Reading Reviews for Everto Trucido
  
146 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna Superhero

8th April 2014:
Hello! :) I was so excited to see a new chapter, and mad at myself that it took so long to get here!

Before the fun praise and squee I just have a comment about the use of ... hmm, not sure what it is in English, but let's call it the "past-past" and the dialogue in italics. I don't think you need to use the "past-past" (i.e. she had done vs. she did) just because it takes up so much of the chapter and was a little distracting - I've done that before too and I tend to get carried away with the past-past so I'm extra sensitive to it. :P So that's something to think about, but feel free to ignore me.

I am so nervous about this vampire! Eep, I have a suspicion that was what attacked Grace in the forest, because it's quite mysterious how it just disappeared. And of course the Cruors were just useless about the whole thing. *sigh." I renounce my vote for Severus to die (and it seems like I'm not the only one!) and think the Cruors should die instead because they do nothing but make life difficult for Grace and they are very unreasonable.

I like how Moony and Remus are two separate yet linked entities for Grace, and how she feels she can bond with Moony without hurting her already broken friendship with Remus. I also got really excited at the mention of letters from her parents!! I can't wait for that to happen and possibly for Grace to get some explanations out of them about how they felt about sending their little daughter off as they did.

The scene in the bathroom was quite funny as well - poor Grace, baths really are going to be spoiled for her. I really enjoy these girls and how they just barrel in and do as they like. However, it was also interesting when Lily told Grace off for involving herself in the Snape drama - as she should, Grace was acting a little selfishly. That's what I like about your characters though, how they feel so realistic and flawed and normal that I just really relate to them despite how exciting and awesome their lives are. :P

Hmm, so it seems like this might actually be the beginning of something for Snape and Grace, like they are actually going to sort of get along. Possibly. I'm glad that Grace confided in him, although it's probably a good thing she didn't freak the poor kid out by explaining the soulmate stuff. :P I can't decide whether he'd be flattered or run away screaming in the opposite direction... okay, probably the latter.

The development of the Remus situation is quite interesting as well. I like how Grace got a little jealous about Mary, although Mary is, like, a preteen. :P And how Alice asked why she broke up with him - that moment jut felt really normal and natural, and it was small but I really enjoyed it. It shows too how Grace really isn't close to the girls to talk about these things, even if they are trying.

Great chapter, I can't wait for the next one and to find out what happens in the forest! :D

Author's Response: Hey there!

Oh, that's okay. It took me forever to actually finish the chapter :).

Thank goodness! I believe it's the non-continuous past perfect tense, and it drives me crazy. Since I put the "present" parts of the story in 3rd-person past, I thought I would have to use the past perfect to differentiate between the two (as if the italics didn't give it away). If I don't have to use it, I won't -- it's super annoying :D.

Bum, bum, bum! The mystery of the vampire continues! ^.^ I was going to solve it in this chapter, but I thought that I'd let it run for a little bit. The Crurors are mostly useless for everything... and they expect a lot out of Grace, who is helping them for free. Haha, there were a few people who placed their vote for Severus to die. -_- I see how it is. I think it has something to do with sympathizing with the more likeable character (Remus), and knowing that killing Snape off would be a possible solution.

I'm very excited to write about their week off for the Holidays; I've got so much planned :D. There's also a rough path in fixing Remus and Grace's relationship, so she'll just have to spend time with Moony until then.

Somebody suggested -- marauderfan, I believe -- that I change the story summary to "The story in which Grace's baths are constantly interrupted". That's just a fun little constant that I've been running with, a symbolic place in which Grace is trapped and forced to converse with the girls. Grace isn't looking at this from Lily's perspective, and obviously doing this for her own gain. Yay for flawed characters! :D

Well, they may be able to be in the same room as one another for more than five minutes without one of them saying something odd (Grace) or saying or doing something mean (Snape)... just maybe ;). I'm sure he may run away if Grace told him that he was her soul mate *cough*. That may be coming on a little strong. LOVE ME! strong.

Naturally Remus wouldn't be interested in Mary, she's a little too young for him at this point (though, it's funny that three years doesn't seem like such a large gap as people age). Grace can't see that at the moment though, nor can she justify her jealousy. I'm still working the drama angle for a little bit, I thought it would add a little something to the Hogwarts years (I can't wait until it's over)! Grace really hasn't attempted to open up to the girls at this point...she's been preoccupied.

Thanks!! I'm working on it ;)!

-Rumpel


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Review #2, by Gabriella Hunter The Trial

7th April 2014:
HELLO!!!

Hey, its Gabbie! We were supposed to do a swap yesterday but I didn't have time but here I am to return the favor. (Oh, thank you for the gushy review for my story, it was beyond lovely.)

So, this is probably the most interesting AU that I've read in a while! I totally love the idea and I wonder what actually went through your mind to make something so unique! Its brilliant. I don't read a lot of AU but this is going to be a favorite of mine for sure, I'm already really curious on what will happen! :D

I think that this chapter is nice because it does set up your later chapters and I think Grace is mysterious and strong to have stood there under trial the way that she did. I want to ask how she got there, what they were going to do with her and why there was blood but that's just going to ruin it for me later when I devour the rest of this.
I also love all the mismatched characters that you had going on. You had me at Severus Snape, I can't wait to see how he and the others interact with one another and what might happen once all of their memories are out in the open. The drama and dynamics alone are making me bite my fingernails! :D
I really, really enjoyed this so if you see me around later, stalking this story, don't be too surprised!

Much love,
Gabbie

P.S.: You seemed to have really liked my one-shot, "At Midnight" so I'm going to suggest that you try reading another story of mine called "Transparent". It features the awful Teddy Lupin once again or if that's not for you, "Abandon" has a lot of drama and hot boys oozing dark sexiness. ;)

Author's Response: Hello! That's perfectly okay!

I was a bit surprised that you picked Everto, as it is a bit insane :). I'm glad that you like this AU, though -- it's my baby.

This chapter was meant to be a hook and a strange introduction, so I'm glad that it played its part. Most of the characters are very important to one piece of the story or another, especially Snape.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel

(I may just have to do that when I get more time! I do love your characterization of Teddy ♥ !)


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Review #3, by Hogwarts27 Superhero

6th April 2014:
After Grace wondering what was going on with that vampire that disappeared in the last chapter, the forbidden forest scene at the end of this one really sparked my interest. I'm wondering whether she'll meet Remus during the full moon - or a vampire - or both? Or even something worse, like hordes of vampires. I'll stay tuned.

Author's Response: Hey there,

There's still a bunch happening! I'll unravel the vampire mystery soon, though it seems I keep dragging it along through the chapters. I'm nearly at the point where I can elapse some time fairly quickly -- at least several months (which is fantastic because this has been moving so slowly)!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #4, by marauderfan Superhero

2nd April 2014:
"I will if you get your spatula out of my face." I bet this was loads of fun before they cleared all the culinary embellishments of the archives. Anyway, I actually did come here to review instead of giggling about the April Fools prank, which is over.

lol, I like Grace's tactic for talking to people. Surprise attack conversation! It has worked before, so why shouldn't it work every time?

She finally told Snape about portal hopping and demon slayage...and told Marlene and Lily and Alice too. Pretty soon it will be the whole school! Hopefully its not too important of a secret... oh wait it probably is.

And Grace gets interrupted in the bath again. This is becoming a common theme of this story. Perhaps you should change your story summary...right now it says some stuff about demon slaying but I really think it should say "This is a story about getting interrupted in the bath." :p

oy vey. Sirius and Marlene are fools. Open your eyes, fools. (That's me talking to them.)

THAT LAST SCENE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
IT'S A FULL MOON
AAAH
THAT VAMPIRE THING WASN'T DEAD
and another cliffy!

(Sorry, looks like you're never going to get a normal review from me either.)

but anyway, great chapter, Rumpel!

Author's Response: Oh hai!

The April Fools joke was pretty fun! I did spend some time reading Everto while it was all...food-ified :D. I think my favorite part was in Amends and Negligence... "Kitchen Safety had taken an interesting and slightly frightening turn... 'Miss Pastry! Take out your spatula!'..." There was so much in that chapter that was just fantastic. :D

Anyway. The attack conversation seemed right down Grace's alley... And, it was mildly effective!

At some point in the second chapter (or possibly the third) I added a brief conversation as to why she didn't want her secret revealed. It was after you'd read it of course...so... you know ;). Basically, it's not a big deal to have people know...more or less an inconvenience.

Lol, it does happen quite a bit, perhaps it should be in the summary ;).

Yes, fools :D. That's okay though, I've got plans!

Normal review? What's that? It doesn't sound fun, lol. I was going to make the chapter longer, but I hadn't updated in so long I thought it be a good length to transition back into the story :D.

THANK YOU! &heats;

-Rumpel



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Review #5, by 1917farmgirl The Trial

26th March 2014:
Okay, THAT was a whirlwind ride! Talk about characters coming at you from right and left! And SO many questions!

Seriously, though, it's brilliant. Throwing readers right into the thick of things and shoving stuff at them left and right. If that doesn't make people want to keep reading, I don't know what will!

You have a very, very nice writing style. It draws readers in and lets them see the story playing out before them. And even though I only know about half of these characters, they seem real and I already care about them and want to know what's going on.

I also have to give you bonus points for handling such a HUGE amount of characters in this chapter. I know I always struggle when I write large crowds with making sure I don't "lose" people in the writing. You did a very good job!

So, now I need to know exactly who Grace is, what she can do, how she changed everything... And then there's this rather dodgy sounding conversation with Death. Death doesn't make good deals, usually, so I'm very nervous! What did Grace have to give him?

See, hooked already. Told you I would be! I promise I'll be back for more.

- Farmgirl

Author's Response: It has taken me FOREVER to respond to this, along with my other reviews...I'm working my way up the list :D.

I'm glad that you enjoyed this, like we've discussed, this one isn't everyone's cup of tea!

This chapter was rewritten so many times, but I think I've managed to, well...manage the characters finally. There's a ton of name-dropping in here that gets confusing!

Why does everybody want to hate on Death? ;) ...don't answer that.

Thanks so much!!

-Rumpel


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Review #6, by Lululuna Simulation Number Two

17th February 2014:
Hello! :) So before I get reviewing I just wanted to say this is my 500th review, yay! :D I was trying to decide who to bestow it on (haha) and since you're so lovely and I hadn't gotten to the next chapter of Everto yet this was just perfect. So yay! :)

The CI is SO COOL! Wow. Mad skills.

You know... if Sev got eaten and killed by a vampire... would anybody REALLY mind? I mean, Grace could be with Remus and everyone would be happy. Except for Tonks, and the Everto gods, and probably it would be a little inconvenient for Dumbledore. But still... :P

I love how you wrote the action scenes. The vampires with their rows of teeth are terrifying and I love the attacking and killing scenes since you write them so flawlessly. It really shows how hardcore Grace is as well.

You have begun the transformation to what you claim to hunt. Okay, Death is really being a bit of a jerk right now. I mean, HE IS DEATH. He really shouldn't be talking, literally and in this situation. :P It's not fair to make Grace feel guilty especially when she does seem to mostly act in self defense and not necessarily like killing. I do love Death's creepy presence in her life, however, even if he makes me mad. Also, I really hope that shouldn't be taken literally in saying that Grace is turning into a vampire as that would cause some difficulties...

The Servator dynamic is just getting all the more interesting. I like how beyond being a team, they can heal and be there for one another. It reminds me a little of... hmm, therapy dogs? Don't tell Remus I said that. :P But it's very sweet, and I like how Grace is finally realizing how to define her relationship with Remus.

Most of all, she thought that maybe she shouldn't have begun the conversation with 'I love you'. Oh no, poor Remus. :( I do really like though how you summarized the breakup in this way instead of writing the full thing out. It was more powerful for it and really made me feel for Grace, since she does have a hard task in front of her. I also loved the whole paragraph talking about the hand book and how it causes her to be conflicted. Sad, but it had to happen.

Ah, I'm so curious about what went on with the vampire and escaping from Cruor Terra. I can't wait for the next chapter! :D

Amazing job as always, this was so brilliant! :) I can't wait to find out what is in store for Grace and the gang next!

Author's Response: First, happy 500th! Second, I'VE MISSED YOU AND YOUR STORIES! *Cries* I've been a busy Rumpel. Third, OMIGOSH YOU CHOSE ME AS YOUR 500th! You love me! :D Hahaha, okay, I'll stop shouting now.

Oh, it was my first animation! :D I was very proud of it.

Why is everybody trying to kill Severus? Rose broke up with me for like a day (you know, from our strange HPFF love affair) because Remus and Grace broke up. Aaand she wants to kill Sev. Poor guy gets the short end of the stick. Everybody's even for Peter at the moment! But not Severus -_-. I might have to change the MP and the opening chapter if I killed him off ;). Ahaha, okay, I'm done with my Severus rant.

I found out after the first trip to Cruor that I really love writing action! Action! Whoo! This scene was written to the song "Kung-Fu Fighting" :D. *Cough*

I'll let Death know that he's being a jerk. Haha, the communication with Death during a certain...erm...*state* (that's what I'll call it for now) will be important later on. Oh, no, it wasn't meant to be literal. Becoming a vamp in Cruor happens through a series of complex blood magic rituals in which the soul is entrapped in the body of a corrupt being. Er, kind of like the opposite of what a dementor does :D.

Hahaha, you so called Remus a therapy dog. I will tell neither Rose nor Remus about that... :D. I'm slowly revealing what it means to be Everto and Servator :D. *Cough* More of that later though!

Oh the break up (which you didn't yell at me about, yay)! My defining the line, it will push them away from where they were, and create a stronger, better friendship :D, which is where they are supposed to be but...er...hormones and kissing and stuff.

Haha, I did a sort of mid-chapter cliffhanger! There was a lot going on in this chapter.

Thanks so much!! I'm working on the chapter, but changed my mind and started it again. I'll get there!

-Rumpel


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Review #7, by Maelody The Trial

12th February 2014:
Ok, so I'll read and review your founder's story when I catch up with my huge reading list, but I HAD to read this one! It's been pulling at my mind every time I see your name. I'm so not disappointed! Confused. But not disappointed ;).

What an original concept! I don't quite get it yet, but by what I do understand, I've never seen anything like it! The dead and living, children that are out of our knowledge, and memories required to tell a story. This is truly unique and I can't wait to get caught up with it! It's amazing! You're amazing!

Sorry that's all I have for now, but that's because I need to rush through my reading list now to get back to yours! I can't wait to catch up!

~Mae

Author's Response: Hello! I'm finally getting around to answering my reviews!

Haha, I'm glad you like it. Be careful in Everto land...don't trip over anything. It's a bit scary in here sometimes!

Yeah, the intro...it's a lot! Er, let me try to help. Grace is an Everto Trucido (which translates from Latin {roughly} to Demon Slayer). So we have a demon slayer. She has a Servitor, who has yet to be disclosed. Her brother is James Potter. She has a kiddie with Severus. There's new babies and people coming back from the dead and it'll all me explained in the super long novel :D. That probably didn't help much.

:D Take your time, it's not going anywhere. Besides, I've got to get caught up with yours as well :D.

-Rumpel


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Review #8, by lindslo2012 The Big Bad Wolf

6th February 2014:
I AM SO EXCITED!
This was an incredible chapter! I love how you now brought James and the rest of his gang in, and Grace and James are related!
I am going to have to keep reading on ;)
It made me sit at the edge of my seat when she was under the sorting hat. Very cool, and unique story you have going on here!!!
-Linds

Author's Response: Whoo!

Thanks so much for the super sweet review! :D

-Rumpel


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Review #9, by kenpo Hostage

5th February 2014:
Hey! Here for the swap!

Yay Remus and Grace! I wub them. You better not do anything to them.

Are we gonna meet Regulus?!!?!??!?

evoked by her heedlessness, the enchiridion's functionality demonstrated particular folly while verifying its magnificent ability to become ensconced.
Okay, I'm WAY to tired to understand what that means.

Grace has a mouth on her!

Remus and his silly rules. No belly rubbing. No kidnapping. Reeelaaax, Remus.

Hah. Lily thought that they were in the closet together. Oh boy.

If you make Grace and Remus a couple I'll be really sad. Really sad. I might scream at you a little.

Lily had the book. Whoops. Grace. Sigh. Whoops.

Yay! Grace and James are conversing!

BUT NOT IN THIS CHAPTER WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?! I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP BUT NOW I NEED TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER, TOO!

I'm not amused.

Pretty not amused right now.

Why must you do these things to me?

Rah. Argh. Sorry. I'm clearly feeling a little bit moody. Balls.

Okay, but my feelings regarding where you ended the chapter aside... I liked it. I like that Grace is really starting to cause problems, and I'm intersted to see how Lily will handle her. I mean, she is an authority figure and probably won't be able to just overlook a student being bound and thrown into a closet. Also, does Lily know about Grace? I want to see that conversation.

I know have to make the decision of whether to read the next chapter or go to bed...

...

I'll see you in like fifteen minutes.

Author's Response: Whoo! Finally responding to reviews, here I go!

They are my new broTP -- heheh, see what I did there?

Er, you'll meet Reggie a little bit. He's not overly important until later on in the story...so I put him in a closet for safe-keeping ;). I'm full of jokes today!

"evoked by her heedlessness, the enchiridion's functionality demonstrated particular folly while verifying its magnificent ability to become ensconced" -- haha, I was getting fancy here. It just means that she was careless, and the handbook is easily concealed, which is good typically, but is bad because she lost it.

Haha, this was toned down right after it was originally written because some of my readers were a bit scandalized by her language. *Cough* It still works without all of the excessive swears :D.

I know, right?

*Cough* Spoilers, you might hate me for an entire chapter...or maybe two chapters. I did something in order to make a point, and to fix a friendship that was teetering into dangerous territory. I've fixed it. ;) BroTP!

Heheh, Lily had the book...

Grace and James will always have the conversation in the next chapter, so you can go to bed ;).

...somebody was moody while writing this :D!

-Rumpel


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Review #10, by shez Words, Words, Words

2nd February 2014:
Hi there! Here with your requested review from...err long, long ago hehe. AHEM.

So I think this story's come a long way and you've definitely gone and fixed some of the coherency issues that were in chapter 1. In fact, this is turning out to be one of the better fanfics I've read in my day, in that it's a. very well written b. has a unique plotline c. and compelling characters. I'm really enjoying reading about Grace and marauders and I like how you've incorporated her into their time line. Additionally, I like how you're telling about Grace's powers little by little. One thing that irked me a little (and it's a personal issue, so feel free to ignore) is that she calls Dumbledore by his first name. Also, i'm not exactly sure why she's so infatuated with Severus aside from them being "soulmates" (really like his characterization though, and their awkward conversation haha). Remus is my favorite at the moment.

I don't really have any useful critique but just a couple things to keep in mind:

you'll have to be pretty careful/skilled developing Grace/Snape (if it's happening). at the moment it doesn't seem like it's plausible.

James and Grace being siblings...a little more background on that/and sibling development. And how/why grace turned out the way she did and not James. Are her powers hereditary (sorry if you answered this. I just don't remember)? Do their parents ever make an appearance?

Of course no rush :). Tell your story the way you think it deserves to be told. You're doing a fantastic job so far :) Excellent writing!

Author's Response: Hello ;)!

Thank you! I've been attempting to keep this closely knit, to maintain some realism and cannon-relativity. She calls Dumbledore by his first name for a reason, which I believe is disclosed over the next several chapters. Her infatuation is based solely on the fact that he is supposed to be his soulmate, much in the same way Grace is infatuated with Remus because he is supposed to be her Servitor. Remus is pretty awesome ;).

Yeah, that is a treacherous, lengthy development that I have planned out... it is not exactly a romantic endeavor but, you know.

All of those questions are answered in future chapters :D. Well, most of them are answered in chapter 7 actually ;).

Anyway, thanks so much for getting back to me!

-Rumpel


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Review #11, by maraudertimes Merlin Was a Slytherin

2nd February 2014:
Hiya Rumpel! Told'ya I'd be here! :)

Ooh, I really liked this chapter! A whole bunch of awesome sibling moments! I think my favourite part was: ""I destroy evil things," Grace said flatly before taking another drag." I don't know, I just really like the nonchalantness of it all!

It was really sweet, just to see the two Potters talking and getting to know each other. And I liked how they were both a little envious of the other. That's real sibling rivalry right there and I loved it! I also really liked when James decided that in fact, he *didn't* want to have in depth knowledge of Grace's love life.

Ooh! A prank! I wonder what it was. And why in the world would they pull the first prank of the year without James? Shame on them! And certainly on Remus for being a prefect as well! ;)

Great job on this chapter Rumpel! Really well done!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello!! :D

Hooray, I'm glad that you liked it! It was an opportunity to have a Grace/James chapter and to work on James' characterization. I thought it was going to get boring, though, with all of the information and conversation ;).

For some reason, I think that James would make a terrific brother. He kind of adopted Sirius as his brother, anyway, so now he gets a sister! James may be a little slow in this sometimes, but I think he made a wise decision to stay out of Grace's love life.

Yes, shame on them! :D

Thanks so much!!

-Rumpel


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Review #12, by academica The Trial

1st February 2014:
Hey, here from Review Tag!

This is an intriguing start to the story. I like the idea of bringing back the dead and allowing their memories to piece together a story. I thought you did a nice job of interspersing the dialogue with the action, and I also liked the gentle way you described each character's entrance and Grace's behavior in front of Shacklebolt. You included a lot of good detail as well.

I'm curious about who is on trial here and how Grace's testimony will help free them. I also have to wonder about the negative cloud that seemed to surround the entrance of Atrum Unus. Guess I'll have to come back and read more later!

Great start :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks so much! This is one of the chapters that has been subject to a ton of editing and changing in order to make the information dump less confusing. I'm happy to see that it may have worked ;)!

-Rumpel


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Review #13, by Hogwarts27 Simulation Number Two

31st January 2014:
Hi. I'm going to say the same thing about this chapter's action scene as I said before - some description of the surroundings would really help. Otherwise this was another well written chapter. Romance-wise, a thoroughly depressing time for Grace and Remus, but I really like the depth of their relationship in this scene. I really like these two together when they're not acting immaturely stupid. For the life of me, I don't know how you're going to make Snape feel like a better love interest than Remus without writing him totally out of character. I'll be interested to see how you tackle that part of the story when it comes.

Author's Response: Oh hello!

I'm really terrible with adding descriptions -_- I don't know why I continuously refuse to do so. I love writing imagery, you'd think I'd do it more often.

Grace and Remus will eventually make some progress, but not necessarily as a romantic couple ;).

Eheh. A better love interest? Most certainly not. An interesting, frustrating, complicated, and carefully constructed part of the plot? Yes, I've got something up my sleeve! The challenge does come in the form of Snape's cannon characterization, but I've got this ;).

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #14, by marauderfan Simulation Number Two

30th January 2014:
Sorry for the massive delay in this review swap! Aw, and thanks for the mention at the beginning , I feel so loved.

So the chapter. What was that. First of all you are really great at writing action scenes! Seriously, I often review as I read but with this story I just get sucked in and totally forget to review until I reach the end of the chapter because Im so absorbed in it.

What happened to Snape!?!? ? He got attacked by a vampire and as far as I'm concerned this is STILL a cliff hanger, even though thats in the middle of the chapter, because Grace was unconscious last time Snape was there. Aah! I NEED TO READ MORE Where is chapter 14 please?? :p

ok, sorry, I'm so demanding. It was just a really intense scene with a prolonged cliff hanger haha. And it was awesome.

As for the second half of the chapter, I can't say I didn't see it coming. Both the fact that they broke up and the amount of awkwardness on Grace's part haha. I feel so badly for Remus, it must be so confusing for him. Gah!

Im sorry this is kind of a lame review, but it was a really great chapter!! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: That's okay! It came more quickly than I expected! ;) Shout outs!

Uhm. It was chapter thirteen (aka more of Rumpel's madness). I love my action, it entertains me.

Heheh, mid-chapter cliffhanger. I promise to tie that up in the next chapter (I had other matters to tie up in this chapter). Uhm, I'm still writing 14 ;P.

Eheh, super cliffhanger!

Remus will be okay ;), I promise.

Nah, it's not lame! Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #15, by toomanycurls Simulation Number Two

30th January 2014:
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!!!

AND I'M EXCITED ENOUGH TO SHOUT!!

oh yay - snape is alive. :P I'm still preoccupied with Remus' poor breaking heart. (again with the Aladdin thing - I feel like that scene where Genie is going "jafar, jafar, he's our man, if he can't make it - GREAT!")

:-o does Snape become a vampire? I like that he's all standoff-ish and distant even while being attacked in an unfamiliar place.

Oh I love your action scene - it's rivetting. I like how Grace is distracted between concern for Snape and a need to slay the vamp. I'm amazed by her abilities to fight so well (I think she'd give Buffy a run for her money).

Slightly creepy with her sudden switch to having Severus as an it rather than he. Did that sense of power possess her and make her inhuman??! I thought the vamp was dead, why is it trying to pike her? ah! Snape is using that spell on the vamp, right? not Grace???

oh hey, that's my sister's birthday

o.o is death talking to her? literally? please make this into a movie.

REMUS IS THERE TO LOVE HER BACK TO HEALTH! there should be snogging between them now. (Clearly I didn't listen to Sirius.) YES! Go with the Servitor/Everto Trucido tie!!

No! She only likes kissing Remus. That's all! No hating! Fate shmate.

...why would she tell Remus what Sirius told her. WHY!

Oh the hurt for Remus.

I'm just so torn with their argument. Grace does need to learn boundaries and (wait, why am I arguing Remus' side?!?!).

Thank you for the pink-haired Snape line. Oh that's brilliant.

I'm not sure i want Remus to keep trying to make it happen. I don't know what I want anymore. SHE DOES WANT TO BE WITH HIM!! ah! It's there, with the "just go" you broke his heart!!

... so writing more Dawlish/Tonks now...

-Rose

Author's Response: Well, you're going to shout, but probably not in the good way ;).

Eheheh, I'm sensing the cheer for Snape's life was less-than enthusiastic. Oh my... :D.

No, he doesn't become a vampire ;). Heheh, I couldn't imagine him any other way.

Grace versus Buffy -- my next fanfic :p. It will just be all action scene where Grace and Buffy fight through a novel-length story... yup. Dobby Awards there :D.

Well, it made her lose her mind a little bit (crazy!slayer). Erm, well, she killed the first vampire, was trying to rip the head off of the second vampire, to no avail (but didn't kill it), and the vampire that transported with them was a third vampire. I need to go back and make that a little clearer probably :D.

Yeah, he's using it against the vampire. ;) If he was trying to use it against Grace, I suspect that she wouldn't be entirely happy about that (angry!slayer).

Yay for birthdays!

Yes, Death is talking to her! Erm, okay *puts on director's cap* I'll get right on that. You don't happen to have Ben Barnes' number on you, do you? ;)

Yes, that's it, he'll love her back to health :D! Sirius does not endorse Grace/Remus snogging.

...oh gods, I can't stop laughing even after reading this review so many times. Your yelling reactions are awesome.

Pink-haired Snape :D.

His heart's okay, I promise. ^.^

Gah, with the Dawlish/Tonks *cries*.

-Rumpel


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Review #16, by maraudertimes Hostage

29th January 2014:
Hiya Rumpel!

Grace is really starting to grow on me. I love how she blames hormones. I'm sure that's what it is, sweetie ;)

I think the best part about this chapter was Grace's interactions with the Slytherins. Well, if she and Snape are going to be doing anything, she really has to stop accusing him without proof and she really can't be calling him names, although it's good to see that she's realized that. The Regulus part made this chapter, though. I absolutely loved it!

I especially loved how Lily assumed that Remus and Grace were... well, you know! ;) That was funny! I sense that Remus is decidedly not a ladies man and that Lily's assumption might have scarred him for life.

Ooh, and the marauders interacting with each other was very nice as well. I loved the little banter between Sirius and James. It's also really good to see James opening up a little bit more to Grace. Potters must stick together, am I right?

This was a really good chapter and other than perhaps a little bit more description here and there (maybe describe the scene that Lily happens upon) would really make it that much more awesome!

Great job Rumpel!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hey!! :D

I'm glad that she's starting to grow on you ;). Yeah, hormones...

She's having a difficult time with Snape (but he's a difficult character, in her defense). I had been DYING to write that scene!! :D I wasn't sure that anybody else would appreciate my humor ;).

Heheh, oh embarrassing moments.

Potters must stick together, absolutely!

Description (I'm really terrible with including it). I'll work on that!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #17, by LittleLionGirl The Trial

26th January 2014:
Well this really was an interesting prologue Rumple! I really want to see how all of these people are involved in the case. I enjoy how you mention the connections to each other as they are selected. It really did ease some confusion. As always job well done!
XOXOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks! This poor chapter has been the subject to a ton of revisions, in attempt to smooth over some confusion! :D

-Rumpel


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Review #18, by GingeredTea Merlin Was a Slytherin

26th January 2014:
I really enjoyed this chapter and the sit-down with James helped explain some stuff to us too. Your flow was really good in this chapter and I liked your descriptions, dialogue, and transitions from thought to speech.

I am wondering more about her other world, about the veil (will we learn more about the creator?), her part in both wars, etc. etc.

Sorry this review is lousy - a certain child gave me a cold the day before my classes start.children can be so cruel.

I am really getting into this story, though. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I used this to not only explain things, but to attempt to develop James' character for personal reasons. He had been my arch nemesis of a character until I battled it out with him in this chapter.

You'll learn much more about the veil and Herpo later in the story; they will play an important role in the end. There is a ton going on in this, as you already know, I just have to keep everything straight for everybody's sakes!

Nah, not a lousy review at all, but feel better!

I'm glad that you are starting to like this!

-Rumpel


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Review #19, by Lululuna A Sirius Chat

23rd January 2014:
TAG! Right back at you. :P

Grace has gotten herself into such a pickle with Remus, but I can't say I'm overly sympathetic to her plight. She and Remus seem to have this amazing connection, so I secretly think that she should just go with the flow and ignore her destiny and how mean Snape is for now. :) I want to say that they're only sixteen and there's lots of time, but this is the Potterverse and James and Lily are going to be having a baby in a few short years, so I suppose that they are on a limited time frame.

Sirius was quite sweet here! I like how protective he is of Remus, and how he intervenes with Grace to talk about his friend's feelings. He has a really good point, however, with how likely Grace is to hurt Remus' feelings by acting so secretive and ashamed.

I was wondering, why is Grace so baffled by wizard currency? I think she came from America, so do the American wizards have a certain type of coin or just use Muggle money, or was Grace just too busy hunting demons to go shopping? A little mention of why she was so baffled might make that part even funnier. :)

I like the detail about Peter freaking out about the unicorn horn materials. It seems really in character with him here that he would overstress and worry about little things. I also like how assertive Sirius is, and how peppy and excited James gets when Lily's name is mentioned. It's quite endearing, and you write all the Marauders so distinctly and well. :)

The inclusion of the canon scene was really great - it didn't even occur to me that it was a year later. It actually sort of worked because I don't think there was necessary proof that Snape had apologized immediately after the Mudblood incident - for all I know it could have taken a year for him to get the chance (i.e. Grace being there!). It was a great tie-in with the books, and Mary is just hilarious.

Poor Remus. :( I felt so sorry for him when Grace runs after Snape - it's like the cherry on top for an impossible relationship. He's certainly justified in feeling crushed, poor boy. As for Severus himself, he really doesn't deserve to have Grace's attention! I like how you've kept him in character with his loathsome and rude behaviour and obsession with Lily, and how you make it difficult for Grace to get on with him, even if she is quite patient.

Agh, they're in another Cruor simulation?! Well, I hope it's simulated, because otherwise that is even more terrifying. Something tells me the Cruors are not going to end the test just to suit Grace - they really are a bunch of lazy puppetmasters in my opinion. :P

All caught up! :D I'm really excited for the next chapter. There's so much to look forward to: the visit to the Potters, Grace and Remus, the war in Cruor Terra, the future... oh, and whether Grace and Severus will survive this test!!! Can't wait! :D

Author's Response: Hey!

Grace, if you hadn't already figured that out, really doesn't know what the halibut she's doing most of the time ;). I wouldn't expect anybody to sympathize with her over Remus, because realistically she could probably date him for a while without consequence (or too much, anyway).

Sirius is good people, even if he and Grace don't get along right away. He does have a good point :D.

Oh, mph, another one of the things that I know but nobody else does because I didn't actually write it in the story. Grace is used to Muggle money, not wizarding money (from any country)-- I'll have to throw a little bit of information in.

Aw, thanks! I'm glad you like the Marauders!

No, there was never any real proof that the scene occurred right after, but it was bugging my head-cannon. Since this is strong AU, I keep trying to keep the things that I can close to cannon, and what better way to do that than actual cannon? :D Heheh, poor Mary. Everything about her character currently is the opposite of my head-cannon, but she serves her purpose.

:( Poor Remus. I don't enjoy writing a sad Remus, I have a little alternative story on the side for personal use, where I can rewrite certain scenes that make me sad (an AU of my AU?). Severus isn't very nice, is he?...actually, he's hardly even civil -_-.

Whoo, to Cruor (more action)! Heheh, I love that you hate the Cruors.

Yay! The next chapter is in the queue, and there's a TON of things that still need to happen. Ah, one thing at a time :D.

Thanks !!!

-Rumpel


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Review #20, by GingeredTea Hostage

23rd January 2014:
This was a really funny chapter. I love where you're going with this. I'm starting to like Grace more and Snape is becoming interesting. What you had her do to Regulus - that was funny. Loving the antics you have between her and Remus and the added Lily was great.

And she seemed, at the end, to be fitting in better.

Character, flow, and descriptions were all really good. I think I'm enjoin your writing more and more as the story goes on. :D

Author's Response: Ah, this one was fun to write. A little bit of chaotic antics can really lighten a story up, especially if there's a ton of information and just...stuff happening.

Slowly but surely, Grace is fitting into her new life.

Thanks so much!! :D

-Rumpel


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Review #21, by toomanycurls A Sirius Chat

22nd January 2014:
haha, yeah, some review of mine got deleted so this is the new 500!!

Is that Sirius in the CI? It's kind of hilarious and makes me giddy.

This chapter made me want to cry and strangle people (you). :P It's just... I love how protective Sirius is of Remus but they can have a casual relationship, yes, right? or is that just me who can do that?

okay, moving back to chronological stuff...

I loved that Remus was so happy now that they were outed as a couple. He's so cute and adorable with his hugging and cuddling AND YOU RUINED IT FOR THEM! ah. *starts writing* "and then Tonks fell madly in love with Dawlish and wanted to have 100 babies with him"

^how you felt reading that is how I feel about them having this breaking up/swaying Grace from Remus thing going on!!

Sirius having a conversatin with Grace really does show his better side when it comes to his friends. He's kind of insensitive to her needs though (I mean, sure, they go to the coffee place together but really, that's a bit shallow of him). I really like that Grace throws up the Marlene issue.

Whoo! Snape is gettin' manipulated. :P I do love how you folded Grace into this scene from the books.

ahaha, Mary thinks she's dating Remus? Oh kids.

SHE SHOULD KISS HIM BECAUSE IT WOULD BE PERFECT!

*headdesk* of course Remus is jealous and Grace shouldn't go to see to snape. I don't care if they are soul mates. *grumbles* Is this chapter going to make me cry? Because, I feel it coming.

What? This is no time for being transported to Cruor Terra!! I imagine this will will make their relationship (more) awkward. ...I can't believe he's dead. Ah! I don't have any spare emotion for Snape when Remus' heart is about to be broken!

-Rose

Author's Response: Well, that just means that you get congratulated TWICE on the 500th! *Additional fanfare*!

:D Yeah, that's Sirius in the CI. I love that picture!

Ah, no strangling Rumpel! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Sirius just wants to protect Remus :(.

I'M SORRY THAT I RUINED THEM! Remus will be happy again! Uhm, baby-making with Anne constitutes happiness, right? So...no killing Rumpel, please. :( Not 100 babies!! The Weasleys didn't even do that to me (though I'd bet that they were trying). I'm sorry, sorry, sorry!

Ah, Sirius is coming around a little (a little). He's just still skeptical of Grace...I mean, she's a bit odd, so I can't say that I blame him ;).

Heheh, Grace is taking advantage of his love for Lily, which is wrong, but since when has Grace been privy to the difference between right and wrong? Tying it back to the books! Extra points for Rumpel!

:D My teenage drama! Well, a bit of drama anyway. It was giving me a headache so I removed Grace from the situation. Time to leave the room Grace, off to the downstairs and away from the screaming girls!

Of course Remus is jealous, but Grace is going to go see Snape anyway. Nope, this chapter wont make you cry... :D

This is the perfect time to go to Cruor! And then you so killed Snape off...-_- he just disappeared from his spot, doesn't mean his dead, you know? :p Bahaha, who cares if Snape's dead, Remus' heart is about to be broken! Gods that made me laugh. Remus will be OK! I promise! I won't permanently injure him, I promise!

-Rumpel


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Review #22, by toomanycurls Defining Right and Wrong; Butterflies

21st January 2014:
So!!! Happy 500! *confetti made from gold stars* *fireworks*

Just to be sure, you're getting a few just in case someone goes all Paul Bunyan their stories.

*this* is a fluffy interaction between Remus and Grace. I like that he's all complimentory about her social skills improving and that he said he might reconsider her belly rubbing offer. :D

Remus is a very good teaser - with his "this is just a thought - she might want to be friends with you" I just laughed and laughed until my husband asked who I made cry.

I do love that she's all tongue tied about Tonks. I want you to write in Remus/Tonks for this story explaining his thoughts when he remembers grace telling him about pink haired girls! DO IT!!

spunky bunny? *dies laughing*

*zombie rose here*

I don't like Mary either! But I like her brainzzz

Grace's jealousy is adorable as is Remus' realizaton that she's jealous.

I LOVE the distinction between being in love and being soul mates. It seems so profound.

...doesn't Grace understand that not every relationship needs to be with your soulmate?!?!! I should give her lessons on this.

um, wow, it just got very warm where I am.

THEY KISSED! IT WAS WONDERFUL! DO IT AGAIN!


Whoo! For going home for the holidays! boo to talking about grades...

I like that Remus is going for the Carpe Diem approach to snogging Grace. she should lighten up. *grumbles*

Grace plays the Ace (lily* card like a pro with Snape! You really captured him wonderfully here. wow, Regulus is kind of a jerkwad here.

oh hai - it is warm where they are but I like the warmth.

Is Grace's attitude here my punishment for Remus being like he is in Epitaph/HIMKL? I'm going to just lock them in a closet again and not let them out. And poor Remus thinks she's ashamed of being with him!! and Remus want's to be with her! :( :(

and he knows her Cruor language AND WHAT IS THE INTERVENTION FOR!??!

Amazing chapter! I need a drink now.

-Rose

Author's Response: Whoo! Happy 500th! *Fanfare and whathaveyou* And awe!!! For me? Yay!

Ahh...proper fluff. I'm slowly, kind of, figuring it out :). Remus is a perfect character to practice fluff with!

I'm sorry for making you cry from laughing :D, it's a common ailment that I, myself, suffer from -- laughing until I cry. Remus gets cheeky sometimes ;).

At risk of some spoilers, I have to focus pieces of later chapters on characters other than Grace in order to tie in some of the events of the Second Wizarding War. I've figured I would use Remus for some of those pieces, and reflecting on meeting Tonks and what Grace has said isn't a bad idea. :D

Spunky bunny :p. Oh, hello zombie Rose!

I hadn't planned on poor Mary's character to be so...abrasively teenage girl. She suits my needs, though :D. Oh well, Mary doesn't need to be liked; she just has to flirt with Remus and make Grace twitchy.

The difference between being in love and being soul mates makes for some challenging character relationship developments -- but, hey, Snape isn't very loving :D. It gives me a headache really, but that's okay! Challenge is my middle name. Rumpel Challenge GummyQueen-- it's what they call me *cough* ;p. Just don't ask who *they* are. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, love and soulmates. On the cosmic plane...well, it's complicated.

Grace doesn't understand as much of this as she thinks she does ;).

Warm is nice-- kisses!

Dumbledore playing the father role... -_- Grace will have to do better in school.

Poor Remus is forced to sneak around in closets. Well, at least they *are* kissing...for now ;).

Hooray for warm! It was weird writing a snogging scene, I kind of felt like I was invading their privacy...until I remembered that they don't have any privacy because I am their Rowling...muahahaha.

:D No, its a bumpy road in trying to establish a mature friendship between Remus and Grace that doesn't involve the snogging *hides*. Remus does want to be with her :(. Bumpy roads.

That will come into use later ;). Intervention! Heheh.

O.o Sorry! :D

-Rumpel


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Review #23, by toomanycurls Argumentative

19th January 2014:
Dear Rumpel,

Never let me get behind again.

Fluff?!?! For ME?!? Aww, thank you!

Peter and Grace seem like they could be decent friends. Neither of them really fits in that well and they're both a bit eager for friendship and affection. Their banter is adorable! They both bring up good points about each other.

:D I love that Remus and James would get up in Peter's face if he messed wtih her. I dunno, it makes me all squishy inside.

Ah, I like Anne. Anyone who drops the f-bomb in a letter is automatically in my good graces. Did Grace use one of the school owls? It's a bit funny that Anne was going to eat it. :P Oh I hope Anne gets to live closer to Grace - she needs a good friend who she's trying not to make a relationship with. Didn't Peter notice she was reading? Oh well, he's still learning to socialize.

Everytime Remus pops into the story, I think he should start making out with Grace.

:-o She should go home for Christmas!! It would be so sweet. Was Remus mad that she talked about his monthly cycle in public? I didn't catch what she did. WHY AM I IN THE DARK LIKE GRACE?

Sirius is insuferable here. x-(

Remus should help Grace study by snogging her. just an idea! Woah, Remus is getting touchy and I like it! and, uh, so does Grace. NO! WHY DID SHE HAVE THE GUILT AND THE STOPPING? That's it, I'm starting on the Tonks/Dawlish story now. :P UGH!! WHY DOES REMUS KNOW ABOUT HER TRUE LOVE! WHY IS HE BEING SO INJURED! WHY ISN'T THERE SNOGGING?!?!

I'm going to lock them in a room until they start snogging! ah! this is killing me!

I love it when Grace goes off on him!! Whoo!! Wait? Is this your idea of fluff!! That's like me telling you the end of HIKML is fluff!! :P I guess it's kind of fluffy when they make up (but not make out!)

haha, red haired klepto! I love it!

Oh Sirius, learn to love Grace! Embrace Grace! just not in *that* way :P

Incredible chapter!!

-Rose

Author's Response: Dear Rose,

Uhm, okay, I'll try ;). I'll send you threatening PMs from now on, yeah?

Fluff! Well, a little bit of fluff (I'm still trying to figure out how to write that stuff.)

I think that if Grace didn't know what Peter would do, then they might make decent friends. I like playing around with his character as an anchor to the plot line. If I need to move the plot forward, then simply insert some Peter and Grace and BAM! Plot's going again. (Rumpel's tired, so this entire response may not make any kind of sense.)

Aha...rereading the beginning of this, I realized that *this* is the chapter where I must have been aneurism-ing while I was writing, given the grammar. ;) It's funny, because I even edited it twice before I submitted it...and still, there's at least two lines where I have no idea what I was trying to say -_-. Anyway...

I'd like to think that the Marauders would be good people to be good friends with... can't say so much about being their enemy ;). I especially think that if James Potter had a sister, then nobody would be allowed to mess with her...because she's James Potter's sister.

Anne's good people. Grace needs Anne to be there, because Anne's been like Grace's sister. Aaand, if we go back to the prologue, Anne makes a baby with Remus :D (whoo baby-making)! Peter probably gets ignored more than he thinks he does.

Okay, every time Remus pops into the story, I'll make sure to write a snogging scene before anything else takes place ;).

Remus walked into the Great Hall and immediately began snogging Grace on the Gryffindor table, despite the looks of the fellow student-body and Albus' unappreciative coughs. Then he helped Grace pull the eggs out of her hair (which was unfortunately supposed to be Peter's breakfast).

...Better? :D

Grace should meet her parents! It is a definite must-do. Remus was mad because he's being moody...leading up to the fight by the lake.

Eheheheh. Sirius *is* being insufferable (but he's also adorable so that makes up for it?).

I don't think that will help her studies, just saying ;). Touches! And the guilt and the stopping :D. Heheh. Whoa, wait! Not the Dawlish/Tonks! *covers eyes* And I'll be forced to read it because you wrote it and then I'll cry ;_;. Holy crows, ...hath no fury like the wrath of Rose... I'M SORRY!

Locking them in a room with their connection and teenage hormones may just get them there :D. So...you're so going to love me for an entire chapter! A whole chapter! ...then, maybe not so much after that. I will be hiding.

Erm, a little fluff? I'm still working on my fluff-abilities!

:D I have no idea why Lily turned out the way she did... I'm just running with it.

Oh boy, yeah, embracing Grace may make a certain werewolf very grumpy. Sirius will just have to embrace Marlene instead.

Whoo!

-Rumpel


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Review #24, by Penelope Inkwell The Trial

19th January 2014:
As far as hooks go, this is one of the better first chapters Iíve ever read on this site.

Iím in a script analysis class right now, and Iíve just been reading about literary hooks--the details that catch the audienceís attention and make them keep reading, because they simply have to know. A lot of writers attempt to use the particularly potent ones in their opening line, which is good logic. But this is even better, because your entire first chapter is riddled with them. Iíve had to read all about how important they are in a play, but honestly, I think hooks are even more vital in fanfiction, because if you canít keep someoneís attention, well, theyíve got the whole internet at their fingertips. They donít even have to move. And here youíve packed them in so beautifully. Like, wow.

From the first paragraph, Iím caught. Thereís no way Iím clicking off this story until I know whatís going on. Thereís all the signs of an epic struggle--dried blood, etc., thereís innocent lives at stake, and the woman in question can speak a great number of languages, so Iím already completely fascinated, and I donít even know her name.

Then, apparently the dead are coming back to life.

Then I do get the name, and itís like, ďWhat? Who is that?! What on Earth is happening here? I need to know

And from then on itís just one after the other, characters weíve loved and lost, characters we donít know with connections to ones we do. There are so many mysteries just packed into this, whetting our appetites for the answers. There are romances to be considered, and apparently non-romances that still yielded children, and chats with Death, and Iím on the edge of my seat. Who belongs to whom? Who raised whom and why?

And then, at the very end, we have someone who sounds very much like a villain coming out of the woodwork, and I have to know whatís going on with all that, too!

Also, your writing is very good. It flowed. In so many stories I read, the writing kind of gets in its own way, stopping up the progression of the story, but you have a really nice, subtle style. Good visuals without over-describing the details (especially in a scene like this, with so much going on). There were a few moments I noticed the strength of the writing, particularly the first paragraph, and the appearance/descrition of Atrum. Mostly, though, it all ran so smoothly that I got through with it without at first thinking about the style too much. Then I realized how smooth it had to be for me to have gotten through all that information without ever getting caught up in grammar or awkward phrasing or a missed opportunity (gushing here aside, I really can be rather picky). All that to say, youíve done a beautiful job not just in grabbing the reader with facts, but in how youíve written it as well.

Overall, I just have to tell you that this first chapter is brilliantly done. You must have put such careful consideration into trimming it down just right. Or maybe you were struck with one of those perfect writing periods, where somehow everything just comes out right. I donít know, but either way, I hope youíre proud of what youíve got here. I have no idea whatís to come, but I can tell you that you write a hell of a first chapter.

Some CC:

I donít have much at all. There was this sentence: "It was not a lie, she had been to hell and back just to be there but it was important that she kept the court date that would clear the names of the innocent.Ē Iím fairly certain there needs to be a comma before the ďbut. Or it may need to be broken up after ďlie" with a semi-colon (I am not a semi-colon expert. Those things are confusing. But it seems like it might be right).

The only other thing is that itís a huge amount of information youíre delivering here, and I find I canít quite keep everyone straight. Just to the point that, a few times, I was like, ďWait, who is whose father? Who mothered whom? Just because thereís a lot of that info is being thrown around and it got a little overwhelming. That said, when I think on it further, I think it may just be the nature of the beast. The pile up and wanting to know how everything connects is also one of this chapterís greatest strengths. Itís just the flip-side of the coin. Iím thinking everything will be clearly explained in the next chapters, so really, itís probably not a problem at all. You just may want to make sure that youíre very firm in the future when you start unravelling all this information, because there seem to be enough connections that we could easily get lost, especially since fanfiction doesnít usually get read all in one sitting, and the audience has to remember the details over the course of the story being written and updated.

Overall, I am fascinated. Iím going to have to read more of this. I know Iíve said it, but it really is one of the most gripping opening chapters. Bravo, Rumpelstiltskin! Very, very well done.


P.S. I know you almost certainly know what hooks are. The only reason I explain it is to really drive home what a good job you did with them. And now Iím getting redundant. Iíll stop talking about it. But honestly, Iím not usually this gushy--almost always complimentary, but rarely so effusive. It was just really well done, so I felt that I had to be!

--Penny

Author's Response: Sorry about the delay in responding (forgive me?)!

Whoo! Rumpel will give herself gold stars...and thank you so much! I don't know how to respond to that, otherwise.

There's just so much happening in the opening chapter! This poor chapter has undergone so much reconstruction, just to attempt to make things clear and understandable (it's an organized information dump).

My main goal of posting this chapter (because it could have worked chronologically in its place) was to create a hook, so I'm super excited that you thought it was effective!! :D You get gold stars for making my day!

Ah, thanks for the CCs (they are my best friends)! Yes, there should be a comma there (oops). Commas are one of my downfalls (as well as descriptions). I just need to remember to put a comma in before a conjunction (I should write lines).

As for the confusion, I'm still fighting with that. This first chapter takes place 22 years after the next chapter, so a great deal of the information won't become clearer until the end of the story. That being said, I still have a lot of work to do ;).

Yes, that's a great suggestion. I'll definitely be sure to reiterate some of these main points, so that the confusion doesn't spread.

Gah...just thanks so much! I don't know how to more clearly express my gratitude other than thanks and gold stars! :D

-Rumpel


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Review #25, by 800 words of heaven Words, Words, Words

18th January 2014:
REVIEW SWAP!

Finally! Some explanations! I love explanations! Explanations are great! I especially like how you've managed to build an entirely new world inside HP's already quite huge one. Fanfic is great that way, and I'm intrigued to learn more.

Is Grace the way she is because she hasn't spent time around people her own age? I can't remember what things were like for her at Noctem, but it sounds as if she never learnt the rules concerning communication with people her own age. Or is that just part of who she is? Her powers make her so different, and so far she's been living with people who are different like her, that it makes sense that she doesn't quite know what to do around people who for lack of a better word are "ordinary".

Ooh! I wonder what her connection with Snape is? I don't really like him as a character in the series, so I'm really excited about the direction you'll take him in.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Whoo! Explanations! -_- This world is complicated, on top of HP's huge one...what did I get myself into? ;)

Mostly, Grace hasn't spent time with many people outside of Anne or Albus. She has virtually no social graces (gold stars for a pun) at this point in the story, for, yeah, just that.

A Snape-hater? You're trying to break my heart, yeah? :D Well, whether or not you like him in this may depend on one of the two directions I've been playing with near the end of the story... leaning towards the not-so-much.

Thanks for the swap!

-Rumpel


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