Reading Reviews for Crossing the Borderline
83 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57 Albus: The Confrontations

31st August 2014:
Hey there! I'm back to review chapter four--a little bit faster this time, yay! :D

Okay, so having Albus's point of view after he made me so angry in the last chapter was pretty good. He isn't as overtly jerkish and horrible as he was in the last chapter, which made me happy. I guess it just took a PoV switch and some more character development, whoohoo! :D

Wow, Charlotte Ronan is basically the worst. Why would she write a whole newspaper article about how Albus and Aaliyah won't make it as a couple because of his "lack of experience" and her inability to learn from the past? That's just awful. I hate her for being so shallow and awful, but if that's the kind of articles that she writes about everyone, I can see why Al and Aaliyah decided to start fake-dating in the first place. It definitely takes a lot of pressure off the other kids who just want to live their lives without a school newspaper journalist trying to interfere.

One thing: When Albus was talking to Rose, he said that red-heads are good at arguing. Earlier, Rose was described as having brown hair. Just a continuity error, I think.

I'm glad that Al and Rose are friends though. It establishes an interesting dynamic, especially since she isn't too fond of his new girlfriend. Where will that go? Will Aaliyah and Rose end up reconciling their differences? It's too early to tell at this point, but I sure hope that Rose doesn't just hate Aaliyah for no reason. That would be kind of shallow of her.

Gabby and Al are friends, but Aaliyah was never friends with him. Did the two families hang around together a lot as children? How did Gabby get to know Al so well? And why is he always so removed and closed off from the general population? I guess it's good that the slightly-misogynistic side of him that I disliked so much in chapter three is probably just an act, but why did he choose to act that way? He's nice to Gabby; why does he have to be so rude to Aaliyah? And does he really like her, as he assures Gabby that he does? All the questions are being asked today, sorry! :)

Whoa, Scorpius. Whoa. Don't be that way. Ugh, he seems like he's kind of a womanizer/player type, what with his comment about Aaliyah as she walked away. I hope that, if he ever starts dating Rose, she'll put him back in line very quickly!

Al has to make a list about Aaliyah's finer attributes--obviously that's not going well for him. Does he know nothing at all about her, save for her physical appearance?! He'd better figure it out quite quickly. I know that everything is operating on a very superficial level at this point, so I hope that as the story progresses, he finds more things to like about her.

Uh oh... What is Fred's problem with Al's new girlfriend? It appears that he might have dated her before, but why is he still so bitter about it? Did he act like a jerk all the time? Whatever the reason for their break up might be, it appears that the Al/Aaliyah thing is going to cause some tension in the Wotter clan, what with Rose and Fred being weird about it. I'm interested to know where that will go!

Very good chapter! I am quite intrigued by the personalities of Rose, Scorpius, and Fred, and I can't wait to see how Al and Aaliyah's relationship progresses, especially when they're around their family members. :)


 Report Review

Review #2, by British obsessed Aaliyah: The Date

22nd August 2014:
I hope blaine and annie happens. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Aww, I hope Blaine and Annie happen too. Now to get Annie to like Blaine...

Thank you for taking the time to drop a review (actually reviews). I had an terrific time reading all of them and hopefully I can get the next chapter up soon! :D


 Report Review

Review #3, by British obsessed Aaliyah: The Party

21st August 2014:
Still great! Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Yay! It's amazing that you like it!


 Report Review

Review #4, by British obsessed Aaliyah: The Slytherins

21st August 2014:
I prefer seth and aaliyah over al and aaliyah (i seriously almost wrote aal instead of al)

Author's Response:
Maybe I can change your mind in the coming chapters. Yay or nay? ;)

Seth is a sweetie though! I adore him.

I think it's because Aaliyah has two a's that you almost wrote Al with two a's. I get confused too at times.

Thanks love!


 Report Review

Review #5, by British obsessed Albus: The Confrontations

21st August 2014:
And you are giving me this pain because? Still good.

Author's Response:
I don't mean to give you pain, I promise. *gives chocolate*

It's great to hear that it's still good! I'll try to keep it going like that. :)


 Report Review

Review #6, by British obsessed Aaliyah: The Reaction

21st August 2014:
Ellie and isaac is my ship here! As for al... i am sorry, but i felt like he was sorta jerky in this chapter and i just wanna through him over hogwarts and into the forbidden forest. But besides that i will give a nine out of ten (that one off is albus)

Author's Response: Yay, an Ellie/Isaac shipper! Hopefully they'll be able to get together in the future (or we'll go with Seth's idea and push them into a broom closet). Al is sort of a jerk in this chapter, isn't he? He's going to get better and nicer... it'll just take some time.

Thank you for the short-and-sweet review! I love hearing from readers. :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by British obsessed Albus: The Decision

21st August 2014:
Well...THAT WAS AWESOME!! Scorp seems fine to me.

Author's Response: You're awesome for leaving another review, thanks! And Scorpius is one of my favorite characters to write. :)


 Report Review

Review #8, by Dirigible_Plums Aaliyah: The Date

21st August 2014:
You updated! I had a mild heart attack last night when I saw that you had updated (forgive me for the late review, I was on my phone and I HATE reviewing on my phone, you know how it goes) but it was worth it. By the way, thank you for the shout out, it means a lot. It seems that accusing Albus of thinking of himself in creepy ways is the best direction to take in reviews. I'll have to remember that next time.

But anyways, back to the chapter (or onwards to the chapter because I haven't really talked about it?). Poor Annie and her tiny admirers. It must be disheartening to have the younger years fancy you, but I would totally tease her for it too. Not that I'd be in much of a position to talk. The only romantic gesture I've ever had are two short poems that barely rhymed and my best friend calling me bae. But no, seriously, I like the way that you implement your humour. It's not too obvious but has me grinning like a creep in the dark of the night. I also liked seeing Ellie and Annie again. It's nice to see Aaliyah around her friends.

Albus, you Smirker. I bet it was a hot smirk. It must be a hot smirk. If I was Aaliyah, my heart would be jumping out of my chest at the sight of his smirk. And because I'm horrid at running. And because he touched my butt- well, her butt. AND THAT SCENE WAS KINDA PERFECT IN A WEIRD SORT OF WAY like their "relationship" is progressing but there's no romance. Is touching your girlfriend's butt considered romantic in normal situations? Speaking of progress, their actual relationship- not the fake one they show everyone- is developing wonderfully. It's going at the perfect pace and I'm really curious to see how they work out. Their sweet-tasting conversation made me laugh. It's cool how I knew who was speaking just by their responses to the previous statement.

Aaliyah's past is so intriguing. Why do you have to be good at withholding information and keeping me curious? Oh, and I was wondering if Fred is making a reappearance and if so, when? I mean, he probably is because he was a huge part of Aaliyah's life, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Constructive criticism: it's not even constructive criticism, I just think that the ending of the chapter isn't as up to par as the rest of it. I don't know, it feels like there's a tiny bit left to the chapter. I don't know whether that was done intentionally or not though so. Don't get me wrong, I still loved the chapter. I'm pretty sure this in my favourites as well, but I'll have to see. If not, I'm gonna go ahead and click that button.


(holy hell, how long is my review? I didn't even know I could write that much. Does it even make sense? o_O)

 Report Review

Review #9, by British obsessed Aaliyah: The Meeting

21st August 2014:
THAT WAS AMAZING!!! Can't wait to read your next chapter!!

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! It's AMAZING that you liked it. :)


 Report Review

Review #10, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Date

21st August 2014:
Aaliyah is still fooling herself about why she's excited, I see. She'll realize eventually. I love the story about the younger guys liking Annie. That was so funny! And I suppose I'll just add Ellie and Isaac to the immense number of couples I want to happen in this story. Albus and Aaliyah are so cute on their date. I agree with her about the house qualities. I've always thought I was somewhere in the middle of Slytherin and Ravenclaw, so I had a hard time choosing which to be in.

Now they're even talking about lingering feelings after they 'break up.' The way I see it, they just shouldn't decide to break up at all. Anyway, I love their small talk and how they're going about getting to know each other and finding that they like what they're seeing. I'm really impressed by your writing. You keep a lot contained, but you let on just enough to keep the reader satisfied. I think the plot of this story is extremely unique and leaves a lot of room for 'are they, are they not' moments because of the nature of their relationship. Ronan is actually a pretty terrifying villain, even if we don't see much of her. You've done an amazing job with making me wish for so many different relationships to happen in this story. You've really invested me in these characters. Really awesome job on everything. Please re-request as soon as you've uploaded more!

 Report Review

Review #11, by crestwood Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

21st August 2014:
At the beginning when Aaliyah gets upset about everything that happened with Fred and Albus moves closer to her and comforts her!! No one's there, that isn't acting! I'm so excited that this is happening. A tiny bit upset that Rose has a boyfriend that isn't Scorpius though. Albus and Aaliyah falling asleep in each others is pretty much the final straw of my belief in their idea that they're faking their relationship.

I don't even particularly like Rose in this story, but I just want to give your Scorpius the world so I hope she realizes that she has some kind of burning passion for him by the end of the story anyway. I love the way you write this slow paced not-even-really-friends to lovers thing. It's just creeping along with only a little progress each chapter, but it helps to make things believable since they didn't even know each other at the beginning of the story. I'm glad you aren't rushing through this. Another good chapter!

 Report Review

Review #12, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Party

21st August 2014:
I LOVE Daniel so much. I really hope he shows up again because he's so much more mature and understanding than everyone else even though he's younger. That conversation was really well written. And also, I need more James/Aaliyah scenes!! You write their friendship in this amazing way and I'd just love to see them speak more.

The Ronan Daily is scathing as always and Albus and Aaliyah are becoming more and more like a real relationship by the chapter, even if it's under the guise of fooling Ronan. Drunk Scorpius is great!! I can't even handle him admitting to his crush on Rose right now. Honestly perfect, wow. I'm not really all that surprised that Albus doesn't drink. I think I'm getting to know him somewhat at this point, even though he doesn't let on a lot about himself even still. You're doing a good job at writing a multitude of characters and kind of keeping all of them together and giving them distinct personalities and voices. Really great job so far.

 Report Review

Review #13, by happyanon Aaliyah: The Date

20th August 2014:
Aw they're starting to get along so well. That's a relief. But why did ronan wink at albus? Hmm curious. Maybe Albus planned it all!? Omg that'd be like a big drama moment. Im really curious of the real story of fred and his cheating and why rose isnt fond of alliyah :) I dunno I love the chapter before this because it was a biy playful and has a bit of more fluff than this. Well the ar se grabbing forhead touching was nice. Maybe we should have more of those. Haha but well done dear. It was a nice chapter :) hopefully you can update soon. Xoxo

Author's Response: They are getting along, aren't they? It's a bit weird but exciting write them getting along.

I was hoping someone would think Ronan winking at Albus is fishy.(Did I just say fishy? Lol, sorry.) And I would tell you why but I can't... that'll be revealed soon enough. ;)

Fred is coming next chapter so part of his story will be revealed. Rose is kind of jealous of Aaliyah so that's why she can't stand her. And more to that will come in a few chapters.

I'm glad you liked that chapter! I had a fun time writing it. I didn't even realize that it turned out to be more fluff-y, lol. :D

If only we could have more of those moments. Albus and Aaliyah need more of them haha.

Thanks for the super sweet review. It really made me smile. Thanks a million!


 Report Review

Review #14, by crestwood Albus: The Family

20th August 2014:
I can totally understand Aaliyah's nervousness about being properly introduced to the Wotter family. The way you write them makes them a lot less intimidating though. I love how hilarious you've made them.

Albus and Aaliyah have gotten much better at faking their relationship. I'm under the personal belief that they'll eventually realize that none of this was faked. Especially with Albus keeping count of how long they'd been dating without realizing what he was doing.

The Weasley Night Gathering is excellent writing. The timestamps give you a good snapshot of what's going on at the gathering, without having to draw it out longer than necessary and maybe losing the readers attention. It helps immensely with the flow, especially in a scene with so many characters participating. Another good chapter!

 Report Review

Review #15, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Slytherins

20th August 2014:
Well, this is my favorite chapter yet. Albus and Aaliyah's banter is getting progressively more comfortable, they address their awkwardness, Scorpius is still perfect, and Albus shares some personal information!! The story is really moving along now. Your characters are really organically growing and changing. Nothing feels forced or out of character, so good job on that.

Albus' dormmates are hilarious!! They're like the stereotypical group of gossipy girls, but gender switched. I like that it's not only the girls who find a nice bit of relationship details interesting. You did a great job of separating their personalities though, so that they don't seem like one big monotonous group.

Seth admitting his feelings complicates things. I thought I was shipping Aaliyah and Albus, but now it looks like he may truly be the guy for her. I mean, they're actually friends and he's thoughtful and open with her and basically everything Albus is not. Al is going to have to step up his game if he hopes to compete with all of that. I'm impressed with the way you slowly build up the drama. Looks like that kiss on the head is bound to create some more!

 Report Review

Review #16, by crestwood Albus: The Confrontations

19th August 2014:
The Ronan Daily is mean and everything, but it also raises some good points. Albus and Aaliyah don't seem like a very good couple yet. They aren't yet "golden couple" material in my opinion. Hopefully they do reach that point eventually though.

Albus' inability to create a substantial list of reasons he's dating Aaliyah is troublesome. Even if he sits down and thinks about it, he's unable to make their relationship convincing. The scene with Scorpius gives the chapter some great comedic relief. I'm starting to feel like Aaliyah and Albus' banter is getting more natural as it appears in that scene even.

Gabby is nice to come to her sister's defense. I'm interested about if Albus was lying when he claimed to really like her. I don't like Fred. He speaks about Aaliyah as if he owns her and Albus can just exchange her for something else and give him the deed. Overall, the characters are solid though and the plot is only getting more and more interesting!

Author's Response: And my responding to your squee-worthy reviews continue...

The Ronan Daily is mean, isn't it? Is it a bad thing that I actually enjoy writing it? *hides*

Albus isn't very thoughtful, especially when it comes to complimenting people and being all romantic and what not. And Scorpius kind of wants to bang his head on the table because of his best friends antics just like the rest of us. If you would have asked him to write a list on Rose, it would take too long to read, lol.

I think that's the biggest question of all: does Albus like her or not? I would tell you but then... you know how it goes. ;) Haha, I'm kidding. At this moment, he doesn't really know her so... no, he does't like her (not yet).

You don't like Fred? To be honest I don't like Fred either. As the author I probably should but I really don't. Is it a bad thing if you don't like your characters? :P If only this fic revolved much more around feminism (instead of drama)because then I could add in a scene with Aaliyah telling Fred that she is a free, independent woman that needs no man... in front of everyone in the Great Hall. That may be a little out of character of her though hehe.

Thank you for being your brilliant self and taking the time to review! I immensely enjoy reading it (and the rest of them)! :D


 Report Review

Review #17, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Reaction

19th August 2014:
Naomi and Gemma are probably not people I'd want to be around very often. Their fight is pretty funny though and well, teenagers fight over that kind of stuff all the time.

I really like the group dynamic in the Great Hall as well. The banter is great and everyone feels so comfortable with each other; that is until Albus comes along, of course. I don't think he thought that one through haha. I could feel the awkward tension of the moment.

While, I don't quite understand the reaction of Annie and Ellie personally, I've actually been in a similar situation and their anger is very much realistic. I'm glad they didn't stay mad at Aaliyah, although that could change very quickly if they find out that the relationship isn't authentic at all.

I really like Albus personally. He made things a little uncomfortable but he seems like a lot of fun to me and I look forward to finding out more and more about him. By the way, the flow of these chapters is perfectly fine. There's no big instances where I'm pulled out of the story. I think you're doing a good job so far.

Author's Response: I wouldn't want to be around Naomi and Gemma often either to be honest. :P I think how they are explains why Aaliyah isn't very good friends with them.

There is a group dynamic? How come I haven't heard of this before? :P No, I'm joking. I think introducing all of her close friends was the hard part about writing this chapter because it's four people and their personalities have to kind of go together but at the same time be distinguished.

I honestly think Albus likes tension... especially when he causes it. ^_^

I think the reason they didn't stay mad for too long is because they are pretty understanding and accepting. Aaliyah dating again was just a shock for them (it's a been a year since she has even seemed a little interested in a guy) and Ellie was kind of rooting for Aaliyah/Seth.

YES, SOMEONE LIKES ALBUS! A lot of readers didn't like Albus all to much in this chapter due to him kind of being really Slytherin-y (which I perfectly understand) but yay, you like him! He's one of those people that make a lot of people uncomfortable (and he loves it) but he grows on you, I promise.

Oh, the flow is working... that's great!

Your reviews are an ABSOLUTE DELIGHT, thank you.


 Report Review

Review #18, by crestwood Albus: The Decision

19th August 2014:
I am really glad you decided to switch between POVs in this story because now I get to see the inside of Albus' mind, which, I must say, is very different than I expected. While Aaliyah seemed to think of him as impenetrable, he seems to have an equally difficult time reading her. That makes everything so much more interesting if you ask me. Now that Aaliyah has agreed to the proposition, they're going to have to spend a lot of time together and their mutual fascination will be very fun to read.

I love Scorpius in this story. I hope we get to see the fallout from his revelation about Rose as a subplot in future chapters. The way he woke up Albus and told him was really sweet.

Albus' acting when he knew Ronan was coming was pretty great, especially since Aaliyah didn't even know what was happening at the time. I'm anxiously anticipating what the fallout from that is going to look like. Finally seeing Ronan in action will be awesome. Great chapter!

Author's Response: The switching pov thing wasn't actually a planned thing... it just sort of happened. The way I wrote his mind is very different from what I expected too. It took some time to get comfortable with writing him (Albus likes being difficult at times :P). I think they are both too curious for their own goods but if they weren't, they would probably just sit down next to each other and not talk at all.

Scorpius is love, lol. I know he's a Slytherin and he should be much more reserved but I really wanted to write him likable and a tiny bit goofy and Rose is his soft spot. I'm so happy that you like him! His crush and what he's going to do about it is woven into the story.

You reviews are love, just like Scorpius. ;)


 Report Review

Review #19, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Meeting

19th August 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here with your requested review. I'm so so sorry it's taken me this long to get around to this! I'll probably check out some of your other work to make up for taking over a week.

First of all, I LOVE the summary. I wish I could write something that hooks people like that.
And, you've really got me on edge right from the beginning here. The way you described 'the fear that lives inside of me' was great. Especially that slow, hollow laugh. Pretty gripping imagery there.

The gossiping paintings were a nice touch as well - people don't utilize paintings as much as they should on this site.

As an aside, I love the name Aaliyah.

Albus stole the limelight in this chapter even before he had any lines at all. I really like his un-forthcoming nature. I love characters like him that aren't going to make anything simple and clear cut. I can only assume we're going to learn more and more about him as a person as the story goes on. I'm quite sure he'll eventually be right about Aaliyah changing her mind, but the fun is in seeing how it all happens!

Charlotte is kind of terrifying. I can tell by how serious everyone takes her that she has a lot of power in Hogwarts. I can't wait to see her rumour starting prowess in action later in the story.

James and Gabby faked being a couple for so long that it leads me to believe that there's something unsaid going on. Maybe someone they know has something to hide.

I'm hoping that Albus and Aaliyah eventually do find some way to have feelings for each other because I'd love to see how someone like Albus would act like in a relationship. I'm still not even entirely sure where you're going with this honestly, but you've definitely got my attention. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Hi! You weren't late AT ALL. I think I'm the one who is taking some time to respond to all for your amazing reviews.

Summaries = confusing. I honestly have no idea how to write summaries that fit the story but it's great to hear that you liked the one for this story!

I love building tension in scenes so that's probably why you were on edge at beginning. Imagery is probably one of the aspects of writing I have a difficult time with so it really made me happy to hear that you think it worked in that scene. Fear is a fickle thing to write about.

I love the paintings at Hogwarts so that's why I included them. And you like the name Aaliyah? We have something in common then! That's actually the name I saved if I ever had a daughter but I ended up giving it to my character since the name fit her so well.

Albus is an attention stealer though I don't think he means to do that all the time. :P And he REALLY isn't going to make anything simple, especially for Aaliyah.

Charlotte is a little terrifying. That's how I wrote her and that's how she is. And she'll definitely have a lot of action later on (with her heels in tow). James and Gabby may have a few secrets and they are protective people so they usually protect everyone they care about.

Albus in a relationship would be interesting to see. Him having feelings for someone would be when he might freak out a little. :P

I had a terrific time reading your review and writing this response. Thank you for being so insightful and sweet! I'll hopefully get to the rest of the reviews soon. :D


 Report Review

Review #20, by AlexFan Albus: The Confrontations

18th August 2014:
I KNEW IT I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD CATCH ONTO THEIR AWKWARDNESS, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?! But now that it's written in the school newspaper it's going to attract even more attention to Aaliyah and Albus. They're going to have to step up their game.

OOOoOOooOO DRAMA! There is tension everywhere and obviously there were going to be people that would be unhappy about the whole thing but I'm especially interested in what's going on with Rose here (maybe you mentioned this in the chapters before in which case I'm going to go back and read them again just to make sure I'm caught up). Am I detecting a little bit of jealous in Rose, is this what I'm seeing? Or is Rose mad about what went on between Aaliyah and Fred and that's why she hates her (because it kind of sounds like she's grasping at straws when she accused Aaliyah of cheating on her OWLs).

I loved the interaction between Aaliyah, Albus, and Scorpius during that little list bit because they seemed at ease for the first time in a while. I could've believed that Al and Aa were dating in that moment.

As much as I pity Fred, it's annoying me how he's treating Aaliyah like a piece of meat (and Albus as well). Like, if she wanted to be with Fred, she could've done that before she started going out with Albus. Clearly Aaliyah doesn't want to be with him so I highly doubt that even if she wasn't dating Albus she'd take Fred back. LET THE GIRL DECIDE GUYS!

I'm going to go back and refresh my memory of the first two chapters so that I can be fully prepared for this story.

Author's Response: Yes, someone did catch on. YOU WERE RIGHT, YAY.

Rose is a complicated character. Actually most of the characters here are complicated lol. She isn't jealous, but she doesn't like Aaliyah... at all. She basically hates her which will be a problem for Albus and Aaliyah later on. That's why she accuses her of cheating on her OWLs even though Aaliyah didn't. More of Aaliyah and her history is going to be shown from time to time in the story.

Scorpius is one of my favorites out of all of the characters so I always like to write him. Albus and Aaliyah are getting better at this whole dating thing (finally)... soon it'll be a natural skill.

Fred... I find it really hard to like him for some reason. Maybe it's just the way I wrote him haha. Albus and Fred probably should stop treating her as a piece of meat and they hopefully will soon (okay... maybe not Fred). Albus' protectiveness of her kind of sparked in this chapter and will continue to grow from here.

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review. I had the BEST time reading it! I love it when the readers understand the story and can understand the characters to a point. THANKS again, Grace!!


 Report Review

Review #21, by AlexFan Aaliyah: The Reaction

11th August 2014:
Sorry for taking so long to get to this but I was busy, BUT ANYWAY!

It's been a really long time since I read this story and I had to check which chapters I had left reviews for and this was one that I hadn't so here I am.

I like the characterization of Aaliyah and Albus, because you can tell that they're two different people who don't know each other at all. They don't know how the other person thinks or their mannerisms or what they like and dislike so obviously faking a relationship is going to be hard. I think maybe if they took some time to just sit down and talk to each other so that they could have some idea of what they have in common, or stuff that they both hate and I think they would have an easier time of convincing everyone that they're dating. I don't know how no one else caught onto the awkwardness between the two of them honestly.

I think the plot is moving along at a good pace, you've introduced some more characters into the story but you've also kept it focussed on the main idea and moving that along. I was worried that the actual start of the fake relationship was going to be in the next chapter but I was really happy to find out that it happened in this one. I'm pretty excited to see what happens in the next few chapters.

In terms of flow, I felt like the chapter was a little bit choppy. I think the biggest thing that interrupted the flow was the interruptions that Aaliyah made about each character. Like when Seth showed up for example and she describes his appearance, that kind of pulled me out of the story a little bit because it didn't seem to fit into the scene very well. I think if you showed your reader the characters appearance through mannerisms (for example, running your hand through blond hair, or green eyes twinkling etc.) instead of just outright telling them what the person looks like then it would make everything blend together a lot better.

But other than that, great third chapter!

Author's Response: No, you didn't take long at all!

They are two different people and if they did actually take the time to get to know each other it would be much easier but they didn't. I think they were just a bit too stubborn to try to get to know each other beforehand. :P

I think the only reason no has caught their awkwardness is because they are still in shock. I mean Aaliyah and Albus was kinda sorta really unexpected. They'll work on their awkwardness though.

I actually liked my plot pacing in the beginning but then looking back I feel like it's been slow so I kind of started to freak haha. I'm quite relieved that you find that it's at a good pace and isn't going slug slow (which is pretty slow). And the reason I probably made it start in this chapter is because I got impatient, lol.

Thank you for pointing out the flow issue. I get what you mean and I'm going to try and look into it as soon as I have time.

Thanks for the review. I love the points you made and thank you for pointing out the choppy thing. I haven't read or even looked back at this chapter in a longgg time and I guess it's time to address some issues I hadn't then.

Thanks again!! I had a fantastic time reading this.


 Report Review

Review #22, by UnluckyStar57 Aaliyah: The Reaction

10th August 2014:
Hi! It's been far too long! I'm glad to be back, reviewing your story again, especially since it has eight chapters now! Wow! :D

Okay, so the tension can only escalate from here. Albus is an awful person (more about that later), and Aaliyah's friends don't really like her choice in a boyfriend. But why do they get so angry about it? Hmmm...

Wow, so the first section about a sleepless night is one I can totally relate to right now, having just woken up from a sleepless night myself. :P I particularly liked this quote: "It feels right. And sometimes you need something to feel right to balance out all the things that go wrong." It was really interesting and actually much more mature than the Aaliyah that presented herself in the rest of the chapter. (I guess sleepless nights have a way of making people less mature.) :P

A question about the Albus/Aaliyah thing: Could they have planned out their interactions a little bit better? Maybe they might've held off on the declaration of their "lurve" for a week, and in the meantime they could've dropped hints about how cute they think each other are, and et cetera? Just a thought. I think it's really awful of Albus to just jump right in and do whatever when he knew that Aaliyah wasn't prepared for it.

But before I get into my rant about Albus: The roommates. Gemma and Naomi seem like the types of girls that I would never want to associate with. They got into a major fight just because of a boy!! I don't know, I think that they, being Ravenclaws, would've found ways to sabotage each other instead of catfighting. But maybe they didn't think of that before they let their emotions run wild. Ugh, they're insane. I don't like them at all! They should probably just forget about Luke and find other people to date, to be honest. :P

Hmmm, Seth. For all of Aaliyah's protests, I think that Seth might have a bit of a flame for her. But he's just too shy to say anything and now she's got a "boyfriend," uh oh! What's going to happen there? I was particularly intrigued by the shifting nature of Seth's physical features. Would it be safe to assume that he's at least a little bit of a metamorphmagus? :P

Okay, Albus rant now: I HATE ALBUS POTTER IN THIS CHAPTER. The whole sitting-down-in-the-midst-of-the-Ravenclaws thing was bad enough, but then he kept doing things that Aaliyah wasn't okay with. Gr. Why did he have to keep his plans a secret from her? Couldn't they have planned things out so that the events at breakfast were less... tense? And what were her friends doing while she and Albus had their little whisper-fight? Ugh, I just wish that he would be more considerate. And the "marking his property" thing made me REALLY MAD. NOBODY should be allowed to do that. But people in real life probably do, which is sad. So I'm glad that you've shown Albus in a less-than-pleasant light, because maybe he'll get a chance to redeem himself later. As long as he apologizes for being so chauvinistic first. :)

Arrggh, sorry for turning this review into a rant-fest. I just want to express how angry I am with Albus right now. I think it's important for you to know that you've managed to make me dislike Albus so much already, and I'm glad that he's not-so-nice (for now). It will give him more room for character growth. :D

The confrontation with her friends was honestly the only part that I felt was rushed. You spent a bit of time building up to it, and then they just instantly forgave Aaliyah. What I don't understand is why they were so worked up about it in the first place. Do they have something against Albus? Or are they just so close to Aaliyah that they feel left out of her life because she kept her "relationship" a secret? I can't really tell, but I would have liked to see a bit more tension after Annie said, "Guys, calm down. Let's just talk it out." Maybe a more gradual lightening of the mood? But anyway, Aaliyah has some pretty loyal and caring friends if they get worked up about her secret relationships. :)

A few grammar things:

"Either my decision making skills have gone straight down the toilet or I don't actually know the other option, but.. yeah."~I think that this sentence might be better without the "I don't actually know..." part. It seemed a bit out of place in the narrative. Perhaps just shorten it to "My decision-making skills have gone straight down the toilet." Just a suggestion, though!

""I DIDN'T STEAL HIM AWAY. HE LOVES ME!" I snort."~This makes it sound like Aaliyah is the one who said this particular bit of dialogue. Perhaps make "I snort" and the words that follow into a different paragraph?

"She is what you call the 'cute and sassy chic.'"~Is "chic" supposed to be "chick?" I wasn't quite sure.

"Not only is she smart but wise in a way."~I see what you mean in this sentence, but I think it could have been a little bit more clear. Perhaps reword it and give a qualifier? What makes her "wise" as opposed to just "smart?" Is she intelligent as well as good at reading people? Does she give good advice? That's what I would like to know. :)

Sorry for the length of this review. It's a bit unwieldy. :P

But anyways, here's what I like about this story/chapter: Aaliyah is realistic. She's just stuck in a situation that she can't really control right now, and I'm rooting for her in hopes that she'll take control. You've managed to make me hate some characters with just a few scenes. In my opinion, that is MUCH better than just feeling so-so about them. Maybe I'll be surprised in the next chapter! And of course, the writing style is great. I really enjoy reading these chapters! So keep doing what you're doing, and I'll see you next time you request a review! :D


Author's Response: I hate sleepless nights but then... I can wake up earlier if I get less sleep, idk why. I totally forgot about that quote. It's been some time since I went back over Chapter 3. I'm glad you like it though. Maybe it was the sleepless night(s) that makes her less mature? That or maybe it was because of a certain Potter's presence? Who knows? :P

They definitely could have planned it better, but... they didn't. The thing is not everyone gets everything right so that's the part they didn't get right. They didn't time it right. But as they grow, they'll learn. I guess I wanted to add in some aspects about being a teenager.

I wouldn't want to associate myself with Gemma and Naomi either but there are those girls in school that even if you don't know them too well, you want to stay away from them. Or maybe that's just me. They aren't going to make many appearances in the rest of the story but they do forget about Luke.

Seth... I don't really want to reveal too much. :P But let's just say he's coming up in the next few chapters. He is a metamorphmagus... when it comes to emotions. He isn't as controlled as Al.

I had a lot of fun reading your Albus rant. You HATE him? Well, he really isn't that likable, is he? But he does grow... a lot. He's the character who changes the most (positively) in the story. And maybe your hate for him will turn into love? :D

I do see why you would feel that part was rushed. When I have the time, I'll try and look back at it and maybe make it feel more well paced. And her friends care a lot about her so they weren't really angry at her... more hurt. Ellie just shows hurt as anger.

Thanks for catching those mistakes. I will definitely go back and fix them when the que opens again.

You are probably one of the only readers that outright hates someone with a passion at the moment and I love that. Feeling strong emotion toward a character is always better than nothing at all, as you said.

And now I have a new goal... I'm going to make you LOVE Al. Granted, it's going to take time but I totally going to make you like him. I'll show you how much of a SOFTIE he is. :P

Overall, I LOVE reading your reviews. I need to re-request more often. You give great and honest feedback that I love and thank you for that.

100/10 on this review! :D


 Report Review

Review #23, by Dirigible_PLums Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

8th August 2014:

Author's Response: Lol, no need to be embarrassed. I actually read that part of your review and freaked a little because I thought I made a spelling mistake. I went back and re-read it and was just like 'phew'. But thanks for coming back to tell me! And I would be concerned as well if Al thought of himself as his own boyfriend. He might be cunning but he isn't totally crazy, lol. :P


 Report Review

Review #24, by Dirigible_Plums Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

7th August 2014:
This fic will be the death of me. It's really really good...yet it updates once in a blue moon. Like Voldemort, I have died and been resurrected in the time it has taken you to update. Your saving grace is that the chapter is of a great quality.

I really like reading in Al's point of view. I just like Al in general. There has only been one fanfic that I have read where he is a central character and I have not liked him. This is not that one. I honestly like the way you've made him so Slytherin and to be honest, he reminds me of the Al I created for a fic that I will never upload because it is horrible. Only this Albus is better than my Al.

Aaliyah's past intrigues me. Her relationship with Fred, her past relationships in general, her dislike of Rose Weasley... So many questions with answers that I hope are coming soon.

Your characters in general are built really well. All with their flaws and baggage and little quirks. If they came to life, I would treat them like real people. They can't be shoved into a little pigeon hole generalising them if that makes sense.

I would like to see a little more interaction with Aaliyah's friends. Albus seems like just the type to irritate them and love it purely because they'll feel uncomfortable :P

THE LAST PART THOUGH. The way he reacted to asking Aaliyah out to Hogsmeade. You know, the slight panicking- the grinning- the questioning himself. It's just, ugh, it's perfect. I love it and look forward to more in the future.

Dirigible_Plums xoxo

P.S: I find it so weird when he refers to himself as his "boyfriend". It's just so...weird.

Author's Response: You're making me feel guilty right now... I know I'm very bad at updating... I promise I'll try to get better though.

Yay, someone likes Al!! Honestly, I can hug you right now! Slytherin Al is my favorite so that's why I write him in that house. He's not the most likable character though, lol. I'm sure your Al was great. You should upload the story... it's probably wonderful. I would definitely read it.

Some of the answers to her relationship with Fred is coming soon... in Chapter 10 and 11, I think? Rose is coming a bit later... but she will play a major role.

My characters do kind of have a lot of baggage but I think that's why I like writing them. You think they are well built? Aww, thanks!

Albus would do that, haha. I think you understood his character well. :D I will try to bring her friends in more often... they are coming next chapter.

I was actually worried that the last part came out too rushed but I'm glad you liked it.

Thanks for the fantastic review! I had a wonderful time reading it and I'll probably re-read it in the future.


P.S. I really will try to get the next chapter up soon. Hopefully by the end of this month. :)

 Report Review

Review #25, by marauderfan Aaliyah: The Slytherins

18th May 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review!

Your AoC mainly revolved around the characters. I must say I really like Aaliyah in this chapter. She is very astute and though she doesn't always say much, she makes shrewd assessments and seems to be a pretty intelligent girl (...even if she gets sucked into the drama of fake relationships.) I particularly like her analysis of why her "relationship" with Albus isn't working out and haha I liked when she called him out on it all being awkward. The dynamic of their acquaintance (for lack of better word, since it's not exactly a friendship) is really interesting too since they're both so reserved, one of them is going to have to crack eventually or they'll both be irritated at the other for being so reserved! :P And, well, not really surprised Albus has only had two girlfriends - I mean, he's only 16. But it's progress that he told Aaliyah something about himself. Yay!

So for the new characters. Sebastian seems like a creeper, but maybe that's just a bad first impression because he was staring at her! :P Kian seems like a nice guy, the past friendship does help there! One thing that confused me though is why he's so keen to get to know her now, because after two years of being Potions partners doesn't he know her already? And actually all of them seemed a little... (well, I hate to use the stereotype, but) girly, the way they pounce on her for details about a relationship, and then try to convince Al to let her stay while he tries to tell them she's leaving. Why doesn't Aaliyah get a say in all this? I mean, Albus doesn't own her. She's a free woman and can do what she wants! (ok, or not. She's kind of trespassing in their dormitory I guess haha.)

Anyway, before I just ramble away unnecessarily, I think you've distinguished the three new Slytherins well, pointing out different things about each. I think their personalities will become clearer in time though, as they just haven't had as much screen time yet.

Aww! Seth's confession was so cute and I know this is going to be Albus/Aaliyah eventually but I totally ship Seth/Aaliyah! I kind of feel like my doomed Seth/Aaliyah ship is like that sinking rowboat Jack Sparrow has at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean. It never has a chance, haha.

Also, I know this is completely irrelevant but do you make your own graphics and stuff? cause they're awesome.

Sorry about the wait for this review! Lovely work on this chapter :)

Author's Response: Gah, I feel so horrible for taking so long with this reply.

They are both really reserved so yeah they kind of blame the other of their awkwardness but they will become friends... it just may take some time. I honestly want to see both of them crack at the same time because then both of their reactions would be 'what am I supposed to do' or 'well this is getting serious, maybe I should leave.' That won't happen though... sadly.

Sebastian is a creeper? Lol, I guess out of all of them he would be the creeper. Well, him or Scorpius. He's actually more of a womanizer than the rest. He's charming but he doesn't always get attention from girls so he kind of has to fight for that. I will show you his sensitive side though and make you love him. :P Kian and her are friends but they don't talk too often. And he probably is confused why she never told him anything since he knows Albus and all.

I did make the boys act a little girly, didn't I? Honestly, none of the Slytherins do serious relationships or even have serious relationships so when they found out about Aaliyah they thought it was serious... esp since it's Al and all. And Albus is more reserved than the rest so... they kind of want to know what's going on. They might be guys and not make a big deal out of most things but they all do care for each other.

Seth/Aaliyah is a sinking ship I'm sorry to say. He's a sweet guy though. And we'll see him more later on. I hope that makes up for the fact that him and Aaliyah won't happen. :P

All of the chapter stuff are made by me. Making graphics is one of my hobbies. And thank you!

Thank you so much for taking the time to review, it's much appreciated! I loved reading all of your insights and your honesty is great! Thanks again!!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>