Reading Reviews for Fernweh
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Your Secret Santa Sunset

22nd December 2013:
Hello there, Tawi. Your Secret Santa's finally here (you didn't think I'd forgotten, did you?) with your very first gift.

First I just have to say that I love this story. And I'm so jealous of your description, because that's actually my main struggle. And you do it so flawlessly.

I also love that Lysander is the narrative. And the whole Lorcan/Lysander sentence really makes me wonder if it's because they are often mistaken for being the other, or if it's something more behind it. And what really happened between Lorcan and Dominique? I'm heading straight over to Raining Fire to read more :)

But I also like that although the story has a sad tone to it, you also see moments that light up the tone/mood of the story. It makes sure it isn't too sad, but not too happy either- something in the middle, but slightly more over to the sad side. And I especially think of the Shakespeare sentence as one of these moments - it made me smile.

I'm really jealous now. You are a really good writer, and you definitely deserved to win the Corncob Award. Keep up the good work! 10/10

- Your Secret Santa

 Report Review

Review #2, by ohmymerlin Sunset

31st July 2013:
Hey, Tawi!

This was an amazing piece. You write absolutely amazingly! I love the descriptions you write, they're just so vivid and paint such a beautiful picture.

However, I just have some tiny CC:

"Exceptyou're your now honey-brown-golden coloured hair," -- this just needs a space between the 'except' and 'you're';

"There is atleast a four mile stretch of undisturbed tarmac road," -- again, this just needs to have a space between the 'at' and 'least';

"I hold a hand over her talkative mouth," -- correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that should be 'your' instead of her, as that's the way the rest of the story is.

I also just had another quick read-through and the first sentence is: "Her head lays on my shoulder; fifty-nine variations of blonde hair falls across her pretty features," and I was just curious if the 'her's' should have been 'you's' instead, or is this a different girl Lysander is talking about? You might just want to go over that again to clear it up.

Other than those things, I didn't notice anything else! :)

But seriously, you have such a lovely writing style, it's very smooth and easy to read.

I also really enjoyed the style of this one-shot! I liked that Lysander was narrating the story to Dom, it really gave us an insight into their relationship.

Also, I'm wondering why Dom won't remember Lysander? Is that explained in the story and have I just missed it? Or is that explained in Raining Fire? Anyway, it's intriguing, it certainly adds a certain level of mystical-ness. :p

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this story. You have an absolutely lovely writing style and your banner is absolutely gorgeous. You are very talented, missy! :p

- Kayla. :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Sunset

26th July 2013:
Hey there, dear! :)

This was a very interesting piece, and it definitely piqued my curiosity! I can't help but wonder what happened between Dom and Lorcan/Lysander that caused this seemingly spontaneous road trip with Lysander.

I was also really curious as to how Lysander and Dom came across a convertible. :P It really makes me want to read "Raining Fire" to find out!!

I really loved the references to the sunlight that you used here; your description was amazing, and so deep! It was truly genius!

A great interpretation of the travel theme, and an excellent one-shot!!!

 Report Review

Review #4, by pattybuns_hpf Sunset

17th July 2013:
With them speeding on the road, you got me scared quite a bit.

You write well, by the way. It holds a lot of potential. Some sentences weren't finished but I got what you were trying to say. I can just imagine what it felt to be free on the road just as Lysander gave the opportunity to be to Dominique.

 Report Review

Review #5, by marauderfan Sunset

17th July 2013:
Hellooo its marauderfan with your requested review!

This is a really interesting piece. It's very abstract, the way it's told in a series of images - but I like abstract. Your descriptions are really vivid (no pun intended with your name :P ). It's as if I'm reading a painting, if that makes sense. Like there are all these things happening, all these pictures put together into a whole - that's how it reads to me. It flows really well.

It's got a very sad undertone to it, but there's still moments of humour, such as when Lysander tries to speak like Shakespeare. It's cute, and it's kind of a little moment of realism in the abstract. I liked it.

One thing I'm left wondering (maybe you intended it this way?) is why Dominique is going to forget/why Lysander sees this as the last time he can talk to her. If you do end up adapting this one-shot into a longer story, maybe you can touch on that a bit.

You also might want to edit the first paragraph just a little, there's sort of a perspective shift. For most of the story Dominique is referred to as "you" and in that paragraph she's "her".

Otherwise, this was a really great piece! And I'm sorry my review is super rambly/ sounds like an art museum curator, I should probably not review late at night :p But you did a lovely job on this! Thanks for requesting!

(P.S. Also, yay Doctor Who reference!)

 Report Review

Review #6, by ginerva_molly_weasley Sunset

13th July 2013:
Awwwh this is sweet.

Lysander and Dominique is adorable and their relationship you show here is a complex one which I do love. I really like how you keep bringing the question back 'Lorcan or Lysander' which on the one hand interests me because is it due to them always being compared against each other or is it because he would love to be Lorcan and copies his character?

The structure also flows really well with being in the future and then going back and then going back to the future. It really helps the flow and helps us see whats going on.

I also wonder about the significance of Germany so if you were looking to expand this in the future that is something you could possibly look at.

I really enjoyed this

GinevraMollyPotter
Slytherin

 Report Review

Review #7, by Dark Whisper Sunset

13th July 2013:
Ah, the feeling of freedom with the open road... in a convertible, no less. Well written and quite descriptive.

I like these two together, but your quote is an intriguing mystery. Why won't she remember? That sounds really, really sad. And I love reading and writing those sad types. :)

Great job with the travel theme.
DW

 Report Review

Review #8, by AlexFan Sunset

13th July 2013:
This is all sorts of sweet and fluffy! There was a calm, peaceful tone to this story, it calmed me down and made me relax. I just got so into the story, I love the way that it was written, it made me forget reality for a second and I felt like I was actually really in the story.

I absolutely adored this, I think it's beautiful and well written and you manage to capture the reader's (or at least, my attention) from the very beginning and you hold it until the very end. You did a great job on this and I hope everyone else who reads this enjoys it as much as I do!

 Report Review

Review #9, by LittleLionGirl Sunset

13th July 2013:
Hmm. This story is well written but it left me wondering. Parts of it reminds me of "50 First Dates" where every time she sleeps and wakes up she loses her memory. That was probably a bad shot in the dark but the second person was really cool to read!
XOXOXO,
LLG

 Report Review

Review #10, by maskedmuggle Sunset

13th July 2013:
Hey!

I thought this story was really unusual, but the writing itself was really beautiful. I think that only some people have the ability to make description so special, and I think that it was definitely evident in this piece. The emotions and imagery were really strong and powerful.

I also thought Dominique and Lysander's characterisation and relationship was portrayed very uniquely - I've never seen them written like this so it was just an all around very interesting insight into them. Well written, and I enjoyed reading this! :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

 Report Review

Review #11, by navyfail Sunset

12th July 2013:
Hi, I'm Sama here for the review-a-thon!

First off, wow. That word is probably the only one word to sum this story up.

It kind of seems like second person with all of the you's but then there are also a couple I's which makes it seem like first person.Though it confused me a little, the mix was interesting.

The beginning was my favorite. It captured my attention and made me keep reading.
"...you won't have the faintest idea who I am.
The first question you'll ask will always be, 'Lorcan... or Lysander?'"
That part kept me wondering what you meant. Then reading the rest of your magnificent words, I finally understood(well partly).

A couple things I came across:
"But in this lonely countryside with fields of barley stretching around us,the fear of" It feels like it got cut off after that. I am not sure if you meant that or not.
"Exceptyou're your now honey-brown-golden coloured hair, the same face that cried so many tears all those years ago is burning fresh in my mind." A space between the first two words, maybe?

Lastly I have to say that you thread together words in a lovely fashion. Your sentences flow well together and I like how you described and metioned things.

Fantastic entry!

~Sama(Ravenclaw)

 Report Review

Review #12, by academica Sunset

12th July 2013:
Hey there!

This was really beautiful in its abstract nature. I liked the idea of not only mentally journeying to a place you've never been but also to a life that may or may not be real with the person whom you love. I also liked how you really honed in on the small details of the interaction between Dominique and Lysander (I think?) and got your hands dirty with the complex emotions presented there.

I would suggest maybe going back and editing later just to clear up some awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, perhaps with the help of a beta. I also noticed that you stopped mid-sentence at the end of the paragraph with the warning about not running into cows while driving.

Nice work!

Amanda
Ravenclaw
House Cup 2013


 Report Review

Review #13, by Celtic_Dreamer7 Sunset

12th July 2013:
Hello there! I found your story both unique and challenging. My favorite part was all your details. I like how it was written in 2nd person but it was difficult to follow who was saying what in a few spots. I also like how you left out the names until closer to the end. It keeps the reader guessing.

I did see a few minor errors:

"But in this lonely countryside with fields of barley stretching around us, the fear of" - the rest of the sentence was missing.

"you made me cry once- My breath stops for a moment," - sticking with 2nd person, should have been "your".

"We let go off those" - should have been "of."

Again, nothing major and nothing that took away from the story. Great entry and good luck to Hufflepuff!!

~Celtic_Dreamer7~
Slytherin

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login