20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by oldershouldknowbetter The Train

24th May 2014:
I wanted to begin to review this story as I'm enjoying it immensely.

I initially didn't read it as I was put off by the title. Rose in Slytherin, evil rose ? I didn't think it would work and I certainly didn't want to read about an evil Rose. But I eventually succumbed an found it wasn't about an evil Rose, but a misfit,misunderstood and ignored Rose. A Rose like that could easily slip through the cracks and be sorted into Slytherin.

I nearly always start off my reviews of Rose/Scorpius fictions in the same manner, so I'll just be off to cut and paste ...

I love the characters of Rose and Scorpius. From just a few short lines at the back of one book, she has outlined two characters with extraordinary potential. You can make from them nearly anything because they are mere shells of characters at that point. Such potential for Romeo and Juliet (forbidden) style romances or Pride and Prejudice (hatred turning to love) style romances. Throw Albus into the mix with the will he or won't he be in Slytherin angle and you have the potential for so much.

... ahem, and I'm back.

So this time it's Albus firmly in Gryffindor but Rose is in Slytherin ... hmm, intriguing. Well we don't know that yet, not from this chapter at least (the title may have given something away ;) ).

Actually it is good that you don't launch straight into the sorting. We have to see where the characters are coming from or Rose going into Slytherin will seem to be unnatural and wrong.

So we have this in mind when we read this chapter, that Rose is somehow destined for Slytherin. This is a fantastic thing because it informs our understanding of the interactions of the characters.

Victoire and then afterwards James are so patronising and somewhat condescending towards Rose. Her parents have deliberately not raised her as a pampered princess who thinks the world revolves around her just because she's the daughter of two thirds of the 'Golden Trio'. Unfortunately though, this has left her a little unprepared for the attention. With the character you have outlined for us this is not going to sit well with her. We can see the annoyance at the attention. But also the annoyance with her cousins for not just telling her what's going on. We see the beginnings of the cracks, which will become the rift which divides her from her relatives.

Then there's Albus, he doesn't really know exactly what's going on either, but his personality is much different and he doesn't react nearly as badly as his cousin. You can see that they are very comfortable friends. There is hope, one feels, that no matter which house they are sorted into, they should remain friends.
If Albus goes into Slytherin as well then it might be alright for Rose to be in there with him. But one cannot help but feel that the teasing by James will help this not come to pass. Albus may be forewarned and thus forearmed and so deliberately ask not to be in Slytherin.

Then Malfoy appears. We see the son has some marked differences from his father. Scorpius has somewhat of an easy-going nature about him. He's not too phased with the response he gets from Rose and Albus, instead of reacting with anger as his father would have, he reacts with sardonic humour.

He pushes Rose's buttons though (and they have already been pushed too much). She disavows ever wanting to be in Slytherin, from our particular focus we know she will probably have to eat her words. Especially to someone who has shown her no overt hostility, even though she's grown up with stories and tales of his father. It puts a bit of a lie to Rose's words - "Don't act like you know me Malfoy," she spat. "I'm not so predictable that you'd know me in under a minute." Maybe, like Rose he too has been brought up with tales about the Potters and the Weasleys. The reader is not privy to the nature of what he's been told (we know Rose's at least has been largely negative) but he just might have an opinion of her formed from more than a mere few minutes.

We shall see what happens. This is a very strong start and I can see a lot of potential.

There is only one thing that bothers me. You have a reasonably engaging writing style which is in the main a pleasure to read. I find your dialogue believable and not stilted which is always a plus.

But ...

you are not obeying the usual conventions of how dialogue should be written. The exchanges between your characters is sometimes difficult to follow and it becomes even worse in subsequent chapters when there are multiple people talking within a scene.

You are using identifiers (the he said/she said stuff), what's better you are not always using the plain ones, you are using varied identifiers which keeps it interesting.

The thing you are not doing consistently is linking the proper identifiers with the corresponding dialogue.
Also, leading to further confusion, you are linking the reactions to the wrong dialogue instead.

You do use the conventions properly sometimes (more than just sometimes) but not always. Here is an example, the way I believe that it should be formatted.

"What's up?" he asked looking up at her.

Rose leaned her chin in her hand, "I wanted to see if he knew why everyone's staring at us."

Al nodded polishing the Andros the Invincible card, "That was weird, did he have any ideas why?"

Rose shook her head dejectedly.

The 'Rose ... hand' is an identifier for her subsequent dialogue and as such should not be in the same paragraph as Albus' proceeding dialogue. It should be connected to the subsequent dialogue with a comma. Not as you have it that the dialogue is connected to Albus' reactions with a comma instead. You can have reactions in the same paragraphs as the dialogue they are reacting to but they must be separated by a full stop not a comma.

I'm sorry to be so negative but it makes it difficult to get which people are saying what sometimes and it breaks the flow of reading your work.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, don't apologize! That was a great review. :) I'm going to try to put those corrections you suggested in (I'm not sure if I'll do it well). Thank you so much for that feedback. Also, your assessment of Rose and Albus is spot on. I look forward to hearing your insights later on. I hope you keep reading and reviewing. :) And thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #2, by Avanell 2 Think

22nd May 2014:
Very interesting and intriguing...once again. Explanations of sort, but still stuff to sort out and somehow make right...maybe...well, never mind my thoughts :D I'll wait to read how you play this out. But made Slytherin sense

Author's Response: Hey! I'm glad you thought it made sense in terms of a Slytherin thought process. :) I'm going to be editing for a bit, but you'll see soon how everything gets resolved.

 Report Review

Review #3, by paddlewaddle Think

22nd May 2014:
Wow this chapter was intense. I feel for Rose so much. For Albus to talk about being loyal when Rose is caught between being loyal to her name and her family, and her house makes me so angry - What happened to the Wotters being loyal to Rose when she needed them the most? Everything feels so complicated and this is a testament to the amazing character development going on here.

As you said previously this story is a bit of a prelude to a story focusing on their older years, so I'm very curious of the repurcussions of this incident into their older years and the relationship between Rose and rest of the wotters as they get older. Holidays are definitely going to be awkward. I'd like to think someday somehow, they'd beable to move past the house rivalry and see each other for what they really are - Family.

It seems being in Slytherin means you play an entirely different and much more complicated game with collateral damage being just that, collateral damage. Hope you update soon cause this is captivating!

Author's Response: Thanks, paddlewaddle, I'm glad you liked it! I'm going to be editing for a bit, but I hope to get the next chapters up soon. :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by Avanell 2 Survival Versus Protection

18th April 2014:
Very intriguing, and how interesting things played out and rose's reactions. LOVED her besting that awful Higgs, but as for Tess...at first, lovely but now...oh, no! Brilliant update!

Author's Response: Thanks Avanell2! I am grateful for all of your reviews, they're great, and they really are encouraging! I'm glad you liked this chapter, and, honestly, I'm really excited to explore Rose's interactions with the Mannings. They're interesting characters. :) Thanks again!
Dangos


 Report Review

Review #5, by delacourweasley The Stormclouds

18th April 2014:
Hey so I love your story please keep writing but could you tell me how to make a banner I just started and I have no clue how to get one up there

Author's Response: Hi! No problem, it took me forever to figure out how to do it ;)
First: go to HP Forums(link-top of the page)
Second: scroll down the first page to "Help Needed" -click on the link
Third: click the first link "Banners & Graphics" -this will redirect you to the Dark Arts Forums (which is where HP artists congregate)
THESE NEXT 3 STEPS ARE IF YOU ARE NOT A MEMBER OF THE DARK ARTS FORUMS SPECIFICALLY
Fourth: click on first link "Welcome!"
Fifth: scroll down to the PINNED "Notice! Please Read"
Sixth: Follow ALL the directions on the first post, be patient, they do try to do all of the security stuff quickly :)
END OF THE EXTRA STEPS
Seventh: Go back to the Dark Arts main page, scroll down to the "Requesting Arena" section, click on the link "HPFF Banner Requests"
Eighth: scroll down until you see the PINNED, READ ME link "Complete Rule Guide & Request Forms" -follow all the directions there AND THEN, when your banner is complete,
Ninth: go to the PINNED link "How Do I Get My Banner into my Story?"

I hope that helps, and, again I know it looks like a lot but the moderators do make the process move quickly. :)

If you want to make it yourself then you could make the banner and fill the request for yourself, but you still have to be a regular member of the forums to do that.


 Report Review

Review #6, by paddlewaddle Survival Versus Protection

18th April 2014:
I wonder if there is going to be a time jump after this incident? or if this story is going to stay in the first few years of school? because this is a brilliant fic but I also want to see them grow and advance into 5th/6th/7th as these characters have so much potential! I love the constant theme of Rose having to prove/find herself as a Weasley and a Slytherin, both concepts which are almost completely mutually exclusive events, yet Rose is both and at 11, handling all these emotions is a bit hard when you are forced to be more mature, rather than to learn and grow from smaller experiences slowly.

I can't believe there is so much drama for year 1 but I hope we can see more of how Rose's relationships (with her family, new friends and Albus and Scorpius) develop further down the track, cause I do believe Slytherin's can be good - Chrissy, I think deep down is someone who wishes to desperately escape what she was bought up to become. And of course, the dynamic between Scorpius and Rose - his reasons for always attempting to help her, even if she doesn't want it, and even though she knows of all that he has done for her, she still can't trust him - I'm looking forward to seeing Rose trust him slowly and surely down the track, maybe as they get older.

I think there are one or two spelling/grammatical errors/missing words here and there at the beginning of this chapter but overall, I can't wait to know what happens next.

Author's Response: Hi!
Yeah, this story is leading up to another story. The next story will take place in their 6th or 7th year. I thought that there would be a lot that would happen this year and that it would set the stage for the rest of their school career. This also means, though, that relationships between the main characters are only going to be implied thus far. I was just thinking about how much more mature Rose is than I was at that age. You're definitely right, it has so much to do with all the stuff that's been happening to her. Also, I'm really interested in exploring Slytherin in these stories and all it's aspects, considering how I am one myself! Thanks for your review! I really do appreciate them! :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by Avanell 2 The Stormclouds

29th March 2014:
Very interesting outcome and also Rose's discussion with Malfoy. And oh, the dream! Great update!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for your review, I'm glad you liked it, especially the dream (I was nervous about that part:) )I want to get the next one up as soon as I can. Thank you too,Avanell2, for being such a loyal reviewer!

 Report Review

Review #8, by HazelMidnight172 The Malfoy Day

8th March 2014:
I don't think I've read another Rose-in-Slytherin story before, this is really interesting! The back-stories of all the characters are starting to come out, and some of them are pretty intriguing. I'm looking forward to your next update. :)

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm really glad you liked it! I hope you enjoy the next chapter too. :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by HazelMidnight172 The Train

7th March 2014:
Wow! What a strong start! I love the stuff about muggles being oblivious, it is so true! They do seem to ignore what they don't want to see, don't they? Looking forward to reading this story. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it! :)

 Report Review

Review #10, by Avanell 2 The Malfoy Day

24th January 2014:
Very intriguing, interesting chapter! Loved it :D

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you. :) I'm glad you thought so, I've been trying to figure out how to get Chrissy's past in there. It's kind of difficult. Thanks for all the reviews! They really do help! :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by Leeu The Train

10th December 2013:
I liked it a lot, sounds like it will be an interesting story. I like how you made them totally unaware of their parents history, it will be interesting to see how that plays out!

Author's Response: Thanks Leeu, I'm glad you liked it. :) I've been working on the sixth chapter and hope that'll be up soon!

 Report Review

Review #12, by AriesGirl40 Family Matters

29th September 2013:
For the love of sausages, saved a family friendship. I liked this chapter. Al is a loving cousin. He can stay at the table :)

Author's Response: I'm happy Al's back too. :) Although, he and Rose are going to have to put up with a lot of blarney because of it!

 Report Review

Review #13, by Avanell 2 Family Matters

21st September 2013:
Fabulous, wonderful update...especially loved the letters Rose got, Malfoy talking to Al, and Al joining the Slytherin table :D

Yes, FAMILY MATTERS! :D

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm sorry it took a while for me to reply I've had a ton of work at school. :/ I'm proud of the chapter title, too, as you can probably guess, not so cut and dry as earlier. :) This was a really fun to write, and I liked getting Al in the story again. More of that to come!

 Report Review

Review #14, by Avanell 2 Rose's New Friends

11th September 2013:
That was really nice and fun to read! Excellent update :D

Author's Response: I really enjoyed writing this chapter, especially the last bit at the end, so I'm glad you liked it! :)

 Report Review

Review #15, by AriesGirl40 Rose's New Friends

10th September 2013:
I liked the chapter, and Roses new friends. They seem like they really want to get to know her.

Author's Response: Thanks, I love Lima and Chrissy, I'm really happy you liked them too. :)

 Report Review

Review #16, by Avanell Hogwarts

6th September 2013:
She's starting to shine, even if still alone. Great update!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you thought so too. :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by AriesGirl40 The Sorting

1st September 2013:
I enjoyed reading this chapter. Loved the drama and the eloquent wording. Keep this up, I'll see you at the Dobbies next season :)

well done!

Author's Response: Thank you for the support! I really appreciate it. :)

 Report Review

Review #18, by Avanell 2 The Sorting

29th August 2013:
Your title first caught my eye because of missing my muse...see my story (ancient ones) titles to see why, lol.
Gregorovitch? Very familiar name to me, lol. Loved the wand scene, and how it connects with her. Can't wait for her to really prove herself!

Author's Response: Thanks! The titles are really similar. :) I can't think of what else to call them so I just kept them short. lol Thanks again. :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by Avanell 2 The Train

23rd August 2013:
Interesting first chapter! When she gets in, not only will she be a first Weasley in Slytherin (? with history, one never knows) AND Weasleys will represent ALL four houses! Nice intro to Scorpius and his quiet, smelly friend, lol!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it. :)

 Report Review

Review #20, by AriesGirl40 The Train

21st August 2013:
Interesting chapter for chapter one. Im going to give a decent review for chapter two, I need more information to go on for one of those.
I shall see you next week for chapter two

Keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm happy you liked it :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login