Reading Reviews for Hourglass
  
48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by krazyboutharryginny morning

21st May 2015:
Hey there! I'm here to leave my first review for our swap! :)

Well, I was a bit - apprehensive, maybe? - going into this, because this really isn't something I normally read (OC fics and next-gen fics), but now I'm really glad we got paired because I'm so intrigued! Honestly, the biggest thing that got me hooked was Scorpius. I want to know what's up with him. Al's thoughts about their almost-friendship and knowing something about Scorpius that broke Lily's heart... that really piqued my curiosity.

Al is a little different here than I've seen him done before, even in looks. I always see him written looking just like Harry (I can't remember if that's how it is in the books?). He also doesn't seem to be as close to Rose as I usually see him written, but I may just be misreading that. Anyway, I totally don't mind those differences. In a way they just made me more curious.

I'm really excited to continue reading this and see what's happening with Scorpius and Albus. I know that you're setting up the Albus/OC and the overall subject matter here, but that didn't grab me as much. That doesn't bother me though, it's also good to be gradually drawn into things.

I'll probably read and review the next chapter tomorrow! I'm pumped!

-Kayla

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Review #2, by Cath next month

17th May 2015:
This story has to have the most intriguing plot ever, and the style is so good it's addictive. I can't wait for the next chapter!

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Review #3, by HPmum14 next month

12th May 2015:
Good story, more please.

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Review #4, by SilentConfession a spell

11th May 2015:
This note is actually going to drive me crazy. I just want to know what it means and how it has such power over him - to the point it seems to be influencing his actions! This is the sort of thing I could write better, the underlying suspense and things happening to make readers really want to read on. I'm much more of a slow writer who gets to the suspency bits eventually or I put in a lot of obscure clues no one seems to get and so there really isn't much of a point. But hey ho, I have really enjoyed reading how the note with no explained origin keeps coming back and hanging on to Albus. It's thrilling.

I also love Rose. I'm so glad you haven't thrown Albus immediately into that 'other time' and we've had a chance to get to know present characters. She's so much fun and hopeful. The descriptions of her actions are so realistic and clear it's easy to see this story play out like a film in front of my eyes.

I also think Albus should go to practice this whole not going places that he loves is making me feel uneasy. What's going to happen to him?? Especially with that dream that made him scar in his waking life. So strange and I can only think that it's the other time and this timeline getting moulded together. Like they are on top of one another and Albus has to live through both of them, but every time he leaves that other timeline he doesn't remember it, leaving this strange and mysterious girl heartbroken. Just a theory :)

Great job again with this chapter. It sets up your action really well.

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Review #5, by SilentConfession indian summer

11th May 2015:
Great second chapter. Even though there didn't seem like a lot going on it was nice to get introduced to the characters in your story, have them interact with one another, and get a glimpse at how obsessive (and it is obsessive) Albus is being with his note. It probably seems like the biggest deal to him right now, like it's all he can be or his fate is tied up in a little note. Very well done at capturing all that.

Scorpius seems like such a punk. I don't know what I feel about him, right now, but I'm glad you've made him that way. It seems more in character that he isn't pleasant. He isn't overtly horrible either - just sort of rough and angry which I think plays well with how you're characterizing him.

I think the biggest thing I like so far here is how natural your characters are. They just seem like friends and act in ways you would with people you've been around your entire life. I like Rose and how she refuses to let Albus dwell because she things its dangerous and is just trying to look out for him. I like the brief mention of Joel too and how we now know him as a best mate.

This story just seems like it would happen at Hogwarts. You paint a really nice picture of the events - the library scene, outside in the sun, then into the dormitory. It just feel like Hogwarts. Really nice job! I'm digging it!

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Review #6, by SilentConfession morning

11th May 2015:
Hi! Sorry for lateness in reviewing! Today ended up being hectic!

You have a really great writing voice. I think it really helps capture Albus' character here and how he's this sort of this careful, very detailed orientated, confused fellow. It works really well and he's so sweet here I just want to give him a hug. I think it's also a common, normal feeling for a teen to get to that age and just ask 'what have I done' I've lived for 17 years and what do I have to say for myself? It's such common feeling and you displayed that angst really well in him.

The dynamics he has with Scorpius is fabulous. I love how it isn't quite a friendship, but it isn't not a friendship. You balance that line very well and it seems so believable because I think there are always those people in your life that you kind of get on with, but if it were to happen you never saw them it'd be okay because it was more friendship out of obligation - whether it was a shared feeling like Al and Scorpius or just years and years of knowing each other which makes you feel like you have to stay friends.

I'm excited to see what happens to Rose. She's already stands out as being a little bit different than I've read her before and that's exciting for me. She doesn't seem uptight, angry, or incredibly overbearing and it's interesting to see what you will come up with. However- with the hints of time travel here i'm not sure if i will get to see this.

Great start! This has just enough mystery of where does this note come from, why is Albus like he is, to keep a reader interested. I also like how you describe things. Things like the syrupy note and keeping coming back to that which really drills that image into my head. That or Rose's tangled mess or droopy eyes. It's really helps me visualize the story and feel the story alongside Albus.

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Review #7, by Roisin indian summer

5th May 2015:
Man, you do a really great job of capturing the teenage experience and perspective. It's sort of hard to explain, but you manage to make relatively little things feel kind of big. Like, Peeves throwing books around is very much a Scene even before Tracy is introduced. Albus definitely feels things in that way that teenagers feel things--deeply and all at once.

And I'd sort of pegged Scorpius as maybe gay last chapter and I'm super happy he is! Or at least queer. Continuing to dig the characterization :)

BAH, the thing about the Universe not being orderly--clever clever you!

Throughout, I like the way you weave very lovely and delicate prose so easily with youthful voice. Like at the beginning with "butts," and then later "and hating their lives." Well executed, and adds a lot of realism to Al's perspective.

I'll be favoriting this story, too--it's been a while since I got really stoked on a WIP so I'm excited!

xoxo
Roisin

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Review #8, by Roisin morning

5th May 2015:
BACK. And again, let me say, I really love your writing style. Two of my favorite bits were "their wings carved," and "indecisive hazel"--and there were more that shone, but those two stuck with me.

And you have so much going already! There's definitely something a bit different about Albus, some sort of anxiousness, and I'm interesting seeing that develop and get explored. Or maybe he's just a realistic teenager and we forget how odd that time can be and feel. Either way, it's definitely compelling.

Scorpius' characterization is also an interesting one, and one I absolutely buy. Charismatic enough to be compelling, enough of a jerk to be interesting. And I love Albus' voice throughout, and the call back of "accidental vs real." I also generally like the idea a lot of being 'responsible' for him.

It also seems like you're doing something a bit unique with Rose (which is to say, not carbon-copy Hermione), and I'm super stoked to see more of this characterization. And I know from the description that there's time travel, and so I'm VERY VERY piqued already!

Hmmm, the only canon names I can think of that start with Z are Zabini or Zeller... I suppose we'll see.

WONDERFUL CHAPTER!

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Review #9, by ASDFGHJKL1234 all day

3rd May 2015:
THUMBS UP FOR ORIGINALITY!
ALL FINGERS UP FOR WRITING STYLE!!

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Review #10, by Dirigible_Plums all day

3rd May 2015:
Just wanted to say that I'm really intrigued by this. I like your portrayal of the characters - I mean, Rose really is amazing. I'm also curious about Scorpius and would love to see more of his interactions with Al (whose characterisation I also love).

All of this mystery is killing me! I honestly can't think of where you're going with this so I will definitely be following this.

Dirigible_Plums xo

(Is it just me or does this review seem to lack something?)

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Review #11, by AussieLottie after hours

2nd May 2015:
I REALLY like this story!! The style reminds me of Arundhati Roy's 'The God of Small Things' which is a very pleasant surprise. I'm definitely staying tuned for more. Loving your characterization of everybody too, very realistic and surprisingly melancholy.

-AussieLottie (10/10)

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Review #12, by HPmum14 after hours

2nd May 2015:
interesting story, more please!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The next chapter is in the works and should be up soon.

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Review #13, by patronus_charm after hours

9th June 2014:
Hi Gina, here with your first review!

Aw, I really love Albusí character heís just so relatable and sweet and I really have to applaud you for your ability to write a teenage boy so well! I really liked the letter as that revealed another side to him as we hadnít really seen him talking or writing I should say to his parents until then so it was nice to be able to understand their relationship as I always do wonder what it was like. I mean, the bit about man stuff was just great :P

I definitely agree with Joel and Vanessa about something bothering Albus because while it is expected that he would react from the note, it does seem that he might be affected by this because of another reason. I hope the next chapter is up soon because I really need to know who this person is and what connection she has to Albus as itís so intriguing!

Ooh a prank war sounds fun! It sounds as if these guys are very experienced in this area so I canít wait to see what they get up to. I know Iíve said it before, but I love it when Albus does the pros and cons in his head as it just makes it so much more varied and fun to read as I love it when writers include different techniques into their work.

The ending was mysterious! Even though it all points to Joel doing it because of the prank war and stuff, I have a feeling itís not him but the mysterious D.L.Z. instead as it just fits better in my head for some reason. Ah, please say the next chapter is up soonish as I really want to find out now especially after that last incident!

Great chapter, Gina!

-Kiana

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Review #14, by Chazzie after hours

2nd March 2014:
Hey there!
First off I really like the idea of a time travel fic that doesn't include the main character being the one who goes back in time. D.L.Z. sounds interesting! Were they the person in the shadows? The prank war sounds fun - I always find it funny to see what the characters do when they can use magic. Although they are keeping to school rules, which I've never read before. And Rose is an interesting character to say the least. In any case, it's ace so far, and I'll keep reading!
Chazzie (Review 2/10 for the Slytherin/Gryffindor Blackout)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! Glad you're intrigued. ;)

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Review #15, by Remus morning

20th February 2014:
Hey!! So sorry for that uber long wait. So much for 24 hours, right? Haha.

This sounds like a very, VERY interesting story! Time travel? Hopefully! Those are always fun.

Ah, Albus! He sounds like a sweetie but also very meticulous about how he leads his life with the pro/cons lists. I can relate to that, hahaha since I do something like that myself from time to time. However, he seems kind of lonely. Specially with that sanctuary of his. Almost as if he wants to keep everyone out.

His relationship with Rose and Scorpius is both funny and interesting. Rose, of course, is a regular annoying little cousin but his friendship with Scorpius...now why would he feel "responsible" for him? It seems they're not exactly friends but they seem to rely on each other since they're trying to leave their father's legacies. It must be tough. One is the son of the savior, the other one is the son of the turncloak. Must be tough!

I guess that's it! Hahaha. It was a short chapter but it gives us a taste of what's to come! It makes me wonder what's going to happen and how time travel is going to come about since the Timeturners were destroyed.

Thank you so much for doing the swap with me!! :D

--Rosie

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Review #16, by Lululuna after hours

17th February 2014:
Hi again! :)

Haha, I love how Albus begins his letter with "man stuff" to trick Ginny into leaving. It's funny how he feels he can confide in Harry since this is something they share, but that Ginny will worry too much to be told.

The Cutest Couple in Gryffindor is such a funny idea. I liked Joel in the last chapter so it's nice he's getting some lurve. I also really liked this description: Vanessa's small frame coiled agilely on Joelís lap. It was a cool way to describe the scene. I've said this in the last review but I love how visual your writing is.

I like the detail you've given to the minor characters, like how Vanessa and Joel are sort of a unit, and how she likes burning incense and how her skin smells. Her and Joel's level of adoring PDA and how comfortable they are with one another is great too, I love reading about couples who are also best friends. That was such a unique way of introducing the character. I really like all the OCs so far.

Haha, the prank war is so exciting! I

Albus looked resolutely at a portrait hanging over the hearth of Minerva McGonagall, the previous Head of Gryffindor House. Okay, LOVE this. I'm not sure if this is JKR-approved or not but I remember seeing the set for the movies and this was one of the features in it. Awesome. But wait... is McGonagall dead?? :( That's so sad, though I like how Albus is still afraid of her ghost haunting him.

I love how Albus is comforted by reading about Dumbledore, and how he wishes there was a message left for him by Dumbledore. I think that's very relatable, to want to be special and acknowledged by great and famous people.

Ooh, the figure is so spooky! I got goosebumps reading that section, especially since Albus was out in the dusk by himself. That's such a frightening time of the day. I'm really excited to find out more and keep reading! :)

Another great chapter, I'm already excited for the next one! :D

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Review #17, by Lululuna a spell

17th February 2014:
Review swap! :)

I've actually wanted to get back to this story since I read the first chapter, so this is the perfect break from reading and reviewing the Speed Dating stories. :) You definitely intruiged me with the first chapter (time travel!).

I'm so confused and curious about what is going on with Albus! It seems almost as if he has some sort of fits which everybody has heard rumours about, judging from the way his friends were acting. What I love about him here is how he's such a vivid thinker - or maybe you're just a wonderfully visual writer regardless - and how his dreams and his thoughts are so strongly visual. The descriptions at the beginning, especially the salmon-coloured flowers and the taste of salt, felt so real.

Rose seems like she's a lot of fun and a great cousin/friend to Albus. I like how open they are with each other and how comfortable they are, and how Rose seems to know all about what's going on with Al's life. Poor Sophie, but Rose suggesting sending her the note did make me giggle. :P

I'm really curious about the letter and the girl in the white dress, and how she's connected with Albus and the scar. The whole story has such an air of excitement and dark mystery about it, but set in the more light-hearted, modern setting of Hogwarts. I love how the dark and the light seem to collide for Albus, and how he's beginning to be more and more consumed by the note and the mystery.

A few lines I really liked:

And there she was. Looking eerily familiar in her white robe, the fabric wet and billowing as the waves rocked her small frame. Though far from reach, he heard her breath as though her lips were pressed to his ear. This was such a chilling image, maybe it's something about wearing white. I'm not sure, but she seems very ghostly and almost a little controlling of Albus. I love the way you described her and the intensity of that scene.

His cousin flung herself onto Albus's now empty bed, resting the back of her right hand dramatically against her forehead. Her hair fell from its previously tidy bun, splaying across the too-white sheets. This made me giggle at Rose immediately. Her dramatics are quite funny and really shows their comfortable cousin relationship.

He could see the dust motes circling, dyed by the colored panes of glass. He reached out to grab one. I'm not sure why, but this was such a fantastic and precise detail and I really loved it. Little things like this help so much with setting the scene and having the characters move dynamically within it.

A wonderful chapter, I will get to the next one soon! :D

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Review #18, by lia_2390 a spell

26th January 2014:
Ah Rose, she's so melodramatic, isn't she? I wonder what you have in store for her. Sometimes when authors include things - like Albus's brief analysis of Rose - it makes me wonder if you tried
to foreshadow an event. She isn't like
most Roses I've read about either.

As for Albus, he is a thinker, for sure. But even as the characters almost lose him to his thoughts, I find I do as well. It might help for us to be privy to some of them. Like one reviewer mentioned, I'd like to see some more description here instead of dialogue.

I think I might change my theory about this mystery girl every chapter. Right now, the gears in my mind are turning, and I have no idea what might happen next. And that's a good thing, especially with this genre.

I am curious about the scar though. I don't believe Quidditch could cause such a wound in the inner aspect of his forearm. Which sort of makes me wonder if he sleepwalks, or his dreams are more real than he thinks.

I do like your writing style. There is a hint of a contemporary feel to it. It's amazing how much writing has progressed. When I read your lines sometimes, they floor me. If I had to pick a favourite from this chapter, it would definitely be this one:

He could see the dust motes circling, dyed by the colored panes of glass. He reached out to grab one.

"Albus?"

His hand came back empty.


I love things like that. As simple as it is, it's lovely.


Lia

Author's Response: HEHEHE. I'm such a sucker for foreshadowing, so it's pretty likely that I've thrown some in to every chapter (some unintentionally). Oh, and I adore Rose. :)

Thank you for the feedback on Albus's inner dialogue. I do need to add more of his thoughts and perceptions, and I definitely went light on the description here. I'm trying to get a different feel out of this piece--more young adult, more humor--but ultimately I am a description girl and I know that this chapter is lacking. Edits are imminent!

Hehe. Theories. I love that you're coming up with theories! It means I'm doing my job.

YOU'RE WONDERFUL. Thanks for another lovely review.


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Review #19, by lia_2390 morning

26th January 2014:
It's so interesting to see these characters portrayed in such a way. Most times when I read them, I almost forget they are teenagers. Albus is such a sweetheart. It is honestly endearing to see him blush at the contents of a letter. In a way, you through some shade at other forms of characterisation of Albus Potter. When you mentioned he went to his classroom when girls rejected him, I sat back and re-read it. It was very subtle the way you included it, then moved on to other things. Usually it's him and Scorpius breaking hearts and taking names. He seems so lonely though :(

Speaking of Scorpius, well...I don't know what to say. He's one of my favourite characters in the fandom, so I don't mind if he's acting ridiculous. Their non-friendship is a curious one. Part of me wonders why they even bother, but perhaps it may show its worth later on.

From reading on, this story has the feel of something akin to time travel. Or maybe Al was someone else in his past life who met this girl. Now she's there, but he doesn't know who she is. Or his past memory hasn't awoken yet, but hers has.

Can I just say how lovely your description is? Nothing about it or the rest of your narrative seems forced. At all.

I think you started off quite well with this story. So I'm eager to read the rest of it :)

Lia

Author's Response: LIA! So sorry I took forever to respond...

Honestly, I haven't read much Next Gen. That's probably a large reason why Albus seems a bit different here. But I'm also glad that my characterization is unique! I really like the direction his character is headed in, though it was such a struggle to pin him down initially.

Ah, Scorpius. Yes, I will explore their relationship later on. And that's all I will say for now. ;)

I'm sorry if this is a spoiler, but yes, this is time travel. I was going to throw that bit into my summary, but because it's not traditional time travel, I didn't. So I guess that's not much of a spoiler since I haven't told you who is time traveling or how it has been accomplished (or why). Mwa ha ha!

Thanks for the lovely review. You're the best!


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Review #20, by luciusobsessed a spell

21st January 2014:
Another amazing chapter! I love the way you started it off. I'm hoping to hear more about this lady in white in future chapters, and about the newly appeared scar as well. I love the relationship between Albus and Rose. They're very playful and care for each other at the same time. I like the character development in your story and am excited to learn more about Albus. This is the first Albus story I've ever read and I really love it so far. Keep it up! xoxo luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review (and sorry it took so long for me to respond)! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. :) I'm hoping to have another chapter up soon.

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Review #21, by maraudertimes a spell

18th January 2014:
Hi!

I really liked this chapter! Joel wasn't a very notable character, but I got to know more about Albus and more about Rose, which I really liked.

It was a little sad to know that Albus's only connection to his father was playing Quidditch just as well as him, but I guess when your father was the Chosen One, you don't really get to experience the same things.

I absolutely loved Rose in this chapter. She seemed like the crazy cousin, the nurturing friend, the headstrong Weasley. You've characterized her beautifully, and I love that she's so dedicated. I just really love your version of Rose Weasley!

I'm still super intrigued by the note, and also a little at who Albus is leading on! This is going on my currently reading list and I promise to get to the next chapter ASAP!

Great job! Please keep it up!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yep, this is just a very small peak at Joel's character. He will make a larger appearance in chapter 3, and he will play a big role in this story, so you'll get to know him in more depth.

Albus only thinks that's his only connection with his father. He's actually quite similar (they were/are both angsty teenage boys, they both have strange scars, etc.), though he won't admit it due to his own insecurities. It's hard to be the son of "The Chosen One."

So glad you loved Rose (I do too!) and that you're intrigued by the note! I am having so much fun plotting this mystery. I can't wait to unveil more information!

Thanks for the review. I look forward to hearing from you again soon!


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Review #22, by Lululuna morning

17th January 2014:
Hello! :) Here from review swap!

This is a brilliant chapter! I love how you've chosen to write from Albus' POV, and he seems like a really cool guy so far. It's funny how reluctant and a little irritated he is about Scorpius, Rose, and everything else in the world, and I whole-heartedly approve of his tendency to make lists. Lists are great.

Okay, so my guess right now is that Albus has some sort of really mysterious power to see the past or to make things from books come alive. Or possibly has a really overactive imagination. The scene which seemed to come from Agrippa's book was very vivid and strong, I felt it must have something to do with a power beyond just being able to visualize things really clearly. And then there was when he first discovered his classroom and thought he saw a "ghastly specter" in the distance.

This classroom of his sounds quite lovely as well, and I wonder if it is truly something that only he can discover. The idea of him getting rid of the desks by stashing them in the room of requirement made me laugh as well. It would be very cool if the room has something to do with his visions (for lack of a better word) and the mysterious note.

As for the note... it's very curious how it seemed to come from nowhere. My guess right now is that it involves somebody who either doesn't exist in the same time period or place as him, and that he's somehow been compelled to forget. ...is this a time travel story?? The clues here and the title "hourglass" seems to indicate so, and if it's true, then that makes me even more excited to find out what's going on! :D Time travel is just the best.

I like the banter between the friends so far- Scorpius especially makes me smile and I like how they have a sort of friendship based on Scorp being a little whiny and obnoxious and Al putting up with him. It makes sense how they would bond over their fathers' shadows: I really liked that connection.

This was a great beginning to your story! :D I really enjoyed it! :)

Author's Response: Hello hello!

Hahaha. I lol'ed at your description of Albus as irritated at everything. I wholeheartedly agree! He doesn't think he's very much like his father, but they were/are both angsty teenage boys! It makes me love him dearly.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but it is simply (simply?) a case of an overactive imagination. He gets really caught up in biographies, so much so that their lives bleed into his. I suppose it is a sort of power, though, because not many people have such a strong imagination at 17. :)

And now I will do the opposite of burst your bubble: Yes, this is a time travel story! I was hesitant to put it into the description because some people have a negative opinion of the traditional time travel story--BUT, this will be anything but traditional. Now excuse me while I duct tape my mouth shut.

Anyway, THANK YOU. I loved reading this review (and I loved reading your story). So glad you enjoyed this first chapter!


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Review #23, by luciusobsessed morning

17th January 2014:
I LOVE IT! I love the character of Albus. His little habits stand out to me the most, like his pros and cons list, how he has his own place he goes to when he wants to be alone, the way he is in his relationships with Scorp and Rose. I love his personality, and I love the nostalgic feeling you instill in him, which is something I'm sure almost everyone can relate to. Amazing chapter, keep it up! xoxo luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!

I'm so glad that you can relate to Albus, and I love the "nostalgic feeling" that you mentioned. Not only is that an insightful observation, but it's a huge compliment to me. I think characterization is the aspect that I work on the most in my writing, so your review means a lot.

Thanks again, and I hope you continue to enjoy!


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Review #24, by Cavell morning

16th January 2014:
Hi there, it's Raine from the forums with your requested review finally! I do sincerely apologise for the wait -- I am totally drowning in school right now, so it's a little harder to find enough time to get to my review requests, but I'm here now!

Firstly, I loved your characterisation of Albus in this. Even from reading the summary, I knew your Albus would be different from all the others you usually see in stories here, and when I read the first list about his having breakfast with Scorpius, it just confirmed it and honestly, I'm rather impressed. I rarely see authors break out of the mold, so to speak, and do it well, too. You showed his little quirks -- making the list and staying up at night to read biographies -- very well, so I've already got a good sense of his character even from the first few paragraphs, so well done! Also, I did like the line about the Great Hall being thrown into a black hole -- little one-liners filled with humour like that just really get to me.

Your description, as well, was very good. You never gave too much or too little so I had this little image in my head of all that went on as I read the story. As well as Albus, I liked Scorpius' characterisation as well as the explanation for why they were friends (if they could be called that) and again, you didn't go with the usual thing of them meeting on the train and instantly becoming friends, which I really liked. You did a lot of different things in this chapter than what's usually seen in next-gen stories, so it was a lovely read. While it was a little short, the pacing was good and easy to keep up with it and the chapter kept my interest until the very end. I was very intrigued by the letter Albus got, of course, and I'm sure it will make for a great plot as the story develops. Thank you for requesting, as it was my pleasure, and feel free to re-request!

--Linn

Author's Response: No need to apologize! School comes first.

It's so great to hear that my Albus is unique. It's probably because I don't read much Next Gen, so I'm not influenced by others' interpretations (well, I have read a few, but those Albuses were so well characterized that I couldn't have done them justice!).

Whew, glad you liked the description. I worry sometimes about my balance as far as description and action. I'm trying to be more light on the description in this novel in order for the plot to move a bit more quickly (because there's A LOT of plot), so I'm glad it's working.

I will most certainly be back to request again. Your review was so helpful! Thank you and good luck with your schoolwork!


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Review #25, by patronus_charm a spell

16th January 2014:
Hey Gina, here with your review!

Ah, I really enjoyed this chapter, it think even more so than the previous one. The opening scene was really excellent and really showed a weakness of Albus and how he isnít as stable as he may perceive. Ok, I may be reading too much into this given that this was the first time he had a nightmare, but it does make Albus a so much more interesting character and I canít wait to find out what the cause of it is.

I really liked the introduction of Joel as he made me laugh a lot, and it was nice to see an OC as theyíre sometimes hard to come across in next gen stories. He seems like such a nice friend so I really canít wait to see more of him because even if Rose thinks heís an idiot, I like him. :P

Madam Reid made me laugh a lot, because she was a nice change from Madam Pomfrey as she had a comedic air about her which was enjoyable to read. I have a feeling that her diagnosis for the scar just being a Quidditch injury might be a bit off though. This is another really interesting aspect of Albusí character that you brought in, and I just want the answers to all these mysteries now!

One small thing that did confuse me was who Vanessa was and why didnít she bring him breakfast, as the explanation was provided for Joel, but then Rose suddenly appeared with it so it left me a little confused.

I really loved Rose too! She was so much fun and definitely a lot crazier here than how I tend to see her so she was so much fun to read. Again, I really love how youíre giving us more and more snippets of their relationship and how they bond together as itís just really nice to read. Her teasing about Sophie made me laugh a lot, and I canít wait to meet her in person now!

The ending to this was very suspicious, well Iím becoming suspicious of everything that Albus seems to be doing so that might be why, but it was his thoughts about D. I. Z. which left me thinking about who she could be and the full story behind them and why he just thinks about the note and never her.

The only thing I can really offer as advice is perhaps a little more description. Iím still struggling a little to visualise Rose and Albus, so the Hospital Wing scene would be a great time to elaborate on this, as itís mainly dialogue at the moment and this could pad it out a little. Plus, the description in the first section was so good with the ivy, I really want more of it :P

Great chapter!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! *hugs*

Ooh, no I like your reading of Albus based on the nightmare. You're right--he's not as "normal" or stable as he likes to pretend he is. Or, at least not anymore. ;)

I'm so glad you like Joel! This was just a sneak peak of his character, but he's going to play a big role in this fic, so it's good to know that you're latching on to his character already. Ah, him and Rose butt heads quite often, which will be fun to write when the time comes. It's all good fun, though.

I wish I could tell you more about the scar, I really do! But my lips are sealed for now.

Ah, right. Vanessa is Joel's girlfriend, and they're basically inseparable, so if he went up to Gryffindor Tower to grab his books, she went with him. I can definitely clear that up in this chapter. I've been planning this fic for so long that I often forget that my readers don't know everything about every character. Thanks for pointing that out!

Sophie will show up in chapter 4. I'm excited for you to meet her! She's such a sweetheart.

You're probably right to be suspicious of just about everything at this point. ;) Hehe. Anyway, thanks so much for the review! I'm sorry for rambling terribly in this response, but really it's your "fault" for writing such amazing things for me to respond to! Thank you!


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