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3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LittleLionGirl As the World Falls to Pieces

24th January 2014:
Hey! So funny story- I figured I was obligated to review for this so here you go! I really love how you wrote Snape. He was written just perfectly- not too terrible but not very lovable. He was perfectly balanced. I think the last bit perfectly captured Snape and Lily's relationship while they were at school. All and all great job dear!
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Thank you! I always feel like this piece never got enough love. Lol. I liked it, not sure why it's been looked over. +] Thanks for the swap! I'll pop over to your page and see what I can find!

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Review #2, by academica As the World Falls to Pieces

18th November 2013:
Hi there, finally here with your requested review!

I really liked this piece. It was interesting for you to explore these few significant moments in Severus's life as a young adult. I liked getting to see things like the revelation of the prophecy and the Potters' deaths from his perspective. I also liked how you explored many of his different emotions here--eagerness and elation at being able to give the prophecy to the Dark Lord, regret and anguish at the thought of losing Lily, and sadness enveloping the joy of the memory.

So yeah, I think your Severus was believable and I really liked your take on him. You didn't totally blame him for his mistakes or whitewash him too much; your portrayal just seems very honest, exposing his immense pain for what it is. I think these themes were served well by your use of first person, which seemed pretty solid considering that it's your second time using it.

The only thing I could find to improve about this piece is the flow/readability. For the most part, your language and imagery are beautiful, but you occasionally make little errors that take me away temporarily from the beauty of the overall story. If you got a beta to look this over, or even just read it over carefully again by yourself, you could probably get rid of those little errors.

I know you were concerned about not having a lot of feedback. Unfortunately, a lot of times people forget about challenges or never get around to reading and reviewing, though it's definitely not unusual for a month to go by if people get too busy to judge the challenge, even for those that do eventually get resolved. To draw more people to this story, you might consider applying at TDA for a banner or advertising on the forums (for instance, you could try doing a review swap). I will forewarn you that Snape/Lily isn't popular and that may, sadly, be part of the problem :(

Anyway, nice work! I hope this review helps!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad that I was able to portray Snape accurately. I never saw Snape as black or white. He made mistakes, and then lived his life trying to fix him. He wasn't great from the start, and I believe he didn't deserve Lily, but whether or not he deserved her, he loved her. And I'm gald I was able to go through those emotions effectively.

Beta readers!!! I need to start investing in these more. +] Thanks


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Review #3, by toomanycurls As the World Falls to Pieces

10th November 2013:
Hi!! Doing a RRT review. I saw this story needed love and I love reading Snape's point of view.

You really show how Snape changed between hearing the prophecy and finding out about Lily's death. You give him quite the voice for this period of his life.

I really loved the line about him now being terrified of Dumbledore. I can imagine how scary it'd be to be the subject of ire when it comes to Dumbledore.

You do a great job showing how Snape would have informed Voldemort. I like that he wasn't Death Eater #1 before, just another guy trying to do his best for the Dark Lord.

Wow, the contrast between Snape about to tell Voldemort about the prophecy and him and going to Dumbledore for help is quite well done.

Snape's reaction to Lily's death is quite sad. :(

The way you end this, with Snape remembering his sweetest moments with Lily is so bittersweet. I love the almost-kiss they had.

Quite a wonderful story!!
-Rose

Author's Response: Finally! This is literally the first piece of feedback I've ever received on this story, from any site I've posted it on. I was beginning to think it was awful. Thank you thank you for letting me know it's not horrid! +]

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