Reading Reviews for Myrtle
  
26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon Myrtle

6th July 2014:
Hello again!

So since this was nominated for the quote only in the Golden Paws, I hadn't actually read the story in its entirety, but now here I am with the perfect opportunity so I had to pounce.

Again, you've tackled a tough character. I honestly haven't given Myrtle much thought (I suppose like anybody else, at least in her opinion), but I think the portrayal you did of her here was very well done. It's amazing to me reading your A/N that this was your first angst piece, because I think you really struck gold on that score.

I definitely felt Myrtle's longing throughout the different phases of her days - the monotonous routine of students coming in and out, either paying her no attention or wishing she were gone; the making lists of all she hadn't accomplished before her untimely death; the yearning for just one student who wouldn't demean her further and the agony of that wait - naturally I know nothing of what it would be like to be a ghost, but those all sound very valid to me.

The best part though was word choice - naturally given your wondrous quote about the "empire of dust" (I loved that whole section there really) - but you used strong, evocative language where you needed to in order to drive home emotion and imagery and kept it simple elsewhere so as not to overwhelm or overemphasize things that weren't as critical. Getting the balance and not just the choices themselves right is so critical and you did a great job of it!

A delightful read (if angst can indeed be delightful)!

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #2, by patronus_charm Myrtle

6th June 2014:
Hi Adi, as you hadnít gotten back to me about reviews, I hope itís ok to just choose anything! :)

Wow this was such a moving story and really made me look at Myrtle in a different light. I never thought about all the things she would miss out on by being a ghost as she always seemed to be too fixated on her death to care for much else but this truly revealed another side to her. The most heart-breaking thing was when she was talking about never having children and I was just like ahaha, Myrtle donít be sad, and it just really made me think of her in another light as someone with emotions.

You had some really beautiful description in here too! Like here ĎAs the light loses its virgin freshness, and the heat begins to shine through,í and ĎI am reminded of how glorious the warmth of the light feels on my naked skiní they seemed so pure and lovely if that makes any sort of sense and you carried them throughout the story and it just made it so much more enjoyable to read with them. Ack I forgot this line ĎA single milky tear runs down my cheek.í That was really great and just made me want to hug her as her life really wasnít that much at that point.

Another thing which I found really interesting was how you emphasised how her life would just carry on and on and on and people would die but she would always be there. It was the bit about waiting for the next Golden Trio and Draco which made me realise that, and it just made the story so much more poignant. In one way, it was a happy memory as she enjoyed their company but then it was so sad how reliant she was on people visiting her for a bit of joy in her life.

This was such a brilliant one-shot, Adi!

-Kiana

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Review #3, by Veritaserum27 Myrtle

13th May 2014:
Hi!

Tagging you from review tag!

I really liked this piece. I thought you did a nice job of flitting through all the emotions of a typical pre-teen. I've always thought of Moaning Murtle (as I'm sure everyone else did) as an annoying and whiny character. I especially liked the part about how she would take all of the pain, just to feel the joys... That was really gut-wrenching.

I also never thought of the fact that Moaning Murtle wanted to be happy. She always seemed to me to enjoy being miserable and especially enjoy other people's misery. However, your descriptions of her emotions gave credence to her actions.

I think my favorite part is how fondly she remembers Ron, Hermione, Harry and even Draco. That made me chuckle to see a character who viewed all of those opposite characters in the same regard.

The constant images of the sun and the light area big part of how this story comes together. Light is associated with laughter and you, very appropriately, ended the story with that quote. Murtle longs for the light and the sun in the same way that she misses being happy and being able to laugh.

Great job!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

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Review #4, by lumos_knox Myrtle

13th May 2014:
Hi, it's me from the review swap! Just a heads up, I am a rubbish writer for long reviews, after reading the one you gave me I am afraid this may be rather short, but here goes...

Their laughter, is to me, like a chalk screeching against the chalkboard. It's painful. It's maddening. It's jarring.

What a beautiful few sentences! Even though you took it from the quote, you made those words your own and that's what makes it so amazing!

I found myself forced to keep reading, because now that we see a different side of Myrtle, a less annoying side, we see what she can really be like and who she really is.

You have honestly portrayed Myrtle in her true form, I think, and should be congratulated for that, because it is hard to do so and not leave readers feeling irritated at her. You, however, did not leave me irritated, but in awe at your writing skills.

Absolutely spot on description!

I always attempt CC but honestly there isn't any. There really isn't, it's that good.

Brilliant one-shot, PLEASE keep writing more because this is great stuff.

- lumos

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Review #5, by MyMyMiss Myrtle

17th March 2014:
Aww this part was so sad!

'I can't remember.

A single milky tear runs down my cheek.'

I was like aww no Myrtle, don't cry! :'( I was actually really impressed that you branched out threw this story, I've recently read a Myrtle story that I loved, and this one follows closely behind it, because the both of you explored another world and took the spiritual realm into another language altogether!

Your writing is very descriptive, I felt as though I was watching a movie with subtitles, that's how clear your detail was! I was really impressed with that!

'My books kept me company. I never sought anyone else. I had a boyfriend. My very first.' the first thing I thought when I read this was wow - a younger but technically older version of Hermione! I really liked the unique lengths you took with this!

~MMM

-blackout review battle.

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Review #6, by Maelody Myrtle

7th March 2014:
"Come and take my empire of dust, and I'll take your breaking heart and your tears. I will take your pain and your misery, because it is all a part of life. But, I will also take your joys, your firsts and your lasts. I will take your life, if you would wish death over it."

That was absolutely beautiful, and I can't help but think those words ring true with Myrtle. If only more people in life could understand this fact, we wouldn't be filled with so many tragedies. :(

I think this story has some definite promise of being an eye opener. It really makes one think in the life of the dead and the life of the living. Why wish to be dead when you can have so many experiences, and why wish to be alive when you can see the world forever? Though, the latter is much more sad than it is lead on to be, and Myrtle shows that. :(

I think this was just so endearing, and thought-provoking. Myrtle is a little girl, in all sense of the word, and all she wants to do is be one of those little girls who has a crush, who is worried about failing exams, and is free to roam about the castle in a way that she can explore. Though the other little girls won't let her, because they don't understand her untimely death. They don't question it because they don't want to know, and that's sad. :( They're taking their life for granted. I hope they remember that cruel laughter they had, and think back on it if ever they become ghosts! (Yes, I just wished ghostlyness on fictional characters! xD) So maybe that way they can learn not to be so mean when someone walks up just to inquire what was wrong!

This is a great story, and simply elegant and beautiful. I think you did a great job with it, and congrats on getting second on the challenge you entered it in! It's always great to succeed in something you're uncomfortable with, isn't it? :)

~Mae

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Review #7, by Lululuna Myrtle

19th November 2013:
Hello Adi! :D I'm so sorry for taking so ridiculously long to get here - I am a terrible daughter/reviewer, I know! :P

Wow, this is just breathtaking. You've really constructed such an artful, heartbreaking piece in a few words. The quote for the challenge fits so perfectly with Myrtle's experience, and I thought it really complemented the whole thing and pulled her voice and self-quesitoning and reflection together in a really powerful way. It was quite brilliant how you included little pieces of the quote, especially at the end, into your own prose.

It's funny, I've always been one of those slightly cruel people who saw Myrtle as a really ridiculous and comic character, and I don't think her portrayal in the movies helped at all to improve her image. But this story really shows how much of a victim she is, and how she's someone to be pitied as well. I felt so sorry for her when she tried to approach the girls and wished for a Harry or a Draco- it's even more upsetting as they weren't even that nice to her, yet she still thinks of them as friends even though they probably would never think to visit her or spare her a thought.

A contrast which I found really interesting was how she was talking about her former life, and how she had laughed a lot and loved books. I pictured her being the exact same in life as she was in death but this really opened my eyes to how much death would have changed her personality and stolen her spirit- in more ways than one. The thought of her dying just before she could have been kissed was really heart-breaking too, another symbol of the human contact she so craved. I wonder if her boyfriend ever came to visit her in her toilet? I hope he did. :)

It's quite interesting how you set this after the war, and how while things have changed for so many other people, Myrtle's existence remains stagnant and lonely no matter the political context.

Come and take my empire of dust, and I'll take your breaking heart and your tears. I will take your pain and your misery, because it is all a part of life. But, I will also take your joys, your firsts and your lasts. Gah, Adi! This line is just pure beauty. It gave me goosebumps, and it's so eloquently crafted and irresistibly poignant. Poor Myrtle. :(

I loved the image of Myrtle placing her heart on the floor. It was so sad when the girl told Myrtle not to moan and it destroys her confidence again. It's like she's lost her identity, her voice, symbolized in this awful girl telling her she doesn't want to hear about her pain. I thought that was a really strong metaphor about other voiceless victims in society and how because Myrtle is annoying to someone who doesn't care to listen, she's pushed to the outskirts of society and leads this really barren existence.

Another great image were her tears being associated with milk and the image of them matching the rest of her pale body. The tie-in with the last sentence there was perfect as well and a lovely way to end this wonderful piece.

In your request you asked if the angst came out well: I think my flailing and gushing through this review should assure you that you wrote it perfectly. :)

I'm sorry again for taking so long to get here, but thank you for requesting this and giving me the chance to express my thoughts on this delicate and beautiful piece of writing! :D It was truly wonderful.

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Review #8, by HollyStone73 Myrtle

7th November 2013:
Here for review tag!!! I really liked this despite how horribly sad & depressing it is. I have to admit that I liked what you have done with Myrtle. Showing a completely different side to her than the usual loner, depressed miserable girl that I normally see her portrayed as, you gave her a real life before she was killed. Really sad that no one talks to her anymore though. :( Very good job on this one! I'm glad I got to read it!

Author's Response: Hello :)

I'm so glad you liked my one shot and my rather different take on Myrtle. I'm happy to have given her a real life :p Thanks for your review! It made me happy :)


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Review #9, by Cannons Myrtle

15th October 2013:
Hi there! (again (; )

Ok this might get a bit weird/gushy so be warned..

So as I already mentioned, I've read this before and loved it.

I felt a bit intimidated though, because I think you posted it in the 'Unexpected Voice' challenge(asking if you could use it - I can't remember exactly), and I actually got given Mrytle. So I was wondering how I would compete with this!

Anyway as I was reading this I actually got really inspired and wanted to try and write something depressing, angsty, so I wrote 'Time Marches On' it's on my archive. So you inspired someone to write something! :D


The first eleven words really set the scene for the rest of it, and the rest lived up to it. I'd never read anything about Mrytle before on HPFF, so it was great. Perfectly depressing and sad, just like her.

Your description was great and my favourite bit was - ' But I cannot feel the physical pain that I so oddly long for. I want to feel human again. '

So yeah, I hope that wasn't to weird but I really did like it. :)

Author's Response: Hello again :) Good to have you back!

Haha, gush away! No complaints from my side :p
You have mentioned this to me, and I can't tell you how pleased I am! Every time I think of this story, and the reviews, whatever you have told me about it stands out. So thank you :)

Oh sorry :blush: I didn't mean to intimidate you, but I suppose it isn't a bad feeling? Knowing that I've written something that pushed someone to believe that it's good enough to be considered competition!

I've read that one and I absolutely loved it if you can tell from my review ;) I'm glad you got inspired through this! It's such a nice feeling!

Aww, thanks! I'm forever trying with descriptions, so this is nice to read :)

Thanks for this lovely review :)


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Review #10, by 800 words of heaven Myrtle

2nd October 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

Back so soon, I know. It must be some sort of record for me!

I really liked the description! For me, angst leads itself so well to descriptive writing, and having read some of your other work, I've noticed that you're a little like me, in that you rely more on dialogue than description to tell the story - and rather well, I might add. It's great to see that you've put a lot of time and effort into the description, here, though - and it really shows. There are some really beautiful expressions here.

In terms of Myrtle's characterisation, I must admit, it's definitely not the way I see her, which made it a little hard to connect with her. However, that's not really a bad thing, because it doesn't really detract from the story, or its credibility, or anything - it is my personal opinion only. I can definitely see where you're coming from, though, but I'm just having trouble seeing the justification for her feelings. I guess it's just a case of me not seeing her the same way as you do, I suppose!

I've just realised that I sounded really mean in the paragraph before. I think you've done brilliantly in showing an aspect of Myrtle that is rarely explored, which is commendable. You should be doubly applauded because you ventured out of your comfort zone on this one, and that takes a lot of courage! Overall, this is a wonderful story! Well done!

Author's Response: Hello :) This reply has been long overdue!

Thank you so much :) I usually do rely on dialogue, you're right. But I've been trying my hand at description lately, and this one-shot is a result of that! :P I agree with you. Angst is perfect for descriptive writing, which is why I decided to go with very little dialogue here.

In the books, I found that Myrtle was quite annoying. Maybe comical eve, in a certain way. But when I got this quote, I really could not think of any other character that fit as well as her. Maybe it is a case of personal opinion though :P She wasn't very bitter in the books, and I just wanted to add a new perspective!

Oh, don't worry! It's perfectly alright if you can't connect with her and there was nothing mean about it! Thank you so much :) I'm glad I took this challenge on and that you think I've done well with it!

Thanks for the lovely review, 800! :)


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Review #11, by teh tarik Myrtle

2nd October 2013:
Helloo! I'm here with your review as promised! Sorry for taking so long.

First, congratulations! I saw the results for this challenge and you did amazingly well. Also, for a first step into the deep, dark territory of angst, you did wonderfully. Myrtle was a brilliant character choice for that quote, and I think you did a great job with this short but intense character study. It's just so terribly sad, how short her life was, and just how abrupt and meaningless her death was. And it's even more depressing when you realise that Myrtle is frozen for all eternity in this state of endless despair, "cursed to haunt bathrooms", as you put it so well in your fic. The reality of Myrtle haunting toilets until the end of time, strangely, feels so ridiculous that it's almost laughable, and this ties in really well with her portrayal in the books. Myrtle in the books is more a comedic, silly character than an actual tragic one, and she certainly doesn't get a lot of sympathy from most other students. But here in your story, you've taken that ridiculous bathroom-haunting aspect of hers and really broken it down and revealed the true nature of the tragedy.

I do this often...Sitting and making lists and lists of all the things I've never done...

^ I absolutely love those lines. Ugh, it's just so desolate and I can't even imagine it. I love the detail about how she tries to refrain from looking out the window, because of course, the outside world is something that will be denied to her forever. And the idea of her sitting alone in her flooded bathroom every day counting the girls who come in and listening to their laughter and making lists of things that she never did and never will be able to do...gah! Just so...heartbreaking :((

You have some lovely descriptive parts here and there; I love all those images of light in the beginning. It gives that hopeful tone to the start of the story, but of course, the mood gets progressively darker. And of course, there were those vivid references to Myrtle's ghostly appearance, the 'milkiness' of it - it's a very unique way to describe the cloudy, translucent ghosts of Hogwarts!

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was certainly sad, but you did justice to Myrtle, who must have been quite a misunderstood character in canon, and you gave her a voice and wrote her with so much emotional depth. Lovely writing, my dear! I'm so glad I had the chance to read this! ❤ ♡

teh

Author's Response: Teh! √ʬ̬§ This has taken me the longest time and there is no excuse. I'm so sorry!

Thank you! :) It really was a challenge for me because I LOVED the quote I'd gotten. This idea refused to leave my head, and I really hadn't tried angst before. So I took up the challenge and decided to go for it. I admit, I'd never actually given Myrtle a second thought in the books. She appears to be incredibly ridiculous and her character really doesn't have too much depth. So I was wary of writing this, but I was really inspired and I really wanted to, so I went for it! I'm glad you liked it! I like that you understood the way I'd written her and that you felt that I'd captured her bottomless sorrow well. Thanks for telling me that I made the right choice for the quote :)

It is, isn't it? :( I wrote that line to convey exactly that! I'm glad you picked up on it. Also, it somehow makes it more personal, doesn't it? All these things are pretty normal things for the rest of us, but she never got to experience it.

OH WOW. Teh! YOU are like the queen of description and if YOU think that I've done a great job with the descriptive bits... dghjfhgkjf... I can't even tell you how happy that makes me! :D It made my day, really.

Woah. That's such a nice thing to say :') I'm glad you enjoyed this and felt that I delivered in terms of depth and intensity. This review has made my day! THANK YOU :) √ʬ̬§


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Review #12, by milominderbinder Myrtle

30th September 2013:
Hi! Maia from review tag here :D

So, my first thought about this is 'wow'. This was a really interesting view of Myrtle, somehow darker than the (admittedly few) fics I've read about her before. I really like your writing style. You said in your AN that you don't usually write in this style but I think you should! Your descriptions were lovely, but without being overpowering. You didn't get caught up in too much flowery description but used just enough to be really powerful. So kudos there! I also really like how you characterised Myrtle and brought us inside her head to see things from her point of view, and you gave us a really different view of her from what we got in the books, and it really gave me a lot of empathy for her.

My only real CC is that I noticed a few spelling/grammar errors, which kind of pull me out of a story when I spot them. There weren't tons though, and I am kinda nitpicky about stuff like that so it probably doesn't bother other people :P

All in all, well done! I thought this was an amazing look into Myrtle's very dark world, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

~Maia

Author's Response: Hi Maia :) I really like your name.

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! that is high praise, in deed! I must admit that I haven't read too much about Myrtle myself. But when I entered the challenge and got the quote, I sort of felt that she would fit. In fact, I couldn't think of any body else after I got the idea.

I'm glad you liked the style :) I'v started using it more and I think its more up my alley now. I'm glad you liked the descriptions and felt that I've handled it well :) it's nice to hear that to doesn't come across as being way too much.

I'm glad you liked the characterization too. I know we don't get to see much of this.

Haha, don't worry. I am too! I'm a grammar Nazi who makes typos when she's excited that she's FINALLY posted again on the archives. *hides*

Thanks again for this lovely review :) I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #13, by Erised Myrtle

16th September 2013:
Well, this was definitely a really interesting and original take on Moaning Myrtle. I loved this for a number of reasons, but firstly I'd like to say again how awesome it is that you're trying out new styles and this darker, grittier one really suits you in my opinion. More pieces like this please! ;)

So, your portrayal of Moaning Myrtle, a character which is rarely written or thought about really, was wonderful. I never really thought of the darker side of Myrtle's life and death and how she was emotionally abused in both, and you wrote her thoughts and feelings on the matter so well. The constant flow of hateful students coming in to her toilet must be genuinely awful to experience.

Her mentioning the trio and Draco as friends almost or at least 'special' made more of an impact because of this. As the only people who had thought of her as more than Moaning Myrtle they must have made her life a little more worthwhile and them leaving and forgetting about her makes me really feel for Myrtle as a reader. Serious props to you on the feels there!

I loved the hints of how different Myrtle was when she was alive too, despite the bullying. She seemed like more of a happy and smiling person, and death has actually brought her down in a sense. Who knows if that's what she was actually like in real life but it created a nice contrast in her character and worked for the prompt too.

The description here was fabulous! It really added to the inner monologue of exactly what Myrtle was experiencing and I could imagine myself there with her. I particularly loved "I will also take your joys, your firsts and your lasts. I will take your life, if you would wish death over it." - such a great line that sums up Myrtle really.

Another excellent one-shot lovely, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hi again :D

Again, thank you so much for telling me that it's original. It's such a lovely thing to hear :) Really? *drops the fluffy pen and picks up the unused angst one* I shall try this more often then!

To be entirely honest, I hadn't thought much about her either. Till this challenge came along and then, this was the only thing that fit, in my opinion. I just had the idea in my head and had to write it out. I'm glad you enjoyed it and liked the portrayal. I know that it's food for thought! Her whole experience would have been quite sad, and I took the chance and wrote about it.

Aw, thank you! I'm glad I managed to get that right. They were the only once who ever gave her a second thought, and in her lonely world, they would have certainly made an impact.

I tried to give these little tips about her earlier life to make her relate-able and to let us understand her better. Despite the bullying, she had a life. I'm glad you liked how I used to add to her character :) Thanks!

Again, description is SO important. I'm glad you enjoyed it here :) I know that it's a little sparse on the dialogue (intentionally!), so I was really hoping that the description would shine. Thanks for the lovely compliment and the review! :) I'm happy you enjoyed it.



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Review #14, by Illuminate Myrtle

9th September 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

This is a really sad oneshot. You convey Myrtle's sadness, loneliness and desperation perfectly, her wistfulness at never having a full life, while still feeling like the somewhat whiney, irritating girl we know in the original books. Her characterisation is great!

I think your prose is really good here too. It flows very well and is easy to read. You said in your A/N that this is out of your comfort zone, but you did very well and I enjoyed reading it :)

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi there :)

Thank you so much! With such characters, chracterisation is such a tricky thing. But it's also very important. I''m glad I've managed to win you over with it! It was meant to be sad, and it's good to know that that came through.

Oh wow :) thank you so much!
It's always nice to hear that it flows well. It was out of my comfort zone, mainly because of the genre. But thanks! :)



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Review #15, by LumosWeasley Myrtle

8th September 2013:
Hello, this is LumosWeasley with your requested review :)

This is truly an amazing story, I never would have guessed that it is your first attempt at angst. It's extremely believeable.

You brought Myrtle to life! I never thought of her as anything more than the whiny ghost who had a sweet spot for Harry, but you have added so much more depth and description to her. For that I applaud you :)

I think the way you left out dialogue, intentionally or not, really helped the story. It didn't break up the description and leaves a feeling of being in Myrtle's head.

One thing I did notice was that in the third from the last paragraph, the line "ripped my beting heart" should be 'beating'.

I think the quote was incorporated brilliantly. I love The Casual Vacancy and it was nice to see the connection.

One of my favorite lines was the very last because it was almost abrupt, leaving a feeling on the reader that was really deep.

Great story!

Lumos

Author's Response: Hi there, LW :)

Wow? You really think so? Thank you :) Well, it really is my first time.

To be honest, I never thought of her much while reading the books. But when I was given the quote, the idea of using Myrtle's voice just popped into my head :)

It was intentional. I intended to write something that was heavy on the description. And I'm glad I got it right :) Thanks!

Oh gosh :( I know I have some typos. I'll get around to editing them soon :)

Wow. Thank you so much! :) this was a lovely review.


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Review #16, by LilyEPotter Myrtle

31st August 2013:
Hi! Here for the Gryffie Review Exchange!

I already felt so sorry for Myrtle in the books, but you have brought the dreariness and hopelessness of her shadow of life to the front.

Your descriptions of Myrtle's feelings are very good and allow the reader to see exactly how she's still able to feel a modicum of emotions even though she cannot experience them fully anymore.

One item I noticed was "passive. .Alone". There's an extra ".".

I thought that the story flow was good, leading her from thought to thought all the while she wishes to experience the fullness of the emotion being displayed at the time.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi there :) I'm sorry I took a while with this.

I was hoping to accomplish how dull and bitter she felt about the whole thing. I'm glad that came through. Thank you so much :) As there was nearly zero dialogue, I wanted to make sure that the descriptions stood out!
Ah. I shall fix the typo. Thanks for pointing it out :) Thanks again! you've said many lovely things here :)


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Review #17, by ATLpaintingflowers Myrtle

23rd August 2013:
You are like the Queen of subtle angst. Honestly. I loved this, I literally went and read this a couple times, before I wrote this review, because I enjoyed it so much. You did really well for this being out of your comfort zone. I feel as if you went really deep into Myrtle's character and really tied things together, for example, why she was so bitter and unhappy. Your descriptiveness really made me cry, you are like seriously talented, you write beautifully. I could honestly see everything, in my minds eye sort of like a movie. Again I loved this. You kept the reader hooked the entire time.10/10

Author's Response: Woah, that's quite a title there. I'm still a first timer! :P Thank you so much :)
Haha, I know that feeling. i often feel like I have to re-read stories because I want to soak it all in. I love that feeling. i don't know hw it is for you, but I'm really happy that you wanted to re-read it :)
Thanks again! I'm glad I tried something new, especially going by all these lovely reviews!
This is as sweet as it gets. Seriously. THANK YOU :) I'm glad I managed to keep you hooked, and that you felt the writing was good. it's the greatest compliment a writer could get.
Thanks again :) You're amazing.


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Review #18, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Myrtle

21st August 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here! I enjoyed reading this piece quite a bit; sorry for being so slow with the review.

I really like the intriguing list of feelings that kick off the story -- I interpret them as a catalog of Myrtle's feelings. There are a few inconsistencies in the words that I might edit to improve the flow, though. Instead of "Anger," you might use "Angry." Instead of "Fear," try "Afraid." And maybe "Submission," Could become "Submissive." Finally, I might remove "Death." because "Dead," is used earlier.

You do a really great job of capturing Myrtle's desperation for human contact. I love this line in particular: "I can feel the loss of attachment and breaking bonds. But I cannot feel the physical pain that I so oddly long for. I want to feel

Almost everything that you include about Myrtle's life and afterlife fits with how I see her, while shedding new light on her character. For instance, even though I never imagined her having a boyfriend, the bit about her first boyfriend that she never got to kiss fits with the aura of misery that she seems to project. There is just this one statement that I don't think quite fits with everything else: "I was a happy person." :)

Finally, I really like the way you used the quote from the challenge. It was a great choice to pair it with Myrtle, and I like how you change it to first-person at the end: "When did I last laugh?"

:) Great work!

Author's Response: Elphaba :) Hello!
I'm sorry I'm so slow with the reply.

I have realized that maybe there are too many words, and some parts-of-speech type of consistencies. That will definitely be a do-over when I edit this.

If I may be slightly shameless, I'd like to tell you that I kinda like that line too, and I'm glad you got the emotion behind it!

I thought that maybe adding a casual human touch; a little bit of what we all have, into the story, I would be lending relate ability to her character. Again, when I edit, I'll see if that line does fit. I put it there to emphasize on how much she has changed, from happy to absolutely bitter.

Thank you :) I feel like I did make a nice choice after reading reviews like these :)


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Review #19, by magnolia_magic Myrtle

18th August 2013:
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your requested review, finally!

Okay, truth time. Is this really your first time writing angst? Because if so, you're a natural at it. The emotional intensity of it really got across well, and even though Myrtle is portrayed as one of the sillier characters in the HP series, I found myself fully convinced by your more intense take on her. So in response to your concern about whether this is believable, I would have to say yes!

Let's start at the beginning. I really liked what you did with the italicized words when I first read this, because they really set up a dark feel that carried throughout the story. But they seem almost separate form the rest of the narrative. By the end of the story, I didn't understand how the beginning tied into Myrtle's experience, and I think that's an essential connection for readers to make. The four words that seem (to me, anyway) to relate most to Myrtle are "Broken," "Empty," "Sorrow," and "Lifeless." If it were me, I'd use those four words and take out the rest, just to streamline and clarify.

As for the narrative, I was completely pulled in by your writing! Like I said, I've never really thought of Myrtle as a serious character before, but you've done a great job of exploring the darker side of this "immortality" that she has.

"Come and take my empire of dust, and I'll take your breaking heart and your tears. I will take your pain and your misery, because it is all a part of life. But, I will also take your joys, your firsts and your lasts. I will take your life, if you would wish death over it."

^This paragraph is a killer. I think this is the point when I was totally convinced that yep, this is Myrtle speaking. She loves life; she craves it, even. And it must be torture for her to watch all the students grow and change and live, while she's forced to stay the same forever. You really did an incredible job of getting that across, and I was just so terribly sad for Myrtle. I mean, in the books she always did seem very lonely, but I never really thought about it until I read this. You've really made me think about Myrtle in a new way here, and I was very touched by her story.

One other thing I feel like I should mention: there are some instances when you start to use "you" in the narrative, as if Myrtle is addressing someone specific. In the paragraph above I understood that she was thinking of the girls in the bathroom, but the line that begins, "Alas, your cries won't pierce my ears..." isn't as clear. Who is the "you" in this instance? The writing is beautiful, but a little clarification there might not go amiss; it would make for a smoother read in that spot.

I always like to comment on endings, since that's what stays with me the longest. Yours is brilliant, I think :) Those three single lines are perfectly sparse, and they add to the loneliness and hopelessness that Myrtle feels. Wonderful job there!

I'm so glad I read this, and I can see why Dee chose you as one of her top 3 in this challenge! Awesome job!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Maggie! :) Your reviews do make me smile a LOT.

Thanks a lot :) I know how we all tend to look her over, but when I got the quote, this was all I could think of! It is my first time. I'm glad you liked it!

You have a great point there. I've been meaning to cut down the number of words and establish some sort of link, and you've pointed out exactly how I can go about this.

I'm glad my writing pulled you in. it makes me happy when i'm told that my writing is engaging. I'm glad I left you feeling touched and got you thinking about this!

Well, thanks again. To clarify, the you is said in a very general manner. To nobody in particular, but it could be used to address anybody, because it applies to most people :)

Wow. Thank you! I think endings have that impact. They are lasting and powerful. I'm glad you liked how I chose to end this.

Haha, well thanks :)
This is a lovely review.


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Review #20, by adluvshp Myrtle

18th August 2013:
Hey! Here for review tag =)

This was certainly a very touching read. I think you did great, especially considering that this is out of your comfort zone. You portrayed Myrtle's despair pretty well and I was hooked while reading.

I enjoyed your descriptions very much, especially of the sunlight in the beginning, and that of the pain towards the end. I couldn't spot any obvious grammar errors.

Your plot concept itself was unique and made me give some thought to a forgotten character like Myrtle. You captured the anguish of being a ghost among the living aptly.

All in all, this was a nice read and I liked it.

Good job!
9/10
Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi Aditi/AD/AditiDraco95! :)

Thanks a lot for the review! :)

It's great to hear that I wrote this convincingly. As I said, I don't usually write angst, though I've always wanted to. This challenge gave me a perfect opportunity to explore the genre, and to take a deeper look into Myrtle's character. I must admit that I didn't pay too much attention to her till I thought of this story either.
I'm glad this made you think. It's lovely when stories and writers manage to do that.

Thanks a lot :)


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Review #21, by marauderfan Myrtle

10th August 2013:
Hello - here with your requested review!

This is really good - especially for your first attempt at writing angst, you did very well! I think Myrtle was a wonderful choice for that quote - she is a very overlooked character because in the books she just wails a lot and is actually quite comical. But you've given so much depth to her character in the things she wishes she could do. The pain she feels is very tangible (...which is ironic because she's a ghost) and I think you did a great job conveying it.

I think it was really believable too, most of all because of the back story you've given her - how she loved to read, she had a boyfriend, she was happy - and then seeing the future generations of Hogwarts living what she could not (for decades!) it would make anyone bitter. And I really like the way you contrasted her angry feelings with the sunlight streaming through the window, it was really nice.

There are a couple things you could fix if you want - a few small grammar and spelling issues. And also the beginning - I like the idea of starting it off with a bunch of feelings, but some are adjectives and some are nouns, and some are just really similar ("dead" and "death" are both in there), and then it rather abruptly hops to the narration of the story. I think if you changed them all to the same part of speech ie. all adjectives or something, and then added like one sentence at the beginning of the narration to ease in, it would flow a lot better, such as: "I can't shake these feelings as I see the sun streaming through the broken panels of the windows..." etc.

Overall though, this was really well done! You should give yourself a pat on the back for going out of your comfort zone and writing something so good!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you So much!
Your review is really encouraging. I'm glad you think I handled the angst bit well.

I'm happy that my choice of character is appreciated too, because most people really don't like Myrtle. I didn't give her much thought either, till I got this quote. Then I thought that she just seemed to fit the quote, so I went ahead and wrote it.

I'm pleased that you think I did a good job with characterization. And that you liked how I've conveyed her pain. I feel that the back story makes her more relate-able, I'm glad you found that too!

I'm going to give this another read, and I will definitely fix that! :) I didn't realize how odd the assortment of words seem, in a sense. I'll change that fix up the grammar. Hopefully, I'll improve the flow too.

Thank you :) This was one great review!


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Review #22, by Mnemosyne_Morrigan Myrtle

10th August 2013:
Hello :) I'm fulfilling your request for a review.


First of all, choosing Moaning Myrtle as a character is a good move, because she's not that popular in fanfiction. It provides you with possibilities.

Single words opening the story are a bit chaotic. I understand the use of them and the idea of it was really good, but nouns and adjectives mixed together do not bring the strong "bang". Maybe if you used only adjectives (or only nouns) it would be more emotional. And "less is more" so a few less of them would have a more crisp texture.

I like that you chose writing of her as a ghost already. Dealing with emotions after death is probably more difficult. What I liked more - you brought up those good emotions, the delicacy and fragility of Myrtle, not only bitterness. Sadness and jealousy is significant, because it has to be. Myrtle died as a young girl, she never had a chance to experience everything those other girls are experiencing, so she feels angry. But not all the time and it's good you pointed it out. It seems that Myrtle constantly punishes herself - she has a right to be angry, but it's her choice to stay in that bathroom and take pity on herself. There are other ghosts in Hogwart's and she could join them, talk to them, spend time with them. But she chooses to shut down. It makes me think that despite all those decades she still has sensibility of a teenage girl, she didn't grew up mentally.

Your language and style are quite good. You have an eye for detail and a great sense of emotions. Writing about the darker side of life (or in that cas, a darker side of death) is not easy, but you managed to balance it. There is pain and bitterness, but with those beautiful spots of softness. Just sometimes it felt like you overloaded it with heaviness.

Overall, good job!
- Mnemosyne

Author's Response: Hey there!

I'm glad the choice of character went down well. I was wondering about how it would be received because not many people like Myrtle.

Oh, I notice that now :P I like the whole single word opening bit, but I will make some changes. Maybe omit a couple of words, and make sure that they're all either adjectives or nouns.

That's an interesting thing you've said actually. About her having not grown up mentally. It's possible. I don't see much room for growth in many ways after becoming a ghost, but I like how you put it. It's true though.

She dies at a very young age, and there are so many things she never got to do. It really is too sad, and I think that she has every right to feel the multitude of emotions that she does. I'm glad you agree and feel that I've brought it out well.

Thank you so much :) It feels great when someone compliments your language and style!

Thank you so much! :)


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Review #23, by academica Myrtle

10th August 2013:
Hey, here from Review Tag!

OK, first thing I have to say--kudos to you for being willing to break out of your comfort zone and try something new. I think that's essential to growing as an author, and I've forced myself to do it several times now so sometimes I forget how nerve-wracking it can be. That said, don't be so hard on yourself in your author's note! If you're not at least a little confident in what you post, you can't really expect anyone else to appreciate it :)

Okay, now that my public service announcement is out of the way--I think you did a fantastic job. Myrtle is a really hard character to grasp, I think, and I loved your especially dark take. I can understand how someone who died so young would give almost anything to recapture life, both the good and the bad, and to feel normal again.

Your details here were really great. I especially love how Myrtle felt a new surge of loneliness as she realized that a new class period had begun and she wouldn't be seeing any visitors for a while. I also liked how you made a distinction between the endless emotional pain she feels quite tangibly and the physical pain she oddly finds herself missing.

The ending was really sad, too, because I can imagine that it's heartbreaking for Myrtle to be around when the exams she never got to take are over and the whole castle is in celebration. It's clear that she missed a lot, and unjustly so.

The only thing I'd suggest to improve this would be to go back and look at a few technical errors. There were just a couple typos I noticed (like 'old women' instead of 'old woman') and a few instances of awkward phrasing (for instance, it sounded at first like you described her nose as being 'not oval' instead of her face). But these are just little things.

Nice work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda :)

I know what you mean. I kept stopping to read what I'd written in between. But I am glad with how it came out, now when I read back. I wasn't feeling quite as confident back then! I'll edit my notes. You have a good point :P

I'm glad you liked this so much! You're too kind :) I never paid much attention to Myrtle in the books, and even in fanfiction, whenever she's mentioned, she is quite whiny and unlikable. So I was happy that this quote inspired me to think of this from her point of view. I too felt that she would give anything to have a chance to truly feel again- good or bad.

I'm also happy you liked the details. I know it's quite descriptive, and that there really isn't any dialogue. So the details really make the story. And to hear that I've done that well, really makes me happy!

Oh! I never noticed these errors. I shall read through it and make the changes! Thank you so much for pointing out :)

Thanks again. I loved your review :)


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Review #24, by nott theodore Myrtle

9th August 2013:
Hi! I've heard so much about your writing and I've been hoping I'd get a chance to read something of yours soon, and I'm glad I did! If you hadn't said that this was your first attempt at angst then I never would have guessed it!

The choice of protagonist for this story is fantastic - you find so few stories focusing on Moaning Myrtle and I've never seen one which portrays her in this way. It's really original and great to read!

I loved the style of this piece. The tone of it was wistful and conveyed the longing that Myrtle felt whenever she encountered living humans. I found myself feeling really sorry for Myrtle - in the books I never thought of her as much more than a moaning ghost, but you added a lot of depth and showed me another dimension to her character.

The way that she listed all the things that she missed was so touching; it reminded me that she was once a young girl with her whole life ahead of her, and that was cut tragically short. She must be so lonely with nobody wanting to talk to her. I loved the fact that you created a real back story to Myrtle's life - especially the fact that she had a boyfriend just before she died - because it brought her character to life for me.

Another aspect which was great was the fact that she sought refuge and comfort in books - it's something that so many readers will be able to relate to, and fits well with her character. The thought that she can't even have that pleasure now, that escape, is so sad and moving.

"Come and take my empire of dust, and I'll take your breaking heart and your tears. I will take your pain and your misery, because it is all a part of life. But, I will also take your joys, your firsts and your lasts. I will take your life, if you would wish death over it." This was such a beautiful paragraph, and I loved the images it evoked.

Really great job with this!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian! It's you :) Hi!
I'm still gushing about the awesomeness of this review! :D

You've heard about my writing? Wow. *gushes some more* That makes me feel so honoured! It's a lovely feeling. Thank you for this :) And this is really the first time I've tried my hand at writing a full-on angst. I'm glad it was believable.

It makes me happy to know that you appreciate my character choice and also how I've portrayed Myrtle in this. To be entirely honest, I wouldn't say that I'd given her much thought until this challenge. I'm thankful for the opportunity though, because I loved this challenge and I loved being challenged too.

I tried really hard to make sure that her angst and loneliness came through clearly. it's nice that you saw that :) She is an un-loved character, and I don;t blame anyone for that. I just tried something different with this one. I'm glad it worked!

Romance always helps in humanizing a character. It gives us something to relate to. As do things that we all experience regularly. So things like exams and jobs are also something that I felt I could mention to make her more relate-able.

This part, is something that's close to me as well. We all seek the refuge under the covers of a lovely book to distract ourselves from harsh and painful truths. I'm really happy that you liked that, and the paragraph that you have mentioned above. It's lovely when someone's appreciates your work like this.

Thank you SO much! You've said such lovely things here :) You're a very nice person, Sian! Always! I can't thank you enough for this lovely review! :)

I just feel like giving you a big hug sometimes!


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Review #25, by HeyMrsPotter Myrtle

9th August 2013:
Hello, I'm here to review your entry for my challenge!

I really like the introduction to this, it was a really effective way of grabbing my attention. The quote was worked in effortlessly and suited the story perfectly.

You've written such a different side to Myrtle that I'd never even considered. I always thought she moaned because she enjoyed the attention it gained her but this really made me rethink that. The part about all of the things she'd never done and the lists that she made was really heartbreaking. I've really never thought about what her death meant she would miss out on until you wrote it and now I just feel so sad for her, so well done for that!

For your first attempt at angst I think you did an amazing job, I'd have never known if you hadn't said. The dark tone was set right from the start and continued perfectly throughout. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes either :)

The best stories are the ones that make you think and this absolutely did. Brilliant job, you should step out of your comfort zone more often :D thanks for entering and keep your eyes peeled for the results!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I just saw the results and gushed for so long. Thank you! I'm really happy about it. Thank you SO much! :D For the place, and the challenge itself. Without this, I probably wouldn't have ventured out to write this story, which really posed a challenge to someone who hadn't written a full-on angst yet.

To be completely honest, I hadn't thought of Myrtle like this till now. Now, i too feel quite sorry for her and it makes me sad to think about all the things she missed out on.

Thank you so much for all the wonderful compliments! And for this challenge! And for the prize, of course! You're too sweet! :)

Thank you :D


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