Reading Reviews for Where The Dust Blows
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna Crossing Lines

26th March 2014:
Hi again! :)

Ahh, I'm so intruiged! But I wasn't completely crazy about the Neville killing Harry thing, though he interestingly does seem to regret it and be very sensitive about the topic. Hmm. At first I thought Edward might be some sort of illegitimate child of Neville's (because why not? He does seem very familiar with him :P) but now I'm not so sure.

It's so interesting how Neville keeps getting described as an old man despite being 39 years old. Perhaps the weight of his sins and his history is burning him and making him feel older than he is. I like the idea of the very basic, non-modern community he lives in, and how he gardens to trade for food and lives such a simple life away from magic or technology. It's quite interesting, and I liked seeing the characters in the village as well. Match-making Flick made me laugh. :P

Edward is very intriguing. At first I found him quite dislikable in how forceful and threatening he was with Neville, but now I'm not sure as he seems more curious than anything. He also comes across as very forced, in a way, like he has to build up his persona but is secretly very uncertain. Neville thwarting him by just ignoring him until he caved made me laugh as well - he is one cool cucumber. :P

I can't believe you ended it here, ahh, I'm so curious about what the story is that Neville is about to tell! What you've done here with his character is really exciting - I'm excited to read on when you get the chance to update.

Great chapter! :)

Author's Response: Hello Jenna, sorry for the slow response.


He is like 39, and he's old in that very sense. He just feels ancient and he just doesn't like moving and makes himself feel old and vulnerable. It's mostly his mental state, if ya know what I mean.

omg the more I read this review the more I am reminded that 1) need to update and 2) this story has cringe-worthy writinggg.


I will update, super soon!


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Review #2, by Lululuna The Knock On The Door

26th March 2014:
Hi Nadia! :) I LOVED the story you recommended for me and R&R-ed it but thought this was a perfect opportunity to read some of your lovely writing as well! :D (too bad about all your responding, hehe).

I'm so curious about how Neville is going to go bad! Right now, he doesn't seem all that awful... lonely, perhaps, and disappointed. It's interesting, because he seems quite guilty and regretful here - perhaps he failed in killing the snake? Or accidentally killed Harry with magic, leading to the war being lost and Voldy reigning for a while longer? The focus on his name here was intriguing as well - the contrast between people not saying his name anymore, and then, at the end, somebody speaking it aloud, seemed to come full circle.

The descriptions were great here, I loved the contrasts between the filth of his home and his sudden desire to clean it. I wonder if the dirt is more symbolic than literal, or if it truly is there and leads to him suddenly rising and wanting to compulsively clean his home as he might want to clean his conscience. I especially liked him drinking from the chipped mug - it was such a small, vivid moment of description which really stood out to me.

It's interesting, because in a weird way I can totally see Neville going bad. I imagine him not feeling satisfied with himself, not feeling valued by himself and others, and this leading to him showing his bravery by standing up to his friends for what he might believe, in that moment, to be right. I guess I always saw some parallels between him and Peter, and I'm really curious to see how you build on the foundations of his character to make him evil.

This was a really interesting start to the story and I'll definitely be back for the next chapter soon! :D

Author's Response: No seriously, this is NOT cool. I have 25 unanswered reviews (or will, once this is over) and it is not cool at all. I have a page TWO. I NEVER HAVE TWO PAGES. :(

lol yeah maybe he failed in killing bloody nagini, who knows? :P

Aw, I'm so flattered that you liked the descriptions. It means a lot to me, because when I wrote it, I was all descriptionless and a blegh writer :P

YES YES YES TO ALL THE NEVILLE THINGS. I honestly thought Neville and Draco were the same person when I was younger, and thought Neville was all bitter with Harry, except that was Draco but then I do see how Neville could be bitter with Harry, him getting the spotlight and all.

Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it. I'll come around to updating this soon, thanks for the review dude!

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Review #3, by Rumpelstiltskin Crossing Lines

14th March 2014:
Hi again (Blackout 3/20)!

Plot arch, so far: Holy crows, Neville killed Harry Potter. The small action-y scene was fantastic, with the man coming to kill Neville. I really loved the brush-off (which I'll cover more of in characterization) and the man following Neville to the village. Neville seems to have isolated himself as much as humanly possible, only close to a village that doesn't even have electricity.

Characterization: This new Neville is definitely interesting. He's a Death Eater, and he killed Harry Potter, excuse me, for I have to escape this mild state of shock O.O. Though, it seems, he really doesn't want to let the past come back up, he wants to live alone, to be left alone...he wants to repent. I love the way he just brushes off this Edward character, who is trying to kill him, and decides to head down to the village instead. Edward's reaction was fantastic, what do you mean, you can't just leave! Baha, that was great. Who is this Edward person?

Detail: Lovely again. I really love all of the small descriptions that just flow through the sentences. I must learn how to incorporate detail this way...must.

Emotion: Shock, was my initial feeling. I still can't get over DeathEaterHarryKilling!Neville. There's still a hint of that original mood in the air as the story progresses, slightly interrupted (in a fantastic way) by the introduction of a new character (Edward), who is trying to kill Neville. Honestly, I almost laughed when Neville declared that he was going to the village...I think I might have been in the same state of disbelief as Edward was! What do you mean you're going to the village?

Other/Notes: Fantastic job. It looks like this one might be on the back-burners for now, but it is definitely interesting, and I'd like to read more (because now I'm curious)!


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Review #4, by Rumpelstiltskin The Knock On The Door

14th March 2014:
Back again (for the Blackout: 2/20)!

Plot arch, so far: Ooh, creepy. Out of all of the scenarios I had thought that occurred during the post-war era, I never thought that Neville would be an antagonist. I really love this idea, and I think that it's original and brilliant. Now I'm super curious about what occurred over the past 22 years that caused Neville's name to be feared, and to drive him to repent by not using magic.

Characterization: Obviously Neville has changed very much since his Hogwarts years, and you've done a great job on the why (the mysterious events over the past years). I'm still really curious to see more!

Detail: Beautiful! Well, your descriptions were not of beautiful things, but they, themselves, were awesome. I loved the description of the small room with the grey, blank walls. It definitely set the mood for the story. Everywhere I turn in this introduction, there's a little piece of detail about something somewhere. I'm terrible at remember to add descriptions, so this makes me a little jealous ;).

Emotion: There are very high emotions here surrounding Neville and his situation. While you didn't come right out and say exactly what he was feeling, there's plenty of clues to lead the readers to a conclusion. Neville regrets what he has done, and thus he's repenting. He's obviously not happy with his life as it is, and I think that his cleaning excursion symbolizes this.

Other/Notes: Nom, nom, nom, feeding your review box. I'm trying out this new way of reviewing, to keep me from completely rambling through reviews, but it feels a little impersonal. Thus, I created a notes section, created specially for my rambling. I think you did a fantastic job, and I NEED to know what happened! Luckily, there's another chapter (I'll see you there)!


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Review #5, by Lady Asphodel The Knock On The Door

30th December 2013:
For one thing, I loved how you have the Imagine Dragons' song, Radioactive in your summary. It's very fitting for this chapter. :D

Secondly, this is so very weird to read about my Neville being the opposite of his true self. I guess it brings home the fact people don't stay the same when their world is turned up-side-down, and that's what I am assuming... ya know. =]

Anyways, this was wonderfully written. Your description of the surroundings was described very well that I feel like I am in the story. (I know it's the point) but, I felt like I was dreaming the scenario of your chapter... like that's great to me! =D

Keep up the great work my dear!

From the CR review thread,

- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hi there!

GAH, Radioactive was basically on loop while writing this haha! I'm terrible with challenge deadlines, so the song really pushed me to write.

That's a really cool way to put it! This whole challenge of making someone good turn bad was all about changing their character and making it AU, so that's what I tried to do.

I'm thrilled you liked the descriptions!

Thanks so much for your compliments, I'm very flattered! THANK YOU!

- Nadia

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Review #6, by MadiMalfoy Crossing Lines

25th December 2013:
What?! Who is this Edward you speak of? Is he someone undercover pretending to be Edward to see what he can find out about Neville and then report back to the Ministry or whoever? You've kept his identity very well hidden then, if my suspicions are true!

That cliffhanger, ugh! Why must you cause us so much inner turmoil over Neville's character and why he did what he did which we don't really know yet. No one wants to see the epitome of good as a bad guy, it's so hard!! I'll definitely be coming back once you've got the next chapter of this up! :D
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi there!

Ah, questions! Don't worry, they all will be answered in due time. But I like to see you on your toes.. hmm... I love Edward tons, he's awesome sauce. That is all.

CLIFFIE! ♥ I have never written anything like this, so I thought one was in order :P Especially since I haven't updated this in over a decade :(

Wow, I'm thrilled you're liking this so far! Thanks so much for your conjectures and compliments! They mean so much.
- Nadia

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Review #7, by patronus_charm Crossing Lines

25th December 2013:
Back for round two, Nadia!

Ooh so it wasnít Harry but Neville killed him instead. Wow, I need answers as to why he did that asap. I mean they were friends, the only annoying thing Harry has going for him is the whole way heís prepared to sacrifice himself for people all the time, and even then itís not that bad. I can only think that perhaps Neville was jealous that he married Ginny and that was the reason. :P

I liked learning more about Nevilleís character such as the methodical air of it being carried through. This was shown with Garouxís proclaiming he never killed without it benefiting him. Iím intrigued as to what Neville saw as a benefit to himself, whether it was good but twisted reasons or purely twisted ones. All this speculation is such fun. Also the whole no magic thing, did he kill the Muggle way then?

Then Garoux was a really interesting character too. I keep on wondering what all their motives are, and I wish I could know now because he is a different one. Iím still trying to figure out who heís affiliated with. My guesses are the Ministry and that theyíve become corrupt over the years. You certainly did write the air of mystery surrounding Edward really well.

So Nevilleís secretly a Death Eater? I need answers now Nadia, please let there be an update soon! Merry Christmas, dear :D


Author's Response: Finally, thank god I'm responding!

Lol, I love how you say "asap" BUT IT'S BEEN MONTHS SINCE I HAVE UPDATED, I KNOW, I SUCK IT'S A KNOWN FACT. I like your thinking.. but it might be wrong ;) It might be correct too, maybe Neville does like Ginny ;) I always wanted them to end up together, actually.

The whole no magic thing -- Neville actually refses to use magic **now** if you get what I mean. He killed Harry with magic, no doubt about that. And precisely because of that, he doesn't want to use magic anymore, because he's used it to do so many bad deeds, if it makes sense :)

Ah, your guesses are good :) You'll find out in due time!

Ahh, thanks so much for the review love! I am so sorry for the late reply, I am so so sorry! ♥ ♥

Thank you!
- Nadia

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Review #8, by MadiMalfoy The Knock On The Door

25th December 2013:
When I went to your author page, my eyes immediately went to Neville. It was close between that and your Dramione piece though. ;)

But Neville!! What have you done, you poor man, that's caused you to live without magic? Why are you not spoken of in good terms anymore? You've certainly shrouded him in a large cloud of mystery! Needless to say, this is some major character development that's hid from us! I do hope you reveal some of it in the next chapter or I'm going to want to cry over his change into someone not meant for good!

Honestly, a superb opening chapter! You definitely hooked me instantly and set up for some big reveals later on! On to the next chapter! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello there, sorry for the horrendously late response, I suck, I know.

I am so glad you didn't read my dramione oh god. Definitely deleting once the readers have an ending. It is honestly terrible, I cannot lie.

I have no clue what I did with him lol :P I am weird and fingers crossed the weirdness remains because I have plans for this but NO TIME, WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE MY SOCIAL LIFE = ZERO SO WHUTTT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Thanks so much for the review! I am so excited you like it!
Nadia :)

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Review #9, by patronus_charm The Knock On The Door

25th December 2013:
Merry Christmas Nadia :D

Wow, this was such a great start! Iím really intrigued as to why they all fear Neville, because come on this is a guy who wears a cardigan so he canít be that bad? I think the thing which Iím looking forward to is what caused him to end up like this. Maybe he grew angry about the Golden Trio getting all the attention and this is his revenge?

One thing I noticed which was a really subtle addition was his care to preserve everything and make sure the quality of things was equal. This was a sort of mark of a psychopath because with the careful need for attention and control and that was a really great addition. Perhaps this evilness has bubbling away for a long time now?

The ending was a great cliff-hanger as to who said his name. Iím betting on Harry because he was always brave enough to say peopleís names no matter what. Iím definitely going to read on and find out more :D Merry Christmas Nadia, I hope you have a great day!


Author's Response: Oh Kiana, I hope you had a great Christmas as well.

LOL, this story takes alternate universe to a whole different level. Hmm... well you find out in the next chapter why exactly he goes bad. But I originally did plan on him doing bad things because he felt under appreciated.

He's not exactly evil... just bitter. At himself. Keeping things in order is his way of not allowing change, because he of course did something that changed his world around, and he doesn't want that happening again.

Harry's such a smart guess. I wish I had done him now. I hope you like the visitor just the same...

Thank you so much Kiana! You are so kind. It's weird seeing people read WTDB especially since I haven't updated in over a decade ;)

Nadia ♥

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Review #10, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing The Knock On The Door

19th November 2013:
Hi Nadia!!

I've finally come to check out your WIP and I'm so excited!!

So immediately having Neville as a bad guy, you have my interest. But in the first few sentences.. No one wants to speak his name? What has he done? My curiosity is most definitely peaked!!

When you were talking about the dirt I was wondering why he wasn't using magic but then this got explained. Well, almost. He hasn't used magic since the war but I get the feeling something specific happened that we haven't been told yet. Again, you have me hooked for sure!!

I kinda liked the grumpy old man Neville you have going on here. He makes me giggle amongst the dust and grime. Maybe not the reaction I'm supposed to have but the thought of him becoming a bit grumpy to me is amusing!

One small thing I noticed was that you used 'anyways' instead of 'anyway' really minor but I thought is mention it.

You had some great imagery here and as I've said, the tension you've build up really got me hooked!! The cliff hanger at the end though... Who is this person speaking to him after all these years?!? I can't wait to find out!! Great chapter my dear, I look forward to reading more!!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Lauren. Sorry for the late reply!

Hi! Haha, I laughed at the "I'm excited!!"


Merlin, I know. He's not **that** old, in his 40s,but he acts like he's much older. He's still childish in some ways ;)

Ah, Americanisms -.- Will fix that right away, so thank you for pointing that out!

I'm pleased you enjoyed the description :) And yay, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!

Thanks for this thoughtful review Lauren! I am so excited to see what you think of this in the future!

Nadia ♥

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Review #11, by theblacksisters Crossing Lines

10th November 2013:
A very interesting story. Please update soon; I'm enjoying it! :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for taking the time to leave a review, you are so kind. I'm really excited you're enjoying this. I'll try to update this month, if I can. Updates usually take longer for this story because I like to do the best I can :)


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Review #12, by CambAngst Crossing Lines

19th October 2013:
Hello, again! Your first chapter was so short and you've been lavishing so much love on Detox that I couldn't stop after just one.

You started to lift the curtain a bit on Neville's story in this chapter and I couldn't tear my eyes away. Again, you did a fantastic job of weaving all of the facts and hints into the narrative of Neville's present-day life. Nothing felt awkward or forced, as though you were just dumping back story on the reader. You're delivering everything at a terrific pace.

The young man Garoux came across as interesting and rather mysterious. He plainly has some stake in whatever terrible betrayal Neville committed, but it's not at all clear which side he was or is on. He comes into the chapter with quite a head of steam, hurling a spell at Neville and threatening to kill him. It quickly becomes apparent, however, that he wants answers more than anything else. In that sense, I feel a certain kinship with him.

Did you think you could just kill off all those people - and quite frankly you aren't even fit to lick the dirt from their feet - and we wouldn't do anything? -- This line more than anything made me think that Garoux is on the "good" side, whatever form that might have taken in your twist on the world. If Neville was really involved in killing Harry, I'm curious how that would have worked out. Did Voldemort win the war or did some other circumstance lead to his downfall?

I loved the way that Neville refuses to acknowledge the threat that Garoux poses. He doesn't seem to care one bit about the possibility that this man might kill him. I'd even go so far as to say that he welcomes it. The only way that Garoux is able to get to him is by bringing up the past. That was where all of the most interesting details in this chapter came out. If Voldemort promised Neville that he could somehow "undo" what was done to Frank and Alice... now there's something that I could actually see Neville changing sides over. It's a very clever plot idea, and my hat is off to you.

I noticed a few small things as I was reading that you might want to take another look at:

Edward looked around in disgust and tried to stay close to Neville as close as possible. -- "... stay as closed to Neville as possible."?

It may be the 21st century but the people here are as rooted to the ground here as possible. -- "... as rooted to the ground as possible."?

And you, you joined hands with the people who gave your parentís a fate worse than death. -- "... gave your parents a fate..."?

Otherwise, your writing was superb. In fact, from now on if I don't comment on the quality of your writing, just assume it was brilliant, OK? ;)

Great job. Looking forward to your next update!

Author's Response: Hi! *blushes* No seriously, you're awesome. Seriously.

Whoa... That's a serious compliment. As a reader, I hate being forced into believing a relationship or something else of that matter. I was really struggling with Edward's outburst - maybe that was too quick? That thought kept on going through my head but at the end I just didn't know what else I could say, and so I left it as is. I'm super happy you liked it though. Yippee!

You are so smart. I love your thoughts on Edward. People have been saying, "I have theories on him," and it's driving me, as an author, MAD. Again, I think you look at things differently, and that's why I love reading your thoughts. I'm very interested as to what you think later on...

Oh, that line! I definitely think that line drew the line between good and bad, and which side Garoux is on. Your questions are very intriguing, I like it! But more on that, y'know, when I get writing... *sigh* I've been a bad writer lately.

*puts hat vigorously back on Dan* Wow. You are so nice. Seriously, I send flowers, cake, whatever you want your way. I'm really thrilled you like the idea, it's amazing.

Thank you, for those! I think those were some of the sentences I added after Sian beta read this chapter, and so that's why they're "grammar/typo/spelling/weird" inflicted.

O_O... If I don't comment on the quality of this review, just assume it was brilliant, OK? :P But seriously, these have been two very awesome, very helpful reviews. Thank you for them! I think I almost died at "Looking forward to your next update!" Like, for real!? I'm super flattered at your kind words.

And now, I review Detox!

- Nadia :)

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Review #13, by CambAngst The Knock On The Door

19th October 2013:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room!

Wow. You don't see a whole lot of "Dark Neville" stories. Color me instantly intrigued. You've obviously only given us a small peek at what his life has become in this first chapter, but all over the place I felt like I was picking up little hints. Bits and pieces that I hope will connect together later. It's not a happy picture, to say the least.

I think my favorite thing about this chapter was the way that you filled the descriptions of Neville's decrepit home with symbolism and meaning. His filthy surroundings seem indicative of a man who's simply given up. A man who no longer cares enough about his own life to do the basics needed to maintain his own health and welfare. Yet no sooner had I reached this conclusion than it became apparent that Neville does care, after a fashion. He tries to scrub the filthy countertop and sweep the dirty floor. But in the end, it all seems to be for naught. Even after he finishes, the house is still filthy. It's an odd state of affairs that left me wondering whether Neville's magic has completely cooperated with his decision to swear off magic.

And that decision was another big thing that struck me. Neville is a pureblood. Granted, he's a pureblood who was almost thought to be a squib, but still he's a pureblood. He's turned his back on the only life he ever knew to live among the muggles. There has to be a pretty awful reason for that, right?

I absolutely loved your descriptions of Neville's surroundings. Everything was so vivid and real. It was all easy to visualize and the details were sharp and meaningful. Little things that you drew out, like the cracked plate and cup or what sounded like a long-neglected Gryffindor jumper, really helped to fill in the picture and add tangible depth to the scene. Beautifully done!

Kudos on your editing. I couldn't find a single thing wrong with this chapter: no typos, no grammatical errors and no misspellings. Not a thing out of place! It flowed really well from start to finish.

Great job!

Author's Response: Oh no.. oh god no... *you* read some of my stuff.. oh no... I was always scared, that one day, you'll read my work. It's so overwhelming, because you are a fabulous writer, andyou just read something I wrote and gah.. I'm so honoured but kind of freaking out also...

DAN! You, kind, kind man! You absolute mass of kindness. Your words are so heart warming, and you're spoiling me, seriously.

I'm re-reading this review as I respond to it, and I think I've blushed way too many times. Thank you.

Since this was originally written for a challenge, I was given Neville. In the beginning I thought I would so something like "Neville wants to be the chosen one yadayadayada" and make it a one shot but soon this idea came and just became something else altogether.

I like the way you word it. It makes me feel clever :P But honestly, that's exactly what I was going for, I'm super pleased you've managed to make those inferences and caught those little details here and there.

I don't think I'd ever get tired of hearing that people have enjoyed my descriptions. It means so much. I bet as you were going down my AP, you saw that AWFUL dramione... *shudders* That was my frist fanfic, and then I began reading pieces by all you great authors and wondering, "Why can't I write like that?" and description was the answer. I hate it. I'm more of a dialogue person. And this entire prologue had no dialogue, so I really tried to make my description worthy. This story is all about getting better and improving my writing, that's why updates take so long.

Sian's such an awesome beta - all the credit goes to her. She's so helpful, it's amazing.

Thanks so much for this brilliant review, you truly are amazing. This has made my day. Your words, and you, are far too kind. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #14, by randomwriter Crossing Lines

29th September 2013:
Hey there Nadia! Do me a favour and give me a heads-up next time you update this because it would've been a shame if I'd missed it. Thank heavens the 'Review the person above you' thread brought me back here!

Anyway, this was... FRIKKIN amazing. I could not believe my eyes as I read some of the things you revealed in this chapter. Poor Neville. I love him so much and this broke my heart in so many ways. But it was well written and I loved the description.

I love the personality you've given him here though. It's very original and I haven't read something like this before. It's almost like you're testing my curiosity and patience with each update. I simply can't wait to know more!

I really loved how you used certain traits from the canon Neville in this. For example, his love for Herbology. I love that he's still in touch with that side of him here because it was such an important part of his character.

I also like how he justified his decision to isolate himself by punishing himself for his misdoings and talking about his regrets. It shows that he's still a good person and that he hasn't lost any of his original personality.

I couldn't believe that he'd killed Harry Potter... I really couldn't. But then I read about how Voldemort promised to get his parents back, and I guess that that would have been incentive enough. The thought of Neville being branded with the Dark Mark is quite a shocker!

About your other character, Edward Garoux. I might be falling for him, Nadia. And I hold you responsible :P He seems good looking, smart and unwillingly shy. I'd like to see how you develop his character over the next few chapters. Also, I have a couple of theories about him that I'll keep to myself right now... But they are playing on quite strongly in my mind :P

I found a couple of places where there need to commas and a couple of misplaced apostrophes. But nothing major. Don't worry about it! :)

I have a few questions that spring to mind, but you may answer them soon anyway. I wanted to know what happened after he killed Harry, what happened with Voldemort, what about Augusta Longbottom, what did Neville do for so long and what happened to all the other people like Ron, Hermione, Luna, etc? There are so many more questions buzzing in my mind. But I'll hold my tongue and wait!

Hope you liked the review! :)

Author's Response: Adi! A lot of people have been like, "Let me know when you update!" and I technically did tell you all haha.. I always update my status on the forums so I guess you must've missed it! That's okay though, don't feel obligated to read :)

Yeah, that was me being not subtle.. I have a bad habit for just getting into the plot lol. I have to stop doing that..

I'm not fretting over updates for this one. They come randomly, there's no "set" time. It all depends on when I get writing, when Sian's beta read this, and queue etc. etc.

For a highly AU story, I tried to make it er - as realistic as it could be. It's very nerve wracking but I'm so happy there's been such a positive turn out!

I know.. I can't believe it either. I don't want to kill off Harry.. *sigh* but it must be done.

The reason for him going bad's been troubling me forever.. and still is actually. I don't know if it's a good enough excuse, but if you think so, I'll gladly take it!

Matt Bomer is my Edward Garoux. MATT IS SO HOT. SERIOUSLY. ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. *sighs dreamily* Haha HE'S MINE BACK OFF. You can have Draco or something. Sadly, he won't be making many appearances throughout the novel. He'll crop up eventually, when I bring it back to the present, but most is just Neville telling a story. Yay theories! I hope you're wrong but I think you're right, seeing as I'm not subtle or clever, and you on the other hand are! :P

Ah, I'll go take a look over and add those commas and take away the apostrophes.

All that throughout the rest of the story Adi!

I LOVED this review! Thanks for stopping by!

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Review #15, by Gaius Scipio Crossing Lines

25th September 2013:
Hi Nadia,

I thought chapter 1 was good, but this makes me realize that you were just warming up, this was simply fantastic. Your detailed descriptions practically put me in Neville's backyard as well as the nearby town.

I also like the interplay between Edward and Neville, but I wonder if perhaps Edward didn't lower his guard a bit too soon. I mean if he thinks Neville is the personification of evil I would think he might have made at least one or two more attempts to hit Neville with a spell. But perhaps I should chalk it up to youth or maybe its strategy on his part.

All in all this was an incredibly good chapter. If you can keep this level of intensity for the rest of the story then I think you've got an award winner here.


Author's Response: Hello again Gaius!

I'm so happy you decided to come back, I was a bit unsure of this story and where it's going to go, but I love your feedback. Your reviews always make me so happy!

There's a reason... Edward let his guard down. But you'll find all that out later :P

Wow, such kind words! Thanks so much, you are absolutely fabulous!

Have a great day!

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Review #16, by HeyMrsPotter Crossing Lines

24th September 2013:
HOLD THE PHONE. Neville killed Harry?! He joined Voldemort, got a Dark Mark and KILLED HARRY FREAKING POTTER?! Wait a sec while I pick my jaw up from the floor, okay?

Got it.

This story is just beautiful, amazing, intruiging and The description you use is outstanding, I feel like I'm right there with Neville and can feel/see/smell/hear everything that he does.I love the dark atmosphere you've created not just in the setting but in Neville's own world.

Edward seems like he's going to be such an interesting addition to the story, I can't wait to find out more about him. I also really enjoyed Neville's interaction with him, it's obvious he's had very few real conversations in his time away and I thought you had a brilliant balance between him wanting to avoid speaking with Edward and also partly enjoying irritating him a little.

Voldy telling Neville he could make his parents better is something that is completely believable and I think that this and the fact that Neville accepted shows how well you understand his character.

Super, super, super job! I'm really looking foward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: *HOLDING THE PHONE*

Yes he killed Harry freaking Potter. And joined Moldy Voldy. And got a Dark Mark filled with darkness and markness.

No, you can keep your jaw there if you like! :D

Wow. Your words are just too kind and too.. lovely. I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing, :Your descriptions in this are great!" because.. it's really what I'm going for. For me, this story is all about improving my writing.

See, that was something I was totally struggling with! I didn't know whether that was believable enough.. I mean, why would Neville join the dark side, after all that they did to his parents? I tried using that and it didn't come out very good but I'm super happy you liked it :)

Edward... He... Yeah. I'm not saying much about him. He's a canon character.. but... someone who's very easily forgotten. You.. might or might not remember him. I actually don't plan for him to have a whole lot of screen time in this novel(lla?) because this will all be Neville telling a story. We will come back to the present every now and then though.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! ♥

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Review #17, by DumbledoresArmyOfOne Crossing Lines

23rd September 2013:
Nadia! Oh my goodness, this story. You break my heart girl, what have you done to my darling Neville?

Okay, so this is one of the most original stories I've seen in a long time. So much mystery and intrigue! I love it!

This Edward, though. He seems eerily similar to a certain metamorphmagus son of a werewolf that we all know and love- don't think I didn't catch Garoux- as in loup-garoux, french for werewolf... sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

Okay, so you just dropped that bombshell on us! Harry's dead? Neville killed him? Wat?

The writing is wonderful- crazy good descriptions, I love the bit about Neville's garden ( I love how you've kept some of his defining characteristics, even while changing his fundamental 'side' of good/evil). This seems like a really complex personality you've got going here- with the evident darkness, but still with those elements of light from our original Neville.

I'm so excited to see where this goes!

Amazing chappie!

Author's Response: Gilly!

I honestly don't even know what I've done to Neville.. It's okay, he's still awesome and everything. Just not as.. clean.

I think the challenge I wrote this for really pushed me to be original and forced me to make it as mysterious.

Wait, what? WHOA. THAT IS SO COOL. It means werewolf??? Interesting... Now I feel like changing my plot so it'll fit your theory! :P I was actually going for the type of flower a Garou is.. or am I? ;) You'll have to read and see.

Yes, Harry Potter's dead. I know.

I tried to make this new Neville as believable but also different so I'm so glad you conceived it positively.

Thanks so much for this dear! You are truly wonderful!

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Review #18, by lindslo2012 Crossing Lines

23rd September 2013:
Wow Nadia this is very interesting! You are such a good writer! I can see Neville being so distressed from the war that he turns bad.. the poor guy has had a very hard life... good story so far!

Author's Response: Aw, Lindsey! I can't believe you're reading this :) Thank you! I am so glad you liked it! This was a fun challenge to write for, and I'm really looking forward to continuing!

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Review #19, by nott theodore Crossing Lines

23rd September 2013:
Hello lovely! Nasty Neville's back!

I'm really pleased this chapter picked straight up from where the cliffhanger left us at the end of the last one, because there was still an element of suspense at the beginning. I was nervous for Neville, but he doesn't seem nervous at all... it's like he doesn't even care if he lives or dies at times, although his survival instinct still means that he dodges spells and things that threaten him.

I'm really interested in this new setting that Neville's living in - somewhere so far away from the world that he's come from. It's almost as if he thinks that by escaping to a place that could have stepped out of history books, with a bartering system and no technology, that he can protect himself from society - or protect society from him? I'm really curious about how he's ended up here, and how nobody else has found him before this time. Maybe nobody has wanted to find him before now, because I feel like this Garoux guy is out for revenge, rather than getting the story.

Speaking of Edward Garoux, I definitely have my theories about him. I have a feeling that he's masquerading as Garoux when in reality he's someone who's been affected by Neville's actions a lot more than he's letting on... that's all I'm saying for now, though! ;)

I can't wait to hear the story that Neville tells Garoux in the next chapters! You've already hinted at how he was drawn into becoming a Death Eater, with the promise that he could get his parents back. Something like that could definitely tempt him, but I'm interested to see how you write it. And then the process of training to become a Dark Wizard, and finding Harry and killing him... this is going to be a great story!

I also want to know what made Neville turn away from the Dark Arts. He doesn't use magic, he doesn't interact with many people - and definitely not witches and wizards - and he feels guilty when he punches Garoux, because he's hurt someone again. It's like he experienced some sort of revelation that caused him to leave the Dark Arts behind and try and become a pacifist to pay penance for his crimes. I can't wait to see how you write that - whether he slowly becomes disillusioned or whether there's a sudden trigger for it.

Your description and writing has really improved so much (if you don't mind me saying so). And I'm really not doing much here - you're providing the great story!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey you kind Veela! ;) ♥

Sian, I love your reviews. You pick up on stuff that others won't.. and you being a language lover makes me feel really scared when I put stuff in this story... Sometimes I feel like I'm giving out too many hints...


I really like your version, it's far better than what I had to describe it! I like the sound of, "trying to protect the society from himself." It makes me feel like I'm really clever (though I'm not hehe). I think no one's bothered to find Neville is because.. they all know (and some saw) what he did and they really would prefer to either: 1) Forget about it, 2) Are scared so they leave him alone, 3) Are disgusted by the thought of him. Edward... he's someone who fits mostly in the third category.. but there's something else.

This is why you shouldn't be intelligent. WHY. Well, I'm glad you have theories.. you'll have to wait a while before you know whether or not you're right.

Oh, I'm glad you think this will be a good story. I'm not entirely sure how this will go through... but I'll figure it out eventually. I know what I want, it's just a matter of time and writing the next words.

The Dark Arts in this story is something similar to... crazyness in my mind. It's going to be epic or it's going to fail miserably. We shall see how it plays out.

I totally don't mind you saying so! SAY IT ALL YOU WANT. I LOVE HEARING (WELL READING BUT WHATEVER OKAY) YOU SAY IT! It's great to know I've improved. I loveee it.

No, you're doing so much for me! You are the best beta one could ask for, and you read/review every chapter. That is crazy m'dear! Thanks again lovely!


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Review #20, by Gaius Scipio The Knock On The Door

19th September 2013:
Hi Nadia,

So I must say I wasn't sure what to expect with this story but, wow what a curve-ball. The thought of Neville being on the outside of everything like that was so sad, but at the same time refreshing. I have a hunch as to what may have happened but I'll hold my peace and see how the story progresses.

As always great stuff


Author's Response: Hi :)

This was written for a challenge and I had to make Neville turn to the bad side :) I tried to come up with a plot and this is what I came up with, so I'm so glad you liked it! We'll see if your guess is right or not..

Thank you again! Also - your other review was deleted because it went against the rules of this site - try not to include personal info :) But thank you for this review and all the other ones, I appreciate them so much.


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Review #21, by randomwriter (not signed in) The Knock On The Door

14th September 2013:
So it cut off my review again :( And I decided to send in another when I'm not signed in. I hope this works.

Nadia! :)

This is amazing. Absolutely amazing. You had me hooked from the beginning till the end. I actually liked that this was on the shorter side, because you used these words well and gave the readers exactly how much we need in an intro. Any more information would probably have been a bit of an overload.

I can't wait to find out what happened to Neville to have scarred him this badly. I want to know the state of the world that he lives in now.

I loved the descriptions, and I'm happy that you've used minimal dialogue, just to carry forward a couple of his thoughts.

Finally, a dreaded cliff-hanger! WHY? I simply cannot wait for this to be updated. it's amazing and the idea is incredibly original. I will be eagerly waiting for Chapter 2. It's my turn to stalk your page now :P

Author's Response: Aw Adi that's okay :)

God you spoil me :P I was a bit bothered by the shortness of this but, rest assured the next chapter is more than 2000 words (I just need to edit, eek!)

Neville... he's very troubled to say the least. His past haunts him.

CLIFFHANGERS! HOORAY! Honestly, it's my first time playing around with them! Haha the next one has a cliffie too... so... erm.. haha. You are too kind! :)

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Review #22, by Illuminate The Knock On The Door

27th August 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

This is a super interesting start to a story! I can't imagine Neville doing anything so bad that people can't bear to speak his name, and it appears that he's had his wand taken from him, too. So I am very interested to see where you take this story :)

The prose was nicely written and flowed very well, it was very easy to read :) You balanced nicely between backstory and descriptions, and I thought the cliffhanger was really interesting!

Good job!

Author's Response: Hello, there!

I'm so glad you found this intro interesting, it tells me I've succeeded in drawing you in.

YAY! This really is the first time I've ever tried to use a cliffie, so yay!


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Review #23, by HeyMrsPotter The Knock On The Door

27th August 2013:
Hi Nadia! I'm here with the first of your (very late!) prize reviews!

This is a BRILLIANT first chapter! I'm completely and utterly intrigued! Why is Neville all bitter and grumpy? Why doesn't he like magic any more? Why do people not say his name? How did he condemn everyone? And who said his name?!?! I must know!!

Aside from creating a million questions in my head you've also managed to paint the scene perfectly, the description was beautiful! I honestly can't praise this enough, will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter!

Dee x

Author's Response: Hi Dee! What a wonderful surprise! I thought I had already gotten my "prizes" because you left such wonderful reviews on First Name Terms... and I see you've favourited this as well *blushes*

I'm so excited that you love the first chapter and have so many questions! I intend to answer them in this story, most in the next chapter.

Neville is very mysterious indeed...

YAY! I managed to create the place perfectly :D I'm so glad, thank you thank you for saying that - it's the best compliment I could get for this. I was really working on description.

Thanks sooo much!

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Review #24, by DragonWizard The Knock On The Door

25th August 2013:
All i hear is that mystery scary music in the background


Author's Response: haha okay ;)
I hope you like it!

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Review #25, by nott theodore The Knock On The Door

24th August 2013:
Nadia! ♥ I'm so excited that this story got validated (and this is my second attempt at writing this review, because I accidentally refreshed the page when I finished the last one...)!

I know that you were concentrating on your descriptions in this and I think it definitely paid off. You managed to set the scene brilliantly and make me wonder why Neville is living in this filthy house and hiding from the outside world when I always imagine him living in warmth and comfort after the war. He must have done something awful to descend to this level, living in the sort of place that I would associate with criminals or something.

I thought that the fact you chose to compare Neville to Voldemort was really effective; Voldemort's the best example of evil we have from the books and for Neville to be compared to - or even have become worse than that means that he must have committed some terrible crimes in his lifetime.

There were so many little hints in this chapter about what Neville has done, but all without really giving anything away at all. The talk of this Neville compared to the old one makes me wonder what prompted the transformation and what exactly it is that he marks as the separation between the two versions of himself.

One of my favourite parts was the fact that Neville tore a piece of the faded Gryffindor scarf to clean with - it's something he'd never have done in the books (and I have to admit, it injures my house pride a little bit too :P) and shows that he really has fallen far from the hero we know in the books. I wonder whether he's now ashamed of being a Gryffindor or if he feels that he cannot live up to his house name? So many questions...

One thing I find really interesting is that even though Neville seems to be living in a dirty place, he takes care of his own appearance - you mentioned his "carefully trimmed beard". And apparently he also tries to take care of his house by painting and cleaning to some extent. It's a very intriguing combination.

The ending was great! It's not exactly a cliffhanger but you've left me feeling so curious about who's at the door and talking to him, whether they're there for a good or bad reason, and why Neville hasn't heard his name spoken in so long. I hope the next chapter is up soon so I can find out (although I have a feeling you're going to be mean and withhold those answers for as long as possible...)

Also, I thought you might like to know that since I saw certain song lyrics in the chapter summary, I can't get that song out of my head :P

Brilliant start, Nadia!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian! I'm so excited that you're excited, you really helped make this first chapter really come together. Thank you for that. Gah, I hate when that happens! I'm still so happy that you managed to leave a review though... Mine on yours was my shortest in a while :(

Yes, thank you. That is exactly what I was going for! Again, it's writers like you that inspire me to write description, and write it well, mind :P I'm so glad you thought all those things, and are completely right, Neville must've done something bad to have left the wizarding world and come here.

Yes. That comparison. You'll find out soon enough why he's worse than Voldemort. It's almost scary how deep he gets into the dark arts...

You picked it out! Yay! I was trying to be all clever and add that bit in and was wondering who would spot it.. and naturally you were one of them! Good on you! It hurt my pride as well... I would kill for a piece of Gryffindor clothing!

Neville takes care of his appearance because he can't stand being dirty. He still wants to be "clean" in that way. He tries hard to garden and clean up his house,but just because of the place he's living in, he's unable to. The dust blows around way too much there ;)

Aha, my first attempt at mystery... I love how it's eating you alive! Haha, you may or may not find out... okay, you will soon but who knows...

It's my first shot at doing songs in summaries! I thought that bit just fit y'know!? It is quite good...

Thanks so much for taking your time to leave a review Sian,
Nadia :)

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