Reading Reviews for Deepest Desire
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheGirlOnFire The Mirror of Erised

16th March 2014:
Hello, this is for the black out bingo. 18/20.

Oh wow. I wish my first fanfic was this good. Damn girl, the feels this gave me. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have felt like for Ginny, everyone she loved was dead or missing. This was really good. I don't read AU stories, mainly because I like Canon the way it is, but this. Tis was amazing. I could feel what Ginny was feeling and I wanted her to die. Which is new. I wanted her to die so that she too could be at peace and so that she could be happy too. This is the first time I found myself rooting for the death eaters to find her. I am amazed at what you managed to capture in so little words. Keep the good work going! I can't wait to see what else you'll write.

TheGirlOnFirexx

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Review #2, by anythingcouldhappen The Mirror of Erised

7th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

Wow.this is very sad. AU's where everyone is dead are always hard to read, and this one was no exception. It leaves me with a lot of questions--how did Voldemort win? What happened afterwards? What's going on with Ginny? In my opinion, leaving a fic with questions is always good, so nice job! *thumbs up* It's heartbreaking to see Ginny welcoming death. The idea that she has no one left to live for is painful. Also, the ways in which they all died were quite terrible. If you ever expanded upon this and made a whole AU novel/novella/short story based on it, I think it would be interesting to read!

It was a very interesting choice to write in the style that you did. Can I ask what made you choose that? I think it makes it last longer, which is good.

I think the bit at the end when Lestrange says "Good-bye Weasley" is a little unnecessary. In fact, I'm not even sure you need his name! I think it might fit the tone of the rest of the fic to remove that. But that's only personal preference on my part. :)

Great job!

Sam

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Review #3, by Akussa The Mirror of Erised

7th March 2014:
Hi I'm here for the blackout battle / bingo!

What an intersting piece! The format is strange at first but I got used to it eventually. Poor Ginny; this vision of the future you have is pretty grim for her. Everyone she knows has died a horrible death; I think she's allowed to wish for death herself and embrasse it when it comes.

The way you presented it, through the mirror, was original. The descriptives were good and although I couldn't recognize everyone that stood there, I really enjoyed it.

There are two things I noticed through my read and wish to point out to you.

The first thing that ticked me a bit was that theyre was no distinction between the Author's note and the beginning of the story. I personnally think you should either make your author's note bold or add a separation line between the note and the beginning of the story in order for it to be clearer.

"...donít have the scare..."; I believe you mean 'scar'

Overall a good story, original and pretty sad when you put yourself in Ginny's place. I'm very happy suddently that Harry won the war...

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Review #4, by TidalDragon The Mirror of Erised

7th March 2014:
Howdy!

So to cut to the chase - heavy! I always like a dark story and this certainly took that route. Obviously the world was bound to be dark if Voldemort won, but I think you did a solid job of portraying how dark it by portraying Ginny's deepest desire as death.

I thought briefly describing many of the people she saw's deaths was a good device and using short sentences was smart as I think it drove the point home.

I think the story might be easier to read and follow if you tweaked the formatting so that the lines appear normally, or just double-spaced as opposed to so broken up. I get that it's not a lot of words, but it is a one-shot and people will forgive you for that.

I also think it could increase the impact if you lessened the amount of people she sees in the mirror to those you discuss at the end and really describe them in more detail. Really paint them as incredibly happy being gone from the world because based on the point of your story, that's the idea that's so seductive. If you want to emphasize the impact of Harry and her family's spirits too, you might make them appear last instead of first, really drawing her in, maybe ending with her eyes focused on Harry and herself, happy, before she is killed if you embrace that pairing.

I think you did a good job with a very dark topic/realization and that many more people would read it with the formatting tweaks alone.

Thanks for posting this!

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Review #5, by nott theodore The Mirror of Erised

6th March 2014:
Hi! I'm here reviewing Slytherin stories for the Blackout Bingo!

Wow! Um... it's kind of hard to know what to say after reading something like this, but I'm really impressed that this is your first fanfiction. I wish that mine had been so thought-provoking and poignant!

I've only come to AU very recently, but I find this idea fascinating - the fact that you've changed one detail but because of that, in this alternate universe, so much else has also changed as a result. It really places an emphasis on how much of an impact one single event can have on everything else that happens - and really, the whole of the series is made up of pivotal moments, and these 'what ifs?' are really interesting to exploit.

The formatting seemed a little strange and I found it a bit hard to read at first, so if you get a chance to fix that it would help :)

I think the way that you went through a catalogue of everyone that Ginny knew in this was a really effective way of doing things. It felt like the misery was added to and never-ending, and I felt so sorry for her as she stood in front of the mirror and had her heart break all over again.

The ending was possibly my favourite part. It was so poignant. It's really sad to think that Ginny would welcome death like that, but in the circumstances I can believe that she would. The description towards the end was lovely too.

Sian :)

Blackout Bingo 14/15

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Review #6, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing The Mirror of Erised

2nd March 2014:
Hi there!

Here for the review battle!

Wow, this was a rather chilling piece wasn't it! This was a much darker world than the one we know from the books! There's so much happened!

I think it's really interesting how you've changed one little detail and it's created a butterfly effect into this world that's so different. It's clear you've though carefully about the consequences so kudos to you!

I thought you did a good job of Ginny. She's such a strong person usually but she's completely lost everyone here so it's completely understandable that she would be so willing to have it all over, as horrible a notion as that is.

One comment I would make is to ask why the formatting is as it is? Was it intentional? It didn't feel it. I know the editor can be a pain sometimes so it might be worth trying to fix that if it wasn't intentional and you get the chance!

Anyway, that doesn't take anything away from your excellent writing here! Well done! I really enjoyed this!

Lauren :)

Review 7 of 10

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Review #7, by Unwritten Curse The Mirror of Erised

1st March 2014:
Wow.

Umm... first let me just say that I'm here for the Blackout Battle.

Now that that's out of the way, I can say WOW again. I was not expecting that revelation at the end that Ginny's greatest desire is to be dead and to join all of her loved ones. So powerful. I was super confused as to why she was seeing dead people that she doesn't even know if this is supposed to be HER desire. I thought maybe the Mirror had been cursed or something had happened to it. Then Ginny realized what her desire truly was and it took my breath away. That was so well done. And your writing is equally beautiful. This really is a great one-shot and I'm impressed that it's the first piece of fanfiction you've ever published!

Great work. :)

-- Gina

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Review #8, by BKL8008 The Mirror of Erised

22nd January 2014:
A very good, friyhtening look into what might have been. I think you portrayed the outcomes well, and captured this Alternate Ginny just perfectly. (Had to spell it wrong, it wasn't allowed. They're censoring reviews now!) Haunting, and worth another read or three.

Author's Response: So, so glad you like it. (really. It raises my self-esteem about this story.)
Also, I've had my own encounters with the review automated censoring thingy. I can't spell Pheenix correctly and submit it . . . Thanks again!


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Review #9, by Beth The Mirror of Erised

13th November 2013:
The feels! That was amazing! You are an excellent writer

Author's Response: Thanks a lot, Beth. If you don't write, you have no idea how us authors love reviews. If you do, well, then, you probably understand how I'm feeling. :)

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Review #10, by MissBertieBotts  The Mirror of Erised

22nd October 2013:
Wow that was really good! Did not expect that at all, depressing, but amazing. Keep on writing!

Author's Response: Thanks! I am SO happy you liked it that much. My first thing published, so I wasn't sure what people would think.

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Review #11, by Leonore The Mirror of Erised

15th October 2013:
Wow, this is beautiful. And that ending! Although why isn't Hermione in the mirror? I like George's death explanation, in a way - funny but sad. A good story - I'm sure you'll be writing more.

Leonore

Author's Response: I'm really glad you like it! And yes, I will be writing more . . . . as soon as inspiration strikes.
Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #12, by herms The Mirror of Erised

14th October 2013:
i loved this free verse story. no way its ur first ur so good

Author's Response: I'm glad you think its good, because I don't know what to think of it. It's kinda a on-the-spot inspiration thing.
Thanks a lot for the review!


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Review #13, by leigia The Mirror of Erised

12th October 2013:
Interesting twist, however dark it was.

Author's Response: thanks. It was kind of a weird story-a product of my extremely warped imagination. It's interesting to know what other people think.

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Review #14, by Harrysavesme The Mirror of Erised

6th October 2013:
This was so sad, but I liked it.

Author's Response: Thanks-it was supposed to be sad, and I'm really glad you liked it.

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