Reading Reviews for A Little Bit of Luck
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyLou Our Dearest Carty

27th September 2013:
Hey! I'm here with your reviews from taking third in my challenge, The Family Challenge!


This is a very interesting story so far, I must say. The plot is a great idea. I love when there's multiple stories in one! It makes you far more anxious for the next snippet of a certain character. I love Next Generation, too. It gives you loads of room to make things up.

So, one thing I'd like to point out is that your characterization is a WIP. You write James well in a sense that he is very protective; but you seem very vague with all of these characters.

Speaking of all these characters, I feel that you just threw every character in the book in my face far too quickly. It'd be better if you'd introduce the characters separately, or in little groups at a time. I was a bit confused. There were so many at once! And while there's nothing at all wrong with lots of characters, it is a burden and a lot to handle; you almost have to focus in on each individual and write them. You can't just throw in some names and say they're James' friends; it's quite easy to forget about who they are when the introduction is so insignificant.

Another problem is the rushing. You seem to rush through everything, and it limits the depth. This paragraph here particularly bothers me; everything happens in such a rush you leave the reader thinking, "Wait, what happened?" I had to read twice before fully comprehending what you said.

"Because Costa's a ginger." I replied with a flip of my hair. I then slammed right into someone. "Bloody hell," I rubbed my shoulder. I looked up into James Potter's hazel brown eyes and my eyes widened, "Sorry!" I squeaked before sprinting away dragging Darcy behind me. "Darcy, I just rammed into James Potter," I said beginning to hyperventilating.

Everyone loves depth in a story; it's what keeps a reader reading. So, I'd recommend adding in things like more characterization, dialogue, details, etc. into your story. It will definitely help.

Overall, this story has some true potential. I love it, honestly. I can't wait to see it grow into something amazing!

I hope I wasn't too harsh. You're an amazing writer.

Keep writing!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Awww thank you so much for all the compliments!! And honestly thank you for all the critiques! I really do appreciate it when people give me back constructive criticism! Haha!

But yeah I realize now that it was a lot of characters to just throw in the reader's face. It was easy enough for me to keep track, because I always had this humongous list of all the characters and a profile of them! Haha!

Well thank you for the review and the compliments!

-Sincerely, Ireland :)


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Review #2, by StellaRose Tripping Up

21st August 2013:
Hey there! It's Emmy with your requested review :)

First off, I'm in awe of your characters. It's obvious you've spent a lot of time planning them out and doing research on their families and everything. Kudos! Even the sorting must have taken some work and I thought it was very well done!

I've never heard of Lily Potter being called LP and I love it! So original and very fitting for your Lily. She has a ton of spunk and I like her already!

I do think you need more description when you're introducing characters. This will help the reader not feel so bombarding with new people and give all of your characters a chance to shine!

Also, keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to introduce everyone all at once. Just introduce the key characters and wait until there is an important plot moment to introduce someone new.

I am slightly confused about where the story is going. The summary said it's about James and McCartney but so far I really don't know anything about her except that she's really nervous around James. I would have liked to have seen some more interaction between them so I have a better understanding of how they're going to interact in the future.

Also, how is Lily going to play a part in this story? She pretty much dominated the end of Ch. 1 and all of Ch. 2. Don't get me wrong, I think you did an awesome job with her but as I reader I'm left in the dark about how she fits in the overall plot with James and McCartney.

All in all though, your dialogue is great and even though you didn't have a ton of description I still felt as though I knew your characters just be reading the dialogue between them.

Good start and feel free to request again :)

--Emmy

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for this review, it's brilliant! And thank you for complimenting my characters. I really did spends countless hours researching and mulling over all the canon sources to get them just right. I try to keep everything as canon as I possibly can, because I want things to be how JKR intended and I want to stay as true to her vision as I can without being you know "basic."

Thank you! I love LP too! She's a darling to write and she has so many nicknames; LP, Lily, Lily Luna, Lily Lu, Little Potter! She's so much fun to write and I do try to keep her original, because I feel like she's kind of always a side character, because of all the James II/OCs and Albus/OCs. Also someone's already mentioned how I made her a brunette and not a ginger! Aha! But I just really like the idea of her being a brunette instead of a ginger so yeah that's just my way of making her stand out more ya know?

Oh yes! I'm not going to go into a long spiel, but this story has been change, rechanged, and edited about four times. Originally it was a Lily/Scorpius fic, but then I re-edited it to incorporate McCartney (who was then McCartney Darlington), an Albus/OC plotline, and a Rose/OC plotline.

So then I added in a bigger plot, but I felt the story was trying to cover too much and trying to stretch too far. So I edited it again... And I changed McCartney's entire persona and I re-evaluated all the other OCs and relationships.

So that's why Lily was so dominate in chapters 1 & 2, because she was the original main character. But McCartney gets to shine some more in the later chapters, and the other couples get their spotlight moments too.

And thank you again for the review! It really helped me prioritize and thank you, thank you again!

Sincerely, Ireland :)

P.S. Meep this is really long omg aha!


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Review #3, by Ashley Lovegood Our Dearest Carty

3rd August 2013:
I really like the story so far! Update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) And I will update as soon as I get it back from my Beta! Which should be tomorrow! So check back soon! :)

Sincerely, Ireland


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Review #4, by Caitlinm4497 Our Dearest Carty

3rd August 2013:
This is really good so far! Judging by who's playing who I'm guessing you like Warm Bodies and The Hunger Games(;

Author's Response: Aha! You would highly correct! I love the film and movies versions of both! I could go into great depth about it, but I'm just gonna hush! Thanks you so so much for the review!!!

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Review #5, by Albus Potter's Woman Our Dearest Carty

1st August 2013:
I'm interested to see how this goes but why is Lily not a ginger?
-Albus Potter's Woman

Author's Response: Thank you! And I don't know really... I just always saw Lily as a brunette looking a bit more like her father, but with her mother's eyes and attitude. That's just have I've always pictured her! :)

Sincerely, Ireland


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Review #6, by Starry_Eyed Our Dearest Carty

1st August 2013:
Well first off let me say that congrats on starting a new story, its always full of hope and excitement, so good for you! I love your story, its full of potential and is really easy to read which means that it is great writing. I hope you don't mind that I actually looked at the guy you picked to portray James the II, and I actually loved him so much that I changed my James to him. :) But worry not because I credited the idea of the model to you in my story. Anyway, great job and I look forward to your next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This means the world to me! And of course I don't mind that you used Francisco! :) I do not own him (unfortunately ;)). But thank you for reviewing and I will have the next chapter up as soon as possible! :)

Sincerely, Ireland


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Review #7, by Silverstone Nata Our Dearest Carty

1st August 2013:
I like this story, it's really interesting, I want to read more. I deeply encourage you to update as soon as you are able too. Please, and thank you for reading my review.
-MG

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will update as soon as I get the edited version from my Beta! Aha! Sorry for making you wait!! :(

Sincerely, Ireland


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