Reading Reviews for Handbook; Raising Roses
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by broadwaykat Cinderella; That's not how mummy tells it!

9th August 2013:
Hey! Here I am with my review for your challenge entry!

I really enjoyed how you incorporated this story into the magical world - not just with a 'easier' retelling of a magical tale, but also by incorporating aspects of the storyteller's character into it.

Ron is probably a character I see the most underutilized in a lot of fan fiction - don't know why, as I find the boy hilarious. Your depiction of him here was great - a little different, more grown up as a young father, but there's still a lot of his childishness and stubborn magical ways in there; like insisting to tell it the 'magical' version, and not the muggle one - because it didn't make sense. And, of course, the inclusion of food. Because certainly, in Ron's story, he's going to make sure that Cinderella certainly has a snack in there too. As well as other little touches, such as the references to the chess metaphor for their family home...and the Serious/Sirius versus Luna comparison.

The banter between him and Rose is cute; being a daughter, it brings back a lot of memories with my dad, and it was very believable. I like also how, while you bring Hugo and Hermione into it as well - they don't take over the story - you keep it as a moment between daughter and dad, without Hermione butting in to make points on the 'proper' story other than for telling him off for swearing. Ron's interactions with both his children were just precious - I particularly enjoyed the imagery of him picking up a tangled Hugo off the edge of the bed by the seat of his pants. Very Ron.

I think you did a brilliant job of adapting the fairy tale into the wizarding world - the wand angle instead of magical shoes was a good choice. And Ron makes a fair argument too - in a world full of witches why couldn't they just fix the shoe to fit them? End of story. I also love the Leprechaun. You kept everything that happened in the story to the magical world that we all know and love - there are the fantastical elements, but within the world of JK Rowling - these are very real rules. Also I love the callback to the Leprechaun because there is the emphasis on temporary magic - again, helping to make sense the feeling of urgency and limitation.

The only thing I would call attention to is your spelling: Sometimes you mix up a few words. For example there was a moment where " Cinderella found her filthy rags disappear and a beautiful dress GAME in itís place." I think it's came. But it isn't all that distracting when it does happen, and it's totally understandable - trust me, I do it all the time. There's probably a few moments in this very review - I just point them out when I see 'em.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable story. Thanks for giving me a chance to read it!

Author's Response: And thank You very much for reviewing! (I had to make that a caption to emphasize the you).

You left a great review, pointing out the bits that you like, which I always love when people do that, because I learn what I do good an use it more often.
I know I always make mistakes and even after having a beta reading it en rereading it myself several times I can still find those errors. I don't know how it happens and I'm always grateful when people point them out so I can change them.

I loved the challenge you set up. As I told you it really is a challenge to my heart, I already had time theme in my head, having Ron tell a story and it's great to have had the chance to enter it. It was also great to get a story and try to work my way with it. That was a challenge, because I was thinking of other stories.

I love the world JK Rowling created and I will forever research the facts and things of it, trying to make my stories into worthy stories for her world. I also love to bring as much magic into them as possible. That just so much fun! Also, overall I love Ron's character, he's so much fun. He's going to be a big part of this short story collection.

Thank you for all the compliments and good luck with choosing a winner for you challenge!

Maya


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Review #2, by Penelope Inkwell Cinderella; That's not how mummy tells it!

7th August 2013:
Cute! I enjoyed reading this. I feel like you wrote it in just the way that Ron would have told a fairy tale. There were a few moments that made me chuckle, just because I was like, yep, I can totally imagine him phrasing it in just that way. There were a few small grammatical mistakes, as happens to all of us, but nothing that I couldnít understand. My absolute favorite thing about it was the way you weaved in wizarding things--it made perfect sense that Ron would tell a different version of Cinderella than Hermione, and it made me think of that scene in the first DH movie, where theyíre all comparing the tales of their childhood :)

Even better than that, though, were your wizarding embellishments: making the slipper into a wand, as the wand *does* choose the wizard, and it really does make much more sense that way; making it a leprechaun instead of a fairy, because we know that their gold disappears, so their magic having a time limit was brilliant, and made perfect sense to the story! I LOVED that--it was really quite clever. And there were other little touches like that throughout it that I just thought were nice (the stepmother taking her wand explains why she couldnít do anything about her situation, for instance. Itís nice that you thought all these things through so clearly).

I did have one question: *was* it meant to be Luna? It sounded like it was. In that case, I think it would be nice if you added in a few Luna-isms--maybe the princeís eye could be caught by how unique her dress is, and they could talk about rare magical creatures or her cork necklace or something. It would just add that much more sparkle to it. But it was a cute story, and very well thought out. Iím glad I got to read it. Nice work!

Author's Response: Hey, thank you for this great review! I made me smile. I always like to hear that people enjoyed my stories. This one is really the start of a collection I want to write, so if you have a bit of interest in my version of Rose's childhood and life keep checking up on it!

I always love making references to magic and the magical world as much as I can and I try to make them accurate. I love that world and it's a big part of why I love fan fiction. Sure the characters are amazing, but the world they live in is just as awesome!

I had actually forgotten that I had meant for Cinderella to be Luna... but that was a thought I had started out with. It's great that you pointed that out to me, I'll definitely work more Luna like elements in. That will be so funny :)

thank you for the review and the good tips!
Maya


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