Reading Reviews for Love has no Limits
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by :) Love has no Limits

4th December 2013:
really well written! some minor spelling errors, (of instead of off, to instead of too, little things like that) but otherwise wonderful!

Author's Response: why thank you! such an unexpected review! it means a lot :) I'm getting them edited as we speak :P thanks again!


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Review #2, by Penelope Inkwell Love has no Limits

27th November 2013:
Hi! Penny here for the review swap.

So, this is really your first fanfic? Wow. Good job.

I love the premise for this. I didnít even realize how curious I was about this moment--Lunaís kidnapping--until I saw your story summary.

First, my compliments on Ginnyís voice! Throughout the story, I kept noticing just how ďGinnyĒ so much of her dialogue sounded. And thatís one of the hardest parts of fanfic, in some ways--adding your own twist while preserving what already exists. I thought you did a nice job with her character, in particular. It really stood out.

It was also nice getting to see a bit of Nevilleís journey: how heís changed, how heís become a hero in his own right.

Oh, and this paragraph:

"Neville dropped Lunaís hand quickly, then realising this might have been the wrong thing to do, went to grab it again, before changing his mind and letting his own hand hang in the air for a few seconds awkwardly swinging, before letting it drop to his side.Ē

That was adorable. It was so...Neville. Just spot on.

Overall, you seem to have a knack for storytelling. Which may sound like an empty compliment to a writer, but itís not. Like, some of us are better at plot, some at creating atmosphere or witty dialogue--we all have our gifts. And you do a nice job with telling an even-keeled story. Itís got action, some lovely bits of description, romance. Overall, these pieces appear very well planned out (or perhaps were just instinctively included) so that you have all the essential elements of a good, rather nicely-balanced, story. For someone in their first fanfic--or for a veteran writer--thatís no small feat. Nice work.


Now, for CC:

Well, the biggest thing is really the grammar. Mostly missed commas, a few misspellings, and some capitalization. We all make those mistakes--heaven knows that after youíve spent so long working on a piece, you really canít even see them. So, Iíd suggest getting a Beta who is skilled at grammar to run through it. The best thing might be to ask them to edit through Word or something, with the Track Changes option, so you can see everything thatís been changed and why. That way you get to approve any adjusments, and figure out grammatical patterns to look out for. I, for one, am a comma fiend--wayyy too many in every first draft :)

If you ever want a Beta to take a look at something, PM me.

The last thing is a plot comment, that you can consider or disregard as you like. I canít help but think that thereís no way Neville could escape unscathed from actually *killing* a Death Eater, especially if another Death Eater saw him do it. Perhaps if Ginny stepped in and Confunded the other, then convincing him that it was his own misfired spell that killed Dolohov. Also, for pacing, youíve just described the whole fight, so instead of having Ginny give Seamus a play-by-play, perhaps just saying something like, ďEveryone remained silent, eyes wide as Ginny recounted the tale...Ē etc. would suffice. Then you could end that part with her further comments about Neville being a hero.


On the whole, I enjoyed this piece. It took me to an event Iíd never really considered, and turned it into a really interesting one-shot. Thanks for the story!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny, thanks so much for your review.

Yep my first attempt at fanfiction, the only way from here is up right? ;)

It's nice that Ginny's character stood out to you!

YAY, I'm so happy you picked that line out, that's my favourite line! :D

Thanks for saying I have a knack for story telling, I don't know what to say to be honest :P

your CC is so much help and I really do need to sort this out once and for all.

To be honest I wasn't really thinking about what was going to happen to Neville afterwards, I just thought it was a one shot so I didn't really need to, but I know now that is a bit of a narrow minded view point. :P Your idea is good though, and I totally get where you are coming from with the repeating myself thing, I felt that.

Thanks for a lovely review!


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Review #3, by writeyourheartout Love has no Limits

22nd November 2013:
Hiya! I'm finally here with your review! :-D

So I love the moment you've chosen! I really love reading about missing moments from the HP books, and I've never read about this one before, but I'm glad you requested it! To be honest, I think the majority of it is quite plausible! Now, in your message to me you mentioned how this was your worst one-shot and that the characters were really OOC, etc., but considering it's also the first fanfic your ever wrote, you should be really proud of yourself! Also, I don't think the majority of the characterizations were OOC at all! Yeah, there are a few moments which I'll touch a bit on later, but I'm gonna put my concentration on the things you did really well and on some grammatical things specifically! So let's do this!

I like the way the story is introduced, with us getting to see how much life for those three has changed now that they've sort of become the leaders of the Hogwarts rebellion. I think it's probably exactly how they were feeling and I liked the line Ginny says comparing themselves to what Harry was always dealing with.

I also really like the moment where Neville is pretending to read the Quibbler upon Luna's influence. It's just like her to expect others to share her interest in the farfetched and just like Neville to comply, even if he's not particularly into it. The plant article was a nice touch, too; it shows how Luna and Neville have truly become closer over the years, understanding each others interests. Some more good characterization moments that stood out: The line about the Carrows in their brief moments of reference and how they've been treating students (the poorly healing cut on Neville's face speaks volumes); Neville's struggle with his new-found leadership role and the guilt he feels when things go wrong; Ginny's fierceness on Neville's behalf; Luna's good luck bracelet speech, etc. Really, there are a lot of great characterization moments!

That said, now I'm only going to point out a few that stuck out to me as OOC: I don't know if I'm sold on Neville killing a Death Eater in this situation. I think he's sort of like Harry, who even in his own life-or-death situations will still fight with Expelliarmus over Avada Kedavra. Neville has an even gentler nature (even if by this book he's grown to be much more strong and gruff), and I think taking someone's life - especially given the location - isn't quite fitting. With that said, even though I do think it's a stretch, I thought you wrote the resulting reactions to it very well. It really is almost believable, but I'm simply not entirely sold. Also, Ginny and Luna both have meltdowns that, while most girls would absolutely react this way, I don't know that either of them would. But all of that is just my opinion!

Now some grammar:

"As a punishment for Neville, they performed the cruciates curse on him during dinner, he didn't make a sound though even though it was clear how much pain he was in." - You misspelled Cruciatus Curse (a few times throughout the story) and it should always be capitalzed! Also, you used double though's surrounding the word 'even'. Plus, this should really be two separate sentences, not one.

""Now I know what it's like to be Harry." said Ginny." - Something I notice you do a lot is put a period at the end of a quote where it should really be a comma. If you put a period at the end of the quote, the next sentence needs to stand on it's own and start with a capital letter.

"He had his head resting against the window, flicking half heartedly flicking through the Quibbler, and glancing out of the frosty window as the train *speed (sped) by snowy fields and dark, intimidating mountains." - You wrote the word 'flicking' twice, surrounding 'half heartedly' (which should be spelled halfheartedly).

"...you couldn't of done it yourself," - 'couldn't have', not 'couldn't of'. Again here: "I should *of (have) made Barry a good luck bracelet, I had all the ingredients, including the Pixie wings!" - Is ingredients really the right word here? That generally applies to food and potion making; creating an object like a bracelet would make more sense to say 'materials'.

"Well Neville, I just thought that because *your holding Luna's hand that maybe you know.." - *you're, not your. Is that meant to be a period or an ellipses?

You confuse the words 'of' and 'off' a few times throughout the story, as well as 'to' and 'too'.

""I'm not sure," said Ginny said," - Said Ginny said?

"You WILL NOT touch her" Neville screamed, stepping forward and leaving very little room between himself and the Death Eaters. "OR someone WILL get hurt."" - Instead of capslock, I would use italics to emphasize certain words; it tends to look more aesthetically pleasing without compromising the seriousness behind the words.

"She wouldn't be able to cope if Neville died on them now. *Now (not) when they needed a leader." - Also, this should be one sentence, not two; combine with a semi-colon.

How do Seamus and Ginny know about Neville's parents when earlier you mention how it was special for Luna to be told?

"*Relieving (reliving) the moment, where the flash of green had killed Dolohov." - This sentence is incomplete on its own and should be attached to the previous sentence using a semi-colon.

So as you can see, the majority of issues with this story is actually just the technical stuff rather than the characterizations, which is easy enough to fix! I would simply suggest a beta who specializes in grammar, spelling and punctuation, because other than that this story is really great! The plot, the characters and their characterization, the Neville/Luna pairing, the drama - it's all working, but it's being undercut by the technical details!

Lastly, I love the ending where he finds the earring! So sad and sweet and a perfect way to wrap the one-shot up! Overall it was enjoyable and I hope this review has been helpful! *hugs*

Author's Response: Hi, sorry I took so long to respond to this review but I wanted to respond properly and I finally have the time!

I'm happy you liked the moment, I think if J.K was going to write any missing moment from the series I would want it to be this one!

The Neville/Luna moments were my favourite to write so it's good you've picked up on them! :P

Honestly when I wrote this I didn't have a clue how fanfiction worked so I thought it wouldn't matter to much about Neville killing a DE but I realise that it is unlikely. So I can't really defend it but at the same time it was awesome to write and it's this idea that got me writing fanfiction so I like it at the same time. I really do understand how it seems unlikely.

Also Ginny and Luna having meltdowns probably isn't the way they would react, but I hope people can enjoy it for what it is if they read it! :)

Thanks for all your CC, I really am going to go through and edit this because I feel like it is incomplete at the moment.

Thanks so much for reviewing this so detailed and I feel so bad that my response is going to look tiny in comparison to your review, but I really appreciate it!

*hugs!*

Cannons!


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Review #4, by Rumpelstiltskin Love has no Limits

21st November 2013:
I am here from review tag!

After this, I will have officially read and reviewed everything you have posted :).

I do really enjoy Neville, so it is nice to read a story revolving around him. Speaking of, you have done a wonderful job on his characterization. The same can be said for Ginny and Luna.

Might I just mention that i particularly loved Luna in this? If anybody can make me chuckle at inappropriate intervals, it is Luna. Of course, then there was a more serious side of her characterization, which I loved too.

This really gives Neville the recognition that he deserves, highlighting his bravery and leadership qualities.

(I never really liked Dolohov either.)

You were able to capture a lighter tone of friendship in the beginning and then moved through an exciting, action-y, frightening plot until the ending. The ending...just wow. That was so sad :(!

It was really beautiful though. A perfect tragedy.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: RUMPEL HOW GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN :D

wohoo! I'm so happy that you have taken the time to read through all of my stories which I can imagine are quite tedious and dreary sometimes ;)

Anyways it is nice for someone to say that they enjoyed Neville in this even though he does what he does.

AND OF COURSE you can mention that, Luna is my favourite character so that comment means a lot to me :)

Thanks for all your compliments, I feel like I should say more but I cant find the right words ;)



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Review #5, by bellatrixlestrange123 Love has no Limits

20th October 2013:
Hi there!

OK, so I really enjoyed reading this, Neville's pain and thoughts and determination were very well written. Again, your detail when it came to describing the battle Neville was having with himself was very intricate and well explained.

Now, aside from the teeny weeny grammatical errors (which I make all the time) there really isn't anything 'wrong' or 'flawed' about this story. The whole point of writing fanfiction is that it gives you the poetic license to make the characters do whatever you want! As long as you make it convincing. What I mean to say is, when you wrote about Neville killing the death eater, I think that it was bravely written and was very symbolic of the pain that he had actually endured from the Carrows and it was expected of him to lash out in the end. I think that the whole prospect of Neville killing the deatheater would have been a more convincing if you showed his rage from a bit earlier on in the chapter. I think that his thoughts and feelings for Luna were a little bit too vague for him to do something as drastic as killing someone. Maybe if you explained the true extent of his rage from the beginning of the chapter.

Otherwise, I have only praises for your writing!
keep up the good work!

Bella :)

Author's Response: hey, I can't thank you enough for leaving another great review, I really appreciate it a lot!

Thanks for giving me your take on this and how you think I can make it more believable, you have left a very insightful and helpful review.

thanks so much! :D


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Review #6, by maraudertimes Love has no Limits

19th October 2013:
Hello!
Request granted!

Okay, so there are a few things with this chapter.

First, I really liked how you showed Neville's protective side. How he was willing to fight for those he loved.

Second, I loved Luna's determination. She wasn't about to let her friends get hurt if she could do anything about it. Very Luna-esque.

Okay, now for some CCs.

There are quite a lot of typos, in grammar, verb tenses, and overall spelling. Think about getting a Beta, because they are wonderful and help so much!

Characterization wise, you did okay. I really liked everyone and how you portrayed them, up until Neville used the killing curse. These are teenagers, and even if Neville knew the spell and someone he loved was being hurt, I think he would never use that. It's one of the three Unforgivable Curses and he's already been affected so much by one of them, and has a friend who was directly impacted by the curse. I can understand Harry using Imperius, of Molly Weasley trying to kill Bellatrix - a truly wicked witch who was trying to *kill* (notice the emphasis on kill and not kidnap) Molly's daughter - who we all know as Ginny.

And then Ginny was in awe over the whole thing. I think that she would have been frightened, in all honesty. Unforgivables need to be felt. If you don't really want to do it, then you can't actually curse someone using those. Neville just demonstrated that he was capable of truly thinking of killing someone, and following through. I would think Ginny would be afraid, or at the very least disgusted by Neville's use of a curse so horrendous that only Voldemort's followers use.

Also, it's a little confusing (the battle part), because I couldn't follow which 'he' was who. Was it Neville, a death eater, a random passer-by? I don't know. Maybe clear that up?

Other than that, it was a good chapter. I did love everything except for the whole killing curse fiasco. Neville and Luna comforting each other over the loss of their parents was really sad in a hauntingly beautiful way and really tugged at my heart strings.

Hope this was helpful!

Lo:)

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for the review! :)

I know that having Neville kill a Death Eater was out of character for him and not cannon, but one of the main reasons I wanted to write this was to show Neville fighting back and I thought killing was the perfect way to show that.

Because it was my first attempt I want to leave it as it is so I can look back and see if I have improved. :)I didn't realise how important having a character exactly right mattered but now I understand!

I get how you think she would have been frightened, but I don't think she would have been disgusted by the use of the curse because she knows the deal, she has seen what it is like to loose people and the Death Eaters were terrible people. I think she would have been shocked but understanding, because they were trying to kill her brother, Harry (the boy she loved), Hermione one of her best friends, and her whole family. Plus they killed Mad Eye etc. So I know it wasn't cannon but I feel Ginny had it in her to understand and not hate Neville!

The battle part I guess could be clearer but there are three males, one gets killed straight away, Neville get's knocked out and that only leaves on male in the compartment.

Like at this point - 'She certainly looked shocked thought Neville. But he didn't care, he had had enough of Death Eaters pushing him around, he had lost his parents to them he wasn't about about to loose Luna to them.
He whipped around towards the other Death Eater, who up to this point had not moved or said anything, ready to finish this.' one DE is dead, so by saying

'He whipped around towards the other Death Eater' I think its clear that its Neville since he isn't a DE, and then when I use 'he' again Neville is out of action knocked out, so I think it's clear.

However you are the reader and if you found it confusing I need to fix it, so I'll try and go back and make it clearer. :)

ALSO can you please, please PM me about the 'verb tenses, and overall spelling' just point the spellings out to me(because I've read it so many times+your brain can actually read a word even if the spelling is totally wrong) but particularly the bit about the verb tenses because I need to make sure that I don't do it the future. So PM my mistakes so I can LEARN.:D

I realise I may have come across a bit 'argumentative' but trust me I don't me to. I absolutely love reviews where people pull me up and point out things I've done wrong because I can hopefully improve as a writer if I know what I'm doing wrong! I totally understand your problem with Neville because it's obvious now but at the time it wasn't to me.

Thanks so much for your review, I loved it.


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Review #7, by patronus_charm Love has no Limits

4th October 2013:
Hello there, Iím here with your review! Just a small pet peeve, next time could you link to the story rather than the chapter as I like to see the word count before reading itís just a little OCD of mine!

Iím glad that you chose this part of Neville, Luna and Ginnyís life to follow as I think itís a really interesting one with all the changes going on in Hogwarts and a perfect time and way for romance to blossom between Neville and Luna. The gentle touches of the hands were really sweet as it seemed as if they were both supporting one another through the harsh times. However, I would perhaps lengthen the transition between the three of them talking about darker matters to Ginny quizzing them as that was very light hearted in comparison and I felt it could have been more detailed.

Considering that this is your first ever story itís an impressively high standard compared to my own first one. However, though you generally toed a good line between showing verus telling here, ĎThe term had been hard on Neville, who had tried to protect the students from the horrific things happening at Hogwarts, even trying to get Dumbledoreís Army started again. Ď I would perhaps review that. Maybe include a memory of what he did, it need only be a brief one perhaps a line or two just to make us know the story behind the cuts and bruises rather than us just accepting them.

I feel so silly not realising this was the journey were Luna was kidnapped but either way I really liked that. It had a nice mix of action and description and it seemed so tragic for Neville to be ripped away from Luna so soon. Just a few improvements in that section before I forget, you need to capitalise Death Eaters and he mentioned something about a person called Barty which threw me as I donít remember anyone being called that so perhaps change it to a fifth year of something and it would make more sense.

The burst of anger in Neville was really good I thought as he often did have those in the books. It liked that moment a lot (which is saying something as Iím a vegetarian pacifist :P) as it really moved me to see he loved her enough to kill for her. I thought Ginnyís reaction of that afterwards was perfect with calling him a hero and showed a great transition between him before and how we saw him when he met the others at the Hogís Head.

I would perhaps advice on you getting a quick beta for your next one-shot or perhaps even get them to look over this so all the grammatical errors are weaned out. There were several ones in relation to dialogue punctuation and differentiation between using speech marks and apostrophes. They really do help a lot as I learnt basically all my grammar from mine and would probably make more sense than me attempting to explain briefly in my review :)

I thought this was a really great first fan fiction and shows a great promise for you future work!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey, I will defiantly do that next time sorry!

Thanks for your review and your tips. I would of responded sooner to this, but it wouldn't let me!

I've edited some bits, and I'm sure as I continue writing I will get better with the grammar and things, and then I can come back and read this one shot and be totally embarrassed! ;)

cheers :)


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Review #8, by nott theodore Love has no Limits

3rd October 2013:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review! Congratulations on posting your first story!

I found this story really interesting, because it's about a moment in time which we don't see in canon and I haven't read about in fanfiction either. I absolutely love stories that take moments like these that are only briefly mentioned as having happened and make an entire story about them, so well done with that!

I really liked the way that you wrote the friendship between Ginny, Neville and Luna. I think that they must have grown closer that year as they were fighting hard against the Carrows and trying to keep the DA alive. It was nice to see them having some fun at the beginning of this story and getting the chance to act like normal teenagers, teasing each other about things like Neville and Luna's relationship.

Although I don't normally like non-canon pairings, Neville/Luna is the only one I can happily read, and I liked the way you conveyed their relationship here. I can imagine Luna leaving it up to Neville to decide, and him getting flustered about it when he's asked by Ginny. The fact that Neville reacts the way he does later on shows that he does love her, even if he doesn't say it.

One aspect I enjoyed in this was the inclusion of Barry and the guilt that Neville felt over him getting into trouble. Since Neville becomes the leader of the DA, I can definitely picture him feeling responsible - the way Harry did - for all the members, and being hard on himself when he hasn't been able to protect them. I thought that part was a great illustration of Neville's personality.

At times, however, I do think that the characters acted out of character, and that detracts a little from the story. I understand the fact that you were showing Neville - after losing so much and having people he loves suffer at the hands of the Death Eaters - snap, and take revenge almost as he tries to protect Luna. However I can't really imagine Neville using an Unforgivable Curse - or him being allowed back to Hogwarts or even left alive after he'd done so.

As a canon lover (call me the canon police if you like :P) I'd also point out a few other details. To me, the opening of the story seems a little exaggerated; I can understand Neville, Luna and Ginny being admired and respected, but I doubt it would be by everybody. There were plenty of people in the school who supported the Death Eaters and also those who would have avoided mixing with known troublemakers to stay out of trouble. Also, although you have Neville killing Dolohov in this story, Dolohov was actually alive at the Battle of Hogwarts and killed Remus Lupin. I might consider marking this story AU to avoid that sort of confusion from reviewers. Sorry if this comes across too harshly, but it's just my opinion - of course you don't have to use my suggestions!

As for the Death Eaters, I thought you wrote them rather well. The dialogue really helped to get across their condescending nature, and the fact that they're brutal when they have to be, not afraid to use force. Though I think the second Death Eater would probably have killed Neville in reaction to Dolohov being killed, you did a good job with them overall.

The battle scene was also quite well written and effective, as I could picture the scene as you described it, with lots of things going on at once and a lot of tension. If that's your first attempt at writing action like that I think you've done a great job! I also liked the fact that Neville stopped trying to put up a fight when Luna intervened, showing how much she means to him, and vice versa, since she intervenes for his safety.

Another suggestion I would make is that you get a beta for this story to correct some of the grammar mistakes I noticed ('your' instead of 'you're' and 'would of' instead of 'would have' etc). They detract from the flow a little but are easily fixed.

The ending was also really effective. I liked the way that Ginny was still trying to protect Neville by not telling people what he'd done - a mark of their friendship. The dirigible plum earring was a really touching element and a great way to end the story and bring us to a satisfying finish.

Well done on your first story and I hope that you found my comments helpful and that I wasn't too harsh!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for you're amazing review! I would have replied to this before but it wouldn't let me!

I love those types of stories as well, missing moments are my favourite thing to read, and write.

I think Ginny, Neville and Luna's friendship was probably really important in the first bit of that year, the fact that they were fighting/resisting must have given other students hope. Plus it's just a really interesting friendship :D

Cannon Police! don't arrest me, ;) In my defence, I'm still getting used to how everything works so yeah if I change it to AU then maybe it'll make more sense.

Thanks for your honesty and taking the time to review this. :)


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Review #9, by randomwriter Love has no Limits

2nd October 2013:
Hey there! :)
Here from Review tag! :D

Okay, first of all. I think that this is a great idea for a story!

I found this story quite interesting. I liked your portrayal of Neville. He was strong and brave and it was very apt given how he fought in the books. I was very proud of him for killing a death eater.

I think that Ginny's character could have been given a little more backbone, because in the books, we see that she's fierce and doesn't shy away from anything. She's also a strong witch, who can hold her own in a duel. You could have written her as being a bit stronger and getting some spells right, but missing one or two crucial ones. But hey, its your story :P

I'm a canon freak :P But I've always felt that there might have been something between these two. Who's to say that they didn't have their own moments before Luna/Rolf and Neville/Hannah happened, right? I think the romance part of this fic was very well done. I found them quite sweet, and I really liked how Neville stood up for Luna.

There were a few typos you had throughout the fic. Like you'd written 'to' for where there should have been 'too' and some other things like that. Just give it a quick edit sometime and you should be good :)

I think your story could have benefited from more descriptions, regarding the emotions of these three. While all the facts and happenings were described very well, I felt that there was a lot more scope to deal with the emotions too.

Another thing is that when Neville woke up, they spoke only about romance. I know that Luna was snatched from Neville, so it's natural, as it is natural for Ginny to worry about Harry, but I think you should have touched up more on their concern for the other's safety before talking about love. I'm sure that they were worried about whether Luna and Harry were alive and whether they were okay, more than if they loved them or not. That being said, I think that Neville wanting to tell Luna how he felt just before she was taken away was a really nice touch. The urgency of the moment would have prompted him to tell her, in the fear that he might not get the chance again.

Overall, I really enjoyed the style and thing you've done a good job with this :)

Author's Response: hey, thanks for the review! I had actually written this out before, but it wouldn't let me reply for some reason!

I'm glad you enjoyed bits of this :)

I know what you mean about Ginny, but I'm just going to put it down to shock at seeing Neville kill a death eater, but you're right, she's very capable.

I edited the end just a little bit, but it's mostly the same.

thanks for the great review :D


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Review #10, by academica Love has no Limits

30th September 2013:
Hey, here at last with your requested review :)

I actually thought you did a great job for your first try at writing. I was especially impressed with your action writing - it's hard for me to stay in that moment and really describe what's going on, especially in the heat of so much violence and fear, but you stayed right there with it and carried the scene through to its conclusion. You also did well with clearly showing how cruel the Death Eaters are, especially by setting up the contrast with Neville, Luna, and Ginny in that conflict.

One thing I would suggest to improve this even further is to check into getting a beta. I did see a number of typos and punctuation errors, as well as some awkward phrasing, and a Quick Beta from the forums could help you smooth that out. Doing so would probably improve the flow here.

I also really liked the detail at the end of the chapter, with the bloodstains and the earring. You can definitely see the more powerful Neville from DH being birthed in this moment. You did a really nice job with characterization and imagery throughout the piece, but I thought that ending was particularly powerful.

I think I've hit all the major points - good work. I hope this review is helpful to you!

-Amanda

Author's Response: HI, thanks so much for your review!

You're too kind :D

I'm looking in to getting a beta, hopefully they'll get back to me.


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Review #11, by onestop_hpfan18 Love has no Limits

29th September 2013:
Hi there, here to review as requested on the forums. I think you have quite a nice premise for a one-shot here, however it could have been more descriptive. Also, I felt like at the beginning where the dialogue started like something was missing because I felt a bit lost at what they were talking about. I'd suggest either include more information in dialogue, or write some description before the dialogue starts that will elaborate on what they're referencing.

The battle scene was alright, though it didn't draw me in like one of J.K. Rowling's. I also doubt Neville would ever use an Unforgivable Curse, especially considering what happened to his parents being pushed beyond sanity while under the Crucious curse.

I also noticed some incorrect grammar, sentence structure errors, and spacing seemed off portioned. For instance, one of the grammar mistakes I noticed was where you wrote 'would of' when you really meant 'would have' based on the surrounding context. The sentence structuring issues I noticed mainly had to so with missing and/or misplaced comma splices.

Aside from these issues, I think you can definitely turn this around and elaborate further in narration/description to draw readers in. Also, I'd recommend finding a beta reader on the forums to help you fix the grammar issues in this as it's really helpful (I learned so much more about writing when I first started writing fanfic by getting a beta for my first few stories).

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for your review, I appreciate it. :)


I'm going to try and find someone to read through it and point out all the grammar stuff.


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Review #12, by AlexFan Love has no Limits

28th September 2013:
I like that you tried to keep with cannon and everything as something that is difficult to do. I thought it was interesting, this was one of those missing moments from the books and it's interesting to see people's interpretation of it.

There were a few grammar errors here and there like the wrong use of your and 'would of,' instead of 'would've' but those are small things that can easily be fixed by reading through the story again.

This is just my personal opinion but I feel like Neville, Luna and Ginny would have something lots more to talk about than romance. After all, there was a war going on and they were attending school at a castle where you were tortured if you didn't obey rules.

I found Neville OOC because as much as he hates the Death Eaters and wants to take them down, I highly doubt that he would've resorted to using Unforgivables. It's just not something that Neville would do and it just isn't in his nature. Plus. I highly doubt that something like that would've gone unnoticed by the Ministry or Voldemort.

As much as the Ministry was under Voldemort's control, I still believe that they would've had some form of punishment for murder, especially if it was the murder of a Death Eater, one of the people that they're working with.

Other than that though, it was an enjoyable one-shot.
~Grace

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for your review!

I'm going to go back through and try and sort through the grammar, so thanks for the tip!

About the romance thing, they were talking about other things like what had happened to Barry and it was just a passing comment. Neville was upset and feeling guilty and the girls were just trying to lighten the mood.
Plus you only get to see a snapshot of the overall journey which is why I didn't explain the Barry situation in detail, and the readers caught the end of the conversation. I wanted it to come across as if the reader already knew what had happened, as if this chapter would just slot in to an overall story and make sense.


Neville was OOC but I really liked the idea
of him killing a death eater and it was fun to write, but he is very over the top and your right about him being OOC.
How do you know that the Ministry and Voldermort didn't notice it, and you don't know that there wasn't a punishment waiting for Neville when he got to Kings Cross do you? because I didn't write that far ahead! ;)

I feel really, really rude/argumentative replying to this like I am, especially as you took your time to read it. I really don't want it to come across as rude, I just feel I need to stick up for myself a bit! I respect your opinion and really do appreciate your review!

:)



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Review #13, by 800 words of heaven Love has no Limits

27th September 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

I enjoyed this little piece. It was a very nice and heartwarming portrayal of Neville, Luna, and Ginny's friendship, which I really liked.

I enjoyed your dialogue, especially in the action scenes. The way it jumped from here to there added a lot to the overall helter-skelter atmosphere.

I have one CC: I would really liked to have seen some more description in this. I have SO much trouble with it myself, so I know it can be a pain to write, but it really does add a lot to the story. For me, the way an author wields description becomes very characteristic of them, and is a great form of self-expression, as you can write how you see the world.

This is a great story, though! I really enjoyed it, especially as I don't usually read this genre. I'm glad that I happened to find it!

Author's Response: hi, thanks for the review! :)

I'm glad you enjoyed this it was fun to write!

Good advice with the description, I find it quite difficult to get it right, and keep everything moving forward within the scene.

I'm working on it though !

thanks again for taking the time to review it :D


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Review #14, by toomanycurls Love has no Limits

25th September 2013:
First FF? Welcome to the cool kid bus. ^_^

I really enjoyed hearing about this dramatic event from DH which was quite glossed over in the book. I can see how Neville, Ginny, and Luna would be seen as the pillars of the anti-Voldemort movement at Hogwarts after Harry left. I like how you showed that in this story. Neville's guilt at not helping Barry is really touching. I think it really says something about his development during DH.

The transition between talking about Barry's recover and Ginny's question about Neville/Luna was a little clunky. Maybe you could move the bit about them holding hands before Ginny saying something - that way the reader can understand what made Ginny bring it up at that moment.

I'm not sure all the adjectives used to describe Neville's speech and actions work. Was Neville defense about being asked if he had a relationship with Luna? Why not embarrassed or sheepish? I don't see him being mad (which is what defensive usually indicates). There are a few other adjective choices that don't sit well but I won't call all of them out - you can PM me if you want to go in depth on them.

I really love Luna's response about the ball being in Neville's court. I could see her taking charge and asking him out but I think her reaction is sweet and fits well.


In the dialogue bits with the death eaters searching for Luna, it might be good to add more description. Were they tearing the train apart? Pushing people out of the way? Was Neville white from something he ate or out of fear for the woman he loved? Bits of detail like that would add a wealth of richness for the readers. You've written really good descriptions in other areas so I think you'll be able to add incredible details here.

The * word should probably be written out. Your story is rated M and can likely have the word you've self-censored. ^_^

aah, I really love how Luna's intervention caused Neville to stand down. It really shows how much he cares for her (and she cares for him).

wow, I'm really taken aback by Neville offing someone. I get that he loves Luna but it's quite a departure from his character. I also think that he'd consider the cruciatus curse as more debilitating and hurtful as his parents were tortued into insanity and spent their lives unable to connect with him. Still, wow. It's rather powerful and impactful that Neville did that. I'd like to see a bit of the emotion behind his actions. Was it hard for him to take someone's life?

Once the death card has been played, I don't think the DEs would go back to stunning them. That note aside, you write the action through here really well. I really felt wrapped up in the action and dueling between Neville, Ginny, and the death eaters.

I do like that the death was a bit of an elephant in the room. I also like that Ginny defends Neville and doesn't sell him as a murderer after he killed the death eater.

I loved the conversation about whether Luna knew Neville loved her. I am a bit unsure about the analogy of killing someone for her = love. It's more of an undertone here but if that's not what you're meaning to convey, maybe Ginny should add that it was how Neville fought the death eaters (not the killing part but how he came to her defense). I really, really like how they talked about Ginny/Harry here too. I can see how she might have struggled with whether Harry loved her after they broke up. It made me happy to see Neville trying to bring her around.

The ending to this is perfectly sad. The sense of loss and longing is palpable.

I think this is very good. You did a great job bringing the reader into the narrative and building tension up through the climax. You also introduce a good level of description in the story. I could tell they had a great relationship.

When you write again, let me know. ^_^ I think you have a lot of skill and potential as a writer.

Author's Response: Hi! thanks a lot for taking the time to review this I appreciate it a lot! It was great reading through this, you gave me some great points to think about.

About Neville killing a death eater, I do realise it is very unlikely to happen, but I thought it would be a fun idea to write about and try and make believable to a degree.

I tried to portray it as just a reaction. A snap reaction to seeing Luna getting kicked, and the death eater looking at him while he did it. He didn't even think about it. Plus he has all this regret that he couldn't help Barry out more, and obviously his parents lost their minds to Bellatrix. So I hoped that came across!

I'm very glad you enjoyed this, it is always nerve racking seeing what other people think.

Your comment saying you think I have ' a lot of skill and potential as a writer. ' just made my day so thanks a lot!

You've been very helpful and I appreciate your review!



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Review #15, by marauderfan Love has no Limits

21st September 2013:
Hi there!

First of all - congratulations on posting your first story, that can be kind of scary to do :) And I see you're relatively new to the forums - so welcome!

I like that you've decided to tell this missing moment from the Deathly Hallows. Missing moments are one of my favourite types of stories, and you have a lot of leeway with Hogwarts during the DH year because Harry wasn't there and there's not much we know from canon about the specifics of what went on.

You did really well at showing what life was like during the Carrows' reign of Hogwarts, and how the students just soldier on and do the best they can. One thing that stood out to me was when they were laughing and playing cards, and Ginny was teasing Neville. It's like they have a little break, a time to just be silly teenagers, when the rest of their lives are so hard because of the war. So I liked that kind of whimsical scene with a dark undertone, it worked well.

The flow was pretty good. I think you wrote the battle well for the most part (though I must admit I was really surprised that Neville used an AK on that death eater! I never saw him as the type to attempt a killing curse, so it seemed a little out of character to me.) But the Death Eaters seemed well written, the way they're very condescending. You had a lot of description about the battle scene, which was great - although I think you could have spaced it out and maybe separated it into a couple of paragraphs (because as it is, most of the action happens during that one paragraph with the AK curse.)

One thing I think you could to improve the readability a little would be to have a blank line between each paragraph. Some of the dialogue paragraphs, which are only one line, are kind of stuck together in a chunk of text, so having a blank line after each paragraph would help fix that.

I also noticed a few grammar problems throughout (the one that stood out to me the most was "would of", which should be "would have".) A quick read-through should catch most of it, though if you struggle with grammar, you can ask for a beta on the forums and they can definitely help with all the picky grammar things. :)

I hope I didn't sound too harsh with the CC. Overall, you did a lovely job on this! And by the way, I loved the ending, how you just focused on Luna's lost earring, I think it's perfect. Great work on this story :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for your review!

The Neville thing was out of character. I wanted to show the side of him that could just snap. He has to watch his parents in the state they are in, he has been pushed around at Hogwarts all term by some psychopaths and now they are trying to take away his friend/girl he likes.

Yeah I will space it out from now on after reading a lot of other peoples, it makes it much easier!

Thanks for all your CC I will take it all on board :D and the bit at the end was my favourite bit to write!


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Review #16, by BLONDEbehaviour Love has no Limits

21st September 2013:
Hi there!

As I had already mentioned, I really enjoyed this! I liked how well Neville stood up the death eaters, he's an awesome character and he gets vastly overlooked, which is sad! And he was protecting Luna! Aww, sweet. I always thought those two should end up together :)

Something I think you could include, is a bit of back story about this Barry kid. I was a bit confuzzeled about him, as he was mentioned so much but nit much was actually said about his situation? Would just help fill the reader in :)

Your description was very good! You do better than I do, I struggle with it a lot! There may be a few places that with just a read-through you'll be able to see that could do wit a tinsy bit more description :)

Also, with grammar, something I picked up, purely because I get pulled up for it, so now I'm super aware of it, is the break between dialogue and story.
For example-
'Now I know what it's like to be Harry'' said Ginny as another first year stared in to their compartment.
''He's misting the window up'' Luna stated.

There should be either a , or a . after Harry and Up, it helps to separate dialogue from story :) Also, make sure you use speech marks and apostrophes! Trust me, I make that mistake so often, your not alone!

All in all though, I really liked it! Just a few tweaks and it will be great! Definitely put in for reviews on the forum! I can recommend Patronus_charms and MC_HK's review threads, as they will give you a ton more advice than I'm sure I will. Debra20 and Marauderfan's as well ! They are great ways to get an outside and honest critique without being harsh.

Hope this is helpful and insightful. And exciting! Yay reviews!!

Grace :) x

Author's Response: Thanks for your very kind review first of all! My first ever review, very exciting :)

I really like Neville, he is one of my favourites and I think it is somewhat believable that he could just snap.
I see what you mean about Barry now, I could of expanded on that a bit.
The description I find really hard, I especially found the battle scene really hard to write.

Thanks for the advice with the grammar, I will watch out for that in the future!

thanks for the review it made my day :D



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