Reading Reviews for Allergic to Fun
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Mrs Ravenclaus Revelations and Arrangements

14th December 2013:
Back for some more Christmas cheer!

Lucinder is definitely my favourite of Lily’s friends. Usually, the friend of Lily’s which is paired with Sirius is a little boring and dull, but Lucinder is just the opposite. I love the devious nature about her with the way she went behind Lily’s back and plotted the revision sessions with James, it just made me laugh so much. Gah, I really hope this does kick them together because I’ve read my fair share of James and Lily stories but I’ve never seen them put together through this.

The rest of Lily’s friends were also really great. You continued their wonderful banter on brilliantly from last time and they really do click as a group so well. I think another which was great was how James had already given them Transfiguration lessons and they’d given him their stamp of approval. Lily, you really do need to stop fighting the current and just date him already!

I love how Lily’s trying to battle aware with her mental confusion of James and he takes that away from her right away and immediately arranges when they should have the revision sessions. They were so cute together though! With their blushing and the way Lily thought he wanted something else but he just wants her to do well. Gah, I had so many feels right then it was insane but gah, so cute, so, so cute!

I really want to know how her and Lucinder’s study sessions go right now! You really need to put another chapter up right away because the small bit of cuteness which I experienced earlier will not keep me happy for long!

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Hooray for more festive cheer :D I am actually quite glad I did not respond to these reviews before as reading them again now has just made me grin all over again (but I am sorry to have taken so long to respond!)

Lucinda is my favourite of Lily's friends too. She is really fun to write so it's good to hear that you liked her and that she made you laugh :) Mmm, will this kick James and Lily together? It's certainly the start of something ;) It's good to hear that this is a novel way of them getting together (er, if they get together that is -.- hehe)

I'm so glad you found the banter 'wonderful' :D thank you, I really enjoyed writing their interactions. Haha, I totally agree, Lily does need to stop fighting her feelings and just admit that James is perfect for her - I'm on Lucinda's side (and yours) on this one ;) I think the tutoring sessions will help Lily change her mind about him!

I am so happy you thought James and Lily were so cute together here and that their interaction gave you the feels :) More cuteness later on in the story!!

Hehe, I am working on the next chapter now (writing has taken a real backburner for the last month or so, but I'm back on it now - your reviews have motivated me a lot!) I hope the upcoming chapters will make you happy too!

Thank you so much for this wonderful review :)

Haronione ♥

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Review #2, by Mrs Ravenclaus Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

10th December 2013:
Look who it is, it’s Mrs Ravenclaus ready to bring on the festive fun! Woot Woot!

I’m not usually a fan of Lily as she’s usually portrayed as some school loving bore if I’m honest, but I really liked yours! She had this nice zest (now I’m comparing her to an orange :P) about it her with the way she was cursing McGonagall and cursing her friends about the Marauders. It just made a really nice change for her to have some negative thoughts about those things as they are often forgotten in stories about her.

I’m actually a massive fan of Marauders clichés such as the Marauders Christmas party and Sirius and his girlfriends, so when I saw them mentioned here I was really happy. I can’t wait to see the party and find out what trouble it will cause for them all. I’ll be watching Lucinda and Sirius carefully because I hope this isn’t just a cruel prank of his with asking her. He can be mean at times so I wouldn’t put it past him.

Several small things I loved included – the title being thrown into the chapter, Alison having no one ask her because yay for that dilemma (lol, jks, it’s just a nice realistic portrayal of everyone’s nightmare coming true), Lily being bullied by her friends and having a nice rebel streak which I can’t wait to see put into action and then James being the best at Transfiguration so she’ll have to go to him for help.

Woo, you also get a free Christmas present of a mini grammar tutorial *cue groaning* :P here ‘‘That’s hardly news, Lucinda.’ Lily stated, ‘ the ‘Lily stated’ is a dialogue tag meaning it’s joined to the dialogue, and that needs to be shown in the punctuation. To do this, you would replace the full stop with a comma and that’s it! It’s rather easy once you get the hang of it, but easy to slip up on. I saw it here ‘‘I told you she wouldn’t be interested, Luce.’ Alison scoffed’, here ‘‘He did look rather pleased with himself.’ Clara affirmed,’, here ‘‘Don’t be so pessimistic, Alison.’ Lily scolded,’ there were a couple of other places too, but they should be easy to spot. :)

Ah this was great and I can’t wait to read on!

Author's Response: Hello Mrs Ravenclaus (or Kiana if you'd prefer now) Thank you for bringing so much festive fun to me :) I really loved all the presents you gave me! Thank you!

I am really glad you liked my portrayal of Lily especially as you said you are not usually a fan of her :) Haha, I did laugh at the 'comparing her to an orange' remark - oranges are Christmasy so it fitted in with the festive-ness ;) It's good to hear you thought it was a nice change for her to be more negative and not such a school loving bore! I just felt that there is so much more to her and that she can't have been perfect at everything!

I'm also glad the cliches made you happy :) I'll be honest, when I first started planning this it didn't occur to me that it was cliche (dur!) and when someone else mentioned it being a bit cliche I was a bit worried, so it is really good to hear that some people actually like the cliches! I'm looking forward to writing the party (and the stuff leading up to it) I don't think it's going to go how people expect it to ;) Ah, Sirius and Lucinda? All I will say on that matter is that everything is not as it seems :p

Ah, I'm glad you liked that Alison had no-one ask her to the party - more on that later in the story ;) Hee, I am so looking forward to writing James and Lily's tutoring sessions, it's good to hear that you look forward to reading it!

No groaning from me! Thank you for the grammar tutorial! Dialogue tags are not my friend and I am never sure of the correct punctuation when writing dialogue, so your mini tutorial here was extremely helpful. 'Thank you for the help,' Haronione said happily. :D Just practising!

Thank you so much for the review, sorry I took so long to respond!

Haronione ♥

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Review #3, by Leonore Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

18th November 2013:
Poor Lily! Especially having to put up with having Alison in the same dormitory. And over-enthusiastic Lucinda. You've got a good character for Lily - she feels really that she has to live up to her own expectations. Many of her friends would be pleased to get an E at OWL at all, and she'd worried she only scraped it. And convinced that she's going to fail.

She's having a really bad day, probably something that's been building up for a while. She can't concentrate - giving up and slamming the book shut - and she's doubting whether she made the right decisions earlier. Not just doubting herself, but doubting McGonagall. Convinced she's been underestimated.

And then she wants to get away, or at least have a bit of sympathy, and she ends up stuck with her friends who don't care how she feels. I love the way Lucinda is over the top, exaggerating even in her mind. And very innocent, not suspecting anything even at such a surprising move. The opposite of Alison, who sees the worst in people and doesn't care (unlike Lily) for trying to be nice to her friends. So Lily's not only worrying about work but having to keep the peace. It fits her character perfectly that even feeling like she does she's trying not to show it.

Alison is the unpleasant girl who doesn't care for other people's feelings. Lily is trying to be nice to her, but as is natural she gives up and snaps half way through - not to defend herself but to protect Lucinda. Lily's a character I have trouble with because there's so little about her, but I love your interpretation of her.

The verbs you use for Lucinda are well chosen - "swooned" and "whined" - suggesting that irritating childishness. And she's so eager to help that she doesn't stop to consider whether she's really helping. I think a lot of us can relate to her.

But despite everything, Lily doesn't break down and get really upset. She's strong, but also under a lot of stress. The kind of character I feel I understand, and I love the way you have such a good picture.They feel like real people, with problems we all understand. A lovely change from most of the stuff I read, which tends to be rather darker.


Author's Response: Hi Leonore! I am really sorry about how long it has taken me to respond to your reviews!

I'm glad you thought Lily's character was good. She is often portrayed as a student who excels at all subjects and finds the work easy etc but I think she would have had at least one subject that she struggled with - no-one is good at everything! It's good to hear that you loved my interpretation of Lily :D

She is having a bad day here - exam pressure is getting to her. It does seem like she is stuck with friends who don't care how she feels, they do care really they just each have their own issues to deal with at the moment and they are used to Lily getting like this at exam time ;)

Alison isn't usually quite as grumpy and mean as she was here, something has upset her... I'm glad you thought the verbs used for Lucinda were well chosen :)

It is really good to hear that the characters felt like real people and that you found this chapter to be a lovely change from what you usually read :)

Haronione ♥

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Review #4, by toomanycurls Revelations and Arrangements

15th November 2013:
Of course Lily is upset he said yes. She just don't know what's good for her. :P

until the hipogriffs come home?! That's excellent!!

Alison asking if assuming that Lily would have maimed her was funny and really put a bit of reality on how adamantly she hates James. At least Clara can vouch for his abilities as a tutor.

I lose my bag under the chair/bench all the time!!

Ugh, I hope Lily can swallow a bit of her pride and be civil. *grumpy face* Though, I don't blame her for guessing there's an ulterior motive there.

Ahh, I feel like I'm watching their first real person to person interaction. It's kind of sweet. haha! Of course James called Lily on her unspoken assumption. I just want to hug someone after their little scene together. James' grin and Lily being flustered makes me so full of squee.

Poor Luce with her Sirius crush. ha! A lot of things would be more interesting with Sirius disrobed. *ahem*

It's so sweet that Luce is tutoring Peter. I love the idea of students helping one another out like that. I mean, in the books it didn't seem like that was going on despite people having clear strengths in certain fields. I quite like that it happened here!

Of course you ended it with Lily leaving for the tutoring session. Right when things are about to get interesting. I can't wait to read on!!

Author's Response: Hello again :) thanks for another great review!

Ha, she does not know what's good for we, does she? Silly Lily!! She'll learn though, and more than just Transfiguration ;)

I'm glad you liked that little tweak to 'till the cows came home' I thought it'd make it more wizardly :)

Lily has a little bit of a temper (usually brought on by Potter), but her friends like to exaggerate it and like to tease her, hence the comment about maiming Lucinda. I'm glad you found it amusing :)

I'm always doing that too, and at the most inappropriate times!

Lily will become more civil, in her defence she has been thrown into something she wasn't keen on and is stressed about her exams. She'll get her manners and friendliness back soon though ;)

:D I'm glad that little scene with James and Lily made you full of squee! There should be some more squee inducing moments throughout this (at least I hope they induce some squee!)

Haha! I totally agree that a lot of things would be more interesting with Sirius disrobed ;) Poor Luce, indeed, she really does have it bad!

I'm glad you liked the idea of students helping each other, it's the basis of a few relationships/friendships in this fic :)

Ha, sorry about leaving it there! The first tutoring session should be up soon :) I'm so happy you can't wait to read on!

Thanks again for the lovely review
Haronione ♥

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Review #5, by toomanycurls Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

8th November 2013:
Hi!! I'm checking out this story for the RRT. I didn't want to read the next chapter of The Marauder Years until 9 is up. I hate waiting so I always put off reading the last chapter of a WIP.

To sum it up, I love, love, LOVE this chapter. Your Lily has weaknesses (one of them being Transfiguration). I've seen her portrayed as a Hermione in a lot of stories which didn't seem quite realistic. You showed that she is hard working though - which I could really see. And, I hope this doesn't come off wrong, but she's almost as arrogant as James. Her arrogance is quite different but she has this whole superiority thing (judging who is and isn't good for her friends, being above an end of term party, etc.) I really like that she's not Ms. Perfect. :D

I like that you had different folks as her friends in this story. So, it would have been easy (read lazy) to carry over people you created for the Marauder Years to this story but you made new and quite distinct people. They were quite fresh from a narrative POV. I have such a hard time re-imaging people or situations I've written before. You really convey that these girls have been friends for quite a few years too.

I'm on the fence about Sirius asking Lucinda out. Does he really like her or is he planning something mean?!?! I hope he really likes her because I couldn't stand him being a poo-face.

I really like the idea of James helping Lily with transfiguration. It really opens the door for new possibilities (if you catch my drift). I imagine that James would have a different way of explaining things thatn McGonagall. I quite like the idea that James appeared less interested in Lily this year (at least he wasn't obnoxiouslly obsessed). I'm sure that will have put Lily off her gaurd around him a bit.

I'm so excited to read more of this!!

Author's Response: Rose!!! You don't know how happy I am to see you've come to check out this story :D And you've successfully motivated *guilt-ed* me into writing - I'll try to get the next chapter up very soon!

It has made me even happier that not only have you checked this story out but that you loved this opening chapter!!! I really value your opinions so that put a ridiculously large grin on my face :D

I am so glad you liked my Lily! In the books Lily was always portrayed as such a lovely person who everyone loved - which I'm sure she was, but this does not mean she was perfect and I find it very unrealistic that she excelled at everything and was a perfect person. No-one is perfect and it irks me a bit when she is portrayed this way in fan-fic! I do think she was a very talented witch, and that she did do well at school, but at the same time I think she would have had to really work at it (or at least for some subjects), no-one can be great at everything (well, maybe with the exception of Hermione ;)) Sorry, ranted a bit there. I'm really glad you like that she's not Ms. Perfect. She is a bit arrogant in this fic, but she would deny that profusely if you said it to her face - so please don't she has a rather fiery temper and I couldn't be held responsible for her actions in her stressed state ;)

I did consider using the same characters from Marauder Years but they did not fit into this story line, and as I'm eventually going to be covering their 6th year in that fic it felt wrong to use them here as their story will be quite different. Plus, I really enjoyed these new characters, especially Lucinda and the friendship her and Lily have :)

Ooh, I can't say much here about Sirius... I will assure you that he isn't a poo-face though! I could never write Sirius as a poo-face, I love him too much ;) (I just have to tell you I laughed SO hard at reading that >.< my inner child was delighted with your choice of words there :D heehee) But, yeah, all is not as it seems there...

I am so glad you like the idea of James helping Lily with Transfiguration - I am going to have a lot of fun with their tutoring sessions!! I hope you'll enjoy reading them. Mmmm, yes he does have a different way of explaining things and I think he could really help Lily ;) I have always imagined that, while James was still totally obsessed with Lily, he would have hidden it better for a while before he won her round... treat them mean, keep them keen ;) I'm glad you liked that idea.

I am super happy that you are excited to read more of this story!! I hope it doesn't disappoint!

So, I love, love, LOVE this review :D Sorry it took a while to respond but I wanted to keep it there, waiting in my unanswered review box so I could keep reading it again and again! Thank you so much for this review, you really do know how to make my day :D

Haronione ♥

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Review #6, by quixotic Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

4th November 2013:
Hi! Here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

First off, let me say who awesome your characterization on Lily Evans is. Truthfully, I've gotten sick of stories where she's the perfect little queen bee with the looks, brains and popularity. It's nice to see a more realistic version once in a while. I like the fact that she's struggling in Transfiguration and James Potter is the smarter one for a change.
Lily's friends are also quite interesting characters and quite different from each other. I'm quite curious to know their full stories, like why Alison is so snarky all the time. Is she jealous or is that just who she is?
Overall, it's an awesome start and I can't wait to see where this story goes :)

Author's Response: Hello again quixotic :) Thank you for another great review!

I am so glad you thought my characterisation of Lily was awesome :D I totally agree about the 'perfect Lily' thing, no-one's perfect! It's good to hear you thought my Lily was a more realistic version :)

I'm glad you thought Lily's friends were quite interesting characters :) They are very different from each-other, but are a close group of friends (er.. well, most of the time ;)) Hehe, Alison is particularly snarky here for a reason... which will be revealed later on - I'm saying no more here! I'm glad you are curious about this though :)

It's great to hear you think it's an awesome start, and I hope you enjoy the rest if you read on :)

Thanks again for the lovely review!

Haronione ♥

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Review #7, by milominderbinder Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

3rd November 2013:
Hiya! Here from the Ravenclaw review battle, on behalf of team blue ;)

Ahhh, it's been ages since I read Lily/James, I'd forgotten how much I love them! You got off to a great start portraying their typical relationship here, I loved it :)

Your characterisation of Lily is really good! The way you've written here seems to match up with what little we see of her in the books, as well as giving her more depth and making her really realistic and likeable. I feel so bad for her here! I can really feel her stress and frustration - I tend to get like that before exam season too, haha.

I like Lucinda. She seems like a fun character and even though she might not be Lily's good books right now, it shows through that she's a good friend :) I especially like her name! Something that really pulls me out of fic is when OCs have really unrealistic name, but Lucinda definitely sounds like a Marauder era Hogwarts student, which is awesome!

I really enjoyed reading this :) So far it has all the classic elements of a Lily/James story and you've got good characterisation, good dialogue, good storytelling :) Well done!


Author's Response: Hello again Maia! Thank you for the great review :)

Haha, I'm glad this story reminded you how much you love Lily/James :D you've got to love a bit of Jily ;)

I'm really glad you thought my characterisation of Lily was good and that you found her realistic and likable. I don't like it when she is portrayed to be perfect because no-ones perfect. Yeah poor Lily, she's very stressed and frustrated here. I'm exactly the same during exam season - I was a nightmare to live with when I was at uni haha!

I'm quite fond of Lucinda, so I'm really pleased you like her :) Ha, she's not in Lily's good books right now but they'll make it up, she really is a good friend to Lily ;) I'm also glad you like her name! Although your comments here have made me a bit dubious about one of my OC's name in my other Marauder fic! I agree about the realistic names though :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I started it for a challenge and I'm enjoying writing a bit of Marauder romance - I needed to get it out of my system a bit as in my other fic they are all 11, not really a story for romance ;)

Thank you again for the lovely review :)

Haronione ♥

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Review #8, by Rumpelstiltskin Revelations and Arrangements

18th October 2013:
So this was entertaining.

I found it humorous but still well grounded. I may have died laughing just a bit when Lucinda sets Lily up with Jams for Transfiguration revisions :). Also, I enjoyed Lucinda's cheeky remark near the end, "I don't know what you plan to do in a revision session..."

You characterization is lovely and I am enjoying the interactions between the characters that I've seen so far.

I do apologize for not having too much to say in this review. It is still so early in the story but I am enjoying myself very much! I can't wait to read more!


Author's Response: Hi Rumpel! It was a lovely surprise to log on to see this review :) Thank you!

I'm glad you found it humorous :) I didn't originally plan for this to be humorous (my attempts at humour are not very good!!) but it just seemed to write itself with a hint of humour. I'm so happy that you enjoyed Lucinda's cheeky remark :)

It's really good to hear that you found the characterisation lovely and that you enjoyed the interactions. I really enjoyed writing the banter between the four girls, especially Lily and Lucinda :)

Agh, please please do not apologise!! This unexpected review really made me really happy, so thank you!! Just hearing that you are enjoying it and look forward to reading more is fantastic and I really appreciate you leaving the review to let me know :-D

Haronione ♥

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Review #9, by Aphoride Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

18th October 2013:
Hey there, stopping by for the Review Battle! :)

I love Lily/James, so the fact that this all revolves around them and their relationship and that kind of stuff makes me very happy indeed, and that's good before it's even started :P

The way you write Lily is so lovely, as well. She's hardworking, intelligent, nice, gets stroppy and upset and irrationally angry like a normal person, and isn't perfect (which I've seen in quite a few things). She's human and even in this first chapter, you've shown us such a bunch of different traits that I already feel like I know her character. It's pretty awesome.

Her friends made me laugh! Bouncing into the room, all excited, one stroppy, one sort of quiet and unobtrusive. It's kinda the classic girl group, you know? Which has it's upsides and it's downsides, but you're managing it great here so far! I hope there's more of them later, particularly Clara, as I'd like to see them more developed later on - I think they could be brilliant characters!

One thing I do want to say is that at times it feels to me like there's a little too much tell and not enough show, if that makes sense. I think it might be to do with your sentence structure, but I'm not overly sure, tbh. It just feels a bit stilted at times, like you're telling me a story, rather than showing me in the descriptions and the actions, etc. I hope that makes sense, though I'm really not sure it does, but I have no idea how to phrase it more clearly... O.o

Anyway, I have to admit that I'm really not a huge fan of cliches, and there are obviously some here (there are always cliches in Lily/James! Particularly rom-com Lily/James!) but you're using them so well, that I didn't think about them at all while I was reading - I didn't wonder if it was or wasn't a cliche, it just flowed so well with the story and I just kept reading all the way through to the end.

Your style of writing is lovely, as well. It's really clear and neat and precise. Your characters are great, the plot sounds really funny and awesome, and I really hope I catch you again in the review battle!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aphoride :) thanks for the lovely review!

I am really pleased you liked the way I wrote Lily! I really don't like it when Lily is made out to be perfect - yes, in the books she was always portrayed as a lovely person but nobody is perfect and I don't believe she was! So I'm glad you found Lily's character in this to be good :-)

Hee, I'm glad her friends made you laugh! It's good to hear that you think I'm managing them well here :) There will be more of them later, though there will be more of Lucinda than Clara ;) It's made me happy to hear you think they could be brilliant characters!!

Thank you for the CC, it totally made sense! There is less description/action etc in this than I usually write (I'm not entirely sure why though) so I can see why it would feel a bit more telling than showing. I will go back and edit to try and improve that! Thank-you

Eeek, cliches! I couldn't help it! I'm glad you felt I used them well though and that it didn't put you off reading :)

I'm so glad you felt my style of writing is lovely, I often worry it is too simple, so it is encouraging to hear that it works! Thanks :)

Thanks again for the great review!

Haronione ♥

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Review #10, by GrangerDanger76 Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

14th October 2013:
Hello! I’m here for team blue at the CR!
What a lovely story! I’ve really enjoyed reading it! :) Lily was very relatable (There have been too many times ive been stressed for examples and too have just wanted to cry…) Lily is very lovable and I found myself longing for her to get out and have some fun. This is very very well written! Thank you so much for a good read! :)

Author's Response: Hi GrangerDanger! Thankyou for the lovely review :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it and that you found Lily to be relatable and lovable. Ha, I kind of based that bit of Lily on myself, I always want to cry when I'm stressed! Don't worry, Lily will get out and have some fun, more so than she expects ;) It's good to hear you felt it was well written, I find that really encouraging :) Thank you!

Haronione ♥

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Review #11, by 800 words of heaven Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

30th September 2013:

Ah! It's been simply ages since I read a Jily fic! And I was just thinking about finding myself one earlier today. I'm really happy that I found this!

The premise seems a little cliche at the moment, but I love me a good cliche, and I am looking forward to seeing where you go with this story. I'm hoping it covers more than just the following week in the lives of Lily and James!

I'm looking forward to seeing how you're going to develop Lily. If this does continue on into their seventh year, then I think it'll be very interesting to see how she changes as a character. Starting at the end of their sixth year, instead of the beginning of their seventh is a little different, and I'm excited to see what you'll make of it.

Your dialogue was wonderful to read! I learnt a lot about the characters and their relationships with each other. It really set the scene for them and the story, too, and what more could you ask of a first chapter?

Looking forward to seeing where this will lead! I hope you update soon!

Author's Response: Hi 800 words of heaven! Thank you for the great review :)

I'm really pleased that you are happy you found this story! Haha, yes it does seem a bit cliche at the moment, but I hope you think it becomes less cliche as it continues!

At the moment I have no plans to carry it on into seventh year, I already have plans for their 7th year for my Marauder novel that starts in their 1st year! This is planned to be a short-story for a challenge (and I needed to get a bit of Marauder romance out of my system - you can't really write romance for 11 year olds ;)) But who knows, my plans always seem to change while writing ;)

It is so good to hear that you found the dialogue wonderful to read :) especially as I felt this was quite a dialogue heavy chapter.

Thankyou again for the lovely review! I am hoping to update soon :)

Haronione ♥

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Review #12, by academica Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

28th September 2013:
Hello, here for our review swap!

Aww, poor Lily! She got dragged into a party she didn't even really want to attend and now she's going to wind up revising for exams with a guy who's bound to constantly distract her by flirting. I do kind of feel bad for her, because it doesn't seem like her friends have her best interests at heart by forcing her into all this. Doesn't she have any friends who are more bookish and disciplined like she is?

I think this is a good start to your story, and you can make it even better by taking care to really make the characters your own in future chapters. Right now I see a lot of themes that are really common among Marauder stories - Sirius as a dreamboat, the Marauders as party animals (no pun intended!), and Lily's temper beginning to boil over at the very mention of James. I think it would be cool to surprise the reader in the next chapter by including some more unusual features. For example, you could have Peter figure really prominently, or show that somehow Lucinda has mis-perceived Sirius's intentions.

Nice work so far, and good luck :)

Thanks for the swap!


Author's Response: Hi Amanda, thank you for the review (and for the swap, rudely forgot to say thanks in my review to you!)

Yeah, poor Lily! But in her own little way Lucinda does have Lily's interests at heart with this, she wants to help Lily de-stress before the exams... maybe she's just going about it the wrong way ;) And Lucinda is usually more bookish and disciplined like Lily but she is a bit out-of-sorts because of Sirius's invitation!

I'm glad that you thought this was a good start, despite the common themes ;) I had to smile when I saw your ideas for more unusual features for future chapters - It was like you had climbed into my head and read my plans for this story!! You haven't learnt the art of Legilimency have you ;) haha! Peter will be playing a prominent part in this fic, and I think his role will be a surprise! Also, Lucinda has not exactly mis-perceived Sirius's intentions... but all is not as it seems ;) Also, from your comments about the revision with James, I think you'll be surprised by how that plays out ;)

Thanks again for the great review!

Haronione ♥

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Review #13, by SunnyWitch Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

28th September 2013:
Hey there! I'm reviewing all entries for the Names and No Faces challenge.

Okay, honestly, I can't find much wrong with this! As PQ said in her review, there really isn't much to nit-pick. I did notice that a couple of times you didn't use a capital letter for 'Transfiguration' but that's not a big deal at all. In the fourth paragraph, it did strike me that the 'and' at the beginning of the last sentence was slightly unnecessary. It still made sense, but it would've made sense without it.

I like how you have the occasional word in italics - to me that just emphasises Lily's character, especially stressed out as she is. Lily always struck me as a Hermione-like personality, so the stressing and over-preparing for end-of-year exams fits right in with that.

Lily has such a strong voice in this. You can hear it all the way through.

There were a few mistakes with the dialogue. You sometimes has a full-stop instead of what should have been a comma. For example: 'Don't be so pessimistic, Alison.' Lily scolded, even though she thought Alison's statement could very well be true.
Instead this should be: 'Don't be so pessimistic, Alison,' Lily scolded, even though she thought Alison's statement could very well be true.

I also agree with PQ that the tutoring line could be a very interesting lead-in to their relationship. Can't wait to read more!

Cheers, SW.

Author's Response: Hi SunnyWitch, thank you for the review :)

I'm glad you found The characterisation of Lily to be fitting. I've always thought of her to be a bit Hermione-ish too. I'm not sure Lily is over-preparing for her exams here though, she really is struggling with Transfiguration ;) she can't be good at everything, right?

Thank you for pointing those bits out, I shall go over it and change those things. I'm never quite sure about dialogue punctuation so I really appreciate you pointing that out :) Also, I totally agree about that last line, the 'and' really is not necessary so I shall get rid of it!

I'm glad you think the tutoring plot line could be interesting. I think you may be surprised by how the tutoring sessions go, I hope so anyway ;) I'm pleased you're looking forward to reading more, am hoping to have the next chapter up soon!

Thanks again for the great review, it was very helpful :)

Haronione ♥

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Review #14, by Phoenix Quill Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

23rd September 2013:
Hi Haronione! Here with your review!

Wow, this is really good! I can definitely imagine Lily as being the one who crazily revises despite being super intelligent anyway, and the whole 'worried about Transfig, friend gets James to tutor her' setup is a good one to explain the sudden transformation from hatred to love between the two.

There isn't actually much for me to nitpick in here, which makes me quite happy! I didn't notice any errors, although I am prone to missing that sort of thing. Just one small thing, you said that Allison, Clare and Lucinda ran over to Lily, and Clare was never mentioned again. I don't know if she's just not talkative or if you've forgotten her. If you're going to put a name in there, please make her do something, even if it's just "Clare smiled tiredly at Lucinda's antics and left." Just something to give her a reason to be there.

Overall, a great beginning chapter and a good start for what I expect will be a fantastic short story!

Cheers, Phoenix Quill :D

Author's Response: Hi Phoenix Quill :) thank you so much for the lovely review!

I am glad you enjoyed it and thought it was a good opening chapter. Also, it's encouraging to hear that you like the tutoring plot line - I'm going to have a lot of fun with it :D so I hope you enjoy reading it!

I see what you mean about Clara. She does say one line about Sirius looking pleased, but I am going to edit to add her in a bit more. She is quite a shy, quiet character but I agree with what you said so will revise it.

Thank you for setting the challenge and for the story title that inspired me to write this :) I hope the rest of the story lives up to the expectations!!

Thanks again for the great review :D

Haronione ♥

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Review #15, by Illuminate Invitations and Unwanted Interventions

21st September 2013:
Hi! Ravenclaw Review Tag!

This is a really nice beginning chapter! I think you got the characterisations down well, and the banter between your characters is written very well- you can tell they've been friends for a long time, though they are clearly different people they know each other inside out.

I wonder how they will get on with getting James and Lily to get on with the revising- might be chaotic but at the same time romantic! I look forward to the Marauders being introduced.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi Illuminate :) thank you for the lovely review!

I'm glad you thought the characterisations were good. I felt this first chapter was quite dialogue heavy, so it's good to hear you thought the banter was written well!

I'm looking forward to introducing the Marauders too... and the chaos that will ensue with the revision sessions and the party! There will be some romance in later chapters, but possibly not what would be expected ;)

Thanks again for the review :)

Haronione ♥

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