Reading Reviews for Unraveling a Broken Soul
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pheonix Potioneer Unraveling a Broken Soul

15th July 2013:
Hmm, this is very interesting. I didn't think it was possible for squibs to get magic. Did the man have so much magic that he just transferred his to her? And I suppose you must be magical to see the birds, just like you have to be magical to see dementors.

I never really thought about Victoire being a squib. I always saw her as the pretty, beautiful one who was sweet, and did everything right.

This is a beautiful one-shot, and I was completely in awe the entire time. It flows together beautiful, and I can almost feel the magic. Stunning.

Victoire must have a lot of determination to go through all of that. She really wanted to become magical. I am surprised she trusted a completely stranger, and the only reason she did so was because of Teddy. And in the end, the reason she got magic was because of Teddy.

Author's Response: The way I saw it was more of an "explanation" as to why squibs aren't magical. Like they still have the magic in their blood, but it's blocked by something. I thought of the block because of Ariana Dumbledore actually n.n She became a squib, because she got traumatized by magic, but it was still inside her. And then the only other squibs we see in the books are Filch, obviously filled with lots of anger and frustration, and Mrs Figg an obviously very lonely, slightly unstable woman. So I thought, maybe, it all comes from a mental block, like an illness, the block doesn't kill the magic, only stops it from flowing. I don't see the man as someone especially, impossibly magical, more as a man like Albus Dumbledore, who has learned to make the most of his abilities. n.n I never thought about how strange it would be for her to trust a stranger. I think she was desperate, tired of feeling like a failure in her magical family n.n This is why I chose Victoire. Because of her name, meaning "Victory" and referring to the war, and because she's the first born in the new Weasley generation. It's as though everyone had every hope for her and she feels like she disappointed them. She always gives it her all because, in her mind, she has nothing to lose. She's a very troubled character when you study her :/ I'm really glad you enjoyed n.n I hope I answered your questions! *hugs*

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Review #2, by ValWitch21 Unraveling a Broken Soul

14th July 2013:
This is a heart-breaking mixture of sad and beautiful, and I loved all of it. I don't think there are that many stories of Weasley children being Squibs, least of all Victoire, which for some reason made me even sadder as I read this.

Your description is lovely: it's a bit rushed at times, but in my opinion it fits the general style of this well, as it really to sense Victoire's panic and fear.

I also particularly liked the final line. It was very simple, but it allowed us to understand that Victoire had, after all, found her magic.

Nice job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this n.n I'm really glad you enjoyed and you are much too kind *snuggles*

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Review #3, by navyfail Unraveling a Broken Soul

13th July 2013:
Hey June! I'm Sama here for the review-a-thon!

This is actually my first story that has to do with a squib and might I say I loved it quite much.

Your description of the forest is great! I feel like I am there. And Victorie's characterization is different from most. Instead of the perfect, part veela Weasley you give us the squib Weasley who still believes she is magical. You made her quite relatable since everybody has felt failure.

My favorite part is when she finds her haven. It shows that home isn't always what you think it is. And she did reach pretty deep to find it.

One thing I noticed is that a lot of the paragraphs are very lengthy. They make the story look very chuny and blocky. Maybe seperate them into more paragraphs? It may be easier to read.

Great entry!!


Author's Response: Thanks for the sweet review, Sama :3 I'm really glad you enjoyed n.n You aren't the first to suggest shorter paragraphs so i think I'll edit to fix that n.n Thanks again! n.n

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Review #4, by starryskies55 Unraveling a Broken Soul

13th July 2013:
Oh holy crap. This was a completely amazing piece (and because I usually go yaay this is awesome and then do CC, I'm gonna say, no CC. I can't think of anything).

Your description was amazing, I felt like I was there, and the tiny bits of the back story you revealed throughout was very well done technically-wise, and beautifully executed. I especially liked the character of Victoire. I know that I, among many other people, typically write Victoire as a whiny idiot, but your Victoire was so beautiful and heartfelt and she was burning with a desire to be magical and it was beautiful and beautifully written. The way Victoire got her magic as well, i loved the idea of a flow of magic, and it opening the barrier.

Actually, I lied, one small CC, possibly make the paragraphs at the start a bit smaller. This was amazing. Well done. I'd really like a follow up on Victoire showing her parents, but at the same time, the ending was very powerful. Favouriting!

PS. Totally just realised who you are. Hey June! It's Jenny! I'd totally love to podcast this. So good!

Author's Response: Jenny omg :3 This review is so nice, and incredible, and omg, just, omg. You honestly just made my day with this :3 I'm so glad you enjoyed ee! n.n And I would be HONORED if you wanted to podcast this, honestly :3 (ps: all the :3 are imaginary hearts, because HPFF won't let me make hearts ;-; ) I lurve you :3

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Review #5, by marauderfan Unraveling a Broken Soul

13th July 2013:
This was really lovely! Your descriptions are amazing, I could really feel the forest with all the bugs and the jungle plants and the thick air, and Victoire's pain and desperation at being a Squib in a family of wizards, and the movement of energy throughout the piece. I thought it was really an interesting idea, having her as a squib, and I was so glad she managed to find her magic in the end. Great work!

Author's Response: I'm really, really glad you enjoyed, thank you so much for the really sweet review n.n

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Review #6, by charlottetrips Unraveling a Broken Soul

13th July 2013:
What a premise! A Weasley who's a Squib! Whodda thunk?

Anyway, my interest was immediately grabbed by the fact that you chose to tell a story about that. And then it was even more drawn in by the stream-of-consciousness in your writing. It's an unusual style for me but one that really works to draw a person in. I couldn't help but BE Victoire for the time being.

It was easy to feel her pain and utter desparation to find her magic and be magical. Her dreams of what she could do or how she could just be like her family was very easy to see and feelings that I think would be something that a Squib would think and feel. I can't actually quite get over the fact that you made VICTOIRE a Squib. She's always the perfect one in any Next Gen story I read.

I find it wonderful that she chose a moment of love with Teddy to help center herself. It's just apt and in keeping with how JKR has set up the Harry Potter world. Love does make that world go round.

The ending was poignant and the last line so simple yet so touching given what had gone down earlier.

Author's Response: Wow, :3 I'm... I... wow. This review is brilliant, honestly, I'm really touched you thought all those wonderful things about my story, I *flail* thank you! *huggles* I have no words :3

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Review #7, by LittleLionGirl Unraveling a Broken Soul

12th July 2013:
I read your one-shot... I am astonished with how well you did. You turned something that seemed impossible- even to the character into something completely possible. I like the brief mention of Teddy because usually the relationship between the two will take up 75% of the story, so it was a nice change. Job well done WhisperingBees. :)

Author's Response: Nawwn, thank you :D I didn't feel as though mentioning Teddy too often would be of any use, he wasn't really important in the story, I'm glad you thought that was cool! :D Thank you for the sweet review, and I'm really happy you enjoyed! :D


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Review #8, by academica Unraveling a Broken Soul

12th July 2013:
Hey there!

Whoa, what a cool story idea! It certainly seems plausible for someone in Victoire's condition to seek assistance from a practitioner of alternative medicine when all traditional methods have failed. I liked how the setting allowed you to dwell a little on her actual travel experience as well as the here and now of her meeting with the foreign healer.

I also really liked how you played up the imagery and emotion in this story. For instance, the line about how every Squib had tasted disappointment was really neat. It was intriguing to really stop and think about all that Victoire was missing out on by not being magical, and then satisfying in turn when she turned out to get her magic there at the end.

Great work!

House Cup 2013

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the great review! n.n I'm not exactly sure how the idea came to me, I think I just liked the idea of mixing traditional magic rites (such as Shamans, Wiccans, etc) with JKR's wizard universe, and then I played on that n.n I'm glad you found it interesting and enjoyed :3

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Review #9, by maskedmuggle Unraveling a Broken Soul

12th July 2013:

Wow! This was a really, really cool and fantastical fic! I've never read anything like it, but I think the idea is so original! To think of Victoire being a squib.. and how she'd tried so hard to be magical.. I felt so sorry for her. The ending felt extremely magical though, with the strange man and the idea of how she had to find her peace first..

One or two mistakes here: is hair - his hair, est - east, but other than that, this story is definitely very special, so well done on writing such a creative story! I thought the descriptive writing at the start was awesome as well!

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: awwn, thank you :3 I know I had typos ahaha xD I've actually sent the edit in the queue just a few hours ago n.n I ended up a little tight on time and wanted to have it in for the HC ^^' Thank you for the delightful review! :3

I'm really glad you liked it! n.n

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Review #10, by AlexFan Unraveling a Broken Soul

12th July 2013:
I felt so bad for Victoire because she had all of these dreams that she desperately wanted to come true but they seemed almost impossible to achieve. I felt so bad that she couldn't do magic, I think you really captured the feelings that a lot of Squibs must have.

You had beautiful description throughout the chapter, I could clearly picture everything in my head. The only thing that I can point out (besides the fact that it's slightly off canon) is that your paragraphs are really large. I'd suggest making some of them smaller so the story is easier to read.

This was beautiful though, I really enjoyed it!

Author's Response: eh, yeah, I toyed with a bit of AU in the story xD I guess I've been used to writing OF for a while now, so my FF might feel a little odd xD Humm, I hadn't realized the size of the paragraphs were bothersome! I'll keep that in mind during my next edit! :D

I'm really, really glad you enjoyed, and thank you so much for the review! n.n

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Review #11, by typewriter Unraveling a Broken Soul

12th July 2013:
This story was absolutely lovely and creative. I have never even put thought into what it would feel like to grow up in the magical world but be unable to do magic. At the end, the thought of Victorie looking from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts and knowing she'd never step foot inside devastated me. It was heartwrenching and beautiful all at once. There were some typos in the story that you'd probably find after taking a break from the story and looking at it with fresh eyes. For example, the first sentence says "my heart race" when you might mean "my heart rate". I make silly errors all the time because, when we read our own story back to ourselves, we know what it's supposed to say, so we sometimes don't see what it really does. Lastly, I personally found the following sentence to be overwhelming: "It wasnt my first time travelling to strange places, Id tried every trick, every spell, listened to every charlatan, worn every talisman, trusted every thick, bubbly potion, drank them to very last drop even when they made me sick, forced it down my throat when I had to." Maybe you would consider rewording it or breaking it up a little. Just a suggestion. Overall, though, this story was captivating. I want to immediately go find another tale of a squib!

Author's Response: awwn, thank you :3 (I'd forgotten that HPFF won't let you make hearts. damn coding *cries* HERE IS A FICTIONAL HEART FOR YOU! *gives* ) eee! I knew there would probably be a lot of typos! I didn't have time to read it over, as I ended up finishing it a little bit at the last minute, and I wanted it to be in before the deadline for the HC. Thank you so much for your comment and crit, I see there are probably many typos and ohmygosh that sentence is long o.o I'm going to have to fix that o.o I think I'll go editing it right away~ n.n

I'm really glad you liked it! :D



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