however, is why you chose to make this dark angsty fic about Cho and Cedric. I personally don't see Cho pining for Cedric for 42 years (but to each his own, I suppose). Overall, the prose was excellent. The pairing, I question. I feel like it would be better suited for a darker, more tragic couple (Lucius and Narcissa? Bellatrix and herhusbandguywhat'shisface?).

Still, thanks for requesting this! It was lovely to read!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the lyrics:) Yeah, you're right about her pining for that long for Cedric. I am planning on going back through and changing that last bit a little to keep it from being too.. whiny? (not sure what word to use). Those pairings would definitely work for a one-shot like this. I wanted to try writing from Cho's perspective, so I hope it was ok:)

Thanks for your review!
-LumosWealey


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Review #5, by DumbledoresArmyOfOne Raven

20th October 2013:
Hello, I'm here from my review thread and... wow.

I think I'll write this in some kind of structure so I don't just end up gushing meaninglessly.

First of all, where did you find this perfect song? I speak French fluently, so I feel I can really appreciate how well you used these lyrics, and how seamlessly they fit into your story.I especially like the last lyric you used: "On joue au couteau et on peut partager le mÍme lit". I think it really reflects Cho's sentiment that 'now would be a nice time to die'(oh god that sentence)

Secondly, you have converted me! I've never really liked Cho, but this has changed my mind a little bit. I love how much impact Cedric's death had on her. i can't help but feel that if he had lived, they would have broken up eventually, but since he died, well, that must leave a scar that would never heal, and I think you showed that perfectly.

At first I wasn't sure about the style here- it seemed choppy, you used a lot of partial sentences and short paragraphs, but once I reached the end it seemed right. It was such a delicate way to portray these little flashes of Cho's life, and I think you pulled it off with a lot of elegance and beauty.

Finally, this line made me stop in my tracks:
"Life can be cruel. No, not life. Life can beautiful and bitter. Itís the people in it that can be cruel."

A beautiful line in a beautiful piece.

I'm so glad you shared this wonderfully thought out story with us. I really enjoyed it.
~Gilly

Author's Response: *does excited happy dance*

First of all, I'm so happy you liked it! I loved writing it and this review is awesome. That song is ome of my favorites and once I looked up the translation of them, I got the whole idea to write this about Cho. She was never a favorite character of mine either, possibly because she was never developed much past being Harry's love interest for a little while. I hoped that the style wasn't too out of the ordinary and that the progression of time was easy to see, so that's good that it made sense! That line was a really random thought in my head that I wanted to put in the story, so I'm glad it works:) Thanks for your lovely review!

-LumosWeasley


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Review #6, by academica Raven

20th October 2013:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review :)

First off, kudos for writing about an under-loved ship that I think has a lot of potential. I liked how you could see Cho's transformation throughout the piece, moving from grief to hating Cedric (in a way) to being glad to be close to him again. I also liked how you described her depression like an animal or disease feeding off of her, and how she eventually overcame it and grew stronger.

To be honest, I'm not too sure about the way you used the lyrics here. Because it's French, it was hard for me to figure out how they related without constantly jumping to and from the translation at the bottom. I also have trouble connecting the use of a French song to Cho's life--it seems like it would be more appropriate for Fleur mourning someone than Cho, since Fleur is French and knows the language. I can definitely understand being inspired by a poignant song you hear, but it can be tricky sometimes to translate that to use in a fic. To me, unfortunately, it seemed like the lyrics were just sort of inserted into the fic without really meshing well with the story itself. Now, bear in mind that I'm not a huge fan of songfics anyway and rarely write or read them on my own, so feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Something else that struck me is that this piece seems a teeny bit bare bones. I think you could add more detail to really show us the depths of how Cho is feeling. In addition, the way you describe her grief feels a little "generic" - that is, I think these feelings could be translated to anyone feeling grief. I would have liked to see more that felt like Cho to me and really built on what we know about her and Cedric and their short relationship. For instance, you could pull in little canon details as part of her memories of Cedric and what she misses about him.

I'm afraid this review is going to come off as being really critical, so hopefully you find it useful. I do want to point out that I loved your ending line - it's a great way of showing that Cho reconciled her changing feelings throughout the story and saw the beauty in her own pain.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello, thank you for the review!:)

I'm glad that the transformation and emotions came through. I understand that the language of the song might not add greatly to the story, it does make sense that it should be something about Fleur because its French. But I do appreciate the time you took to read and review, even if it is a songfic:) I think that's a really good idea to add more canon details to flesh out ther relationship, that can definitely help the story. CC is always really helpful, so thank you for all of your advice!

Thanks again
-LumosWeasley :)


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Review #7, by kristyhes Raven

15th October 2013:
Wow.. It's really sad...
The way you described it, I could almost feel her pain and when I read the lyrics in French (I'm bilingual) it contributed to the emotion of grief and bitterness in this story..

I think that you did great with this one-shot and let me tell you that it's one of the best that I've read so far!! Your writing style is really good so I think I'll take a look at your other stories if you have any.. :)

Toodles,
kristyhes(gryffiefan)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad that came through, especially in the lyrics:) I'm flattered that you think it's that good! *blushes* I loved writing this and I thought it was fun to write something about a lesser-written character. If you do take a look at my other stories, I would love any advice you offer:)

Thanks so much!
-LumosWeasley


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Review #8, by maraudertimes Raven

15th October 2013:
Hi! Here with your requested review!

First, I loved the French lyrics. Being a French speaker myself, I thought it added a touch of sadness but also beauty.
It was cool to read something that explored *Cho's* POV after Cedric's death.
Although I quite liked it, there was one thing. I don't know if Cho would just give up on her life. Maybe if she got married or something but it didn't work, and she said something to the effect of 'I tried to love him like I loved you, but I couldn't', I don't know.
I just don't think a teenage sweetheart would prompt a world of hurt for 40+ years.
But that's the only thing!
I really liked this story and I honestly loved that you used a French song, because it really does translate to the story and it adds sadness, romanticism and beauty to a really depressingly beautiful piece.
Kudos to you!

MT:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! That did seem a little weird to me when I wrote it, but I was trying to have a closing to the story. Your idea works really well though, I can mention that she has a husband and it might make it a little less dramatic in that aspect. I'm so glad that the song
worked, especially since you speak French! :)

Thank you!
-LumosWeasley


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Review #9, by Cannons Raven

15th October 2013:
Hi, here with you requested review!

Firstly I love languages so I got all excited and started translating them in google translate, only to find them at the bottom! :P

This was so depressingly beautiful. People forget how hard it must have been for Cho, when Cedric dies. Sure Hermione tries explaining it in the OoTP but it's not enough..

I loved how you have shown Cho at different stages after Cedric's death. You've shown that it doesn't always get better and sometimes you can't get over something. Which in a way is realistic, so I loved that about this.

I feel so bad for Cho in this though, she's so hard on herself! That's love sometimes though I suppose.

The line that struck me the most was this one -

'Life can be cruel. No, not life. Life can beautiful and bitter. Itís the people in it that can be cruel.'

I think you've done a great job on this, maybe get someone to look at the grammar if you want grammar advice because I'm useless with it.

Next time you write let me know, I'd love to read it! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your amazing review! It was fun to write about something that most people haven't thought of. I love languages too! I've always felt bad for her and it was a little disappointing how JKR didn't really explain much how she felt. Then again, it is told for Harry's perspective so it's not as emotional. Boys. I'm glad you liked that line! I might change that to be the summary, what do you think? Thanks again!

-LumosWeasley


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