Reading Reviews for Breakoff Altitude
  
40 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Still not Jim Dale Where Gideon goes to a party and gets picked on again

7th January 2015:
Oh jeez, looks like big things are being setup. I'm liking the tension between teammates a lot and I'm glad you're using it to further the plot. I'd imagine some similar things went on during the civil rights movement (to which I figure you're drawing parallels here), and I enjoy how you're handling it. I also enjoy all the references to more familiar characters (Hagrid's butt). They're fun but not overbearing.

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Review #2, by J.D. Where two lovebirds argue a bit and an old man stops by

7th January 2015:
Yes! Dumbledore! I think this is my favorite chapter so far. You nailed the characters-- I can see how all of them could have developed into the characters we see in the main series given their personalities a few years before those events. Molly's controlling but well-meaningness, Arthur's borderline oblivious cheeriness, and Dumbledore's charm and intelligence.

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Review #3, by Who even knows if I'm Jim Dale any more Where Amelia meets an intruder

7th January 2015:
Sheila seems like a lot of fun, here's hoping we see a lot more of her later. Quick aside, I have a Chrome extension called "Butt to Butt Plus" that automatically changes the word "butt" to the word "butt" when it appears in text, so this chapter had a lot of butts (glittering butts, specifically). Anyways, I'd like to see more about Peter's relationship with his father and perhaps some of his and Wren's past, like the history of his branch office.

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Review #4, by Definitely not Jim Dale Where Gideon gets picked on and Fabian gets very awkward

7th January 2015:
Holy Quidditch practice. I felt like I was actually being yelled at by Underton. Also, really creative use of magic in this chapter, especially in the obstacle course. I feel like a lot can be done with magic so it's always interesting to see how creative people can be when they have those sorts of elements at their disposal. The dialogue at the party was charming and awkward and witty as always, great job on this chapter.

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Review #5, by Maybe Jim Dale? Where a lot more than law happens in the office

7th January 2015:
I'm liking these longer chapters, especially that you incorporate flashbacks so we can see a bit more of the characters' pasts considering that they all seem to know each other. The flashbacks are a bold way to do it but they feel really natural and not forced at all like they tend to do in some stories. Peter's character sounds like he'll be a pretty excellent source of comedy, so I'm excited to read more about him.

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Review #6, by Not Jim Dale Where Fabian has a hanger with his sibs

7th January 2015:
I've started reading these in Jim Dale's voice. Anyways, great job with the characters (again). The dialogue is really witty and the characters are relatable. I particularly like the emphasis on family in this one and I think you nailed the sibling/sibling and mother/son conversations.

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Review #7, by Inthenextlife Where Gideon goes to a party and gets picked on again

24th December 2014:
Love Groff and Gideon's friendship, I feel like sometimes it's easy to imagine Gideon as Andy Dwyer from Parks and Rec if that makes sense to you guys?
It's exciting to see the start of the Death Eaters being introduced to the story, I really like the dramatic irony fan fiction can bring since we all know more than the characters.
I think the way you show the muggle bias by pureblood wizards is very good and subtle-- it doesn't feel like your forcing situations to show it.
Anyway great job and excited for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I've never actually watched Parks and Rec but I'm sure you know what you're talking about.

Oh good, I'm glad you thought the whole anti-muggleness was subtle, I was a bit worried it came off a little forced.

Thanks for your review!
Handknittedsweaters,
Rebekah


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Review #8, by Inthenextlife Where two lovebirds argue a bit and an old man stops by

24th December 2014:
Very cute!!! I love Arthur and Molly's goofy dynamic.. I think it's true to canon Arthur/Molly and I think you can see how their personalities will develop into who we see in Harry's lifetime.
Funny! Great!

Author's Response: I know, aren't they? I love Molly/Arthur. There will be plenty more of them to come!

Thanks for reviewing!
Handknittedsweaters
Madeline & Rebekah


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Review #9, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Prologue

23rd December 2014:
Hey, it's SamMalfoy here, but you can call me Sam. :D

Anyway, I like this start. It builds up some kind of mystery. Not so much in the scary-ish side, but I am most definitely intrigued. How did they end up in bed and whatnot? Especially if Amelia is usually so good and careful. I can't wait to see more of her and how she deals with this.

I love Fabian already. I mean, I've always had a little bit of headcanon for him and his brother, so have always liked him. But now I get to read a story about him and I already just want to hug him and never let go. Is that weird? :P

Great start! I'll be back for more soon.

Sam.

Author's Response: Oh, Fabian is so cute. It's alright, you have our permission to hug him!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Getting reviews makes us very excited!

Merry Christmas!
Handknittedsweaters
R & M


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Review #10, by crestwood Prologue

23rd December 2014:
Hello! Here for our swap.

Okay, first things first, I love that Chapter image! The way the light coming in from the window casts shadows over the bed is just pleasing to the eyes. But the photographer in me will shut up now and allow the writer in me to talk about the actual story.

You accomplish a whole lot in a small amount of words. That is something that I can always appreciate. You two are very, very good at this. Especially considering this is your first fic ever! You should have seen the mess that was my first. Let's just say--it's long since deleted.

I love the choice in character's as well. Amelia Bones and Fabian Prewett are not characters I have ever read about before and I'm extremely interested in where you'll take them in this story.

Your add so many sensory details that just bring the scene to life. Your descriptions are masterful. This feels like a scene in a film--praise I reserve for only the most visual of stories--with the singular location and period piece elements. You even got the clothing of the time correct with the corduroy pants! I'm picturing it as such a quaint little old apartment and I can't help but want to film this. (And there's the director in me talking...your story is bringing all of these guys out)

I'm intrigued by Amelia's 'always put together' persona. I wonder if she is compensating for something that she once did or reacting to something. She seems almost oddly concerned about keeping everything together. Tightly wound characters do make for very good protagonists though. I can't wait until we get a closer look at what makes her tick.

We get to know Fabian as well here because he isn't narrating, but I can't help but like him as well. The way you describe him makes him seem like this reserved, caring type that I just adore. I make judgment calls on characters really quickly and this one is a very positive one!

This is an excellent way to start a story and I am blown away by how well crafted you managed to make this. Really great work, really. I'll definitely be back to read on!

Author's Response: Oh my goodness!! Thank you so much! (Now I feel bad for the quick reviews I left on one of your stories--which was absolutely fantastic)

I hope we continue to meet your standard. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

Merry Christmas,
Handknittedsweaters


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Review #11, by lemonpeeps Where two lovebirds argue a bit and an old man stops by

23rd December 2014:
Okay so I love your development of Molly and Arthur. I'm glad she's not just the same old Molly used over and over. She actually has some spunk and sass (and jealousy) that I feel Molly actually has. Dumbledore is popping around, do we get to ever see him? I can't wait to see how you guys write him. Good luck! Please don't make we wait a year again.

Author's Response: Oh we already have another chapter in the queue right now! We're also already working on chapters 11 and 12. Hopefully after the holidays those will get uploaded before we go back to school. I'm really glad you like Molly, we had kind of a difficult time writing her.

Handknittedsweaters


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Review #12, by lemonpeeps Where Amelia meets an intruder

23rd December 2014:
Eeek! You guys finally uploaded an other chapter! Its so great. Peter is a doll. On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Yes! We finally did. I'm so glad you've stayed with us.

Handknittedsweaters


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Review #13, by Something Silly Where Amelia lays us out the deets

23rd December 2014:
Snappy dialogue in this one! Once again, fantastic character development without being hamfisted and obvious. I especially liked how you wove in the anti-muggle sentiments in with the Quidditch commentary. That was really clever and it shows how intimately you know the world you're working in.

Author's Response: We did have a bit of a tough time trying to work in the anti-muggle/muggle-born sentiments without it being too forced. I'm glad you thought it was good!

Thanks for reviewing!
Handknittedsweaters
R & M


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Review #14, by Something Silly Prologue

23rd December 2014:
Hi there. Your prologue is short but robust and I appreciate that you concentrated more on character development and world building than on fabricating a plot as can too easily happen in fanfiction. I found myself believing in Fabian and Amelia's fling and their reactions to waking up together and I think you did a great job inventing a world for your characters and for your readers.

Keep it up

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Handknittedsweaters
R & M


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Review #15, by lemonpeeps Where Gideon gets picked on and Fabian gets very awkward

6th January 2014:
I thought the writing about Quidditch was great, its nice to read nice sporty action!

Also I literally laughed out loud when I read the dialogue between Fabian and Amelia. Oh my god, you guys must be hilarious.

One quick question. I was really confused about that part that starts after "after the game Underton was furious" is that suppose to be a flashback? Because I think it is but there isn't anything marking that. It makes it really confusing!

Over all I really enjoyed this chapter! I can't wait to see more of Amelia and Fabian.

Author's Response: Yes! You were correct! That is suppose to be flash back. We will have to go and fix it. Thanks for mentioning it. That probably confused the readers a lot.

I'm glad you're enjoying it. Oh don't worry there will be plenty more.

handknittedsweaters,
Rebekah


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Review #16, by marauderfan Where Amelia lays us out the deets

22nd December 2013:
Hi! So sorry for the delay in getting to your requested review!

This is a good chapter. I liked the additional background on Amelia, her friendship with Orly, the myriad of things that are going on in the wizarding world and Amelia's daily life that she must focus on.

It was also really cool to see the very beginnings of the Order here - which probably didn't exist at that time, but Edgar's group of pro-Muggle wizards definitely sounds like a group of people that will one day be part of the Order. On that note, by the way, I was rather surprised to see the beginnings of the war getting that serious so early on, what with people disappearing and all.

I really like the wizard-isation (yeah that's not a word, but I think it should be) of common phrases - "going to the grindylows" is great.

I liked the background provided in this chapter about the Prewetts, and the backstory as to how Fabian and Amelia ended up together.

As for your questions in your request, I don't think there is any information lacking, the characters are believable, and the plot is interesting. As for flow/things standing out to me...

This isn't meant as a bad thing, by the way. To me, it kind of reads like a circle - it starts with Amelia getting home from her one night stand, and ends with her going off with Fabian to his house beforehand - essentially ending at the same point in time as the previous chapter. It makes the chapter feel slower, but I think the circular narration for the chapter is fine overall.

The only cc I have is this line: Fabian and his twin brother, Gideon, were old family friends of the Boneses, but Amelia hadn’t really spoken with either of them in years.

Where it is now, it doesn't really seem to fit in, as it's thrown between two lines of dialogue. Perhaps you could insert that line earlier instead. Maybe even right before Fabian starts speaking again, after the line "leaning against her armchair with the other."

Otherwise, it seems really well written! Great chapter, I think this story is coming along nicely! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :) I'm glad you liked the chapter :) Our current thinking about the pro-Muggle wizards and Voldemort is that there must have been whispers and rumors years before the war started in earnest. I think we're going to have it heat up and slow down and Voldemort's presence is going to kind of fade in and out before the war really starts. Since we knew Fabian and Gideon die during the war we wanted to start the story early enough that we could give a longer story about them.

Also, I don't know about Rebekah(the other half of handknittedsweaters), but for me, timing is by far the hardest aspect of writing this story. I can never decide how much time should pass in a chapter or between the chapters- I can't remember what day it is in the story or if the characters should be at work or if it should be a new season? UGhfusjkkjjjh
But thanks again for reviewing :)


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Review #17, by ReeBee Prologue

20th December 2013:
Hi there!

Is there more than one person writing this? Anyway, I saw the lovely review that u left on my story (which has been updated, btw), so I thought I'd repay the favour :)

Okay, so here I am! Anyway, awesome start! I love the start! You introduced it quite well- perfect for a prologue! :D Its short and well, starts the ball rolling. God, that sounded awful, but u get what I'm saying :)

Hm, I like the characterisation of Fabian! Its so sweet how he makes coffee. And I know that its small, but I like it how the guy gets up before the girl! :D Super sweet!

Amelia and Fabian...hm, something I've never thought of! But, I can see how that might work! They could have well been around the same age! Definitely the same era, what with Fabian being Molly's younger brother and all!

And I like the touch of her wearing his shirt! I don't know why I pay a lot of attention to these small things but they draw me in :) So, sweet! :D

Hm, sorry I don't have any CC! But, it is a prologue and a well written one at that! I'll probably keep reading! And definitely expect more reviews! :D

-ReeBee :)

Author's Response: Ahhh! You're great! Thanks for reviewing. And yes there are two people writing this story. We both write different chapters and edit each others so there're similar in writing style and characterization.

We think that Fabian is a sweetie too! Haha he's so into Amelia, she just needs to come around now. Thanks again for reading!

handknittedsweaters
Rebekah


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Review #18, by Inthenextlife Where Amelia meets an intruder

18th December 2013:
Amelia is just getting into all kinds of awkward situations! Haha I love her being the straight character amongst all these Sheilas and Fabians and Wrens who just make every conversation so weird. I liked Peter's singing! Can Amelia get together with Peter instead?

Author's Response: While I'm sure that she thinks him as adorable; Peter isn't very responsible. Amelia needs someone she can depend on.

handknittedsweaters
Rebekah


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Review #19, by Inthenextlife Where Gideon gets picked on and Fabian gets very awkward

18th December 2013:
I love the Amelia/Fabian banter! And I'm kinda charmed by drunken Wren even if he is a weirdo.
This "We’ve been old family frien-"

“Family boyfriends!” Amelia interjected. “I mean,” she blushed, “that is to say, he’s my boyfriend-”

“Yessir,” said Fabian nodding emphatically, his neck quite pink, “yes, that is the situation we’re in.”

Author's Response: They're hilarious aren't they!?

handknittedsweaters
Rebekah


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Review #20, by lemonpeeps Where a lot more than law happens in the office

14th December 2013:
Oh LORDY. Peter! This is great, good work you guys

Author's Response: Haha! Oh I know, Peter is CRAZY! Thanks so much!! :)

handknittedsweaters


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Review #21, by lemonpeeps Where Amelia lays us out the deets

14th December 2013:
Aw, sibling love, so cute. I'm so glad I found this story, its so fresh and new. The plot is great and the writing is fantastic! Keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: Thanks!! We just uploaded the next chapater to be validated! Keep reading! :)

handknittedsweaters


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Review #22, by Katie Where a lot more than law happens in the office

14th December 2013:
I really liked the flashback part! It's interesting to see what you guys envision wizard law school to be like. That Peter is certainly a character! I also enjoy that they're hanging out in a completely different wizarding quarter than Diagon Alley, there's a lot of freedom in that decision. Keep writing :)

Author's Response: We definitely tried to make Peter a little over the top, but hopefully he's still at least a little believable. And yeah, we thought it would be fun to give them fresh stomping grounds! Thanks for reading

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Review #23, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Where Amelia lays us out the deets

17th November 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! I apologize for taking so long to write it - NaNoWriMo has been getting the better of me so far.

Okay, so first of all: the plot - I really like your inclusion of the beginnings of the wizarding war, and that so far it is secondary to the personal issues Amelia faces: the aftermath of her one-night stand, and her job search. This seems realistic to me, big problems that don't directly affect us take a back seat to the stuff we're dealing with day to day, until something really big or disastrous happens to catch out attention. The only question I have is whether the year (1968) is a little early to have so many wizards disappearing. It's hard to imagine Harry's parents having somewhat normal school years when the war was already that heated. That's just a question in my mind, though, you could totally prove me wrong. :)

Next, the Quidditch commentary: I think the most interesting section of commentary involves Ike's anti-muggle slurs. I cringed as I read them, which demonstrates that you use use them effectively. I think that Ike's comments are believable after hearing clips of people in real life saying horrible things on TV. The other commentator is never identified, and I think it might be helpful to give him a name to make their back and forth dialog a little more clear. Hmm, I wonder whether Rita Skeeter was involved with the news story about Gideon's muggle girlfriend?

On to characterization: I like Orly and Amelia's banter, and Orly's well-meaning meddling into Amelia's job search. I also like how you show that Amelia has not been acting quite her usual self without making it over-the-top. Amelia seems especially well-developed and likable as a character so far. Towards the end of their conversation about Gideon, I got a little lost as to who was speaking. I think it would be helpful to identify that Orly is asking this question: "Then why say it to a magazine reporter?"

I enjoyed getting to know Amelia a little better in this chapter, and finding out more about the circumstances preceding her waking up in Fabian's bed. I'm most interested in reading more about (in no particular order) her job interview, what will happen next between her and Fabian and what Edgar and the others have been up to during their secret meetings with Dumbledore. I also wonder whether Amelia will tell Orly where she was that morning, or keep it a secret?

Author's Response: We're so glad you liked it! You might be right about it being a little early, but I don't think we'll be heating the war up very quickly at the moment. A lot of the decision to make the story start now was in that we wanted to give Fabian and Gideon enough time to live out their lives before the end we all know is coming to our brave Prewett brothers. When we eventually go and rewrite old chapters (ugh) we'll definitely keep your comments in mind.
Thanks again for all the help


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Review #24, by marauderfan Prologue

5th November 2013:
Hi there, here with your requested review!

I really liked your prologue. It's short, but I don't think it needs to be long - you've said a lot in a small number of words and that's a great talent. Also, I love that you've chosen to tell a story about Amelia and Fabian. Minor characters are my favourites, and these two aren't mentioned much in the books but played a big part in the war, so I'm really excited to see how things play out.

Your biggest strength in this chapter is your description - what the characters look like, the smell of the bakery, the feel of the breeze. I can picture the scene perfectly.

As for the characters' personalities - there's not a whole lot about them yet but I think this prologue definitely gives a glimpse into their personalities. Good job with Amelia particularly - I can tell that she seems like someone who normally thinks things over, hence her discomfort in this scene.

The transitions into dialogue were good! There's a lot of descriptive text in between but it's clear there's more thinking than talking aloud in the situation so it came across as perfectly normal to me.

There was one area where it might help to re-word a phrase slightly: and if Amelia had managed to find her way into it in a way she wasn't so embarrassed by,
This was a little confusing at first - I think it might work better as something like "and if Amelia hand managed to find her way into it by less embarrassing means"

Anyway, I think you've got a great start, and I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! Yeah, we'll definitely have to go through and rework some of those old chapters, and I'll make a note of that suggestion. When we started thinking about making a story we looked for the less used characters so we could make their personalities without being subconsciously influenced by better stories. Thanks again for the help and please keep reading!

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Review #25, by Inthenextlife Where a lot more than law happens in the office

28th October 2013:
"The Caerphilly College Law School, was located in an old drafty castle, as this sort of location had apparently been decided upon by some group of ancient sorcerers to be the only appropriate place for a school of magical learning." psh lol
I really liked this chapter! I enjoy that you guys seem to be moving along with your plot without too much fluff in the middle.
Wren definitely seemed a little creepy to me, which is disappointing because I like the name Wren so much! And I loved the band names you chose. People seem to either go with the Weird Sisters, what's-her-face Celestia Warbeck?, or just modern Muggle bands. Creativity, I dig it.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Haha I'm glad you liked the band names so much. Yeah Madeline and I noticed that's what most people went with so we decided to have a little more fun with the names!

It's so unfortunate Wren is turning out to be a creeper instead of the handsome boy Amelia spend law school with.

I hope you had a spectacular Halloween!

handknittedsweaters


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