Reading Reviews for This Unravelling
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Santa This Unravelling

15th December 2013:
I think you did a brilliant job portraying Lily with survivors guilt! It is much better than I could do! I like how she manages to pin the blame for herself, and is angry when other people like Albus can't see that she's guilty.

You make us synthesize with Lily very well- we can see her point of view easily, despite not being her complete fault.

I love how you incorporate Cluedo into thi; it adds a little extra depth.

The one thing I don't like about this is that it took a several parahraphs to figure out that this was from Lily's point of view. It would be nice if that was obvious from the very beginning.

Overall, I think you did brilliantly!

Author's Response: Woo, thank you! ^.^ I'm really pleased that you enjoyed her POV, and that you could sympathize well with Lily! And yes, it wasn't her complete fault, but a great degree of it was and I think she realizes that, hence her over-analyzing of the situation.

Thank you very much! :)

I've had that critique from other reviewers too, so I'll definitely go back to fix it and clarify that it's her soon. Thank you for pointing it out, though!

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Review #2, by patronus_charm This Unravelling

6th October 2013:
Hi Isobel! Iím here with your review :D

Sorry I couldnít help but laugh at this line ĎOut of all of us, Lucy was the misfit.í Is Lucy secretly you? :P

The one major thing I did have an issue with was the length of time it took for me to find out who the narrator was. At first I thought it could have been Rose due to the multiple mentions of Albus and them being the same age, and then I just kind of sat there in confusion until you said towards the end of the first section Lilyís name. I mean, I really, really loved her narration as it was so much better than how Iíve usually seen it but if you just slip her name in a little earlier it would be excellent.

One thing that stood out to me was how varying peopleís reactions were to Hugo and Lucy being vampires and that was really great. I have this really vivid scene before me now, and even though itís not a topic I should really be laughing about I just canít help it because the characterisation of the people there was really fantastic.

The varying length of sections in this one-shot really added to it because it meant we got lots of perspectives of Lilyís life and made for an interesting read. I almost preferred the shorter ones because those quick snapshots really conveyed a lot.

The scene between Lily and Hugo was really heart-warming as I almost didnít think that they would see one another again. It also contained some great vampire-related description which added a lot to the scene! The only bad thing is that now itís got me all worried for Hugoís sake that Lucy will never forgive him and itís making me mentally run around in panic :P

I was about to mention the Cluedo and then I saw it in your AN which gave me a legitimate excuse to :P I really loved it (and it had nothing to do with my obsessive love for the gameÖ) as it fitted really well with the whole mystery and suspense theme of the story and it tied in well with the end and all of Lilyís possible theories about what she could do and reminded me of the crazy ones in Cluedo!

You asked whether this could stand alone or not, and I think Iím more towards the no side. At first it made sense even though the sudden news of them being vampires was a bit of shock I could still wrap my head around it, then Jeremiah appeared and as I donít know what Lily had told me it left me wondering what she could have said to cause all of that. The suspense was great though and it definitely left me intrigued so donít be surprised if you have several readers going off to read the Bite Club now though!

It was a really enjoyable read though even though reading the Bite Club would make it have a lot more sense as I would get the references about why Lily possibly caused the transformation. I hope this does help in some way though, Isobel! Also, if you spot any typos I apologise I need sleep desperately! ♥


Author's Response: Hi Kiana! I'm so sorry for the lateness of this response, I swear it'll never take this long again! Forgive me? ♥

Haha it's okay, and nope! I think I identify with Astoria the most out of all my characters; she's kind of a mixture of my personality and those of my family's. Lucy is... well, crazy, and /not/ good crazy. I think maybe I'd have identified with Lucy when we were both younger, before she started to lose the plot but in the end, we took different paths in life.

I do see your point -- I thought mentioning Albus would help hint at Lily's identity to the reader, since they're siblings, but I understand what you mean. I'll try to go back and fix that as soon as I can ^.^

Thank you! Don't worry, I laugh in situations where I shouldn't -- unintentionally, I swear, but I think it's my body's coping mechanism for situations when the proverbial excrement hits the fan. I'm glad you were able to picture the scene vividly, and that you enjoyed everyone's characterisations! I've always felt the Weasleys saw things differently -- look how each of them reacted to Percy leaving, or Fleur marrying Bill -- and as they married like-minded people, they brought their children up to react like them. I don't know what a large family's like, but I'm presuming that only very rarely would they all agree unanimously on a subject.

Woo!! I didn't want to make them all the same length because some situations could be explained easily while some needed a more complex description and I'm glad you liked the variety!

Hugo is very close to his family, so unlike Lucy, he was willing to face the consequences and the difficulty of telling his family that he's a vampire. While it was easier for Lucy to walk away as the misfit of the family, Hugo felt differently as he was closer to them. Haha don't run around in panic -- unknown to everyone but Lucy, she was the one who turned Hugo into a vampire. So she doesn't have a leg to stand on, really :P

Haha I love Cluedo, but I've only played it a handful of times -- everyone I know either doesn't like the game or doesn't know how to play it, unfortunately! I'm glad you felt it fitted in well -- it felt like fate really since Lily is a bit of a Miss Scarlett, Hugo is perceived as "saintly", Albus is a professor and Jeremiah has military history.

Haha thank you, I've now taken off the "can stand-alone" bit in the summary after your advice, and I really appreciate your feedback particularly as someone who hasn't yet read Bite Club!

Thank you so much for your review, Kiana! ♥

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Review #3, by alicia and anne This Unravelling

29th September 2013:
I must say that I loved this one shot so much! The way that you got everyone's feelings across about what happened to Lucy was brilliantly written.

I absolutely adore the way that you used Cluedo throughout your story, that was such a brilliant idea to do and it fit incredibly well with this story. I loved how you had all these different characters that would fit and their motives and where they were when the 'crime' was commited.

You had me hooked with this and I felt sorry for Lily, in all honesty I think all of them are to blame a little. I don't think there's one main person that shoudl take the blame apart from the vampire definitely.

I really wish that the family would accept Lucy as a vampire, but I guess it's easier for them to just admit that she's dead, well she is at least to some of them.

Brilliant! I loved this, you're an amazing writer.

Author's Response: Ahhh Tammi, thank you so much! It's always lovely to hear such great compliments ^.^

I'm not sure where the inspiration for including Cluedo came from, but I'm pleased that you loved it! I was worried about repetition so to hear I pulled it off well is great :D

Yeah, all of them are to blame a little, but I don't think the vampire should take all the blame because we still don't know who it is... it could have been a vampire who couldn't control his desires :( Although it also could have been a evil vampire determined to cause chaos, in which case they're entirely to blame... ;)

Yeah, I think the Weasleys will definitely be divided. I mean, even if they did accept Lucy and Hugo, there's the possibility of getting bitten/killed/turned by them, and when their cousins have babies that's just going to be much harder isn't it? Think of shark week too - it wouldn't be easy for them then? :3

And thank you so much! ♥

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Review #4, by TheHeirOfSlytherin This Unravelling

29th September 2013:

Oh, Lily. I blame you, too. I blame you all. Even Hugo and everyone knows how much I love Hugo. But my Hugo is very bad, so I'm not all that surprised really. ;)

(I mean it, though - I do blame them all. I love them, but I still blame them.)

I LOVE the Cluedo parts added to it. It was so cool to see, different yet very fitting to the story. I liked who you gave each piece to - Al with the professor and Lily with Miss Scarlett.

I don't like Thad, but I wanna know more about him. And I'm not sure about Alexis, I don't think she's evil or even really knows about what's happening. Because I think something's happening, everything is connected, and it has something to do with Claudine and Valerie. I really wanna know and I can't wait for more Bite Club.

:O Lily knew Jeremiah! Well, kinda. And he was looking at Lucy. THERE'S A PLOT! I WANNA KNOW! :D

I still like Jeremiah! And I love my new OTP! ;)

Amazing story! Loved it!


Author's Response: Oh, Lily. It was her fault in a way, for the reasons highlighted in this one-shot, but I don't like the way she's ignoring everyone else's mistakes and heaping all the blame onto herself :(

Hahahaha, thank you! I'm not sure where the Cluedo inspiration came from, but I like it too :D Some of the characters were a little different, but overall they fit so I'm pleased.

Thad is your average not-very-good boyfriend. Lily doesn't have much taste in guys :P As for your theory about everything being connected and all leading back to Claudine and Valerie... you'll just have to wait and see ;)


Hugo/Jeremiah ftw ♥ (Well... for now.)


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Review #5, by Albus Potter's Woman This Unravelling

29th September 2013:
I really like this. I think your unique portrayal worked really well. Keep writing!
~Albus Potter's Woman

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for your review - I'm glad that you like my unique portrayal of Lily! I'm definitely going to keep writing :D


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