9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by teh tarik Moving to Salem Witch Institute

1st August 2013:
Hello Sarah :) First, I have to say that your story really made me smile! It's such a lovely fluffy and sweet story with a very youthful and lively voice, and the theme of finding a place you belong is such a lovely, gratifying one. There were many things which made me giggle a little, such as Molly being the rebel daughter of the rigid, uptight Percy, who also happens to be the Minister for Magic. It can't be good publicity for him, having such a difficult and troublesome daughter. But it turns out that all Molly needs is a place where she can feel at home, where she can be comfortable and she can let her artistic talents develop. And Salem Witch Institute really does seem like the place for her.

I like how she goes into so much detail about her shopping; she is a normal teenage girl after all, and it does make sense that she gets so excited and eager about the things she buys. I also really enjoyed your description of the Salem Witch Institute, and how luxurious and clean and swanky it seems, with the mineral walls and the gleaming gilded frames of portraits and the lovely village the school is situated at, full of flowers and trees. It seems like such an idyllic place to be, a kind of almost-too-perfect utopia, but then again, I guess with the magical world, anything is possible :)

I've got a question: since Salem Witch Institute is a couple of thousand years old, and it is the youngest school in the States, that would mean the school and all other magical schools were founded by Native Americans? :) Well, that's a very wonderful thought.

I do hope you continue to develop this piece into a longer story :) This is a lovely fic and a great HC entry! Great work :)

-teh

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Review #2, by marauderfan Moving to Salem Witch Institute

26th July 2013:
Ooh how much do I love the idea that of all the Weasleys it was Percy's daughter who had to transfer schools for being a rebel? Haha, that's fantastic. :D

I like the way you've written the personalities in this. Molly is a typical teenager - a little whiny, wants to be independent, and gets into trouble, but she still really likes to read and to learn, so I thought you developed her character really well. And Percy as Minister! I like it, and it's great that one of the Weasleys is rich now lol.

I also like how Salem Witches Institute has some "regular" classes. I'd love to see what a magical art class is like!

In your authors note you mentioned the possibility of expanding this later on, and I think that's a cool idea. Personally I'd love to read about what school is like at the Salem Witches Institute because there's very little fanfiction about it (that I'm aware of, anyway). One thing I'd suggest, if you do end up doing that, is to maybe add a little more description. Molly is a new student coming to a new country, I think there'd be an element of awe when she sees her new surroundings.

Anyway, I did really enjoy reading this, you did very well :) Great work!

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Review #3, by ginerva_molly_weasley Moving to Salem Witch Institute

13th July 2013:
The infamous Salem Witch Institute! Well at least
now I know where it is!

I must admit I didn't know what to think when I
clicked onto the story I had no idea what it would
be about but I think you did an excellent job of
setting the scene in the beginning to tell us exactly
what the story was about

I love how you introduce Molly as an unruly child
but also slip in there that Percy is the minister. It
would have been a very hard decision for Percy as it
would mean him admiting he had lost faith in the
British education system however you can see the
high calibre of he school and the better education it
would provide for someone like Molly who does need
to be constantly pushed.

At least she's finally happy about going to the
insitute towards the end!

Well done!

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Review #4, by AlexFan Moving to Salem Witch Institute

13th July 2013:
Hello! I'll get right into it! This was a really unique as I never pictured one of Percy's daughter being forced to move schools for bad behavior. Sure I pictured them as being maybe a little eccentric but never being forced to move schools.

The one thing that stood out to me is that you kept slipping up on your verb tense. Sometimes you'd write in past tense and then switch to present tense and back. I also think that you could make this story better by adding in more description. Going into more detail about the packing and things instead of just skipping to the day that the family leaves. You could've also described the scenery outside of the bus so that the reader knows the general scenery of the place.

And there were also a few grammar errors throughout the chapter. But other than that though, I found this really interesting and I enjoyed reading this!

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Review #5, by patronus_charm Moving to Salem Witch Institute

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

I liked the idea of Molly having to move school due to being bad, as it made sense that Percy would act like that because he's always been such a sticker to the rules and seeing how far he went here made me laugh.

Molly was quite a character and made me chuckle. I liked how she was a good quidditch player because it highlighted the differences between her and percy even more.
The one thing I would suggest is watching your dialogue grammar because I found quite a few errors such as “Okay, three, two, one” my dad said, ' you missed a comma here and in several other cases too. In some cases you also put a period there instead.

I hope this review helps in someway and makes sense because it's been written on a phone while on a bus!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thank you for the critisim.
I didn't have any time to proff read, so sorry about the mistakes:/
I will fix them once I have more time.

~Sarah


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Review #6, by BluebirdBrigade Moving to Salem Witch Institute

13th July 2013:
Hello! Here for the HC review-a-thon!

This was very sweet one shot with the underlying tone about finding the place that suits you and your comfortable with. I couldn't help but think that at the start of this one shot that Molly would be severely unhappy upon her arrival and absolutely hate her new school but I'm glad she managed to find happiness here. I always think the best source if happiness is the one you get unexpectedly and for Molly that seems to be the case.

Sometimes you don't fit in and that's the case for many people which is why this story was so relatable. I felt really glad for Molly that she was able to be more creative because the school specialised in creativity and she would be able to indulge in that passion than she would have been able to at Hogwarts. I have to say this really reminded me of the time when I had to move schools. The previous one I had been at wasn't all to great but it was where all my friends were and I didn't want to leave. I had been pessimistic about it, like Molly. I had to take an exam too and when I got in I was actually surprised to find more facilities that would allow me to broaden my abilities.

The relatable nature of your story was really awesome, I loved the way the family were together and they made stops where she bought books and had something to eat which really fit with the travel theme. Your actually one of the first one shots I've read for this travel prompt that has quite a lot of touristy moments and I really enjoyed reading them! All I'm all I thought this was a great entry for the HC, you used the Salem Institute and made it your own with originality and there were no spelling or grammar mistakes at all that I saw! I want to know what happens to Molly after this :P

Lovely story,

Maz x

Author's Response: Wow, I am so glad that you enjoyed this! I am happy that I made it relatable for you, and that I was able to connect it to real-world things that have happened to you.

I really wanted to make this as a better oppertunity for Molly, and have her realize this, so I am glad that you saw that.

I am glad you enjoyed it, and want to see what happens next!

~Sarah


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Review #7, by LittleLionGirl Moving to Salem Witch Institute

13th July 2013:
Well this was an interesting one-shot. You really do have a good start of a story but I would add more detail to the vague things you have in your chapter. Elaborate a little rather then adding "and much more" as for her friends and everything else; mention WHY she doesn't want to go- why her friends are so important and WHAT she did to make her parents move her out of Hogwarts... Other than that you did an amazing job!
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Yeah, I agree that I should have added more detail. I didn't have much time. So when I have more I will go and do that(:

~Sarah


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Review #8, by maskedmuggle Moving to Salem Witch Institute

13th July 2013:
Hey!

I thought this was a really interesting fic! I really enjoyed reading about Molly Weasley, who is generally a lesser written next-gen character as compared to Rose or James or Albus, so it was definitely great to see a fic focused solely on her! I loved the idea of Molly being a bit too naughty and how Percy would consider making her transfer to Salem!

The characterisation of Molly was solid, but I do feel that it was a bit too much perhaps? It seemed to conflict at times - like, she was naughty and had friends that were boys, but at the same time, she was into reading books, into make up, Quidditch, had played the flute for years, enjoyed singing and was all around very creative. Overall, Molly having all these aspects to her just seems to lack a bit of believability, but regardless, I did think that her internal thoughts were well written throughout the story.

I also found Molly's abrupt change in perspective perhaps rather too abrupt? One second she was adamantly against it, but the next it was like she couldn't wait to go - it also seemed a bit weird that she would act like this: "Once I got home I started straight on my homework". The other thing I would say is just consider having a read through of this - I found that at times there were tense changes (it was mainly past tense, but there were a few sentences in present tense throughout) and also one or two sentences that didn't quite make sense, such as "When we arrive and Salem" - which should be When we arrived at Salem". Also, the night bus should be the Knight Bus?

Regardless of those things though (little details), I really enjoyed reading this story and getting an insight into an interesting portrayal of Molly. I find that lots of writers actually make Molly into some really good studious girl (kind of like Hermione), just because her father is Percy, and it was really refreshing to see that she wasn't quite like that. So, great plot and a nicely written story :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the criticism.
I agree with you on all that you said.
It was a very, very rushed story, and I actually didn't even have time to read it over before submitting it because I have just had so much going on.
Hence why there were so many troubles :/
Thank you so much, and I will definitely do some hard-core editing once I have more time! Thank you! (:

~Sarah


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Review #9, by Celtic_Dreamer7 Moving to Salem Witch Institute

12th July 2013:
Greetings!

This was a very interesting read. I love how you incorporate a new school and how you included such details of everything. It really made everything stand out more. I like how you didn't end it with whether she got in or not.

There were a few minor things throughout but nothing that took me out of the story. I would suggest trying to use variations of the word "said" more. Perhaps adding a few details of what was going on. You repeated "my dad said" a few times that could have been something like "my dad remarked."

This was a great little one-shot and I do hope you continue it as a story. I would love to read if she gets in or not. I would also love to hear more about the school itself.

Great job and good luck to your house!

~Celtic~
Slytherin

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your ideas(:
I will definitely go back and change it to make it better.
I was a little rushed for time, so that's why it isn't amazing.
But thank you(: I am really glad you think I should continue with it(:

~Sarah


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