2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by milominderbinder Diagon Alley, Inheritance, Peanuts, and the train

2nd December 2013:
Hiya! Me again :P I don't have a ton of time to write a good review but I wanted to let you know I read this chapter too and again really enjoyed it. I think the advice I said in my last review still applies but again, the compliments still apply too. Your plot is interesting and Caitlin is becoming more and more fascinating through this chapter, she's a great character. Well done!


Author's Response: I really appreciate the Feedback. To be honest I am not sure I am going to continue it right now, my honest feeling is that I should either completely rewrite it from scratch or scrap it.

I'm thinking I am going to shelve it for now and come back to it in the future. Honestly what is posted is the tip of the iceberg of what I have written.

I think the next thing I am going to do is to is to write something new. I am thinking of doing a story around Rose Weasley. I think the flags I have on this story excluded a lot of people from reading it.

I really do appreciate your criticism, and I am extremely glad you enjoyed my crappy first shot at a story.

One thing I am curious about is your comments about the trace being original. I did take this concept from canon. I went into more detail about it, but it's definitely from canon.

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Review #2, by milominderbinder A girl discovers she is a witch

2nd December 2013:
Hiya! I think you have a really good premise for a story here and I really enjoyed reading this :)

This was a great introductory chapter! I feel like you've shown just enough of the story to hook me in and show me that there's an interesting and compelling plot, but still left mystery so that it's intriguing and I want to read on. You clearly have a talent for writing compelling plotlines, I can tell that from just this one chapter!

I found the concept of The Trace really interesting. I've not really read anything like that in a story before so that was really interesting and original. I thought it was a great idea and actually wondered why there's not something like that in canon!

You've done a great introduction to Caitlin here. She already seems like a very mature and intelligent 10 year old and I'm interested to see how she develops!

I do have a couple of tips which I think could help make this story really awesome!

It's easier to read if you start a separate line for each line of speech every time the character speaking changes. Otherwise it gets a little confusing trying to figure out who is speaking at times :)

I also found it a little confusing which characters were there. You introduced it like only professor McGonagall was there at first, then suddenly had Arthur saying a line. Adding more description between your speech might help with this, giving a little more context to where they are and who's there.

One other thing I thought, which isn't exactly about this chapter, is that your summary could be improved. Rather than telling people what the story is about, it's more interesting to show them, by using something like a quote from the story or an intriguing summary written in the style the story is written in. It can really help draw in readers and make your story more appealing!

That probably sounds like a lot of criticism, but I truly did enjoy reading this! Well done, you have a real raw talent for writing that could easily become brilliant with a few adjustments like the tips I've said here.

Well done!


Author's Response: Thanks...

I sent this to clear the Unanswered Review. I really do appreciate your constructive criticism.

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