Reading Reviews for The Spider's Web
  
39 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon Dipping Toes

20th April 2014:
Hello again!

A bit disappointed I'm at the end here! Things seem to be whirring into life on the professional, personal, and paranormal levels!

Once again I enjoyed the family dance that went on in this chapter - complaints from the Malfoys, mind games between Lily/Rose - so true to life.

It's also a delightful touch they'll be using Muggle equipment on this mission in a bastion of pureblood supremacy. I wonder what they'll find?

I think in large part the story has improved chapter by chapter and it is really getting interesting at this point. I'm not sure if you have any plans to continue, but let me know if you do because I'd like to see what happens.

Thanks for sharing!

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Review #2, by TidalDragon Malfoy Place

20th April 2014:
There we go! Scorpius does have a heart! I thought the Scorpius/Draco/Astoria dynamic was probably the best part of this chapter! Astoria's perspective seems so tragic while Scorpius and Draco seem locked in bitterness due to a lifelong misunderstanding of one another. I have to say I'm also very glad that you didn't make Draco into this wonderfully reformed individual. That seems to happen too often and it's nice to see you didn't take the bait.

Spirits at Malfoy Manor is definitely a unique twist on this first case though. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet - I'll probably know once I (hopefully) see it in action.

Good work on this chapter. It was probably my favorite yet!

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Review #3, by TidalDragon Secrets

20th April 2014:
Well! The ladies just really don't like Lily do they? First it's Bridget, peppered with a little condescension from Rose, and now Hermione. Ouch.

As for the other characters it seemed from what we saw of them they were all believable in their roles. I was a little struck by the fact Harry would confide the reason for Scorpius's move in his daughter, even if she is his new partner. For me it just seems like something very against protocol. Harry's certainly not one for rules, but he's also a classy guy, so it threw me a bit. I know he's not doing it in an intentional "throw-him-under-the-bus" kind of way and is maybe even doing it to try and be helpful...I don't know.

I'm interested to see what happens with Malfoy Manor in the "big chapter" coming up.

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Review #4, by TidalDragon The Field

20th April 2014:
Hello again!

First of all - an erumpent! Huzzah! I always enjoy it when people include clever and infrequently used magical creatures in their stories and the way your portrayed its movements and reactions felt very "wild animal" to me - in other words authentic.

Second, I liked the characterizations. Bridget continues to be ice cold - at first I considered her just resentful, but three months on it's clearly beyond that. I am wondering what her deal is. Ernie, amusing, but as Lily thinks, also a tad creepy, especially since she's "his new favorite". Is he one of THOSE bosses? Scorpius was believable, not as mean-spirited at his father and more courageous, but just not to be bothered with inexperience and training-type work. What made him switch to the ID from being an Auror I wonder? As for Lily, it's interesting how much tension there is inside her about not taking advantage of her familial connections and status (especially her dad) but how alike she really is to him. Scorpius comes out and says it, but it's well-written all through the scene - instinctual, talented, and courageous - but also possessing a notable streak of recklessness.

Well-written and I'm looking forward to reading more!

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Review #5, by TidalDragon 1. First Day

20th April 2014:
Howdy! So I'm in a race against time to complete my goal of R&R-ing all the nominated stories and here I am!

As a Next-Gen piece (which I had never read ANY of until starting a review thread), this story immediately strikes me as interesting. First, it's not at Hogwarts. Second, it's not relationship-centric. And third, it focuses on Lily Potter.

I think this chapter was a nice start. Rather than rush too headlong into things, you took time to give us a real picture of Lily through her actions, thoughts, and feelings.

It also took a shot at Harry's fame being a double-edged sword for his children, which is SO often neglected. Obviously at school and even the real world afterward, there will be those that fawn over Harry's kids because of who they are. But equally there will be people like Bridget who resent them and I think it adds some depth to the world you're writing in that you acknowledge that.

Looking forward to reading more!

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Review #6, by maraudertimes 1. First Day

19th March 2014:
Hello!

Ooh, I really like the premise of this story! Lily seems like such a doll and Bridget seems like such a... not a nice person, shall we say? I'm excited to see how Scorpius Malfoy fits in to all of this, especially how he and Lily's relationship progresses. Will they not like each other at first? Will they never like each other? Will they remain platonic friends?

Anyways, other than that, there were *so* many amazing moments in this. This may seem a little strange, but I adored how you said that Lily's hair was wet at the nape of her neck, because you told me (the reader) that she was nervous, but you didn't actually *tell* me. It was very discreet and subtle and I really like those moments.

I also love how Lily is nervous because she thinks people will believe she got the job because of who her father is - a very decent reason to worry, especially since it seems they do (Bridget is still a cow though). It really shows dimension with the characters and the plot line and I really loved that little detail.

Oh I loved the ending with all her cousins! I think my favourite is Lucy, although I do appreciate Rose's levelheadedness. The interactions between all of them was spectacular though, and it really showed how tight-knit the Weasley/Potter family is, which I really loved to see!

Absolutely phenomenal job! This was really great and hopefully I can come back to this ASAP!

Lo:)

Gryffindor vs Slytherin Blackout Battle Review 3/6

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Review #7, by ShadowRose Dipping Toes

14th March 2014:
Hello Jenny! I just couldn't resist coming back for chapter 5!

This chapter consisted of a lot of interactions and not as much mystery, but it was still a really great chapter nonetheless - the conversations between the characters are really great and show quite a bit about them.

Oh my gosh, I felt so much secondhand embarrassment for both Scorpius and Lily when Ernie came in that I actually had to stop reading for a moment to get it out of my system! Wow, to say all of those private matters and occurrences so loudly? Geez, I really want to whack him on the head and remind him that there's a certain thing called privacy and speaking quietly. Poor Scorpius and Lily - they were already so awkward, and now even more so! Plus, Ernie's behavior seems a bit sketchy… Letting the two of them go alone on a mission that should require a team? Giving them odd Muggle tools and forcing them to learn how to use it on the job? Forcing them to leave almost immediately? You mentioned something about an odd look in his eyes, and I get the feeling he's up to something, although I could just be reading too far into things - I do that a lot, actually! :P

Ooh, and Rose comes in too! I find it funny that she tries to pretend she's there to see Lily, when it's blatantly obvious that she's there for Scorpius. She seems a bit jealous, especially after walking in the two of them laughing so hard at something completely ridiculous. Her behavior seems a bit derogatory towards her cousin, but then again, she's Hermione's daughter, so I can't say I'm surprised. Now I'm just interesting to find out exactly what's going on between her and Scorpius!

Lily and Clive - that'll be a fun date. I love that she just blurted that out, almost to make sure she didn't seem like a third wheel in the conversation. She's so adorable, blushing red like that and having to defend herself from a cheeky Scorpius. And aww, she's starting to like him a little bit, even if she doesn't think she does! I love that little twinge of hurt when she sees the two of them together - it's so sad! On a really random note, I keep reading Clive as Chive, so I'm picturing an herb instead of a person - silly me!

Overall, another really great chapter! I loved all the interactions here, but I can't wait to see what happens with Malfoy Manor in the future!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 5/6 on staffer stories)

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Review #8, by ShadowRose Malfoy Place

14th March 2014:
Hello Jenny! I'm back again for the next chapter!

Wow, this was definitely a dramatic chapter - there's a ton of tension and emotion woven throughout it and it was so much fun to read!

Okay, I think I like Scorpius again (my opinion of him keeps fluctuating and I feel kind of bipolar but he's definitely much better in this chapter than he was in the last). He's definitely softened to Lily, and while he does snap at her at the start of the chapter, he's much softer when they're actually at the Manor, despite the way he may be acting with his parents. Speaking of which, you do a great job showing the disconnect between Scorpius and his parents (well, mostly Draco) in this chapter - it's loaded with tension. I can definitely see why Scorpius is so against Death Eaters now, given his father's behavior.

I do like your characterization of Draco - most next-gen stories have Draco softening up quite a bit, but here, he's definitely just as hardened here as he was in the books, maybe even more so. I do like that you've included little details though, about Draco keeping the biscuits and things like that, to show that Draco still loves his son, despite the estrangement between them. Astoria's an interesting character as well, purely because she's almost the opposite of Draco, and keeps trying to keep them from fighting the entire time and is genuinely kind to both of them.

Lily's determination is just fantastic in this chapter; despite her complete inability to lie, she tries anyway and goes through with interviewing the Malfoys. She's also really good at keeping a level head, but then when the moment's just right, she snaps and makes me love her all that much more. I love that, despite her dislike of being know for her last name, she isn't afraid to pull the Harry Potter card when the situation calls for it. She definitely puts Draco in his place on that one.

Wow, so Malfoy Manor is haunted? That's definitely creepy! It seems like the Manor's a bit like the Shrieking Shack would have been if it were actually haunted. I can't wait to see how that plays into things.

Overall, this was another really great chapter! You've definitely created some great drama, both within individual family relationships, the dynamic between Lily and Scorpius, and the upcoming mystery involving Malfoy Manor. I've really loved this story so far - keep up the good work!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 4/6 on staffer stories)

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Review #9, by ShadowRose Secrets

14th March 2014:
Hi Jenny, I'm back again!

I think it's kind of funny that I'm always thinking of how independent Lily is, meanwhile she sees herself as such a pushover - but then again, people tend to see themselves differently than how other people see them. She definitely does let people treat her how they want, but she stands up for herself in situations where it really matters, so I respect her for having that kind of discretion between what's worth fighting against and what isn't.

I'm really interested in this enmity (although it's really just one-sided enmity, to be honest) between Lily and Hermione. I'd think Hermione and Lily would get along great - they have such similar traits, both hardworking, more focused on books than appearances, and working in Magical Law Enforcement - so there's gotta be something major that happened that makes Hermione dislike Lily. I hope you'll go into greater detail about that later into the story - it's definitely a very unique element of the story.

Speaking of this scenario, I really like that you only mentioned that Hermione dislikes Lily once, but showed it through actions for the rest of the scene. It really drives home her distaste without having to constantly bring it up in narration. It's always better to show, not tell, and you do just that here.

I like that even through the little snippets of dialogue that each Weasley or Potter has, we see a lot about their character. When working with so many people in one scene, that's definitely a struggle, so it's impressive that you managed to work all of those in there.

Ooh, I'm not sure I like Scorpius as much in this chapter. He got demoted for being rude, and now he's flirting with Bridget? I can't imagine he genuinely likes her, as she seems a bit of a cow, like Lily said, so I guess he's just doing it to get a step towards getting back into the Auror field. That's definitely his inner Malfoy making an appearance.

I'm so intrigued with this Malfoy Manor thing. Looks like Scorpius has a few skeletons in his closet, given his reaction to all of this. That'll be fun to see unfold, for sure. :)

Overall, this was another really entertaining chapter! I was actually intending to only do two chapters of this story today, but you ended with a bit of a cliffhanger, so now I need a resolution. So now I'm heading on to the next chapter!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 3/6 on staffer stories)

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Review #10, by ShadowRose The Field

14th March 2014:
Hello Jenny!

Please tell me you're joking when you say you hope this wasn't too boring. The entire second half was completely action packed, and even the first part had plenty of character interactions to keep in interesting. If that was a concern, be assured that this chapter was far from boring.

I still absolutely adore Lily. She's so good at standing her own, and while we still see her freak out on occasion, like with Bridget and her probation review, and when she meets Scorpius for the first time, she's very good at keeping her cool, at least on the outside. She's very good at handling herself, especially around Ernie, who's really just kind of creepy at times, and she's got just enough of an independent streak. I love how she completely proves Scorpius wrong and ends up being really useful in the mission! Go Lily! I love Scorpius's comment at the end, because yes, Lily's definitely her father's daughter.

Scorpius seems like a really interesting character as well, through what little we've learned about him. He seemed like he was definitely a bit of a troublemaker and a bully at Hogwarts, but he's not really like that anymore, since he's involved in Magical Law Enforcement. He definitely has an air of superiority that's typical of the Malfoys, but I think it's really interesting that he dislikes Death Eaters so much, considering both his father and grandfather have history with that. I hope you'll elaborate on that one. I like the relationship between him and Lily - it's not a clear like or dislike, just a relationship only cordial enough to get along with one another, which is a dynamic that's surprisingly unique in fanfiction.

Your narration is great - it has just enough description to keep the story flowing without detracting from all the action that's going on in this chapter. I think you managed the whole action scene at the end of the chapter quite well - I know personally those are the hardest types of scenes to write for me, so I definitely have respect for someone who can write a scene like that and do a really good job with it. The pace definitely kept me on my toes, and I liked the dramatics of it all, particularly with the explosion at the end.

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter - I'm really excited to see what happens next!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 2/6 on staffer stories)

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Review #11, by nott theodore Dipping Toes

13th March 2014:
Hi Jenny! I'm here reviewing for the Bingo, although really killing two birds with one stone since I read this a couple of days ago and didn't have time to review!

I'm so glad you updated this, well done to Nadia for cheering you on!

This was such a great chapter for me to get back into the story on - there wasn't so much going on that I had to re-read the last chapter to find out but I still feel like you're going somewhere with the plot. I can't believe the Malfoys complained! Well, actually I can. Silly Draco. I liked the opening with them all awkward around each other, and of course Ernie just has to go and make things even worse! I can't imagine that he even knows the word tact exists!

Rose coming along was really interesting. I wondered if you'd mention anything about the two of them in this story, since they're so popular in general, and I liked the way that you introduced her character here. There was so much tension in the air that it was almost palpable, and I felt really sorry for Lily being stuck with the two of them! I'm really intrigued about any sort of history that they've got between them and how it might affect Lily and Scorpius, as it doubtless will if they get together. Rose wasn't that likable here - I'm definitely on Lily's side in this!

Aw, poor Lily having to reschedule the date with Clive. Although I can't help laughing a little bit every time I read the name Clive, even though it's not that funny :P

And they're off to Malfoy Manor with some exciting ghost fighting equipment! I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens there, although I think it might end up being a bit scary...

Sian :)

Blackout Bingo staff reviews 1/6

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Review #12, by MissesWeasley123 Dipping Toes

7th March 2014:
Bahaha poor Lily!

See, you NEVER UPDATED SO I FORGOT AND HAD TO REREAD THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER TO CATCH UP MY MEMORY. :P Bad Jenny, bad! But also good Jenny for updatingg ♥

It was so much fun seeing Lily struggle and be all awkward around Scorpius who's really intimidating haha. And then we had Ernie on top of that being all dramtic and making the situation even more awkward haha.

Rose is such a pain, and I'm happy Scorpius doesn't giv her much attention, y'know. And him having a car is soo jokes, but really great. I bet he looks hot when driving a car, just saying.

AND POOR LILY HAHAHA DATE WITH CLIVE AND LOL.

Oh, this chapter was great.

WOOT JENNY.

Author's Response: Hahahaha I'm sorry Nadia! But as you're my little cheerleader this was updated especially for you ♥

Ernie is just one awkward person isn't he? I'm glad you got that impression from him because it definitely FELT awkward as I was writing it. And yes, Scorpius plus intimidating and mature just seems to go hand in hand, doesn't it? (As you can tell, I love Scorp!)

Oh Nadia! Should I make him wear driving gloves? I might just do that...

The date with Clive is coming up! ;)

Thank you for reviewing my lovely! ♥


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Review #13, by CambAngst 1. First Day

4th February 2014:
Hi, Jen! Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

Wow, what a nightmare of a first day! Seems like Lily is not off to a great start to her new career. You did a really good job of capturing the overwhelming feeling of being the new person in a large, busy organization. I'm sure it's doubly daunting for Lily because of her father. She probably feels a great deal of pressure to live up to a certain standard, one that's totally unrealistic for a brand new employee.

Bridget isn't making things any easier, either. What a nasty piece of work! She reminds me a lot of one of the admins where I work. This lady always tries to intimidate anyone new, like she's establishing some sort of permanent pecking order. Ultimately it always seems to backfire and, at least at this point in the story, I'd enjoy seeing it backfire on Bridget as well.

Lily's new boss makes her feel a little better, I guess, but he brings his own sort of pressure to the situation. He's so loud and friendly and, from the look of it, not overly professional in his demeanor. It seems pretty clear that Bridget resents him almost as much as she resents Lily. What a mess she's in!

I liked the way that you mixed the physical manifestations of Lily's discomfort (the weather, her sweaty hair, getting bumped and jostled on the way to her desk) with the overall stuffy, claustrophobic atmosphere of the Magical Law Enforcement Department. It was a great piece of writing, to the point where I felt like loosening my collar just a bit as I read.

The pub scene at the end served as a simply yet effective introduction of Lily's cousins. It's always good to sort out who's who and how the author imagines each of the Weasley clan.

I saw a small typo in one sentence, as well as one other thing you might want to think about changing: Lily has just about finished her first day and was grateful that Lucy had organised a small meet up to celebrate her first day, even though it had turned into a pity party. -- The typo is that I think this should begin, "Lily had just about finished..." The suggestion would be to strike the second occurrence of "her first day" because it sounds redundant and a bit repetitive.

Overall, very well written! Interesting idea!

Author's Response: Hi Dan! Thanks for taking the time to stop on by here :)

Definitely not! Thank you, I wanted to get across just how huge an organisation like the Ministry is, especially considering it appears to be the main form of employment in the UK wizarding world. And yes, I thought Lily would always have to live with that expectation so I'm glad you thought I got that across okay.

Haha!! I'm sure every workplace has someone like that! Perhaps it will backfire, perhaps not. ;) Ernie is absolutely loud, to the point where I feel uncomfortable writing him because it's so different to what I'm used to.

Thank you! I always try to focus on descriptions and immersing the reader in the atmosphere and setting that my character is in.

Yep, that's a pretty redundant point. I never have betas (oops) so I'll get that edited :)

Thanks for the review!


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Review #14, by shez The Field

2nd February 2014:
Review Swap!

So I read two chapters since the first one was kind of short and the summary was really intriguing so I wanted to see where it would go. I really the Lily/Scorpius combination--especially loving Lily--how she's such an earnest and hard worker. she'd definitely intelligent but also gets a bit intimidated and flustered by other people (i.e. Scorpius). This line:

Lily would just need to work harder than everyone else. She’d been doing that her entire life.

^really resonated with me. I love the sincerity and sheer dedication it conveys. Makes me love characters like Lily.

Ernie seemed a bit creepy but I think you mean him to and Bridget is just thekind of horrible coworker no one wants. I think Lily and Scorpius will have a very interesting dynamic--he's kind of arrogant but she stands her own against him. And oh this is a mystery! LOVE.

Thanks for writing and the review swap :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you! I wanted to make her a realistic character who is almost painfully aware of her upbringing, spending a lifetime trying to work against people's prejudices. I'm glad you liked that line, a couple of other people have commented on that too and I think it sums her up nicely!

Ernie is definitely creepy, there's more than meets the eye with him, and Bridget is so fun to write as she's so nasty. It is indeed! I'm glad you've liked this so far :)

You're welcome!


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Review #15, by nott theodore Malfoy Place

16th September 2013:
Aw, I'm glad I was able to make you smile this week Jenny!

I genuinely can't believe that some of my guesses after the last chapter were right because normally I'm awful at working out what's going to happen in stories. I really liked Scorpius's reluctance to speak at the beginning and actually tell Lily what was going on; I could tell that his family and even Malfoy Manor must be difficult things for him to talk about. It made me feel quite sorry for him, although I'm sure he deserved someone better than Bridget comforting him (I still don't like or trust her, even though that might be silly!).

Lily struggling to lie was really cute, and I feel sorry for her having having such a visible tell. I'm awful at lying too, so I could definitely sympathise, although I don't think I'm as bad at it as Lily! The way she tried to escape Scorpius without him realising what she was doing was cute, and I really like the determination in her character. She doesn't just back down when people tell her to and I think that must definitely help her in her work when she's trying to find things out.

Scorpius and Lily are starting to pay more attention to each other, I think... or maybe that's just me imagining things :P Scorpius obviously noticed that there was something Lily was up to (not that it was hard) and worked out what it was. He seemed to soften towards Lily in this chapter as well, although that could just be in contrast to his attitude towards his father.

As far as Draco is concerned... wow. I haven't ever seen him characterised like this in next generation stories but the way you wrote it was so believable. There was so much anger in his actions and words but at the same time there was clearly a lot of underlying hurt and pain. I think there's a lot of misunderstanding between Draco and Scorpius - maybe Scorpius has taken his schoolmates' insults to heart and has strove not to be like his father... Though there's probably a good dose of the usual father-son conflict in there as well. But the way you wrote it was great, and I found myself believing every word of it.

Astoria was also really sweet, almost a foil to Draco's character and personality. I could tell she really misses and loves her son and doesn't want Scorpius and Draco fighting with each other.

The fact that Malfoy Manor is haunted is so intriguing! I've never seen that idea form a major part of any fanfiction - normally they're only seen as a friendly presence around Hogwarts. I can't wait to see how you develop this in the story! With so many people having died at the Manor, and all horrible deaths, it's really believable that it could be haunted and the spirits seem to be malevolent. I do believe that Draco and Astoria moved from the Manor because they tried to hurt Scorpius though.

I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter, and this was brilliant!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian! Haha, from all your lovely reviews you leave me you always make me smile!

You were definitely on the money here! There's a lot of history there for all of the Malfoys and talking about it just brings all of those bad memories with his father back. Bridget was just being Bridget - trying to comfort an attractive man! ;)

The main thing I want Lily's character to be is determined so I'm really pleased you thought she was here. It's a trait that pretty much defines her character for me!

I think Scorpius just felt a little protective of Lily because he knows what his father's like to pretty much everyone. Lily still feels pretty much the same at the moment :P the park scene at the end was Scorpius' vulnerability coming through and Lily telling him exactly what's up. I suppose they are warming to each other a bit...

Thank you! I have never written Draco before and so was slightly terrified that everyone would hate the way I've written him, haha. I'm glad you liked his characterisation! You've understood him perfectly. I'm pleased it's a believable interpretation of him too! Astoria is definitely the antithesis to Draco but is weak and cowardly as a result.

I'm seriously so excited to get started on it perhaps as soon as the next chapter! I always think back to that scene in the eighth film where you see Voldemort just mowing down all the Gringotts workers in the hall of Malfoy Manor. There must be such a dark presence there! I can't wait for you all to read it :D

Thanks for the fab review Sian!


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Review #16, by MC_HK Malfoy Place

16th September 2013:
Hello! Sorry it took me a while to get to your lovely chapter!

I won't point out every single thing I saw, but I will give you this one that stood out to me: "As she tried to concentrate on what she was doing and failed miserably as Scorpius eventually peered curiously at her odd behaviour." This sentence kind of confuses me. The two 'as' in there kind of make it repetitive and makes it not sound right. (Sorry if I'm not making sense. I'm really tired and it's really late). I also spotted a few grammar issues, but those can be fixed with a quick read-through.

Overall, I really liked this chapter. I feel like Scorpius has sure softened a bit, but I guess that's just him re-directing his anger at his parents rather than to Lily. I also like how Lily had a bit of an edge to her, even if it was for just a moment. The details you put in were wonderful, providing me with plenty of imagery and emotion. I love this story!

-Monica

Author's Response: Hey there! That's totally fine, take as much time as you need :)

Oops! That is quite a confusing sentence. I will definitely go back and edit that very soon! I did give it a read before posting but it was quite late at night haha, clearly it needs some more thorough reading!

I think that's definitely what Scorpius is doing here. Hmm, if you thought Lily had her edge only for a moment then that's a sign I need to make her more defiant as it's a key part of a character!

Thanks for your excellent feedback and review! :)


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Review #17, by MC_HK Secrets

13th September 2013:
Hi hi hi! :)

While this wasn't particularly an exciting chapter (especially after that last one! Whew!) it was an informative chapter that I found to be very entertaining! I honestly wonder why Hermione is acting that way, because it seems not like her :( I feel like she always had the best intentions of getting along with everyone, especially her own family.

And the whole thing about Scorpius being transferred, well that kind of explains his attitude lol. And I like how you add in this little ScoRose bit in, kind of like a nod to the more popular pairing. Wait.. This isn't a ScoRose, right? I felt like I remembered this being a Lily/Scorpius! Oh bother, could you remind me of the main pairing? LOL Sorry!!

And you, bless your little fanfiction writing heart, have edited this beautifully. No spelling errors, grammar errors, or even punctuation errors. I felt like I was in reviewer heaven! Hahaha! As always, your imagery, detail, and hint at a backstory is excellent, and I'm excited to find out why Hermione is being a right b-word.

I'm very much looking forward to reading more!

-Monica

Author's Response: Hi Monica! :D

The reason that I had Hermione disliking Lily is more superficial than anything. Not everyone can be perfect and when Lily got more attention as a child than Rose, Hermione felt a little resentful of her, and then various incidents happened that escalated that tension. You can't like everyone!

Haha that's okay! The main pairing is Lily/Scorpius (eventually...) but there is perhaps a tiny hint of Scorose too... ;) just read on to find out! And yeah, Scorpius is pretty unhappy at the moment because of his demotion, but it might not be all that it seems... ;)

Aww thank you! I did quite a thorough check of it so I'm pleased :) I'm glad you liked it!

Thank you for reviewing :D


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Review #18, by MissesWeasley123 Malfoy Place

13th September 2013:
Aw the dedication :) Thanks Jenny!

I was so excited to finally get to see Draco. You mentioned in your response that you were planning to write both him and Scorpius, so I was trembling with excitement for this chapter! Not to mention that this has been your longest yet! (keep writing chapters like this by the way)

As you know, Dramiones are my guilty pleasure. So I've read Draco's character multiple times and some authors can pull him off, while others really play around with his dialogue and make it a bit OOC. I loved how you did Draco in this. I feel like you can pull off any character - and you do Draco so well! His voice that I hated in the books filled my brain and my neck twitched because I just felt so much hatred... grr...

But then again, I felt bad for him because he's Draco and he did have some choice, but at the end of the day the atmosphere he was around wasn't a great one.

Ghosts!? This is so cool! I think it takes originality to a whole nother level! It's... different because ghosts are usually found in Hogwarts floating around. I can't wait to see how you take that concept and weave it in your story!

A fantaburrific chapter! (yes that's a word.)

Author's Response: You're very welcome! :)

I was so excited to write Draco and I'm just pleased to include him in somewhere! I've never written him before so I'm honestly so pleased you like my interpretation of him, especially as I was a bit worried people wouldn't like him. It's so sweet that you think I can pull off any character! *turns into pile of mush*

Draco grew up with those bad influences and sometimes I think that he perhaps isn't as reformed as everyone thinks, hence my interpretation of him here. Scorpius breaks away from the Malfoy mould that was created for him but at the cost of losing his family.

I'm really excited to get started on the paranormal activity and even more excited for people to read it! It's coming... ;)

Thanks for your fab review!


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Review #19, by missclaire17 Malfoy Place

12th September 2013:
Ah Jenny, you're killing me! *just kidding xD*
It's really sad, about the strain between Scorpius and Draco. Lily is obviously trying to be as neutral as she possibly can, but knowing that Draco was there when all those people were murdered and when her aunt was tortured obviously didn't warm her up to him that well. But knowing how much Draco hated being a Death Eater, and how he was forced into it, and how affected Draco was, it's sort of sad the way that Scorpius views his father. He thinks his dad is this big horrible Death Eater like Lucius, so he doesn't want any part of that. Yet, I don't think neither Scorpius or Lily (I say Lily because she was there and saw the whole thing) really understands what Draco went through. It's part of the reason why Astoria stays with her husband instead of trying to fix things with her son; she understands what Draco went through but Scorpius doesn't. AHHH IT MAKES ME SO SAD :( It makes me so sad because if I were Draco, the things that Scorpius said would hurt me too, and obviously the only way I could deal with it is through anger. So sad, that the Malfoys are so broken up and torn up like that. I always saw the Malfoys as one solid unit, even if they had their arguments and their hardships, they were still one. I really hope that the two of them can work things out in the end.

I can definitely believe that Malfoy Manor is haunted; I had always been torn between wondering whether Draco and Astoria would move out or whether they would stay in Malfoy Manor. To me, both would make sense. However, for the purposes of this story, the fact that they moved out (and their home is as grand as I would have expected it to be) made perfect sense. Draco cares for Scorpius far more than Scorpius will realize, in my opinion. Or maybe that's just because I have sympathy towards anyone who went through the war, especially so young.

Awesome chapter, even if you did make me sad xD

Author's Response: Nooo Claire! But the Malfoys/Scorpius estrangement had to happen :P

Yeah, it is sad. I'm glad you could understand Lily's viewpoint and how Draco was on the opposite side to her parents during the war, and so wouldn't exactly feel kindly to him. And yes, Scorpius perhaps paid more attention to what those schoolchildren said about his father and reached his own conclusions, thus wanting to be as different from him as possible. Draco reacts with anger because he just doesn't know what to say to his son and is perhaps still a little too above apologising.

Good! I want it to be believable so I'm glad you think their moving out is. And he does indeed, but Scorpius is too blind to see it. Lily is just touching the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Draco and Scorpius!

Thanks for reviewing Claire and I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D


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Review #20, by MissesWeasley123 Secrets

12th September 2013:
Hiya! Been going around and trying to catch up on reviews... any-who!

Wotters!! Yay! I think this chapter was so big on characterization. I think every piece of dialogue had to be thought out well beforehand - and you certainly did think it through. I was with them in that dinner table and again the few lines Rose, Hermione, Hugo, Albus, James, and even Harry said were well written and characterized. I like how you spice it up a bit and don't go for the thoroughly cliched route. It's fabulous actually.

The whole bit about the Erumpent too - again, so clever for you to fit that in. I don't remember whether or not I mentioned that in the last chapter, oh well- I liked the inclusion of something we already knew of and it just brought back great glimpses and memories. Great job with that!

An amazing chapter Jenny!

Author's Response: Hey Nadia! *hugs* I seriously need to catch up on reviews too...

Thank you! It did take a bit of work to plan this chapter and to make sure that all the components I had planned fitted together. And yay, I like breaking the rules a little bit so I'm glad you appreciated that!

Well it would definitely be a hot topic of conversation I thought, so I just had to include it! How often does one get to write about an Erumpent anyway? I'll take all the chances I can get. ;)

Thanks for reviewing lovely!


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Review #21, by marauderfan Secrets

11th September 2013:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review (and sorry about the delay! I just moved to a really remote place and my internet and electricity are really spotty. Anyway, sorry for the long and unnecessary explanation too. Onto the review!)

Two things really stood out to me about this chapter. 1 - Hermione doesn't like Lily! I was so, so shocked at this actually, because I've never seen it before in fan fiction. It was so unexpected. And I like unexpected - so while I'm sad that Lily's aunt doesn't like her, I think it's really original and so that's a great twist.

2 - MALFOY MANOR. What a place to end the chapter! I really can't wait to see how this turns out. I can't see Scorpius divulging lots of family secrets to Lily, but he's going to have to say something. Or else it'll be really awkward. And seeing how things are going for Lily so far... they may just be awkward, lol.

Your Scorpius is a really interesting character so far. There's a lot I don't know about him yet, but everything that's been said about him makes me dislike him. Of course, it's from Lily's POV and she doesn't particularly know him either and all she gets is the cold shoulder, but... basically he's rude, flirts with his boss to get promoted, and doesn't care about his co-workers. What a winner. :p So that's why I'm really hoping some juicy secrets come out when they go to the Manor, haha.

To be honest, I don't have much in the way of CC. You have a wonderful writing style and I love it. There was a small typo where it says Lily voice aloud - and that should be "voiced". Otherwise, really solid chapter! I'm enjoying this story so far!

Author's Response: Hiya! Don't worry about it, I hope you're having a great time at your new place!

Haha, yeah. The Hermione/Lily feud has gotten people talking! I'm glad you thought it was original, because that's what I'm aiming for with this fic.

Yep, the majority of the fic centres around Malfoy Manor! Perhaps he will, perhaps he won't, but some secrets will need to be told in order for them to investigate...

Thank you! I love writing all of the characters in this. Scorpius is very multi-layered in this and for reasons I haven't explained yet, is not in the best mood from his demotion. There's more to him than meets the eye!

Thanks, I'll fix that little typo later. Thanks for reviewing! :D


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Review #22, by ValWitch21 1. First Day

7th September 2013:
Hi Jenny! I'm finally here to fill my side of the bargain.

I feel so sorry for Lily. The opening paragraph made me a little dizzy, and you got the sense of being overwhelmed by the chaos very clear, along with the stress of a first day. On top of that, you add the heat, the rumours of nepotism, and the fact that she might as well be stuck in an elephant stampede, which made me want to hug her even more. In her place, I'd probably have run out screaming.

I hate the feeling of insignificance Lily feels at the beginning. You walk into a place, and people consider that they have a right to trample all over you. Her questionings about doing the right thing and taking up her father's offer struck a nerve (is that the phrase?) and again, I'm connecting with Lily on so many levels here.

Lily's boss, at first glance, seems like a nice person, but he's a little too out-going for my taste so I'm not sure I like him. Besides, he seems interested in Lily's arrival only because she's a Potter, which makes him a lot less genuine and friendly. Bridget, on the other hand, immediately comes across as snooty and unfriendly. I really like that you've got these well-defined characters, as I can only assume they'll be increasingly important to the story as the plot moves on.

Daww, Hugo is adorable, trying to cheer Lily up. Please let us see more of him in the coming chapters! Having already read on and knowing of Lily and Hermione's relationship, I'm curious of how Rose fits in. She sounds a bit like Percy did in the books, patronising and with a high image of herself. Again, not sure I really like her.

The other Weasley cousins haven't been present enough yet for me to full appreciate their personalities, but from what I've seen so far, I quite like them. Overall, this was a great first chapter, and I'm eagerly awaiting your next update.

(Also, I really am so, so sorry for the time it took me to get back to you.)

Author's Response: Val! *hugs* don't even worry about it, RL is more important!

I'm pleased you got the hectic sense of the Ministry from my description! I thought it was really important to set the scene before introducing a wide-eyed and bushy-tailed Lily. It's definitely quite a trying workplace to thrive in!

I wanted to get across how Lily wants to fight her own corner because she kind of has to with all the people who will assume she got her job because of her dad. If you're connecting with Lily then that at least means I'm making her relatable! Happy times :P

Ernie is definitely a... character, and I'm really pleased you actually aren't too sure of him, haha. Some people have said that he reminds them of Slughorn! Bridget is really fun to write and is definitely not easily impressed like Ernie! They certainly will be important as time goes on :)

I can confirm that Hugo will be involved somewhat in the story, at least I'll try to include him where I can! :P I wouldn't say Rose is an entirely likeable character either, and she'll be important in later chapters too - more so than any other cousin.

Thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #23, by nott theodore Secrets

3rd September 2013:
Later than I intended to be again, but I'm here :D

It definitely seems like you're determined to break moulds in this story, and it's so interesting to read! Hermione hates Lily? I definitely didn't see that coming since the Weasleys are always portrayed as such a close and loving family. But at the same time it works, since you gave a reason for it. Although I've never imagined Hermione to be the sort of person to hate her niece, I can imagine it. She got quite jealous and horrible over Lavender at times, so I think she has it in her to be nasty to poor Lily! Again, it's another of those things in this story that are really original, and it helps it to stick out from the crowd!

Once again, your writing has this brilliant subtle quality to it (I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I hope it does!). There's great description throughout but nothing that feels to heavy or overbearing compared to the rest of the story, and after you've mentioned the fact that Hermione doesn't like Lily you use actions to reinforce it rather than anything else. I really like your writing style and I'm glad that I'm able to read a new story as you're writing it (I'm also thinking I'll have to go and read some of your other stories when I get the chance!).

Haha I loved the mention of Ron being obsessed with Sherlock; little details like that help bring the characters to life and I can definitely imagine him following the series (who wouldn't want to, though?). James and Albus seem fun and I liked their introduction.

Hmm, Rose is listening in on conversations about Scorpius? Do I sense a love triangle on the way? It might be completely one-sided, but I'll be interested to see more about that!

The reasons why Scorpius has been moved were really interesting. I realised in the last chapter that he hadn't moved voluntarily, but I wasn't sure why he wasn't working as an Auror. It made me laugh that Lily hadn't noticed he was difficult to work with beforehand - maybe she's just too nice to! He's definitely not talkative, but I wonder whether Lily will start thinking of him more in terms of being difficult to work with... although if this is a Lily/Scorpius story, I guess her opinion will have to change at some point :P

And Scorpius flirting with Bridget! I wonder if he actually likes her or if he's just trying to earn brownie points so he can get back to working as an Auror? It'll be interesting to see what happens with that!

Their next case is about Malfoy Manor? You always know exactly the right place to end a chapter so that I'm guaranteed to come back and read more! I always imagine the Malfoys to have reformed a bit, so I'm really intrigued about why their case will involve Malfoy Manor. There's also something that has me wondering about whether Scorpius is still in touch with his family, since he has 'history' with the Manor, and Bridget worries whether it might be too much for him. Then again, maybe the Malfoys don't even live in the Manor anymore. Or maybe I'm just reading far too much into things...

Anyway, a great chapter Jenny!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian, you are spoiling me with these reviews! I will be returning the favour, don't you worry! :)

Thank you! It was one of those spur-of-the-moment ideas that I had and I decided to run with it, so I'm glad you liked it. My backstory is that Lily was always more 'liked' and fawned over as a child than Rose which didn't sit well with Hermione as she is a competitive person. She then channels her frustration at Lily. At least that's my interpretation anyway :)

Honestly, that's one of the best things I've ever heard about my writing! *huggles* seriously, thank you! Knowing that someone just likes your writing style for what it is is one of the best compliments ever. *turns into puddle of gushing* :P

I shall say no more on Scorose ;) haha! Just wait and see! Yeah, I needed to create a believable reason for Scorpius leaving and his being difficult to work with was of course the natural route, haha. Don't believe everything you read though...! ;)

I will set this straight - just brownie points! Scorpius feels the same way as Lily when it comes to Bridget.

It is indeed - lots of questions, I know! I am planning to answer a great deal of them in the next chapter though so you won't have long to wait. I will say that you are pretty good at guessing my story lines but I'll just have to keep you waiting on which of your guesses are right! ;) (Reading into things has paid off!)

Thank you so much for the review Sian, you are simply the best!


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Review #24, by MC_HK The Field

2nd September 2013:
AH! I love this chapter! Oh, and sorry for the long wait :( Travelling and nonsense and whatnot.

The only problems I really have with this chapter are very minor grammar and spelling errors. Nothing a very thorough read-through couldn't fix.

This chapter is not boring at all! I really like your attention to little imagery details, and giving background on the Erumpent was very good. The personalities you give your characters *swoon* are great. I really have a hard time finding a story that has as great a characterization as yours. Scorpius is very much a Malfoy, but he doesn't seem like Draco, if that makes sense? You've made him his own person. Just like Lily is much like Harry, but she really isn't. I am loving your plot, and I cannot wait to find out what happens next!

-MC

Author's Response: Hello! That's no problem at all! I hope you had a lovely time :)

Thanks for pointing that out, an edit is coming soon! :) I'm so glad you liked this chapter though! I love focusing on my characters' personalities so clearly that is showing through. I'm so pleased you think that about Scorpius because it's exactly what I was aiming for!

Thanks for your review :)


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Review #25, by valerian7 Secrets

2nd September 2013:
Hi there :)

I think this is an amazing story so far! I just read all the chapters and was quite sad when I caught up.

Chapter one: your descriptions really impressed me. Specifically, the very first paragraph. I think you did a very good job of pulling me into your story right off the bat. I also enjoyed the characterization of Lily. She wasn't overly confident or temperamental; she was a normal woman at her first day of work. Oh, side note, Ernie creeps me out a little bit! He just seems a litttle slimy to me. Back to what I was saying... I liked how Lily was faced with real life problems on her first day of work: a reputation and a difficult superior.

Chapter two: I loved meeting Scorpius! I was very interested as to how you would portray him. To be honest I prefer this standoffish, intense Scorpius to a flirtatious, egotistical one. I think I'm really going to like him. That one line about her being "so green it hurts" stood out to me for some reason. I like the potential for him to be impressed by her improvement as time goes on. Does that make sense? Also, I didn't think the chapter was boring at all!!! Your creativity is really showing through these different cases that you've made up.

Chapter three: Hermione hates Lily?! I love this little detail! You have made this story so original in only three chapters, I can't wait to read more. I really cant get over the fact that Hermione doesn't like Lily. I'm looking forward to figuring out if there is a deeper reason why or if it's really just because she wasn't interested in her stories. Also, I LOVED her brothers in this chapter. Just those few lines and I'm convinced I'm really going to like your rendition of James and Al. They have the protective/funny older brother vibe.

I just really like this story so far and I can't wait for more!

Sammy

PS: This is the first review I've EVER left. Did I do it right?? Don't laugh at me if I somehow messed this up :p

Author's Response: Hey Sammy!

Well, firstly, let me say how honoured I feel for this to be your first review! And yes, you did indeed do it right :)

I'm glad you liked the opening chapter! I'm trying to make this story as realistic as possible and so drew from my own experience of being hired to do so. I shall say nothing on Ernie though... yet. ;)

Yeah, I had fun characterising Scorpius because I didn't want him to be fazed by the Potter-Weasley reputation. If anything he'd be against them because of his dad. He definitely will get more impressed with her as the story goes on! Lily's no idiot. ;)

I can say now that the reason Hermione doesn't like Lily is because of the small detail that Lily was more fawned over than Rose - this didn't sit well with Hermione's competitive nature, and so she channels her frustration towards Lily. Oh great! Honestly they aren't the main focus in this story so I just wanted to make them pretty older-brother-y really.

I'm so pleased you liked it, thank you for taking the time to leave a (first!) review :)


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