Reading Reviews for In A Heartbeat
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Josette_Phoenix In A Heartbeat

3rd January 2014:
Wow. Just wow. I wasn't expecting it, but all these chills just ran through my body as I was reading, and there were tears in my eyes. The way you incorporated the lines from DH made me smile with pride.

Excellent metaphor with the splinters of time and all the possible futures - it fit perfectly in with the battle scene, everything rushing and breaking. Excellent use of the techincal terms like ventricles and atria etc. - it added a cold, gutsy facet to the story. Just ... excellent. Excellent excellent excellent.

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Review #2, by Remus In A Heartbeat

12th September 2013:
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! :D

I absolutely love the whole idea behind the story! Stories like these just go to show that any mother trying to protect her children are the most dangerous. Mama bear will kill! Specially poor Molly who had just lost her Freddie.

Your description was fantastic. I really could picture everything in my head going in a slow motion. The spells, Bellatrix's laugh echoing in the background, Molly's possible future...everything was perfect. When we see that she was hit with the spell I panicked. Just the idea of Molly dying was disturbing to me! And when the rogue spell hit Ginny. GAH! That was a heartbreaking moment and very possible outcome. I can't even imagine what would've happened if that had come to pass in canon.

What made the story for me was the description of the heart beat. That was a fantastic detail to add to your story. It helped me get into the mood and picture everything going in slow mo. I don't know why but that's how I pictured everything happening here! Hahaha

Other than that, that's it!! I really liked this so thank you so much for letting me read this!

--Until next time!

Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie! Thanks so much for the review. I really admire you guys who just feel like R&Ring and post a status on the forums!

Molly is the ultimate Mama Bear, to me. Just because she has a lot of cubs, doesn't mean she wouldn't fight to the death for any one of them - including those she's sort of adopted.

It's great to hear that the description worked for you, as that's such an important part of reading for me! So I try to work it into my writing too. The version where Ginny dies was chilling to write, too, but I almost saw this story as a little exploration of what Molly might see when she closes her eyes at night.

The description of the heart beat was something that arrived very early in writing this story, and I did doubt it from time to time, but I'm glad I kept it in. Particularly as it contributed to the 'slow mo' feeling for you - that's how I envisaged it too!

Thanks so much for the encouraging review :) I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Sarah xoxo


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Review #3, by Jchrissy In A Heartbeat

3rd September 2013:
GAH WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO PERFECT. I HATE YOU. BUT I LOVE YOU MORE SO IT'S OKAY.

You really cleaned up the confusion we talked about in your first scribbly, even though that was still awesome, but this has the perfect blend of abstract while still being a story. If that makes sense.

Dude, you don't mess with a mother. You don't mess with a Weasley. You DEFINITELY don't mess with the WEASLEY MOTHER. Bellatrix picked the wrong red headed matriarch to try and tackle, and I sort of with she'd have lived for just a few minutes longer so we could see how she took to being killed by Molly. THough I guess she couldn't have been lived and killed at the same time...hmph.

Your emotions in this were so dang powerful. I felt like I was right there going, 'no Molly! That's not how it's going to end! Get her Molly!' then when the real future finally unfolded, gah. You are too perfect.

Okay, I know this is a terribly short excuse for a review, but I had to come squee. I MISS AND LOVE YOU.

Author's Response: I can't help being perfect, I was born this way! :P

I'm so glad the confusion is gone. Sometimes it's just so hard to know how to express the image you have in mind... And it's also hard to fix it when you know something's wrong, but you've only just written it and the words are still new. So thanks for reading it and helping out :)

I know what you mean about Bella's death! I wanted her to suffer for a little longer too, but you have to take comfort in the way JKR wrote that shock is evident on her face - she realises what has happened. Defeated by a plump, freckled housewife who is one hundred times the woman and warrior she could ever be. She totally underestimated the power of motherly love, thinking her obsessional love for Voldemort is stronger than any other. Ha, sucker.

Thank you for squeeing! I miss and love you too!!! Back to normal life this week!


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Review #4, by 1917farmgirl In A Heartbeat

20th August 2013:
First of all, I think you might have been skipped a while back in the Review Tag thread. I ended up with two wonderful people giving me reviews, but I don't think you got one because of the way the posting happened. Wanted to fix that.

Now, WOW! What a powerful story! At first it took me a minute to see what you were doing, what the bolded phrases were, but once I understood it was ten times more powerful!

If there is one thing universally understood by Muggles, wizards, even animals alike, it's that you don't mess with a mother's love.

I really loved the way you showed Molly not wanting Bellatrix to steal the honor of being the last person she heard say Fred's name. I've never thought of that before, and it's a very powerful thought indeed! Also really loved it when she described Fred as her sweet, naughty child. :)

Wonderful writing! The style was different than anything I've read before and I quite liked it. Sure I will be back to check out more of your stuff later.

Author's Response: Heeheehee, oh you. This was a nice surprise! Haha.

I did struggle with making the format and meaning of this story come across in a clear way, but I'm glad you got what was going on after a minute!

You're quite right about a mother's love - and underestimating it is the mistake that both Voldemort and Bellatrix made. You'd think he'd have taught her a little better!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing :) I enjoyed our odd swap!


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Review #5, by MC_HK In A Heartbeat

18th August 2013:
Sorry for the wait! I'm normally very quick with reviews, but I have just been traveling and well, you know how that goes lol.

So, considering I am a nursing major and have very intensely studied human anatomy and physiology, I would have to say well done on those stages of a heartbeat! I quite liked it! Also, this is an AWESOME (mini) plot for this one-shot, and I enjoyed it alot. I applaud you!

I do think that the overuse of the ellipses kind of fractures the flow. Considering this is happening in a heartbeat, I read it with urgency, and the ellipses kind of detract from that urgency. Where they are at the beginning and ends of each scenario are great, but ones in the middle could be done without. I can say that can follow what's going on. It's made pretty clear at the beginning of each possibility because you say it's just a possibility and not a reality.

Overall, I really like this! It's totally awesome, and really well edited. Until next time, MC_HK

Author's Response: I'm really sorry that I've taken a while to respond - I know that's quite bad form, particularly on a requested review - but I've been moving house and then had patchy internet for a while, whilst on night shifts. I imagine you know how life just goes on hold if you're a student nurse?! Haha. I'm a student midwife.

I'm glad you liked the (mini) plot - the what-ifs are things that play through my mind quite often, and I'm sure Molly might do the same!

I totally agree about the ellipses! Thanks for the help; I'll change that now.

Many thanks for the review!
Athene xo


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Review #6, by academica In A Heartbeat

15th August 2013:
Hey Athene, here with your requested review!

What a cool little one-shot! I love the interspersed descriptions of how a heartbeat physically occurs; it definitely heightened the feeling of action for me. I also liked the way Molly struggled with the different visions of the future she saw, all of them devastating; it really brought into focus her desperation and humility in this difficult moment. There were so many lines that I thought truly cut to the core of who Molly is--the pleading of her broken heart, the way her body could be used to shield the children she'd dutifully and lovingly carried, the sense that losing her children would leave her with absolutely nothing. I'm very impressed by your ability to capture her in so few words, especially this really awesome moment.

To answer your question, I don't think the plot is confusing, especially with the way you framed it in quotes from canon. I don't think the ellipses really get in the way either, because it makes sense that Molly's thoughts in this moment would be a disjointed, seemingly unending train of fears. What could be interrupting the flow, though, is the way you sometimes go a little heavy on the imagery. Perhaps it's because I've recently become more conscious about my own use of imagery, but I noticed a few places in which it seemed like you put in one or two descriptions too many, such that it caused me to slow down and drop the pace of the action a little bit. For example, here:

She poured every ounce of hatred, every drop of anger and grief and every single blinding, scorching, thrilling atom of love she possessed into her wand, as she sliced the space between her and Bellatrix.

I think you could potentially drop a couple of the adjectives for "atom of love" just to pick up the pace a little and help us arrive at the end result.

That's all I could find that suggested potential issues with flow. Otherwise, everything seemed to work well. Your story made me wonder just what Molly thought when she was in the presence of Bellatrix's body, the body that had once housed a fearsome witch who, seconds ago, threatened everything that Molly holds dear--especially in contrast to the very real possibility that she could have been facing her daughter's body instead. I'm sure the image stuck with her for a long time.

Great work! I hope this review is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda! Thank you so much for the review. Molly is pretty much my favourite character, so I'm glad you feel I've managed to capture some of her here.

Thank you so much for the advice on the imagery - I completely agree. The line you picked out has been bothering me since I wrote it! So it definitely needs an edit. It's really helpful to get that CC, as the pace and flow is so important to this piece!

Your thoughts on the presence of Bellatrix's body are so interesting and I wish I'd thought to include a little of that at the end.

Such a helpful review, and from a writer whose work I adore... Thank you again!

Sarah xo


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Review #7, by Fonzzx In A Heartbeat

13th August 2013:
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate you stopping to leave a comment :)

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Review #8, by CambAngst In A Heartbeat

13th August 2013:
Hi, Sarah!

That was intense. I don't think I ever would have found a way to squeeze nearly 1,000 words out of a single moment, but this was also no ordinary moment. You did incredible justice to what I've always thought of as one of the defining events of the entire series. Molly and Bellatrix were both strong female characters who defined the opposite ends of a spectrum between the nurturing mother figure and the poisonous black widow. When Molly killed Bellatrix, to me it was another reminder of JKR's message about the power of a mother's love for a child and how it can triumph over even the most powerful evil.

I loved the way you worked in the physiological details of a beating heart. It was such a sharp contrast with the premonitions Molly is having about the possible ways that the moment will end. It also served as a brilliant timer of events.

Molly's grief for her lost son combined with her love for her husband and children -- biological and "adopted" -- were powerful emotions and you portrayed them beautifully. I've always been in awe of the way that you use language to express your characters' feelings and the little details that you pluck out to ground these very conceptual moments in reality. Beautiful stuff!

I can't really recommend anything in the way of improving this story. It was amazing from start to finish. Fantastic job!

Author's Response: Hi Dan! Thank you so much for stopping by to read this little brain splurge of mine. I had no idea if it would make sense to readers, or if they would feel the mood I was hoping to create, so it's brilliant to hear that you found it really intense! Haha.

This is perhaps my favourite moment in the whole series. The moment where Molly shows just what love can do, and is willing to throw herself in front of her children and perform magic like she's never done before... Well, it's like Harry's life comes full circle. His mother made the first sacrifice and saved him, losing her life, but giving him the protection he needed. Then, at the height of battle, his adopted mother (because let's face it, she is), is willing to sacrifice herself for the children she has and those she has lost - and wins. Harry is the boy who lived, this time with a mother who lives. That's not to take away from Lily in the slightest... But just to see that circle of maternal sacrifice close in such a beautiful way, woman versus woman, hate versus love. Sigh. I love Rowling. Here ends the diatribe.

Anyway! Yes, details! I find it's all in the details for me. And as you point out, this is an incredibly short amount of time and so it just *has* to come from the little details, as there's little space for a sweeping narrative.

Also, it is SO good to see that you understood what was going on with the visions Molly has. Jami will attest that it was not clear in the first draft! Haha.

Thank you so much again :)

Sarah xo


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