Reading Reviews for Crossing the Borderline
  
115 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alicia and anne Aaliyah: The Meeting

29th July 2015:
The paintings are such gossips! But I bet that I would be if I was a painting as well and all I did was hang around in the corridors I would gossip as well haha. :D

I like how she's close with James, but Albus is a quiet enigma. :( I really enjoy the idea of Albus being perceived as withdrawn and distant with people. I really love it.

Oh no! Who is this person walking towards the room? Is it bad that I'm a little scared of them? I wonder why Albus keeps staring at her? Does he fancy her?

Oh I would so hide from her as well. I would worry about her finding out gossip and spreading it around the school.

Oooo I really like the idea of them being the new power couple that's going to be in a fake relationship like James and Gabby. Did you say why they faked it? I can't remember haha.

Anyways this is an awesome first chapter and I'm so intrigued by it all and I can't wait to find out more.

 Report Review

Review #2, by merlins beard Aaliyah: The Meeting

27th July 2015:
Hey there,
I'm FINALLY here with the review I promised about three weeks ago. I'm really sorry it took so long.

This is a very promising start to what will be an exciting story. I really like how you described your characters in so much detail, especially focusing on their imperfections, on making them not likeable at first. I really think it makes them much more believeable and is a really nice contrast to all the perefect potter children in many other fics.

I can see that Albus' plan may include a little more than he reveals right here, and I also think that it might just work. Faking a relationship is probably not as easy as you make it sound with James and Gabbie, (that may be why they're breaking up) and I find that this shouldn't be necessary for the protection from gossip. Something is going wrong here and I wonder why McGonagall doesn't put a stop to it. I'm really interested in what the next chapter brings.

I have one slight CC, but it's mostly personal preference. I think your chapters are fairly long, and the story may profit from splitting the longer ones into two. I find it hard to hold my attention for an extended period of time when reading on a screen, that's why I like chapters to be between 2000 and 3500 words,but that's only me. Just thought I'd mention it anyway.

I think I'll enjoy reading more of this,so I'll put it on my reading list for now - sadly, it has to wait a while because work is keeping me so busy.

Thanks for a fantastic read -I love how I find good stories by offering reviews.

~Anja xxx

 Report Review

Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell Albus: The Decision

25th July 2015:
Hey Sama!

Here for our review swap. I've been meaning to come back and review more of this story, so this was the perfect opportunity :D

I can tell you've really thought through the core traits of your characters. I love that I can clearly see that Albus is a Slytherin--I have run across plenty of fics where the characters don't seem to match with their House traits at all, or only in very superficial ways, but I vastly prefer things like this, when it's quite clear why they are where they are. Albus obviously has pride and self-confidence, he is prone to keeping secrets, and he carefully guards his emotions. It's clearly important to him to be in control, and to not let anyone have an advantage over him. It's all clear in the things he does and in his mental monologue. That's very well done.

I also find it hilarious that he's so guarded with his emotions that, in some ways, he refuses to admit them to himself. That boy is in serious denial about his infatuation with Aaliyah. His examination of her also demonstrates that he is keenly observant. You set up a lot of his character traits without saying them outright, and that's wonderful! :D

The other thing I really like here is that Aaliyah's lines sound very realistic--like what a clever (and cautious) teenage girl in her situation would say. Overall, I give you lots of points for your characterization.

CC:

First I'll give some general comments and then some specific ones: If you do edits, the main thing I would suggest adjusting is sentence structure. There are a good many sentences in this chapter that could use a comma or two to break them up. There's also a few places that have shorter sentences and sentence fragments that come across as a bit choppy. They would flow better if they were combined with dashes or commas or semi-colons.

For my specific comments, I always try to give an example of how it might be written, just in case it helps. Vague CC can be frustrating, bc then you think something might be wrong but you've no clue how to fix it. I don't want to leave anyone in that boat. However, these are all just suggestions. I definitely might not have captured your intent. I'm just throwing them in there in case you're useful, but I don't want to tell you how anything should, for sure, be written. That's often a matter of style, and everyone has their own. I don't want to intrude!

"I slowly open an eye to see Scorpiusís expression, but there isnít a trace of a single reaction. Being a snake teaches you how to be collected at all times (well, almost at all times)."
--This sentence seems a little out of place, since immediately above Albus was saying that Scorpius was showing way more emotion than was wise. The qualifier in parentheses doesn't quite take away the fact that Albus is contradicting himself. Maybe it would be better to say something like, "I slowly open an eye to see Scorpius' expression, but there isn't a single trace of emotion. It seems that his Slytherin side has finally kicked in."

ďWhy would she choose to finally come out after trying to avoid it like a disease? Aaliyah doesnít even know me and seeing that Iím Fredís cousin she doesnít trust me."
--I think this sentence could be a little clearer. Maybe something like: "Why would she choose to draw attention to herself when she's spent years avoiding it like a disease? Aaliyah doesn't even know me. And, seeing as I'm Fred's cousin, she doesn't trust me."

ďThe tension in that abandoned classroom tired me out. Aaliyah and I may have been there for moral support and all, but I think we both felt the tension radiating off of James and Gabby. Now that I am in the Slytherin Common Room, I can finally relax with the heat from the fireplace warming me as well as the leather of the couch. That bench that I had to sit on for two whole hours was hard, rough, hard, scratched up, and hard. (Did I mention hard?)"
--I'd maybe sub in a synonym for one of those "tension"s. The 3rd sentence would be clearer if the words were re-ordered a little. i.e. "Now that I am in the Slytherin Common Room, sitting on the soft leather couch, I can bask in the warmth of the fireplace and finally relax..."

When you want to accomplish something, you need a couple things: effort, want and belief.
-- I think "desire" might sound better here than "want".

"You may call it a hero complex or whatever. However, that isnít it. It is one of those impressions that make you think you could have done something. You could have prevented some of the events but you didnít. Instead of doing something that caused an effect, you guilt yourself into thinking that you could have stopped that effect."
--When I first read this paragraph, I had a little trouble following what he was saying. I'd suggest running through this bit and clarifying it.
i.e. "You may call it a hero complex or whatever, but that isn't it. It's a responsibility, the kind that you feel when disaster strikes, and you know you could have done something; you could have prevented some of that, but you didn't. It sucks to feel guilty for the things you did, but the things you failed to do? Yeah, those'll make you feel a hell of a lot worse."

"Her face doesnít hold any visible traces of thoughtfulness or anger, only passion towards the book she is reading. Weird."
--For some reason "passion towards the book she is reading" is striking me as an odd turn of phrase. And most people do look thoughtful when they read, since their absorbed in the story. Maybe, "Her face doesn't hold any visible traces of worry or anger, only a passionate interest in the book she is reading."


I'm a super nitpicky person, but you mentioned that it's easier to edit when stuff is pointed out to you, so I figured I'd go ahead and be particular. Feel free to PM me for any clarification! I'm loving the characters and setup!

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #4, by RavenclawFTW Aaliyah: The Tape

20th July 2015:
Heya Sama! I've here for BvB, although really I should have dropped a review when I first read through the chapter!

I was really surprised by the truth about the tape-- I really had no idea what it was going to be, but that explanation explains so much about this story. I'm impressed now how you've woven hints of it throughout the story and waited so long to reveal the truth about it. I thought the scene where they discuss it in the Hospital Wing was really well done with Albus being patient but bitter and Aaliyah as curious as ever.

Then I love how the two friend groups are kind of combining and getting along better now! The tension between Ellie and Al is really interesting, and I like how Ellie really can't refute the article because it's (accidentally?) hit the nail on the head-- she has been unsupportive! Then I like how Al is warming up to Seth and Isaac, and how the friend groups seem like they really could get along quite well. I'm excited to see where it goes with Blaine and Annie, and I really love their dynamic as it continues to unfold!

Finally, the conversation between Aaliyah and Seth-- it had to happen at some point and Seth handled it so well! Honest, but comforting. Aaliyah was always going to feel guilty, but he isn't babying her about it, and he understands where she's coming from.

Great chapter and I can't wait for the next update! :)

--J

Author's Response: Hi J!

The tape was sort of a surprise itself. It never meant to happen but I thought of it and it kind of built from there. I'm really glad that you're surprised... that's how I wanted it to be. That scene was a little nerve-wracking since the words came to me easily but I wasn't sure if I balanced it right. Albus was talking a lot of the time and I tried to weave Aaliyah's commentary around his story to make it flow better. I'm really glad to hear that you thought it was well done!

They are getting along! It's surprising. The groups are going to end up interacting a lot due to Albus and Aaliyah since both of them are so attached to their friends. I knew I wanted one of Aaliyah's friends being unsupportive from the very beginning and that turned out to be Ellie. But Ellie will grow to like Albus and vice versa... well I think so. Blaine and Annie... they're fun to write. There is the guy who has a huge crush on the girl and there is the girl who has no idea how to react. And it's something both of the groups know about and are always hinting at.

They took forever to sit down and talk about it, but it did happen... in the library of all places. Seth is reasonable. He knows it isn't Aaliyah's fault in the slightest and nor is it his. That and the fact that he's kind of a softie. I sometimes feel bad that I didn't give him love. He deserves it.

Thank you for the thoughtful review, J! I loved reading it! And I'll try to update soon!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #5, by Diana Hanson Aaliyah: The Tape

19th July 2015:
I love this story.love, love, love the Potter boys. Very surprised about two things...first being Fred's indiscretion and the second was James obliviating his friends. That, while understandable, was super surprising. This story is so intriguing and I am thrilled that it is only 1/3 finished. Please keep the chapters coming. I want more Aaliyah/Albus action. Thank you!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! You're too sweet. I'm really glad you like James and Albus! Potter boys are just hard to resist writing. I think it broke James a little to obliviate his friends but he knew it was the right thing to do. And Fred isn't someone who is good at keeping things inside and he kind of lost control that night. I'll try my best to keep the chapters coming! There will be some Aaliyah/Albus action next chapter so watch out for that. Thank you for the kind review!! It's been lovely hearing from you!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #6, by p Aaliyah: The Tape

18th July 2015:
I'm dying to know who the girl was behind the tape incident. You're the best for updating so quickly! :) Can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: We'll find out who the girl behind the tape incident is before the end of the story, don't you worry! I hope it'll be surprising. I'll try my best to update again by the end of the month or beginning of next month! Thank you for taking the time to drop a review! I love hearing from readers!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #7, by Dirigible_Plums Aaliyah: The Tape

18th July 2015:
Hey,

(First of all, lemme tell you how much I love the curiosity line. It's probably my favourite one in the entire chapter.)

...And the plot thickens. I wonder where the Tape/Memory Card is now and whether it'd make any difference whether they find it or not. I have the feeling that Ronan is the type to have memorised its contents anyways, but uses the existence of it to hold over the Weasleys' heads.

I think I'm gonna re-read all of the chapters because I completely forgot about the existence of Professor Reagan and if he's as hot as the girls of Hogwarts say he is, that's just not acceptable. I think that I just need to go through it again to refresh my memory.

I like that Seth doesn't appear to resent Aaliyah for not returning his feelings. I also love the banter between the Slytherins. Ah, Slytherins. Gotta love them.

Until next time,

Dirigible_Plums xo

Author's Response: Hello again!

I feel like I channeled some John Green with that line because now that I think about it I feel like he had a similar one.

The plot does thicken a bit. Or I hope so anyway. I myself don't know where the tape is. :P Okay, so maybe I have an idea where it is... but I can't exactly tell you. And you're definitely right about Ronan... she is the type to memorize all the contents.

Professor Reagan! *swoon* He isn't talked about a lot in the story but he is mentioned in chapter six I believe. I honestly think I have to make a chappie of him. Then everyone will see why the Hogwarts girls find him so attractive.

Seth is too sweet to resent Aaliyah. He's a big softie! Also he's a Ravenclaw so he knows that it isn't anyone's fault and that Aaliyah doesn't have to reciprocate the feelings. I sometimes wonder if I should make another character just for him... he deserves love.

How can you not love Slytherins? They're so devious and cunning. What's not to love? :P On another note, I'm really glad you liked their banter!

Thank you for taking the time to review! I love hearing from you! I hope you keep enjoying the story...

Until next time,
~Sama



 Report Review

Review #8, by Gabriella Hunter Aaliyah: The Meeting

17th July 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review for our swap! I'm sorry that I'm just now getting to it!

So, this seems like a really fascinating beginning to a story. I have never stumbled across this before but I'm glad that I decided to give this a chance. I'm really curious about the mix of characters that you've introduced, Aaliyah is one person that I'd really like to know more about. What are her issues? She seems to be hiding a lot from other people and I'm really eager to find out about what might be happening with her past. I liked the way you described her fear though, it was like a living thing that was actually taunting her.

Now, I have to say that you introduced James and her sister very well. I like reading about various relationships with the Potter kids that aren't very typical and I loved this easy going James here. He's great and I was a little surprised by this curious horror that you made out of Albus. I hardly ever see him being portrayed this way and if he isn't the most cunning little snake in the grass...

Aaliyah has some great commentary too, I was totally invested in her POV. I think that she's got some great wit and she's a tad frank too, especially when it came to Ronan, Albus and her own weariness with it all. I really love that about her so far, she's not wasting words on things that aren't going to help her at the moment.

I kind of wanted to smack Albus in that last scene though. What an annoying little snot! He's so cocky and sure of himself on one hand but he's manipulative and snide on the other. I shouldn't like it, but I do. He reminds me alot of the Teddy Lupin that I created for my story, "Transparent". They would get along really well and that's scary. Hahahaha.

I do wonder what Aaliyah has to hide though but I'm glad that she didn't give in to Albus's proposition. I have a feeling that she's not going to have a choice though, from what Albus implied. >.>

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie! There is a character in Crossing the Borderline that has the same name but spelled differently! Yay for connections.

Aaliyah has a lot of... baggage? I guess that's the right word. She has a lot of history which comes out slowly throughout the story.

I'm glad you liked the introduction of James and Gabby. They play crucial roles in the story especially later. I love writing easy going James. I always pictured him like that. And cunning Albus... in my head Albus got sorted into Slytherin so I had to make him devious.

Aaliyah is straight forward, isn't she? And I'm really happy to hear that you think she's witty! I tried to write her like that but wit isn't easy to write in my opinion.

Is it bad that I'm really happy that you want to smack Albus? That was kind of the goal. He's supposed to be a real jerk in the beginning. It's the Potter charm. That's why you like him even though you shouldn't. No one can resist the charm, not even me. I'm now really interested in "Transparent." I mean a cunning Teddy Lupin sounds so intriguing. How can you not like manipulate, cunning male characters?

I thought it would be a good twist to have her say no at first. And I can't see her giving in that early but she does... eventually.

Thank you for the wonderful, sweet review! I had a great time doing our swap!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #9, by wolfgirl17 Albus: The Family

15th July 2015:
Hey Sama,

Wolfgirl back again with your requested review form over at the forums. As always you have a fantastic fic on your hands.

Also, what a monster of a chapter! And I noticed that the next one is even bigger. I will say that you certainly have a gift because usually when I see such long chapters I begin to despair, but your writing is so immersive that it all passes quickly, with all the enjoyment and marvel I've come to expect from your fantastic writing.

I did find this little mistake, if you have time to do an edit of the chapter:

ďYup. Who knew getting through hungry teenagerss would be that hard?Ē she thinks aloud.

You've got that double s there as a tiny typo. I also found this one:

"She doesnít giving him any attention though. Instead, sheís smiling at James and heís smiling at her back."

and this one, where you accidentally wrote boyfriend instead of girlfriend:

ďAnywayÖ Aaliyah, Iím Lily which you already know since you used to come to our house like all the time, but now that you are my brotherís boyfriend, Iím your sister-in-law.Ē

I really liked the way you developed their relationship some more during this chapter, though I still have so many questions of where it's going to go and what they're all hiding. Why did Fred screw her over? Why did he cheat on her? Why do they need to pretend to be together?

As always, this chapter was wonderfully exciting and engaging. If you have time, make sure to do a thorough edit, as I noticed a few more typos throughout. Great story.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Yeah, chapter 6 and 7 are quite long! That tends to happen at times! Sorry about the length but it's great to hear that you didn't get bored with how long it is.

I actually just went back and edited everything you pointed out as well as change like like to fancy in Chapter 5. Thank you so much for pointing the mistakes out. I'm terrible at editing... it's the one thing I like to avoid when it comes to writing.

Ah, Fred... poor soul. Well, not really. I think that's revealed in Chapter 11 so it's a couple chapters away haha. The pretending is because they both feel like the owe Gabby and James. And because of something that Ronan has (that'll come later as well).

I'll probably go back and edit over it again because I know I still missed a bunch of things. I'm going to make myself sit down and do it in the next few days... I'll put a ban on writing the next chapter if I don't edit the old ones. :P That'll probably get me to do it.

Thank you for the lovely review as always! It's been very helpful! Not only the typos you found but your questions. They remind me of what I haven't revealed yet and what I need to explain more in depth.

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #10, by Penelope Inkwell Aaliyah: The Meeting

14th July 2015:
Hey!

So, I have read lots of this story already, just a few days ago (I didn't review, which is against my policy; it was late and I was exhausted & had a headache and you know how you convince yourself that you'll come back and review when you're coherent? Well, I am actually doing that now, so hopefully I'm not too terrible).

There is so much to love in this first chapter! First off, your MC's name. I just like it. :D

Then, of course, there's that beginning. You begin the story beautifully. The utter silence as she's walking down the hall, then the mounting whispers of the paintings. It sets the mood wonderfully. It makes you feel a little anxious, jittery, and deeply curious about what is going on. It was a fabulous way to make us feel like there were already high stakes, and it fits the theme of the chapter, which is clearly gossip (and trying to control it).

Then of course we have James and Gabby and Albus, but even as we meet them you're just revealing snippets. Why is Aaliyah so anxious? What's up with Gabby and James--they seem pretty happy and comfortable for recent exes? What are they trying to accomplish. And of course you answer some of those questions, leaving us with plenty more. You tug the plot along quite well that way.

Also, I really like that you made Charlotte Ronan a Hufflepuff. Defy House stereotypes! Whoo! I'm all for it. I mean, like you say, she's hardworking. That doesn't always mean that they'd choose the best things to work hard at.

Sooo, the juciest bit of all: Gabby and James have been faking a relationship to keep the spotlight off other high profile students, Aaliyah in particular. Why? Is she just shy, or is there something bigger here? (I mean, obviously since I've read ahead I know it's something bigger. I'm just saying, that is intriguing).

And does Albus have ulterior motives for all this?

You've set up your really well here. I can already tell we've got two strong personalities. Not that Aaliyah seems like a loud person or anything--the opposite, really--but it seems like they can both hold their ground. Bound to be an interesting pairing, right there :D



CC: So, as a rule, I always try to give CC (except in the HC collab, since the authors can't change anything or answer back). And I'm super, super nitpicky. But I only seriously nitpick stories that I really like. So there's a good amount here, but PLEASE don't think that it implies that I don't think your story is marvelous, because it is. It's so fabulous that I wanted to point out everything I questioned. I know I write without a beta, so I depend on readers pointing out my mistakes to me so that I can make my story as good as it can be.

"The stranger, in fact, isnít a stranger at all; he is none other than Albus Potter. I know who he is, but I barely know the real him. Nevertheless he is like a stranger to me (technically)".
--This bit seems a little convoluted to me, and sort of like a misuse of the word "technically. I'd suggest restructuring a bit. I always feel like I should give an example when I say that, so I'll throw one in, but of course, it's just one of many possibilities:

"Technically, of course, he isn't a stranger. The boy with the dark hair and brooding eyes is none other than Albus Potter. Of course I know his name--who doesn't? But I don't know the real him at all. He's as much a stranger to me as any unknown first year."

""Sure, 'cause scrubbing the Great Hall for a month and cleaning out Slughorn's troll wax jars isn't that bad,' he finishes off by drawing the last sentence longer than necessary."
--You say he draws 'the last sentence' longer than necessary, but he only said one sentence. Maybe the last word? And also it should be "drawing the sentence/word out" longer than necessary".

I think that is what we all were anticipating and craving for, except for the smug middle Potter, who is currently looking at us calmly, with a side of amusement?
--You would probably just say "craving", rather than "craving for". But that also confuses me. Why are they craving this interaction? It seems like they find the whole thing rather unpleasant. And why is there a question mark at the end.

"He pays his attention back to James and Gabby."
--Generally, you'd say "gives his attention back" rather than "pays". Though come to think of it, I don't know why that is, since "to pay attention" is a thing. English is so weird.

He's both nervous and anxious.
--Nervous and anxious mean pretty much the same thing, so you only need one of them. Unless you mean to say "He's both nervous and anxious to be done with all this," or something. That would give the word "anxious" a purpose.

That is why you donít mess with her, though you also canít forget that she is only a Hufflepuff (donít ask how she got there). Hardworking with weaknesses that you can dig up. If you push the right buttons, she will shatter. And she isnít the type to pick up her own pieces.
--This observation intrigues me. It implies that Aaliyah is a fighter. But its placement seems odd, because the way you describe her immediately before is as a nuclear force holding all the cards. It seems odd that, immediately after, Aaliyah would be like, "But she's totally got weaknesses to exploit," when the whole point of the previous sentences seems to be to define Ronan as unbeatable. I think it's a great statement, but it might make more sense to put it in another place in the story.


"Weighing my options, my lips turn down into a frown. It is rather yes or no. Yes or no? Yes or no? Maybe yes, but then maybe no."
--The "It is rather yes or no," sentence here doesn't really make sense.

I really like this story and I'm planning on coming back to review more chapters! Pretend relationships are my favorite fanfic trope!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi, Penny!

I do that too often late at night. Telling myself I'll review later is a weakness for me haha. I should probably quit that habit.

I'm glad you like Aaliyah's name. To be honest, I like it too or else I wouldn't have gave it to her.

I thought I would use the beginning to story of of set up the place she's in and where she's going. I've always thought the paintings at Hogwarts were interesting so I really wanted to include them as well. I'm glad that you thought it set up the mood nicely as well.

The first chapter does always bring questions haha. At end of writing it I had to ask myself how would I reveal everything and during which chapter. I think that's how I deal with the plot I'm trying to weave.

I thought making Charlotte Ronan a Hufflepuff would make the character more interesting. Also I dislike the stereotype that Puffs are either lame or wannabe Lions. So yes defy stereotypes! And you're absolutely right about the hardworking part.

There is something bigger haha. I wouldn't say Aaliyah's shy but that she doesn't like too much attention.

Albus... he always has ulterior motives. Never trust snakes I tell you.

I'm really happy to hear that you think Albus and Aaliyah are strong characters even though both of them aren't loud but calm and level-headed.

CC is always appreciated. I actually already read over this review a few days ago and edited a lot of the parts you pointed out. So thank you so much for this!! Editing is the bane of my existence so when someone points things out I'm more relieved that someone else noticed rather than me having to go back and find it.

"I think that is what we all were anticipating and craving for, except for the smug middle Potter, who is currently looking at us calmly, with a side of amusement?"
^^ For this one they aren't craving the interaction. The sentence before says "You know when you are expecting someone but are secretly hoping that they won't show up?"

Thank you for the sweet and helpful review! Pretend relationships are a bit cliche but so fun to write and read. Throwing two characters together and making them slowly fall for each other... it's evil but interesting.

Thanks again, Penny!

~Sama

P.S. I'm visiting Traitorous Hearts again soon. ;)


 Report Review

Review #11, by wolfgirl17 Aaliyah: The Slytherins

12th July 2015:
Hey Sama,

Wolfgirl here to check out your re-request for a review from me. You know I love this fic, so don't ever think I'd mind ;)

How do you always manage to so effectively hook me with this fic?? I't just so brilliant. I love the way you portray Aaliyah and Albus, and so far I'm liking these new characters you've introduced. I don't think it was too rushed or too much at once. It makes sense that eventually she would need to meet the rest of Al's dorm-mates.

I do have one little brit-pick to offer, which is the use of the word "fancy" in favour of "like like". As in "Aaliyah, I really fancy you."
Rather than: "Aaliyah, I like like you." It's not a huge thing and it's sometimes fun to include the like-like cliche, but it's better clarity to use fancy.

I love the way you've added some depth to both Al and Aaliyah in this chapter, and I seriously cannot wait to see where you take the rest of the fic. It's such a brilliant story.

I've been meaning to set aside some time to just sit and read the whole thing and really immerse myself in it. I'll get there eventually =)

Keep up the absolutely fantastic work!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Ellie! It's sad that I hadn't noticed before that I have a character in this story with the same name. :O

It should be illegal to be this kind. Really, you have smiling so widely!

In the beginning I was skeptical about writing Aaliyah and Al that way because it isn't the usual. Instead of a feisty, confident girl you have clever, level-headed Aaliyah and instead of an arrogant, charming guy you have calm and calculating Albus. I'm really glad you like them!

Introducing new characters is always fun but it can go either way. It's great to hear it didn't seem to rushed.

I actually like the word fancy much more. Thank you so much for picking that out! I'm going to edit that in once the next chapter is out. I tend to edit older chapters at the same time as when I put a new chapter out to avoid readers thinking there was an update when there wasn't.

Thank you for the helpful review! I'm trying to get better a Britishisms but it's a slow development and your brit-pick really helped! And thank you for all the love and kindness!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #12, by Dirigible_Plums Albus: The Wing

10th July 2015:
Hey,

Wow. It's been ages since I've reviewed. I tend to be one of those silent readers that fangirls to myself in secret, but I thought I'd come out of hiding for once.

I don't know what to say except that I really like this. I love Al because he's exactly the type of Al that I imagine him to be. I've seen some people place him in Slytherin, but have him act very much like a Gryffindor, but you don't do that. And I love you for that.

And yay, their relationship is progressing. I really like how it seems natural. It's not like a switch has been flicked and suddenly they're in love now. It's just...normal.

Great work!

Dirigible_Plums xo

(Oh and before I forget: WHAT IS THIS TAPE YOU SPEAK OF.)

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you came out of hiding! I'm pretty sure I remember you leaving reviews on this story before so thank you for those and thank you for taking the time again to leave another!

Slytherin Albus is just so much more fun to write than Gryffindor Albus, you know? I feel like JK Rowling wrote so many of her main characters Gryffindor and we're so use to that house that it's time to branch out and experiment with the other three houses.

They're relationship is progressing, slowly by steadily. I think the only way they can be in love with each other instantly is if you gave them both love potions haha. Who knows... maybe I should do that.

The tape. It's coming next chapter, don't worry! It's something that happened in the past and Aaliyah doesn't know about it but she really wants to. She's going to get it out of Al next chapter.

Thank you for the kind review!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #13, by happyanon Albus: The Wing

9th July 2015:
Oh my lord!!! I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw the update! First of all, i LOVE this longer than usual chapter. Thank you for that!! And adore this chapter mainly because who would have thought Rosie and Albus will have this heart to heart in the hospital wing. I totally get Rosie now. We are kind of the same in that way. I have numerous cousins and I'm one of the oldest, I've always felt like they're my children so when they started getting into relationships I ended up being the icy cousin who hates their girlfriends/boyfriends. But we also had a similar talk i mean wow this actually hits home in a sort of diff way. But atleast now I understand Rosie. I love how Lily is just so sassy but she was actually worried about albus in that "I'm a sassy chic" way. And yes Gabby and James!! What is going there fellas!! Hahaha Annie and Scorpius are cute. Maybe they can be sibling friends. Blaine come on man!!! TALK TO HER!! i love the couch scene. With albus and aaliyah and albus POV. I missed it too! Haha You know I sort of get the title now. Crossing the Borderline. Right now Albus said their in some sort of borderline. Just. Omg all my feels.. CROSSING THE BORDERLINE. WILL THEY THO? WHEN? HOW? so exciting!! AND! OMG YES!! When Aaliyah was like " I want to know about the tape" I was like vocally "YEAH ME TOO ALBUS SEVERUS". I mean i really want to know so fingers crossed that albus does not dilly dally and actually tell her.so excited for the hopefully revelations next chapter!! I still haven't forgotten the wink. Why did Ronan wink at albus.. and that time she was staring at them in the great hall before the match. I was actually expecting her to visit him at the hospital. I don't know i just have a feeling about her. Like she knows something. Im not entirely sure what she knows. Whether she's in cahoots with albus and this was her plan? Or with fred? She definitely interests me as much if not more than the tape. And also of Aaliyah being the "King" because for some reason and it might seem shallow my head keeps saying that when you play chess, everyone protects the King. Especially the Queen. Who James coincidentally said is Albus. So yes, this entire thing is interesting. It's almost like watching a melo-drama with hints of mystery in them. I love it! And omg was that me who got a shoutout! That's so sweet! Hahaha thank you! But your write this wonderful story who's been giving me comfort for awhile now so there's no need. Much love dear and I hope and look forward to the next update!! Xoxo

Author's Response: Your reviews always make me smile and laugh! At parts I was grinning like mad, no joke.

Is it longer than usual? I actually hadn't noticed. Word count just tends to differ each chapter. I am always nervous that readers will get bored if I give a chapter that too long haha. So thanks for reassuring me!

Yes, Rose and Albus had a heart to heart! Rose isn't one of favorite characters in this story but I couldn't just make her hate Aaliyah for no reason, you know? So I thought this chapter would be a good place to have her explain herself. It's so cool that you relate to her. That's one of my goals as an author: write relatable characters. I totally understand the cousin thing. Becoming protective of family is just an instinct. Rose has had that instinct ever since Hugo was born I think.

In my head, Lily Potter is supposed to be sassy, hence I made her sassy. But she cares a lot about her brothers. I'm glad you liked her!

What is going on between Gabby and James? I have utterly no clue. ;)

Annie and Scorpius could be sibling friends. And then Scorpius can keep excessively dropping hints about Blaine haha. Aww Blaine, so shy for a Slytherin. He'll talk to her... one day.

The title is sort of a mystery itself. In my original summary of the story I tried to explain it but it didn't work out so well. I unintentionally made sense of it this chapter and a reader noticed it... yay! Hmm... I don't know about crossing the borderline... I mean if you cross it you can never go back... dangerous place really. I'm kidding, they will eventually cross it. *fingers crossed*

It's coming out all next chapter! The story behind the tape will be out for you guys to read. It's weird knowing that I'm going to reveal it, but I'm excited!

The wink. That'll come out in a few chapters (Chapter 18 to be exact). And that's all I'm going to say because I'm an evil author. Okay I give in... one more hint: it doesn't have anything to do with Fred.

Everyone does protect the king in chess. I actually can't play the game for the life of me but I thought it would be a good comparison.

You were one of the ones who got a shoutout! Thank you for all your lovely reviews! They give me a lot of motivation and put a smile on my face.

I hope the story lives up to expectations and the next chapter should be up next week. Thanks again!!

~Sama



 Report Review

Review #14, by Pullynnhah Albus: The Wing

9th July 2015:
I`m terrible at reviews so I`ll be quick .love your story!!! Can`t wait for more:)

Author's Response: It's alright! I'm terrible at responses as well. ;) I'm glad you're liking it so far! I love hearing from readers so thank you for taking the time to drop me this review. The next chapter shouldn't take too long.

Thank you for your kind words,
~Sama


 Report Review

Review #15, by asdfghjkl Albus: The Wing

9th July 2015:
Everytime I see a new update for this story I get giddy! I love reading from albus' pov. His character is so complex (I mean they all are but its kinda neat to get a look inside his head once in a while). I love that we got to see more lily in this chapter! And I like the progression into her asking about the tape. It's good I think that she didn't do it right away after james told her to ask albus. And I mean obviously he was injured not long after so there were other things to worry about, but she seems so set in knowing about it that it shows how much she really cares for albus that she didn't push it on him right away! Update soon!

Author's Response: Yay, someone likes reading Albus's pov. It always feels like more people prefer Aaliyah but I like switching between the two. I get what you mean about him being complex. He's different from the rest. I think that's what makes it neat to look inside his head. Haha yes, Lily! I've been wanting to bring her back for some time. I'm glad you liked seeing her!

I love it when readers notice details and you noticed one that even I overlooked. Aaliyah had to put her curiosity on hold but it will pay off. We'll be finding out next chapter. And she does care about him even if she won't tell him that directly.

I'm going to try and get the next chapter up in a week so it shouldn't be too long. Thank you for taking the time to write such a sweet review!!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #16, by Anon Aaliyah: The Match

4th July 2015:
I'm so glad you've stuck with this story! This chapter was amazing, I love quidditch scenes in particular and you described yours so well. I really want to know what's the deal with Rose, and also with James and Gabby. Aaliyah and ALbus kill me, but what's new? Hope you update soon!

Author's Response: I was really nervous about writing a Quidditch scene and it seemed like it lasted forever haha. I'm glad you liked it! We'll learn more about Rose in the next chapter which will hopefully be up in the next few days. Albus and Aaliyah are always fun to write. Thank you for the review! I loved hearing your thoughts!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #17, by happyanon Aaliyah: The Match

3rd July 2015:
DELAY. WOMAN.. i feared of abandoned!! I missed them so much and its such a beautiful story. And god I love aaliyah and albus so much and i missed them so much im in a rough patch right now but im really happy that some of my fave fics have been updating lately. Pls never leave us hanging for such a long time again. I really miss it. To more scenes like these. To more gentle scenes like the smile and more lines like "i want to touch that rare smile"

Author's Response: I hope I won't ever have to abandon this story, don't worry! I missed writing Al and Aaliyah too! School got in the way as usual and I'm a really slow writer, forgive me? I totally understand what you mean about favorite fics updating. That's always exciting when that happens. I'll try my best to update timely. Chapter 14 should be coming in less than a week. Thank you for the sweet review! It gives me more motivation to write and brought a smile to my face!

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #18, by greenbirds Albus: The Decision

17th April 2015:
i'm really liking it so far! you have such a way with characters- i'm always so impressed when people can change the tone of thought for each person when switching narrative, and you really pull it off. aaliyah sounds cool and i like how you've portrayed her in a way that she isn't the typical lily potter prototype of being feisty and brave and loud and stuff (you know?)- she's her own person, i really like that. and i love the difference in albus's attitude he gives to aaliyah, all cool and nonchalant, compared to how he really is haha- and i'm really liking scorpius too!
looking foward to reading the rest xx

Author's Response: aw thank you! that's always great to hear! i think the only reason the tones are different is because albus and aaliyah are so different. and albus has that 'i'm-too-cool-for-school' vibe, you know? i think the reason aaliyah isn't a lily potter prototype is because i would crash and burn if i tried to write someone fiesty and so brave. it would seem so unrealistic because i'm not like that myself so i have hard time writing a character like that. and scorpius is a babe. i sometimes wonder if it's obvious that a girl is writing him since he has that inner gossip girl vibe.

thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts. it's always great to hear from readers. and you gave me an excuse to write in all lowercase which is always fun!

-sama


 Report Review

Review #19, by wolfgirl17 Albus: The Confrontations

3rd March 2015:
Hey,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review.

So now I feel totally bad because I'd already read this one too and must've just forgotten to review. Like a airhead. *attempts to deflate it and gets distracted by something shiny*

Anyways, I love this story. I'm more curious with each new sentence you give us and I simply must have more.

I actually don't mind the choppiness of this chapter. It really keeps it moving along and you have a knack for not getting bogged down in a scene, while still conveying it and it's purpose in the story very clearly. A very nifty skill that I wish I had *attempts to steal your skills and gets distracted by another shiny object*

No but really, you're writing is enthralling. There is just something about it that has me wanting to push that next button again and again until there are no more chapters, and then I want to shamelessly beg for more. You've got this knack for weaving a web of intrigue that I wish I had and that I'm super jealous of. I can't do what you can. I always end up giving away the idea or sticking the characters together before I need them to be together for the continuation of plot (hence having so many incomplete WIPs).

You have a serious gift. Keep it up. I have to have more =)

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Ellie! Shiny objects are always distracting! I totally feel you.

You are honestly too sweet! Like your compliments are actually making me have the false hope that I can actually *gasp* write a good story.

It's really hard to not give away everything. Like I have to rethink if I want to reveal something at a certain point or not. And then I still doubt myself if I was supposed to give that information away. I think the best part is that I've gotten to the point of the story where more things are coming out so no more holding back.

And there is nothing to be jealous of. You have the amazing skill to write as much as you do. You have so many stories published in such a short amount of time... it's amazing! You should be proud of yourself!

Thanks so much for the warm-hearted review!
~Sama


 Report Review

Review #20, by happyanon Aaliyah: The Aftermath

11th February 2015:
I really don't quite understand Aaliyah's explanation on why she ignored albus. Also what tape!? I'M SO CONFUSED. Did I miss something. Alos correct me if I'm wrong, gabby and james faked a relationship to protect everyone from ronan. Okay. Next they broke up and i dont really get it either but i think albus was it? Someone said they might havr feelings for each otHer. So now albus is fake dating aaliyah to protect the pthers too? I'M also puzzled when they said aaliyah was king. Al's queen? The queen protects the king tho. So thats exciting. I wish all revelations are clear already i really like this fanfic. I love how you made Albus' character. Also your description about " The hero doesn't know he's a hero yet". Is it Albus? This is a lovely story but i hope you update more. Much love xoxo P.S we all know they are so gonna have feelings for each other but i love it hahaha p.p.s That hug scene and lost puppy convo was the cutest ever. *sigh i need to find a guy like this character haha

Author's Response: I'm sorry for not explaining it well. Basically, she's embarrassed that Albus saw her vulnerable. She's disappointed with herself that one little meeting with Fred affected her so much. And Albus is Fred's cousin so it kind of puts her in an awkward position. Albus and Aaliyah may be becoming friends but they aren't super close like how James and her are or Seth and her. Avoiding him is kind of her way of coping. She needs to accept that she broke down in front of him first before she can look him straight in the eye and not feel weird about it. So yeah... I hope that helps. I'll try and go back and edit that chapter to make it less confusing. :)

No, you didn't miss anything. You aren't supposed to know about the tape just yet. That scene was kind of setting up for another scene in chapter fourteen. :)

Yeah, Gabby and James faked a relationship for about almost a year which is a long time and Gabby finally wanted out. They did it to distract Ronan from their friends and family's social lives. And yes, Albus and Aaliyah are faking a relationship to do the exact same thing they did because they figure they should step up to the plate and also because they feel like they owe Gabby and James.

Yes, the king and queen thing was sort of a riddle. Now that I think about it most of this chapter was a riddle. I'm sorry about that. A lot of your questions are going to be answered in future chapters though. :)

Is the hero Albus? I don't know, we shall see. ;) Okay I give in. Yes, the hero is Albus. I always get really excited when someone says they like Albus! Maybe because he's a hard character to grow fond of but he's actually really sweet (well sometimes). I'm really glad you like the hug scene! For some reason I like writing Aaliyah and Albus falling asleep next to each other or hugging or something like that.

I'll try my best to update though I have a feeling I won't be able to get another chapter out before March but we'll see.

My response is like a whole essay but oh well. Thank you so much for leaving your thoughts. I always love reading your reviews!! They definitely give me insight on what things I need to fix when I edit previous chapters.

~Sama

p.s. I know right, I wish I could find a real life Albus too! I think I tend to have crushes on fictional characters more often than real people lol. :P Probably a side effect of reading so much. :D


 Report Review

Review #21, by Aakanksha Aaliyah: The Aftermath

27th January 2015:
I really like the way this is going.I just love the way Albus is opening up to Aaliyah. There is so much more in him that he actually shows, especially after the kind, caring person you made him in the last chapter, I might just fall in love.
Aaliyah has been in my mind since the day I started reading this, she is someone who I would like to have as a friend. Any chances that you are like her too?
Anyways I really like this story, its one of my favourites right now.

Author's Response: There is more to Albus. I'm so glad that you can see that! Yes, I've gotten a reader to fall in love with him! I think I just accomplished my goal as an author lol. To be honest... I kind of love Albus too... even more than Scorpius sometimes which is saying something since I adore Scorpius. :P

Aaliyah has the most of me in her, I think. She's a Ravenclaw, she cares about her classes, she tries her best to keep calm in situations and she can be sassy at times... so yeah I am like her in a lot of ways. I think a lot of authors tend to have their main characters like them.

This review is so sweet, I can definitely hug it! Thank you for the thoughtful review. I now have a huge smile on my face. :D

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #22, by asdfghjkl Aaliyah: The Aftermath

26th January 2015:
I have to admit, after the breakdown scene I really didn't know what was gonna happen. But Im pleasantly surprised by this chapter! I really like the way you ended it, with Albus confronting her and everything. I can't wait for the next chapter! I love Quidditch scenes! They're always so much fun to read! Upload the next chapter soon, I'm really looking forward to it :)

Author's Response: It's hard to predict what's going to happen when there is a turning point, I think. I find myself not knowing what to expect in other stories as well haha. I'm glad you liked the way I ended it. I really wanted the scene to come out perfect but I then realized that Albus and Aaliyah aren't perfect so no matter what the scene can't come out flawless. It wouldn't do them justice, I think.

Yes, Quidditch! I am actually very nervous since I usually don't write Quidditch scenes... at all. This will actually be a first. But I'm excited.

Thank you for the wonderful review, as always. :D

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #23, by DessieWeasley Albus: The Breakdown

25th January 2015:
This story is really good. Update soon

Author's Response: Aw thank you! I think your review is really good, not the story. Your few words made me smile. Thank you and the next chapter is posted. :D

~Sama


 Report Review

Review #24, by asdfghjkl Albus: The Breakdown

15th January 2015:
Wow. This story just keeps getting more and more intense. I didn't really know what to expect with this chapter after I finished the last one, but I really like it. Everything seems to sort of fall together in a sad sort of way. I can't wait for the next chapter, hopefully you are able to update soon! After this scene, obviously something is bound to change between them (and by the looks of it, it'll be something pretty big). I'm excited to see where Al and Aaliyah go from here!

Author's Response: Hiya!
I sometimes feel very intimidated by reviews because they are so sweet and I can never come up with a good enough response to them.

I love how you think that everything fell together even when she's falling apart. Because it is falling together... sort of. Not in the most easy way but it is.

Yes, their relationship will change. They make take some tumbles and falls along the way but it will. I, myself, am excited to see where they go lol.

Thank you for the lovely review! And thanks for sticking with this story! It means the world to me.

~Sama
P.S. The next chapter is already up. I hope it didn't take too long.


 Report Review

Review #25, by Ilsuarez Albus: The Breakdown

12th January 2015:
That was beautiful ❤️ This is turning out so well! I'm so excited to see where you go from here. Hope fully we'll see Al have his more vulnerable moment with here but OMG I Hopenshe acknowledges what he's done for her here IVODOCJAOXJ FEEELIINNGGSSS!

I kind of feel sorry for Fred :( but this was my favourite chapter so far! PLS update soon!!

Author's Response: Aw, this is your favorite chapter? It's actually one of my favorites to write too. :D

Albus? Vulnerable? I don't think he likes to associate himself with that word. :P But yes, I'm planning for him to have a moment so your prediction is correct. ^_^ Albus Potter's walls are coming down... well at some point. :)

Yay! Someone feels sorry for Fred! Most people don't like him too much which I understand but he's Fred, George Weasley's son. He had to be likable at some point, right?

ASDFGHYREOIL is my feelings for this review! thank you so much for your kind words!! and the next chapter is posted. ;)

~Sama


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>