Reading Reviews for The Motorbike
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SereneChaos The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
That was brilliant! I thought the feeling of restlessness was pretty relatable for any 22 year old, and it didn't sink in what would happen on Halloween night until you mentioned it. Sirius' train of thought was very fluid and easy to follow. I loved how you tied Sirius desire for freedom at the beginning of the story to his feeling that he doesn't deserve freedom at the end--especially keeping in mind what will happen to him for the next twelve years. Great work with this story!

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much! Yes, I wrote a lot of this story thinking about what was happening in the future for him. Wanted to pull some of that into the story.

I'm glad you thought it was relatable and fluid! That means a lot to me. :)


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Review #2, by nott theodore The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here reviewing for Gryffindor in the house cup :)

Gosh, this was completely heart-breaking! I hate to think about this moment, with poor Sirius travelling to find Lily and James dead! It's just so sad!

There was a lot about this story that I really liked. Some of the details that you included, like the use of the motorbike to travel there (which we know he must have done from canon, to give his bike to Sirius) and the suspicions he has of Remus being the traitor. I hate the fact that Peter caused such heartbreak between the four friends, and that both Sirius and Remus had to deal with suspecting each other as well as mourning their friends.

I really liked your characterisation of Sirius in this story! He seemed to be the exact same as the person I imagine him to be at his point from what we know of him in canon.

I would have liked a little more description in this story just to enhance some of the aspects even more, but it's a really great read - well done!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Okay, I'll definitely work on the description. Thanks for the note!

And yes, I always had a rough time with everything that happened that night too. It's hard to write such utter misery shared by so many people and still have it feel real.

I spent a lot of time on the characterization, so I'm glad you noticed! :)

Thanks so much for reviewing! :D


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Review #3, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
This is so heartbreaking! :( From the very beginning of the story, I was wary of what was to come; I didn't think I could bear to see Sirius' reaction when he found out what had happened to James and Lily. But even though it broke my heart, you did it very tastefully and believably; it was very well-done.

Knowing what happens after this scene, I really wish I could just jump inside the story and tell Sirius what's about to happen; warn him. But I'm sure we've all felt that way at one point. :P

It's nice to finally get to see how Hagrid came to be in possession of Sirius' bike, but I can only imagine the look on Hagrid's face when he found out that Sirius supposedly killed Peter and betrayed the Potters. Although I'm positive that Dumbledore knew that Sirius wasn't the Secret-Keeper, it doesn't seem that he told anybody else that, because McGonagall in POA didn't know. (Sorry.. that was really random).

Anyway, this is a very sad but very well-written one shot, dear. Well done!

Author's Response: Yeah, I just wanted to hug him the whole time I was writing this. It was as though his entire life just fell apart in one fell swoop. :/ Poor Sirius.

Really now? That's an interesting idea. I hadn't really thought about it before, but Dumbledore does seem to know everything. And he didn't act too surprised when Harry told him about Pettigrew. That's something I'll have to think over in the future.

Thank you so much for reviewing and all your kind words! :)


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Review #4, by ohmymerlin The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Hello!

Okay, first of all -- THANK YOU FOR BREAKING MY HEART, DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T NEED EMOTIONS?!

I'm sorry about my yelling, it's just when Sirius, James and Lily are mentioned I get very upset. ;~;

You wrote this really well! You got Sirius' personality spot-on and his anguish was very, very, very heartbreaking. :(

And the way you wrote about Remus being a traitor made me sad, even though it's canon that Sirius was suspicious of him. I just wanted to scream at him, "IT'S PETER!"

I also loved the way you wrote Sirius being scared/getting a bit of a fright, and then juxtaposing that with his freedom on the bike in the air. It was such an excellent contrast, so kudos!

And it made me sad when Sirius checked on Peter, but to find an empty house, the first thing that went through his mind was that he'd been hurt. It just shows what a loyal person Sirius was, and that just hurts ME so much! D:

This was an absolutely lovely piece, and you wrote it so nicely! I loved this story, it was so heartbreaking but it also made me smile at how much Sirius cared for Harry. :')

10/10

- Kayla. ♥

Author's Response: Aw sorry for breaking your heart (not really...). I'm so glad you enjoyed it despite how sad it was. And thanks so much for leaving one of my favorite reviews ever! :)

I know, Sirius deserved so much better. I always just imagined him when he first found Peter's place to be worried about Peter as well as Lily and James and maybe the realization wouldn't hit him until later.

So glad you thought the characterization was good!

And thank you for the amazing review! :)


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Review #5, by Roots in Water The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

My, what an interesting range of stories the House Cup has brought into existence! I never would have thought of writing about Sirius' own experiences that night... But you did a great job of it yourself!

I really liked your characterization of Sirius in this story. His panic at the beginning fit in very well with the atmosphere of the story and did a great job of showing just how much the war had affected everyone. His desire to leave his flat, to move about and be with people, fit in well with the Sirius we know from the books. After all, he hadn't been very happy about being locked away in Grimmauld Palace for months on end. His panic and despair when he realized what must have happened with Peter was very good as well, although I'm a little surprised his mind wasn't also consumed with anger towards Peter. Perhaps it was too focused on the devastation of his friends' and godson's deathes would bring.

I also liked how you included Hagrid in this story. It was a nice tie-in to canon and a good explanation of how Hagrid obtained Sirius' motorcycle. It was interesting to see Sirius' rational for giving up the bike. I wonder if he had a glimmering of knowledge about where he would spend the next twelve years of his life, or if he had just decided that he didn't need his bike to take down Peter (the rat).

The details you included in this piece were really nice. I particularly liked how you wrote that Sirius took the straight path that night instead of the longer routes he usually took- it was a small note that helped to reveal more of Sirius' character.

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this piece. Everything flowed together smoothly and it was an enjoyable read. Good work! :D

Author's Response: I've had a few notes about minor stuff with Peter and the idea that he might be consumed with anger is a good one. I'll definitely put some more focus on that when I do a rewrite.

Thank you for all your comments! They're all so lovely and helpful, I'm very glad you liked reading it. :)


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Review #6, by LilyEPotter The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the House Cup review!

I really liked how Sirius just wanted to be free and his views on being free, very much a foreshadowing of his time at headquarters during the second war. I could see his fear when he realized that Peter was missing and his friends were in danger. Then his grief and his realization that Peter was the spy. You tied the ending of the story very neatly back into the first book.

Great story!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. And you noticed some of the most important aspects, which means a lot. :)

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Review #7, by maskedmuggle The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Hey!

This was really awesome. I loved reading about this moment, even though I knew what was going to happen. I loved how you described Sirius, how you captured the fear and worry of those times, and how you described what happened. Sirius' instant concern, rushing over to Godric's Hollow to find out what had happened made me incredibly sad.. and his reaction made me feel heartbroken as well.

The only thing I was uncertain about in this fic was this: "He had something else to take care of in the mean time. Peter. There hadn't been a struggle at his home, he hadnít fought back. Remus wasnít the spy, it was Peter." This isn't to canon? Not sure if you meant it to be. It also just felt like too quick, too abrupt of a realisation.

But anyhow, this story was really well written, but really sad at the same time. Reading about the moment Lily and James died is always incredibly despairing but.. the lines about Sirius' motorbike and how he didn't need it anymore were really beautiful as well. So well written :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: That bit isn't canon? Oh no! I was trying so hard to make it all lovely and canon, but I haven't read the books in a while. I think I'll pm you on the forums about what wasn't canon about it.

And yes, I've gotten some notes on the Peter realization so that'll definitely go through a pretty big rewrite in revisions.

Thank you so much for leaving a review! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)


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Review #8, by DracoFerret11 The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from Ravenclaw on the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2013! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was a fantastic idea for a story! At first I was wondering why he wouldn't just apparate to Lily and James' house, but then I remembered that this challenge was about traveling, duh! I love that you included the bike. Poor Sirius...this story is so sad. Sirius' role in this whole situation is just crushing. :(

Characterization: I loved how you portrayed Sirius. It was very canon. I can imagine him acting how you wrote him and I like that you included that he hates being cooped up. Canon shout-out! I loved that he was so worried about Peter until he realized what had happened.

Descriptions: I think you could add in more details about how things look, feel, sound, smell, etc. to bring the story to life more. What you have is great, but more can always help. :)

Emotions: I think I would like to see more about how crushed Sirius must feel when he realizes that James and Lily are dead and it's Peter's fault. There has to be an intense feeling of betrayal there and I think that should be capitalized on. And I know that shock sets in, but I'm sure he felt more about his best friend's death, even if he was trying to hold himself together.

Overall, I think you did a really good job. This story was well-written and I'm glad I read it. Good luck with the House Cup!

--Emily

Author's Response: I was kind of pushing for the anti apparition charms a bit in this, but yeah he could have just apparated to the village and walked, but let's just ignore that tiny inconsistency. Travel it had to be so travel it was! ;)

Okay, I'll definitely work on that in the edit! Description is important, I'll go make a note right now.

I've got that note once or twice on the emotions too, so I'll add more of that in. Yay for critiques so I can make a better story!

Thank you so much for reviewing! It was really lovely and helpful and meant a lot. :)


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Review #9, by LittleLionGirl The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Wow. That was an ineradicable job! I like how it is Sirius' POV because that is something I personally have never seen for that particular night. I especially liked the dark ending hinting on what Sirius will do next... *slytherin smirk*
XOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, I wanted the story to end with him giving away the motorbike, but we all know what happened next.

I guess I hadn't thought about that, glad I managed to do something original and that you liked it!


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Review #10, by Debra20 The Motorbike

12th July 2013:
Hey there Luvin! I think this is my first time reviewing one of your stories and I have to say I enjoyed it very much. I think you handled the HC theme very well. Making the story a missing moment made me even happier because I love missing moments. Reading about moments we haven't been able to see in the books make Harry Potter more whole to me :)

I want to commend you on the way you managed to recreate the suspense and terror that reigned during that period of time. Having Sirius so wary and jump at every hooded passing figure, not remembering it's actually Halloween, really helped us immerse ourselves in the atmosphere of the time. Voldemort was at the height of his power the night he 'died', and I'm astonished that Sirius dared leave his home in the first place...which brings me to characterization! I love what you did with Sirius in this one shot. He really stayed true to his original self from the books. He was reckless and a bit arrogant ignoring Dumbledore's precautions and that made him so, so real and so close to what we know of him. It felt like Order of the Phoenix all over again.

I would like to make a suggestion, if you'll allow me. I think you should have focused a little more on Sirius's realisation that Wormtail was the betrayer and not Remus. It would have allowed us to empathise with him even more. He was very quick to realise that there hadn't been a struggle at Peter's home, but we have to remember that Peter was one of his best friends too. If Remus had been acting queer for such a long time that Sirius doubted him this deep, he would need more to convince himself that Peter was the one who revealed Voldemort the Potter's whereabouts. Or at least focus more on how it was for him to discover how wrong he'd been all this time. His anguish, his disbelief, his anger must have been terrible, raw. I wish we could have seen more of that.

Very, very good piece hun! Well done

Author's Response: Aw thanks so much! Yeah, I was trying to recreate the canon Sirius a bit here and not the head canon teenage Sirius that so many people (including me) write about. I'm glad you noticed!

The theme of travel was a bit difficult for me and I was originally writing something totally different, but when I scratched that this was one of the few things that came to mind that involved travel.

Oh yes, suggestions are always welcome! And that's a very good one. I'll try to go back and work on that bit a little. It did kind of rush by fast because that was one of the more difficult parts to write, but now that I have more time I think I'll try to fix it up some.

Thank you again for reviewing and that was a very helpful comment! :)


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Review #11, by BluebirdBrigade The Motorbike

12th July 2013:
Hello there, here to review for the review-a-thon!

You really made me quite teary here with this one shot which is an impressive feat considering that I sometimes think I have a heart of stone but you really brought a whole lot of emotions to this story and by the end of it I grieved alongside Sirius and his loss. I have trouble reading marauders fics because my mind can't help but remind me what eventually happens to them but I seriously loved your story because of the real emotional attachment I had to Sirius by the end of it.

I could really feel him misery and pain at the fact that he'd lost his best friends in one night. I'm glad that Harry's survival was a small piece of happiness for him. I like the way you symbolised Sirius showing the extent of his misery and the fact that he no longer feels alive, because he feels like without his best friends that he's all alone, by giving his bike to Hagrid. That was so somber and I couldn't help but be really sympathetic towards Sirius.

He has always been my favourite Marauder and he didn't deserve to go to Askaban. Your description really impressed me and you explored the senses so thoroughly such as the numbing of his hands and his chapped skin. You showed how frantic he was to save Lily and James or at least to make sure they were alright which made me love Sirius all the more.

As CC the only real thing I noticed was your first line - you use the word already twice but I think you only needed it once. Wow, that was uber picky of me but I've heard that its always helps the author if you point out anything so, hey! But other than that, fantastic grammar and spelling and an awesome plot! Great job,

Maz x

Author's Response: Eep! Thank you so much! I'm glad you had an emotional response to Sirius because that was my intent (I'd apologize for making you teary, but that was the goal here...)

I agree with you, it's hard not to love Sirius. You can probably tell from my name that he's one of my favorite characters too! ;)

I'm a wee bit embarrassed over the first line because I know I fixed that at least twice and still somehow wrote it wrong, but it's all fixed now. Thank you for pointing it out. And you can thank my beta for a lot of the grammar and spelling, she did a great job.

Thank you for all the lovely comments! You've really made me blush here and your review means a lot! :)


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