Reading Reviews for Where Our Voices Sound
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Remus Beneath The Surface

5th February 2014:
Hello! Here I am with your review swap! Thank you so much for taking me up on the offer!! I really appreciate it! And I'm so sorry for taking forever! Work and life just get in the way. However, here I am!

I have to say, my story falls flat on its face when compared to yours! Just the beginning, the part about the lake, was...wow! I love how you mention how the lake could've been somewhat "poisoned" by the magic. I mean...it's a possibility to be honest.

Your description is just amazing! I love details so the picture you painted in my head with all the details was beautiful. You have great flow and wording that it feels like your story just comes to life. Ugh, I'm jealous of your talent, hahaha.

The line:

She shook her head back and forth, thin tendrils of hair--like that she'd seen on the human girls at the surface--flowing back and forth and tickling my cheeks." You changed from third person to first towards the end.

Now I want to know who Viviene's father is! Is he important? Someone we know?! Ah!

Woo, finally done! this is a long chapter but I finally finished. I really liked this story! I would love to see what happens next. Is Viviene going to conquer Prince or is she going to fall for Albus instead? Ah!

I have absolutely no CC except that perhaps the chapter was a tad bit too long. However, I saw why it was that long and it makes sense. I've read the original Little Mermaid so it makes me wonder if you're going to do the whole "happy ending" or just make it sad like the fairy tale. This'll be a very interesting read!

Anyway!! Thank you so much for doing the swap with me and once again, so sorry I took forever to come and review your story.

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey Rosie,

Never fear! I totally understand about real life swallowing up all your time. Happens to all of us :D

First, your story certainly does not "fall flat on its face". Bah! I thought your story concept was fascinating. Nice of you to say that. But give yourself some credit, missy!

About the lake description--I'm so glad you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing that. And then I just had to wonder, what came first, the lake or the magic? It was really interesting to consider (to me, at least--Advanced Magical Pollution Theory should totally be a Hogwarts class).

Thank you so much for your sweet words! They really do mean so much. I'm glad you think I have talent, most of it is probably less innate ability than just the result of a lot of hours spent hunched over a keyboard, and a lot of reading. Like, maybe too much ;)

But thank you!

Oh! And thanks so much for the CC. I didn't even notice that, but I really appreciate your letting me know. I would be lost without you guys, truly. :)

Viviene's father...muahahaha! I mean, he's certainly important to Viviene. As for who he is...he has certainly been mentioned in the books at some time. And that is all I will say, for now. It's important to keep an aura of mystery, and all that ;)

And as for who Viviene falls for, if anyone, I certainly can't reveal that at present.

It is a bit long, isn't it? I need to go back and split it up. Perhaps once I add another chapter. I should probably post one soon. I've been focusing on my other fic, Traitorous Hearts, but I suppose that this one needs some love.

Thank *you* for swapping with me! I had fun, and I really appreciate your thorough review. You're a star! Thank you so much!

--Penny


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Review #2, by Lululuna Beneath The Surface

7th December 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your review swap - I actually read and loved and favourited this story ages ago, but didn't leave a review for some reason- I'm sorry! :( But this seems like a good chance to leave some love since I think this is a fantastic and really creative story and you really deserve many reviews on it. :)

Ok, let's start at the beginning. I really enjoyed the folklore of the lake and the creatures there, and the history of the lake and its magic. It was a really great intro and sounded like the beginning of a fairytale, capturing that mystical element of storytelling.

Your description is beautiful! The image of the boys swimming was so vivid and clear, and I loved how Albus and Prince are dark and light, like two sides of a coin. The narrative voice in your story is really strong and powerful... I can feel the presence of the narrator, but in a really unique, intriguing way, like I was being told the story instead of simply reading it.

Prince and Albus are great characters so far. I really enjoy how close they are, and the idea of getting initiated into the "Adders." I like Albus here: he seems mysterious and a little prestigious, but in a unique, rich kind of way. Naming Tristan "Prince" is a great call too, and I love the idea that he might be some distant relative of Snape's. I mean, Snape's mother might have been disowned, and just because we never hear about any other Princes doesn't mean they weren't out there, being pureblooded and getting tanned. :P But the name is a clever tie-in with the mermaid story.

Viviene is such an interesting character, and I love the backstory- how's she different from the others, how lonely and curious she is. I also enjoyed the mention of the chest of gold at the bottom of the lake, and how it reminded her of the boy- almost objectifying him, in a way, which was an interesting symbol.

Ok, so I have a mild fear of deep water, and you really brought that to life here when Viviene is going to rescue Prince. I was wincing a bit, it was so vivid and clear to me. I could also really feel Albus' desperation, plunging around in an enormous lake in the dark trying to find his friend. That would be a really helpless feeling, I think, and I was a little frightened - in a good way - just reading about it.

A couple amazing lines which really stood out to me:
releasing more rust-coloured clouds of blood that floated around them, their cruel little faces slashed in half by sharp, wicked grins.

Bright lights danced before her eyes like mischievous will-o-the-wisps.

These were so beautiful! I really should be quoting the whole story back to you, but those were a couple which stood out.

I wonder if Vivene's father was part of the Weasley clan?! I loved the descriptions of Grotta's cave, from the lanterns with glowing fish to her sightless eyes. It's quite interesting too, how she seems to have these other powers which are like wizards doing accidental magic, but also related to the lake in a way. I'm really excited to learn more about her heritage!

Since I know a little about the original story of the little mermaid, I can guess what "the waters will receive you" might mean based on the mermaid's fate in the story. :( And I wonder if Prince truly counts as a "prince" for Viviene to keep her human form? So much suspense! I love how she didn't know what a prince was, it hinted at her naivety when she does go onto the land.

The shift from the mystical world in the lake to the everyday banter at Hogwarts was really interesting, and I'm excited to see how Viviene finds a place in that world that's so different. Something I really liked was the house unity between the group- like how Fred's secret society pin is a snake, but he's a Gryffindor, for example.

Viviene speaking Mermish was a really clever detail with the mermaid losing her voice twist. Ah, you've really thought of everything!! And Albus knowing mermish as an elective was great too, haha. I love the idea of Court mermish, and a kneazle in a blender. :P

Aw, I love Neville for quoting Dumbledore's line. And quite excited that there's a rude Parkinson to stir up some trouble. :P

I love this story, as I'm sure you can tell from this review. :) Thanks for swapping with me, and I'll be keeping my eye out for updates in the future! :D

Author's Response: Hello!

First of all, thank you for reading! And favoriting! I'm so honored :D And it's totally okay. I try to review everything I read, but sometimes it's late, and I tell myself I'll come back and write a proper review later rather than some sort of zombie scribble then, and I forget. So I totally understand, and I appreciate your compliments!

Ooh! What you say about the story-telling voice is just so nice! I'll have to really make sure to bring that through in the next chapter. Gives me something to focus on, so that's great! This was for the Fairy Tale Challenge, so it was really fun to try to create that sort of vibe. I'm so happy that it came across without seeming forced!

The Adders are possibly my favorite part about this story, at least right now. I wanted to have a secret society, and it helped Prince to have that sort of royal aspect to him, as he's their leader. Every prince needs his knights. And yes, once I remembered Snape's mother's maiden name, I almost started jumping for joy. It was just perfect for my plans! And having Albus Severus Potter befriending a distant relative of Snape was fun, too.

You're right! She's totally objectifying him. He's a foreign idea to her. It always struck me, in The Little Mermaid (well, I mean, not always. When I was little, I thought it was the perfect love story, but still) that they had never even spoken, but she was "in love" with him. Viviene is a little more honest about that--she's interested in finding a place where she can belong. Prince is part of that because he has to be. She doesn't fancy herself in love with him right now, but she's certainly interested. Tristan has that effect on people ;)

Oh my gosh, I love water, and writing that section scared me! I'm so glad it scared you, too! Er..I mean, um, sorry?

Oh my gosh! Favorite quotes! I *love* favorite quotes! Thank you! You are just so sweet!

Muahahah! The absolute best part about writing stories is knowing the secrets. I do know who Viviene's father is, and I plan on revealing it, in time ;)

I loved writing the everyday Hogwarts banter after all the drama. It was probably jarring, but hopefully not in a bad way. I did want to really convey that she was entering a whole different world, and I'm glad that it seems to have come across.

YAY! So glad you liked the Mermish bit. That was my favorite part (other than the Adders. Okay, so I have a few). It gave me a chance to work in the voicelessness, but the great thing is that she can still communicate with some people, and can learn English. Which is nice for me because, though I am ALL IN FAVOR of portraying disabilities like being unable to speak, I really don't think I'm a good enough writer yet to pull that off for a novel-length story. So, it's a bit of a cheat, but I hope it will lead to a better story :D

Thank you for your wonderful review! It was great swapping with you. I'll try to update this story soon. It's sort of taken a backseat to my main fic, Traitorous Hearts, but after I get the next chapter of that posted, I'll try to give this one a new chapter as well. Thanks again for the lovely review!

--Penny


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Review #3, by Red_headed_juliet Beneath The Surface

27th November 2013:
Sorry it took me so long to return the review!

I think this is an incredibly interesting idea! Little Mermaid turned HP. Very nice indeed. I especially liked the parts from Viviene's point of view. Your description of the underwater going-ons was very enlightening, and I I'm curious to see how it turns out. Hopefully you've got more chapters planned.

As for CC, I could only find two spots that needed a little work, and when I say little, I mean little. Lol. There was a paragraph towards the beginning where the first three our four sentences start with 'they'. Just thought it would flow better if you switched it around a bit. You know, 'the students gathered there' 'all of the boys' something like that.

And then in the Rose narrative, when she's talking about taking mermish, you slipped into third person and used 'my classes'. Like I said, just little things.

All in all, I liked it quite a bit. +]

Author's Response: Don't worry about it! I've had my fair share of moving experiences, and I know how crazy it gets carting all your stuff to a new place.

Thank you for your kind review! I do have more chapters planned--I was actually working on them just the other day. Traitorous Hearts is my main fic right now, but I'm working on constructing the background for this at the same time.

Thank you so much for your CC! I really appreciate it. I've been meaning to go in and edit this chapter, so I'm so glad you caught those and let me know : )

It was a pleasure review-swapping with you! Best of luck with the whole moving thing.

--Penny


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Review #4, by lindslo2012 Beneath The Surface

23rd November 2013:
I loved this!
I can not come up with any CC at all because everything was so wonderfully written and brilliant! :) first fanfic I have read about the Black Lake!
-Linds

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it :)


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Review #5, by heartjily4ever Beneath The Surface

14th August 2013:
Okay this is seriously amazing. I love the Little Mermaid, and you have put such a beautiful spin on it.
I really like the whole selkies thing. I saw it in the summary, and was so excited. I've read quite a lot of Scottish folk lore, living in Scotland, and I don't hear people calling it that very often. I love it.
I really like Viviene. I think the way she is part human is so clever, and how she looks ever so slightly different. It reminds me of something, which i really can't remember. It's like on the tip of my brain. But, the way she looks slightly human, is cool. I do wonder who her father is though. I hope we find out.
I love Prince and Potter. They go together so cute, and I love that you haven't made her fall in love with a Potter. Its very original. I like it. Prince seems cute, and I'm interested how she learns to speak to him if she can't speak English. Plus I think it's a good twist to have them all know she is a mermaid.
Also having Mermish as a class! I would totally take that class. Even though I'm rubbish at languages, that one seems cool.
I can't wait for the next chapter. If there is one? Hopefully. Love it.

Author's Response: To begin with: Thank you! You are so sweet!

I like the selkie thing, too. It's actually something I found out about on the Harry Potter Wiki--the fact that Scottish mermaids are called selkies in the Potter-vers (merrows in Ireland). Of course I've heard of them in the seal people way (which now I totally want to write about, separately, as well) and I always loved those stories, too. Scottish folklore is awesome! The stories of your people are legit :D

I'm glad you like Viviene. I'd love to know if you figure out who she reminds you of--feel free to P.M. me if you think of it!

Haha, I *do* know who her father is. Perhaps you will find out--I certainly intend it to be a plot point. Vague answer. Evil laughter. Muahahaha.

Aw, Prince and Potter, BFFs forever! I love me a good bromance. However, I will say that she isn't yet in *love* with Prince. She does need him, though, and she finds him attractive. He would be lucky to have Viviene in love with him, but as for now, there are lots of ways for the various romances in this story to go. I don't like sure things. We'll have to see how it works out :D I like to keep you guessing, at least to an extent--but there is a long way to go before we find out how it ends : D

I do indeed intend for their to be another chapter, and many more after that! I'm so grateful for your review, and for your reading this story! Hope you continue to enjoy it! Thanks again for your kind words. I loved reading your thoughts.



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Review #6, by broadwaykat Beneath The Surface

13th August 2013:
Wow - I'm definitely going to start this review off by complimenting that you did your homework. Throughout most of this story, I was wondering where you meant to be getting Selkie from (I know them from the traditional seal-people lore, and was wondering if this was a different type of mermaid) - and then right at the end you cleared that up for me! So good show with that, and with continuity.

Thus far, I really enjoy your characterization of each of the worlds. It is both different and feels canon to the books that we know, seeing as the second part of our group are the second generation. Little touches, such as allowing mermish as an elective (so YA! Not as much pantomime as I thought was going to happen, at least with Al for translations, perhaps!) really broaden the world.

Also, you seem to do really well with dialogue - which is always one of the hardest things to right. But it seems to flow really well in your story, between characters.

Just to be picky, I did notice one or two things. One, there is a section between Grotta and Viviene when the former is explaining about needing some sort of royalty to be bonded to her to remain human, where when you switch back to talking with/as Viviene, it's done in first person ("I" voice) which I didn't see happen anywhere else - so I thought I'd point it out.

Also - slightly confused about Tristian Prince - which, doesn't really have a HUGE impact on the story, but I was wondering. Is he supposed to be related to the Prince family - aka Eileen Prince, Snape's mom? Just wondering for future reading purposes, to clear things up in my own head.

Overall, a good first start. I look forward to reading what comes next!

Author's Response: First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time to organize such an awesome contest. I had so much fun with the idea, which I couldn't have had without you, so, many thanks :D

Second, thank you so much for the encouragement! I'm really glad you liked it, especially the Mermish bit. I knew it was tweaking the story a bit, but I thought it would make the story more interesting if she could communicate, but through a language barrier, than being 100% mute, just to add a twist. Personally, language barriers and overcoming them interest me a lot, so I thought it would be a super fun thing to explore. And I'm glad you liked the selkie thing--I hope it wasn't distracting the whole time, but I'm glad the text note cleared up confusion.

Thank you for being picky! I like picky! I will fix that thing as soon as I can, and I'm so glad you pointed it out! My bad!

Tristan Prince is, in fact, related to Eileen Prince, and thus to Snape. How, exactly, we don't yet know in this part of the story. But, yes! I saw the name and was like, "Hey, there's a prince in the Little Mermaid story." I thought that this could be a way to incorporate that element without having to have literal royalty flitting around Hogwarts. But the surname thing may complicate matters a bit, too. We'll see ; )

Thanks so much, once again!



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Review #7, by JShu21 Beneath The Surface

8th August 2013:
I love the idea!! Please update soon!

Author's Response: I shall indeed try to update as soon as possible! I'm really enjoying this idea, although I'm overdue for an update on my other fic, so I'll have to do that first. However, once I put up the next chapter for that, I'll try to post the next chapter of this story shortly thereafter. But thank you so much for taking the time to review! I really appreciate that!

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Review #8, by rozen_maiden Beneath The Surface

8th August 2013:
This was amazing! I saw your post on the forums, and I clicked on it and started reading - I was really blown away by the whole story. Then I realised that your are the author of Traitorous Hearts! (Which I just adore) Your writing is just amazing, and it flows so well, no matter what you are talking about. Honestly, it leaves me breathless sometimes.
I'm excited for the next update. You have a really interesting appropriation and plot going here. You're fast becoming one of my favourite writers on this site - you really have a gift and you use it well :)
I'll leave you now, as I fear I gush a little too much. Overall, awesome job and I can't wait to read more of your exquisite writing! :)
Mahalia

Author's Response: First of all, I need to apologize for taking so long to answer this awesome, incredibly kind review. I can't even describe the size of the smile it put on my face when I first read it. It's one of those that uplifts me every time I see it. Those were such nice compliments--I'm just like, arhg! Flailing with excitement that you liked it! And Traitorous Hearts! Thank you so much, and I hope I continue to write in such a way that you enjoy the stories!!! Thank you for your kind words--you can't imagine how much they mean. You're the best!



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Review #9, by Chivalrous Beneath The Surface

7th August 2013:
I loved it!! I can't wait for the next update! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it--thanks for reading :D I'm looking forward to updating this one too!

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Review #10, by Lunalovegoodlover7869 Beneath The Surface

7th August 2013:
I love your writing, and please don't make your chapters shorter!

Author's Response: THANK YOU! :D

And okay--perhaps I wont then. I was thinking more for the point of story flow, but if you think it ought to remain as is, I am certainly willing to reconsider.


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