Reading Reviews for Crossing the Borderline
  
69 Reviews Found

Review #1, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Slytherins

20th August 2014:
Well, this is my favorite chapter yet. Albus and Aaliyah's banter is getting progressively more comfortable, they address their awkwardness, Scorpius is still perfect, and Albus shares some personal information!! The story is really moving along now. Your characters are really organically growing and changing. Nothing feels forced or out of character, so good job on that.

Albus' dormmates are hilarious!! They're like the stereotypical group of gossipy girls, but gender switched. I like that it's not only the girls who find a nice bit of relationship details interesting. You did a great job of separating their personalities though, so that they don't seem like one big monotonous group.

Seth admitting his feelings complicates things. I thought I was shipping Aaliyah and Albus, but now it looks like he may truly be the guy for her. I mean, they're actually friends and he's thoughtful and open with her and basically everything Albus is not. Al is going to have to step up his game if he hopes to compete with all of that. I'm impressed with the way you slowly build up the drama. Looks like that kiss on the head is bound to create some more!

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Review #2, by crestwood Albus: The Confrontations

19th August 2014:
The Ronan Daily is mean and everything, but it also raises some good points. Albus and Aaliyah don't seem like a very good couple yet. They aren't yet "golden couple" material in my opinion. Hopefully they do reach that point eventually though.

Albus' inability to create a substantial list of reasons he's dating Aaliyah is troublesome. Even if he sits down and thinks about it, he's unable to make their relationship convincing. The scene with Scorpius gives the chapter some great comedic relief. I'm starting to feel like Aaliyah and Albus' banter is getting more natural as it appears in that scene even.

Gabby is nice to come to her sister's defense. I'm interested about if Albus was lying when he claimed to really like her. I don't like Fred. He speaks about Aaliyah as if he owns her and Albus can just exchange her for something else and give him the deed. Overall, the characters are solid though and the plot is only getting more and more interesting!

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Review #3, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Reaction

19th August 2014:
Naomi and Gemma are probably not people I'd want to be around very often. Their fight is pretty funny though and well, teenagers fight over that kind of stuff all the time.

I really like the group dynamic in the Great Hall as well. The banter is great and everyone feels so comfortable with each other; that is until Albus comes along, of course. I don't think he thought that one through haha. I could feel the awkward tension of the moment.

While, I don't quite understand the reaction of Annie and Ellie personally, I've actually been in a similar situation and their anger is very much realistic. I'm glad they didn't stay mad at Aaliyah, although that could change very quickly if they find out that the relationship isn't authentic at all.

I really like Albus personally. He made things a little uncomfortable but he seems like a lot of fun to me and I look forward to finding out more and more about him. By the way, the flow of these chapters is perfectly fine. There's no big instances where I'm pulled out of the story. I think you're doing a good job so far.

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Review #4, by crestwood Albus: The Decision

19th August 2014:
I am really glad you decided to switch between POVs in this story because now I get to see the inside of Albus' mind, which, I must say, is very different than I expected. While Aaliyah seemed to think of him as impenetrable, he seems to have an equally difficult time reading her. That makes everything so much more interesting if you ask me. Now that Aaliyah has agreed to the proposition, they're going to have to spend a lot of time together and their mutual fascination will be very fun to read.

I love Scorpius in this story. I hope we get to see the fallout from his revelation about Rose as a subplot in future chapters. The way he woke up Albus and told him was really sweet.

Albus' acting when he knew Ronan was coming was pretty great, especially since Aaliyah didn't even know what was happening at the time. I'm anxiously anticipating what the fallout from that is going to look like. Finally seeing Ronan in action will be awesome. Great chapter!

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Review #5, by crestwood Aaliyah: The Meeting

19th August 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here with your requested review. I'm so so sorry it's taken me this long to get around to this! I'll probably check out some of your other work to make up for taking over a week.

First of all, I LOVE the summary. I wish I could write something that hooks people like that.
And, you've really got me on edge right from the beginning here. The way you described 'the fear that lives inside of me' was great. Especially that slow, hollow laugh. Pretty gripping imagery there.

The gossiping paintings were a nice touch as well - people don't utilize paintings as much as they should on this site.

As an aside, I love the name Aaliyah.

Albus stole the limelight in this chapter even before he had any lines at all. I really like his un-forthcoming nature. I love characters like him that aren't going to make anything simple and clear cut. I can only assume we're going to learn more and more about him as a person as the story goes on. I'm quite sure he'll eventually be right about Aaliyah changing her mind, but the fun is in seeing how it all happens!

Charlotte is kind of terrifying. I can tell by how serious everyone takes her that she has a lot of power in Hogwarts. I can't wait to see her rumour starting prowess in action later in the story.

James and Gabby faked being a couple for so long that it leads me to believe that there's something unsaid going on. Maybe someone they know has something to hide.

I'm hoping that Albus and Aaliyah eventually do find some way to have feelings for each other because I'd love to see how someone like Albus would act like in a relationship. I'm still not even entirely sure where you're going with this honestly, but you've definitely got my attention. I can't wait to see what happens next!

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Review #6, by AlexFan Albus: The Confrontations

18th August 2014:
I KNEW IT I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD CATCH ONTO THEIR AWKWARDNESS, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?! But now that it's written in the school newspaper it's going to attract even more attention to Aaliyah and Albus. They're going to have to step up their game.

OOOoOOooOO DRAMA! There is tension everywhere and obviously there were going to be people that would be unhappy about the whole thing but I'm especially interested in what's going on with Rose here (maybe you mentioned this in the chapters before in which case I'm going to go back and read them again just to make sure I'm caught up). Am I detecting a little bit of jealous in Rose, is this what I'm seeing? Or is Rose mad about what went on between Aaliyah and Fred and that's why she hates her (because it kind of sounds like she's grasping at straws when she accused Aaliyah of cheating on her OWLs).

I loved the interaction between Aaliyah, Albus, and Scorpius during that little list bit because they seemed at ease for the first time in a while. I could've believed that Al and Aa were dating in that moment.

As much as I pity Fred, it's annoying me how he's treating Aaliyah like a piece of meat (and Albus as well). Like, if she wanted to be with Fred, she could've done that before she started going out with Albus. Clearly Aaliyah doesn't want to be with him so I highly doubt that even if she wasn't dating Albus she'd take Fred back. LET THE GIRL DECIDE GUYS!

I'm going to go back and refresh my memory of the first two chapters so that I can be fully prepared for this story.

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Review #7, by AlexFan Aaliyah: The Reaction

11th August 2014:
Sorry for taking so long to get to this but I was busy, BUT ANYWAY!

It's been a really long time since I read this story and I had to check which chapters I had left reviews for and this was one that I hadn't so here I am.

I like the characterization of Aaliyah and Albus, because you can tell that they're two different people who don't know each other at all. They don't know how the other person thinks or their mannerisms or what they like and dislike so obviously faking a relationship is going to be hard. I think maybe if they took some time to just sit down and talk to each other so that they could have some idea of what they have in common, or stuff that they both hate and I think they would have an easier time of convincing everyone that they're dating. I don't know how no one else caught onto the awkwardness between the two of them honestly.

I think the plot is moving along at a good pace, you've introduced some more characters into the story but you've also kept it focussed on the main idea and moving that along. I was worried that the actual start of the fake relationship was going to be in the next chapter but I was really happy to find out that it happened in this one. I'm pretty excited to see what happens in the next few chapters.

In terms of flow, I felt like the chapter was a little bit choppy. I think the biggest thing that interrupted the flow was the interruptions that Aaliyah made about each character. Like when Seth showed up for example and she describes his appearance, that kind of pulled me out of the story a little bit because it didn't seem to fit into the scene very well. I think if you showed your reader the characters appearance through mannerisms (for example, running your hand through blond hair, or green eyes twinkling etc.) instead of just outright telling them what the person looks like then it would make everything blend together a lot better.

But other than that, great third chapter!

Author's Response: No, you didn't take long at all!

They are two different people and if they did actually take the time to get to know each other it would be much easier but they didn't. I think they were just a bit too stubborn to try to get to know each other beforehand. :P

I think the only reason no has caught their awkwardness is because they are still in shock. I mean Aaliyah and Albus was kinda sorta really unexpected. They'll work on their awkwardness though.

I actually liked my plot pacing in the beginning but then looking back I feel like it's been slow so I kind of started to freak haha. I'm quite relieved that you find that it's at a good pace and isn't going slug slow (which is pretty slow). And the reason I probably made it start in this chapter is because I got impatient, lol.

Thank you for pointing out the flow issue. I get what you mean and I'm going to try and look into it as soon as I have time.

Thanks for the review. I love the points you made and thank you for pointing out the choppy thing. I haven't read or even looked back at this chapter in a longgg time and I guess it's time to address some issues I hadn't then.

Thanks again!! I had a fantastic time reading this.

~Sama


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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 Aaliyah: The Reaction

10th August 2014:
Hi! It's been far too long! I'm glad to be back, reviewing your story again, especially since it has eight chapters now! Wow! :D

Okay, so the tension can only escalate from here. Albus is an awful person (more about that later), and Aaliyah's friends don't really like her choice in a boyfriend. But why do they get so angry about it? Hmmm...

Wow, so the first section about a sleepless night is one I can totally relate to right now, having just woken up from a sleepless night myself. :P I particularly liked this quote: "It feels right. And sometimes you need something to feel right to balance out all the things that go wrong." It was really interesting and actually much more mature than the Aaliyah that presented herself in the rest of the chapter. (I guess sleepless nights have a way of making people less mature.) :P

A question about the Albus/Aaliyah thing: Could they have planned out their interactions a little bit better? Maybe they might've held off on the declaration of their "lurve" for a week, and in the meantime they could've dropped hints about how cute they think each other are, and et cetera? Just a thought. I think it's really awful of Albus to just jump right in and do whatever when he knew that Aaliyah wasn't prepared for it.

But before I get into my rant about Albus: The roommates. Gemma and Naomi seem like the types of girls that I would never want to associate with. They got into a major fight just because of a boy!! I don't know, I think that they, being Ravenclaws, would've found ways to sabotage each other instead of catfighting. But maybe they didn't think of that before they let their emotions run wild. Ugh, they're insane. I don't like them at all! They should probably just forget about Luke and find other people to date, to be honest. :P

Hmmm, Seth. For all of Aaliyah's protests, I think that Seth might have a bit of a flame for her. But he's just too shy to say anything and now she's got a "boyfriend," uh oh! What's going to happen there? I was particularly intrigued by the shifting nature of Seth's physical features. Would it be safe to assume that he's at least a little bit of a metamorphmagus? :P

Okay, Albus rant now: I HATE ALBUS POTTER IN THIS CHAPTER. The whole sitting-down-in-the-midst-of-the-Ravenclaws thing was bad enough, but then he kept doing things that Aaliyah wasn't okay with. Gr. Why did he have to keep his plans a secret from her? Couldn't they have planned things out so that the events at breakfast were less... tense? And what were her friends doing while she and Albus had their little whisper-fight? Ugh, I just wish that he would be more considerate. And the "marking his property" thing made me REALLY MAD. NOBODY should be allowed to do that. But people in real life probably do, which is sad. So I'm glad that you've shown Albus in a less-than-pleasant light, because maybe he'll get a chance to redeem himself later. As long as he apologizes for being so chauvinistic first. :)

Arrggh, sorry for turning this review into a rant-fest. I just want to express how angry I am with Albus right now. I think it's important for you to know that you've managed to make me dislike Albus so much already, and I'm glad that he's not-so-nice (for now). It will give him more room for character growth. :D

The confrontation with her friends was honestly the only part that I felt was rushed. You spent a bit of time building up to it, and then they just instantly forgave Aaliyah. What I don't understand is why they were so worked up about it in the first place. Do they have something against Albus? Or are they just so close to Aaliyah that they feel left out of her life because she kept her "relationship" a secret? I can't really tell, but I would have liked to see a bit more tension after Annie said, "Guys, calm down. Let's just talk it out." Maybe a more gradual lightening of the mood? But anyway, Aaliyah has some pretty loyal and caring friends if they get worked up about her secret relationships. :)

A few grammar things:

"Either my decision making skills have gone straight down the toilet or… I don't actually know the other option, but.. yeah."~I think that this sentence might be better without the "I don't actually know..." part. It seemed a bit out of place in the narrative. Perhaps just shorten it to "My decision-making skills have gone straight down the toilet." Just a suggestion, though!

""I DIDN'T STEAL HIM AWAY. HE LOVES ME!" I snort."~This makes it sound like Aaliyah is the one who said this particular bit of dialogue. Perhaps make "I snort" and the words that follow into a different paragraph?

"She is what you call the 'cute and sassy chic.'"~Is "chic" supposed to be "chick?" I wasn't quite sure.

"Not only is she smart but wise in a way."~I see what you mean in this sentence, but I think it could have been a little bit more clear. Perhaps reword it and give a qualifier? What makes her "wise" as opposed to just "smart?" Is she intelligent as well as good at reading people? Does she give good advice? That's what I would like to know. :)

Sorry for the length of this review. It's a bit unwieldy. :P

But anyways, here's what I like about this story/chapter: Aaliyah is realistic. She's just stuck in a situation that she can't really control right now, and I'm rooting for her in hopes that she'll take control. You've managed to make me hate some characters with just a few scenes. In my opinion, that is MUCH better than just feeling so-so about them. Maybe I'll be surprised in the next chapter! And of course, the writing style is great. I really enjoy reading these chapters! So keep doing what you're doing, and I'll see you next time you request a review! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I hate sleepless nights but then... I can wake up earlier if I get less sleep, idk why. I totally forgot about that quote. It's been some time since I went back over Chapter 3. I'm glad you like it though. Maybe it was the sleepless night(s) that makes her less mature? That or maybe it was because of a certain Potter's presence? Who knows? :P

They definitely could have planned it better, but... they didn't. The thing is not everyone gets everything right so that's the part they didn't get right. They didn't time it right. But as they grow, they'll learn. I guess I wanted to add in some aspects about being a teenager.

I wouldn't want to associate myself with Gemma and Naomi either but there are those girls in school that even if you don't know them too well, you want to stay away from them. Or maybe that's just me. They aren't going to make many appearances in the rest of the story but they do forget about Luke.

Seth... I don't really want to reveal too much. :P But let's just say he's coming up in the next few chapters. He is a metamorphmagus... when it comes to emotions. He isn't as controlled as Al.

I had a lot of fun reading your Albus rant. You HATE him? Well, he really isn't that likable, is he? But he does grow... a lot. He's the character who changes the most (positively) in the story. And maybe your hate for him will turn into love? :D

I do see why you would feel that part was rushed. When I have the time, I'll try and look back at it and maybe make it feel more well paced. And her friends care a lot about her so they weren't really angry at her... more hurt. Ellie just shows hurt as anger.

Thanks for catching those mistakes. I will definitely go back and fix them when the que opens again.

You are probably one of the only readers that outright hates someone with a passion at the moment and I love that. Feeling strong emotion toward a character is always better than nothing at all, as you said.

And now I have a new goal... I'm going to make you LOVE Al. Granted, it's going to take time but I totally going to make you like him. I'll show you how much of a SOFTIE he is. :P

Overall, I LOVE reading your reviews. I need to re-request more often. You give great and honest feedback that I love and thank you for that.

100/10 on this review! :D

~Sama


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Review #9, by Dirigible_PLums Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

8th August 2014:
OH MY GOD. IN MY LAST REVIEW, I MEANT TO SAY IT'S SO WEIRD HOW HE REFERS TO HIMSELF AS AALIYAH'S "BOYFRIEND" NOT HIS OWN BOYFRIEND. IF HE THOUGHT OF HIMSELF AS HIS BOYFRIEND, I WOULD BE EXTREMELY CONCERNED. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW EMBARRASSED I AM AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME UGH WHY

Author's Response: Lol, no need to be embarrassed. I actually read that part of your review and freaked a little because I thought I made a spelling mistake. I went back and re-read it and was just like 'phew'. But thanks for coming back to tell me! And I would be concerned as well if Al thought of himself as his own boyfriend. He might be cunning but he isn't totally crazy, lol. :P

~Sama


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Review #10, by Dirigible_Plums Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

7th August 2014:
This fic will be the death of me. It's really really good...yet it updates once in a blue moon. Like Voldemort, I have died and been resurrected in the time it has taken you to update. Your saving grace is that the chapter is of a great quality.

I really like reading in Al's point of view. I just like Al in general. There has only been one fanfic that I have read where he is a central character and I have not liked him. This is not that one. I honestly like the way you've made him so Slytherin and to be honest, he reminds me of the Al I created for a fic that I will never upload because it is horrible. Only this Albus is better than my Al.

Aaliyah's past intrigues me. Her relationship with Fred, her past relationships in general, her dislike of Rose Weasley... So many questions with answers that I hope are coming soon.

Your characters in general are built really well. All with their flaws and baggage and little quirks. If they came to life, I would treat them like real people. They can't be shoved into a little pigeon hole generalising them if that makes sense.

I would like to see a little more interaction with Aaliyah's friends. Albus seems like just the type to irritate them and love it purely because they'll feel uncomfortable :P

THE LAST PART THOUGH. The way he reacted to asking Aaliyah out to Hogsmeade. You know, the slight panicking- the grinning- the questioning himself. It's just, ugh, it's perfect. I love it and look forward to more in the future.

Dirigible_Plums xoxo

P.S: I find it so weird when he refers to himself as his "boyfriend". It's just so...weird.

Author's Response: You're making me feel guilty right now... I know I'm very bad at updating... I promise I'll try to get better though.

Yay, someone likes Al!! Honestly, I can hug you right now! Slytherin Al is my favorite so that's why I write him in that house. He's not the most likable character though, lol. I'm sure your Al was great. You should upload the story... it's probably wonderful. I would definitely read it.

Some of the answers to her relationship with Fred is coming soon... in Chapter 10 and 11, I think? Rose is coming a bit later... but she will play a major role.

My characters do kind of have a lot of baggage but I think that's why I like writing them. You think they are well built? Aww, thanks!

Albus would do that, haha. I think you understood his character well. :D I will try to bring her friends in more often... they are coming next chapter.

I was actually worried that the last part came out too rushed but I'm glad you liked it.

Thanks for the fantastic review! I had a wonderful time reading it and I'll probably re-read it in the future.

~Sama

P.S. I really will try to get the next chapter up soon. Hopefully by the end of this month. :)


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Review #11, by marauderfan Aaliyah: The Slytherins

18th May 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review!

Your AoC mainly revolved around the characters. I must say I really like Aaliyah in this chapter. She is very astute and though she doesn't always say much, she makes shrewd assessments and seems to be a pretty intelligent girl (...even if she gets sucked into the drama of fake relationships.) I particularly like her analysis of why her "relationship" with Albus isn't working out and haha I liked when she called him out on it all being awkward. The dynamic of their acquaintance (for lack of better word, since it's not exactly a friendship) is really interesting too since they're both so reserved, one of them is going to have to crack eventually or they'll both be irritated at the other for being so reserved! :P And, well, not really surprised Albus has only had two girlfriends - I mean, he's only 16. But it's progress that he told Aaliyah something about himself. Yay!

So for the new characters. Sebastian seems like a creeper, but maybe that's just a bad first impression because he was staring at her! :P Kian seems like a nice guy, the past friendship does help there! One thing that confused me though is why he's so keen to get to know her now, because after two years of being Potions partners doesn't he know her already? And actually all of them seemed a little... (well, I hate to use the stereotype, but) girly, the way they pounce on her for details about a relationship, and then try to convince Al to let her stay while he tries to tell them she's leaving. Why doesn't Aaliyah get a say in all this? I mean, Albus doesn't own her. She's a free woman and can do what she wants! (ok, or not. She's kind of trespassing in their dormitory I guess haha.)

Anyway, before I just ramble away unnecessarily, I think you've distinguished the three new Slytherins well, pointing out different things about each. I think their personalities will become clearer in time though, as they just haven't had as much screen time yet.

Aww! Seth's confession was so cute and I know this is going to be Albus/Aaliyah eventually but I totally ship Seth/Aaliyah! I kind of feel like my doomed Seth/Aaliyah ship is like that sinking rowboat Jack Sparrow has at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean. It never has a chance, haha.

Also, I know this is completely irrelevant but do you make your own graphics and stuff? cause they're awesome.

Sorry about the wait for this review! Lovely work on this chapter :)

Author's Response: Gah, I feel so horrible for taking so long with this reply.

They are both really reserved so yeah they kind of blame the other of their awkwardness but they will become friends... it just may take some time. I honestly want to see both of them crack at the same time because then both of their reactions would be 'what am I supposed to do' or 'well this is getting serious, maybe I should leave.' That won't happen though... sadly.

Sebastian is a creeper? Lol, I guess out of all of them he would be the creeper. Well, him or Scorpius. He's actually more of a womanizer than the rest. He's charming but he doesn't always get attention from girls so he kind of has to fight for that. I will show you his sensitive side though and make you love him. :P Kian and her are friends but they don't talk too often. And he probably is confused why she never told him anything since he knows Albus and all.

I did make the boys act a little girly, didn't I? Honestly, none of the Slytherins do serious relationships or even have serious relationships so when they found out about Aaliyah they thought it was serious... esp since it's Al and all. And Albus is more reserved than the rest so... they kind of want to know what's going on. They might be guys and not make a big deal out of most things but they all do care for each other.

Seth/Aaliyah is a sinking ship I'm sorry to say. He's a sweet guy though. And we'll see him more later on. I hope that makes up for the fact that him and Aaliyah won't happen. :P

All of the chapter stuff are made by me. Making graphics is one of my hobbies. And thank you!

Thank you so much for taking the time to review, it's much appreciated! I loved reading all of your insights and your honesty is great! Thanks again!!

~Sama


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Review #12, by newgenerationlover Aaliyah: The Party

7th May 2014:
So I have absolutely loved your story so far!! I love all your characters- especially Aaliyah. I really liked the relationship shown between James and Aaliyah (side question: how is her name even pronounced??). He looks out for her like an older brother but not too over powering, he knows she can take care of herself which is nice compared to all these other fics that have these girls that can only be protected by older brothers/older brothers' friends. She is a strong, independent woman who don't need no man!! I never pegged Albus as a straight edge. I mean it kinda fits and I kinda like it more because it shows how he always likes to stay in control, I just never really saw it coming. I can't wait to keep reading and see the progression of their relationship!
xoxo
Mary

Author's Response: Aww, I'm so glad you like my characters. Sometimes I feel like there are too many of them, lol. James is a sweetie. Okay, so he isn't really a sweetie but I love him.And there is more to him that is coming more around the end of the story. And yeah he does watch out for Aaliyah but doesn't go overboard since a) that will chase her away and b) he reserves that treatment for Lily ;).

I didn't expect Albus to be that way either but I think it would make sense since he hates the feeling of being drunk. That and it makes Aaliyah and him bond a bit.

Their relationship will keep progressing (slowly). And you pronounce her name like Aleah. Thanks for the lovely review! It made my day!!

~Sama


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Review #13, by newgenerationlover Albus: The Decision

6th May 2014:
Aaliyah is the cooliest. Gosh, I wish I had her cool exterior. I mean, if someone accused me of liking someone else, the first this out of my mouth probably isn't "well I guess that's their problem." She is the epitome of a cool cucumber ;). You have done a great job setting each scene. You don't go over board with descriptions like so many other authors do, but you give little details that allow the reader not only to set the scene, but to get to know the characters better. Exhibit A: "His feet are resting on a table casually and in his lap is a textbook with childish and inappropriate doodles in it." The little details are what make it amazing. I am still hooked and I am definitely going to keep reading!!

Author's Response: Hello!

Aaliyah, a cool cucumber? Haha, I didn't think of it like that but I can kind of see it. I guess I just made her really independent and unfazed by comments that don't really mean much to her. If only I was like that, lol.

Description has got to be my biggest enemy. I usually put less of it because I like focusing on the dialogue and characters more. Thank you so, so much for thinking I have a good balance of it. And the only reason I put little details in there is to avoid writing a bunch of description.

Thank you for the thoughtful review! I had a great time reading it!
~Sama


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Review #14, by newgenerationlover Aaliyah: The Meeting

6th May 2014:
Wow! Great start! I already love all your characters, especially Albus. Albus is so cool and collected yet calculating and curious (ok, so not very curious, but I wanted another 'c' word, so lets just say curious stands for a person who can read anyone very easily ;) ). Why do they have guilt?? I actually can't wait to find it out. You already have me completely hooked. I guess I'll keep reading, but you will probably get at least one more review from me right now. So, see you later alligator ;)

Author's Response:
Albus, dear Albus, he is a character! He is fun to write though so I love him. Haha, I love the 'c' adjectives! Another one could be conservative maybe? :D I think Aaliyah is more of a curious person than him but he is very attentive.

Oh, the guilt. I would tell you why but I am an author... hence the secret. ;) It will come out though, maybe not too soon but somewhere in the middle of the story maybe.

Thanks for the sweet review. Made my day! ^_^

~Sama


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Review #15, by Leonore Aaliyah: The Meeting

5th May 2014:
Hi! Here from RRT

Loving that intro with the gossiping paintings! But a HUFFLEPUFF vandalised a painting?

"In first and second year she was more light-hearted and calm." McGonagall? Light-hearted and calm? What must the other teachers be like?

Lovely descriptive section where Albus is looking at her - great detail.

I'm not sure about Charlotte Ronan's cronies being Hufflepuffs. Yeah, they're normal teenagers and they're younger students so more likely to cave to an older student. But aren't they supposed to be hardworking and care for other people? I'd expect them to object to something so horrible as finding out and spreading rumours.

"they are painted navy blue with sparkly stars." I am jealous!

Oh, so Charlotte's a Hufflepuff! I suppose I shouldn't stereotype but- wants to find out people's weaknesses for her own use. I'd be more tempted to make her a Slytherin (I know, stereotype, but that's ambition...) I expect it'll be clearer later on once you've had time to maybe dig into her character a bit more.

It started off with the summary and everything and I was like "OK, next-gen romance". (Especially with Slytherin Albus). But it's not. I guess I'll have to read on if I want to know what's going on here. It's kind of late right now but maybe soon?

I shouldn't review at 20 past midnight because my eyes are starting to lose focus. But I love your presentation of Albus. He's strange, and I wouldn't necessarily want to hang out with him, but he's certainly an interesting character. Knows his own mind.

Yep, good characterisation and what sounds like an interesting original plot!

- Leonore

Author's Response: Yeah... I may have made my Hufflepuffs a little OOC. But their hardworking quality is what makes them so efficient in what they do. And most of them are pretty nice, they just cave to Charlotte.

And Charlotte is in Hufflepuff for a reason... her values don't really tie in with Slytherin but she is determined so I guess she does have some Slytherin characteristics in her.

If it was a next-gen romance, there would a lot less of people getting hurt haha. :P Maybe that would have been better since the characters have grew on me... But I'm evil like that lol.

I always thought Slytherin Albus was more interesting than Gryffindor Albus. I don't know why though. Maybe it has to do with him getting sorted into the house Harry almost ended up in. That and making him cunning and all smirk-y is pretty attractive (Aaliyah will hopefully agree with me).

Thanks for your thoughts. You get a penny! (Penny for your thoughts and all. No?)

Anyway, thanks for the positivity! I had a a great time reading for review! Sorry for taking so long to reply.

~Sama


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Review #16, by KC Albus: The Decision

16th February 2014:
Loving this story--especially your version of Albus. Hot/mysterious Albus Potter is always my favorite! Plus you've actually managed to make the fake-dating cliche interesting and unique, so props!

I also love the way you write, especially your descriptions. They're not really long/drawn out but yet I can picture everything so clearly.

Oh, just wondering, but who did you use for Albus on your CI?

Off to read more of your wonderful story! XX

Author's Response: Hot and mysterious Albus is more fun to write so I guess that's why his character is like that. I wouldn't be able to pull of a brave, Gryffindor Albus anyway. And I'm so, so, so happy that you think it isn't cliche. I was so scared that the plot line was going to make it less original so thank you!

You like the way I write? That's so sweet. And lol, descriptions are my enemy. I'm not very good at going into too much detail when it comes to them.

Oh, he's Kevin Flamme. And he is very fine, haha. :)

I hope you enjoy the rest of the story and thank you so much for taking the time to review. It means the whole world to me. :)

~Sama


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Review #17, by mcdash Albus: The Family

31st January 2014:
Oh my goodness, Al and Aaliyah are ridiculously cute. Like, I'm reading this chapter and part of me wants to just slide onto the floor and lay there for a bit because they're just so overwhelming. You know?

Anyways, the Weasley family is, of course, one of my favorite families, and I love how you've already established their personalities with this chapter. Each person definitely has that boisterous and caring Weasley personality, and their reactions to Aaliyah definitely fit. I was expecting more of reactions to Aaliyah herself, but I liked how it was to the shock of her and Al's relationship. Especially considering her and Fred's past, I could see how they would be surprised. But the girls taking her in at the family gathering was very sweet, because even if they didn't mean it or anything, at least they're trying. :)

As each chapter goes along, I love seeing the natural progression of Al and Aaliayh's conversations. It's not too rushed, and they're definitely becoming better at the whole 'fake relationship' thing (even if part of me hopes the feelings are real). Their conversation about Professor Regan was hilarious, especially this line:

He is what fourth year girls call, "a very fit, young bloke" which is basically a nice way of saying, "I wouldn't mind doing him."

One of my favorite parts of this chapter was the set up of the family gathering with the times at top. It gives a nice progression and visual, especially to how the family interacts with Aaliyah.

This was a great chapter, and I can't wait to see more of the Weasleys. :)

Author's Response: I honestly don't know how to respond to them being ridiculously cute. A part of me wants to jump up and down and squeal and the other part of me is 'wait, be reasonable. be calm.' If you find them overwhelming now, you'll have to brace yourself for the next handful of chapters. ;)

The Weasleys are like the ultimate wizarding family. It's such a relief that their personalities came out or are coming out. There are so many of them, I didn't know if they could all be fit into one chapter. The reactions... I had only Lily's, Rose's, and Fred's planned out and the rest just came out while I was writing. They probably have less reactions to Aaliyah herself since they knew a week or two beforehand that Al and her were together. However, they wanted to know 'why.'

Professor Reagan... he's a looker. ;) That part was fun writing. And it gives a sort of light-hearted, humor to Al and Aaliyah's relationship.

I actually thought the last few parts with the time marks weren't going to be effective but rather rushed and unnecessary. When I read that it was one of your favorite parts, I was literally in mind saying, "yes."

Thank you for the sweet, terrific review!!
I cannot begin to explain how grateful I am and how much I love reading your thoughts. :)

~Sama


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Review #18, by mcdash Aaliyah: The Slytherins

31st January 2014:
Getting around to reviewing this chapter finally, and wow, what a chapter!

To start off, Aaliyah's list was great. I love how she's identifying the problems, especially with her and Al's behavior around each other. I'd love to see them work those problems out, and I saw definitely saw that in Aaliyah and Al's conversation about their awkwardness. I adore relationships where each person has to work out their problems to make it work, so Aaliyah/Al is making me very happy!

Out of the Slytherins, I think Scorpius is still my favorite, but of the new Slytherins, it's Kian. He seems like a wonderful person to be around and talk to. Honestly, Sebastian was very off-putting to me, but I think it's just his personality at the beginning of the scene. I quite liked Al being "protective" (I say that lightly) and trying to get Aaliyah out of the room.

Seth's confession was perfect. I loved it, especially when he was describing why he liked Aaliyah. This particular line was my favorite:

And how you secretly practice on your broom early in the morning on Sundays even though you quit the team in fifth year.

Throughout the whole scene I was grinning like a madwoman, not gonna lie.

Another thing about this chapter. Your pacing is fantastic. Everything flows together and feels very natural, especially the dialogue. Aaliyah presents herself as very clever in what she says, and I love that. Overall, I really loved this chapter!

Author's Response: I take way too much time to respond to these so sorry about that. Yay! I'm glad Al and Aaliyah are making you happy. They have some walls they need to break that's for sure. But hopefully they'll be more comfortable around each other.

Kian... yeah since Aaliyah already knows him he comes off more wonderful. Sebastian, hehe, I'll have to bring him into the story more, then maybe he'll start to grow on you.

You'll probably see more of Al's protective side later on. And I'm super happy that Seth's confession came out that way. He's a sweetie and I really wish he would find a girl that is as equally sweet as him (not Aaliyah though).

Aww thank you. Pacing is something I'm never sure about it so you saying it's fantastic means A LOT. Aaliyah was supposed to be a clever character and I'm ecstatic that she's coming off that way.

Thanks so much!
I love reading your reviews. :)
~Sama


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Review #19, by grace Albus: The Family

28th January 2014:
I love this story :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you do! And I like you for loving this story and taking the time to tell me that you do! I will cherish your four words forever. :)

Thank you!
~Sama


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Review #20, by marauderfan Albus: The Confrontations

27th January 2014:
Hello! Here with your requested review and sorry for taking 463 years to do so. I have already reviewed the first 3 chapters so I'm doing this one.

Ok, I love the scene when Aaliyah discovers Albus' list. Her reaction is clever and funny. And she and Scorpius seem to be getting on well, they make great friends. I loved when they were both sort of teaming up against Albus and laughing at him haha.

Gabby seems nice, being protective of her sister behind her back. There were a lot of people coming to check that Albus actually likes Aaliyah. I guess people are catching onto the fact that their relationship is fake. But he actually likes her, so I guess he won't have too much trouble acting. Personally I dont know why they bother, since they're just getting nasty gossip written about them. That publication is really quite mean!

Reagrding possible plot inconsistencies- there is one point when Scorpius comments that a professor is just like McGonagall, but how would he know what she is like? Was she still teaching there when they were first years or something? Otherwise I don't think he would know how she is as a professor.

There are some word choice issues I found, such as in the first section "themself" - which is not actually a word. Neither is "infront", which I noticed a couple of times in the chapter; it should be "in front".

Also, "I remember her scowling at her" - you might want to substitute a name for one of the "her"s just to clarify who is who.

I hope I haven't sounded too harsh! Other than that CC, I think it's a good chapter! Your characterisation of Albus is good, I'm starting to get a clearer idea of his personality as he reacts to people's questions about Aaliyah, he is clearly quite guarded, but people are starting to make him open up in this chapter. Great work on this!

Author's Response: Hello! It's no big deal about the time.

That scene was fun to write haha. And yeah her and Scorpius are going to turn out to be friends. Lol, yes Albus has his own best friend and girlfriend gag up on him.

They're watching out just 'cause Al's not really the sweet, adoring type of guy so they want to watch out for Aaliyah. Haha, he doesn't have any actual deep feelings for her but he does have this protective instinct over her. Maybe it will turn out to be something more. ;)

Hmmm... during their first year, McGonagall was headmaster but did teach a class or two of Transfiguration since she loved teaching, but in the end it became a lot on her plate so now she sticks to being only headmaster.

Thanks for the CC and I'll have to go back and correct those parts.

I'm super happy that you think Albus is coming out more, it means a lot.

Thanks so much for this! :D I really appreciate it.

~Sama


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Review #21, by AccioTeddyLupin Albus: The Family

26th January 2014:
“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.”

Karen Marie Moning

I just thought this quote went with this story. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I was on hpff late at night and when I saw this review I was literally going "aww" in my head reading the quote. It's just so sweet, deep, and meaningful. And the thought that you think it goes with the story is just... so amazing. And it actually does go with the story so yeah thank you for taking the time to drop me this review. Made my night and every time I read it I can't stop smiling.

~Sama :D
P.S. I'll try my best to get the next chapter up ASAP.


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Review #22, by Zqad Albus: The Family

25th January 2014:
Awww that was one sweet chapter

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. It was meant to come out a little light-hearted and sweet so I'm happy that it did.

Thanks for taking the time to review. It means a lot.

~Sama


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Review #23, by UnluckyStar57 Albus: The Decision

21st January 2014:
Hi! I'm finally here to review you! :D

Okay, so this chapter just made things WAY more interesting! I liked getting things from Albus' point of view--it adds another layer of complexity to things! I especially liked his characterization of Aaliyah. What SHE can't tell us about herself, HE sure can!

Ahh! So the whole proposition that he carried out was really part of a bigger master plan! He wanted to guilt-trip her into saying yes! What a Slytherin! :D

What I'm quite curious about is: What happened with Aaliyah and Fred last year? Why does she feel indebted to James? Will I get to find that out later on? She's quite mysterious, which is good! I like that she's complex and she can't be figured out too easily. :)

And dear Scorpius has some Rose feels... So silly. :) It's good that they're not dating already--watching them come together at the same time that Albus and Aaliyah are fake-dating will be really interesting! I'm so glad that Scorpius finally realized his true feelings, even though it was really late at night. :D

The most interesting part of the chapter BY FAR was the end. Aaliyah has accepted the proposition, and Albus knows exactly how to play Ronan! That was really clever of him, to watch her every move on the Marauders' Map, and to put on a show for her. Hopefully an interesting news article will come out about it. :)

There were just a few things that I noticed that seemed a little off:

"What Scorpius doesn't know is that one of the vindications for choosing her..."~I looked it up, and I don't think that "vindications" is a noun. "Vindicate" is a verb, but I would suggest that you find a different word for that sentence. (Just a suggestion, though! Do what makes you happy!) :)

"The question comes from Blaine Zabini, a chestnut haired friend. And Blaine is still repeating the same freaking question with his hazel eyes."~Here, I'm not really sure why the descriptions of "chestnut haired" and "hazel eyes" come into play. I understand that you're trying to describe Blaine, but I would suggest that you rephrase those sentences. The first one sounds a bit awkward, and the second one sounds like Blaine was asking the question with his eyes. (Unless that's what you meant to do!)

"I. Changed. My. Mind. About. The. Preposition."~"Preposition" should be "Proposition." Just one letter off. I do that a lot. :)

Well, besides those very minuscule things, this was a very brilliant chapter! Great work! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Yeah, I've got that a lot (this chapter is more interesting, that is).

Let's just say that something happened between Aaliyah and Fred last year. ;) And she feels indebted to James since he watched out for her when he didn't need to. Aaliyah's kind of an open book but there is more to her than meets the eye, know one realizes that except for Albus though.

Scorpius... yeah. He's going through a phase. He's accepted it and now he's deciding on how he's going to face it. And he's just... a typical teenage boy, you know? He's chill, friendly, and happens to get this major crush on someone he never thought he would.

Albus knows how to play people and knows what makes their buttons push. He's observant and picks up on things rather quickly. It's a skill he picked up on. :)

Your advice was very helpful. I went back and edited those parts. Thanks for catching them and they totally make sense.

Brilliant chapter? I find that hard to believe, haha, but it means so, so, so much that you think so. I always value everyone's opinion(s) so yeah... thanks!!

Thank you again for the wonderful review... really made me smile reading it. :)

~Sama


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Review #24, by toomanycurls Albus: The Decision

21st January 2014:
Review swap!

I'm glad you're switching views in the story. That always gives such a rich narrative! Albus seemed so complex last chapter that I'm eager to get inside his head a little.

Albus' interpretation of Scorpius' reaction was hilarious. I can't blame Albus for not wanting to talk about it in front of others. I like how you describe the Slytherins.

I love the twist that Albus was intrigued by Aaliyah and perhaps fancied her. Or at least he wanted to understand her better.

aw, he's checking her out in class. :D I do like how he's putting it off as an academic/curiosity thing. haha, Scorpius' hobby of making dirty drawing is quite funny.

I wouldn't be very happy if my friend woke me up in the middle of the night to announce he liked someone. Oh poor Scorpius is afraid to like her. :( He just needs a pat on the head.

Is Blaise a Jr? There's a Blaise in Harry's year at Hogwarts so I thought I'd ask. Ooh, Fred and Aaliyah were a thing. Interesting. :D The plot thickens.

Why is Aaliyah yelling for Albus then get all shy when he pays attention to her? That's not like her. OooOoOooh! She changed her mind! That could be exciting! I like her rules! ^_^ I can see how the no snogging wouldn't fly. I mean, they have to be realistic. The others were good though! Al really does have an ego on his shoulders.

I can't tell if Albus is just messing with her or trying to really be her bf and going about it the difficult way.

-Rose

Author's Response: I didn't really plan for this story to be from different points of view but there were some parts I felt necessary to see from Al's pov so now the point of view switches every other chapter.

Slytherins are fun to write. I find that Slytherin is the most interesting house and after that Hufflepuff. And Scorpius is a babe, haha.

He doesn't fancy her but yeah, he does want to understand her better. Yes, he is observing her from afar. Albus is the type that likes to get to know his enemy or person of interest, haha. And Scorpius... he's a... creative one?

Blaine is Blaise's son, yes. And Fred and Aaliyah were a thing though the details come later.

She's not shy that he's paying attention to her really, more about admitting that he's right (that she will change her mind and all). Al does have an ego but for real, his ego isn't that big. He just needs it to be confident.

He's not messing with her but yes, he can be a little difficult. :)

This review was so, so thoughtful. I loved reading it! Thank you!!

~Sama :))


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Review #25, by toomanycurls Aaliyah: The Meeting

19th January 2014:
Review swap!!

I love the sense of flurry and intensity you start the chapter off with. You talk about fear in such a realistic way. I felt I was experiencing fear as well. Aaliyah's obersvations on the Potter brothers gives a fresh description on the two boys. I find your description of Albus to be quite intriguing actually. Albus seems like such a mystery to me. I really hope he gets unravelled a bit in the story.

You do a wonderful job building and holding tension in a scene. When they hear the high heels coming, the way you describe everyone's reaction, then jump to Albus' unemotional demeanor, and then back to tension is just great.

Charlotte sounds like a force to be reconned with. I wonder what gives her that power or why she's like that. She kind of seems like a bit of a bully when she's trying to get to the bottom of James and Gabby's breakup. I am glad they all pulled together and stood their ground.

Oooh, how scandalous that James and Gabby only pretened to be together to make Charlotte off everyone's case. Even more scandalous that Albus would ask Aaliyah to be his pretend gf. I think there's more to his answer than guilt and snogging.

This is quite a good intro!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hello!!

Description was probably the one thing I was worried most about so I'm really, really happy that you though it was good. The Potter boys are kind of similar in looks but in personality they are quite the opposite. And Al will unravel throughout the story, I promise.

Charlotte is a bit if a twisted character but she does have feelings and all. And there is more to why Al asked Aaliyah to be his gf.

Thank you for the terrific review. You're amazing.
~Sama


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