Reading Reviews for I Saw Him Once
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Stunned I Saw Him Once

17th November 2013:
A perfect story. Beautifully written.
Stunned x

Author's Response: Thank you so much :) this was definitely one of my favourite stories to write

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Review #2, by LillyRoseanne I Saw Him Once

21st October 2013:
Naw!
That was so cute! I absolutely love it and the whole thing just made me smile, that song is SO Luna and I love how Ned is as nutty as she is. Bless them!
Awesome challenge entry, thank you so much!
Will be PMing you on the forums soon...
LR
x

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so pleased you liked it. The challenge was a great idea and gave me an excuse to write my first song fic :)

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Review #3, by Remus I Saw Him Once

13th September 2013:
Hey hey hey! Perelandra here from the forums with your review!

Ahhh, Luna stories. Those are always cute. The first thing I noticed about this was the great amount of description. While its always good to paint the picture, I felt like it was a tad, bit over done. Perhaps a bit rushed to describe everything. Speaking of rushing, the end also felt a bit rushed. On paragraph she's leaving him and the next she's getting married. It left me with a few questions! Haha! Like, how did they meet again? How did he find her? How did he propose? XD

The song lyrics, by the way, felt like they were getting lost with the rest of the text. So maybe centering them and making them bold would make them stand out a bit more.

Ned though! He sounds like the perfect match for our dear Luna. What little we saw of him, he felt like a perfect fit for her. Specially when he sort of fanboy a little bit on her.

Your story has a lot of potential. If you were to add a bit more when it comes to story details, it'll be fantastic. I didn't see any grammar issues at all so on that department you're fine. :)

Anyway! Thank you for letting me read this! :D And I hope this review was helpful.

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie, thanks for the review :)

Description was something that was totally lacking in my writing so with this one it's what I tried to work on, I guess I'm still trying to find a balance :)

The challange was to refelct on her wedding day about how they met, so there had to be a little jump between the two, but I might look into going back and adding a little more into it and making the lyrics stand out a little more, thanks for the advice!

Ned was just so much fun to write, I wanted someone who was as quirky and individual as Luna but not the exact same person, I'm really glad you liked him :)

Thanks so much for the feedback!

Dee x


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Review #4, by academica I Saw Him Once

7th September 2013:
Hey, here with another requested review!

I'll be honest--I'm not a huge fan of song-fics. I have no problem reviewing them for my thread, and I've written a couple, but I just find it hard to strike a good balance between flooding the story with lyrics and not hinting at them strongly enough to show the connection. I think you did a good job finding that balance; I can see how the lyrics inspired parts of the story without feeling like they interrupt the flow.

That said, I can't help but feel like there are some things missing in this story. If Luna "saw him once" and it was like a dream, how did she find him again? How did they end up engaged? It felt like you were going strong during the initial encounter in the main part of the story and then kind of left us hanging there at the end. I wish you had included more details about their reunion and how Luna and Ned interacted on their wedding day.

I did really love the first part of the story, though. You did a great job of working in Luna's quirkiness and showing how Ned was her soul mate. I liked how they handled the undoubtedly awkward scene where she borrowed his belt to attract a Niffler; it really showed that they were kindred spirits. I also liked your detail in describing the surroundings and everything Ned wanted to accomplish. I'm sure he never dreamed he'd get to marry the girl on the cover of the Quibbler :)

Great work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda, thanks for responding to my review request! Song fics are something I've generally avoided reading/writing until this one, I couldn't resist the Les Mis aspect of it! I'm glad you thought the lyrics didn't disrupt the flow, it was my main concern with this.

The Luna challenge I combined with had to include a wedding and a reflection on how Luna and my OC met so I tried to focus more on their first meeting than the rest of their relationship. I definitely see your point about including more details of their reunion and their interaction on the wedding though! I may revisit this and add more details of their relationship.

Luna's quirkiness was something I definitely wanted to get across in this, she's not an easy character to write so I'm thrilled you liked that part.

Thank you for the helpful and lovely review :)



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Review #5, by toomanycurls I Saw Him Once

4th September 2013:
I read this while listening to I Saw Him Once - that really helped my reading experience. It's a perfect song for this fic/perfect fic for that song.

I love how you filled in so much detail about Luna's world and built from what we know about Luna and her hobbies. All of the dialogue seemed authentic. This is one of the best Luna characterizations I've read.

The lyric selection works well for the plot and really builds the emotional build-up.

Author's Response: Hello :) thanks so much for responding so quickly to my request!

I'm really glad you listened to the song whilst reading this, that's how I wrote it :)

I'm so pleased you thought Luna was characterised well, she's my favourite character in the series and I really wanted to do her justice, that's a huge compliment!

Thank you so much for the lovely review :)


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Review #6, by HermioneeeGrangerrr I Saw Him Once

3rd September 2013:
I'm glad for Luna. I thought some of those creatures didnt exist though?

Author's Response: They do in her head ;) Nifflers are definitely real though. Not so sure about the Crumple Horned Snorkack and Wrackspurts though :P

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Review #7, by marauderfan I Saw Him Once

29th August 2013:
Hello Dee! I'm here with your requested review!

Aww! I really liked this :) I just LOVE Luna, and she is such a tricky one to write but I think you've done wonderfully here! The interactions between Ned and Luna were great - he's clearly star-struck and it's adorable. And I liked that they both just happened to be searching for magical creatures in the forest, what a perfect way for them to meet. I laughed out loud when Luna took his belt, she really has no boundaries haha.

The end was cute. They didn't find the Crumple-horned Snorkack but they found each other. (Everybody say "Awww!") :P

I've never written a song fic either so I'm not sure if there's a really specific format you're supposed to follow, but I thought the song integrated really nicely! You put the song lines in just the right place in the story and it fit really well with what was happening in the narrative. Perfect choice. (great song too, I love Les Mis.)

There was one sentence that didn't flow very well: The sound of the zip on the khaki green bag being opened disturbing the birds who were perched in the tree behind her and they flew from the tree, some squawking though indignant at the disruption.
It's a bit run-on and the verb tense in the beginning seems weird. Maybe you could re-word it to something like, "The sound of opening the zip on the khaki green bag disturbed the birds that were perched in the tree behind her, and they flew from the tree, some squawking as though indignant with the disruption." Or something.

Btw, good luck in the challenges! Though I'm competing against you in one of them haha! Maybe I'll request a review from you on mine too once it gets validated :P Anyway, great job with this story!

Author's Response: Hi Kristin! I'm super sorry its taken a little while to respond to this, I can respond to shorter reviews on my phone but I prefer to answer longer ones on my laptop which has been broken! Anyway, sorry for the life story!

Luna is my favourite character so I really worried about posting this in case I'd written her all wrong, I'm thrilled you think otherwise :D Ned was such a fun character to write too, essentially a male Luna which is always a good thing.

I'm really glad you liked the lyric placement too, I read a couple song fics before I started this and they were all different so I just made it up haha. Les Mis is amazing, I couldn't resist the challenge.

That sentence is all wrong, I totally agree! I'll change it ASAP, thank you!

Thanks so much for the lovely review, if you're competing in one of the challenges I have NO chance but this was fun to write regardless :D PM me on the forums when your entry is up and I'll review it :)


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Review #8, by blackballet I Saw Him Once

29th August 2013:
I'm here with you requested review!

I definitely think this is very original. I've never read something about Luna out in the woods trying to find a creature. It's something very in character, and I love that her advanced knowledge is shown when she corrects Ned on having his wand out.

I think the song worked relatively well throughout the story. The only part that was a bit strange was the ending. it said something about her running away but then she came back and they were married. I understand that they married some time later, but when it says she ran away, it shouldn't be so literal. It's really tiny though, and I only pointed it out because you asked me to.

I generally really liked it and I thought all the regular checkpoints like flow and grammar were there and executed well. I think you could have a bit more description about how her voice was flowing and had a thin, quiet, but wise tone. Something like that to make it more Luna-esque.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this! I look forward to more being requested of me.

blackballet

Author's Response: Hello! I'm super sorry its taken a little while to respond to this, I can respond to shorter reviews on my phone but I prefer to answer longer ones on my laptop which has been broken!

Anyway, I'm really glad you thought the premise of the story was suited to Luna's character. I'm pleased you picked up on her advanced knowledge, I think Luna is portrayed in fanfiction far too often as a ditzy type but she's a ravenclaw for a reason ;)

I appreciate all of the CC, the ending definitely needs some tweaking. Description is something I'm trying to work on and your advice about her voice is great.

Thanks so much for the advice and the lovely review :)


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Review #9, by patronus_charm I Saw Him Once

29th August 2013:
Hello there, I'm here with your requested review!

I thought the setting you provided for this one-shot was really excellent! I got such great visual imagery here that really added to the mood of the story. I liked how you mentioned Luna a little after too because it seemed as if she was more part of the forest than a visitor to it. That made sense in my head, but sounded a little weird so I hope you get what I mean!

This might sound strange, but I also really liked how you included spells in this one-shot. I always find it strange how so many people fail to include them into their stories so yay for them being here!

I really loved Ned! I think it was the way Luna just bumped into him and his 'Ravenclaw's robes!' that just had me laughing way too much!

One thing I did notice throughout the one-shot was several grammar errors in regards to your dialogue. Like here for example, '“Ravenclaw’s robes!” he gasped, “I’m sorry! Let me help you up,” he put his wand,' as the he put his wand isn't linked to the dialogue there needs to be a comma after up. Only dialogue tags e.g. said, cried e.t.c. require a comma otherwise it's a full stop. :)

In regards to the lyrics, I thought they fitted in really well. The lines you had chosen fitted with the scene perfectly and it provided a new perspective to look at it from. The only thing I could which needed improving is that I wished more lines were included at the beginning because we had to wait ages for them, but I can see why there weren't any if Luna hadn't met him yet.

The ending was really great! ♥ I thought it was really sweet how she ended up marrying. I imagine that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack probably had a lot to do with her saying yet to him. On another side note as I haven't yet managed it, I thought Luna's characterisation was really great! I often don't like reading her because many writers struggle with her but you managed really well!

A lovely read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! Thanks so much for responding to my request, sorry it's taken a couple days to get round to replying.

I'm pretty pleased with the description in this, I've had some feedback on other stories that its something I could work on so I focused on it a lot for this. And that did make sense surprisingly haha!

I often find myself thinking the same thing about spells, considering they're such a key part of the original stories they don't seem to make such a great appearance in fanfiction, it's odd!

Thanks for the grammar tip, I really should get myself a beta but when I finish my stories I get too excited to post them haha!

I did wonder the same thing about the lyrics but couldn't figure a way of getting them in earlier without introducing Ned earlier :/

Luna is one of my favourite characters of the series so I definitely had my doubts about writing her in case I didn't do her justice so I'm thrilled that you thought I did, it's the highest compliment I could get! I'm pleased you liked Ned too, I think his chasing of the Crumple Horned Snorkack definitely contributed to her saying yes haha!

Thanks so much for this lovely and helpful review, I'm glad I requested :D


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Review #10, by BLONDEbehaviour I Saw Him Once

28th August 2013:
Hi! BLONDEbehaviour here with your requested review!

First off!! Ah!!! I got very giddy when i finished this, It's so beautifully written, with a great storyline. You have done a great job!

I think your inclusion of the song works well. I like that you didn't place it at the very start, giving the story a bit of an opening, before incorporating the song lyrics in. They were placed at the perfect places!

I do not think there's much you can do to improve it! Though there was a place where the tense could be improved- "The sound of the zip on the khaki green bag being opened disturbing the birds who were perched in the tree behind her and they flew from the tree, some squawking though indignant at the disruption." That disturbing would probably work better as 'being opened disturbed the bird'. But apart from that, nothing else i could pick up!

Your description is fantastic, I think you should teach me. I got a great visual in my head. Overall it is a fantastic song-fic!

I would recommend writing more of these, you write them very well! Good luck for the competition :)

Please respond to this review, thanks :)

Blondie

Author's Response: Hello Blondie! Thanks so much for responding so quickly to my request!

I'm so thrilled you liked the positioning of the lyrics, I read a couple songfics before writing this but it seemed there was no particular structure to where te lyrics should go so I just did it how I thought best :)

Thanks for pointing out the tense error, I'll change it ASAP :D

Description is something I'm terrible at usually, I always sort of forget about it and get lost in the plot of my story so I tried to focus on it a little more in this one. I'm so pleased you liked it!

I definitely stepped out of my comfort zone writing this but really enjoyed it so I may well write some more in future! Thanks so much for this lovely review :D


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Review #11, by MissesWeasley123 I Saw Him Once

27th August 2013:
Hiya!

So. Perfect.
*gushes*

See, I applaud anyone who can write Luna. I had to write her for two seconds (thank god) and found it really hard.

You wrote a song fic on her.
You see my jaw? Oh you don't? It's dropped.

Luna. She's so wonderful :) I just can't believe you wrote her so realistically. As soon as I entered her first word in her dialogue, I knew it was her and her voice filled my brain.

Ned! Ah, he is so cute! I feel like him and Luna are meant to be... I totally ship her with him now. It was so cool how he was some what of a fan of hers and both totally engrossed in a conversation about all things weird.

The little things like their reactions to the Snorkacks, or anything like that in general. Ned reminded me of an over excited Colin Creevey :) His character was so original it made me smile. People need to exist like that in the real world!

Such a wonderful piece Dee, I have a feeling you're going to win. You've already won for me (as corny and what the heck as it sounds)

:)

Author's Response: Nadia, Nadia, Nadia, must you do this to me?! Your review are just...wonderful!

Luna is my favourite character in the entire series, I absolutely adore her.As soon as I was given the song I knew what I wanted to write with it but the thought of writing Luna terrified me! I was so worried about posting this as I desperately wanted to do her justice. I'm thrilled that you thought she was realistic in this, honestly!

I really had a lot of fun writing Ned, I wanted him to be just as fun and quirky as Luna as that's what the challenge called for but I wasn't expecting to love him as much as I did, I'm so happy you did too!

There are some amazing writers entering so I'm not getting my hopes up but if I've won in your eyes, I'm happy!!


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Review #12, by silverashes I Saw Him Once

26th August 2013:
Hello, lovely!

I think you did a wonderful job with your songfic! Firstly I ADORE Les Miserables. It has to be one of my favorites! I also love Luna, so this was the perfect mix between the two! I think you did a really good job on your first song fic! The lyrics fit perfectly in with your story line. I especially liked the part about the dreamers who met in a trance. Ohmigosh. So accurate.

I really like the detail you put into Luna's surroundings. I felt like I was watching a movie of your story. Ned was just like Luna. He is her perfect match. I though it was super adorable that he knew who she was and that he wanted to find all of the creatures on her list. Awe. Then he followed her when she ran after the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Overall, very lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hi Rachel! Thanks so much for responding to my request so quickly :)

I love Les Mis and Luna too! This is the first time I've attempted to write her as a main character though so I'm thrilled that you liked it!

I wanted to make Ned just as interesting and quirky as Luna, I don't think she would settle for anything less :D

I'm so glad you liked my first song-fic, thank you so much for this lovely review!

Dee xx


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Review #13, by marauder5 I Saw Him Once

26th August 2013:
I saw your update about this on the forum, and I'm here to check it out.. I'm always so impressed with people who manage to pull of Luna, since I find it so difficult. I think your portrayal was really, really good! :)

I loved your description of the forest in the beginning; it could almost feel the humid atmosphere and the stifling heat! I also really liked how she and Ned were so much alike - they seemed like the perfect match! (I do have to ask, though: I know that according to JKR, she marries Rolf Scamander, who, I imagine, is also a lot like Luna - and Ned here. How come you decided to have Ned as the other character instead?) :)

The only suggestion I have is that you might want to add something more to the transition between the memory of meeting Ned and their wedding day. I think it felt just a little bit rushed, so maybe you could have some more description there or make it more distinct, somehow. Apart from that, I absolutely loved this one-shot, the characterization and description, and I wish you the best of luck in the challenge!!! :)

Author's Response: Hello :) I'm a little overwhelmed that you're reviewing one of MY stories, 19 Years is my absolute favourite story on the archives!

I'm really glad you liked my portrayal of Luna, she's definitely not an easy character to write and I've avoided her so far because she's my favourite character in the entire series and I wanted to do her justice :) I think often people write her as this slightly stupid girl who only ever talks about nargles but personally I think she's very intelligent and just eccentric!

Description is definitely my weakest aspect of writing, I get far too lost in the plot usually so it's wonderful to know you liked it :)

As for the Rolf/Ned thing, this was for 2 challenges, the les Mis one and a Luna/original character one so I couldn't use Rolf.

Your advice makes perfect sense-thank you for that. I have a little time before the challenges close so will see if I can iron out the transition.

Thank you for the very lovely and very helpful review!


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Review #14, by Bellatrixlestrange123 I Saw Him Once

26th August 2013:
Oh wow this is brilliant! All the best with the challenge! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

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