Reading Reviews for Breakoff Altitude
  
46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Still not Jim Dale Where Gideon goes to a party and gets picked on again

7th January 2015:
Oh jeez, looks like big things are being setup. I'm liking the tension between teammates a lot and I'm glad you're using it to further the plot. I'd imagine some similar things went on during the civil rights movement (to which I figure you're drawing parallels here), and I enjoy how you're handling it. I also enjoy all the references to more familiar characters (Hagrid's butt). They're fun but not overbearing.

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Review #2, by J.D. Where two lovebirds argue a bit and an old man stops by

7th January 2015:
Yes! Dumbledore! I think this is my favorite chapter so far. You nailed the characters-- I can see how all of them could have developed into the characters we see in the main series given their personalities a few years before those events. Molly's controlling but well-meaningness, Arthur's borderline oblivious cheeriness, and Dumbledore's charm and intelligence.

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Review #3, by Who even knows if I'm Jim Dale any more Where Amelia meets an intruder

7th January 2015:
Sheila seems like a lot of fun, here's hoping we see a lot more of her later. Quick aside, I have a Chrome extension called "Butt to Butt Plus" that automatically changes the word "butt" to the word "butt" when it appears in text, so this chapter had a lot of butts (glittering butts, specifically). Anyways, I'd like to see more about Peter's relationship with his father and perhaps some of his and Wren's past, like the history of his branch office.

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Review #4, by Definitely not Jim Dale Where Gideon gets picked on and Fabian gets very awkward

7th January 2015:
Holy Quidditch practice. I felt like I was actually being yelled at by Underton. Also, really creative use of magic in this chapter, especially in the obstacle course. I feel like a lot can be done with magic so it's always interesting to see how creative people can be when they have those sorts of elements at their disposal. The dialogue at the party was charming and awkward and witty as always, great job on this chapter.

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Review #5, by Maybe Jim Dale? Where a lot more than law happens in the office

7th January 2015:
I'm liking these longer chapters, especially that you incorporate flashbacks so we can see a bit more of the characters' pasts considering that they all seem to know each other. The flashbacks are a bold way to do it but they feel really natural and not forced at all like they tend to do in some stories. Peter's character sounds like he'll be a pretty excellent source of comedy, so I'm excited to read more about him.

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Review #6, by Not Jim Dale Where Fabian has a hanger with his sibs

7th January 2015:
I've started reading these in Jim Dale's voice. Anyways, great job with the characters (again). The dialogue is really witty and the characters are relatable. I particularly like the emphasis on family in this one and I think you nailed the sibling/sibling and mother/son conversations.

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Review #7, by Inthenextlife Where Gideon goes to a party and gets picked on again

24th December 2014:
Love Groff and Gideon's friendship, I feel like sometimes it's easy to imagine Gideon as Andy Dwyer from Parks and Rec if that makes sense to you guys?
It's exciting to see the start of the Death Eaters being introduced to the story, I really like the dramatic irony fan fiction can bring since we all know more than the characters.
I think the way you show the muggle bias by pureblood wizards is very good and subtle-- it doesn't feel like your forcing situations to show it.
Anyway great job and excited for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I've never actually watched Parks and Rec but I'm sure you know what you're talking about.

Oh good, I'm glad you thought the whole anti-muggleness was subtle, I was a bit worried it came off a little forced.

Thanks for your review!
Handknittedsweaters,
Rebekah


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Review #8, by Inthenextlife Where two lovebirds argue a bit and an old man stops by

24th December 2014:
Very cute!!! I love Arthur and Molly's goofy dynamic.. I think it's true to canon Arthur/Molly and I think you can see how their personalities will develop into who we see in Harry's lifetime.
Funny! Great!

Author's Response: I know, aren't they? I love Molly/Arthur. There will be plenty more of them to come!

Thanks for reviewing!
Handknittedsweaters
Madeline & Rebekah


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Review #9, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Prologue

23rd December 2014:
Hey, it's SamMalfoy here, but you can call me Sam. :D

Anyway, I like this start. It builds up some kind of mystery. Not so much in the scary-ish side, but I am most definitely intrigued. How did they end up in bed and whatnot? Especially if Amelia is usually so good and careful. I can't wait to see more of her and how she deals with this.

I love Fabian already. I mean, I've always had a little bit of headcanon for him and his brother, so have always liked him. But now I get to read a story about him and I already just want to hug him and never let go. Is that weird? :P

Great start! I'll be back for more soon.

Sam.

Author's Response: Oh, Fabian is so cute. It's alright, you have our permission to hug him!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Getting reviews makes us very excited!

Merry Christmas!
Handknittedsweaters
R & M


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Review #10, by crestwood Prologue

23rd December 2014:
Hello! Here for our swap.

Okay, first things first, I love that Chapter image! The way the light coming in from the window casts shadows over the bed is just pleasing to the eyes. But the photographer in me will shut up now and allow the writer in me to talk about the actual story.

You accomplish a whole lot in a small amount of words. That is something that I can always appreciate. You two are very, very good at this. Especially considering this is your first fic ever! You should have seen the mess that was my first. Let's just say--it's long since deleted.

I love the choice in character's as well. Amelia Bones and Fabian Prewett are not characters I have ever read about before and I'm extremely interested in where you'll take them in this story.

Your add so many sensory details that just bring the scene to life. Your descriptions are masterful. This feels like a scene in a film--praise I reserve for only the most visual of stories--with the singular location and period piece elements. You even got the clothing of the time correct with the corduroy pants! I'm picturing it as such a quaint little old apartment and I can't help but want to film this. (And there's the director in me talking...your story is bringing all of these guys out)

I'm intrigued by Amelia's 'always put together' persona. I wonder if she is compensating for something that she once did or reacting to something. She seems almost oddly concerned about keeping everything together. Tightly wound characters do make for very good protagonists though. I can't wait until we get a closer look at what makes her tick.

We get to know Fabian as well here because he isn't narrating, but I can't help but like him as well. The way you describe him makes him seem like this reserved, caring type that I just adore. I make judgment calls on characters really quickly and this one is a very positive one!

This is an excellent way to start a story and I am blown away by how well crafted you managed to make this. Really great work, really. I'll definitely be back to read on!

Author's Response: Oh my goodness!! Thank you so much! (Now I feel bad for the quick reviews I left on one of your stories--which was absolutely fantastic)

I hope we continue to meet your standard. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

Merry Christmas,
Handknittedsweaters


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Review #11, by lemonpeeps Where two lovebirds argue a bit and an old man stops by

23rd December 2014:
Okay so I love your development of Molly and Arthur. I'm glad she's not just the same old Molly used over and over. She actually has some spunk and sass (and jealousy) that I feel Molly actually has. Dumbledore is popping around, do we get to ever see him? I can't wait to see how you guys write him. Good luck! Please don't make we wait a year again.

Author's Response: Oh we already have another chapter in the queue right now! We're also already working on chapters 11 and 12. Hopefully after the holidays those will get uploaded before we go back to school. I'm really glad you like Molly, we had kind of a difficult time writing her.

Handknittedsweaters


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Review #12, by lemonpeeps Where Amelia meets an intruder

23rd December 2014:
Eeek! You guys finally uploaded an other chapter! Its so great. Peter is a doll. On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Yes! We finally did. I'm so glad you've stayed with us.

Handknittedsweaters


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Review #13, by Something Silly Where Amelia lays us out the deets

23rd December 2014:
Snappy dialogue in this one! Once again, fantastic character development without being hamfisted and obvious. I especially liked how you wove in the anti-muggle sentiments in with the Quidditch commentary. That was really clever and it shows how intimately you know the world you're working in.

Author's Response: We did have a bit of a tough time trying to work in the anti-muggle/muggle-born sentiments without it being too forced. I'm glad you thought it was good!

Thanks for reviewing!
Handknittedsweaters
R & M


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Review #14, by Something Silly Prologue

23rd December 2014:
Hi there. Your prologue is short but robust and I appreciate that you concentrated more on character development and world building than on fabricating a plot as can too easily happen in fanfiction. I found myself believing in Fabian and Amelia's fling and their reactions to waking up together and I think you did a great job inventing a world for your characters and for your readers.

Keep it up

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Handknittedsweaters
R & M


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Review #15, by ohmymerlin Where Amelia meets an intruder

9th January 2014:
Hello again!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA PETER IS A HIPPIE. OH MY GOD HAHAHAHA I'VE NEVER READ ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT IT'S BRILLIANT!

Also, nice introduction to the chapter! Shelia seems like an interesting character! Is there going to be more of her? Although, it was VERY odd that she was peeing in her bath. Some drunk people can be so strange.

Although, I loved how she said come over for a tea or a margarita! :p If I was Amelia I'd be taking the margarita. It seems like she's going to need it, hahaha!

Anyway, I really loved reviewing this story and I'm going to add it to my favourites and keep reviewing because I can't stop now! Thanks for messaging me, I would have missed this great story! (I've also seen your reviews and I will eventually respond to them! Thanks for leaving them! :))

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Yes!! Hahaha! Hippie Peter!! Oh yea, there is a lot more of Shelia down the road. Not to give anything away but she becomes a very important character.

I think Amelia is too uptight to be drinking margaritas with strangers, or really conversing with them at all!

We're so glad you enjoyed the story. We sure have had a good time reading your reviews and getting to view our story from an outsiders perspective.

**also very flattered that it's on your favorites list

yours truly,
Handknittedsweaters


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Review #16, by ohmymerlin Where Gideon gets picked on and Fabian gets very awkward

9th January 2014:
FABIAN, YOU'RE SO SMOOTH! Onya, mate ;)

Hahahahaha, I really loved this chapter. There's finally action between Amelia and Fabian! And Wren understands that she does not want to be near him! Yay!

And poor Gideon, getting stuck in that situation. I don't understand why he just doesn't say, 'Oh, we just broke up. Let's never talk about it again'? :p

But then again, he's a boy. I hate to be sexist but sometimes they just don't see the obvious choices, haha :p (Growing up with a brother, father, and multiple male cousins, I can tell you that none of them seem to pick the obvious choice - unless that's just my family, hahaha :p)

Although I do have a bit of criticism again, sorry!

I just felt this was too modern: "I better see some improvements, b-word!"

Instead of that word (I've changed it to comply with the 12+ rule), I'd suggest 'ladies'. I feel like that's more of a 60s way of saying things. I always hear countless old men saying 'ladies' but I don't think I've ever heard them use that word.

I also felt like this part was too 'chat-speak'. Like I would type this on Facebook or in a review: "especially Fabian, wink wink". I would personally remove the 'wink wink' because it's implied.

Other than that, however, I think this was done extremely well! I loved the interaction between Fabian and Amelia, and how shy he got when he asked her if he was the one she was avoiding. Aw, bless him!

I also enjoyed the Quidditch section. I always love reading anything about Quidditch and I think the practise was really well done!

Great job!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Okay, I can see how 'ladies' might be a little more appropriate.

Adding the wink wink was only to emphasize the intention behind the actions. We'll probably rework the section to make that more obvious without the 'wink wink'

handknittedsweaters


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Review #17, by ohmymerlin Where a lot more than law happens in the office

9th January 2014:
Hello again! I'm here to finish the reviews! *dramatic music starts* LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!

Anyway, this chapter was good! I liked getting introduced to new characters! Wren is a bit odd but he's a typical 60s man. Which is good.

Again, I feel like the dialogue is a bit off. Wren and Peter were fine, it was just Amelia. If you search 60s slang, there are multiple web pages that could help you?

Also, I just noticed a typo. The second time you mention 'goblin goop', you've forgotten the letter 'l' in goblin :p

Other than that, I think this chapter was great. I didn't really like Peter but he seems like a guy with good intentions.

I'm glad Amelia got the job though! I love that Orly made her lunch with a good luck note, that was so cute!

Anyway, I'm off to read more!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Oops, we really need to go back and edit some of these chapters. We've noticed a lot of small typos!

Okay, we'll keep that in mind for some of the next chapters. We really didn't want it to be too 60s because we were afraid people wouldn't be able to relate to the dialogue or decade humor.

Thanks so much for your thoughts!!

Handknittedsweaters


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Review #18, by lemonpeeps Where Gideon gets picked on and Fabian gets very awkward

6th January 2014:
I thought the writing about Quidditch was great, its nice to read nice sporty action!

Also I literally laughed out loud when I read the dialogue between Fabian and Amelia. Oh my god, you guys must be hilarious.

One quick question. I was really confused about that part that starts after "after the game Underton was furious" is that suppose to be a flashback? Because I think it is but there isn't anything marking that. It makes it really confusing!

Over all I really enjoyed this chapter! I can't wait to see more of Amelia and Fabian.

Author's Response: Yes! You were correct! That is suppose to be flash back. We will have to go and fix it. Thanks for mentioning it. That probably confused the readers a lot.

I'm glad you're enjoying it. Oh don't worry there will be plenty more.

handknittedsweaters,
Rebekah


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Review #19, by ohmymerlin Where Fabian has a hanger with his sibs

1st January 2014:
Hello again! I thought I'd review again because I promise I will get to all of them but I'm going away tomorrow for a week (meaning no HPFF) so there's going to be a massive break again. I'm so sorry for the delays!

This was another great chapter! I loved Fabian, Gideon and Molly's interactions. I love seeing siblings in novels and fanfictions. :)

Although one thing tha stuck out to me was the Pygmy Puff Surf Team. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought they were Fred and George's creations? I just did a quick Google search and a few sites came up saying they modified Puffskeins so I don't think Pygmy Puffs would have existed back then!

Also, I feel like Molly is a bit out of character. I know she's younger and would obviously be a bit different but it feels too modern the way she's speaking? She was born in 1949 so this would be like the sixties and they did speak a lot differently.

Anyway, I also liked the interaction between his mother and himself. It kind of shows where Molly got her techniques from, haha! :p And Fabian is a total Mummy's boy, isn't he? ;)

Anywho, I really enjoyed this chapter and I'll try and complete the reviews soon! When I come back from my holiday I solemnly swear I will review!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing! Yeah, we should probably change that band name, I feel like we were just thinking of random magical phrases to throw together into band names. Puffskein Surf Team should be a good name too! I agree that Molly probably doesn't sound as '60s as she could, I especially don't think they'd have used buzzwords like "sexual harassment" back then. At the same time, I'd rather write her a little more modern, just because I think she'd probably sound a little stale/awkward if we tried to sixties-ify it, just because I couldn't write naturally because I don't know that much about '60s British lingo/speaking style. Maybe as the story goes on and we get to know her better as a character, we'll try and make her dialogue more era-appropriate.
Yeah, we liked focusing on their sibling relationship just because Fabian and Gideon sounded so interesting and Molly barely ever talks about them in the series. Thanks again for reviewing :) And Rebekah and I will get on reviewing your stories!
-Madeline


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Review #20, by ohmymerlin Where Amelia lays us out the deets

23rd December 2013:
Hello! Sorry for the delay with this, I've just been super busy! D:

This chapter was great. It set the scene and gave us so much more detail about the characters and how Amelia is as a person. I really enjoy her character so far.

The only thing I'm confused about is the law school part. Is this a Wizarding law school or just a normal Muggle one where she will then transfer the knowledge and apply it in Wizarding situations?

I do have one teeny, tiny bit of criticism however. I just felt like the commentators' dialogue felt far too forced and the constant 'ho ho ho' and other 'oh ho's', 'ooh' reminded me of Santa (although that's probably because Christmas is tomorrow so...) but what I find helpful is saying the dialogue out loud to see if that's the way you would talk?

You're strong point is definitely description. All the descriptions in this are great and they really give the readers a clear image!

I also enjoyed (well, not enjoyed... but appreciated maybe?) the parts where the commentators were talking about Muggle 'filth'. It's absolutely disgusting and terrible, but it is probably accurate, sadly.

I also loved the banter between Fabian and Amelia. It was very witty and flirty, and who's going to complain about that? ;)

Anyway, this was another great chapter! I'll be back tomorrow (technically later today as it's 1.40 in the morning) to try and review more chapters!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Her law school's supposed to be a Wizarding one 'cuz we figured that Wizarding Britain would have such different laws and court systems they'd need a separate entity to teach their lawyers and judges. That's what's interesting to me in the series, is that you know to be a professor, or an Auror, or a judge, the characters must have needed extra school to learn how to do those careers, but they aren't really mentioned by Harry or his friends.
Yeah, our commentator was meant to be a little ridiculous, kind of a parody of those really macho-cool-guys working in sports industries. But if he's not coming across that way, we should probs rewrite it.
I'm glad you liked the banter, it was fun to write :)
-Madeline


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Review #21, by marauderfan Where Amelia lays us out the deets

22nd December 2013:
Hi! So sorry for the delay in getting to your requested review!

This is a good chapter. I liked the additional background on Amelia, her friendship with Orly, the myriad of things that are going on in the wizarding world and Amelia's daily life that she must focus on.

It was also really cool to see the very beginnings of the Order here - which probably didn't exist at that time, but Edgar's group of pro-Muggle wizards definitely sounds like a group of people that will one day be part of the Order. On that note, by the way, I was rather surprised to see the beginnings of the war getting that serious so early on, what with people disappearing and all.

I really like the wizard-isation (yeah that's not a word, but I think it should be) of common phrases - "going to the grindylows" is great.

I liked the background provided in this chapter about the Prewetts, and the backstory as to how Fabian and Amelia ended up together.

As for your questions in your request, I don't think there is any information lacking, the characters are believable, and the plot is interesting. As for flow/things standing out to me...

This isn't meant as a bad thing, by the way. To me, it kind of reads like a circle - it starts with Amelia getting home from her one night stand, and ends with her going off with Fabian to his house beforehand - essentially ending at the same point in time as the previous chapter. It makes the chapter feel slower, but I think the circular narration for the chapter is fine overall.

The only cc I have is this line: Fabian and his twin brother, Gideon, were old family friends of the Boneses, but Amelia hadn’t really spoken with either of them in years.

Where it is now, it doesn't really seem to fit in, as it's thrown between two lines of dialogue. Perhaps you could insert that line earlier instead. Maybe even right before Fabian starts speaking again, after the line "leaning against her armchair with the other."

Otherwise, it seems really well written! Great chapter, I think this story is coming along nicely! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :) I'm glad you liked the chapter :) Our current thinking about the pro-Muggle wizards and Voldemort is that there must have been whispers and rumors years before the war started in earnest. I think we're going to have it heat up and slow down and Voldemort's presence is going to kind of fade in and out before the war really starts. Since we knew Fabian and Gideon die during the war we wanted to start the story early enough that we could give a longer story about them.

Also, I don't know about Rebekah(the other half of handknittedsweaters), but for me, timing is by far the hardest aspect of writing this story. I can never decide how much time should pass in a chapter or between the chapters- I can't remember what day it is in the story or if the characters should be at work or if it should be a new season? UGhfusjkkjjjh
But thanks again for reviewing :)


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Review #22, by ReeBee Prologue

20th December 2013:
Hi there!

Is there more than one person writing this? Anyway, I saw the lovely review that u left on my story (which has been updated, btw), so I thought I'd repay the favour :)

Okay, so here I am! Anyway, awesome start! I love the start! You introduced it quite well- perfect for a prologue! :D Its short and well, starts the ball rolling. God, that sounded awful, but u get what I'm saying :)

Hm, I like the characterisation of Fabian! Its so sweet how he makes coffee. And I know that its small, but I like it how the guy gets up before the girl! :D Super sweet!

Amelia and Fabian...hm, something I've never thought of! But, I can see how that might work! They could have well been around the same age! Definitely the same era, what with Fabian being Molly's younger brother and all!

And I like the touch of her wearing his shirt! I don't know why I pay a lot of attention to these small things but they draw me in :) So, sweet! :D

Hm, sorry I don't have any CC! But, it is a prologue and a well written one at that! I'll probably keep reading! And definitely expect more reviews! :D

-ReeBee :)

Author's Response: Ahhh! You're great! Thanks for reviewing. And yes there are two people writing this story. We both write different chapters and edit each others so there're similar in writing style and characterization.

We think that Fabian is a sweetie too! Haha he's so into Amelia, she just needs to come around now. Thanks again for reading!

handknittedsweaters
Rebekah


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Review #23, by ohmymerlin Prologue

19th December 2013:
Hey, it's ohmy-merlin from tumblr! (When I responded to you privately I forgot that it uses my personal tumblr, so I'm also that person, haha!)

I know you said you wanted the last chapters reviewed more but I thought I'd just go through them all! :)

This was a great introductory chapter! It was a bit short, but most first chapters are short. It set the scene very well and I'm really interested to read on!

The first paragraph was written beautifully. I loved the descriptions and they weren't too overpowering. :)

I can't say too much on this chapter as it's so short, but it has been written really well! Great job! :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Aww!! Thank you so much!! You're the best! Tomorrow afternoon when I have more time I'll go through your short story too.

handknittedsweaters,
Rebekah & Madeline


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Review #24, by Inthenextlife Where Amelia meets an intruder

18th December 2013:
Amelia is just getting into all kinds of awkward situations! Haha I love her being the straight character amongst all these Sheilas and Fabians and Wrens who just make every conversation so weird. I liked Peter's singing! Can Amelia get together with Peter instead?

Author's Response: While I'm sure that she thinks him as adorable; Peter isn't very responsible. Amelia needs someone she can depend on.

handknittedsweaters
Rebekah


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Review #25, by Inthenextlife Where Gideon gets picked on and Fabian gets very awkward

18th December 2013:
I love the Amelia/Fabian banter! And I'm kinda charmed by drunken Wren even if he is a weirdo.
This "We’ve been old family frien-"

“Family boyfriends!” Amelia interjected. “I mean,” she blushed, “that is to say, he’s my boyfriend-”

“Yessir,” said Fabian nodding emphatically, his neck quite pink, “yes, that is the situation we’re in.”

Author's Response: They're hilarious aren't they!?

handknittedsweaters
Rebekah


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