Reading Reviews for Effortlessly Dead
67 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell Death Comes Calling

30th January 2016:
Hey Emmi! Resubmitting this review--sorry about the HTML error, but I'm so glad you wrote me to let me know! I've been on a bit of an HPFF hiatus lately, but I hope to be back to this story, too. I was so glad that the Dobbys put me onto it, and I definitely hope to read more, soon!

Hello hello! I'm here checking out the Dobbys nominations. Congratulations, by the way!

So, this is sooo intriguing.

First off, that CI is great for a murder chapter. Ick! It made me shivers.

You did a really lovely job with that first section. I liked the cat-and-mouse opening, and getting to listen in on the murderer's thoughts, watch her process. It was super creepy! But in a good way. You definitely set the atmosphere up nicely.

And then I loved the vibe you set up in the morgue. I've a bit of a morbid sense of humor, so it was cracking me up, the way Galen was hiding out from his mother and sister and wedding details and enjoying the peace and quiet of the morgue. You really did well with walking the line between creating a warmer atmosphere while still giving us those creepy undertones. I mean, the bodies helped ;)

I loved that Rosie was asking the dead woman for her opinion on earrings for a date!

All of that cheerfulness--down to the description of the head mortician as a jovial person. I feel like, when they come up in fiction, people who work in funeral homes are always described as solemn and dreary and kind of eerie, but you flipped that trope on its head. And it makes sense to me. I think you'd need to be a sort of cheerful person, really, to work in that sort of job. Or, at least, it would help.

And then that thing about the Shrikes--it's so sinister--the murders, the impaling, the signatures, the not knowing who they are. And I love that you chose this fluttery little songbird that spears things for the name of the murdering clan. That's great!


So, as a rule, I always try to give CC, because I find it really useful to me, as a writer. However, in the words of Albus Dumbledore, "This is, as they say, your party." ;) I'll give a suggestion or an opinion, but obviously you're the author, so you go with what feels right for you!

From her current position, she couldn’t hear it but she was certain the mouse was squeaking in terror.
--I think it might be more correct to delete the comma after "position" and put one in after "it".

The young woman was one of those few people, although her reasons for staying out at that hour weren’t exactly the most popular nor acceptable.
--It might flow better to say, "although her reasons for staying out at that hour weren't exactly the most popular, nor the most acceptable." Or "although her reasons for staying out at that hour would neither be popular nor acceptable."

so Galen amused himself by holding animate (and entirely one-sided) conversations with the dead.
--I think "animate" should probably be "animated".

"It's only purpose..."
--In this case, "It's" should be "its".

Really nice job! I'm eagerly awaiting this next chapter, so off I run!


Author's Response: Hi Penny!

First of all, I'm so sorry this reply comes so late! I'm normally very punctual with my review replies but real life was keeping me busy for the last couple of months and then I sort of... forgot? (So sorry!)

At any rate, thank you so much for the review! I'm really glad that you liked this first chapter! The CI is simply brilliant, isn't it? RedHairGinny did a splendid job with it. The cat-and-mouse scene seems really popular, I'm happy I added it. I'm also pleased that you found the opening scene creepy since that was the mood I was aiming for!

The morgue crew is really delightful, isn't it? I really enjoy writing them, particularly Galen (well, naturally since he's one of the main characters). Still, the others are really fun characters as well. I'm glad that the mood I hoped the chapter to have came through in the second half of the chapter as well!

And Rosie. She's such a darling. I hope she appears as often as possible. The same with Mac. Given how dark the mood of the story is, I feel that having jovial or humorous characters is a must so it doesn't become too dark (I love dark stories with some humour myself so they're fun to write ^.^)

I'm starting to really repeat myself, but I'm glad that you like the mystery surrounding the Shrikes! I love writing about them so it's great that you love reading about them (for now anyway)! Hopefully you'll continue to like them when they are fully revealed in the next chapter!

And I'm always open for CC, no matter what it is about! English isn't my first language, so there are always spelling and grammatical errors and I'm really grateful when people point them out to me so I fix them at some point.

Again, thanks so much for the review and sorry that this reply comes so late!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #2, by MuggleMaybe In Motion

26th September 2015:
H Emmi!

I'm doing a mad dash to get the Dobby nominations all read in the next day, so forgive me if this review is a little rushed.

I confess, I wasn't sure if this story would be up my alley when I started - but I am absolutely LOVING it! I'm really impressed by your command over the world of the story and your ability to manage so many characters so effectively. I actually had to create a word doc to keep track of the characters because there are so many! This is not a bad thing - you use the characters all very consistently and they're all interesting and fully formed. (Well, some of the less central characters aren't "fully formed" so much as you provide a sense of each character having their own story, even if we don't get to learn it. Excellent!)

Menna: what a great character! Best OC is going to be a REALLY close race, I think!

The idea of the Shrikes and the Magpie is really brilliant and fascinating. And those names, from the birds - genius! The plot reveal with the different POVs is well done and well paced, and you give plenty of action to keep things moving along.

I have very, very little in the way of CC. There are a few grammatical/word choice errors, but they're very small. I've noticed you seem to have a little trouble with 'in' vs 'on' (prepositions are really weird, so I don't blame you!) For example, in this sentence:
"On another part of the country, a young man was dreaming…"
it should be *In* another part of the country. It's still perfectly clear what you mean, any way :)

The only other thing I noticed was, in this particular chapter, I was surprised the Shrikes weren't more upset about Menna getting caught like that when they haven't been spotted for so many years. But it's possible you deal with that in later chapters.

I really love this story - I will definitely be coming back to read the rest once I've gotten through my Dobbys list!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hello Renee!

Thank you for your review and I'm so sorry it took me... what, four months to actually reply to it? Usually I'm more punctual than this, but real life has kept me really busy. Anyway, I apologise.

And now to the actual review reply! I'm glad you decided to give this story a shot! I'm sure it's not everyone's cup of tea but I'm glad a bunch of people like it. And thanks for your compliments! When you mentioned you created a doc to keep track of all of my characters, at first I thought "Uh-oh" ^_^; I admit, there are a lot of characters in ED (mainly OCs), so it's no wonder if some people feel overwhelmed!

Thank you! There's a specific reason why they're Shrikes and Magpies instead of something else, but that's a story for another chapter ;) I'm glad the switching of POVs works - that was one of the things I was a bit nervous about. It works for me, obviously, but would the readers like it as well?

I have a lot of trouble with prepositions ^.^ English is not my native language, and prepositions are one thing I've always struggled with (particularly in vs. on, like you said). Thanks for pointing that out, I'll work to improve the grammar in the next chapters and revise the previous ones as soon as possible!

Ah, that... let's just say that they were inwardly more upset than what they seemed on the surface :P Thanks for noticing this!

Again, thank you for your review and I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner! I hope to see you again in the future!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #3, by Musing Secret Plans

24th September 2015:
Hi there! I just read the first three chapters and I just want to say one word "WOW!" You are really a gifted writer. Each scene you write, I can picture it in front of my eyes. It seems I know all the characters you have created personally.

This is the first time I have read a story which revolves around the OCs and I am already loving it. Thanks to Dobbys that I could discover this amazing work.

I am definitely going to read the other chapters once I am done going through the other entries in the Dobbys.

- Emm ^_^

Author's Response: Hello Emm!

Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm sorry I'm only now replying to this but... better late than never? I hope?

Anyway, thank you for your compliments! I'm really glad that's the kind of reaction this story evokes. I'm a big fan of OC centric stories myself so it's not a big surprise that I'm writing one myself. ^.^ I'm also happy that the characters are all having distinct personalities!

Again, thank you for reviewing! I hope to see you again in the future!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #4, by TreacleTart In the Nest of Shrikes

18th September 2015:
Hi there!

Back to read the next chapter of this very intriguing story.

Menna Goodwin made a mistake? She doesn't seem the type to make a mistake honestly. She was so calculated and aware of everything. Immediately, I felt like there was something else going on that wasn't being said.

It's interesting to see the entire family sort of gang up on her. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, but I suppose when you're a family of assassins you don't really have the luxury of making mistakes. Either way, I found myself feeling a little bit bad for her. I think her grandmother's words were like a solid punch to the gut for her. If she didn't regret that mistake before she certainly will now.

Ah! And we get to see Harry, Ron, and the rest of the Auror's office. I was sort of wondering how this would all get tied into the Harry Potter world because at first glance, aside from the reference to muggles and magic, it isn't exactly obvious. So Harry and Ron are all grown up and working as Aurors. I'm glad to see Gawain Robards in this as well. He's a character I've enjoyed writing recently, but one that I notice doesn't show up in fic a whole lot.

I had a good chuckle when I saw that Harry was stumped by a mean owl. After all of the dark wizards he's gone after, it seems awfully silly that a bird would be his downfall, but I really liked that you included it here.

Oh! And the mystery just increased tenfold. Now there is another group called the Magpies and they are sworn enemies of the Shrikes. I wonder why that it is. Did a Shrike murder a family member of a Magpie way back when and set off a blood war? And the idea that the Magpie might've set up Menna is really curious. Why choose to set her up? How did he know she would be there? My mind is whirring.

The only thing that I found a little hard to believe in this particular chapter is that the Shrikes would've let their guard down if there was still a living ancestor of the Magpies. They say that they killed off the last one, but then they quickly point out he had a son. That seems like a very careless mistake to make for such a cold and calculating bunch.

I did notice a few small typos in this, but again nothing really major.

table was bundle of black cloth – a bundle

he wished she’d stop the first thing. – was this supposed to be first name thing?

At one point you take the time to mention that Proudfoot only ever calls people by their given names and then in the next sentence you have her calling Gawain by his last name.

I am really enjoying this story. You've taken the best elements of mystery, true crime, and magic and sort of meshes them into one. I'm intensely curious to find out what comes next!

Good job! I'll be back to read more as soon as I can!


Author's Response: Hello again Kaitlin!

Menna is clever but she's also young and she's lived a pretty isolated life so far. However, there's something pretty major going on that no one knows yet (that's the whole point of this story) ;)

The family, I think, overreacted. Their whole lifestyle is based on secrecy so naturally they wouldn't like it when they're in danger of being exposed. But yeah, it was still an overreaction, and it accomplished very little, I think...

Putting Harry and Ron in as Aurors was so natural that I see no reason not to include them. Besides, it ties the story better to the HP universe by having some of the canon characters in it. And Robards is such a fun character to write. JKR wrote so little about him that he's practically a blank slate so you can write him in so many different ways. My interpretation of Robards has many interesting little quirks. ^.^

Harry knows how to handle dark wizards but their dark little minions are a different matter entirely XD

Ah, you're asking all the right questions, and the answers will be revealed... in due time ;) Rest assured, all of the questions will be answered, but right now the answers would only spoil everything so I keep them to myself for the time being. ^.^

That's a good point you're making. An explanation is made in chapter five, perhaps that will shed some light on the matter.

And I excel in small typos :P Thanks for pointing them out! As for Proudfoot... oops? Let's just say Robards is the exception for the rule :P

Thanks for reviewing and I hope to see you again in the future! Again, I'm so sorry this reply comes so late!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #5, by TreacleTart Death Comes Calling

18th September 2015:
Hi there!

I'm making an effort to review every single Dobby nominated story and that's led me here. Congratulations on your nomination!

I have to say that right away I could tell your story was different from anything I've ever read in regards to fic. Your set up with the woman stalking her prey and the mysterious murder really pulled me in quickly.

The scene starts out with a cat playing with and eventually killing a mouse. I thought it was a nice analogy for what was about to happen with the woman and whoever she was waiting for. I liked the thought that went into how she positioned herself and what she would do when her victim finally appeared. It set a really tense scene.

Instead of actually seeing the action, we learn that the woman has completed her task in the morgue when the victim shows up. The idea that she chose to kill him in a muggle fashion is really interesting and I have to wonder why the shrikes do it this way. I do have to say that I'm glad they don't impale their victims anymore. That sounds like a particularly horrid method of murder.

I thought you did a great job of introducing the different characters in this chapter. I felt like by the end of this, I had a good sense for who everyone was. I especially liked how your described Rosie and her ladylike mannerisms. I could just imagine her walking down the stairs in a very prim manner.

I giggled a little at the idea of Galen chattering away with the dead bodies. I think if I were in his shoes, I'd probably chatter too, but mainly because otherwise I think it would feel creepy being surrounded by all sorts of dead bodies. Pure silence would make it all the worse.

Just a tiny little bit of constructive criticism. I noticed two very small typos in this.

what she did for living. – for a living

a moment longer before following suite. - following suit

All in all, I thought this was a really smart first chapter. You've set up the characters and plot well. Everything was very clear and easy to follow. And this definitely built a lot of intrigue for what's to come. I have tons of questions swirling in my head and I must go read the next chapter right now to see if I can find any answers.

Good job!


Author's Response: Hello Kaitlin!

First of all, thank you so much for reviewing! Secondly, I'm so sorry this reply took this long - real life has been a real hassle for the past couple of months. Anyway, here I am at last.

Thank you for your compliments! I'm really happy to hear that! Beginnings are always difficult for me, so it's really good to know that the beginning of this chapter (and the story) works. I'm also glad the lack of action works for this chapter - as much as I love writing a story about murderers, I'm a bit squeamish about writing an actual murder scene.

The reason why the Shrikes kill the way they do will be explained later in the story. I'm pretty sure the Shrikes share your sentiments about impaling, although they assure me it's only because it was awfully messy...

I'm also glad you could keep a track of the characters. There are a lot of those in the story (particularly OCs), so it's good that the readers are able to tell them apart! Rosie's such a darling, hopefully she can appear as often as possible. Galen keeps denying this, but I think he initially started talking to the bodies because he found the silence creepy as well and eventually it became a habit.

Thank you for pointing out the typos! English is not my native language, so I tend to miss little things like that (and Word is not helping me at all...) Thank you again for reviewing! I hope you'll start finding answers soon ;)

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #6, by Penelope Inkwell Secret Plans

17th September 2015:
Okay! So, we've met the mysterious Magpie now, too! And his primary accomplice!

You wrote that café scene really well. I felt like I could really picture it, down to the poor-quality coffee. Although, to be fair, maybe the coffee was fine. Murdo did admit he wasn't fond of the stuff. Which already makes him extra-suspicious in my book ;)

I wonder if Gry is right. She seems to have a lot of faith in Murdo, but I thought that bit about how he might lie to other people but would never lie to her seemed terribly ominous.

It was exciting, though, to meet the other side.

You know, you've introduced a lot of characters in the last few chapters, but it's never felt overwhelming to me. I feel like I've been able to keep track of them all. That's a hard thing to do in the first few chapters of a story, especially when you have a fairly sizable cast, and you've done it really well. I really enjoy seeing all these threads dangling--all these different people and pieces of the story--and waiting to see how you'll weave them together.

Is it just me, or is no one in this fic very good with animals? First, Menna had the cat incident--that was probably a cat, but might have been an animagus and is causing her all this trouble. Then Ifan had his cat issue, Harry had to face down that owl, Menna had her magpie issue...these are not animal people, I'm thinking.

So, I'm thinking that Cosmas might be the healer that's working in league with the Magpie? And his son worked with the body of the victim. Now that's a small world. I'm really looking forward to seeing Menna thrown into the mix at their house.

Also, I really like everyone's names!


“I’m going to learn how to control whether with magic.”
--whether = weather

I won’t take the risk that something happened to him.
--since this would be in the future, I think it might be better to say something like, "I won’t take the risk of something happening to him."

“Are you sure that’s everything you have for me to tell?”
--"that you have for me to tell" sounds a little jumbled. "Are you sure that's everything you have to tell me?" or
"Are you sure that's everything that you can tell me?" might sound a bit more natural.

“Although I can’t imagine why Bell wants to have dinner with her future husband’s parents like this is beyond me, I give you that.”
--This seems to be two potential sentences sandwiched into one. Like, "Although I can’t imagine why Bell wants to have dinner with her future husband’s parents like this.” and "Although why Bell wants to have dinner with her future husband’s parents like this is beyond me, I give you that.”

This is a really intriguing fic, and very well-written! I am so glad that I've run across it, thanks to the Dobbys, and I'm deeply curious to see what you're going to do with it. I'll be favoriting it so that I can come back and find out! Congratulations again on your Dobby nominations--you absolutely deserve them! And thank you for sharing your story. :D


Author's Response: Hello!

Penny, meet Murdo and Gry, who're glad to hear that you liked the cafe scene! There was nothing wrong with the cafe (except it was probably lukewarm at that point), so it's Murdo's taste buds that need some fine-tuning ;) Not that I blame him, I don't like coffee either ^.^

Gry thinks the world of Murdo, I admit, but I can't tell for the life of me if he's lying to her or not (because he's not telling me!). We'll just have to wait and see...

Thank you! I was initially a bit nervous about having so many characters (particularly so many OCs); I wondered how people would react to that and would they be able to tell the characters apart. Glad to know that they've been well received and have voices of their own!

That seems to be some kind of theme in this story, though I assure you I didn't actually plan it that way. It's actually really funny, and thanks for pointing it out to me, I wouldn't have noticed it on my own!

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't ;) It is a small world, though, so we'll have to wait and see what happens. Menna and Galen's paths will cross soon enough...

Thanks! I love thinking up names for my characters, glad to hear you like them as well ^.^

Again, thank you so much for the CC and for the review! I've loved reading your thoughts about the fic and I hope to hear from you again in the future! This time, I promise to be more punctual with my review replies!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #7, by Penelope Inkwell In the Nest of Shrikes

17th September 2015:
he wondered how his brother, who was practically the nicest person in the world,
--This made me laugh. Oh, good, the nicest person in the world is in a gang of assassins. That says comforting things about the state of society. ;)

Oh! Are they Welsh? "Cariad" is Welsh, isn't it? I like that. Scotland and Ireland and England always get represented in HP fics, but I never see much from Wales.

“But people don’t like talking about them,” Ron explained. “It’s as if they believe that talking about them would attract their attention.
--Well there's certainly precedent for that. I think it's really interesting--and pretty cool--that you've turned that reluctance to name a thing into a distinctive mark of wizarding culture, rather than something unique to the reign of, well, You-Know-Who ;) It makes sense, too. There's plenty of magical-type stuff in which names are powerful in Great Britain. Like calling the fairies "the Good Neighbors" so as not to draw their eye. I like what you've done with it :)

Oh! This is gonna link up to Harry in the Auror office. Oh, now that's really interesting. I'm loving seeing things from all these different perspectives! That's really neat. It's like interlocking puzzle pieces, which really builds up the mystery. Plus, I think I'm going to have trouble deciding who to cheer for: the Aurors, or the murderous clan of framed assassins!

Ooh, yup! They're Welsh, yay!!

I'm enjoying the different roles the characters of the Goodwin/Prendergast family play. I can tell you've really thought through their characterizations.


“Whoever it was must have worked pretty hard to find discriminating evidence.
--I think "incriminating" might be more suited to this than "discriminating".

Besides, hadn’t he himself been a long time ago in almost the exact same position as she was now?
--This might flow better as, "Besides, a long time ago, hadn’t he himself been in almost the exact same position as she was now?"

Aled despised violence and killed only as a last result
--it seems like "last resort" might fit better than "last result".

Excellent work! I'm really enjoying the tone and the characters, and the quality of your writing is wonderful.


Author's Response: Hi again Penny!

Ifan only really knows a handful of people, so his view on the matter is pretty screwed ;) They're pretty reclusive people, the lot of them, so the generalisation they make about people are pretty funny :P

Yup, they're Welsh! I don't recall seeing much about Wales in fiction, either, though that wasn't my only reason for making the Shrikes Welsh - I found several Welsh names that I liked and wanted to use so the family's origins were modified to fit the names I had chosen (originally they were Scottish, I think) ^.^

I've noticed the tendency to not name things as well, which is why I included it here. It had such clear precedent in both in the books and the British lore that I simply had to include it. I bet the Shrikes find that funny :P

Since there are murders, it felt natural to include Harry and Ron as Aurors. I remember specifically wanted this to take place before Harry becomes the head of the Auror department though I've forgotten why :P Him being a "regular" Auror simply felt natural for the story (it also means I'm able to play with Robards and his various quirks ^.^). I wish you good luck with your decision, though I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make the choice any easier for you (at least I hope I won't) :D

Thank you! Much of the characterisation of the Shrikes comes from simply writing them and letting them guide me (some are more helpful than others...)

Again, thanks for the CC! They're really helpful since I tend to miss the most obvious things :P

Thank you for the review and again, I'm so sorry the reply comes so late!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #8, by HeyMrsPotter Secret Plans

11th September 2015:
Hello again.

This story is really keeping me on my toes. I'm intrigued by Murdo and Gry and their role in all of this. And who is this Vance, why doesn't Gry like him?! And what is Cosmas Fawley doing?! So many questions, my head is hurting.

Your writing style is so great, there are so many twists and turns already in this story and I sense there are a lot more to come!


Author's Response: Hello! ^_^

Murdo and Gry have an important role to fill so they'll be sure to make a reappearance. :) Vance, too, will be featured and once he makes his debut, I think it'll be clear why Gry doesn't like him. ;) And as to what Cosmas is doing... who can say? ;)

Thank you! I'm really glad to hear that! Looking forward to hearing from you again!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #9, by HeyMrsPotter In the Nest of Shrikes

11th September 2015:
Me again :D

Again, I liked that you split the chapter into two parts. I can see already why your OC has been nominated for a Dobby, I really love her character already. I'm intrigued about this family and what their motives are behind the murdering.

Oh, poor Harry fghting with that owl. I love that he tried to talk to it in a mushy voice, omg♥ I'm looking forward to seeing if Harry and Ron get any information out of the victim's wife.


Author's Response: Hello again! ^_^

I'm really glad you like the split. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to include multiple third-person POVs, but I wasn't sure how the readers would react. Would they like it? Dislike it? Did it work or was it just confusing? Since no one has said it doesn't work, I'm assuming they like it, though it's nice to hear someone actually mention it! :D

I loved writing that scene. It was actually one of the first things I wrote for that chapter.

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #10, by HeyMrsPotter Death Comes Calling

11th September 2015:
Hi, Emmi! I'm working my way through the Dobby nominees and I'm excited to finally read this story after hearing so much about it on the forums.

This is a really intriguing opening chapter. I liked the split between this one. The first half creates a great air of mystery, who is this woman? Who is her uncle? Who is she going after and why?!

And I have just as many questions about the second part! I love the idea of a magical group of assassins, it's a really fresh idea that I've never read before.

Congrats on the nomination!


Author's Response: Hi Dee! Thank you for stopping by and reviewing this! ^_^

Those are all great questions! ;) I'm really glad you're asking those questions because that means I'm doing my job properly. :D

Thank you! I haven't come up with the idea myself, but that doesn't mean it's not being done before and I was a little worried how people would react to it.

And thanks! Simply being nominated is a huge honor and making it two the voting round is just incredible!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #11, by marauderfan Issues with Trust

30th May 2015:
Hi Emmi! I'm so glad to see another chapter on this story :)

Besides, many pure-bloods scorn Muggleborns because they can’t list a magical ancestry as long as their arm. As far as I’m concerned, that’s more condemnable. We at least hate each for something we’ve done, not because of our supposed pedigree.” -- wow, for all the angry, short tempered things Menna says, sometimes she's got some profound points as well.

I would have guessed agoraphobia too - though that whole episode was pretty surprising! I can't blame Galen for being so shocked and unsure of how to react but he covered for her well. I love that she goes right back to her short temper and ordering him around haha. But there was a moment of vulnerability there when she thought she could trust Galen and wasn't sure what that meant, and I think that will be important later.

Eeek who was watching? That is such an eerie feeling to have when you sense that someone is nearby. Ah, it's Vance. That was a really interesting interaction between the three of them - and I definitely agree with Menna's assessment of him that he's not trustworthy. Just the fact that he's not on Murdo's side when he's supposedly working for him raises an alarm - he seems like the type of person who would switch sides at a moment's notice if the convenience suits him. Defininitely not the sort of person Menna needs on her side.

Ahahaha though I laughed so hard when Vance was trying to push their buttons and said Galen is attracted to Menna, their reactions were so awkward and she clearly felt way out of her depth. Still, I'm not giving up hope for this ship to sail eventually :p

This was an awesome chapter! I am really enjoying this story and can't wait to find out what will happen next.

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it took me a while to answer this! Real life has been pretty hectic for the last couple of days.

Menna would like for me to inform you that she can say some pretty profound things once in a while. :) Just between you and me, though, those moments are few and far between... ;)

Menna's lived so secluded life I'm surprised that she thought it would be a good idea to go in places where there's a chance to meet many people at the same time. :P Then again, she's known for doing stupid stunts like that. I think it's been pretty much established by now that the short temper and being bossy is (mostly) a facade - after all, she's only sixteen going on seventeen and alone without any support from her family (because of the aforementioned stupid stunts...) As for whether the things you listed will be important... Maybe, maybe not. ;)

I'm so glad you assessed Vance so correctly when you take into account he's only appeared three times! He's exactly as you said he is - an opportunist of the worst kind. Definitely not someone Menna (or anyone else for the matter) should trust. He's amusing, though. :)

I had so much fun writing that scene and I'm glad you enjoyed it as well! I think it was pretty obvious that Menna hadn't even considered that possibility. ;) I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't trying to nudge Menna and Galen in the romantic direction but we'll have to wait and see if that's the direction the story takes them. They're both pretty stubborn...

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #12, by Freda_and_Georgina Issues with Trust

22nd May 2015:
I'm the first reviewer of this chapter! I'm so proud. So, since I started reading another novel for something (nowhere near as interesting as this) I was wondering if I should just stop reading; reviewing two novels can be quite a bit of work. Thank Merlin I didn't! I love this chapter and all of the parts of it. You basically took all of my favorite things from this story and put it in one chapter; Galen and Meena, heart-touching moments, Vance, mind games, references to the books, love it! Two things; what year was Galen in the fourth book (when Moody was teaching)? And you put emphasize when Vance and Galen were bickering instead of empathize, I think you meant.

As I said before, love it!

Author's Response: I'm really happy too that you reviewed this! :D I'm also glad that you liked this since it took me so long to get this written... Vance, in particular, was fun to write. :) Galen is Ginny's age, so he would have been a third year when Moody was teaching. And yet another typo that Word didn't catch... I thought I was careful this time, but I guess not. Thanks for pointing that out!

As always, thank you for reading and reviewing!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #13, by AdinaPuff Death Comes Calling

19th May 2015:
Hi, I'm here for the May Review Exchange in the Hufflepuff Common Room!

So I've seen this story floating around the archives and actually had it on my To-Read list for the summer :p This review exchange, however, got me a heads start on it!

I love your summary. It's so chilling and mysterious, and I just was dying to know exactly what was going to happen in this story. It's so creepy, to be frank, and i love it. Scary movies are my favorite kinds of movies, and this novel could definitely be a horror movie :D She's trained to kill?! I love her voice, how you make her agile and quick and smart about everything, and yet at the same time she is human, pushing back feelings earlier.

The cat and mouse scene was perfection. So symbolic and metaphoric and just amazing!! That was true writing there, having such a symbol like that woven into the beginning of the story. It just proves how amazing and developed writer you are!

Awe I like Galen. He's a sweetheart, it seems. Although working in a morgue is creepy, he just seems so awesome. He's my favorite character so far. The whole tale about the Shrikes is really interesting. Did they support Voldemort, or lie low and let Voldy have some fun for a while? I can't wait to learn more about their ways and how they get away with what they do.

Really original story here! I can't wait to see where it goes. I just absolutely love the concept, the way its written, the symbols, and the characterization so much! This is going to be an amazing read, I can feel it!

- Leigh xxx

P.S. Could this possibly be re-written to be Original Fiction?! That would be an AMAZING novel that I would SO buy and read!! Or does it work too closely with the HP Universe?

Author's Response: First of all, I'm glad that this made it to your to-read list! And secondly, happy that you like the summary, it took me ages to come up with it (writing summaries is always a difficult task :P)! Right now, it seems like this story is moving away from the horror though it's by no means a happy story. :) I'm also glad that you liked the girl from the beginning! You could say that's her "business attitude", there's another side to her as you're about to discover. ;)

D'aww, thank you! That was a last minute addition, I'm really happy I added it since it's so popular amongst the readers. :)

Galen's family thinks working in a morgue is a bit creepy too. ;) But yes, he's a sweetheart (and unable to say no to certain people...). This will be revealed in the next chapter, but they were never Voldemort's supporters though some people think so. So yes, they laid low for the duration of the war, and a long before it, which is why it's such a surprise they would show themselves now. Next chapter introduces some of the other Shrikes and we learn a bit more about their methods. :)

Thank you for all your compliments, and for reading and reviewing this! I can't wait to hear what you think about the rest of the story! As for this becoming OF... you know, I never really considered that! I don't think it's too tied to the HP universe... Maybe I'll attempt to write the first couple of chapters as if this was original fiction and see what happens! And thank you for thinking this would make a good novel!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #14, by Freda_and_Georgina Uneasy Alliance

4th May 2015:
Wait, is Rosie Gry's sister? Goodness, you almost can't trust anyone in this story. And now the Magpie/Magpie allies know why Meenawent there and that Galen is most likely helping her. But what happened to her father? he didn't die there, the Shirkes think he's gone and the Magpies say he's not, so which is it? or is he just incapacitated? I love meena and Galen together; he's got a strong moral compass and she has major trust issues; it's so hilarious to see them trying to work together. Waiting patiently (read: more impatiently) for chapter 10!


Author's Response: Rosie and Gry are both Muggle-borns, but no, they're not sisters. But you're right, you can't trust anyone. Most people in this story have some kind of a hidden agenda! Aled is not dead, though he is seriously wounded. Menna and Galen are hilarious together; it's as if they are trying to out-insult each other. I can't promise I get the next chapter in the queue during the weekend, but I try my best!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #15, by Freda_and_Georgina Gone

3rd May 2015:
And wow, I love Galen so much right now. Only he would try to make sure everyone gets what they deserve. I really hope this OC/OC is Galen/Meena. He would be the only one who's compassion and justice could soften her trained coldness. And how he reacts when Shelby comes in is so perfect. I really liked the end of this chapter, though the beginning is not to be forgotten. Seeing the Shrikes recoup and Meena and Ifan's reactions to the death is amazing. Again, almost like the Weasleys. But a little too assassin-y to really make it a significant connection, don't you agree? ;)


Author's Response: Galen is such a sweetheart, and very concerned about justice. I think he would have made a great Gryffindor (he's a proud Ravenclaw). Actually, the OC/OC refers to Murdo/Gry, but who knows? Maybe it'll change along the way. Although, Menna and Galen are rather horrified people think they'd make a great couple! Endings and beginnings are the most difficult bits to write in my opinion, so I'm glad that you liked both! They are a bit Weasley-like in their affection for one another, true enough, but yes, them being assassins puts an end to further comparisons! :)

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #16, by Freda_and_Georgina Two for Sorrow

3rd May 2015:
Of course you will kill off the best of the Shrikes. But hopefully St. Mungo's can keep him alive long enough to clear Meena of that one death. It would be too much to hope they can make him good as new. Thanks for the author's note at the end; otherwise I would have no idea what they were talking about. I'm having trouble thinking of new and original things because at this point I'm so focused on what's going to happen next that I can't think about what just happened


Author's Response: I wanted Aled to stay safe, but unfortunately the plot decided otherwise. :P Still, he's not dead yet and hopefully he'll stay that way until the whole matter is solved. You're very welcome; I figured the old superstition concerning the number of magpies one sees wouldn't be familiar to everybody so I decided to mention it. And don't worry about not having anything original to say - I'm quite happy with a review that says simply "This is well-written!" or something else along those lines! Glad that you're enjoying the story!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #17, by Freda_and_Georgina Trouble Arising

3rd May 2015:
I'm rather disappointed Meena didn't find what she was looking for. Now we've really got the story running with the Magpie having found the first Shrike. And all the speculation is killing me; we hear a bit here, a bit there, and mere speculation everywhere. Again, all of your characters have their own thing to them making this story so addicting, each one contributing their own side and take. So good.


Author's Response: Trust me, Menna is also disappointed she didn't find what she was looking for. ;) Here's indeed where the story really starts begin up speed and I'm afraid I don't know when it will start slowing down again. I'm also afraid the speculation will continue for a while. :P But it's a good thing you think that all of the characters contribute to the story. There are so many OCs it wouldn't surprise me at all if the readers found some of them unnecessary to the story. Glad to hear that at least with you, that's not the case!

As always, thank you for reviewing!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #18, by Freda_and_Georgina In Motion

2nd May 2015:
Okay, giving the grandmother that cooking thing is brilliant. It makes her seem like Molly Weasley. And now I'm starting to pity the Magpies, what is their enmity with the Shrikes in the first place? Neither of them are good, but they're trying to do what's best for the family (in the worst way). I don't know who to cheer for. I think I'll just stick with Galen, the more I see of the assassins the more I like him. What are the plans so I know what's coming! But that's not how mysteries work I know I know. *sigh* But of all the villains, Vance is the best villain. You always have to have that antagonist you love to hate, and thankfully you gave it to me with Vance (all the other antagonists you make me pity).

As you can see, I love (to hate (just kiddling)) this story. Keep the updates rolling.

Author's Response: Like Molly Weasley? Yeah, I suppose so, though I admit I didn't really make that connection till you mentioned it. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm glad that you're confused about who you should root for. ;) Galen's a good choice, though! Plans will reveal themselves soon enough, so no worries! Vance is so much fun to write about. Feel free to hate him as much as you want to, everyone else does too. ;)

Hopefully I'll be able to post chapter 10 before you get that far! (Fingers crossed...) And thanks for reading!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #19, by Freda_and_Georgina A Chance Encounter

2nd May 2015:
I kind of wanted Galen to talk to Meena so he could help her out, but that wouldn't really be the most logical thing. I am so happy Galen is related to Ernie, that just improves my opinion of him (which was already fairly high). Ahhh, I just want everything to be figured out! But that wouldn't make for a good novel. This was probably my favorite chapter so far (don't ask me why because I don't know), but for some reason I can't think of much to say about it. It was great.


Author's Response: Well, if you asked Menna, she would tell you she doesn't need any help (she's wrong, by the way). ;) Since Galen is pure-blood, I think he's related to the vast majority of the pure-bloods of Great Britain. In my head, Galen and Ernie are first cousins (Galen's mother is Ernie's father's sister), though they aren't particularly close.

I really like this chapter, and I'm glad you do, too!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #20, by Freda_and_Georgina Secret Plans

2nd May 2015:
And the plot thickens... Two errors I noticed before I forget: "the café had for offer" I think you mean "had to offer" and then one time you wrote whether instead of weather. Both of these were in the first section, hope that helps.
In other news, this was an amazing chapter. I want answers so horribly, your writing honestly forces the reader to move on to the next chapter. I'm so glad we see Galen again; I really liked him. And that Magpie lullaby will haunt me. I don't like the Shrikes, but I like the Magpies even less. The question is not who I want to win out, but who will win out. As long as Galen doesn't die we're on good terms. ;) (watch him die in the next chapter)


Author's Response: Ugh, those errors. Word is useful for spotting the more glaring errors, but some, like these, always escape me. I've been meaning to fix them for a while now, but I never seem to find the time...

Yes! If you need to keep reading this to get answers, then I've done my job well! This makes me so happy to hear! Glad you like Galen - he and Menna are two of my favourites! And it's okay if you don't like the Shrikes; they aren't exactly the most likeable people in the world, and the Magpies are even worse.

Don't worry, Galen will survive at least until chapter ten. ;) After that... who knows?

Thanks for reading!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #21, by Freda_and_Georgina In the Nest of Shrikes

2nd May 2015:
Alright, now I'm slightly confused; did Meena kill the guy and the Magpie put it out in the open? Or did the Magpie kill him like a Shrike would? But other than that; wow! A lot of mind-stretchers here. The family that can be so loving and cold-blooded at the same time, a whole new antagonist (I hope you'll go into why Shrikes and Magpies hate each other), an amazing OC called Bea by some, Harry as an average Auror, ahh! It was all so interesting! I like reading this but I'm afraid of how it's going to end. But so far, you have a good mixture of love, darkness, mystery and humor.

Another twisting chapter.

Author's Response: Ah, yes, the matter of who killed whom. Don't worry, it'll all be explained later on! The Shrikes are indeed full of contradictions: they care very much about their own, but don't hesitate to kill anyone who crosses their path. I plan on explaining the feud between the Shrikes and the Magpies later on, don't worry. Given that this takes place only two or three years after the Battle of Hogwarts, I found it reasonable that Harry would be just an ordinary Auror at this point; there's no point in making him the head of the departement immediately after the battle. And the name Proudfoot was actually mentioned by Rowling in her books, I simply gave them a first name and a gender since it was left unstated in the books. :)

So glad you're enjoying this so far! I hope you'll keep reading until the end (whatever that may be)!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #22, by Freda_and_Georgina Death Comes Calling

2nd May 2015:
So, this is Georgina. The one who read the companion peice without reading this. Well, now I'm reading this. And goodness is this excellent storytelling! At first I thought Galen would be the guy who was going to die (he still might, in a story like this anything can happen) but I like this better; bringing in a third party to observe and make unbiased judgements. The comparison to the cat and mouse was great (note: I read it with a hunting cat sleeping on my lap).

Overall; excellent and intriguing. Moving on to the next chapter.

Author's Response: So glad you decided to read this as well! This story is my baby and I love it when I get new readers!

Thank you for your compliment! I'm happy that the beginning was enough to confuse you into thinking a character was going to die and then find out they were going to live. I won't tell you if Galen is going to survive or not (quite frankly, these characters have minds of their own so I can never be certain what's going to happen next), but I can say this: somebody is going to die during the course of the story.

And more love for the cat and mouse! That's so great.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #23, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Uneasy Alliance

20th April 2015:
I am both really glad that I'm caught up, and really sad that there's no more for me to read right now. :(

It is really amazing how big of a turn has taken place just in the past few chapters. I'm really anxious to see what will happen to Aled, and what's going to become of this new alliance between Menna and Galen.

Also, the fact that Galen feels sympathetic towards Menna honestly has me wondering if maybe he's some long lost Shrike cousin or something... Hm... *Raises eyebrow suspiciously*

Either way, this is such an incredible story, dear, and I really can't wait to see where it goes from here! Well done! I'll be eagerly awaiting your update!

Author's Response: I know that feeling... Hopefully I've got something new for you to read in the near future!

Yes, the turn has indeed been big, but I hope I have more surprises in store in the future chapters! Aled's fate is currently unknown but will be revealed... at the end. :P And I forsee there's a lot of bickering in store for Menna and Galen...

Maybe? I really couldn't say... ;)

Aw, thank you! Like I said, hopefully an update is on its way soon...

As always, thank you so much for the review! So sorry it took me a while to respond, I've been really busy these past few days.

 Report Review

Review #24, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Gone

11th April 2015:
:O And the plot thickens even more! My goodness, dear, you are so skilled at writing drama, and Cliffhangers!! :P

This was another completely intriguing chapter and I'm off to the next now!!

Author's Response: I love cliffhangers, they're so much fun to write... Nothing better than leaving the reader wanting more! ;) And thanks for the compliments, they really made my day!

See you at the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #25, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Two for Sorrow

11th April 2015:
*Gasps and shrieks at the same time*

I... I just don't even know what to think or feel about this chapter! So much drama, so many different emotions going on at the same time! And I'm really shocked at Galen's reaction and pity for Menna!

And I'm sorry that this review is so short but I MUST READ MORE NOW!!! I have to find out what happens!!

Author's Response: Is it a good thing or a bad thing that there was so much going on? I hope it's a good thing. :) And Galen's heart is too big for his own good. *shakes head* I have a feeling it's bound to bring him grief sooner or later...

Thanks again for the review! I don't mind if they're short, it's the thought that counts!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>