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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane The Deathstick

29th December 2013:
And here again, we get the indication that Grindelwald did feel some kind of affection for Dumbledore.

I really like the way the battle was fought by two wizards who, despite everything that transpired, still did not want to fight one another.

I LOVE the arrival of the phoenix and in a way, it's appropriate, since in a sense, Grindelwald is reborn at the end, isn't he? When he, to some degree, redeems himself.

I'm kind of sorry Dumbledore didn't write back to him and show some sign of forgiveness. I guess, though, what Grindelwald did was pretty unforgiveable and perhaps more significantly, he isn't somebody of whom Dumbledore would want to be reminded. Too much of a reminder of his own youthful mistakes.

Author's Response: I think Gellert felt some affection, but he didn't admit it while he was still gaining power. Strange as it seems, I would say he didn't have the self-confidence to admit it when he was still trying to prove himself.

I loved the pheonix, too. I wrote the first bit, then it came to me (the idea, not the pheonix itself, unfortunately!...) I wouldn't say reborn is quite the right word - I think he grows up, and lets go of his ambition. I suppose that is in a way a fresh start.

I'm sorry too that Dumbledore didn't write back, but Albus was too afraid. As you say, he didn't want to remember. Perhaps he didn't know what to do. As we know, he was so afraid of finding out who killed his sister. Actually, there could be another story in that - what was Albus' reaction to the letter? Another one on my list!

Thank you for all these reviews! Feel free to move on to more of my stories ;) Further to my status yesterday - the election is over, now on to the Squib Rights Marches and pure-blood-riots! (or some of my million other WIPs)

Leonore


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Review #2, by MargaretLane The Elder Wand

29th December 2013:
I like the way you show Grindelwald's first impressions of England.

LOVE Bathilda's summing up of Aberforth. It makes complete sense considering what we've read about him in the books and especially since she herself is an intellectual and could be expected to prefer academic youngsters.

Again I think the burgeoning friendship between Albus and Gellert is a little rushed. Considering how dismissive Gellert was of him when he first heard of him, I'd expect him to need some indication of Albus's intelligence before he began to really take notice of him. He doesn't appear the type to befriend somebody quickly.

Really like Albus's letter. That sounds exactly the sort of thing that would prove to Grindelwald he was worth knowing.

Oooh, that's creepy, how Grindelwald thinks that he could "deal" with Ariana" if she loses control.

Really like the way Grindelwald realises Dumbledore isn't cut out for world domination.

And I LOVE the paragraph about him setting his army on Muggles, Muggleborns and Muggle lovers. It's so callous, so in-keeping with how you've characterised him all along. That whole paragraph is rather high-handed and even the language helps characterise him.

That part about his prisoners building the prison is chilling.

The last paragraph too is truly chilling. Grindelwald comes across as truly callous here.

And yet, there is a slight indication that he did, to some degree, care for Albus, that he did really consider him a friend or at least a co-conspirator, which fits with how he tries to prevent Voldemort from desecrating his grave despite everything that would later happen between them.

Author's Response: This whole story is getting through a lot in very little time, and I never intended to spend long on any one thing. So I must confess things like instant friendship are partially for plot convenience. But how they became friends so quickly is also because they are both very similar at least on the surface - both bright, with a certain disrespect for authority. Gellert changes his opinion of Albus when Albus rolls his eyes at Bathilda, and they then have a long conversation during which Gellert would have realised that Albus was in fact bright. Gellert has never had a conversation like that with someone his age, or indeed any age. But point taken.

Creepy he is! What I was really trying to do in this story was not write someone who has excuses for their behaviour but someone who really doesn't care. Voldemort has the sad back-story, and in my Death Eater fic The Dark Mark the main character shows signs of regret. Most dark characters it is shown as the story develops that they have a conscience or at least reasons. Gellert here doesn't. He is cruel because he enjoys it.

Yes, I think he does care for Albus at least a little. Albus is his first - and only - friend. Everyone else is an enemy or is beneath him. They do not understand him, and he does not try to understand them. He is a lonely ruler.

Glad you think it's chilling - Gellert is brutal and cares for no-one but himself and, in a way, Albus. He does like Albus, but would never allow them to be equals. When he is setting his army on people, it is not because he hates them so much as he wants to be feared. So I'm pleased to hear my characterisation of him works.

Leonore


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Review #3, by MargaretLane The Wand of Destiny

29th December 2013:
Having seen your status, I decided to take a look at your author page and YIKES, I didn't know where to start. You have a lot of very interesting-sounding stories. I haven't seen much written about Grindelwald though, so I'm going to start here.

Hmm, straight off, I get an impression of a similarity with Voldemort. There is the same arrogance, the same contempt for authority figures, although Voldemort appeared to hide it better.

That comment about "that poor girl" is chilling, the more so, because we get little indication of what happened. All we know is that SOMETHING happened.

And the Headmaster reminds me of Dumbledore in later years.

I think Grindelwald would like the the theories of Nietsche.

The Headmaster's words when expelling Grindelwald sound very authentic. You give an impression of the man just in the way he speaks.

The only criticisms I'd have is that the end of the story seems a bit rushed. I'd like to see more of how his parents reacted and actually see him telling them. Their reaction appears to be glossed over and it would surely be interesting -whether they are appalled at his behaviour or whether they support him and criticise the school. It would also give a greater insight into his background and how he became the person he is if we knew what his parents were like - are THEY prejudiced? evil? well-meaning but oblivious? horrified by their son? strict? permissive? His aunt's letter also seems a bit rushed. I'd expect her to say a bit more about Albus than just "he's your age and bright" and certainly to say more about his expulsion than just that she never liked Drumstrang anyway.

It also should be "compliment", not "complement". To "complement" means to go well together.

I really like your explanation of what he wanted to visit his great-aunt and I like the fact that he takes no notice of what she says about Dumbledore and doesn't believe the boy could possibly be as intelligent as himself. It's very much in line with how you've portrayed him all along.

An excellent first chapter.

Author's Response: Wow! This was a lovely surprise. The bits I glossed over - that was me being lazy, mostly! His parents' reactions weren't essential to the story, so I decided I didn't need to try to write that realistically. I also know from experience that my stories tend to drag on when I get into too much detail, so I was perhaps being a little over-cautious to avoid that this time. I also decided that this was from his point of view, and he didn't care what they said, so he might have just ignored them. They were probably very permissive but also neglectful, for him to turn out as he did.

The Headmaster reminds you of Dumbledore? I suppose there might be some similarities, but Dumbledore would have dealt with Gellert's behaviour earlier. He is weaker - he picks out the problems, and thinks "what a shame", but I would expect Dumbledore to investigate properly.

I always find letters hard - I only want them there to change the structure slightly and deliver important information. I just couldn't think of much more to say (probably could have done if I'd put more thought in), so having made it clear that Grindelwald would be visiting her I ended the letter. Possibly also, particularly considering her age, she wasn't totally with it. Her writing might have been slow and shaky.

Compliment - thank you for pointing that out. I will sort it as soon as possible.

Great constructive criticism here - I will try to avoid rushing quite so much, and maybe put more thought into letter writing.

Thank you for reviewing,
Leonore


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Review #4, by Nirupa The Deathstick

27th December 2013:
I liked this story:)

Author's Response: Thank you :)

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Review #5, by SiriusAura92 The Wand of Destiny

8th September 2013:
Hey,
This is a really impressive intro!
I must say, even compared to your intro of 'The Dark Mark', the detail in this just makes it so much more interesting to read.

I like how you're building up Gellert's character and I'm interested to see your take on his feelings about Dumbledore.

Great Job!
SiriusAura92

Author's Response: Thanks! This story's nearly done - one chapter awaiting validation (should be up some time tomorrow), then one more after that, and it'll be complete. Then I can get back to TDM. I hope you enjoy the rest! I prefer looking at the people, exploring their thoughts and opinions, to going into lots of detail about physical stuff and really exciting plots. Feelings about Dumbledore - well, there's a bit, if not as much as there could be.
Glad you like it!
Leonore


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Review #6, by Taylor1991 The Wand of Destiny

6th September 2013:
Liked seeing things from his pov.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing - glad you like it

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