Reading Reviews for The Last Keepers Of The Light
58 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 800 words of heaven Chapter One

28th July 2015:
Hey, hey, hey! I'm dropping by with this review as a thank you for representing Slytherin House so well in the HC 2k15!

Oh. My. God.

Just those last two lines. They take the chapter from "oh, cool intro" to "what on earth is going on? And when is King Arthur making an appearance". This is better stuff than Dan Brown!

Sorry for getting a little too excited there. Let me start at the beginning. This was a really cool intro chapter! And as you may have gathered, that cliffhanger ending is just perfect. I really want to read on and find out what's going on.

And I'm guessing this is set sometime during Deathly Hallows? I'm not sure, but that's the vibe I'm getting. I was really scared when she was taken up to the main part of the Manor. I was like, oh no! She's going to get tortured and Draco's going to be there watching and gah! Horribleness all around! But then Yaxley of all people asks that question O.o

Thanks so much for the fantabulous read! Hopefully I'll be back soon to read some more! Until then, adios :)

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Review #2, by Gabriella Hunter Chapter One

12th June 2015:

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review for our swap. I'm sorry that it took me so long to get to it and it's also very nice to meet you. I don't believe we've talked before or anything so this is always nice! :D

So...that was pretty amazing! I had absolutely no idea what was going on from the very beginning but instead of becoming frustrated by that, I was completely absorbed. I'm not sure if it's because I could practically taste the fear that poor Ms. Blanc was going through (I love how you never reveal what her name is until the end and even still, it's not her full name.) and was desperately trying to sort through this. I love being dropped right in the middle of the action like this when I read, I can't write scenes like this very well but this is really awesome!

I like that we're right in the middle of what could only be one of the worst days of her life. It's clear that there have been plenty more before this but you have to wonder what happened and why. There's this whole mystery around her and what the Death Eaters are up to and by mentioning the Holy Grail at the end, I could feel my "Oh, Crap-O-Meter" go off. I think that's actually a good twist too, it reminds me of how Hitler was intent on having the Spear of Destiny and actually had quite a huge interest in the occult.

It wouldn't surprise me that the Death Eaters would be keen on learning more about this as well and with what we know about Voldemort, I think that fit in very well. I am worried about what's going to happen to Ms. Blanc though, with the scum that she's had to suffer with early on and her horrible treatment, she's out of options for making a friend.

What I really liked about this chapter though is how real she is. I mean, she's terrified and alone but you can still tell WHO she is or at least, who she WAS at some point. I mean, the best part of this to me was when she recognized Crabbe and even recalled her moments with Draco, feeling a sense of betrayal even though they had never been friends. I do wonder though, what they think they'll be able to accomplish and what sort of information she has.


I am very intrigued! Thanks for requesting this for me!

Much love,


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review!

I did realise after feedback that this chapter did have the tendency it become a little confusing but I'm glad that as a reader you didn't let that bother you too much! It feels so good to hear that you felt as though you were a part of the action, that was exactly the type of effect I was going for so yay! Haha

I hope you keep reading and enjoy the rest of the story! :)

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Review #3, by yumi Chapter thirteen

7th December 2014:
Please update!!! This story is amazing and the character interactions are hilarious. I cannot wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: aw thank you for such a lovely review! I have been very busy lately but i'll be sure to have a chapter up soon!

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Review #4, by LilyLou Chapter Three

10th June 2014:
Hi, here for our review swap! Sorry it took so long :)

Another great chapter! Your characters are starting to build wonderfully. I am starting to feel like Imogen, and all I want is to slap Draco across the face for his smug comments; which are very characteristic, by the way.

Ooh, so many details revealed! I wonder how everything will tie together in the end, and how or if Yaxley will achieve immortality. I certainly hope not. And that Liana sounds like a great big jumble of power, and a disaster waiting to happen.

Great chapter!


Author's Response: I'll get to yours right away!

I'm very glad you liked it; I remember being unsure about this chapter!

It's good to hear that Draco fits into his characterization - what more could I want :)

You'll have to keep reading to find out! hehe thanks for the lovely review!

Bella x

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Review #5, by toomanycurls Chapter Ten

10th June 2014:

Sorry it took me all day to get back to this.

I really enjoyed your imagery in this chapter and the way you described the dementors at the beginning. I was curious about why they weren't going to use the Patronus Charm on the dementors. You might have explained that but I missed it.

Ooh, the other bit of description I really liked was "more aware than a sneakoscope" to describe their level of tension. It's just perfect and speaks volumes (plus uses a HP-related word). I hope that Imogen does stay in touch with Arian and Maeve (if she makes it). Imogen doesn't really have much of a family anymore.

It was really exciting to get more information about what they're doing and why they're going where they're going. It also helped explain a bit of hte mythology they're working with. The scene with Liana was intense. I'm glad Imogen didn't give up the stones (or promise to give them up) but I'm hoping Liana won't kill everyone she loves. :( I was so excited that Imogen was able to do magic again!! She just needed the right provocation I guess. :P

I really feel like the plot is kicking into gear!

Great chapter


Author's Response: Hi there!!

OK, I will be honest, sometimes I get so caught up in trying to make the plot a bit unorthodox - that I completely forget about the most obvious solution - a patronus charm *kicks my self* :P

You'll have to keep reading to find out - hehe - but Arian and Maeve do have equally important roles to play in the story!

Writing the scene with Liana was difficult but I'm glad you liked it and that the plot is finally starting to unfold!

Thanks for the lovely review!

Bella x

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Review #6, by ReeBee Chapter One

5th June 2014:
Hi there! Wow! this was so good! amazing! I LOVE your writing style! really, its gorgeous! Anyway, onto the review :)

Characterisation: quite a good start! really intriguing! :D And Ms Blanc really sounds interesting! Her personality I already love her! And I must say, I noticed something really interesting (not sure if this is intended :P ) she says thank you, when she declines the water! I really liked that somehow! It really provided as a clear contrast between the two sides! And well, we obviously don't know a lot about her, but in this story it worked! really! it provided a strong base and the suspense kills!

Description: Wow, you're very very talented! Description wise, it was beautiful! Honestly couldn't look away and I could picture and hear Selwyn and Jugson's voices in my mind! Really vivid! I really loved the description! I found myself rereading lines just to experience the beauty and vividness again! :D The beginning! Beautiful! Its so original! Wow! It was honestly just :O The only thing I'd recommend is maybe a bit more on the atmosphere of the house and the room. Like, i can imagine it as cold and sort of harsh and severe, but I'd love to see it in writing :)

Plot: Great! Honestly! Wowww! Im hooked! So interesting! wHO is this girl?! why is she here?! omg! and whats with the holy grail thing?! how did she get here?! I don't know! But id love to know! :D Its awesome!

Grammar/Syntax: it was good! No major errors, i just found that some sentences were really long and maybe you could add more commas and make shorter sentences? Other than that it was perfect :)

I really enjoyed this and really hope i get some time to come back to this! Thank you for the review swap! :D

-Curie :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

Wow! This is such a lovely review and I'm just in the middle of writing yours so I hope I can write something equally as nice!

I am so glad you liked it because it really is such a challenge for me to maintain description and characterizations throughout a fic. It's mostly the later chapters where I feel like the description sort of dies down a bit.

The 'Thank You' was added in sort of to add upon the fact that even though 'Ms Blanc' had been kept as a prisoner in these horrible conditions, she was still above all these so called regal people around the table. I'm glad you noticed! :p

Gahhh thank you, honestly so made up to know that my description was OK! (like really really happy). I will definitely be making sure to maintain that for future chapters and may even rewrite a few pieces in here to take on your advice :)

I will admit, in my opinion, the plot branches out a bit (which is both good and meh) because that increases the chances of plot holes right?

I really hope you keep reading though, thank you for the lovely review :)

Bella x

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Review #7, by maraudertimes Chapter One

19th January 2014:
Ooh! This is interesting!

I'm wondering if this girl is in Slytherin, and if so, who exactly her parentage is. I wonder because she obviously knows Crabbe and Draco, and playing Wizard's Chess with a member of another house doesn't seem very... Slytherin-esque. So that's why I think she's in Slytherin!

But then, how is she not 'pure'? So many questions, so little time. I want answers!

Anyways, I'm excited to find out who this girl is, because I don't remember anyone from Harry's year whose last name is Blanc, so I'm excited to see how you integrate her into the HP canon-verse.

"The Holy Grail," well that's original... WHAT IS IT? What did she tell them? I want answers now!

In others news, I really liked how you used description to set the different scenes, and how the narrator was feeling. It was very well written and I commend you on that! :)

Great job, this is a very good start and I think you have the premise and talent to take this really far!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for agreeing to do the review swap! I';; get writing yours :)

I'm so so glad that you like this because I did have my reservations writing something a little bit too unorthodox, I mean the holy grail may not fit into HP entirely, but I'll try :P

I hope all the further chapters answer all your questions! And trust me, the Holy Grail is complicated in the context of LKTL but I did try to make it as simple as possible.

Thank for the lovely review :)

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Review #8, by TheMarauderChick Chapter One

8th January 2014:
Hello! It's Sankavi/&thereshegoes here for your requested review :)

So let's begin, yeah?

Plot: You start right off the bat making me wonder, who's this girl? Why is she chained up? Did she do something wrong? All these questions are what gets the plot moving. I feel like your pace was really good too, not too fast but also not too slow. You didn't bag us with too much description (which I'll come back to in a bit) and especially that cliffhanger ending ties up this chapter really well for a great start. I can't wait to see what you've got planned plot wise for the rest of the story! (I'm especially excited to see how the holy grail ties in)

Characterization: I love how you don't give us her name till the end, and not even her first name at that. It adds a mysterious effects to it :) The way you paint Jugson and Selwyn, ugh they just make me cringe. Just by describing the way they act, you bring out how vile they are, so yay!

Spelling/Grammar: This isn't really my forte, but I'll do my best! So, my first thing isn't really a spelling or grammar error per se. In you second paragraph, at the end, I feel like that last sentence would be much more dynamic without the 'I guess'. Just a thought :) Second, at "That's right" I could almost, there should be a comma after right. Like that, a lot of your dialogue doesn't have punctuation, so just make sure to go through and check every single dialogue bit :) (if you would like, send me a pm and I'd be happy to help!) That was all I could really catch grammar/spelling wise, and I'm not sure if that's cause you're just great at that, or I'm just terrible haha :P

So, description. Description is, at least for me, a terrifying beast that I haven't quite conquered, but it seems that you have. I know it can be hard to figure where the line between too much and not enough is, but I think you've found a good balance. The description goes at a really good pace and you're also not hounding the reader facts, which is good. The only thing I'd have to say on this is sometimes, and this happens when you've got huge chunks of description like at the beginning, I think you're trying to convey so much to the reader that you're a bit all over the place. Like when you're describing her being tied up, you talk about her head throbbing, but then her arms hurting, and then you're back up top to the neck, and then you move onto the back. I think that you could start at one spot and work your way from there. So in this scenario, that would mean talking about the head, then the neck, and then the arms/back. Ack, sorry if I'm not making any sense here :S But I think you get what I'm trying to say?

I really like this story though and I also like where it's headed. If you found my review helpful, totally rerequest!

-Sankavi ^_^

Author's Response: I'm so so sorry that I'm so late replying to this! Life's been so busy lately so it's been a little hard to keep up!

Wow, what a detailed review and I'm so grateful for that!

I'm glad you like the plot and if I'm 100% honest, half the time I don't even end up sticking to planned plot lines! I just go with it, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. Half of these chapters were supposed to be completely different!

Also, so happy wth your feedback on description! It's something I always always have trouble with! Sometimes I over describe and my words soundless like pointless babble.

Thank you so much again for the lovely review!

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Review #9, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter One

8th January 2014:
Hi! Review swap is so much fun!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. It was interesting, and different and I honestly had no idea what to expect.

As I read I really found myself wanting to know more and more about the main character and who she is, where she's from, why she's there. I think that the way you described her pain and thinking of emotional pain to get away really made everything so much more believable.

I think the strongest part of the story was the ending, she's walking through the manor and panicking because she must be on her way to die, now. And then she realizes that she's supposed to sit at this table with all of these people. And then she see's her classmates and she's ashamed. What's even better is when the woman comments about her looking like she's been tortured and I actually got a chill down my back.

I can't wait to find out what the holy grail is in this story, and what's going to happen now.

Great read! Thanks for the review swap!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: I am soo sorry that this is so late!

Very happy that you liked this because I had quite a few reservations because I thought it might just be way to intense for a first chapter, but it's good that you hopefully thought otherwise!

I hope you read on!

Thank you for the lovely review :)

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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter One

7th January 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the Twelfth Day of the Twelve Days of Reviewing.

Wow... This story is REALLY intense. Who is "Miss Blanc," and why is she being tortured by the Death Eaters? Why are they after this mysterious "Holy Grail?" Everything about this chapter, from start to finish, was very suspenseful and well done. You had me wanting to know more about what's going on in Malfoy Manor!

I certainly hope that Miss Blanc can escape from her imprisonment--the Death Eaters are TERRIBLE to her. I will definitely be coming back to read more of this later on! :)


Author's Response: Im so sorry this is a little late!

Intense? Wow thanks! I'm so so glad you liked it because I was starting to think maybe it was way to foreboding for a first chapter haha

I hope you read on!

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Review #11, by magnolia_magic Chapter One

27th December 2013:
Hi Bella! I'm here for our review swap! Thanks so much for taking me up on the offer, by the way :)

Intriguing opening! I've never read an OC story from this time period before, so I was glad for the chance to branch out a little. And I like your narrator so far. It's hard to get a sense of her character right away, since this chapter is so much about setting the scene of Malfoy Manor and dropping backstory hints. But I'm dying to find out more about her and about the Holy Grail! That's exactly what you want in an opening chapter, for your readers to be excited to read on. And I think you nailed it...there's a perfect amount of mystery and suspense!

Your descriptions of the Death Eaters are so sinister and spot-on. I'm pretty sure a shiver went down my spine when she walked into the dining room and saw all of them there. You did a really great job of setting up an ominous, suspenseful tone with this chapter, and the dining room scene was the strongest example of that.

Some minor CC: I think the description of the dungeon at the beginning could be cut a bit shorter. By the time we get to the dream sequence (which I loved, by the way), I sort of felt like the narrative was dragging a bit. That said, however, I think those descriptions are incredibly strong. I especially loved the sensory detail you included, like her hair being caught in the neck collar and itching. It's something I never would have thought about including, and it helps me get a great feel for the horror that the narrator is going through. So I'd suggest taking another look at that section: decide which statements are the most vibrant and contribute most to the tone you're setting, and just keep those :)

I'm really intrigued to find out more about your narrator, like I've said. Was she a Slytherin? A Mudblood? Possibly both? How did she know Crabbe and Malfoy? You did an awesome job of getting me on the hook, that's for sure! Thanks again for the swap, Bella! I really enjoyed this chapter a lot :)


Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm sorry for the late reply but I just havn't had much time (sigh)

Annyyywayy, I'm glad you liked the narration because I did find it slightly tedious, more so in coming chapters so it's always good to know that you thought otherwise!

Also, I did try to be as baleful as I could be with the characters but obviously I did not want to make them overly disturbing (even though some of them very well may be creepy sociopaths) So again, I'm glad that you liked the discription of them and oh my a shiver?! That's a compliment on my account I think haha :P

Also, I like the idea of cutting down on the quantity a bit, so maybe when I get around to editing all these chapters, I'll take that on board!

Thank for once again for such a lovely review!

Bella x

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Review #12, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Chapter One

22nd December 2013:
Hey there!

Here for the review swap :)

Wow this was very different kind of story! I was really shocked when I read the beginning... It wasn't anything like I expected. You kept a really good sense of mystery throughout, giving us only the bear minimum of information which I really loved, it definitely got my interest!

I thought you did a great job with the description. Particularly at the beginning when she is chained up! This in itself leads to many questions though. We got that she was a muggle born so that must be why she was captured, she must have some use though otherwise she would be dead. You revealed part of that at the end but as such a cliff hanger anyone would have to be crazy not to want to read on!

As for a little CC, nothing major but you get a little fixated on words and repeat them quite a lot. Ugly I noticed was used often as an example. It might be worth trying to change a few?

Great chapter though, you've really set the scene for a thrilling story! The whole thing had a nice flow about it making it easy to read, I look forward to reading more in the future!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm glad you like the fact that it is a little bit different because sometimes it feels like the due to it's plot being a little unorthodox, people may feel a little confused and discouraged to read on.

I'm also very happy that you like the description since I remember ripping my hair out over it :p I do realize that the mystery around the chapter may be discouraging to most but it's good that you saw that as a cliff hanger and wanted to read more :)

What's more, I am always open to CC and I do realize that repeating words is a big problem of mine. I will try my hardest to take that in consideration when I write more!

Thank you for the lovely review,


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Review #13, by Infinityx Chapter Two

22nd December 2013:
Hi there! Thanks for requesting a review on my thread!

I'm extremely intrigued to see where this story will lead to. The plot here is different from the other stories I've read and the start has been very well planned out as well. I also really like how you've only mentioned your character's surname. That increases the mystery that surrounds her.

I think you've done a good job with your characterization of Yaxley. He comes off as this cold, dominating, but also a stupid person.

You've definitely set the mood for the story well, with your descriptions of the manor and the dungeons. There were some things I felt could have been improved though.

First of all, the 'i's in the beginning of the chapter are not capitalized. It kind of interrupts the flow of the story. Also, you don't put a punctuation after your dialogues. For example "Well then I guess you are never going to find out" should have a full stop in this manner.. "Well then I guess you are never going to find out."
Another example.. "Have fun" he sneered. This dialogue should have a comma "Have fun," he sneered. If you have any trouble with this, there are tutorials available to help you out. :) I had some similar mistakes earlier, so I understand how dialogues can be.

While your character seems very mysterious, I think her background and how she came to be in this situation has to be established quite soon otherwise readers won't be able to connect to her character. I hope that comes up!

I also found this chapter a little rushed. Descriptions could have been stressed upon a bit more to give it a greater dark and eerie feel. One thing that I found was that you tend to write very short sentences in your narrative. I think if you lengthened certain sentences, (I don't mean everything. Mostly certain ones in descriptions) then the chapter wouldn't have seem so rushed, and it would have also built upon the setting.

You also seem to repeat certain things, and that interrupts the flow. For instance, following the line "I felt the familiar tug of my collar and yet again I was being dragged away by Jugson", you've repeated his name so many times in that same scene. You could have refrained from doing that by using "he" or by connecting a couple of sentences together.

I also found a few spelling mistakes which I'm not going to go into here as I'm sure you'll realize what I mean if you read through the chapter again. :)

Overall, I really love the way you've begun the story. Also, I forgot to mention earlier, I really like that character Liana that you brought into the first chapter. She seems like a slightly tamer version of Bellatrix and I'm actually hoping she plays a greater role in the chapters to come!

I'm sorry if the critiquing was a bit much, but I hope it was helpful. PM me if you have any questions about the review. :)

Happy writing and have a wonderful Christmas!


Author's Response: Hi there!

Wow, this was very fast, thank you :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it and took the time to read on to the second chapter. I will admit, I was iffy on whether or not I should have revealed more about the main character and I probably should have but I hope the later chapters clear up any confusion that you may have.

I appreciate the critique because that is the whole point of reviews! I was quite worried about the pace of the story so I'm glad that you pointed out on how I could improve, I will make sure to take all of that and use it to improve coming chapters. Also, I know that I need a BETA reader so I think that I should probably be getting around to that soon haha

Thank you so much for the lovely, fast and much needed review!!

Bella :)

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Review #14, by LilyLou Chapter Two

5th December 2013:
Here with our Review Swap!

I've read the first chapter before, and was intrigued, so your offering of a review swap gave me a good reason to keep reading this!

In the very beginning, and scattered throughout the story, there were a few times where you didn't capitalize the word "I". Just a little bit of critique before I go on about how great the chapter was;)

This was very interesting. I love how brave and stubborn you've written Miss Blanc to be, as well as cunning and clever. She's not stupid by any means, and knew how to weave her way through conversations with the Death Eaters without anything slipping out of her mouth and her giving away anything, or her being killed.

I'm interested in what's going to happen next. I want to know how or if she's going to escape, and how you're going to play out everything.

I can't wait to read more. Well done!


Author's Response: Hi there!

Sorry that this response is a little bit late ;/

I understand all of those grammatical errors and once the novel is finished, I will go back and get a BETA reader to sort all of that out :p

I'm glad you like my characterization of Imogen! I did try and make her as 'baddy' as I could so I'm glad it worked!

I hope you keep on reading! Thank you for the lovely review :)

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Review #15, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Twelve

4th December 2013:
Gah! I am so supposed to be working on Everto, but I can't help myself.

That's an interesting and very poetic way to describe a feeling (like a 'mark left on a table by a cold glass'). The descriptions are also very fantastic...all of them (Imogen's feelings, the physical surroundings of the cave, etc.)

They are completely out of their minds for venturing into a dragon's den. I almost want to cover my eyes because...well...dragon! Oh my, and it doesn't sleep, it's cunning, and it's powerful? That is terrifying and I am standing by my "they are completely out of their minds" statement.

Ah! I always love how artistic your writing is! "Alive, hungry and monstrous" as a description of the water in the crevice below was positively beautiful.

I absolutely love the premise that Tribus can look into people's hearts to see what they most desire! That's really awesome.

Split up to cover more ground? Er...I agree with Draco. Hooray, so does Imogen. His plan had much more...survival chance.

The entire, "part of me is made of glass" is really lovely. I am truly in love with the way you write (and very jealous of your descriptors), if you hadn't drawn that conclusion yet.

Oh, the scene between Draco and Imogen was fabulous. I have no idea what is happening to Imogen, but it is quite intense. She stabbed him? Wow, things became a bit scary there.

This chapter seemed to fly by with all of the action and everything that happened. I had to go check and see how long it was! It certainly didn't feel like nearly 6k words. This was awesome! AND they killed the dragon! :D

I can't wait for the next one!


Author's Response: Ahh I love your reviews so I am so sorry for the late response!

I'm so so happy that you liked the chapter because I felt like it moved way way way to fast, just like you said about the word count. It felt like to me that the description was left out of it and that not showing them actually kill Tribus made the chapter slightly flawed but hey, I can always go back and edit ;p

Thank you soo much for the lovely review!

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Review #16, by LilyLou Chapter One

4th December 2013:
Review Swap!

Oooh, suspenseful. Extremely so. This seems like such an interesting story. Your use of words an imagery was fascinating and kept me reading on, interested in what was to happen to next. The girl is very interesting as well. I don't believe you revealed her first name, only that her surname is Blanc? That keeps the suspense going.

Your writing was fantastic and I might be back to read some more!

Great job!


Author's Response: Hi there!,
I'm very very happy that you liked it! I did try an create an element of mystery with the chapter which is almost a prologue, so I'm glad I did what I wanted to achieve!

Thank you so much for the lovely review :)

Bella x

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Review #17, by True Author Chapter Two

30th November 2013:
Here for our Review Swap!

Another awesomely descriptive chapter! I just love how you describe Malfoy Manor in both the chapters. Your descriptions were very proportionate and believable with a slight touch of darkness. They are very effective here too. Great job!

I liked Yaxley's characterisation here too. He seems icy cold just like he's supposed to be in the books. I always find difficult to write such characters and I am trying to write some for Through The Darkest, so your Yaxley sounded very impressive to me. =]

There's just one little thing I'd like to say. I think you should tell us more about your OC and her connection to Holy Grail as soon as you can. Reading about her tortures and imprisonment only might get boring in future chapters. I just thought you should move the plot forward as soon as you can. :)

I also spotted a few grammatical errors (I make them too) like you wrote 'i instead of I and all. But they're minor though!

Overall, this is a very gripping dark story. I can't wait to find more about Holy Grail and her connection to it. :)
Hope I wasn't harsh!


Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm very glad that you liked the do scripting aspects of things and the way I characterization Yaxley. Honestly, I just tried to think of the most horrible man I could and tried to put him into a story haha

Also, I promise in chapter 3 you will find out everything you need to know and also in the chapters after that.

Thank you for the review!

Bella x

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Review #18, by Penelope Inkwell Chapter Two

30th November 2013:
I’m back! : D

So, obviously I couldn’t resist coming back for more. I must say, your MC has chutzpah. The fact that she’s been able to keep it together in the face of this torture is impressive, especially since you don’t tiptoe around it in vague terms. You show it happening, and the signs of it having happened in the past. And she obviously has suffered, but she’s clearly a very strong person with a lot of control over her mind. I am so curious about this secret she is suffering for. If it isn’t the Grail, but it grants immortality, whatever could it be?! It sounds like she’s got a plan, which I also respect. She’s good at keeping it together, despite the incredibly challenging circumstances. That’s admirable. So far, I like her.

I enjoyed the content of this chapter, but I couldn’t help but notice it seemed a bit more rushed than the last one. There were quite a few capitalization and grammar errors, which was a bit distracting. Sometimes I wouldn’t even make much of a note of that, but you have such a *lovely* core to your story, I hate to see it tarnished by little things. It seems to me that you’re churning out this story quickly, which is probably why (though I know that, as a reader, I certainly appreciate fast updates!) If you have a Beta look at it, I’m sure they could correct those little blips for you quite quickly, so this story can really shine as it deserves.

And I’m a bit of a grammar nazi, so there is that ; )

It was a very intriguing update and I am eager to know what happens next and where Draco comes into all this. I have every intention of reading onward. I’ve got to find out what on earth is going on with this secret!

Oh, and congratulations on your recent engagement! That’s awesome! So happy for you!


Author's Response:

Our Imogen is a strong one isn't she? Atleast I hoped she would be! Way back from when this story was merely a few paragraphs of character drafts, I decided that she was going to be one heck of a girl. She's emotionally stronger and put together than most of my characters anyway :) however, she may come to falter in bravery in coming chapters but there's nothing too bad that our Imogen can't stand. So respectively, she does have a plan for the object she's hiding.

I do understand what you mean when you say that it's rushed. When I read through this and other chapters I did realise that the pace of them did sound slightly rushed. Hopefully, I will be able to go back and edit them soon!

Thank you so much for the review and the congratulations!

Bella x

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Review #19, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Eleven

29th November 2013:
Draco being a leader is very fun for me (I don't know why). I especially enjoyed that he told the rest of them that they could not take a break.

Oh, I especially enjoyed this line: "a hill amongst many other hills." I found it quite poetic. It is the perfect amount of description to make the line very pretty. Then, of course, the rest of the paragraph had beautiful imagery. The word choice here "sun had tilt and spilt and rained down onto the earth, too lazy to clean itself up" was especially breathtaking. It reminded me of how somebody would describe a painting. And evidently it WAS a painting in Marla's kitchen ^.^. Good call, Rumpel.

Ooo...Transylvania and dragons. Things always get interesting when concerning Transylvania OR dragons. I can imagine that both will cause especially interesting situations.

I laugh when Arian called Draco's ego a "fascinating monster." :p

Word games are always entertaining, so I'm glad that Imogen decided to play one.

"She was out of frying pans..." oh man :D. That was funny.

Wow, the information provided about Marla's mother was disturbing. It sounds like depression to the point of mental instability, but I promise I will not psychoanalyze your character. It was very interesting to read.

The back story for Imogen's mother is also interesting. It's very romantic and I love romance (as well as action and adventure). I am curious to learn more about it.

There is a significant amount of information in this chapter. I find that sometimes, when I try to provide a lot of information, I tend to cause some confusion with the readers. That, to me, makes it even more impressive that all of the information is provided with an astounding amount of clarity :D!

The kingdom of Erebus? Oh this is exciting! You've even delved into some mythology? You've reduced me to squee-ing!!

I love that the drags have hunting hours. It would make sense that they would look for food during specific times, as most creatures do. And I just want to say that domesticating dragons sounds like a particularly dangerous hobby. But more power to Nikolas if that's what he's into. :)

This made me laugh, too, "I didn’t get nearly enough credit in life for the times I managed not to die."

"Ladies first"? Baha...way to be a brave leader, Draco.

Between the dead wolf carcasses and they exchange of "I like your wolf", you had me laughing so hard that my fiance had to come and make sure I was okay. I think he was concerned for my mental health :).

This line, "the sound of raw power" was really beautiful as well. For such a small sentence, it has great impact.

This story is so incredibly unique while still tying into the HP world effortlessly. It is promising me adventure with a dragon! But I suppose I'll have to wait until the next chapter for "scaly's" appearance :).

I love this so much! *hugs chapter*


Author's Response:
*sqeee I love your reviews!

I'm glad you're liking Draco; I feel like he's not getting the attention he deserves from me when it comes to writing him properly. Also, I'm glad you enjoyed the imagery and discription too even thought I will admit, the poetry and the picture link in Marla's living room as an accidental link but I'm glad it fit in! Haha

Transylvania and dragons...hmm..whatever could go wrong? :p

I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter though; It was my favourite one to write!!

I hope to put chapter 12 in the queue tonight!!

Bella x

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Review #20, by True Author Chapter One

28th November 2013:
Here for our Review Swap! :D

Ooh, I'm so impressed by the description you've put here. The descriptions were beautiful and effective, and some of them gave me the chills. You have set up everything nicely here without letting much information about the plot here.

I am very curious about your OC. I'm eager to know more about her background and why she is a prisoner at Malfoy Manor. It looks like this story is set during DH? I wonder if we'd see Luna and Ollivander at some point...

Holy Grail! Wow, it looks like this is going to be very different and thrilling story. Malfoy Manor, a prisoner, lots of Death Eaters and Holy Grail. What more can a huge mystery fan like me ask for? ;)

This was really a great read. Good job!

Ashwini :D

Author's Response: Hi there!

Oh wow, thank you so much for saying you like it and about the description which is always something I worry about! This story is set after DH so Luna and Ollivander didn't show up.yet.

I hope you stick around!

Bella x

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Review #21, by Penelope Inkwell Chapter One

27th November 2013:
Wow. You really know how to set the mood. That was my favorite part, I think. I could really see all the dungeons, and the pain, and the grime, and the fear. That was then perfectly juxtaposed by the upper floors of the manor. It was beautifully done.

The part where Jugson is toying with her is well-executed, too. I felt fear for her, disgust for him, and such total horror at her conditions, even though we’re barely into the story. And, I mean, you’d hope anyone would be disgusted at the thought of someone being treated like that, but not every writer can really make you *feel* it as you do.

Really, you’ve done the best thing any writer can do in a first chapter--you’ve intrigued me enough that I want (and intend) to read the second : )

As for CC, I pretty much always include it, but I am notoriously nitpicky : ) Anything I can say is really grammatical. The story itself is unfolding very nicely in this first chapter, and I really enjoyed it. I certainly want to read more.

There are several sentences that should really be split into two, rather than being connected by commas. A few other places that need commas but don’t have them. That’s also true of quotes. For instance, “’Mudbloods' Liana shrugged.” should be “Mudbloods,” Lianna shrugged.

Also, the word ‘jeering’ is used a bit too frequently--enough to stand out. It’s a great word, though. Maybe consider replacing one or two of them with “taunt” or “sneer”?

Oh, and when your OC describes the trees as, "Taller and meaner than I was,” I don’t know exactly what it is about it, but it struck me as just brilliant.

Very nice beginning. I’ve got to do a review for someone else, but then I’ll have to come back and read more of this. That ending? Totally threw me for a loop! I have *got* to find out what they mean by that!


Author's Response: Hi there!

Oh wow, thank you so much for such a detailed review, I will definitely be going back and writing another one for yours!

I'm glad you like the description side of things because when I first posted the chapter a good few months ago, I did feel like maybe it was lacking.

Also, I felt slightly repulsed myself when I was writing Jugson and I did try my hardest to think of a very disgusting, irreverent man and so this side of Jugson was born.

Also, I really do think that 'Sneered' does sound a lot better than 'jeered' and so the next time I edit this chapter, probably when the novel is finished and I re-write small parts of it, then I will deffinitly be adding that in, as well as the shorter sentences!

Honestly, thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lovely review!

Bella x

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Review #22, by toomanycurls Chapter Nine

27th November 2013:
Oh wow, I love the flow and beauty you capture in the beginning of this chapter. The imagery you use nudges the story on and sets a haunting mood for the chapter.

Poor Arian - you describe his episode extremely well. The terror Imogen felt came through very well and caused me to feel the same panic she did. I quite liked that she was able to recall how to help him!

Visions, hmm, this could be interesting. It's always so sad to see what sacrifices people make because they have visions. In Arian's case it's the siezures. :(

It's exciting to have Draco's POV. You switch voices very well. It can be hard to jump to another person like that.

I love how you write Draco. He's funny, intilligent, and a touch on the mean side. I love this line 'She called me selfish and egotistic and in the end, she won.' It's just so lovely and curt.

His insights on the difference between death eaters and other people was beautiful and so insightful.

Wait, Travers? Like the death eater? I'm suspicious. O.o She's definitely not who she says she is.

Her story is full of holes! Why are they trusting her??!!

well, at least Imogen is not completely trusting her.

Dementors and yaxley, oh my.

I have to say, I've seen such growth and maturity with your writing style in this story. It's really exciting to see that (in addition to the exciting story) while reading this fic.


Author's Response: Ahh, I always love your reviews because they really are so lovely to read.

I'ts so nice to hear that you liked the imagery at the beginning of the chapter because I was so worried that maybe it was just a tad too much but I'ts good to know that it wasn't.

I have to say, I do feel bad for Arian too but maybe he'll become more stronger as the chapters go on? Also, I'm very happy to hear that you liked me putting Draco's POV in there because I was worried it might have been slightly risky!

As with Marla..all shall be revealed in time ;)

Haha, thank you once again for such a nice review :)

Bella x

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Review #23, by marauderfan Chapter One

24th November 2013:
Hi! Here for our review swap :)

This is a very powerful opening chapter! It starts off right in the thick of the action and raises a lot of questions. How did she get there? Why do they want her? And how does the Holy Grail tie in? (Side note: That is awesome. I love legend stuff like that and it's neat to see it appearing in HP.)

I really like the narrative style. The character (who at this point doesn't actually have a first name, but I think that adds to the effect) mentions something about haunting memories in the beginning, and for most of the chapter I'm not sure whether it's the memory or the present action. And that's really well done because I would imagine that after being stuck in the Malfoys' cellar for four months, you would lose track of time and reality. So, I liked the vague nature of the narration.

I'm really excited to see where this goes - it's not often that I find something set during the war and showing the darkest side of it, and the interactions between all the Death Eaters (you wrote the Death EAters well!)

Great job on this, and I look forward to reading more! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I'm glad you like the vague sense of the chapter as I did want it to mimic a type of 'going in and out of consciousness' type of feeling as I wrote from the OC's point of view. I actually didn't even realise at all that I hadn't included the OC's name until after I had the chapter BETA'd and published; I tend to make silly mistakes like that all the time.

I'm so pleased you likes this though and I hope you read on!

Bella x

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Review #24, by lindslo2012 Chapter One

24th November 2013:
Hi there!
This is an amazing story and I can't wait to read more.
I am also writing a Draco/OC but I doubt mine will be anywhere as good as yours!!
You are such a talented, amazing writer and I will defidently read on! ;)

Author's Response: Hi there! Oh wow thank you so much for that lovely review!!

I wish you all the best with your story!

Bella x

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Review #25, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter Ten

22nd November 2013:
Hooray, an update!

Whoever "they" are, they have the tendency to say a lot of things, don't they? :p

I genuinely love the way you write; you always create such beautiful images. For example, "take glory in decay and despair" was absolutely stunning. It is a feat to turn something dark, or even gruesome, into something breathtaking while still being able to maintain its element of horror. I really appreciate things like this (thrive off of it, really); it's like art or poetry.

Draco's characterization is really developing nicely as, of course, is Imogen's.

Yes, actually, that was a very wise comment ("nature never allowed a truly immortal being to exist without a weakness"), I really like that line.

Just a thought, don't give the crazy lady seeking immortality the stones! Yay! She said no! :)

This chapter was definitely action-y, and I loved it. I know from experience that action can be difficult to write, but it appears that you did not have an issue with it :).

Excited for adventure!


Author's Response: Hi there!,

I always look forward to your reviews as they really are lovely and make my day! I am so very glad and grateful that about the way you feel about my writing. To say that it is almost art or poetry is just one of the best compliments ever; I would never ever think that away about my writing!

Also, I be damned when Liana gets her hands on those stones! Haha, thank you so much for being such a lovely reader and reviewer :)

Bella :)

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