Reading Reviews for A Compilation of Giving In
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Haronione Hero

5th September 2013:
Hey blackballet, you said you hoped to see me in the review battle so here I am :)

Well, this is a first - I've never read a fic where James and Lily break up. And to be honest I've never considered it because, obviously, they got married, had Harry and then were together when they died. BUT, now I think about it, they may well have gone through rough patches and even split up for a time and then got back together- I've just not considered it before (maybe because I just couldn't, not Jily! Heehee)

I was dubious about reading this fic as it is based on missing moments from one of your other fics that I haven't read. However, not having read the other fic did not detract from this story/chapter. The only thing was that if this was not based on missing moments from another fic I would be disappointed that there was not more information relayed about why James and Lily were fighting. I am now intrigued about what James had done in front of Lily's parents and Petunia. Is the answer in that fic? Guess I'll have to head over to that fic at some point to find out ;)

Your description of the almost kiss during their fight made me picture one of those really slow movie kisses :) I could see it clearly in my head.

I really like the emotion in this, especially on the last few paragraphs. I really felt for both of them there. It was obvious that Lily wasn't following her heart here and that she was thinking, hoping, James would fight harder to stop the break up actually happening. This line was great ''James,' I whispered, completely expecting him to be standing above me like he always was.' and really emphasised what I just said about Lily's conviction about what she was doing.

I absolutely loved the last line But, if I'm the hero, why do I always need James to save me? Just lovely :) It gives the reader hope that this is just a blip and Lily will change her mind (and that the story will keep in canon ;) I do love things staying canon!)

There were no major errors that jumped out at me while reading this!

So, this was a great chapter and I enjoyed reading it :) I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon ;)

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

I always thought that they would have to break up before one of them (LILY) realized their error and fixed it all up again.

When writing this, I wanted them to be one-shots that you would be able to read alone as well. I think I should probably redo this and add the actual scene that gets her mad at the beginning. It will make it clearer for everyone.

I'm glad that was clear! It's like she just realized what she's had all these years and now it's gone. She doesn't know what to do! She really thought that James would be there for her like always.

Yes, I added that in not only for the challenge I'm doing, but also for that reason. I wanted to focus this around Lily and the doubts she had.

Yay! I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the great review!


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 Hero

31st August 2013:
Aw, sad. A break up story! I'm very glad that you submitted this to my challenge, though, because it adds some sad variety to the ones that have been entered so far. :)

It was very clever how, instead of using the quote in the story, you let it sort of weave in and out as an idea. Lily wants to save herself, and she thinks that she doesn't need someone else to save her. It works so well!! :)

The emotions throughout the story were very real and potent. I find myself wondering why Lily suddenly changed her mind about the kiss, but I realize that she could probably feel herself giving in, wanting him back, and she was trying to fight that impulse. So sad!

The beginning of the story was very good, but I really wish that we could've seen the scene that caused the fight between James and Lily. It would provide some more background to the story, and it could be done by "showing, not telling," which is always cool. However, even without that scene, this story is marvelously written. The fight scene isn't really necessary in this case because you've decided to focus solely on the aftermath of it, but it's so well-written that I'd just really like to see what happened before!

Fantastic job! Be on the lookout for the challenge results blog post on September 8th! :)

May your pen never run out of ink!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! I was a bit worried about the time constraints, as I procrastinated a bit. I guess I could add that in, and I will edit this after my novel is all finished and I have time to edit everything. Thanks for that idea, though.

I'm glad you liked what I have and think that my writing is so good. Thank you so much for this wonderful review and your awesome challenge!

blackballet


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