Reading Reviews for Olympus
  
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maraudertimes Zeus

14th January 2014:
Okay, before I start: "The latter A..." Just a typo!
Now...

OHMYMERLIN! SAKURA!!! NO! WHY? WHAT??? So she was being Imperio'd the whole time? Of course! Sakura wouldn't do something like that! But who is Zeus? I'm so scared! What is happening? Is it a former Death Eater's kid? Is it a guy? A girl? A celestial being who prefers to be genderless?

Ooh! Lysander! ;)

That would be an amazing plot twist: Shira and Lysander making dear old Jamesie jealous and stuff would happen! (Also, totally still bummed out because of Sailor, but he'll survive hopefully... now who is this scrumptious new character and is Lysander hot? :P)

Teehee. "Electric eyes." For Zeus? HAHAHHAAHA! I need to calm down... And that pun at the end was priceless! I really liked this chapter, although I'm going to make you guess what's my least favourite thing about it...

The length! Hah, I told you anyways! Okay, so I'm going to go to sleep now, since I think I need it, but I promise to get to the next chapter ASAP!

This was really well done!
Lo:)

P.S. If I miss an update, feel free to hit me in the face with a virtual frying pan :D

Author's Response: Hey! I like how you just got the typo out of the way before getting to the actual review. I'll go fix that ASAP. I'm so glad that you're on Sakura's side, it did seem really out of character for her do go about killing people.

Zeus is, ahem, Lysander Scamander. I probably need to make that more clearer in the next chapters. He's going to play an important role in the not too distant future. Haha, I'm happy you liked the pun :)

I know I know, I just can't make it longer! It's killing me!
I'm sorry for not responding to this sooner, and I'll be giving you your review shortly! Life's been rather busy off late, so apologies for the delay! I shall PM you after an update, as hitting you with a virtual frying pan seems rather drastic ;)

-Soha (I think that it's time I started signing off on my responses)


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Review #2, by MissesWeasley123 Athena

6th January 2014:
Hi! Oh my god, I really need to catch up on this story! Also, this is for day 11 of the 12 Days of reviewing!

And - whoa. SAKURA? NO WAY! Something wants me to believe that it's not her, but I suppose it could e, huh? But she needs a motive... hmm..

AND I SENSE SOME MAJOR SHIRA/JAMES! Aw, that's so cute.. Him telling her that Sailor is a waste of time! I'm sure he would've told her that anyway, whether he likes her or not, but I'm just going to say he does so yeah.

There is just so much suspense! This truly is, a "mystery" haha! I'm actually really enjoying this, and again, I tip my hat to you for having such an original plot with brilliant characters.

Great work, and I promise I'll be back whenever I can be :)

Author's Response: YOU CAME BACK! Hooray!

I'm really struggling not to blurt out the entire plot over here. It's becoming too hard to resist. I'm so happy that the plot has got you thinking, it's exactly the reaction I was hoping for!

So many reviewers are saying that they ship Shira and James. I'm so thrilled honestly that it's becoming an actual ship! Thank you so much for all your encouraging words, they really made my day :)


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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 Demeter

6th January 2014:
Hi! For the Eleventh Day of the Twelve Days of Reviewing, I'm reviewing mystery stories. :D

So, in this first chapter, we get the mystery started right off the bat! I love the premise of this story--Greek gods and goddesses are so eternally interesting with all of their love affairs and petty dealings with humans. The twist that you've put on it all is EXTREMELY intriguing, and I promise you that I WILL be reading more of this story later on!

So, Ella Sprout=Demeter, goddess of the earth/nature, if I'm not mistaken. Her last name is Sprout, which indicates that she might be a relative of the old Herbology professor, Pomona Sprout. In essence, she is Mother Nature, and she was killed by being buried in the ground. (Or maybe she's not dead? That's just what I presumed.) I think that's very fitting--that the thing she's supposed to be the commander of has essentially been her undoing.

But who would want to kill the mortal "gods and goddesses" of Hogwarts? Who could "Hades" be? This is all very mysterious, and I really want to find out the whodunit!

Thanks for writing such a suspenseful beginning! You've got me wanting to read more right now, but alas, I must tend to other things before I return!

'Til next time!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! This is such an awesome review!

I must say, you should consider becoming a detective yourself. That whole analysis of Ella Sprout and her death...in what, five minutes? To think that I spent an entire month coming up with that. I'm so glad that you're curious to know more, it makes me feel that I have succeeded in some aspect of the story! I really do hope that you return to read more because I really love it when people actually think alongside reading the story, it leads to some very interesting ideas cropping up! Thanks again for this review :)


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Review #4, by BookDinosaur Poseidon I

30th December 2013:
Hi again! I'm here for the Fourth Day of the Twelve Days of Reviewing and because this review is overdue.

I really liked this chapter! I think the Underworld continues to be intriguing, and Albus is right, Shira is perceptive. She'd probably make a good addition to the Underworld if it wasn't for her mild claustrophobia and her unwillingness to join anyway.

And ooh, James is acting odd around Shira! Blushing when Al says he talked about her, walking together with her, talking to her, glaring at people who call her ghosty and not fighting with her! All this adds up to - James has a crush! :O I know, I know. I should be in the Underworld myself. :P

But ah, why is Sailor being so friendly to Shira? I definitely ship Shira/James (Shames?) so why is he suddenly paying attention to her? Isn't he dating Dom? I think Sakura's right, he's trying to get on everybody's good side to avoid being killed. Hmm.

I really like Shira's prediction that Hades will kill her at the full mooon, it makes sense and it's fitting to her goddess, and she's pretty smart to figure that out.

Ahh, what an ending! Sailor's going to be murdered, isn't he? Or at least Hades is going to try to kill him. You built up the suspense really well there. Gah, the suspense is too much, so Iím going on to read the next chapter. :D

You did a great job on this chapter, I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: HI Emily! Gosh, thank you so much for this amazing review!
Yes, you should be working in the Underworld seeing that you practically foretold half the plot :P Hm, I wonder why Sailor's being so nice too? Nobody seems to think that he is capable of doing so. Then again, he does come across as a tad bit full of himself. Aw, you ship Shira? James? That's probably one of the best things I've heard all day!

Thanks once again for this review! I hope that you continue to read the story as it progresses :)


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Review #5, by AlexFan Dionysus

14th December 2013:
After a very long time, I'm back with another review!

I'm getting pumped for this story because it is absolutely brilliant. I love the plot about it and it all seems so interesting.

This sounds a little bit morbid but I have to admit, as sad as these deaths are, they're pretty creative the way that they're being done. I didn't even think about why Ella was buried instead of just killed with the Killing Curse. I had just assumed that the murderer was sick and wanted to cause his victims as much pain as possible.

I completely forgot about the chapter title and I started guessing what God Fred was and then just as I came to the conclusion that he was Dionysus, I saw the chapter title and felt like such an idiot.

But there's another murder and I bet everyone is either going to start panicking about the deaths or making strange assumptions about it. Either way, I suspect that trust is not going to be a big thing among classmates.

I was thinking though, couldn't everyone find out who Hades is by figuring which God every other person was my indirect means and then finding the killer?

There were a couple of grammatical errors here and there but nothing all that big. I learned something new today as well, I've learned what an elegy is because I had no idea it was a poem.

Just out of curiosity, why does Shira have a bezoar in her robe pocket exactly? Does she carry it around just in case someone gets poisoned?

Author's Response: Hey!
I'm so glad you came back to read! I'm glad the deaths sounds pretty creative, that's the whole point of the story. The death correlates with the Greek god :)

Ah unfortunately, I'm actually in the middle of editing this particular chapter as some readers have given me wonderful suggestions on how to improve it. One of the things to edit is that Hades wasn't assigned to a student because he isn't really considered as an Olympian, being an outcast and all. Hence, it isn't so simple. Even to accommodate the bezoar, I'll have to tweak the plot. Oh, these plot holes will be the death of me. I'll be fixing those grammatical errors to and hopefully that chapter will be done by next year :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to review! This was wonderful to read :)


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Review #6, by BookDinosaur Athena

29th November 2013:
Ah hi again!

OMG. Seriously. You + Murder mystery plot = so much suspense. Sakura as the killer? But she's Shira's best friend! Although it would explain why Shira hasn't been targeted yet. Speaking of which, I would like to know how Hades will kill Shira. Hunting? Archery? A potion which causes you to explode into flames when you come into contact with the moonlight? The possibilities are endless, and I cannot wait to see how you play it. The same goes for James. :D

I love the Underworld of Hogwarts. It's all very mysterious, and well thought-out. I love how Al and James appear to have a good relationship despite being in dofferent houses, it's so sweet. :)

It's really interesting, how James hates Sailor. Since I'm a James/Shira shipper (Shames? :P) I'm hoping it's because James likes Shira. But I like Shira even more now because she's not trying to make any moves on Sailor because he has a girlfriend. It shows she does have some honour in her. :)

And also, I'm quite glad you provided an excuse for Shira having a bezoar in her pocket last chapter, I was wondering a bit about that. Carrying spare potions ingredients around is a better excuse than nothing!

And ahh, Sakura! Is she really the murderer? Gah, too much suspense.

Author's Response: Hello!
Haha, I'm glad that you like the suspense, I was hoping that I had pulled it off. See, I would really like to tell you how Hades plans to kill Shira, but that would be ruining the story for you, wouldn't it? ;) You'll just have to wait and watch :)
I should think that the sons of Harry Potter would believe that blood is thicker than water. I mean they are brothers after all, houses shouldn't have anything to do with their relationship. Al being in Slytherin doesn't change his fundamental character so I find it pretty easily to believe that they share an amiable relationship.
Shira, being the representative of Artemis, should consider honor and pride above anything else. Plus Dom is a really nice person and Shira couldn't bear to do anything that would hurt her. She does have the full right to be jealous, though.
I hope that you're enjoying the story!


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Review #7, by BookDinosaur Dionysus

29th November 2013:
Hey again! I decided that enough was enough and I should catch up on reviewing the rest of the story, because I do love reading it. :)

So, I loved how this chapter introduced everybody more, and having Professor Reed not attend class because of a 'headache' was a really good way of showing how a death like that affects everybody, even if they don't show it.

Seeing how affected everyone was from the killng was really interesting as well. People who had no sleep, Dominique crying, James interrogating Shira, Freddie just trying to comfort Dom. However, I think you need to tell us more about how Shira is feeling in relation to the murder. So far, you haven't really told us anything about that, escept for the standard greif that comes when a classmate is killed. How is she coping with this? Is she going to start suspecting everyone or just James? Is she going to start taking precautions and becoming paranoid? How scared is she? We as the reader need to know all these things.

I really love the whole sense of suspense and mystery that surrounds this chapter, and you did really well amping it up. So many questions, but not enough answers! You do a really great job of that.

At the end of the chapter, when Freddie and James were laughing and eating cupcakes together, I just thought that the whole atmosphere was too rowdy for after a funeral. Surely the whole school would have heard about the murder by this time, so I would think that the whole atmosphere of the castle would be very silent and suspicious. Personally, I think it would be a lot more believable if James was really sad and Freddie was stuffing all the cupcakes in his mouth to fool around a bit, and help him cheer up. Feel free to ignore this though, it was just a thought. :)

I did notice a couple of typos throughout the chapter, but nothing really disrupted the flow of the story, so well done there. The whole chapter went together and flowed very well, so well done there.

One thing I picked up on was that at the beginning, Shira says that the name Hades was written on Ella's forehead in Latin, and that was why James couldn't read it. As you know, when the Romans took the idea of the Greek gods, they changed their names, so the name Hades should have been written in Ancient Greek, because Hades was an ancient Greek god. If it was written in Latin, Ella's forehead should have been branded with the name Pluto. Just something I picked up. :)

Anyway, I just read over this review and it looks a little harsh. I hope you don't take it that way, I really do like this story. :)

Author's Response: Wow! For a minute I was wondering if I had requested another wonderful review!
This wasn't harsh at all! If anything, it's been the most helpful one I've got till date. I feel that more than ego massaging, reviews are about finding out ways that I can improve the story! There are so many plot holes that a writer misses when wrapped up in their story. It takes a reader to point them out and I am extremely happy that you did. I shall go back at once to fix the mistakes. Thank you so much for taking the time to review :)


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Review #8, by vanityfair Demeter

27th November 2013:
I like the start to the story a lot. It is very interesting to combine it with Greek Mythology, like Percy Jackson and as I like both I am excited for this. James seems interesting. Shira is different to most MCs so I can't wait to read on. Good start. Maia xxx

Author's Response: Thank you!!

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Review #9, by Cannons Demeter

27th November 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review...finally! Sorry that it's taken me so long and I don't have a decent excuse so I'm not even going to bother trying to make one up to give to you! ;)

Anyway I was reading this and I was enjoying it and then I get to the end and am hit with a barbaric death. I loved it, but I'm so glad I didn't read summary before I read the chapter.

I love, big emphasis on LOVE, the concept for this story, it is so different and original and I will defiantly be back for more. I mean someone buried alive at Hogwarts apparently the safest place on Earth, that chilling my spine at the moment.

The were lots of things I enjoyed in this chapter, and I'll get to those in a moment, but the best thing about this was the Greek god Artemis, god of the moon. Personally speaking, I'm hoping Shira turns out to be a werewolf! :P

Because I am not a massive Greek Mythology enthusiast, not to say I don't like it, I just don't know much about it and I fear I missed some key jokes in the text that went completely over my head.

One thing that I thought could have been improved was the end when they see the body buried alive. From the time when they are in the classroom to when they are going to the party I think it seems a little bit rushed, and if you had added some more description and built up the tension a little more I think it would have read better.

I really enjoyed the concept and idea behind this and hopefully after reading this I will be converted in to a Greek Mythology enthusiast!

Cannons

Author's Response: Ack! I am so so sorry for taking THIS long to respond!

You know what I love about this review the most? The fact that you aren't a massive Greek enthusiast and still enjoyed the story. Trust me, you weren't missing out on much.

I'm so glad that you thought that the plot was original and a little chilling because that was exactly what I was aiming for :)
I will definitely improve the ending, adding more description and filling up some of the gaps. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this wonderful review! I'm positively blushing now.


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Review #10, by Courtney Dark Demeter

25th November 2013:
Hey there! Here for your requested review:)

Wow, this was a great chapter! I am absolutely loving the concept of this story so far - very unique and unusual, and I've certainly never read anything else like it. You know that feeling when you're reading two cliche fanfictions that are pretty much exactly the same and you get them completely mixed up? I don't think I'll be having that problem with your story!

You asked about the length of the first chapter - I seriously wouldn't worry about the fact that it's short, because I always think introductory chapters are better, more hooking and intriguing to the reader if they're on the short side. However, if you would like to make it longer, you could consider adding more imagery in that very last section, when Ella Sprout is found dead with Hades burnt into her forehead. Maybe just add in what Shira's thinking, or some creepy descriptions of the surroundings - I don't know, these are just ideas.

You also asked about flow, and I think the flow of this chapter was very good. You paced it well and didn't info-dump, using the show not tell technique, which is always good!

As for characterization, I'm really loving your characters so far! Obviously we don't know everything about them, but they all seem like they have very different personalities, without being over the top. I especially like Shira (interesting name choices, by the way). She seems like she's going to be a very interesting character. I especially liked the line: ' on the other hand, being a seventh year Hufflepuff, had no such demands upon my conscience and as long as I was kind and helpful, I could sleep through classes as much as I wanted.' That made me laugh!

Anyway, this was a great start to your story, which looks like it is going to be awesome!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Thanks so much!
I'm very glad that you thought the idea was original, it was something I've been cooking up in my head for a while. I'm glad I decided to put to paper (er, Microsoft, same thing).
Whew. I'm happy the flow was okay and the chapter wasn't too short for you. I've been getting a lot of reviews suggesting that I elaborate things a bit more and I was at my wit's end trying to figure out how. Thanks for the awesome advice.
i'm thrilled that you find the story awesome. I'm a big fan of your work and I was hoping to achieve the same level of skill (long way to go :P) that you have writing your mystery stories. I LOVE them.
Thanks again for the wonderful advice and encouragement!


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Review #11, by maraudertimes Poseidon II

21st November 2013:
OMG I'm so glad James came to help. And dang nabbit! Shira's got some sweet powers! Also, she's totally in love with James. Even if she doesn't know it. Even if YOU don't know. I know she is. At least, *she better be* (dun dun dun dun!).

This was amazing and I was totally excited to read more until I saw that there wasn't a next chapter. Please update soon or I might go crazy, and you wouldn't want that would you?

And asthma? I can totally see James and Shira having a nice walk on the beach only for one of them to almost die. Ah... so romantic! ;)

This was amazing, once again (I don't know if I've said that yet), and once more, the only CC is that it's too short. :(

Great job and I'm looking forward to new chapters! (subtle hint for that to be soon)
Lo:)

Author's Response: Haha, the next chapters will definitely be coming soon (unless the queue conspires against me) so keep an eye out for them!
Shira in love with James?! And to think that only four chapters ago she loathed his guts. Interesting proposition. They both have diseases that could potentially kill them (on some sort of a romantic trip, as you suggested) so I guess that they would be perfect for each other. Or maybe I have other things in mind *insert evil grin*
I'm so glad you enjoyed the story so far and I hope you will equally enjoy the ones to come :)


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Review #12, by maraudertimes Poseidon I

21st November 2013:
Eep! I loved the little jab at James at the start of this chapter! Amazing! Also, is it just me or does James have a crush? I think it might be just me...

Anyways, one CC: TOO SHORT!! I'm always going to put that, just so you know. Even if it's a 10 word chapter. I'll still think it's too short. :P

This was really cool and I'm glad it was proven that Sakura is not Hades (well, for now). I like her. Also, Shira needs to take her meds on time!

Needless to say, I loved this and I have to read more because SAILOR'S SWIMMING AND HE MIGHT DIE I HAVE TO READ ON THIS IS KILLING ME I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!!!

Lo:)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like Sakura. She's a rather interesting character which I've grown extremely fond of. She does have quite a few secrets up her sleeve though.

James with a crush?! Pfft, no way. Of course not. Not at all. *groans* you readers are too perceptive for your own good.

I think I've given up on trying to justify my too short chapters. I'm happy you like them, though. Shira definitely needs to take her meds on time. She's so irresponsible.

I'm really enjoying these reviews! They've been so much fun to read :)


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Review #13, by maraudertimes Athena

21st November 2013:
Nonononononononononono! Sakura isn't the killer! How dare Albus imply that! I think it's Malfoy. Obviously. Is there a Malfoy in your story? Well there should be!

Okay, one CC: "chocking on that bezoar that from poisoning, but I didn't tell Dom that." *Choking instead of chocking and *than instead of that.

Other than that? Amazing! I'm super excited for the next chapter and what in the world is the Underworld? Also, how did James figure out Shira's secret? And James totally hates Sailor, but I want to know why!

Oh wait! One more CC: ITS TOO SHORT!

I'm going to go read more since you're trying to torture me with short chapters.

Amazing job, once more!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Of course the killer is a Malfoy. Though there isn't a Malfoy in the story, it's only right that a Malfoy should be held responsible ;)
Argh! Going right now to to fix the typo! It's amazing how much I overlook them! The Underworld is like an underground agency that has the dirt on everything and everyone at Hogwarts. James is just proving to be remarkably perceptive. And as a James/Shira shipper, why do you think that James hates Sailor?
I'm sorry! My limited imagination refusing to make the chapter longer ;) I will try harder next time!

Thanks so much for reviewing! It's been a real pleasure reading these reviews :D


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Review #14, by maraudertimes Dionysus

21st November 2013:
Why are you killing them all? I liked Freddie! Why did you have to go and try to off him? Anyways, this was a great chapter. I do have a few CCs though:

Why would she have a bezoar in her pocket? Maybe just try and explain that a bit.

"I quickly sat at the Hufflepuff to tuck in." I think you're missing the word table?

Your chapter is too short... I must read more! Please don't tell me the others are short because I need to be able to continue reading this. It's just amazing! I'm off to the next chapter! See you in a bit!

Lo:)

Author's Response: Wow, I wake up to four awesome reviews?! Thanks so much :D

Aah, you might not like to know that I was actually planning to kill Freddie in the earlier version of the story. Didn't want to be *that* cruel.

Hmmm, I'll have to think of something for the bezoar. As for the typo (grrr, they keep trapping me at every turn) I'll edit that out as soon as possible. Thanks for pointing that out!

I'm sorry about the short chapters, I'm just not very good at stretching things out. I'm too excited to get to the crux of the chapter and tend to rush things a bit :)

Thanks for this review!


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Review #15, by maraudertimes Demeter

19th November 2013:
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!11

This is beyond cool! First, I love Rick Riordan and what he does to Greek mythology, since I've loved that since I was a kid, and to be honest, this reminds me a little bit of his stories. Obviously they're on two different sides of the spectrum, but the writing style? Top notch. Aces. Amazeballs!

Okay, okay... I'll stop...

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!1

I... couldn't stop. Anyways! This was super cool and I absolutely loved your characters! Their names are super cool, your OCs voice is super cool (PS, I have my own Sailor Thomas, sigh... Dreamboat!), your version of James is super cool (do I detect a hint of fancying Sakura? But obvs he's going to end up with Shira. Right? RIGHT?!), just GAH! Super cool.

I think I've flailed enough.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

Guess not...

The ending was super cool and I'm glad Sakura is taking none of Shira's... ah... poop. Good for her! It's cool to see a Ravenclaw demanding that a Hufflepuff have more of a social life! :)

Okay, I should stop flailing now, but seriously, it was AMAZING! I'm super excited for the next chapter (and I will read every chapter tomorrow since it's almost my bedtime - and I'll review!!) and it's going on my currently reading list so I can keep track of it!

Great job!
Lo:)

P.S. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMG

P.P.S. If every chapter is like this, this story is going to become one of my favourites!!

P.P.P.S. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for being completely unprofessional...

P.P.P.P.P.S. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMGOMGOMGOMGOGMGOMGOMGGOMGOMGOMGOMG

Author's Response: Haha! I'm am really thrilled by this review, it's probably the best one I've got so far. I've actually been parading around the house and showing it off to the rest of my family.

I absolutely LOVE Rick Riordan's work too and I'm unbelievably flattered that you consider my writing style similar to his. Practically star stuck at this point. Feel free to flail as much as you like! I sincerely hope the other chapters invoke the same response! I'm so happy that it's on your reading list ;)


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Review #16, by Nasim6413 Poseidon I

5th November 2013:
I am, as of now, an official Shira and James shipper! I don't trust Sailor, he's too... manly. Those kind of people usually end up being trouble.

I also totally loved the chapter! And especially what Albus said about Professor McGonagall, that totally made me laugh. As for Sakura, I don't trust her completely yet. She might be Hades.

You must write more! I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chapter! Good job :D

~ Nasim

Author's Response: Thank you so much for another wonderful review! I'm really glad that you enjoy the story. It makes me really happy to post a chapter knowing that you will be giving me your thoughts on it and encouraging me to continue writing. I've been visiting your story a couple of times and I think that it's going very well!

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Review #17, by Nasim6413 Athena

26th October 2013:
I AM SO GLAD I CLICKED ON THIS.

The mystery, the suspense, I just really, really want to know more! Is this your first mystery story? You're just so great at it.

Please update soon :)
~ Nasim

Author's Response: Thanks so much! This is my first shot at writing a murder mystery and I'm so glad you like it :)

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Review #18, by AlexFan Demeter

26th October 2013:
Ahh! I had added this to my reading list and I was going to read and review this once I got through all of the stories before it so I'm so happy that you requested a review for it because it gave me a reason to read the story earlier than planned.

It's only the first chapter and I'm already looking forward to the rest of the story and where it's headed. I am telling you right now that it was the ending to this chapter that did it for me. The rest of the chapter was interesting as well and I'd love to do the project that Shira is doing but the ending was the best bit.

It seemed that this whole god and goddesses bit isn't so much a project anymore as something really serious and what seems to be life threatening (if this is the job of a student though, they are taking their role as Hades way too far).

I like Shira's character already, I can relate to her quite well and the fact that she prefers to stay locked up in her dorm and reading is especially the part that makes her relatable. If I could I'd lock myself up in my room and just read as well. Actually, I'm pretty sure most people would be able to relate to Shira.

The fact that she has anemia though was really interesting of you to add as its something that's not often mentioned in fanfiction (like most diseases). It added another layer to her and made her more realistic. I definitely think that Shira is going to be a favourite character of mine (and so is the fact that she got the goddess of the hunt).

James is just a plain out jerk and most certainly not very likable at all. I hope he doesn't stay a jerk throughout the entire story otherwise I will forever be stuck wanting to hit him instead of love him.

The one thing that I think you can improve on is the pace of the chapter. It was a little bit rushed and I felt like you could've slowed it down a lot by adding in more description and more of the characters thoughts and actions and reactions among other things.

Other than that though, you've got an intriguing plot and I look forward to seeing where this story is heading!
-Grace

Author's Response: Wow, I never really thought that one of my stories would be on someone's reading list. I feel so honored at the moment :D

The ending of the chapter was sort of what the entire chapter revolved around. That's probably why the rest of the chapter seems so rushed, I was too eager to get to that bit. I should really go back and expand on the rest of the story :P

Hades wasn't actually given to a student seeing as he isn't really an Olympian (being carted off to rule the Underworld instead). It would be quite crazy if this was the job of a student who was angry that Hades was left out, but alas that is not the case.

I'm glad that you like Shira, she's a bit different from my usual protagonists. She's a slacker with a sharp mind who prefers reading mythology than textbooks. On a website where people read stories quite often, I should hope that several readers can relate to her and I'm very glad you could. It gives me the confidence that my characters are becoming real people, rather than names off a page :)

Anaemia is a disease that I have personal experience with (thankfully I don't have the disease, but I know several people who do) and in Shira's case, it's a bit more serious than the usual. I'm glad that she's becoming a favourite character of yours. Kudos to you for pointing out that Artemis is the goddess of the hunt, especially since Shira's about to hunt for the murder in Hogwarts!

James is quite a jerk, isn't he? Well, he does get better in the chapters to come, so hopefully your opinion about him will change :)

Thank you for this awesome review! I hope that the next chapters will be equally intriguing!


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Review #19, by TroubleFindsMe Athena

20th October 2013:
This story is really great so far, I love your writing style. My only comment would be that the murders/attempted murders are happening a bit quick for a mystery. Other than that, it's really good!

Author's Response: Thanks! Hopefully everything should slow down a bit after the next few chapters :)

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Review #20, by BookDinosaur Demeter

19th October 2013:
Hello there! It's BookDinosaur with your requested review here. :)

So, to start off, I really lovethis story. I'm a complete nut for mythology, so I basically adore you right now for managing to incorporate some good ol' Greek mythology in your work. I really appreciate how original this incorporation is as well - most authors would have made this story a crossver or something. I also found it really funny how the teacher didn't have a grasp of mythology either, teaching them how Zeus was Poseidon's father. :P

As for your area of concern, the conversations, I think they all came across fine. They weren't stilted and the way the two friends were talking to each other sounded pretty natural to me. The only thing I could spot was that you should have put a new line for each new speaker, like you would have a new line for each paragraph. :)

I really like your characterisation so far of Sakura and Shira, they seem like pretty realistc characters to me already. I love how you made Shira anaemic, it made her unusual, and more realistic to me. It also gave you a chance to show Sakura's mother-hen side, how she was always on Shira's case about taking her meds. Those little things ust made your characters so much more believable and realistic to me. Shira especially stood out to me, it was really interesting how she's a Hufflepuff after hearing about all the reading she did over the summer. I think Suakura is pretty interesting as well, I think it's a pretty interesting contrast in popularity between them. The only thing I can really nitpick about is Sakura's surname. 'Sakura' is a Japanese name meaning 'cherry blossom', as you migt know. However, Chang is a Chinese name, so you might want to change Sakura's last name to a common Japanese surname like 'Sato' or 'Matsuda'. Feel free to PM me for more name suggestions - I am part Japanese, so I think that's why that bugged me so much. :P

I loved how you paired everybody up to Greek gods and goddesses as well, it's a really good way to give us basic ideas of their characters without telling us 'Dominique is a romantic', so congrats there. I also love how you made a relative of Professor Sprout's pick Demeter, it's very fitting. The only thing I can give you any CC on in that area is to make the subject of Hades slightly clearer - I know that he was exiled from Olympus because I love mythology, but others might not know that and it may be confusing for them, because they think, well why don't they just confront the person who got Hades? I hope that made sense to you.

Also, I don't think I've mentioned this to you, but I really like how you've got the plot going so far. There's typical highschool rivalries and partying, but at the end you introduce us to this very dark idea that Ella Sprout has been murdered. I also absolutely love how she was killed as well - she got the goddess of the harvest, and then she was buried. That was really clever of you.

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this chapter, and I'm really looing forward to seeing where you'll go with this story. :D

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you like the story and thank you so much for this lovely review :)

I'm happy that the conversations seemed to flow well, that was one aspect I was worried about. Greek Mythology, apart from Percy Jackson, is an unexplored ground that gives me a lot of room to come up with a good plot. It's amazing to see how many Greek Mythology lovers there are on the site!

Ack! I'm so sorry about the name mishap, I'm not very familiar with Chinese or Japanese names (I'm Indian, by the way) and I'm extremely grateful for your help. I'm actually pretty embarrassed as well. Unfortunately, there's already a chapter in the queue, so once that's validated I'll definitely change that at once. Thanks a lot :)

The confusion about Hades should be cleared in the third chapter, I think, so hopefully it isn't too late in the story to clarify things.

Thank you for your words of encouragement and I hope you will continue to read the story as it progresses!


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Review #21, by ASDFGHJKL1234 Dionysus

14th October 2013:
I'm in absolute love with the idea of this story. The plot is really brilliant and your writing style is wonderful!

My only criticism is that I think you need to develop each of the characters more. I need to hear more of Shira's thoughts and feelings before I can really become emotionally attached t her and I think you have to so the same with James and the rest. More analysis of the situation that's going on. More detail of their surroundings and events. For example, in the previous chapter I wouldn't have understood that Ella had been buried alive. It's those realizations the reader has alongside the narrator that really make brilliant thrillers

But otherwise, good job!! I can't wait for the next chapter! This is definitely on my watch list so update soon! :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the constructive criticism! I really appreciate it, it's nice to have reviews that tell me what to improve about the story. I will definitely take your points into consideration while writing the next chapters. I do understand that there are some areas of the story that aren't clear to the readers and will do my best to sort those out. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me your thoughts :)

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Review #22, by nott theodore Demeter

13th October 2013:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review! (You're actually in luck because someone else's request didn't comply with my rules, so I'm reviewing this.)

My knowledge of Greek mythology is shamefully basic, but I'm already really intrigued by the idea that you've got for this story. I've never seen a fanfiction based on mythology that wasn't a crossover before, and I thought you had a great opening to your story with the way that you set the mythological element up. As for whether the story as a whole seems interesting, you captured my interest straight away. I love the idea of weaving mythology into the world of Harry Potter, and the fact that a body has been found at the end of the first chapter is a brilliant way to ensure I want to read on!

Although you were concerned about the dialogue, none of it struck me as particularly awkward - in fact it all seemed to flow naturally. As far as readability is concerned, I think you've got a really nice writing style and I found myself sucked into the story. The only thing I would watch out for is your dialogue spacing, as there should be a line between each new speaker, as you'd have for a new paragraph.

Other than that, the only real problem I spotted was a typo:
"Why would I want to go to Potters party." - there should be a question mark at the end of this sentence.

So far I really like your characterisation in this story. Shira's a really interesting character, not someone I'd normally have placed in Hufflepuff after hearing the amount of reading she did over the summer, although I could see the loyal side to her as well here. It might have helped a bit if her name had been mentioned a little earlier in the story, but that's just a personal preference. I'm intrigued by her love of mythology and the fact that her Sakura seems to be so popular in comparison to her. It will be good to see her character develop over further chapters.

Lastly, I love the way that you've matched people with the Greek gods and goddesses! They all seem to fit so well, especially Shira being Artemis and Dominique Weasley being Aprhodite. I love the fact that you chose a relation of Professor Sprout's to be Demeter, as well.

Speaking of Ella Sprout, I'm really curious about what's happened to her. I'm assuming that nobody was actually given Hades as a character - partly because of who he was and partly because it would be a bit stupid to leave your own name on a victim - so it'll be really interesting to see how that develops!

I think you've done a really great job here, and apart from a few little technical problems you've got a great story opening. Hopefully you found this review helpful, and please feel free to re-request!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Lucky me! I really was not expecting this amazing review and it really brightened my morning :)

To be honest, my knowledge about Greek Mythology is limited to what I read off the net or in the Percy Jackson books. I had to do a fair amount of research while forming the plot of this story.

I'm glad the conversations seemed to flow, that was one thing I was pretty worried about. I think after reading through the chapter so many times, all the dialogues came across a rehearsed. Oh well, you've put my worries to rest now :)

Gah, typos will be the death of me. I'm going back straight away to fix that one. Thanks for pointing it out.

Hades isn't really considered an Olympian, being an outcast in the underworld. Thus, no one got him as their God. It would be pretty stupid if someone had and left their name on Ella xD

Thank you so much for this review, it certainly has been extremely helpful!


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Review #23, by Nasim6413 Dionysus

12th October 2013:
OH. MY. GOD.

LOVED THIS.

AMAZING.

I JUST- AH!

Please write more!!!

Author's Response: Haha, thanks so much!

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Review #24, by Nasim6413 Demeter

12th October 2013:
I am actually so glad that I clicked on the link to the story- I love Mythology AND mysteries, which is actually what immediately made me love this book.

The characters seemed awesome- Shira and Sakura seem to be a great match. Shira makes me laugh, being a Hufflepuff I thought that she'd be super friendly and all. Hehe...

AND OMG ELLA! :o WHY HER?! WHY HER?! By the way, is she related to Professor Sprout in any way? Just curious. And... Hades? Is it possible that it means that Ella was murdered by the person who got Hades?

I guess I have to read more to find out... ah...

Alright, off to the next chapter :D

Good job and keep writing!

~ Nasim

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!
Shira? Friendly? No way ;) I think that she represents the loyal side of Hufflepuff, rather than the kindness. Or the sarcastic side (if there is one).
Ella is related to Professor Sprout, she's her granddaughter. And I suppose by reading the next chapter you know why she was killed√ʬĬ¶.kind of.
Oh, I haven't made the bit about Hades quite clear. The thing is, no one got Hades because he's the outcast Olympian and never included in anything. That's why they're having trouble finding out who Hades is.

I'm glad that you like the story so far, I hope you will continue to do so in the following chapters. Thanks again for the awesome review!


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Review #25, by MissesWeasley123 Dionysus

12th October 2013:
I've been waiting so long for this. Seriously. I almost needed someone to take Greek/Roman gods and make a fic based around them. I'm so happy you did it. So pleased, especially since you know how to write.

The way you write is so flawless. Seriously. I adore and envy your style.

Your characters are so well done. They have an original twist to them, and Shira's most wonderful. This whole sense of mystery is so gripping, I absolutely love it.

Your plot idea is so clever, and yeah. I'm so glad you're writing this, it is amazing. You're doing such a great job with this.

How often do you update? Because I seriously need more of this. You did such a good job with literally everything because my heart's racing.

I want to hug you for writing this. FINALLY! I am so excited for this.

Your banner is so pretty, but my mind is blown away. You're sooo clever so coming up with this. And just AH. I love it. Love it so far, and can't wait for more. This is fabulous.

You write wonderfully!

-Nadia

Author's Response: You have no idea how thrilled I am, reading your review. Thank you so much for the encouraging words, it really means a lot to me. Right now I have some free time so the next couple of chapters should come fairly quickly. After that, I'm not really sure, probably twice a month? Anyway, thanks again for this great review!!

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