Reading Reviews for Hourglass
  
36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charm after hours

9th June 2014:
Hi Gina, here with your first review!

Aw, I really love Albusí character heís just so relatable and sweet and I really have to applaud you for your ability to write a teenage boy so well! I really liked the letter as that revealed another side to him as we hadnít really seen him talking or writing I should say to his parents until then so it was nice to be able to understand their relationship as I always do wonder what it was like. I mean, the bit about man stuff was just great :P

I definitely agree with Joel and Vanessa about something bothering Albus because while it is expected that he would react from the note, it does seem that he might be affected by this because of another reason. I hope the next chapter is up soon because I really need to know who this person is and what connection she has to Albus as itís so intriguing!

Ooh a prank war sounds fun! It sounds as if these guys are very experienced in this area so I canít wait to see what they get up to. I know Iíve said it before, but I love it when Albus does the pros and cons in his head as it just makes it so much more varied and fun to read as I love it when writers include different techniques into their work.

The ending was mysterious! Even though it all points to Joel doing it because of the prank war and stuff, I have a feeling itís not him but the mysterious D.L.Z. instead as it just fits better in my head for some reason. Ah, please say the next chapter is up soonish as I really want to find out now especially after that last incident!

Great chapter, Gina!

-Kiana

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Review #2, by Chazzie after hours

2nd March 2014:
Hey there!
First off I really like the idea of a time travel fic that doesn't include the main character being the one who goes back in time. D.L.Z. sounds interesting! Were they the person in the shadows? The prank war sounds fun - I always find it funny to see what the characters do when they can use magic. Although they are keeping to school rules, which I've never read before. And Rose is an interesting character to say the least. In any case, it's ace so far, and I'll keep reading!
Chazzie (Review 2/10 for the Slytherin/Gryffindor Blackout)

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Review #3, by Remus morning

20th February 2014:
Hey!! So sorry for that uber long wait. So much for 24 hours, right? Haha.

This sounds like a very, VERY interesting story! Time travel? Hopefully! Those are always fun.

Ah, Albus! He sounds like a sweetie but also very meticulous about how he leads his life with the pro/cons lists. I can relate to that, hahaha since I do something like that myself from time to time. However, he seems kind of lonely. Specially with that sanctuary of his. Almost as if he wants to keep everyone out.

His relationship with Rose and Scorpius is both funny and interesting. Rose, of course, is a regular annoying little cousin but his friendship with Scorpius...now why would he feel "responsible" for him? It seems they're not exactly friends but they seem to rely on each other since they're trying to leave their father's legacies. It must be tough. One is the son of the savior, the other one is the son of the turncloak. Must be tough!

I guess that's it! Hahaha. It was a short chapter but it gives us a taste of what's to come! It makes me wonder what's going to happen and how time travel is going to come about since the Timeturners were destroyed.

Thank you so much for doing the swap with me!! :D

--Rosie

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Review #4, by Lululuna after hours

17th February 2014:
Hi again! :)

Haha, I love how Albus begins his letter with "man stuff" to trick Ginny into leaving. It's funny how he feels he can confide in Harry since this is something they share, but that Ginny will worry too much to be told.

The Cutest Couple in Gryffindor is such a funny idea. I liked Joel in the last chapter so it's nice he's getting some lurve. I also really liked this description: Vanessa's small frame coiled agilely on Joelís lap. It was a cool way to describe the scene. I've said this in the last review but I love how visual your writing is.

I like the detail you've given to the minor characters, like how Vanessa and Joel are sort of a unit, and how she likes burning incense and how her skin smells. Her and Joel's level of adoring PDA and how comfortable they are with one another is great too, I love reading about couples who are also best friends. That was such a unique way of introducing the character. I really like all the OCs so far.

Haha, the prank war is so exciting! I

Albus looked resolutely at a portrait hanging over the hearth of Minerva McGonagall, the previous Head of Gryffindor House. Okay, LOVE this. I'm not sure if this is JKR-approved or not but I remember seeing the set for the movies and this was one of the features in it. Awesome. But wait... is McGonagall dead?? :( That's so sad, though I like how Albus is still afraid of her ghost haunting him.

I love how Albus is comforted by reading about Dumbledore, and how he wishes there was a message left for him by Dumbledore. I think that's very relatable, to want to be special and acknowledged by great and famous people.

Ooh, the figure is so spooky! I got goosebumps reading that section, especially since Albus was out in the dusk by himself. That's such a frightening time of the day. I'm really excited to find out more and keep reading! :)

Another great chapter, I'm already excited for the next one! :D

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Review #5, by Lululuna a spell

17th February 2014:
Review swap! :)

I've actually wanted to get back to this story since I read the first chapter, so this is the perfect break from reading and reviewing the Speed Dating stories. :) You definitely intruiged me with the first chapter (time travel!).

I'm so confused and curious about what is going on with Albus! It seems almost as if he has some sort of fits which everybody has heard rumours about, judging from the way his friends were acting. What I love about him here is how he's such a vivid thinker - or maybe you're just a wonderfully visual writer regardless - and how his dreams and his thoughts are so strongly visual. The descriptions at the beginning, especially the salmon-coloured flowers and the taste of salt, felt so real.

Rose seems like she's a lot of fun and a great cousin/friend to Albus. I like how open they are with each other and how comfortable they are, and how Rose seems to know all about what's going on with Al's life. Poor Sophie, but Rose suggesting sending her the note did make me giggle. :P

I'm really curious about the letter and the girl in the white dress, and how she's connected with Albus and the scar. The whole story has such an air of excitement and dark mystery about it, but set in the more light-hearted, modern setting of Hogwarts. I love how the dark and the light seem to collide for Albus, and how he's beginning to be more and more consumed by the note and the mystery.

A few lines I really liked:

And there she was. Looking eerily familiar in her white robe, the fabric wet and billowing as the waves rocked her small frame. Though far from reach, he heard her breath as though her lips were pressed to his ear. This was such a chilling image, maybe it's something about wearing white. I'm not sure, but she seems very ghostly and almost a little controlling of Albus. I love the way you described her and the intensity of that scene.

His cousin flung herself onto Albus's now empty bed, resting the back of her right hand dramatically against her forehead. Her hair fell from its previously tidy bun, splaying across the too-white sheets. This made me giggle at Rose immediately. Her dramatics are quite funny and really shows their comfortable cousin relationship.

He could see the dust motes circling, dyed by the colored panes of glass. He reached out to grab one. I'm not sure why, but this was such a fantastic and precise detail and I really loved it. Little things like this help so much with setting the scene and having the characters move dynamically within it.

A wonderful chapter, I will get to the next one soon! :D

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Review #6, by lia_2390 a spell

26th January 2014:
Ah Rose, she's so melodramatic, isn't she? I wonder what you have in store for her. Sometimes when authors include things - like Albus's brief analysis of Rose - it makes me wonder if you tried
to foreshadow an event. She isn't like
most Roses I've read about either.

As for Albus, he is a thinker, for sure. But even as the characters almost lose him to his thoughts, I find I do as well. It might help for us to be privy to some of them. Like one reviewer mentioned, I'd like to see some more description here instead of dialogue.

I think I might change my theory about this mystery girl every chapter. Right now, the gears in my mind are turning, and I have no idea what might happen next. And that's a good thing, especially with this genre.

I am curious about the scar though. I don't believe Quidditch could cause such a wound in the inner aspect of his forearm. Which sort of makes me wonder if he sleepwalks, or his dreams are more real than he thinks.

I do like your writing style. There is a hint of a contemporary feel to it. It's amazing how much writing has progressed. When I read your lines sometimes, they floor me. If I had to pick a favourite from this chapter, it would definitely be this one:

He could see the dust motes circling, dyed by the colored panes of glass. He reached out to grab one.

"Albus?"

His hand came back empty.


I love things like that. As simple as it is, it's lovely.


Lia

Author's Response: HEHEHE. I'm such a sucker for foreshadowing, so it's pretty likely that I've thrown some in to every chapter (some unintentionally). Oh, and I adore Rose. :)

Thank you for the feedback on Albus's inner dialogue. I do need to add more of his thoughts and perceptions, and I definitely went light on the description here. I'm trying to get a different feel out of this piece--more young adult, more humor--but ultimately I am a description girl and I know that this chapter is lacking. Edits are imminent!

Hehe. Theories. I love that you're coming up with theories! It means I'm doing my job.

YOU'RE WONDERFUL. Thanks for another lovely review.


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Review #7, by lia_2390 morning

26th January 2014:
It's so interesting to see these characters portrayed in such a way. Most times when I read them, I almost forget they are teenagers. Albus is such a sweetheart. It is honestly endearing to see him blush at the contents of a letter. In a way, you through some shade at other forms of characterisation of Albus Potter. When you mentioned he went to his classroom when girls rejected him, I sat back and re-read it. It was very subtle the way you included it, then moved on to other things. Usually it's him and Scorpius breaking hearts and taking names. He seems so lonely though :(

Speaking of Scorpius, well...I don't know what to say. He's one of my favourite characters in the fandom, so I don't mind if he's acting ridiculous. Their non-friendship is a curious one. Part of me wonders why they even bother, but perhaps it may show its worth later on.

From reading on, this story has the feel of something akin to time travel. Or maybe Al was someone else in his past life who met this girl. Now she's there, but he doesn't know who she is. Or his past memory hasn't awoken yet, but hers has.

Can I just say how lovely your description is? Nothing about it or the rest of your narrative seems forced. At all.

I think you started off quite well with this story. So I'm eager to read the rest of it :)

Lia

Author's Response: LIA! So sorry I took forever to respond...

Honestly, I haven't read much Next Gen. That's probably a large reason why Albus seems a bit different here. But I'm also glad that my characterization is unique! I really like the direction his character is headed in, though it was such a struggle to pin him down initially.

Ah, Scorpius. Yes, I will explore their relationship later on. And that's all I will say for now. ;)

I'm sorry if this is a spoiler, but yes, this is time travel. I was going to throw that bit into my summary, but because it's not traditional time travel, I didn't. So I guess that's not much of a spoiler since I haven't told you who is time traveling or how it has been accomplished (or why). Mwa ha ha!

Thanks for the lovely review. You're the best!


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Review #8, by luciusobsessed a spell

21st January 2014:
Another amazing chapter! I love the way you started it off. I'm hoping to hear more about this lady in white in future chapters, and about the newly appeared scar as well. I love the relationship between Albus and Rose. They're very playful and care for each other at the same time. I like the character development in your story and am excited to learn more about Albus. This is the first Albus story I've ever read and I really love it so far. Keep it up! xoxo luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review (and sorry it took so long for me to respond)! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. :) I'm hoping to have another chapter up soon.

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Review #9, by maraudertimes a spell

18th January 2014:
Hi!

I really liked this chapter! Joel wasn't a very notable character, but I got to know more about Albus and more about Rose, which I really liked.

It was a little sad to know that Albus's only connection to his father was playing Quidditch just as well as him, but I guess when your father was the Chosen One, you don't really get to experience the same things.

I absolutely loved Rose in this chapter. She seemed like the crazy cousin, the nurturing friend, the headstrong Weasley. You've characterized her beautifully, and I love that she's so dedicated. I just really love your version of Rose Weasley!

I'm still super intrigued by the note, and also a little at who Albus is leading on! This is going on my currently reading list and I promise to get to the next chapter ASAP!

Great job! Please keep it up!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yep, this is just a very small peak at Joel's character. He will make a larger appearance in chapter 3, and he will play a big role in this story, so you'll get to know him in more depth.

Albus only thinks that's his only connection with his father. He's actually quite similar (they were/are both angsty teenage boys, they both have strange scars, etc.), though he won't admit it due to his own insecurities. It's hard to be the son of "The Chosen One."

So glad you loved Rose (I do too!) and that you're intrigued by the note! I am having so much fun plotting this mystery. I can't wait to unveil more information!

Thanks for the review. I look forward to hearing from you again soon!


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Review #10, by Lululuna morning

17th January 2014:
Hello! :) Here from review swap!

This is a brilliant chapter! I love how you've chosen to write from Albus' POV, and he seems like a really cool guy so far. It's funny how reluctant and a little irritated he is about Scorpius, Rose, and everything else in the world, and I whole-heartedly approve of his tendency to make lists. Lists are great.

Okay, so my guess right now is that Albus has some sort of really mysterious power to see the past or to make things from books come alive. Or possibly has a really overactive imagination. The scene which seemed to come from Agrippa's book was very vivid and strong, I felt it must have something to do with a power beyond just being able to visualize things really clearly. And then there was when he first discovered his classroom and thought he saw a "ghastly specter" in the distance.

This classroom of his sounds quite lovely as well, and I wonder if it is truly something that only he can discover. The idea of him getting rid of the desks by stashing them in the room of requirement made me laugh as well. It would be very cool if the room has something to do with his visions (for lack of a better word) and the mysterious note.

As for the note... it's very curious how it seemed to come from nowhere. My guess right now is that it involves somebody who either doesn't exist in the same time period or place as him, and that he's somehow been compelled to forget. ...is this a time travel story?? The clues here and the title "hourglass" seems to indicate so, and if it's true, then that makes me even more excited to find out what's going on! :D Time travel is just the best.

I like the banter between the friends so far- Scorpius especially makes me smile and I like how they have a sort of friendship based on Scorp being a little whiny and obnoxious and Al putting up with him. It makes sense how they would bond over their fathers' shadows: I really liked that connection.

This was a great beginning to your story! :D I really enjoyed it! :)

Author's Response: Hello hello!

Hahaha. I lol'ed at your description of Albus as irritated at everything. I wholeheartedly agree! He doesn't think he's very much like his father, but they were/are both angsty teenage boys! It makes me love him dearly.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but it is simply (simply?) a case of an overactive imagination. He gets really caught up in biographies, so much so that their lives bleed into his. I suppose it is a sort of power, though, because not many people have such a strong imagination at 17. :)

And now I will do the opposite of burst your bubble: Yes, this is a time travel story! I was hesitant to put it into the description because some people have a negative opinion of the traditional time travel story--BUT, this will be anything but traditional. Now excuse me while I duct tape my mouth shut.

Anyway, THANK YOU. I loved reading this review (and I loved reading your story). So glad you enjoyed this first chapter!


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Review #11, by luciusobsessed morning

17th January 2014:
I LOVE IT! I love the character of Albus. His little habits stand out to me the most, like his pros and cons list, how he has his own place he goes to when he wants to be alone, the way he is in his relationships with Scorp and Rose. I love his personality, and I love the nostalgic feeling you instill in him, which is something I'm sure almost everyone can relate to. Amazing chapter, keep it up! xoxo luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!

I'm so glad that you can relate to Albus, and I love the "nostalgic feeling" that you mentioned. Not only is that an insightful observation, but it's a huge compliment to me. I think characterization is the aspect that I work on the most in my writing, so your review means a lot.

Thanks again, and I hope you continue to enjoy!


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Review #12, by Cavell morning

16th January 2014:
Hi there, it's Raine from the forums with your requested review finally! I do sincerely apologise for the wait -- I am totally drowning in school right now, so it's a little harder to find enough time to get to my review requests, but I'm here now!

Firstly, I loved your characterisation of Albus in this. Even from reading the summary, I knew your Albus would be different from all the others you usually see in stories here, and when I read the first list about his having breakfast with Scorpius, it just confirmed it and honestly, I'm rather impressed. I rarely see authors break out of the mold, so to speak, and do it well, too. You showed his little quirks -- making the list and staying up at night to read biographies -- very well, so I've already got a good sense of his character even from the first few paragraphs, so well done! Also, I did like the line about the Great Hall being thrown into a black hole -- little one-liners filled with humour like that just really get to me.

Your description, as well, was very good. You never gave too much or too little so I had this little image in my head of all that went on as I read the story. As well as Albus, I liked Scorpius' characterisation as well as the explanation for why they were friends (if they could be called that) and again, you didn't go with the usual thing of them meeting on the train and instantly becoming friends, which I really liked. You did a lot of different things in this chapter than what's usually seen in next-gen stories, so it was a lovely read. While it was a little short, the pacing was good and easy to keep up with it and the chapter kept my interest until the very end. I was very intrigued by the letter Albus got, of course, and I'm sure it will make for a great plot as the story develops. Thank you for requesting, as it was my pleasure, and feel free to re-request!

--Linn

Author's Response: No need to apologize! School comes first.

It's so great to hear that my Albus is unique. It's probably because I don't read much Next Gen, so I'm not influenced by others' interpretations (well, I have read a few, but those Albuses were so well characterized that I couldn't have done them justice!).

Whew, glad you liked the description. I worry sometimes about my balance as far as description and action. I'm trying to be more light on the description in this novel in order for the plot to move a bit more quickly (because there's A LOT of plot), so I'm glad it's working.

I will most certainly be back to request again. Your review was so helpful! Thank you and good luck with your schoolwork!


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Review #13, by patronus_charm a spell

16th January 2014:
Hey Gina, here with your review!

Ah, I really enjoyed this chapter, it think even more so than the previous one. The opening scene was really excellent and really showed a weakness of Albus and how he isnít as stable as he may perceive. Ok, I may be reading too much into this given that this was the first time he had a nightmare, but it does make Albus a so much more interesting character and I canít wait to find out what the cause of it is.

I really liked the introduction of Joel as he made me laugh a lot, and it was nice to see an OC as theyíre sometimes hard to come across in next gen stories. He seems like such a nice friend so I really canít wait to see more of him because even if Rose thinks heís an idiot, I like him. :P

Madam Reid made me laugh a lot, because she was a nice change from Madam Pomfrey as she had a comedic air about her which was enjoyable to read. I have a feeling that her diagnosis for the scar just being a Quidditch injury might be a bit off though. This is another really interesting aspect of Albusí character that you brought in, and I just want the answers to all these mysteries now!

One small thing that did confuse me was who Vanessa was and why didnít she bring him breakfast, as the explanation was provided for Joel, but then Rose suddenly appeared with it so it left me a little confused.

I really loved Rose too! She was so much fun and definitely a lot crazier here than how I tend to see her so she was so much fun to read. Again, I really love how youíre giving us more and more snippets of their relationship and how they bond together as itís just really nice to read. Her teasing about Sophie made me laugh a lot, and I canít wait to meet her in person now!

The ending to this was very suspicious, well Iím becoming suspicious of everything that Albus seems to be doing so that might be why, but it was his thoughts about D. I. Z. which left me thinking about who she could be and the full story behind them and why he just thinks about the note and never her.

The only thing I can really offer as advice is perhaps a little more description. Iím still struggling a little to visualise Rose and Albus, so the Hospital Wing scene would be a great time to elaborate on this, as itís mainly dialogue at the moment and this could pad it out a little. Plus, the description in the first section was so good with the ivy, I really want more of it :P

Great chapter!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! *hugs*

Ooh, no I like your reading of Albus based on the nightmare. You're right--he's not as "normal" or stable as he likes to pretend he is. Or, at least not anymore. ;)

I'm so glad you like Joel! This was just a sneak peak of his character, but he's going to play a big role in this fic, so it's good to know that you're latching on to his character already. Ah, him and Rose butt heads quite often, which will be fun to write when the time comes. It's all good fun, though.

I wish I could tell you more about the scar, I really do! But my lips are sealed for now.

Ah, right. Vanessa is Joel's girlfriend, and they're basically inseparable, so if he went up to Gryffindor Tower to grab his books, she went with him. I can definitely clear that up in this chapter. I've been planning this fic for so long that I often forget that my readers don't know everything about every character. Thanks for pointing that out!

Sophie will show up in chapter 4. I'm excited for you to meet her! She's such a sweetheart.

You're probably right to be suspicious of just about everything at this point. ;) Hehe. Anyway, thanks so much for the review! I'm sorry for rambling terribly in this response, but really it's your "fault" for writing such amazing things for me to respond to! Thank you!


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Review #14, by marauderfan after hours

14th January 2014:
Here with your requested review! I have no slots in that queue so you don't have to worry about crowding my review thread :)

The chapter summary for this made me giggle. "Albus almost cusses".. lol. Anyway. Since you didn't list an "areas of concern" I'll just comment on anything that stands out to me!

I liked Albus's letter to his father - that is undoubtedly the best thing to do is write to someone who also had a strange scar. The introduction to his letter made me laugh too!

Aw, I can sympathise with Albus. I certainly wouldn't be ok with the cutest couple getting the best chair either. At least they're nice - your characterisation of them is good, they seem like great friends of Albus, despite their tendency to make him a third wheel. I loved when Albus was watching the portrait of McGonagall, wanting her to interrupt them!

Albus's pro/con lists seem to typically be very con-heavy, judging by this one and the last one :P

Ooh, I like the reappearance of the mysterious unknown at the end there. It's not Joel, it's something relating to that ghost woman or the scar - I wonder! Great job keeping the mystery going without divulging anything, your plot is flowing really nicely. I liked that Albus was reading a biography of Dumbledore in the beginning of the scene, too :D

I'm having trouble coming up with helpful CC! This chapter was really well put together. There was one part where it said His heart beat frantically, signaling danger, - and that didn't quite make sense to me as a fast heartbeat isn't exactly a signal that there's danger, usually you sense it first and then the fast heartbeat :p But honestly, apart from the wording of that sentence, this was a very well written chapter! Sorry I'm not much use this time! I really like what you're doing with the story so far. Keep up the great work :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for your review!

I just had to throw in that letter to Harry. Albus here thinks he and his father are quite dissimilar (mostly because he's insecure) but as it turns out, they have quite a bit in common, including a curious, sometimes painful scar. Harry's response to come!

Ha, yeah. He's not a big fan of PDA, especially when it's two of his best friends. He's associated with them, so what they choose to do obviously reflects on him (at least that's what Al believes). Albus is so silly. ;)

His pro/con lists are always con-heavy. He's an angsty teenage boy. It's bound to happen. (I'm being terribly unfair to Albus in this response, aren't I? Just know that I love him and that he won't always be this angsty)

Thanks for the CC. I will definitely work on clearing that up. I was going for the idea that Albus subconsciously heard/sensed something that was out of place, so he sensed danger without fully realizing why... if that makes sense. But I can play around with the wording to make it clearer.

Thanks again for the review! I enjoy hearing from you. :)


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Review #15, by ReeBee after hours

13th January 2014:
Hello again! I planned to get to this sooner, but curse RL :(

Anyway! Ooh! Mystery person! Is this DLK? Ooh! I love it how he's scared! It's so refreshing! Great job with that! :D I've seen way too many MCs who would chase after the stranger and that's what I expected Albus to do :) The fact that he didn't made me smile!

And I love the fact that Albus wrote to Harry! Made me go 'aw'! Oh, and I apologise for the all-over-the-place-ness of this review! But, it was such a squee worthy moment! One of my favourite parts! Ooh! His scar twingesÖ I wonder what that's about!!! :D

And he goes to read after the match! I loved that! :D The personality quirk made me grin! :D And he reads Albus Dumbledore's biography! Wow! And I do that sometimes! Look for clues the author has left for their readers (even when you don't know them or you like thousands of miles away!)! So, that was really realistic and made me relate to the MC 9even if I'm female!)! So I loved that!!

Another awesome chapter! Virtual hugs! :D

-Curie

Author's Response: That's totally fine, sweetie. RL comes first. *hugs*

Ha, I'm glad you like Albus's cowardice. ;) I kid. I wouldn't really call it cowardice. Lack of motivation, maybe? I rather like that he didn't chase after the figure, too, because it shows that courage doesn't always equal blind idiocy (as in, chasing after a scary shadow after hours with no wand).

I'm having a lot of fun playing around with Albus's connection to his father. On the one hand, he hates being compared to his father because he feels like a let-down. Then again he loves their Quidditch connection AND now they have the scar connection. He's a lot like his father without realizing it.

So glad you can relate to Albus! He's got some quirks that annoy me as I write them, but reading ravenously is not one of them. I love him dearly for that.

Your reviews are so sweet. I can't wait for you to read the next chapter! Eek!

xx Gina


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Review #16, by 800 words of heaven after hours

12th January 2014:
Back again (without REVIEW TAG... or more of a continuation of REVIEW TAG)!

It seems that Albus is good at fixing everyone's problems. I can imagine him going around making sure that everything is running smoothly in the lives of the people around him with this long-suffering look.

I thought Joel had also developed clairvoyance if he could tell that his best mate was leaving the room mid-snog. I can imagine that being a rather inconvenient sort of skill to have at times.

Sometimes friends can be a little strange. If I hated something, such as a prank war, initiating that something to help me cheer up, such as a prank war, is not the way to go about making me feel better, especially if times are desperate. Joel, get your head in the game, man! But Albus' description about Joel being either the luckiest or smartest (or both) person he knew may be why such a crazy idea could work. Either way, prank wars are fun for readers!

Okay, you know I've kept on saying Albus is normal. His compulsion to write pro/con lists makes him decidedly less normal. Pro/con lists are amazing, and quite useful, but this bloke makes them all the time. He needs to chill a little.

Mystery person in the shadow? Is this the elusive DLZ? Obviously, I just want to know who DLZ is. Now I have to wait until chapter four is published... Oh, well. Distance (of time, in this case) makes the heart grow fonder, as they say!

Author's Response: Seriously, your reviews are awesome! So refreshing! You focus on such interesting bits of these chapters, it makes me think about my characters in new ways. So thank you!

Joel is an interesting character, for sure. He's constantly trying to drag Albus out of his comfort zone, to make him realize that he IS right for Gryffindor. Even though it seems strange and silly that he would put Albus through something he "hates" (a prank war), I think it's what makes them such good friends. Because, though Albus says he hates prank wars, his blood is stirring in anticipation for a challenge (hinting at the fact that he doesn't REALLY hate them, he's just reluctant to break his routine).

Which brings me to the next point you bring up: Albus being "decidedly less normal." I LOVE this. You're totally right. If he was perfectly, ordinarily normal, he'd be boring anyway. ;) So yes, he's normal-ish, but he's also compulsive in that he makes routines out of silly things like reading after Quidditch practices and returning to the same biography over and over again and making pro/con lists. He's also over socially aware. He's always noticing eyes on him and getting flustered when something goes amiss. I think that's another reason why Joel is good for him. Pushing him out of his comfort zone and all that.

Anyway, enough with my rambling. Thanks for the thought-provoking review. Hopefully chapter four will be up in about a week. :)


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Review #17, by 800 words of heaven a spell

12th January 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

I cannot believe that this story has so few reviews (except for the first chapter, obviously). I really love reading this! That opening nightmare scene! I was sitting there and getting that feeling of my stomach being tossed up as I read it, it felt that real.

I don't know about Joel, but I often don't end up with intense scars and not notice how I got them. Definitely not something from Quidditch! The woman in white is bringing images of the Lady of the Lake from Arthurian legend to mind, but is this the mysterious DLZ? And that scar! Mystery abounds already!

Goodness gracious, I wish I could just conjure my inner Godric. I reckon it would be useful to call upon a brave dude from Cornwall who's been dead for a millennium whenever I needed a little extra courage. It must be a Gryffindor thing, being able to call upon your patron like that :P

Oh, Rose is a piece of work! I love how wonderfully dramatic she can be. She's such a lovely contrast to Albus' normalcy. She's so loud and full of life, and she comes right off the page (er... screen?).

I'm intrigued to see how Albus will handle all the suddenly crazy things that are happening to him right now. He seems like a pretty down to earth kind of guy, but he was quite shaken up by the nightmare, and there is that weird scar. You mentioned in your response to my last review that his normalcy is exactly why he goes on this fantastic adventure, and I think I'm beginning to see how that might work out.

Ooh! And the plot thickens! Can't wait to see what happens next (which I can, because the next chapter is published - yay!).

Author's Response: Hi there!

The story is still pretty new, so I imagine that explains the low reviews. That's okay. The reviews I've gotten have been great!

Hahaha, I love your comment about the inner Godric. Albus often feels like he's not right for Gryffindor, yet that's where the Sorting Hat placed him, so he knows the courage is in there somewhere. And now I'll zip my lips as to not give too much away.

Bah! I love Rose, too! So glad she came to life for you. I've never written such a goofy character before, so I'm glad I'm pulling it off. ;)

Thanks for the lovely review!

-- Gina


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Review #18, by 800 words of heaven morning

11th January 2014:
REVIEW TAG.

This sounded really cool from the summary, so I thought I'd drop in to check it out!

I really like this! Albus seems interesting, if only because he's so... normal. I think I forgot that normal characters can also be intriguing because everyone has a story to tell. I look forward to getting to know him more. Right now, he and seem to have insomnia cures in common - reading can solve almost all the evils of the universe!

Why does Albus hang out with Scorpius if he thinks that he's so annoying? Or is that just some sort of weird love? Or maybe he does it because he enjoys making black holes in the Great Hall. I can understand that - black holes are cool and all opportunities to make them should be seized!

Ooh! Mystery, mystery! Who is this wonderfully mysterious DLZ? And why does she think that there will be love happening... AGAIN? I look forward to finding out!

Author's Response: Glad you were pulled in by the summary! Means I'm doing my job. ;)

Ha, I love that. So many of my reviewers are using that word: normal. And it makes me so happy, because that's exactly how I see him. Even though he has a famous father and a huge family and an even bigger legacy, he's just your typical 17-year-old. I don't want to give away any spoilers, but him being normal makes him the PERFECT candidate for the adventure he's about to go on.

About Scorpius--the explanation shall come later on. But I really like yours. Black holes are pretty cool. :)

Thanks for the review! I hope you'll stick around for more mystery.


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Review #19, by maraudertimes morning

11th January 2014:
Hey! Here for the review swap!

This is really cool! I love how you have an completely unique Albus Potter. As in an Albus Potter that is completely and utterly different than any other Albus Potter I have ever read or written about. And the thing it: I really like this Albus Potter!

The whole Pro and Con thing really caught me off guard. I'm wondering why he does this, but it seems really interesting! And why does he sit with Scorpius if he doesn't like him? Questions, questions!

I'm also super curious as to who this mystery D.L.Z. is. When has Albus ever fallen in love? Perhaps with one of the people he's read about?

This is a really cool premise and I'm really intrigued. I saw your review and if I have time tonight, I'll reciprocate the second review. It's super nice of you to do so (not to mention the fact that I really liked this!).

Anyways, this was a great chapter and you've managed to do capture a new Albus Potter, bring an air of mystery to a slightly unmysterious story with one action, and I feel as if *I* might fall in love with Albus or the mystery D.L.Z. by the end of this!

Superb job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hi there, Lo! Thanks for the review!

I'm glad you like Albus. :) He's certainly got his quirks, writing pro/con lists being one of them. I suppose he's just very... rational. And indecisive. He rarely just follows his gut, which is something that causes him a lot of trouble later on.

Oh, and Scorpius--it'll be explained later on why they're "friends." For now, just think of it as a love/hate friendship.

So glad you've enjoyed this first chapter! Don't feel like you need to review the second chapter just because I left you two reviews--unless of course you want to, then go right ahead!


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Review #20, by LavenderBlue after hours

11th January 2014:
I am absolutely loving this. Al is such a perfect combination of all the makings of an independent man still struggling with insecurities and quirks. Joel serves as a great foil to Albus, but also a fun character in his own right. I especially like Albus' fascination with Dumbledore. I'd never thought of it, but of course Albus would feel a connection with a man who meant so much to his father and who was his namesake.

Prank Wars! Mysterious figures! DRAMA. On top of that, you've got such a fantastic command over the language, and it always makes reading a joy. Looking forward to chapter four!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for another fun review! Joel is a character unlike any I've ever written, so I hope I continue to do him justice! He's far more outgoing and in control than I am. We'll see how it goes. :)

I'm in the middle of chapter four as I write this! I've been planning this story for so long that it's just erupting out of me. Hopefully it continues that way!


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Review #21, by patronus_charm morning

10th January 2014:
Hi Gina! I feel honoured that you wanted a review from me, so thank you!

I thought this was such a great start to the story with Albus being such an interesting narrator. Youíve really done well in subtly given away key characteristics of his and they were weaved in seamlessly that it was only until the end of the chapter that I realised how much I learnt about him. I really love all of his little quirks such as writing pros and cons lists and having insomnia, I do the former too, and know quite a few with the latter but they so rarely appear in fan fiction so it was great to see them here.

One minor pedantic thing you can ignore is that numbers are generally written out in letter form rather than numerical because it makes easier to read for some people. I donít tend to notice the difference too much, but if you want to change anything you could do that. :)

Even though you said you hated introductory chapters, you set this one up really well with the mystery at the end with Albus over whether D. I. Z. actually exists and if she does whatís her connection to Albus. It definitely did make me want to read on because it was rather different to everyone wanting to be loved and adored by the Potter boys so it provided a refreshing read too!

One small clarification which could be added was that I assumed Rose was in Gryffindor because sheís a Weasley and not at the Slytherin table, but just the way she had a go at Albus for not sitting with her left me wondering whether he sometimes sat with her at a different house. If you perhaps just threw in her house name when mentioning where Albus saw her it would lessen the confusion.

I really adored Rose though! She was such fun and really bold and lively and that characterisation of her has always been a favourite of mine. I also liked how she had no qualms about going over and sitting at the Slytherin table despite the prejudice, and that really showed what confidence she had unlike Albus who was dithering away about it. I really canít wait to read more of her.

Scorpius was really interesting and I canít wait to find out how he and Albus ended up friends given that theyíre not in the same house and meant to be sort of enemies. I have a feeling that thereís going to be a good explanation for that.

This was a really great start to the story, and definitely a very interesting introductory chapter! It goes to show as I only had really pedantic things to offer as CC :P

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! I am so glad I requested from you. This review is awesome!

So about Rose... the funny thing is, I haven't decided what House to put her in, so the confusion you're feeling is likely spawned by my confusion. I'm leaning towards Gryffindor. As soon as I decide, I will be sure to clarify that in this chapter. You're not the only one who has brought it up, so it's definitely something I need to fix. Thanks!

Ah yes, Scorpius. Him and Albus do have a pretty significant connection and it will be explained in later chapters. It's not central to the story, but it'll be a fun sub-plot to explore later on.

Anyway, thank you so much for the story. Your praise means a lot to me, considering I genuinely admire your writing (at least the chapters I've read from your last Promotion). I'll definitely need to read more.

xx Gina


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Review #22, by ReeBee a spell

10th January 2014:
Here I am! Anyway, I just realise that I completely forgot to mention Albus' classroom! Anyway, it was a very awesome and interesting concept and I loved it! So lovely and the description! I really could imagine it vividly!

Okay, onto this chapter! I'm still loving the characterisation! I normally don't like to see Rose as anything other than a smart bookworm type, but, I loved this! Like seriously! I'm hooked! I would read through fifty chapters if u had them up!!! :D And it suits her! The dramatic crazy girl! You had me laughing at her antics and shaking my head (while smirking) at her silliness! :D

And wow... A mysterious woman in white! Ooh! I want to know more! Oh! And it was so vivid and so so realistic!

Everything about this story is so so amazingly perfect!! :D I really really love it! Gah! And Madame Reid! Love her too! And Joel was really realistic! I could imagine the expressions he would give Albus! Made me laugh so much!

Great job!! Please do tell me when u update!! I want to read read read! It's been so long since a story had me this hooked! Gah! I'll still be stalking your author page though! Thanks for a super amazing review swap! :D

Author's Response: You have me speechless, girl! Seriously, you are far too nice to me! Now I really wish there was a way I could give you real hugs. :D I suppose virtual ones will have to do for now. *major hugs*

First and foremost, I'm so glad you're liking the characterization. I tried really hard to make each character unique (I even jotted down some traits for each character to help me make them realistic). So yeah, thank you for pointing that out and I'm thrilled you're enjoying both my characters and the story. Seriously, thank you so much! I'll let you know when I update (which will probably be sometime this weekend).


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Review #23, by ReeBee morning

10th January 2014:
Wow! This was amazing! I love review swaps because they introduce u to some AMAZING stories! This is one! Already! Great job!!! :D

First of all, I love the characterisation! Especially how Albus isn't a golden boy! And the scratching comment and the line Scorpius says after that is hilarious! Made me laugh out loud! :D :D

The description is literally perfect in this! You've used it so so well to control flow! And thats the next thing I need to fangirl about! Flow! It was perfect! I love it how seamlessly u incorporated the plot! A lot of authors incorporate the plot in the first chapter and it is so so annoying! But, this was perfect!!!

And the plot itself! So so creative! It's been ages since I read a secret admirer story! I love it when authors revive an old idea! Amazing! Great job!

Awesome chapter! I think I might go on to the next one! This is too interesting!!! :D

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, you're so sweet! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far. I wish I could reach across the internet and hug you for leaving me such a wonderful review! :)

Ha, I'm glad you caught onto the fact that Albus isn't a golden boy. He's just, well, average. I really wanted to bring that across, to contrast with his dad's fame and everyone's expectations of him. Glad you like the plot, too! I've never written a fic quite like this, so it's good to hear I'm handling it well.

*hugs*


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Review #24, by marauderfan a spell

9th January 2014:
Hello! Here with your requested review - you requested chapter 1 from me a few months ago, so I'm doing chapter 2.

I had forgotten how much I liked this story, so it was great to have the reminder to come read it again.

Your characterisation once again is great. Albus seems like an average teenage boy. He's worried about the scar, but he doesn't want to say so because obviously he's fine, he's trying to play it cool. I love your Rose as well, she's spunky and as Albus says, they do seem to make a great team and balance each other out. Their banter is really fun to read, particularly the line about Albus's idiot friends making him feel at home :p

The scar is really mysterious though - I assume it's some link to DLZ, who is probably the ghost woman he saw - the plot is building up so nicely and you are weaving the mystery well. I am so curious about her/the scar/the note, it's like a weird confluence of real and intangible things all having an equal effect on him.

I really like the way you've interspersed your description in with your dialogue. Which leads me to my point of CC - I think you could use a little more description! The description you do have is great, I particularly love the bit about the chink of sunlight coming in the stained glass and illuminating the dust - very vivid. I just think that a few more of these throughout the chapter would be nice. The chapter as it stands is a little dialogue-heavy. You are so talented at descriptions, why not throw a few more in? Such as what the room looks like, what the scar feels like, etc.

Hope that's helpful. This is a really great chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more of your story!

Author's Response: Wow, what a great review! Thank you!

I'm glad to hear that the plot is building naturally. I've never written a pseudo-mystery before, so I'm having difficult deciding when to throw what detail in and whether or not I'm being overwhelming. So thanks for the feedback on that bit!

Also, your CC is perfect. It felt like common sense reading it, which means it's spot on. I will definitely go back and edit in more description. I knew the chapter was lacking something and you just hit the nail on the head.

Again, thank you! I will be sure to hunt you down for more reviews when I update (which should be soon).


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Review #25, by LavenderBlue morning

6th January 2014:
Okay, I'm hooked! I'm already a sucker for post-Hogwarts, but I'm especially digging your Albus. His Pro/Con moment made me want to pinch his ickle cheeks. I really like his dynamic with Scorpius (I love when people are friends, despite one of them being a self-centered a** -cough-SherlockandWatson-cough-). And of course, I'm intrigued by the mysterious D.L.Z. WHO COULD IT BE?! TIME TRAVEL MADNESS. OMG. Clearly, I'm leaving now to read the second chapter. Wonderful work!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like him! He really is adorable. I'm having so much fun with his, well, ordinariness. ;)

Hehehe. It is time travel madness, indeed. I can't wait to get to the later chapters in which things get truly crazy. I guess we both just have to be patient!

Thank you for the review!


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