4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SereneChaos  Bastards

8th January 2014:
Another great chapter! I'm not sure I'm convinced that Abby and Bill's conversation makes sense for an adult and 6 year old conversing with one another, but I thought it was interesting that he could always tell the twins apart. I appreciate that even though I haven't read the other stories in your series, I can still keep up with what's going on here. I had been nervous that there might be some part of this case that I wouldn't understand because I hadn't read the other ones (things like how Maddie is connected to Luddy), but you did a good job of quickly explaining it and keeping me in the loop.

As a stylistic thing, at first I wasn't sure I liked the italicized exclamations sprinkled in your chapters, but now I've gotten used to them and it sort of reminds me of reading Nancy Drew/Hardy boy books, haha.

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: I have to admit, I wasn't sure how to handle people's thoughts or conversations to themselves. The italicized was my short hand way of doing it, so I left that when it seemed to work in my drafts. I did not remember that was the way the Drew/Hardy books did it, but I read a lot of those in my distant youth. So it must have stuck in my memory.

I tried not to have too much of the back story complicating the characters. So people could try to read the story as a stand-alone book. This book is set a decade and a half after when HP and friends were kids, so they're bound to meet other people. I did my best to make them believeable, in as limited amount of space as possible.

Thanks for reading.

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Review #2, by SereneChaos Murder

8th January 2014:
Wow! What a chapter! I'll admit, when I saw the word count on some of your chapters, I was a little skeptical, but after reading this, it didn't feel at all too long! I love, love, love your OCs! Jeffers especially is quite the character and the entire time I was reading the parts with him in it, I was reading it with a growly voice in my mind, haha. Once again, I do feel that the original characters from the HP books feel a little out of character (after her house elf rights things, and the kind way she tried to treat Grawp, I doubt she would say dragons were only good for their meat). Though, I'm willing to treat the original characters as OCs for the sake of your story because it's so neat! Good work!

Author's Response: I thought the conversation a bit grown-up as well, as I wrote it and reread. But I had done it with older children in mind and realized afterward that I had goofed the ages.

That being said, my own daughter is fairly brilliant (if I say so myself) and I think Bill and a six-yr old like her could have had a discussion like that. Had she been a young witch talking to a scary uncle.

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Review #3, by SereneChaos The Thin White Man

8th January 2014:
Hi there! I haven't read your earlier stories, so forgive me if some of my comments seem weird because I haven't read the previous novels.

Whatever the case, I loved the husband-wife dynamic between Harry and Ginny. I thought it was so funny hearing their banter back and forth, though I wonder if it wasn't a little out of character for Ginny to prefer spending time at home (especially when in the books she was incredibly active and refused to stay away when the Battle of Hogwarts was going on, even when asked). Possibly also a little out of character would be Harry not knowing how to use a band-aid, because he spent the first eleven years of his life as a muggle.

Even so, this is so interesting! You really have a set 'detective' tone in this story. I liked the combination of different scenes in this chapter. Just from this chapter, it seems as if dialogue is a huge strength for you, because each character was good at keeping his own voice, even when it wasn't outright said which character said what. I do think you could have done without the quotations around 'Blonde' when you described him, just because readers will probably get the point after seeing it once, but still. Awesome story so far!

Author's Response: I'm sorry I have not been checking my reviews. My apologies.

Thanks for trying out the story. I wanted to get back to the original idea I had, of the men being detectives, solving some puzzle. I thought I have had a lot of female characters as the lead and needed a change of pace.

Also I wanted to write for Ron, again.

I am aware my use of quote marks and italics seem to cause readers some problems. I was faced with constantly changing point of view I was writing.

(probably not correct writing style but I am trying to be original)

Back in one of the first stories, I changed the font for different people or conversations. And later found it did not transfer to HPFF. So I was left with putting the internal dialogue and some of the mental thinking parts as different from the other type as I could.

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Review #4, by Saloho Lakemen

16th October 2013:
Knew I kept your author page bookmarked for a reason :) stumbled upon another file, glad you're writing more. Is this story to make up for the lack of Ron before? Like to see authors explore that character more, keeps getting sidelined to make room for implausibly perfect Dracos. Hope we have repeats of previous humour, and drama, will Ginny and Astrid be in this? Hope they're not away for the whole case. Will we see more of the green werewolf ever? Thanks for carrying on with your writing.

Author's Response: Thanks for remembering me. I had no idea anyone noticed my green wolf.

This story is concentrating more on Ron and Harry, for a change. The women appear now and again, but not as major as in the older stories.

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