Reading Reviews for Essay Forgotten
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lunetta Specter The Library

10th December 2013:
CONTINUE THE STORY PLZ

Author's Response: I think I might be adding a few short stories:)

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Review #2, by Bellatrixlestrange124 The Library

28th October 2013:
Hi there!

I know I said that I would have this up after a few hours but I decided to sacrifice sleep for some writing haha, apologies for any typos; I'm typing on my phone.

OK, so I loved the introduction to the chapter, a very descriptive and detailed start for us readers to really get a grasp for the mood and the situation. I liked how you used Ginny's thoughts to write about a bigger over all picture about what actually was going on at Hogwarts, eg: the gryfindor party and well consequently, slytherin' loss.

I think you created somewhat of a brilliant paradox by writing about the stillness and peacefulness of the library before you introduced Draco. After Draco walks in, he's obviously disturbing that peace and that becomes very prominent to the reader because I felt angry at him just being there (and that's a good thing) haha

I must hand it to you, you we're spot on with the characterisation an dialogue for Draco (not that he has to be a certain way of course, the whole point of fanfiction is the idea of the author being allowed a poetic licence) but yes, when it comes to Draco being a little snot rag, you did a darn good job out of it.

Well done and keep up the good work!!

Bella :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review, I'll do yours soon!

I'm so glad you like it! I hoped the description was up to par:) Draco is a really fun character to write so I'm glad the characterization was good.

Thanks Again!
-Lumos


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Review #3, by silverashes The Library

14th September 2013:
Hello there!

I want to apologize for my untimely-ness of this review! I had my second week of school and it was beyond crazy. I miss my summer freedom, haha. Anyways! Back to your story! I think your idea is very unique. I have to say that I have never read a Ginny/Draco story before! This is new ground for me.

You had the characters personalities pinned nicely! I feel like the story line might fit better with a short story, so you can develop their relationship. I think (because they hate each other so much) that it would be more realistic if they had a little more time to find those feelings for each other. Maybe they get stuck in a detention together or locked in the Room of Requirement! I think you could make this into a really interesting short story!

I think your writing style and plot are both very interesting. Your writing flows very smoothly, there's never any hiccups. You give enough detail for the reader to picture the characters and their surroundings! The plot is very unique, so I think that readers will find the story very interesting!

One minor spelling error that I noticed:
-It took all of her self-control not to curs him. ďPlease, just go."
-curs should be curse

Overall I think you have a really good start!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Oh, don't worry about it:) Sorry about the timing of my response. I hope I'm doing the ship justice, as it's your fist one to read.

Thank you! I really like to try and make their personalities as accurate as possible, so that's good:)That's a good idea! I like the idea of them being together in detention.

Aww, thanks! I'm so happy you like it! *happy dance*


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Review #4, by marauderfan The Library

11th September 2013:
Hi there :) marauderfan here with your requested review!

I have never read any Draco/Ginny before so it's nice to step outside my usual box and read something different!

You asked about characterisation. I think there are some things you did very well - for example Draco's nickname for Ginny, "Weaselette" was perfect. And him asking if she couldn't afford pigs. That's very much something he would do. You've written the condescending side of him really well.

But there are a couple things about the characterisation that I don't think worked as well, at least according to canon. I thought Ginny could have been a bit more sarcastic and less outraged. In the books she tended to have very snarky responses to things that annoyed her. And as for Draco, some of the things he did seemed a little out of character, like slouching on a sofa and putting his arm over the edge of the chair around her. I see Draco as really proper and stuck-up and I personally couldn't see him slouching :p

I also thought it seemed very sudden for them to be claiming that each was in love with the other. But - you mentioned in your A/N that you're debating whether to keep this as a one-shot or add more, and I think it'd be cool if you turned this into a short story! That way, you can extend the process of them liking each other so it seems a bit more natural - a few more chapters will give it time to develop and feel more realistic.

Lastly... I was kind of wondering what year this is in. Draco mentions Harry as Ginny's boyfriend, and he talked about the "Chosen One", so I assume it's during HBP- but you mentioned that the twins threw a party, and they had left Hogwarts by then.

I hope I didn't overload on the CC and sound too mean! Overall I think you've got a really good start here - great work. :)

Author's Response: Hey, sorry it's taken me so long to respond!

Thank you! I do try to keeps the personalities as canon as possible, so I've edited some things you mentioned, like Ginny's response. I definitely am going to write more chapters:) About the time, it is set during Ginny's 4th year and Draco was just being sarcastic. Thank you so much for your review!


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Review #5, by toomanycurls The Library

7th September 2013:
I really like the dialogue and descriptions you make through this. Context and description helped make Ginny seem very authentic.

I don't know if Draco would have much room to say that Ginny loved him. Even if he thought so for a reason, it might be a better start to say that he knows she fancies him.

Ginny's reaction seemed a little off. Only a little. I see her reaction with cold sarcasm even if she does feel for Draco. She's rather even-headed.

I really love that he calls her Weaslette. Hilarious and perfectly fits Draco's humor.

If you keep the story going, you should explain how they fell in love as they're not typically portrayed as liking each other. I think you have a really good start. Maybe focus on tempering out their reactions a bit. Neither are entirely extreme in their reactions in canon. They're lively just a bit mellow.

Please feel free to re-request if you add more!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your feedback! I love constructive criticism because then I can make the story better:) I will work on their reaction some more. Thanks for helping with characterization, it helps a lot!

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Review #6, by patronus_charm The Library

4th September 2013:
Hello there Iím here with your review. Your link to the story didnít work, so please ensure that it does next time because it takes a bit of time having to search for the story.

I found the beginning of this chapter very listy, with the way you described why Ginny was there, the back story, what she was doing, and I soon lost concentration. One thing that might be an idea is to simply summarise it in about two lines and then intersperse more reasons between description and dialogue because it would mix it up a bit and make it a little less monotonous.

I liked Ginnyís characterisation with the way she was unsure about Malfoyís reasons and mistrustful it was all very fitting and in tie with the books. I do have a few queries though. Which year is this in because the twins are there but Draco was hinting about Harry being her boyfriend? I know he might have just been playing around but the clarification of that would be nice.

The way Draco teased Ginny was good too, because I, again, thought it fitted in with the way he antagonised Hermione in the books, and Iím guessing he would treat them both in a similar way. The one thing I was little less sure of was the whole arm around the chair thing because it seemed a little too close and too un-Draco. If you get rid of that little bit, it will be great.

You asked about description, and I do think it does need a little bit more. For example you could paint a really vivid of the setting of the library such as the lighting, what was around Ginny, where was she sat, so we have a good premise for the story. Then more physical description of Draco and Ginny throughout their altercation would be great too as it would help with figuring out their emotions too.

I hope I didnít seem too harsh in this review, I just think this story has a lot of potential and I want to reach it. :)

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Sorry about the link, I don't know what happened. This is set in Ginny's 5th year (I can specify in an update) so Draco was just messing with her about Harry. About the arm thing, I meant it to come across as if he was trying to make her uncomfortable, but if it was too un-Draco, I can change it. Also, I'm thinking of changing the point of view to first person, but I'm not sure. Thank you so much, constructive criticism is always really helpful! :)

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Review #7, by BLONDEbehaviour The Library

3rd September 2013:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review :)

Yay for Drinny! This pairing is what got me into fanfiction in the first place, but then my love turned to Dramione, which i see you have written about as well, so gonna inspect that as well. Will leave a review also, because that story is lonely!

Okay enough rambling, onto actual 'reviewing'

I believe that this is a really good start to a novella or short-story! I agree with those who have also reviewed, it feels unfinished here, which can be good, but I would just love to see more happen here and see if something can blossom between these two :)

I think your writing style is really good! You describe well, but perhaps you can describe more of the library, whats it look like to Ginny, where is she sitting, is she surrounded by paper and books, what's Draco wearing etc. Just small things that can hugely improve a story. Your characterization is really good. I think you have done well with renditions of both characters so far, and would love to see how you go with them :)

Plot is good, like I've said. I love how it is such a common situation, up late at night finishing work, and you have worked it well, and would really see how you can work it.. maybe having this bump into each other in the library late at night help to blossom a relationship? Who knows, theirs countless possibilities!

Grammar overall is good, i only found a few parts that could do wit improving.. "I really need to get my work done sooner, she scolded herself mentally." Maybe bold or italicize her thought, so we know that she is thinking and we can get that vision in our head. I know you say that it is a thought, but it may be a good thing to pair it with :) The last grammar thing was "It took all of her self-control not to curs him." I'm just guessing it is missing an 'e', which is easily fixed!

Oh, before i forget, if you do decide to continue this, perhaps noting whereabouts it is positioned in the books could help. As you mention the twins are still there, s it'd have to be 5th year or earlier if you were keeping it canon. So maybe just making that clear!

All in all though, i like the start alot! I'd love to see where it goes! If you decide to continue, please re-request!!

Please respond to this review, thank you :)

Blondie :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! The idea originally was a Dramione one, but I started to think that Drinny would be an interesting way to go, so here it is!:) About the italicizing thing, I tried to but the in-site editor doesn't let me do that and when I paste the story it doesn't go through:/ I'll keep trying though and let me know if you know how to fix that:) I will probably set it in 5th year (for Ginny) because I wanted to make her older and I can also work with HPB Draco, who I find really interesting and can add to the plot. Thanks again for this amazing review!:)

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Review #8, by Ginny The Library

29th August 2013:
More chapters but keep it a constant war of passion and hate!

Author's Response: Ok, that's the plan(: Thanks for the feedback!

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Review #9, by house elf The Library

29th August 2013:
You should definitely continue! I really like how you write, it's clear to read but easy to picture :) This sounds a bit weird but I also thought you're really good at writing Draco being horrible... his insults could have come straight out of the books! :P

But yes, it does feel incomplete as a one-shot on its own. So I vote more chapters! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I actually love writing Draco:) I originally meant this to be a one-shot but now I think I want to write more of it.

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Review #10, by snowy_owl The Library

29th August 2013:
I think you should definitely add more to the story! As a one shot it seems unfulfilled, more should happen. I like the whole "Essay Forgotten" concept though, maybe you could make it a short story that happens in one night. Good start though!

Author's Response: Ok! Thank you:) When I originally wrote it I meant it to be a one-shot but now that I think about it, a short story would probably be better. Thanks for your feedback!

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