Reading Reviews for Inside the Tent
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charm Snatchers, Goblins and Dead People

2nd January 2014:
Hi Emily, here for day 7 of the 12 days of reviewing :D

I thought the beginning was so touching when Dean and Griphook were burying the dead. I really felt all the pain they were experiencing because they must have all grown close in that time on the run together. The part about what the goblins did with their dead was especially touching because I never thought of them having different burial rites but the idea you came up with was really great.

Deanís hope for Harry and seeing his family again were so pure and sweet that I just wanted to hug him because of that. I really felt that his characterisation was really great here because it felt just like the books and the desperation shown here which wasnít in the books fitted in really well with his overall persona. Then when he started thinking about his family I almost wanted to cry because it was just so adorable and that he really wanted to see them all again.

The strange friendship he formed with Griphook while in hiding made me laugh because though there was some tension there when they were talking about the article they had to rely on one another for each otherís survival so you could almost call them friends.

I spotted one minor typo here ĎThe five had been on the ru,í as I think itís meant to be run, but other than that it was fine and a really great one-shot to read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello Kiana! :D

Ah, I'm glad you liked it! And I'm glad you felt the pain they did because I am an evil person mwehehehe. I just thought that since they're a completely different civilisation they would have different ways of doing things, and one of those things would be burial rites. I'm glad you thought the idea was good!

I'm sure Dean would appreciate the hug. :P I'm so glad you thought my characterisation was good! I was worried that he'd turned out a little bland, but it's good that my version of him fitten in with the books and your overall image of him. Oh no Kiana, don't cry! But I'm so glad you liked it. :)

Bahaha yeah, he and Griphook learned to trust each other, I think, and they had to depend on each other and there was nobody else, so I guess they did form a friendship of sorts.

I need to go back and edit this thing, thnks for pointing that out. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it!

Thanks for this lovely review Kiana, it made my day! :D


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 Snatchers, Goblins and Dead People

1st January 2014:
Happy New Year!! I'm here from the BvB review battle. :)

This story was VERY good. Until now, I've never read any fanfiction about what Muggleborns on the run had to go through, so I think you opened a lot of doors with this story! It is sad, angry, and yet, hopeful all at the same time.

Dean is a really cool canon character, though he doesn't play a major role. I loved that you delved into his mind and fleshed out his character! Griphook is always a curious character to read about. Did you make up the thing about the goblin cremation tradition? If so, I think that's incredibly awesome! You wrote Griphook as he was in the book--I think you captured his character perfectly!!

I hope 2014 is treating you well so far. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Ah, I think Amanda might have beaten you to it. ;)

Wow, thank you! I already had the groundwork for this story laid out with what JK gave us, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I agree with that, Dean is nice to write about. I'm glad you think I managed to flesh him out well! Griphook was harder than Dean to get right, but I think I did okay here. I did make up the goblin cremation, I'm so happy that you like the thought! And wow, hank you! I'm really glad you thought that I got him right. :D

It is, thank you! And thank you for this lovely review! :)


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Review #3, by Secret Santa! Snatchers, Goblins and Dead People

9th December 2013:
Hello again! Santa here! So, I read your response- and u are too nice to me :) Thats the thing though, I'm giving reviews as first present and I will do a one shot :)

Any particular pairing u feel like reading? I just saw your response in the who are you thread, but, it was broad :) And, thankfully, I write fluff- so I will be able to write that for u :) But, it will be posted after the queue reopens :) Hope u don't mind :D So, if u want anything particular in the one shot please let me know in this reply :)

See, but, thats the thing, I'm not sure what to give as a second present... If u want/need anything, please do let me know :)

Okay, the review.

Awesome, amazing, fantabulous...I like fantabulous so super fantabulous it is! Your writing, characterisation and dialogue were amazing! Good job!

Only CC I've got is adding in some description, especially after their capture to slow down the pace and smoothen the flow :) Other than that, I have nothing! :)

Ending, maybe add in a bit more description on his family. Something Chloe would always say to him or something Hollie used to do only to them. That would make the ending a bit more heartbreaking :) Just some advice :)

So, have a good day/night! :D Merry Christmas!! :D

Ho ho ho,
Santa :)

Author's Response: Hey there Santa? How's life? Not too busy wrapping up lovely presents for me, are you? :P

Ah, you will do a one-shot? Thank you! And I'm glad you write fluff, it should be easier on you then. :) And yeah, I read quite a lot of stuff, provided that it avoids angst and love triangles. :P So it's basically up to you! Of course I don't mind, it's lovely that you're doing this for me anyway. :D

Ah, I don't really want/need anything right now, although perhaps I might ask for some beta-ing on my NaNo novel once it's presentable? I'm not sure I'll be able to make the deadline though, so we'll see. :)

Thank you so much! I'm so flattered you think my work is good. :D I'm glad the dialogue especially wasn't too stilted, I was worried about that when I posted this.

Thank you, I'll definitely look into the description. I'll have a look at the ending as well, and I can definitely see how linking back to his family a bit more would make the ending sadder. Thank you so much for this amazing feedback!

I will! Merry Christmas to you too, Santa. :D


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Review #4, by soapman333 Snatchers, Goblins and Dead People

31st October 2013:
Wow Em, this was incredible. Such a sad/hopeful ending.

I don't really know what to say because I'm still getting over the FEELS you so brutally devoured. The imagery was just amazing there in the beginning with Griphook burning and clawing at the ground to retrieve the ashes of the goblin.

Why did they have to get snatched?

Why?!

Okay, I know why, but it is still very frustrating as a guy who wants everything to have a happy ending.

Wonderful one-shot! I know it is just a one-shot, but I can't help but wonder if they ever make it out alive

Author's Response: HAI AGAIN.

This was incredible?! *runs around in excitement*

I devoured your feels? I'm sorry! I hope they get better soon. :P And I'm so happy you liked the imagery, I was hoping it was realistic and not too overdone/dramatic.

I'm sorry! Filch's Pet Peeve will have a happy ending though. :)

Thank you for all the lovely reviews Jack, you're awesome. :D


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Review #5, by marauderfan Snatchers, Goblins and Dead People

16th August 2013:
Hi Emily! So, you've written another story - AND won a challenge with it! Congrats :D

I really like that you chose to write from Dean's POV - it was lovely to see Dean and Griphook get some spotlight in fanfiction. I love minor characters, and there's so much that happened in the timeline of DH that we didn't hear about while Harry and co. were camping!

Your characterisation of both of them is fantastic. I like that you've highlighted Griphook's tendency to just state bald facts like that - I was able to envision the character JKR wrote as he fit perfectly into the way you wrote him.

My favourite parts of this are the beginning scene with the funerals, and then the ending. I really liked seeing Dean and Griphook working together, mourning over what they've lost (does this make me sound like a horrible person? ...probably). And the ending - I just love it, how he's in this terrible situation, wondering if he's going to die too, and he starts thinking about his family, and it's all specific, happy memories of silly childhood things. I found it really cute :) The last line is so good. It's really simple, but the simplicity is perfect - he wants things to be simple again, how they were when he was a child and everything was how he remembers.

If you don't mind some CC, there were a couple of places I think could use a brief edit. For example this passage: Greyback held up that day's edition of the Daily Prophet at the very last page. Greyback dropped it on the ground.

Starting both sentences with "Greyback" is kind of repetitive - you can probably just start the second one with "he".

Also, when Dean is reading the newspaper, the line "Was the world really like that now?" is repeated 3 times within a few paragraphs. I'm not sure if it's intentional - I can understand if you meant for repetition just to reinforce how scared Dean is, but I think it'd flow better to just have it once - maybe emphasized by making it its own paragraph, or something.

Anyway, just something to think about - but of course whatever you decide is fine and it's a great story regardless! I really loved reading this :)

Author's Response: Hey Kristin! Aww, thanks! I'm seriously honoured - the other entries were so good!

Yeah, I enjoy writing minor characters, they deserve time in the spotlight as well! :P Minor characters are always intriguing to write as well. :)

Hahaha yeah, I always imagined him as being pretty blunt. Wow, thanks! Any positive comparison to JKR automatically cancels out any comparison with Madam Pince. :P

Yay, I'm glad you liked the beginning - generally I prefer writing happier stuff, so I'm glad my attempt at a more solemn tone worked okay. The end was my favourite bit, Dean thinking about his family was my favourite part to write. :D Oh, I'm glad you liked the last line, I was afraid it would come off as overdone.

Haha, I never mind any CC! Yeah, I did mean it to be repetitive, but I see how it might be too much. I'll edit that sometime in the future. :P

Thanks for the lovely review Kristin!


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Review #6, by nott theodore Snatchers, Goblins and Dead People

12th August 2013:
Hi Emily!

Oh, I just want to hug you right now for writing about Dean! You know how much I love minor characters and this was a great story to read - I was also really excited to see that there were two stories on your AP now!

I know that you were worried about this one but I really don't think you have any need to be (and it won the challenge, congratulations!). The way that you opened this story was perfect; it felt like you eased us in very gently before hitting us with the action of the chase. Of course, there was nothing pleasant about burying Ted and Dirk, but the solemn tone worked well and the repetition of their task was calming. Although we know what's going to happen, it almost lulls you into a false sense of security, thinking that everything will be alright.

I loved the detail that you put into this. When Griphook talks about the burial rituals of goblins I can see that you've put thought into the differences between the two races, and little things like that really enhance your writing.

You've obviously taken a lot of care with Dean's characterisation, and that makes this such a pleasure to read. The details about his family really helped to add some depth to his character and the thoughts about someone he knew seeing the paper were very effective. There were some sentences that you wrote which reminded me a lot of JK's writing - "It stank too, for what it was worth. Dean thought it probably wasn't worth much."

You worked the quote in so seamlessly that I would never have guessed what it was until the end when you put it in your author's note! Seriously, when I know that the story includes a quote I tend to keep an eye out for it as I'm reading, and there was nothing that jumped out at me here. Definitely well done on that, because it isn't at all easy to do. The quote was such a great one to base this story around, especially choosing to use Dean instead of one of the more major and obvious characters.

Mind if I make a few suggestions, my dear? At the point when the Snatchers arrive and start chasing them, a few short sentences might help to really increase the tension of the chase a bit more. I know you said that you weren't fully satisfied with the ending, but I really enjoy the last line. I think maybe if you wanted to add something in after talking about his family which brings him back to the harsh reality of his situation before that final line, it would really help to contrast his present situation with his hope for the future.

There were a couple of typos that I noticed:
"Dean sent the night restlessly" - spent the night
"The five had been on the ru," - run
You also spell his sister's name as 'Holly' and 'Hollie' so you need to make sure you're consistent with that.

That last line for me was really poignant. After all the sadness that has been in the rest of the one-shot, it really helped to suggest that there was hope for him in the future, and remind us that he will be rescued from the Snatchers in a short amount of time. This was lovely, Emily!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian! :D

Hahaha yes, I do know how you love minor characters. Yay, having more stories on your AP is always a good thing. :)

Aw thanks! You're too kind. *blushes* I prefer writing lighter or fluffier tones, so I'm glad my attempt at a more solemn tone worked well. :) Well, I didn't actually intend for the 'stroke then slap' technique to happen, but since you've pointed it out, let's pretend I intended for it to happen. :P

Aw thanks! Yeah, I just thought that different races would have different traditions, and part of that is different burial rites.

I'm glad you noticed, I did spend quite a lot of time trying to get Dean as close to the books as I could. I'm glad you liked his characterisation. :) Wow, some parts of my writing reminded you of JK's writing?! Wow, that's probably the best compliment you could give me. Thanks! :D

Oh yay! As soon as I read the quote this idea hit me, but I have to give a lot of credit to your story Snatched. I'd read it a couple of days before getting this quote, and Dean was still swirling around in my head. :) Aw, thanks!

Of course, Sian! I always relish a chance to improve my writing! Okay, thanks. I'm off to improve my one-shot now. :D

Oh, I'm glad you liked it, I was scared it would come off as too cliche or overdone.

Aw, you flatter me, I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for the wonderful review Sian, it really made my day!

Emily :D


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Review #7, by MadiMalfoy Snatchers, Goblins and Dead People

9th August 2013:
Hey, I'm here for the Maze Runner challenge! First of all, thanks for entering! :)

I absolutely love what you've done with the quote! Most would probably think to write the main character as one of the golden trio or a more well-known character, but I like your choice of Dean. It really elaborates on his and Griphook's situation with the Snatchers very well. You're able to give us details of Dean's life most people don't really know about, like his family and their characteristics, etc. The characterization of Dean is wonderful! If I try to write him ever, I don't think I would be able to as well as you have!

Overall, a great one-shot and entry in the challenge. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi! So sorry about the late reply, I've had no wifi for a while. :'( It was a fun challenge, I really enjoyed it!

I'm so glad you liked my use of the quote! As soon as you gave me that quote the idea struck me, so with a couple of tweaks and a lot of editing, this is what I came up with. ;)

Yeah, I think Dean was a pretty underdeveloped character, so I wanted to add some background to him. I'm so glad you think my characterisation of him was good! Aw, thanks! But really, I think you'd be able to do it as well. :)

Thanks so much for the kind review Madi, it really made my day. :D Ooh, and how could I forget? I'm so, so happy you saw fit to give this silly little story first place in your challenge! When I saw your blog post for the first time today I literally just sat there with a huge smile on my face. :D So thanks!


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