Reading Reviews for Truth Will Out
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by milominderbinder Breathe.

27th September 2014:
story search round one! Wow this was great! I ADORE the book speak so i was super excited to read this seeing it was inspired by it. You really captured the dark feeling of helplessness about not being able to speak up when you want to, and that momentary relief that comes with finally speaking up even if only a little. this story was beautifully done! ♥

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Review #2, by Ravenclaw Secret Santa Breathe.

17th December 2013:
Happy Christmas! Here with a review gift for you.

I thought it was quite original, and a good take on Next Gen. I kind of wish it had been longer - I'd like to see Samantha be vindicated and Frank punished - but the uncertainty factor of the ending is a great choice narrative-wise.

Your grammar is excellent. I noticed some recurring punctuation errors, which I address below. I really enjoyed how natural your dialogue was, and how easily you wrote inside your original character's head. She felt very real. Excellent character-building there. Using the present tense to write the story in gives it immediacy, and I think that was a good choice here. There's a constant feeling of your heart being in your throat, which is how the character is feeling. Her internal narrative is excellent, too - she's scared and hurt and doesn't know how to handle herself, and I think that's very realistic. She's an interesting character.

I like that you put Rose in Ravenclaw, since Hermione was nearly a Ravenclaw herself. You handled the Next Gen Weasleys well, and the canon characters (McGonagall and the portraits in her office) were spot-on. You definitely have a flair for getting in a character's head, and that really helps the story roll right along.

Since you specifically asked for some constructive criticism, here's a bit of beta-reading for you.

For the punctuation issues:
Remember that punctuation accompanying a dialogue tag should be a comma, not a period. For example:
((("I hate you." mouths Dom.)))
((("Sorry." I say.)))

Both of those should end in a comma. Like so:
((("I hate you," mouths Dom.)))
((("Sorry," I say.)))

If you use a dialogue tag (he said, she exclaimed, etc), the end punctuation inside your dialogue should be a comma.

When you use an ellipsis (...), you need a space at the end of it.
(((and your potion... I really expect)))
rather than
(((and your potion...I really expect)))

You have a few run-on sentences that could use a comma or semicolon to break them up, but overall your style is very good and reads easily.

Then a few small usage and spelling errors:
It should be "in a vegetative state", not "in a vegetable state".

You misspelled "veela" as "veala".

(((a witch who had ran away and deserted the magical world))) should be "who had run away".

You used both Rowing and Rowings to name the professor. If her name is Rowings, the possessive form would be either Rowings' or Rowings's. Either is correct, so the spelling rule is basically just to pick one and roll with it so it's used consistently throughout.

Titles are only capitalized when being used as a proper noun - so Professor McGonagall, but "every professor". Same for names. "Mum" when you're addressing her or referring to her by name, but when using a pronoun it's simply "my mum" or "your dad".

And as a final note, the quote you used is actually not from the book. It's from the movie.

Overall, 9/10, really great job!

Author's Response: I am thinking of extending it but I've been having difficulty writing chapter 2. For now, it's going to remain a one shot but I hope to eventually finish the story!

Thanks for the compliments on my characterization! Thanks also for the beta notes-I appreciate that as well. Whoever you are, you're really good at proof reading. I'll look into making the changes! :)



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Review #3, by blackballet Breathe.

6th September 2013:
I'm here for the review battle!

This is so great! I've been seeing people raving about it on the forums, and I'm so happy I got a chance to review. I was trying to think of all the Next-Gen characters it could be, and I'm glad you made a new one (Frank the II).

It was actually really unexpected and I was very satisfied. There was one word I noticed, Veala instead of Veela, but I'm sure someone has already pointed that out and you just haven't gotten around to it.

I liked your characterization of everyone, and I almost wish this was a story! I want to know your characters more from this. Her progression was awesome throughout this, and I think it would be even better in a longer story. From her doubt that anyone would believe, to the belief in the muggle saying.

You're also just a great writer! So, great job I would say. Have fun in the battle!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this lovely review, it made me day reading it :)

Ugh, yeah I noticed it. My beta just got done editing this so I'll post an updated version with Veela instead of Veala soon. Thanks for pointing it out though!

I am prolonging this to a short story series...I think that's what it's called. The next chapter will be in Frank's POV and then there will be one final chapter.

That's the nicest compliment ever so thank you :)


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Review #4, by True Author Breathe.

5th September 2013:
Hello! Here from Ravenclaw review battle! :)

I really loved the summary and it just dragged me in. So first of all, a big applause for your summary! Good and catchy summaries are very important in my opinion so I'm glad you're doing a great job.

I liked Samantha a lot. She's in character throughout the story and did make me feel for her. The twist was amazing! I didn't see a villian "Longbottom" at all... :P

Good job!

Ashwini

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Glad to know my summary is doing it's job!

The next chapter is all about Frank so keep on reading, I should have it done soon. :)

--Emmy


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Review #5, by Haronione Breathe.

2nd September 2013:
This was a brilliant one-shot and I really enjoyed reading it :)

Firstly, your characterisation on Samantha was great. You dealt with her emotions and psychological state brilliantly and you made me really feel for her. She has been through a horribly traumatic experience and then been seen as the villain, losing all her friends and at the same time trying to deal with the guilt that it was her fault that Albus was hurt. Her reactions to all of this were very realistic and believable.

In the flashback she thinks to herself that she is the worst kind of Gryffindor. I actually think she is quite brave to return to Hogwarts and face all the hatred and accusations, when all she needs (and deserves) is a friend to help her through it. Poor Samantha! I completely understand why she keeps quiet and doesn't tell anyone the truth though, thinking she is protecting her family and friends, when really she is protecting the villain!

And gah!! I was not expecting an evil Longbottom! Fantastic twist, that totally blew me away, who would have thought it! And your characterisation of this evil Longbottom was great. But I would be very interested to find out why he has become the person he is in this fic! I saw in your authors note that you are writing Frank's POV now, I will definitely return to read it when it's up :)

Now, I saw a couple of little typos/mistakes in here: '... flips her perfect white Veala hair in my direction.' This should be Veela. '...I didn't want to accidentally misfire and injury one of them' this should be injure. But these are just little things I noticed and I thought I'd point them out as I know that sometimes when editing these little things can be missed (I know I do!) :)

I felt this one-shot was very well written and I enjoyed reading it! Really well done! I look forward to reading Frank's POV when it's up :)

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: Thanks so much for pointing out those typos! Eek! I'll get them fixed right away.

I'm really glad you liked it-- this is a wonderful review :) This POV was a bit different for me but I'm glad it was effective in showing how she reacted to the traumatic events.

Very good point about being a Gryffindor. She is far braver than she realizes and bravest of all when she finally decided to speak up.

Oh Longbottom, I'm just about ready to send his chapter to be validated. Hope it lives up to all the hype :)

Thanks so much for your great review!


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Review #6, by marauderfan Breathe.

28th August 2013:
Hello there! Here with your requested review.

Wow - this is quite different to anything I've read, so thanks for requesting!

To answer your questions, I think you are giving enough information. It's just enough. Personally I like things that are vague and open-ended, and this piece fits the bill. You did a great job at exploring Samantha's emotions - while I wanted to just tell her "it's fine, just tell the truth! they'll believe you!", I understand that it's from her slanted point of view and she's blaming herself. I think you did a remarkable job writing that.

The ending is excellent. I love that she got her inspiration from Dumbledore and particularly Snape, who was seen as evil his whole life but wasn't - she and Snape have a connection there (though hopefully people didn't see Samantha as evil for her whole life!)

I think the one thing I'd have liked to see more of is why Frank did that - what made him that way. But you mentioned in your authors note that you're thinking of adding that in, so maybe my thoughts on that are superfluous. Anyway, I think a section in Frank's POV (or another chapter?) would be a great addition. Or not. It does stand well on its own as an insight into a terrified character. (Hope that made sense... I did sort of contradict myself :P)

There were a couple of minor spelling/grammar issues but I think a once-over should clear those up nicely. Overall, really well done on this story! Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your amazing review--I really appreciate it!

You're the first person to comment on Snape, so thanks! A lot commented on Dumbledore but really, it was Snape that made her realize that she had to be brave and tell what really happened that night. (To be honest the ending was my favorite part to write so I'm glad someone else appreciates it too :)

I am working on Ch. 2 which will be in Frank's POV. Hopefully that will clear up on questions you may have!

Ugh. I feel like I have edited this quite a bit but no piece is ever complete! I do have a beta for this however so I'll make sure and have both of us double check for any errors.

Thanks again for such a wonderful review :)



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Review #7, by missclaire17 Breathe.

27th August 2013:
oh my gosh, so I was browsing through the thread in the forums for Story Title Help and I saw your story, and decided to check it out.

I'm so glad that I decided to read it! It seems crazy, Frank Longbottom being the one responsible. I can certainly understand why the Potters and Weasleys act like the way they do to her because if I thought Samantha did it, then I would too. I think it's even worse that it's FRANK. Like, not because of who his parents were but because he's a FRIEND of theirs. I think its horrible.

Anyways. Awesome chapter. I'm really glad that she has told SOMEONE about what really happened. I like that it's McGonagall (and Dumbledore's portrait) that she trusted in. I believe that "truth will out" as well.

I'll be waiting for your next update ^^

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you decided to check it out :)

I'm working on Ch.2 now. I gave in to peer pressure (haha) and am extending this to show Frank's POV and some of the aftermath from Samantha's POV.

I really don't think there is anything that would ever justify why Frank did what he did but yes, ch. 2 will definitely give more of a background story.

Thanks again for the lovely review. Hope to hear from you again soon :)



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Review #8, by DracoAndTheMalfoys Breathe.

26th August 2013:
Found this story on TDA :D
It's amazing and just really good!
I'd really love to read more, so yeah, hopefully a short story (at least)?

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked it :)

I can't promise I'll make this into a short story but I am planning on Frank's POV for a one shot.





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Review #9, by silverashes Breathe.

22nd August 2013:
Stop, no. You cannot make this just a one-shot. You're going to absolutely kill me. Please, please, please write more. I think my internal organs will implode if you don't write more! I'm in love all the way up to my eyeballs. I'm at a loss for words. This was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Take every positive adjective and insert them right here _. I literally cannot even form words anymore. I think I'm going to have to read this again. This deserves so much praise, but here I am babbling because I'm just too excited. I hope you can feel my excitement and love for this story! Please write more(:

10/10

xx Rachel

Author's Response: This is positively, hands down the nicest review I've ever received :) Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm absolutely floored and I'm smiling so big right now!

I was so nervous to post this so it means the world to me that it's being received so well.

I think Samantha's message is a powerful one. It's about facing her fears and speaking out. It's about learning to fight back and taking back the night. To me, the real ending is that Samantha did all of the above.

I can't promise I'll make this into a short story but I will do Franks POV and hopefully that will tie up any loose ends from this story.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing :)


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Review #10, by May Breathe.

22nd August 2013:
MOREEE IT WAS SO GOOD!

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked it :)

I can't promise that I'll extend the story but I will do Frank's POV and hopefully that will tie up any loose ends.

--Emmy


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Review #11, by academica Breathe.

22nd August 2013:
Hello, here with your requested review :)

I thought you did a great job with the psychological elements of this story. I can tell that you researched some symptoms in developing your main character and exploring her reactions to what she's been through. The symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress seemed to make sense, and I liked how you blended them all together in this one-shot to create a portrait of a truly disturbed girl. For example, I really liked the theme of "breathe" that you threaded throughout the story, including in the chapter title. I also felt like the flashback was folded in pretty seamlessly and didn't seem to interrupt the flow of the story.

When you first requested this, I was very intrigued by the summary and curious about how you would make it work as a one-shot with such a mysterious premise. I thought you did a nice job giving enough details to fill in the skeleton of the story without bogging the story down with excessive information, as some authors tend to do. For example, the way Samantha described Frank II as being the son of a man who conquered a Basilisk was a great demonstration of how big Neville's legend has become.

The one thing that I felt was still a bit wanting was an explanation of why Frank II was so evil. I couldn't help but remember Draco, who was clearly an antagonist but couldn't muster up the courage to murder someone; it seems like it would take a lot for someone to so callously ruin another person's life. I think the story would benefit from some more back story in that regard, perhaps by making this a two-shot and letting us explore Frank's POV in the aftermath of Samantha's confession. (Maybe she could even get a happy ending, poor girl!)

I didn't spot any technical errors, so that's a good thing, and as I mentioned the flow was pretty good here. I liked the theme of Samantha taking power back in spite of her "shameful" half-blood heritage. Overall, I think you did a nice job with the story.

Hope this review is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Wow, I'm floored. Thank you so much for your amazing review! I was so nervous about posting this so I'm really glad it's gone over so well.

You're right about Frank and it seems like a lot of people want to know his story! I do have his story and will probably make it into another one shot that could be a stand alone piece or a sequel to this one.

Again, thank you so much! Your review was incredibly helpful! :)


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Review #12, by Bec Breathe.

20th August 2013:
i really, really liked this story. it turned out so much better than i thought it would (not that i thought it'd be bad,this just isn't the kind of story i usually read). this story was a great read and i would really love to read more about Samantha's story

Author's Response: I'm glad you took a chance on my story and ended up liking it :)

I can't promise that I'll extend this into anything longer than a one shot but I am planning something for Frank.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #13, by 800 words of heaven Breathe.

19th August 2013:
Hey, there. Here with your review request! Don't worry about asking a reviewer to look for certain things. It helps me focus, and shows that you're being critical of your writing, in the hopes to improve it, which is always heartening to see.

I was super intrigued by your summary. It's not something that I'd usually read, but nonetheless, I'm happy to give it a go, especially if you've tried out something new. Also, just fair warning, I write a running review, so excuse me if I get a little rambly. Also, my first guess about whom she's protecting is James Potter!

So far, I think the story is great. I'm enjoying reading Samantha's thoughts, although there's very little input of her personality. I know what she's seeing, but I don't really have any idea as to what she's feeling. There's nothing that defines her voice as uniquely hers, if you get my meaning. I think something that would help with this is some description. I suck at description myself, so I'm always on the lookout for it. It's something that really livens up your writing. I understand that you're trying to show things as they happen filtered through Samantha, but describing the things that she's likely to focus on is going to add more complexity to the character. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about it, just that I'd like to see some character development.

Oh, my goodness! I was not expecting that! Ah, the poor thing! Her numbness is starting to make a lot more sense now. And plot twist! That's one mystery solved. So what if I was wrong? This is way better! I love this sort of drama!

Oh, I adore that McGonagall offered her a biscuit! I am taking this as a sign that we might get some resolution!

Okay, just to wrap things up because I've rambled for some time. Yes, the flow is a little choppy (but not nearly as bad as the flow of this review), but it's not too bad. If you decide to extend this, then perhaps revisiting the transitions could be something that you consider. On that note, I actually really like this at the one-shot length. For me, it gives me the freedom to imagine my own ending, making this a rather interactive experience between author and reader. Overall, I quite enjoyed this story, even though this review makes it sound like I didn't - it's not like that, I promise! This was a very good read!

Author's Response: Aww I love your review, it was so much fun to read :) It was great how you showed me your reactions as you read my piece.

I'm glad my writing style made sense as you continued to read. I do think it needs to be tweaked a little and I'll eventually get around to editing it again.

The McGonagall scene was fun to write. I thought if anyone would be able to help Samantha it would be her. She does have close ties to the Potters but her students alway come first.

Thanks SO much for your lovely review--I really appreciate it!


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Review #14, by ChaosWednesday Breathe.

19th August 2013:
hey! I found this link in the forums and thought I'd have a look!

Congrats on trying something new, such stories are always more fun!

I think your story brings up a lot of interesting themes. First, the guilt and fear that many victims face. Her fears that Frank may hurt her family might seem a bit unfounded (he is just a teenager with no gang of hard boiled killers that follows him as far as I could tell). But considering what happened, I can imagine that she would feel trapped and helpless, and fearing just about any sort of threat.

Also, it's interesing how the power relationships have developed, with children of former heroes being granted social power and feeling tempted to misuse it.

In response to you A/N, I'd say that you can create both a one-shot and chaptered story out of this. But, in my opinion, for a one-shot you would need to adjust the tone of the story to something more consistent (for example not so many "ugh"s and humorous moments right after such a devastating flashback). If you end the story here, you would probably need to insert some hints at what will happen after she tells the truth, so as to give the story more weight.

If you make a chaptered fic, then I'd advise you to spread the reveal over several chapters and to build up Frank's character. I hope that helps!

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to read and review-I really appreciate it!

The OC is just a teenager when this happens so while an adult may not take his threat seriously, she most certainly would. In her eyes, if he can get away with what he did to AL and her, what else can he get away with?

Frank is definitely an interesting character study and I'm planning on doing a one shot on just his character.

Thanks for your opinion! I'll definitely take some of it into consideration.


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Review #15, by MC_HK Breathe.

19th August 2013:
First, to address your concerns. I've also read the book, and I do quite like this kind of twist on the plot you've done. I think it's very well executed and that it is interesting. The feelings of your OC are awesome, I feel the kind of emptiness and sadness she's feeling. I do think that this is a great one-shot, and since you ended it on such a strong note, I think that if you added more chapters it would kind of weigh it down. Unless you change the structure of it all, I believe this should definitely be a one-shot.

I didn't see much as far as CC goes. The only thing I would say is that this sentence needs a bit of work: Yes, No. I mumble. I cant.

I think that if you split it up a bit, it would flow a lot better. Right now it feels disjointed, like it was hurriedly put in to the story last minute.

Other than that, this is lovely, and I look forward to more of your stories because you are quite the author! MC_HK

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I think I have decided to keep it a one shot. I feel like my main point was to show her pushing her fear aside and 'speaking up', which she did. To me, that is the ending.

I will be doing some editing for this and will try different ways of writing that sentence so it reads better. Thanks for pointing it out!

That's such a nice compliment because I think you're an amazing author yourself! Thanks again :)



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Review #16, by 1917farmgirl Breathe.

19th August 2013:
Wow! That was such an emotional and interesting story! Samantha's plight really drew me in. Such an awful and horribly wrong thing to have happen to begin with, and then what happened to Al, and it being blamed on her... Such strong emotions!

I have to applaud your ingenuity and BRAVERY for making the boy who caused all of this Neville's son. I NEVER saw that coming, and not many people, myself included, would be willing to take one of the Harry Potter Heroes and have one of their children be bad. That takes guts.

There was only one thing I noticed you might want to change. You referred to Ginny as Ginny Weasley...but by this time she was surely Ginny Potter. Probably should change that.

And yes, I would be very interested in seeing where this story goes. If Samantha gets the help she most surely needs, as well as the forgiveness she deserves. If Al is going to be okay. And what happens to Frank. (Poor Neville is going to be torn apart.)

Nice job! Wonderful original character you've got here!

Author's Response: You know, I've re-read this about a hundred times and I never caught that I called Ginny a Weasley and not a Potter. Thanks for catching that, I'll definitely edit it!

I think to me, what makes Frank's character so interesting is that he's the perfect villain. No one would ever EVER suspect Neville's son of doing something so awful. In a lot of ways, he's similar to Tom Riddle. Tom was handsome, popular and well liked. When he framed Hagrid, no one even thought twice about it.

There are many psychological reason's behind why Frank turned out the way he did and I'll explore some of them in another story. Stay tuned!

Thank you so much for reviewing and for your kind words!


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Review #17, by magnolia_magic Breathe.

19th August 2013:
Hi! I'm here for our swap; thanks so much for taking me up on it! I actually saw this in the recently added list when you first posted it, and the summary really intrigued me. So I'm very glad I got the chance to read it!

I absolutely love your writing style here. The narrative feels almost disjointed and broken; enough to mirror Samantha's pain, but not so much that it detracts from flow. I thought it all flowed very well, even when you changed tenses and used flashbacks. I never had trouble following the story, and each transition was seamless. Great job there!

I have to admit that I find it hard to believe that the Potters wouldn't at least ask Samantha for her side of the story. They seem like they'd be fair people; especially Harry, who's been framed for so many things in his lifetime. Surely they would at least be interested in hearing what she had to say, even if she was too afraid to tell them? And Frank's cruelty absolutely shocked me; I'm dying to know how Neville's son turned into such a monster. Hopefully those questions will be answered in future chapters! (You are planning on continuing this, right? I'd love to read on!)

It's hard for me to choose a favorite scene, but the flashback to the party is a strong contender for sure. You described Samantha's fear in such a real, visceral way, and Frank was insanely creepy. I think I actually physically winced as I read his dialogue; the word "monster" is quite accurate for him, I think. That was just such a vivid scene, and I was impressed with the emotion you got across in relatively few words. So I think I'm going with that one as my favorite, although I loved the opening scene in the Potions classroom as well. I was completely engrossed in Samantha's world, and her everyday experience at Hogwarts.

One other thing I loved about this: you didn't give everything away right at the beginning. You let things unfold, gave us a look at Samantha's life and let us wonder what on earth she had done (and gave us some really well-crafted glimpses into her miserable emotional state). I like that you made it a journey for us to find the answer, and didn't just hand it to us.

You've got a fascinating start here! I'm so glad I read it. Thank you for swapping with me!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for a lovely review! Your wonderful compliments and comments really made my night :)

I think the Potters would have taken her silence as guilt. I do think Harry would have been the one to ask her and I'm sure he did. As a parent though, I'm not sure he would have probed much deeper if Samantha didn't deny it. He had absolutely no reason to doubt Neville's son whereas they probably just grouped Samantha with the other 'fan girls'.

I will definitely tell Frank's side of the story whether it's another chapter or another one shot. Haven't decided exactly what yet :)

I'm really glad you like the writing style! I wanted to try something new and was kind of nervous about how it would turn out.

So glad you the story. Thanks again for reviewing:)


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