Reading Reviews for Marius
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ann The Tale of Martin Corner

13th August 2014:
I want to read more about Martin. I WOULD BE INTEREST TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS SCHOOL.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much for your review! :)

I've had several requests to continue this story. I've been working on writing a novel on his adventures.

Thank you very much!
LEP:)


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Review #2, by SilverDarkHorse The Tale of Martin Corner

11th June 2014:
Hello there! I saw your post asking for help with cricket, and as an obsessive cricket-freak, came here to scout out your stories :)

This one-shot was very enjoyable. A nice glimpse into Marius' life - and also a beginning to Michael Corner's line, I guess? It was well-written, but a bit more detail like fleshing out Professor Pendlebury's and Christopher's reactions to Martin wouldn't go amiss, I think.

Btw, you can spell cricket with a simple "c" :)

I've also added a reply with a few links on cricket to your forum post - I hope you'll find it helpful :) And there is another author here named Sheriff who is actually a cricket coach - so if you ask him he might help you out :)

All the best with your writing! I look forward to more cricket :D

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Review #3, by Maelody The Tale of Martin Corner

2nd March 2014:
What a gentle, heartbreaking, goosebump type story! I've never read anything like this, so kudos to you! :D

Poor Marius, being the squib in the Black family! How the disowned him, at that! How awful! Tears came to my eyes because I could only think of how young the poor boy was, and how he would be taken from his attic. Though, I did think the attic was his own source of magic. That maybe him being able to find it was magic enough, but he was just a late bloomer. Sadly, it seems, that was not the case.

The names in this story are so amazing! Was that research on the Black family, or did you just come up with these names? I love them! And your description of the house, like the curtains to a windowless wall with a charm on it for outward appearance, added a very nice touch to the story throughout! I can't help but wonder if his room was Sirius' in the future. Whoever possesses that room must be the outcast of the Black family, eh? ;)

The little boy at the end was so cute! You could tell just how young they were by his innocence alone! All he wanted to do as play and make a new friend, and I think that'll bring the eight year old back to Martin! So adorable! He gave me goosebumps and plastered a big goofy grin all over my face!

Dobie? Does that have anything to do with how a lot of people think Dobby is pronounced? ;) Maybe he's Dobby's daddy! :D

If I saw spiders that big, there would be no way I'd ever go back in that attic! Nope nope nope! lol :)

This was such a charming, unique little story, and I'm so glad that the bingo challenge brought me to this! You did such a wonderful job!

~Mae

2/10 reviews to a Gryffindor story for bingo blackout

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Yes, I looked up the Black family tree to find Marius. I did have fun creating the descriptions for the attic. :)

Hmm... I hadn't considered that, it would make sense if it might turn out to be Sirius' room. Just from the descriptions that we had about Grimmauld Place, I think there's more rooms that we haven't seen. I've been considering if the place isn't larger than it appears given all the other magical additions on it.

I know... if I saw spiders that big, I wouldn't be stepping back there either! :)

Hmm... another point that I hadn't considered about Dobie being related to Dobby. I'll have to think about that one.

I've added the questions you've asked about Marius' room and Dobie as notes to my story so that when I begin writing more to it that I won't forget to answer them!

Thank you very much!
LEP:)


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Review #4, by Rumpelstiltskin The Tale of Martin Corner

1st March 2014:
Hey there, I'm here for Blackout Bingo.

This was quite fun. I love the way it begins! While Marius is hiding on his birthday, he discovers this new place -- isn't that exciting! The sense of wonderment, anticipation, and mystery is abundant as he slowly makes his way through his new odd space (his little attic). He's found himself a sanctuary.

We've (us readers) already been given a sense that Marius isn't your typical Black, as I'm assuming most Blacks don't try to "hide out" on their birthdays. This line, "He should have paid better attention to his motherís lessons, but he wasnít interested in how their family was so much better than everyone else" is the first more direct indication of that, and it is fantastic. He's a rebel at heart, he only needs to fully discover that (and I'm beyond excited for that). ♥

Oh dear, the poor boy is a Squib -- that cannot be a good thing as a member of the "Noble House of Black." I think you've pretty much nailed the reactions of his parents, with his mother selfishly weeping and his father cold and distant. Naturally, he's been disowned and sent away. That's so sad! I mean, it's completely and undeniably realistic, but sad nonetheless. His siblings are also quite harsh...he's not allowed to use the name anymore...can I adopt this kid, please? Holy crows.

And so, Marius becomes Martin. On a positive note, his new name kind of establishes his own identity. He loves to read and learn (especially math and science), so he should have a nice time with his classes at the Muggle school -- not to mention, he'll have some direction on what he wants to do once he finishes school. Not only that, but he seems to be making friends already! Okay, I don't feel so bad for him anymore; his family may have abandoned him, but he may just turn out happier this way.

Fantastic chapter!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I definitely wanted to give Marius a place where he didn't have to worry about whether or not he had magic. :)

After leaving for the Muggle boarding school, it just seemed right for him to choose a new name and have a new start all around. Another decision that he made was to change the colors away from green/silver because he knew it would annoy his family. :)

Thank you!
LEP:)


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Review #5, by Secret Santa The Tale of Martin Corner

25th December 2013:
Ho ho ho!

This was really sad at the start and I was feeling really bad for Marius! Poor little guy! It can't have been all that fun to have been a Black if you're a squib (or what seems to be one Ė you never know, although I guess *you* would, now wouldn't you?).

It was really cool to see this side of the Black family. Of course there would be at least a few others who weren't as 'pure' as the rest would like, but I thought this was very good. You aptly showed a deviation in the family line, while remaining true to the harsh Black nature. I especially liked Pollux in the I-hate-you-but-your-a-great-character-if-that-makes-sense. Also, his mother's kind-but-cold attitude was really true to form, so kudos!

Now, onto the ending. Yay! Marius - sorry - Martin (!) is making friends! I'm curious as to how Professor Pendlebury knows about magic and squibs as such yet still manages to keep a school of... muggles? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but would P.P. (heehee) be a squib himself aiding squibs who are abandoned and such from their families? Would his school be filled with just squibs or would there also be muggles?

Those are just a few things to think about think I think adding those details in could bring your story from great to awesome!!! And please believe me that I sincerely think you are just bordering the line between great and awesome!!! and if you just added those and maybe a few extra details/descriptions that would push this over the edge.

So, anyways, I really loved this! It was really sweet at the end! Also, is he going to be a relative of Michael Corner's? Does that mean he's not actually a squib?! Maybe make a sequel to deal with that if that was your plan! I would love to see Marius/Martin again!

Great job! Looking forward to more R&R'ing!
Secret Santa

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

It was difficult to show how Marius interacted with his family who didn't like that he showed no indication of magic. I think he was tolerated until it became clear that he was a squib.

Those are very good questions and a few I hadn't considered. I would think that the school would have to have some Muggles so that they could learn how to blend in with everyone. I will think on how Prof P will know about magic and if he himself is a Squib. :)

Yes, Michael Corner is his descendant. :) However, Martin is a Squib and must learn to blend in.

I have plans to expand this into a novel, but I need to finish a few of my other WIPs.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!



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Review #6, by randomwriter The Tale of Martin Corner

30th August 2013:
Hi, I'm here for the review swap :)
Go Gryffindor!

I'm sorry this took me so long. I've been meaning to leave you this review for quite a few days.

First of all, I enrolled in this challenge too, and hats off to you for completing it! I couldn't, unfortunately. So I really admire you for having managed that.

Now, for the review. I think this is very well written. You've done a great job with the descriptions. I loved that there were characteristics about Marius that we all could relate to. He was very realistic. Also, the fact that you used the Black family to portray this was very clever. I think that if they had to deal with a squib, they would definitely be ashamed and would no longer consider them to be part of the family. So it was very believable.

I only had one issue here. I felt that it ended quite abruptly, but I understand that if you had continued, the whole essence of the story might have been lost. So I guess it was an apt thing to do, albeit it left me feeling that it was slightly sudden. I don't blame you for it.

Finally, what I absolutely LOVED here was how you incorporated the gist of 'The Ugly Duckling' here. I like how you tweaked it. It was the best part for me. Because in the story, the duckling transforms into a beautiful swan. But over here, we see no change in Marius. The only thing that changes is his environment. And what I loved about this, is that we all can learn a lot from this story, from your take on 'The Ugly Duckling'. You don't have to change. You don't have to become a beautiful swan, to be liked. You should be confident with who you are, and you will definitely find friendship and acceptance.

Great story :)
Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I did have some trouble writing this story, almost to the point that I nearly put it to the side to be finished later. :I

I have been thinking about lengthening this story to a short story, but I need to finish a few other stories first. :)

The challenge was definitely fun and challenging.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #7, by marauderfan The Tale of Martin Corner

17th July 2013:
Helllo! here with your requested review.

What an interesting idea! I had never considered what would happen if the Blacks had a Squib in the family. And I think the way you did it is really cool - it mirrors the way Muggle born kids find out about Hogwarts, in awe at the existence of magic, learning what Quidditch is, etc. And in this, Marius goes the other way and finds himself a newcomer in the world without magic and learns from Muggles about cricket and stuff. I think that was a really nice parallel.

Your descriptions in the beginning are great - the spider webs and old boxes in the attic, I could visualize it perfectly. But I think if you want to, it would be nice to add some more description in the second half: what his Muggle school looks like, and how he thinks of it. This would also help the wizard/Muggle world discovery parallel.

As for the flow of the story - I think the first part, (Marius in the attic) flowed very well, and the second part when he leaves home flowed well, but... the two sections didn't quite seem to go together. Does Marius only spend his time in the attic? How did the house-elf find him? What does his book-reading have to do with the rest of the story? (I don't mean that to sound mean - these are just things you could include if you wanted to add one more paragraph in between the sections to create a more smooth transition.)

The characterisation for Marius seems good, he seems quiet and isolated, which would make sense for a Squib. But I did wonder why the Black family had ever had Muggle books about science and maths in their attic, as they tend to have things more like "Nature's Nobility: A Wizarding Genealogy" or whatever.

Poor kid, getting blasted off the family tree when he's only eight :( But I was really happy for him in the end when he found his place and fit in with the Muggles. :)

Great job on this story, I really liked it!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I will work on adding more description to the second portion of the story, especially with how the school looks and what he thinks about it.

Those are very good questions. I only focused on Marius in the attic but I see where I could add some interactions with his family to bring out his difference from them a bit more.

I had supposed that the house-elves were able to just find people, given what we had seen with Dobby and Kreature.

I saw his interest in the Muggle books as a way to portray his difference from the rest of the family - they're interested in magic while he's interested in Muggle knowledge. But without the interactions with the rest of the family, that really didn't appear.

My thought for the Muggle books being in the attic was more for their learning before going to Hogwarts. Though Marius is the only one of his siblings to use them.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #8, by broadwaykat The Tale of Martin Corner

15th July 2013:
Of all the ways I could have thought of incorporating the Ugly Duckling aspect of the story - I would have never thought of this.

Sorry for the delay, but here is the review I promised of your first chapter!

First off, like I said - this is a really unique idea, and one that I think perfectly illustrates what I was looking for in this challenge. You're taking the idea of the Fairy Tale, and incorporating it into the wizarding world - rather than simply retelling the story. And you've taken a story which is usually about the idea of beauty and looks and turned it on it's head so, while it still holds true to the idea of fitting in and blossoming into your own person - it's totally different too. It makes it out to be that, in the wizarding world, the magical core is more important than anything - and Marius, of course, is the odd one out - a Squib amidst a family of wizards.

I really like how you've set up Marius' character - it's very rarely that you read about a character, in any story, that willing like or uses math, and I'm excited to see where he goes with it. The idea of being a squib, in and of itself, has always interested me - and in one chapter you've set up a scenario of a school for the non-gifted in a magical world - almost the opposite of the Harry Potter books!

I also like that you didn't go for an true oc but actually pulled someone out of distant canon. It feels more like an expansion of the universe this way, and I really do love the dynamics of the Black family. I only wish we could have stayed with them longer, but of course, that would not be very fair to poor Marius, would it. Or shall we call him Martin now.

That's the one thing that confuses me, which might be explained in later chapters? Why did he pick the name Martin Corner? You set up a lot of things so well in this chapter - that's the only thing that comes out of nowhere, because Marius has grown up with a family who names people after the stars. I just want to know if there's a reason for him picking that name - perhaps it's one of the characters in his books? Or one of the authors? That was the only thing that was kind of unclear.

Keep up the good work! I really enjoyed reading the first chapter so far, and look forward to reading onto more!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

This challenge turned out to be more difficult than I had imagined. It was hard trying to create a scenario where the main character had a change in fortune by just existing.

There was so much opportunity from the Tapestry to choose a person who didn't conform to the family's ideals.

I had the idea that Marius would have taken the chance to change his entire name and start over. Though I think I just chose an "M" name, though "Corner" was a more deliberate choice. I'll come up with a reason why he chose that particular name though. That is a good point.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #9, by LadyL8 The Tale of Martin Corner

14th July 2013:
Hi there.

I'm going to start by saying that I liked this idea. I have always wondered what would happen if the Black family had a squib, and you basically wrote everything I thought would've happened.

I'm not sure if he should've been completely kicked out, though. I mean, Sirius was also hated by his family (The Black family), and he was considered a blood traitor. Still, they didn't throw him out. He left of his own free will. I know it's different with a squib, but I'd still like to think that he would be allowed to stay for the holidays at least (but whether he wants that or not is another question).

But I liked how this was written. It was easy to read, and I loved how he terrified or at least scared of the idea of being a squib at first, but then later he's almost relieved and happy. That was very believable.

I really liked it. Good job!

Yours Sincerely
LadyL8

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I've added a note about your observation in my file and will consider their reaction to his status.

This story turned out to be a little more difficult to write than I had expected. The fairytale has no intercession by other means to change the character's life except by the character being that character.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!



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