Reading Reviews for The Restricted Section
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane The Library

6th August 2013:
Hmm, that's interesting. I usually see Fred as the older sibling and always imagined them that way. It's interesting to see it the other way around. I also like the fact that she's the more adventurous one and he's nervous. So often the girls in Harry Potter are portrayed as the sensible ones and the boys as the risk-takers. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's nice to see a change occasionally.

Love the relationship between the siblings, where they both want to protect each other and Roxanne in particular is willing to take risks herself, but doesn't want her brother in danger.

There's actually a bit of a touch of Narnia about this. I don't think they ever travelled through a book to Narnia admittedly, but they travelled through a painting, so it's possible.

Wouldn't their wands make more effective weapons than swords, but I guess they can't use them in front of Muggles, which the people they are raiding would be.

This phrase "because with that diary with Aunt Ginny had dad might kill us" is kind of confusingly phrased. I think the second "with" should be omitted and there should be a comma before "dad". And the next line might sound better if it said "everyone else WILL think we're nutters" rather than just saying "everyone else think we're nutters."

The part about her having a panic attack when she couldn't find her brother seems a bit rushed. I think it would be better if you showed more of her realising he wasn't there and then her reactions, rather than just telling us.

I like the ending. Definitely didn't expect it to end like that.

Author's Response: I really liked the idea of book traveling. AlexFan also mentioned and Inkheart feel to it. As you can tell I like to do things a smudge differently than the usual authors.

Exactly with the wand thing; besides pirates like an adventure, I am sure they wouldn't want the advantage of magic in a fight.


The two points you pointed out are ones I missed while I was editing. I agree the pain might have been a bit rushed but when I start adding things I don't stop- and as you know it had to be within a certain word limit.

I like that you didn't expect: no one seemed to. :)

Thanks for all the complements and help :)

XOXOXO,
LLG


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Review #2, by Erised The Library

14th July 2013:
Hey there! Here to return your review for the HC! :)

Firstly, I love how Roxanne is the troublemaker in this rather than Fred. Eveeryone seems to put him in that role so well done for turning conventions around and having the girl as the troublesome child!

I loved your idea too! Having them trapped in the book is such a fun way to introduce the idea of travel. The pirates were all fun and relatively well crafted for a one-shot. Perhaps a little more detail on them would have been nice, but I can totally understand why there wasn't. Jacob was so cute though!

Just so you know, the spacing was a little weird towards the latter half here. There doesn't seem to be any gaps between dialogue.

Anyway, this was a really good entry for the HC! Well done!

Author's Response: Hello! First I must say thank you for reviewing: you really shouldn't have :)
Thanks for all the complements- I plan on adding detail later.. Jacob was my favorite! I think of him as a very young and silly kind of pirate like Cap'n Jack Sparrow in a way haha
I hated the spacing issue- so does everyone else so I will address it ASAP
Thanks again!
XOXOXOXO,
LLG


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Review #3, by starryskies55 The Library

13th July 2013:
This was an interesting concept, but not one too out of the blue for the Restricted Section of the library!

I liked Roxanne and Jacob's kinda half-relationship, and she was very protective over Freddy, which was cute as well. It was quite sad to see the captain of the ship die, but it was a good twist, and I liked it. I've always wanted to write a pirate hpff!

There could be a bit more description and explanation for things, but overall this was very good! (although you probably should work on your formatting).

Well done!

Author's Response: I thought the relationships were cute while I was trying to be realistic. I needed some sort of plot twist haha... but who knows? The future could have changed ;)
I have wanted to write one since I read Pirates by Singerhotti last year- they are so fun to write about!
I will add more of everything and fix the format *embarrassed look* it was a two hour throw together so when I add more the format will be addressed. Thanks!
XOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #4, by Pheonix Potioneer The Library

13th July 2013:
This is a really creative idea! You certainly got creative with theme of travel. I wouldn't have thought of traveling through a book!

You have a few mistakes throughout, and the ending was rushed, but I'm sure that was because you wanted it submitted in time.

NICE pirates! I thought for sure they would dump Roxanne and Fred in the sea.

I find it interesting that Roxanne and Jacob became close after not being around each other for long.

Roxanne and Fred changed a lot. At first Roxanne was the daring one, then it turned to Fred.

Hmm, I wonder how Roxanne will explain Jacob's appearance...

Good job with this story!

Author's Response: Hahaha thanks for liking my magical travel... I was trying to hint more with the ships too but I didn't have much time. I literally posted this two hours before the deadline into the queue so I couldn't go back and edit by the time I had the chance. I thought the nice pirates were funny because they are magical and go against all stereotypes
I think for Roxy it was the first crush scenario..
The trip had to make Fred come out of his shell of course
I might have to add that part in later ;)
Thanks for the kind words!
XOXOXO,
LLG


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Review #5, by Haronione The Library

13th July 2013:
Hi Haronione here for the review-a-thon!

This was a good plot and was enjoyable to read. I like the original spin on travel by having them travelling through a book rather than customary means of travel. I also like how protective Fred and Roxy are if each other and yet still bicker as siblings do. Made the characters very believable in my eyes.

I really liked the plot but felt that more of a balance between dialogue and description would draw the reader more in to the story.

I like the twist with Jacob and feel the ending could lead to a sequel with him as the protagonist ;)

Xx

Author's Response: Thanks :) Plot Bunnies are my specialty. The sibling thing is like my little sister and I oddly enough.
I will add more descriptions later- this was a really really last minute project so I am sorry you didn't see all my ideas.
Sequel? Hmm. Interesting idea :)
Thanks for your review :)
XOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #6, by Akussa The Library

13th July 2013:
Hi there!

I found this story really fun and original. Travelling inside a book is the dream!! The idea of them being stuck there and the experience they lived was really well described and highly enjoyable!

The characters, all of them but especially Fred and Roxy, were great, interesting and fun to read about.

The read though, was a bit hard at times. There were a bit of spelling and grammar errors that had me re-read through some sentences in order to fully understand what was going on. Also, the format during the second half of this story was different and harder to read (I kept losing track of where I was).

The story was interesting and enjoyable and I liked it a lot!

Akussa for Gyffindor in the House Cup 2013 :)

Author's Response: Thanks! Rox was my favorite by far.
The formatting was different because I was typing the second half the first half was texting and then a massive email. I plan to eventually do some editing and the problems will be addressed then. Thanks for your review :)
XOXOXOXO,
LLG


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Review #7, by AlexFan The Library

13th July 2013:
Hello!

This had a very Inkheart sort of feel to it, the part with Fred reading Roxy and him into a book and such. I think this is a really near idea for the House Cup Challenge. It's not so much as traveling with portkey or plane or something, you're literally traveling to a whole different world.

I think you could make the one-shot loads better by adding in more description. It's mostly dialogue based so the reader doesn't really get any idea of what the ship really looks like, also, you had a few grammar and punctuation errors throughout the chapter that interrupted the flow of the chapter. And besides the fact that the last half of your chapter was very closely spaced, I don't have anything else to point out.

This was a very interesting and unique idea for a story though and I did enjoy reading it!

Author's Response: Thanks! I originally wanted this to be Lucy Weasley but I figured why not have the two Next Gen Weasley's that seem to be mentioned the least?

As for the whole dialogue thing; my friend Emily and I started this together back and forth as only dialogue and the descriptions that were added in were all done on my own. There was going to be more but there was a IRL emergency and I didn't want to fight with this more then needed so I just threw it up as is to get the points... I will eventually add more to this. Oh and I edited Masks and am posting chapter one if you want another look ;)
XOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #8, by zipzin The Library

12th July 2013:
Interesting. Never would have thought of that myself but I like it. Pirates are very cool and I'm glad I read this story. I like how Fred isn't the prankster he always is and the little love story between Jacob and Roxy. While the writing is a little cut and dry the story and plot is very interesting!

Author's Response: Thanks. I am pleased to know you enjoyed it. I liked a cautious Fred- someone had to balance Roxy. Sorry, my helper Rather Be A Malfoy and I wrote this back and forth through text that was sent as email.

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